0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Have I the right to hold you?
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# You know I've always told you
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# I've loved you from the very start
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# Come right back, I just can't bear it
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# I've got some love and I long to share it
0:00:20 > 0:00:24# Come right back, right back where you belong
0:00:24 > 0:00:28# Oh, yeah, you belong. #
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Happy birthday, Mum!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Oh, hello! Oh.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Wow. Where have all these come from?
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Oh, Phil and Roger. Three each.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05They're even then. Level pegging.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Well, I can't compete with that.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Oh, but they're lovely.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Oh! Ooh, and soaps! Ooh!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Ooh, rhubarb and ylang ylang.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- What is that?- Not a clue.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21THEY LAUGH
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Oh, Mum.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Mum, this is Roger's stuff.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27You're not doing his washing on your birthday.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I'm just getting it out of the way.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- I will kill him. - Oh, please don't, dear.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Not on my birthday.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36There we are.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- No more vases? - No, sorry.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44If Roger wants to ruin his life, that's his business.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I don't see why he should be allowed to wreck everyone else's.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49He's just finding his feet.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51He's found your feet.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52He's very stressed.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Give me a break.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Oh, Phil.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Oh Phil, this is crazy.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Now, this has got to stop!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Never.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Sandra.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Will we have the pleasure of your company this evening?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I know how hard it is for you to find a window in that busy schedule of yours.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Not when it's my mum's 70th.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Oh, we are humbled and honoured. See you later.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21So it's four to three, with Phil in the lead coming round the last bend.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39IMITATES AIRCRAFT FIRE
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Maybe I can hear you. I'm over the English Channel now.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Oh, who's got some glue?
0:02:54 > 0:02:58It's OK. Tango, Foxtrot, Four. 15 here. I can see them below.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Tango Foxtrot Four, do you have blue?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Do you mind if I come in?
0:03:06 > 0:03:07I did read the signs but they were
0:03:07 > 0:03:10so OTT I assume that they were ironic, you know?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Please come in, I'm desperately short of company.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Very funny.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Otherwise, you would have...locked the door.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- What do you want? I am very busy. - So I see.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Oh. Airfix bomber, eh? I used to play with those.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Until I realised that it was time, as the Bible says,
0:03:31 > 0:03:34to put aside childish things.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- What do you want? - Turn the radio off. I'll tell you.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Now, uh, would you care to blow up some balloons?- Not much.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51You know, in aid of your mother's birthday party.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Yes, yes, my mother's birthday.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Which you've managed to weaponize.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Weaponize?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00You've always got to do more than everyone else, haven't you?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04More cards, more chocolates, more... oh, more bombs, more rockets.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06More balloons. More flowers.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Yes, I just gave Edith another bunch.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Of course you did.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17I've been thinking, Roger, and I think I've hit on the perfect
0:04:17 > 0:04:20birthday gift for you to... to give your mother.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24You know, it will outrank any of the others.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Go back to your wife.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Look, you don't realise it yet, Roger,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37but you'll never find another Wendy.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Well, I won't be looking very hard, will I?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Look, look at it from Edith's point of view. You know?
0:04:42 > 0:04:47Having a grown-up son that she's already brought up once
0:04:47 > 0:04:50turn up again for a second go.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52It's a bit dispiriting, isn't it?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Mmm, yes, I think I can tell that you're not on my side.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58No, I am, I am, I mean, you are after all, Edith's son.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Go back to Wendy.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Never.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Never.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Never.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Think of all the shared memories, though.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Yes, shared memories.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Like, like little bits of glass embedded in my brain.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Oh, come on.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Right from the start, and from our wedding day.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Oh, not the seating plan, no, no, please.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Not the seating plan.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25She made a fool of me.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29That's what women do, Roger. That's what they're for.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30I would never...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33not...not in a million years have put Steven Watt next to
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Veronica Darwin, and you can see, it's kind of catastrophic.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I imagine they got over it by now.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Oh, do you think so? Yeah?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Steven took holy orders and Veronica's just come out of rehab.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48My seating plan was very carefully thought out.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Then along comes Wendy and changes it to male, female, male, female,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55male, female, like the chain-linked fence,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- cos that's the proper way to do it. - It's 20 years ago. Just forget it.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Well, the crucifixion was two thousand years ago
0:06:02 > 0:06:04and people still remember that.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06That's a good point.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Oh, well.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Worth a try.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14That happen often?
