0:00:03 > 0:00:04Graham's brought his car.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07He wants me to run away with him. My car's in the disabled bay.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09His back's poorly, they give him a badge. OK.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10We're getting out of here.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12This is Lee, he used to go out with Becky.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Yeah, Steve's told me all about you. Has he? No.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16You haven't been drinking, Becks.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19You'd better not be pregnant.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Don't say anything to anyone, cos I haven't told Steve yet.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26It's a big day, Paul, and you've gotta do what you think's right.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28You've gotta make a decision and stick to it.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Will you all please stand for the bride?
0:00:35 > 0:00:43This programme contains some strong language
0:00:43 > 0:00:48# Somewhere over the rainbow
0:00:48 > 0:00:54# Way up high
0:00:54 > 0:01:00# There's a land that I've heard of
0:01:00 > 0:01:07# Once in a lullaby
0:01:07 > 0:01:13# Somewhere over the rainbow
0:01:13 > 0:01:19# Skies are blue
0:01:19 > 0:01:25# And the dreams that you dare to dream
0:01:25 > 0:01:30# Really do come true
0:01:30 > 0:01:34# Some day I'll wish upon a star
0:01:34 > 0:01:41# And wake up where the clouds are far behind me... #
0:01:41 > 0:01:42You look really great.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46# Where troubles melt like lemon drops
0:01:46 > 0:01:49# Away above the chimney tops
0:01:49 > 0:01:54# That's where you'll find me
0:01:54 > 0:02:01# Somewhere over the rainbow
0:02:01 > 0:02:04# Bluebirds fly... #
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Kiss my hand, Paul.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08ALL: Aww. Veil.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# Birds fly over the rainbow... # Paul, veil.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17# Why then, oh why can't I? # Kiss me on the lips.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21LAUGHTER
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Please be seated.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44and welcome to the wedding of Laura and Paul.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48My name is Caroline, and I will be conducting the ceremony today,
0:02:48 > 0:02:49and this is Claire,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52who will be making the legal record of the marriage.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54SHE GIGGLES AND GASPS
0:02:54 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Over the years, Laura and Paul's love for one another
0:02:59 > 0:03:00has grown and matured,
0:03:00 > 0:03:04and now they have decided to come together as husband and wife.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07LAURA GIGGLES
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Paul and Laura, as you prepare to take these vows,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14give them careful thought and consideration,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17for you are making an exclusive commitment to each other
0:03:17 > 0:03:20for as long as you both shall live.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24If you'd like to take Laura's right hand with your right hand,
0:03:24 > 0:03:25and place it on Paul's left hand.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Do you give this woman to be married to this man?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33I do.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Thank you. You can now sit down. Well done, Nigel!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39LAUGHTER
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Next...
0:03:45 > 0:03:46well, you can take a seat too,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50because it's time for the first reading from Laura's parents,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Nigel and Jill.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54ALL: Aww.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57WHISPERED: How is she going to sit down in that dress?
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Er, Laura's collected her thoughts on marriage and asked us to read them.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21There will be photostats of these to collect at the end of the ceremony
0:04:21 > 0:04:23should you wish to do so.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Love is magic. Love is spherical.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Love breathes new life into the soul of the heavens.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Love is a cuboid.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44If you can't find love, love will find love.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Love is a parallelogram.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52When you're in love you don't need to apologise for things.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Love is a double flower that blossoms in the sunshine of the moon.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Stars must love each other.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02You can tell because they twinkle.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06If you are in love, you cannot die.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09When the horses and the cows learn to love each other,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11the world will be a better place.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Most people live, but not many people love.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20Dreams are made of love, but love is made of dreams.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24What is love but two hearts dipped in moonlight?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27If love is not love, what is love...