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Never.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20My dad built this shed.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25I've decided that I am going to move the nail bar
0:06:25 > 0:06:27and the salon under the same roof.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Then I can properly focus on the health food shop.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Well, that sounds sensible.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33But there is a problem.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Right now, I just don't have the capital.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Ah.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I think you know what's coming next.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Go on.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45If you sold this place, which must be worth a fortune now,
0:06:45 > 0:06:50and moved in with me, it would solve all our problems at a stroke.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- Oh.- Yeah, you wouldn't be stuck with Roger.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I'd be there to take care of you.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57You'd have a room of your own.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00A big one at the front, and cash in your hand.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Yes, well...
0:07:02 > 0:07:04And I would give you a proper contract.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I'd pay you back inside of three years, no sweat.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Yes, but what about Phil?
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Phil?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13We're thinking of getting married.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Wow.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Really?
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Phil.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23You sure that's a good idea?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Quite sure.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Oh. Oh, Mum, well... Oh, that's great.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Fantastic.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Oh, to be honest, I could see it coming.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Well, it's still a bit up in the air.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39What about his floozy?
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Oh, that was years ago and she wasn't a floozy.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Whatever that is.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47No, she was just a very unhappy girl with problems.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49You're trying to put me off him?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Absolutely not.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53But she was stalking him, wasn't she?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Well, she did follow him around for a bit, yes.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59What a hoot.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Hey, you're talking about my future husband.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05You've got to admit that's funny.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Well, it is a bit, yes.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13You're not thinking of moving in with Phil and letting Roger stay here, are you?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Well, nothing's been settled.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Oh, he is such a slime.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22That's why he's come here. Can't you see?
0:08:22 > 0:08:26He just wants to keep an eye on the place and safeguard his inheritance.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30He didn't know about Phil and me until he came back.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33No? He's not as dim as he looks, you know?
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Well, nobody could be that dim.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38If you and Phil sell,
0:08:38 > 0:08:43then you're going to want somewhere to invest that money, aren't you?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Well, we haven't thought that far ahead.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46I'll talk to Phil.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50No, if anyone's going to talk to Phil, it will be me.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Oh, Mum, would you?
0:08:54 > 0:08:55Oh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I don't need a huge amount.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Around 50k would do it.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18The thing is, Roger, your mother's got her own life to lead.
0:09:18 > 0:09:24And I'm going to help her do that with my terrific birthday present.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I'm not going to tell you what it is.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28I don't wish to know.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You're burning with curiosity.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31No, I'm not.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I've tracked down Mrs Gale.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Mrs...Gale?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41She used to help Mum years ago.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- You mean when you were little? - Yeah, she bought me my first Beano.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Ah, clearly a remarkable woman.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Yeah, she's agreed to come and help Mum around the house.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53You won't be able to top this.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Roger, you do know that your mother is going to sell the house.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- Sell it?- Yeah.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I want to sell mine too, you see?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07And then we'll buy something somewhere together.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11I've actually been looking at property prices in, er, in Gozo.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Gozo?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Sell the house?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18No, I wouldn't want that.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21No, I wouldn't want that at all.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Strangers living here.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Strangers?- Yeah. Strangers. No, not that.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28But they wouldn't be strangers. Would they, Roger?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Not if they own the house. And you wouldn't be here.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35No, well, I'd refuse to move out.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39And eventually when I die, I'd haunt them.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I wouldn't give them a moment's peace.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Roger, are you on any kind of medication?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Just get out the way.- What?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Ah!
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Sturdy stuff!
0:10:57 > 0:11:01You're just an old fart who's frightened of getting old and dying alone.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Spot on!
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You're not completely without empathy, are you, Roger?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- What about Desiree? - What?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16You know, that floozy who was stalking you?
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Oh, she wasn't a floozy.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I mean, she looked like one,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21but that was years ago and she wasn't stalking me.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- She was just following me. - Yeah, why?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28She wanted to know the time and she thought I was a policeman.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Oh.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I saw her the other day.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Oh, very unlikely. She moved to Warrington or Walsall.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- Are you sure?- Absolutely.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Yeah, she was driving one of those Hotfoot delivery vans.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Don't be ridiculous.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Good god. Where was this?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, she was just pulling out of the petrol station.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55It was last Wednesday.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- I don't believe this. - She's on your tail.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00No, no, no. No, no.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Oh, well, um, if I were to order something, then she might
0:12:04 > 0:12:07deliver it and then you'd know for certain one way or the other.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Wouldn't you?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Do you really want to spoil your mother's happiness
0:12:12 > 0:12:16by blackmailing me into persuading her not to sell the house?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Cos that's what this is about, isn't it?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Well, you see, I see it more as saving her
0:12:21 > 0:12:23from a bleak exile with you in Bozo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Then you'd do better to think about my original offer.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- What was that? - Go back to Wendy.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Oh, that was an offer.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34My last and best offer.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Just get out of the way. We'll do it again.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Go on.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37After you.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Oh, you know that photo of Desiree at the petrol station.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Would you like a copy?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- DOG GROWLS - Please!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28He saw you behaving suspiciously.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- Did he now? - Lurking like that.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Would he like to see my passport?
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Is he going to insist on an explanation or would
0:14:36 > 0:14:38he just like to escort me to wherever it is dogs take people
0:14:38 > 0:14:40when they go to interrogate them.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44He's a clever dog and you were behaving oddly.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Oddly.- Oddly for some people. Normal, I suppose, for you.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49If he's such a clever dog, why didn't you realise that?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I mean, we've known each other for years.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55He's been leaving deposits at my gate as long as I can remember.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I mean, we're virtually old pals.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00He takes things on a case by case basis.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Well, for his information,
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I was doing a bit of neighbourhood watching.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, were you? Very public spirited of you.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Well, there'd been reports of strange behaviour from the
0:15:12 > 0:15:16couriers that work for Hotfoot and I thought I'd just check it out.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18What sort of strange behaviour?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Well, it's hard to be specific, quite honestly,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24but it's the sort of thing you develop an instinct for.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Do you?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I'm surprised your dog didn't pick that up.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Very puzzling.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Mmm, well, maybe he's right.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Maybe these are just rumours, you know, baseless rumours.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40Yes, well, there are a lot of those around here, too.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Well, must be going.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Something in the oven.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Ah.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51That's what it is.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- Sandra was here? - Yes.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02What for?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05To wish me happy birthday. She'll be back later.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07She's after money, isn't she?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Well, she did mention needing capital to expand her business, yes.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Didn't I say? - A loan.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh, Mum, you're such a pushover.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I daresay, but I don't want to discuss this now.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Mum.- Yes.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Phil says you want to sell the house.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I have been thinking about it, yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Do you have to?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Well, it is a bit on the big side and there seem to be more and more stairs every year.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- And when Phil and I get married... - And when will that be?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Um, spring of next year.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Maybe. - And then you'll go to Bozo?
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Bozo?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- I was born in this house.- Yes.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I wouldn't like you to sell it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- I might have to.- Yeah, I wouldn't like strangers living here.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53I love this house.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Sandra, she just cares about the money.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Roger, you and Sandra used to get on so well together.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Yes, because I used to be a pushover, too.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03What does that mean?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05She used to trick me out of my pocket money.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- I'm sure that's not true. - It is true.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09She'd insist on playing shop
0:17:09 > 0:17:13and then buy all my jelly beans with a few rusty washers.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14You never said anything.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's cos she threatened me.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- She said, "Don't tell Mum or I'll duff you up."- Roger...
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I only stopped when I got bigger and cynical.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Roger, stop it.- And now she's bullying you into selling the house.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- That's not how it is at all. - Yeah, Phil.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Phil and Sandra.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Yeah, they've hooked up on this.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Yeah, Sandra wants the money and Phil wants to see the back of me.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Well, I think I've spiked his guns.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35What does that mean?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I'll be devastated if you sell up.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44When and if, IF, I sell the house,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I shall settle the money equally on you and on Sandra.
0:17:47 > 0:17:53And that way, you can buy a flat or you might even go back to Wendy.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Never.- Oh, dear.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Sorry, I don't want to upset you, Mum.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Not on your birthday.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Not now. Not ever.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Mum, you do know that I love you, Mum, don't you?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Of course I do.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I love you too.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17Mum, do you remember Mrs Gale?
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Queenie? Well, of course I do. Why?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24She's your surprise birthday present.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25What do you mean?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Well, I know I'm extra trouble so I've asked her to come and help.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Just once a week. I'm paying her.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- What?!- It's great isn't it? You liked Queenie, didn't you?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36But in small doses.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40To be quite honest, she wasn't always easy.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Actually, some of the time, she could be a liability.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47But you are pulling my leg, though, aren't you?