0:05:27 > 0:05:30BOTH: But love itself?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Excuse me.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41LAURA GIGGLES
0:05:41 > 0:05:43She was wasted last night!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45We spiked her drinks!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Thank you, Nigel and Jill.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56OK, Laura and Paul, would you like to come forward, please?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Yes, we would.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Thanks.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21You two OK, not too nervous?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I don't get nervous.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24OK.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Paul? I'm on cloud nine.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Great. LAUGHTER
0:06:30 > 0:06:33The place in which you are now met has been duly sanctioned,
0:06:33 > 0:06:37according to the law for the celebration of marriage.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Sorry.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Sorry. Thanks.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Before you are joined together in matrimony, I have to remind you
0:06:44 > 0:06:49of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Marriage, according to the law of this country,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55is the union of one man with one woman,
0:06:55 > 0:07:00voluntarily entered into for life to the exclusion of all others.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I'm now going to... Could you repeat that last bit again?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I wasn't listening.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Which bit?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06The last bit.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09OK.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Before you are joined together in matrimony... No, I heard that.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Marriage, according to the law of this country,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22is the union of one man with one woman,
0:07:22 > 0:07:27voluntarily entered into for life to the exclusion of all others.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Was that it? Yes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Oh, I did hear it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33OK.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Carry on.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I'm now going to ask each of you in turn
0:07:38 > 0:07:41to declare that you do not know of any lawful reason
0:07:41 > 0:07:43why you should not be married to each other.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46So, just reply, "I am."
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Are you, Paul, free lawfully to marry Laura?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Most definitely. LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:57"I am." I am.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00And are you, Laura, free lawfully to marry Paul?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Absolutely! LAUGHTER
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Just say "I am."
0:08:06 > 0:08:07I am. Thank you.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I am now required by law to ask anyone here present,
0:08:12 > 0:08:16who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry,
0:08:16 > 0:08:17to declare it now.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21LAURA GIGGLES
0:08:23 > 0:08:25LAUGHTER
0:08:25 > 0:08:27It looks like you got away with that one.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28LAUGHTER
0:08:28 > 0:08:30What the fuck does that mean?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Nothing, it was a joke. We're not paying you to make jokes.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34OK.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Just do your fucking job.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43There will now be a reading from Laura's friend Shelly.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45This'll be good!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Get me one or I'll tell Steve you're pregnant.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Laura wanted me to say something about her... Louder!
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Laura wanted me to say something about her and our friendship,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44so I've written a little poem.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46ALL: Ahh.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49"It's Laura's wedding day today...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52"And everyone will shout, 'Hooray!'
0:09:52 > 0:09:55"She's marrying her prince, Paul
0:09:55 > 0:09:58"And a good time will be had by all.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02"It's an honour to be a bridesmaid at their wedding...
0:10:02 > 0:10:06"Though I won't deny this speech is something I've been dreading."
0:10:06 > 0:10:07LAUGHTER
0:10:07 > 0:10:09"I've known Laura for many years,
0:10:09 > 0:10:13"Through lots of laughter and one or two tears.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16"We first at Homerton Hospital met,
0:10:16 > 0:10:20"We worked on reception and it was great fun, you bet.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23"We soon became the best of friends
0:10:23 > 0:10:26"Our Friday nights knew no ends.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28"Sharing little tips and tricks,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32"If something goes wrong, you find a fix.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36"Drinking in the Goose and going for a dance
0:10:36 > 0:10:38"I'd really like to go to France.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44"Our love and friendship goes back years
0:10:44 > 0:10:48"Love and friendship that fights the fears.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50"Laura's a lovely girl..."
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Put it away. "When her hair's wet..."
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Sorry, I'm just texting my mum. "..It starts to curl.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57"She's funny and she likes a laugh.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00"She prefers a shower to a bath.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03"She really is the life and soul.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07"She'd help you if you fell down a hole.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11"She's beautiful and she's pretty too.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15"There's nothing for love that she wouldn't do.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20"Laura, I wish you a happy life.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25"As Paul's loving and devoted wife."
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Aww. APPLAUSE
0:11:28 > 0:11:30BABY CRIES
0:11:35 > 0:11:38That was great, love.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Thank you, Shelly, what a lovely poem.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45I thought it was never going to end!
0:11:46 > 0:11:48BABY CRIES
0:11:48 > 0:11:50OK.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53And now for a surprise, something not in the order of service,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56a reading from Laura's sister Becky.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57And Laura has asked me to tell you
0:11:57 > 0:12:01that Becky wrote the whole speech completely by herself.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03It's all in her own words!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Good luck.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Becks.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22What are you doing? Read it.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Go on.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Well, I didn't really...
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Laura helped a bit with writing it. She's so modest!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Um...
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Um, OK.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09For those of you who don't know me, I'm Laura's older and...
0:13:15 > 0:13:18..fatter sister, Becky.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19LAUGHTER
0:13:20 > 0:13:23The best thing about Laura is how much better she is than me.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29She must be doing so well
0:13:29 > 0:13:32to be able to pay for a wedding as amazing as this.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34It's true. I am.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I love her more than anything else in the world.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44And the best times of my life are the times when she comes round my flat.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47ALL: Ahh.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I lead a very boring life, a bit like...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56..a bit like an ugly, disabled hermit.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00And I don't have a job or any money.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04And I don't leave the flat much and no-one wants to meet me.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07But I don't mind because I have my divine sister Laura
0:14:07 > 0:14:11who I love like the clouds love the sky.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I love you too, Becks.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Thanks.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Not only is Laura intelligent and funny...
0:14:21 > 0:14:24a bit like a cross between Chandler from Friends,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Stephen Hawking - before the accident -
0:14:26 > 0:14:30and that one who played Jonathan Creek,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32she really has the capacity to go far.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35One day she'll be famous and then you'll all be sorry.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Do you think that's enough? Don't be silly, Becks.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42You spent ages writing this.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Go on, Becky! Yeah, go Becky, you're doing great!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48CHANTS: Becky, Becky, Becky!
0:14:50 > 0:14:51OK.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56My favourite thing about Laura is her singing.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Ah, I never knew.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59LAUGHTER
0:14:59 > 0:15:02When we were little, she used to sing me to sleep at night.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09I've never heard a sound as beautiful as that, not even from a bird.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11She's such a talented writer.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I wish my relationship could be as strong as Laura and Paul's...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Put it away. Sorry, it's my mum.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19..their love is as sweet as the blossom on a tree.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Their happiness has never been equalled
0:15:21 > 0:15:23in the whole of human history.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Laura and Paul spend so much time laughing,
0:15:27 > 0:15:31it's a wonder they find time to have as much sex as they do.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33But they do have a lot of it.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35And when they do it makes Laur...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38She enjoys it. I bloody love it!
0:15:38 > 0:15:39BABY CRIES
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Basically, what happens is,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Paul gets in from work and he's exhausted.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46So I pop upstairs, clean my bits,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48put on this thing that I got off the internet
0:15:48 > 0:15:50and Paul goes at it like a madman!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54CROWD MURMURS Goodness...
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Carry on, Becks.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Laura is the victim of a sexist conspiracy.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05If she had been lucky enough to be born a man,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07she would be famous by now.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Unfortunately, though, because capitalism is evil,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15not forgetting the bankers,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18she has to wait for her true purpose in life.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19But when she makes it,
0:16:19 > 0:16:24the one thing we do know is that the world will be a safer place.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Laura loves recycling.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Every time she finishes using a piece of paper or a plastic bottle
0:16:30 > 0:16:34or, indeed, a can of drink, she places it in the recycling bin
0:16:34 > 0:16:36so it can be put to good use,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38saving those unfortunate enough
0:16:38 > 0:16:42to have been born and raised in the Third World.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44In conclusion,
0:16:44 > 0:16:49the great sadness of my life is that I'll live in Laura's shadow.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53But from her I learned how to love,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56how to laugh and, most importantly, how to believe.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I owe her everything.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Thank you.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05APPLAUSE
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Don't worry - I got it all on here.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Thank you.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Well, wasn't that lovely?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Now for the exciting bit.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Laura, Paul, would you like to come forward?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28I think we might need to pop outside.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30No, we don't.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Laura... Come on.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43You all right? Yes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48You sure you're OK?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Yes, I'm on top of the world.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54OK, lovely.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Please stand.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Laura and Paul, will you please face each other,
0:18:06 > 0:18:10and Laura, please take Paul's right hand in yours and repeat after me.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I don't know my left from my right!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24"I, Laura Felicity Williams."