0:18:47 > 0:18:48No.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Roger. It's out of the question.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- But, but, but I've asked her. She's coming. - Well, she can't! I couldn't cope.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I mean it. Roger, you've got to stop her.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Yeah, I'll go... I'll tell her.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Please do!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Yeah, I'm sorry.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08I know you meant well.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32- Edith.- Mmm?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- I've been thinking. - Tell me.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Well, I'm...
0:19:36 > 0:19:40I'm coming round to... to Roger's point of view.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41What's that?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Well, that you shouldn't sell the house yet.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Really? Wha... What's made you change your mind?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Well, you don't need the money.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I've got quite enough for the two of us, right?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55And if you do sell the house, then Roger will follow us.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I mean, he's perfectly capable of following us to
0:19:57 > 0:20:00the ends of the Earth, whereas if you don't sell the house,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03he'll almost certainly live here.
0:20:03 > 0:20:10Right? So, there's no real point in selling the house yet, is there?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Sandra wouldn't be pleased.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14I think Sandra's perfectly able to look after herself.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16I mean, it might not be for long.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20After all, I mean, Roger... Well, you know, he might get better.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Do you think so? Do you really think so?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Well, stranger things have happened.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I heard all that.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29I was standing outside the door.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Oh, Roger, for heaven's sake.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I think it's a good idea.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Nothing's been settled.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38And you know why Phil suggested it, don't you?
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Because when all's said and done, he's a decent bloke.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47That's why.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Aren't you, Phil? A decent bloke.
0:20:53 > 0:20:58We had a long chat about it and Phil is 100% on my side.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Aren't you, Phil? Which is very decent, all things said and done.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07DOORBELL CHIMES
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Oh, I wonder who that can be.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Ah! A delivery van.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Yes, a Hotfoot delivery van.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Maybe a nice surprise for Phil.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Phil, what's up?
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Hmm?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Hello!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Mrs G!
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Didn't you get my message?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Oh Roger, you haven't changed a bit.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Edith, you remember years ago,
0:21:47 > 0:21:50that mad woman that I had some trouble with...
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- Deidre or...- Desiree.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Something like that. Anyway, there are rumours that there've been sightings of her.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I just wanted to tell you that I have had absolutely nothing
0:22:00 > 0:22:02to do with the... with the fact that she...
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- SHE WHISPERS: Oh, my God! Mrs Gale! - Nothing to do with...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- Ooh, it's nice in here, now.> - Mrs Gale?
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Oh, yes, she's your surprise birthday present.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Roger was supposed to stop her!
0:22:15 > 0:22:20- Hello! - Queenie! What a lovely surprise.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Hello, Edith.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Happy birthday.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Oh, oh, thank you.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Oh, they're lovely. Oh, you shouldn't have.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Blimey, it's a bit like a mausoleum in here, isn't it?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Queenie, this is Phil.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh, pleased to meet you.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Aren't you the Phil that was connected with that...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Distinguished campervan company. Yes. Yes.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Queenie used to help me with the housework 40 years ago.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Yeah, those were the days. Good times.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Happy times.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52So, when Roger got in touch, I was as pleased as punch.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Yes, you see, I didn't know that Roger...
0:22:54 > 0:22:55I know.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I'm the big birthday surprise.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Well, he said he was back home causing trouble
0:22:59 > 0:23:01and you needed help looking after him.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- Er...- Yeah.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04I know, Roger.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06You scallywag.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08You're back home. Your mum needs reinforcements.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Queenie, I'm terribly sorry, and I don't quite know how to put this.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, you're not going to tell me I'm too old.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16No, you're not going to tell me I'm too old.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19No, of course not, no. It's just...
0:23:19 > 0:23:21And by the way, I don't want paying.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24I don't need the money. No, I'll do it for love.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26And for all those precious memories.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28- Queenie.- I'm paying.- Roger...
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I am, I've sold the car. It's a done deal.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32And how long would that last?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36You'll be down the tuck shop squandering it on gobstoppers
0:23:36 > 0:23:38and liquorice laces.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40That's very astute of you, Mrs Gale.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Oh, no, Queenie. Call me Queenie.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47And so, you've been, you've been away?
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Yes, I've been to Tasmania, Canada, Holland.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53All with different husbands. All dead.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Nobody will marry me now because they think I've got the evil eye.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Mrs Gale! How amazing is that!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Oh, you've not forgotten me, then.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Uh, not a chance.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09No, I wouldn't forget you either, Sandra.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Queenie's my birthday present from Roger.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I'm the big birthday present.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- I'll coming to give her a hand. - Really?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Well, with Roger back home, she needs all the help she can get.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Yeah, well, she certainly does, but not for long, we hope.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- How's that? - Mum has plans.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Well, if you're referring to the selling of the house,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- then things have changed. - Oh?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Please, can we not talk about this now?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Roger wasn't the only troublemaker then, was he?
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Do you remember when you took your clothes off in front of the vicar?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- No. - How old were you?
0:24:41 > 0:24:42- 19.- She was four.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46And the reverend Bruce and his wife were both very amused.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Really? - What has changed?
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Oh, Phil thinks that selling the house is a bad idea.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Uh, later, later.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Coo-eee!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- Who invited her? - Happy birthday, Edith.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- I did.- You absolute swine.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Wendy. How lovely.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I wanted to bring you a birthday cake.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Oh, that's so kind of you. Thank you.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11It's just a bought cake, I'm afraid.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15I would have made one but I didn't have all the ingredients as I...
0:25:17 > 0:25:18..as I...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22..as I couldn't get to the shop. Sorry.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Wendy! Wendy! SHE SOBS
0:25:25 > 0:25:27- Is that the wife? - Was the wife.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Wendy!- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Wendy, it's all right.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32It's all right, calm down.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Birthdays can be very emotional occasions.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38They're usually very happy occasions unless someone can't
0:25:38 > 0:25:40stand not being the centre of attention for five minutes.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Roger, shut up! Oh, Wendy.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45What is it? What's the matter?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48He's... he's sold the car.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50He sold my CARRRR!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I saw this coming. It's rather nice being right.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57It wasn't your car!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59It was more than half my car! Much more!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I'm the one who used it!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I've got to have a car, Roger.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I've got to go to work. I've got to pick the children up.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I use it all the time. You had no right to sell it.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12He's ruined my life again.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14I'm so sorry. I am so so sorry, Edith.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I promised myself I wouldn't say anything.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19I'd just drop the cake in and say happy birthday and give you
0:26:19 > 0:26:22a hug and go, and if I'd had the car, it would have been home-made.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- How did you buy the cake? - What? Online! I had it delivered!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Well, then you could have bought the ingredients in the same way.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- And then you could have made your home-made cake.- Roger! Shut up!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You're trying to stop Mum selling the house.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Oh, yeah, yeah, and why do you want her to sell it, eh? Mm?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40The money. That's all you've ever cared about, isn't it? Money.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I create things. What do you do?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- Not a lot!- Yeah, look, usual support from my ever-loyal wife.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47You're getting the support that you deserve.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Why are you stopping your mum from selling?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- Strangers.- Strangers.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- I don't want strangers here. - Strangers.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57What are you talking about?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- I need the car. - Well, boo-hoo.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Too late. Get yourself another one.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05Roger! Just listen to yourself. Will you stop this now?
0:27:05 > 0:27:09He can't! Because he is incapable of not saying the first stupid
0:27:09 > 0:27:11rubbishy thing that comes into his head!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I know! I know!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Every time! Every time!
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Come on. Let's go.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- Go where?- The Crown. Come on.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21But it's... it's your birthday.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Yes, exactly. - Oh, go, go, I'm enjoying this.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I'm sorry, Phil. I know you've made a big effort.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29No, no, no. You're absolutely right.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30I mean, this is hell.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- OK.- Go.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Get a bit of peace and quiet.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Oh, and I'm taking pics so you won't miss anything.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41They're going and it's all your fault, Wendy.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45- Roger.- You despicable apology of a human being.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Ah! This is a Valentino!
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Oh, we're off to a good start.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54This was meant for you.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- You horrible, horrible little cockroach.- Yes!
0:28:00 > 0:28:04You see, Mum? I told you Sandra always hated me.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- Bloody right! - WENDY: She's not the only one! I've had it with you, Roger!
0:28:07 > 0:28:11So, the Crown has...beef stroganoff on Tuesdays, does it?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Yes, I know. Yum, yum.