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I, Laura Felicity Williams.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33"Take thee, Paul Harold Parker."
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Take thee, Paul Harold Parker.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42"To be my wedded husband."
0:18:42 > 0:18:45To be my wedded husband.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46OK.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Now you, Paul.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Please take Laura's right hand in yours.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58"I, Paul Harold Parker."
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I, Paul Harold Parker.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15"Take thee, Laura Felicity Williams."
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Take thee, Laura Felicity Williams.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20"To be my wedded wife."
0:19:21 > 0:19:23To be my wedded wife.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26ALL: Aww.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30LAUGHTER
0:19:32 > 0:19:34May we have the rings? Steve.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Try not to lose them again, yeah?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44He flushed the pouch down the loo.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45REGISTRAR: Paul, take the ring.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Take the ring, Paul.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Oh!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Don't worry, I always carry a spare!
0:19:55 > 0:19:56LAUGHTER
0:19:56 > 0:19:58What did I say about jokes?
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Get on with it.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05SHE GIGGLES
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Paul, take the ring and place it on Laura's finger.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11And, keeping your hand on hers, repeat after me.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16"I give you this ring as a sign of my love for you."
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Paul.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27I give you it as a sign of love.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Can I have a word?
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Laura. Yes.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Take the other ring and place it on Paul's finger,
0:20:38 > 0:20:42and, keeping your hand on his, repeat after me.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45"I give you this ring as a sign of my love for you."
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Can I please talk to you outside?
0:20:47 > 0:20:51I give you this ring as a sign of my love for you.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Laura and Paul, you have both made the declarations required by law
0:20:57 > 0:21:01and have made a solemn and binding contract with each other
0:21:01 > 0:21:03in the presence of your witnesses and guests.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It gives me great pleasure to pronounce you...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09husband and wife.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26You may kiss the bride, Paul.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Oh, good!
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Aww.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33OK.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Now, would you all please be seated while we sign the legal register?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40If our witnesses Sue and Graham could come forward?
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Auntie Sue!
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Congratulations. Thank you so much for being our witness.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51BABY CRIES
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Graham.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01We will now have a reading from Paul's friend Keith
0:22:01 > 0:22:03and his half-brother Ian
0:22:03 > 0:22:06during which we will be signing the register.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10There will then be an opportunity to come and take photos of your own.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Congratulations, Paul. Thanks, mate.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19BABY CRIES
0:22:27 > 0:22:30"Come live with me and be my love,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32"And we will all the pleasures prove
0:22:32 > 0:22:35"That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37"Woods or steepy mountain yields..."
0:22:40 > 0:22:42"And we will sit upon the rocks,
0:22:42 > 0:22:45"Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47"By shallow rivers to whose falls
0:22:47 > 0:22:49"Melodious birds sing madrigals."
0:22:54 > 0:22:56"A belt of straw and ivy buds,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58"Coral clasps and amber studs
0:22:58 > 0:23:00"And if these pleasures may thee move,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02"Come live with me and be my love."
0:23:04 > 0:23:06"The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
0:23:06 > 0:23:09"For thy delight each May morning..." Shh-shh-shh... Hey.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Hi.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Great speech.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Hah. I take it you didn't write it yourself.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16No, it was Laura.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17HE LAUGHS
0:23:17 > 0:23:20You two really are the original odd couple, aren't you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24BABY CRIES
0:23:24 > 0:23:27So, Laura's just told me.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28What do you mean?
0:23:28 > 0:23:29She said you were pregnant.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31But I'm not supposed to tell Steve, is that right?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35I just want you to know I'm here for you, babe.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Why did she tell you that?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Because you need the support of your loved ones right now.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41This has got nothing to do with you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Oh, look, don't worry. I won't say anything to Steve.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I just want you to know I'm here for you.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48I'm on your side. Just when...
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Hi. All right?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56BABY WAILS
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Smell her arse.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Ugh!
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Does it stink?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Have a smell.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16Augh!
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Wow. I wish my arse smelt like that.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21I'll leave you to it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28You've got a rotten old bum, haven't you?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Auntie Becky's going to clean it for you, isn't she?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Did you enjoy Auntie Becky's reading? It was good, wasn't it?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Yeah.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39You seen how small her hands are?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43BERNADETTE GIGGLES
0:24:43 > 0:24:45What did he want?
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Nothing.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49You all right?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Are you worried our wedding won't be as good as that?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Um, no.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58OK.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59What's wrong?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Becks...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Laura wants a photo with Bernadette.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Right.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Think she wants it now.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Right.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13You told her how great she looks?
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Yeah. Good.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21What's happened? Pardon?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Well, I was just wondering what you were saying to Becky when I came in.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28OK.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32You're quite controlling, aren't you, Steve?
0:25:32 > 0:25:33What do you mean?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Well, just wanting to know Becky's private conversations,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38that's a bit odd, innit? That's not what I meant.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41It's a free society. People died in the war for that.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44So if me and Becky want to say things to each other, in confidence,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47without you knowing, that's our prerogative.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That's not what I meant.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52To be perfectly honest, mate, I couldn't give a fuck what you meant.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54The only person I care about is Becky.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56She's a sweet girl but she's marrying you
0:25:56 > 0:25:58and I think she's being a fucking mug, if you'll excuse my French.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01CAROLINE: We're approaching the end now. After you.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Laura, Paul, if you'd like to come back to the front.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07OK, thank you.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10And now, to end the proceedings,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Laura will perform a song she wrote herself.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13I'm not doing it.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14OK.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16We haven't got time for songs. I need a drink!
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Hurry up.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25OK.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27I've been asked to say that the drinks and canapes
0:26:27 > 0:26:30will be served in the Runciman Room and on the front lawn.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31I didn't tell him.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35And don't miss the fireworks display at the end of the evening.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40When two people are as in love as Laura and Paul...
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Boring!
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Hurry the fuck up.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51OK. That's your marriage certificate.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58Now, it's my great privilege to present to you for the first time,
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Mr and Mrs Parker.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:08 > 0:27:11MUSIC: "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina The Waves
0:27:19 > 0:27:26# I used to think maybe you love me now baby I'm sure
0:27:28 > 0:27:33# And I just can't wait till the day when you knock on my door... #
0:27:33 > 0:27:37MUSIC: "Boom Bang-A-Bang" by Lulu
0:27:37 > 0:27:41# Come closer, come closer and listen
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# The beat of my heart keeps on missing
0:27:45 > 0:27:49# I notice it most when were kissing
0:27:49 > 0:27:53# Come closer and love me tonight
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# That's right
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# Come closer and cuddle me tight
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# My heart goes boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# When you are near... #
0:28:02 > 0:28:07Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Paul and Laura's wedding.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Paul is known by many different names...
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Faggot. Wha-What?!
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Laura, be a bit quieter, yeah?
0:28:13 > 0:28:15I am being quiet, Becks. Carry on, Steve.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17My fiancee Rebecca tells me
0:28:17 > 0:28:21that the first time Paul and Laura made love... Not that.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23Right.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# My heart goes boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang
0:28:26 > 0:28:28# When you are near
0:28:28 > 0:28:30# Boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang
0:28:30 > 0:28:32# Loud in my ear
0:28:32 > 0:28:33# Pounding away, pounding away
0:28:33 > 0:28:35# Won't you be mine?
0:28:35 > 0:28:39# Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
0:28:39 > 0:28:43# It's such a lovely feeling
0:28:43 > 0:28:47# When I'm in your arms
0:28:47 > 0:28:48# Don't go away
0:28:48 > 0:28:51# I wanna stay my whole life through
0:28:51 > 0:28:52# Boom bang-a-bang-bang
0:28:52 > 0:28:53# Close to you. #
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd