0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans - rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen - savage, fierce, toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks - brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we so like And your host, it's Stephen Fry
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello and welcome to Horrible Histories,
0:00:35 > 0:00:40the show that identifies the wider context of important historical eras
0:00:40 > 0:00:41and then throws that away,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44leaving only the smelliest, silliest, goriest bits,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47or as we like to call it, the good stuff!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- (Psst! Are you Agent Sophie?) - (Yes, I am she.)
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Agent Sophie, welcome to France.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I am Claude, your contact in the French Resistance.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I understand you have some instructions for me?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Yes, they are in my suitcase.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Here you go.- Wait a minute.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17You come all the way to German-occupied France
0:01:17 > 0:01:19to tell me I need a wash and to brush my teeth?
0:01:19 > 0:01:22No, of course not. Although...
0:01:22 > 0:01:26The secret instructions are hidden inside the soap and toothpaste.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- They are written on silk. - Oh, this is very clever.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33So, if the Germans search your suitcase, they won't find anything.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- Ingenious.- We thought so.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38So tell me, what do you have hidden inside these things?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41The hairbrush contains spare money
0:01:41 > 0:01:44and the chess set has a map of France in it, if I lose my way.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Amazing!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You British secret agents have so many things
0:01:48 > 0:01:50hidden inside other things. It is wonderful!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Oh, I see you have also brought some dinner and what's this?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh-la-la! A bottle of wine.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57No, no, no, no. Be careful with that.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59The wine is actually a bomb.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Of course it is. I should have guessed.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Next, you'll be telling me that you have hidden
0:02:04 > 0:02:06a machine-gun inside this fish.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Yes. Is it that obvious?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11I'll have to tell the boffins in London to work on that.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12They really are geniuses.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15They've even made mines that look like animal poo.
0:02:15 > 0:02:22Ah, so you are telling me, this cow pat is actually a landmine?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Oh, it even smells like the real thing.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30No, no, no, that is a cowpat. I didn't bring that with me.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Will you pass me the soap, please?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Of course, camouflage had to be adapted to suit the environment.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47In North Africa, for example,
0:02:47 > 0:02:50mines were disguised to look like camel dung.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Anyway, it wasn't just France and North Africa.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54All over Europe,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58strategies were devised to undermine the Nazi offensive.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Even those who had been captured were doing their bit.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Ah, Squadron Leader, we meet again.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Oh, have we met before?
0:03:15 > 0:03:19No, I just like the way I sound when I say that.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I'm Commandant Klinsmann, the new head of this prisoner of war camp
0:03:24 > 0:03:28and I hope you enjoyed your brief taste of freedom -
0:03:28 > 0:03:31your 23rd escape -
0:03:31 > 0:03:33because it will be your last.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Oh, dear.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40I have positioned additional guards here, here and here,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43making escape virtually impossi-...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Where did he go?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51He's done it again. Send 100 troops to find Squadron Lea-...
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- Cancel that.- Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Ah, Squadron Leader, we meet again.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Are we not counting just now? - Shut up!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Don't think I don't know what your game is here.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09British officers are under orders to keep trying to escape,
0:04:09 > 0:04:14which means that German soldiers spend their time chasing you down
0:04:14 > 0:04:18rather than fighting this war. Not any more! I'm in charge now.
0:04:19 > 0:04:25And you will find that I have eyes in the back of my head. He-he!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Now where did he go? What..?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Send 300 soldiers to find Squadron Leader...
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Cancel that.- Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41So, we meet again?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Don't say that! I say that!
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you on the spot?
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Because the Geneva Convention means you can't shoot officers.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Yes, forgot about that.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04Ah, yes, I see you would like to get hold of my keys, yes?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Let me tell you something.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10There are two things in this world that will never happen.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12One, you will never win this war.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17And two, you will never get your hands on my keys.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24They have won the war! We have surrendered! Every man for himself!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Right, this one's for the front door. It's quite easy.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36This one's for the back gate.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It's a little bit sticky. You might have to wiggle it a bit.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Lots of the Allied soldiers who kept escaping
0:05:41 > 0:05:45were moved to the old German castle, Colditz,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47which was meant to be escape-proof.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49In fact, there were more escapes from Colditz
0:05:49 > 0:05:51than any other prisoner of war camp.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54The prisoners had a gentleman's agreement with the Germans
0:05:54 > 0:05:57wherein they promised not to make use of equipment given
0:05:57 > 0:06:01to them for gardening and so on during their escape attempts,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04but only to use kit they had smuggled in.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Sadly, the Germans refused to believe the Allied assertion
0:06:07 > 0:06:11that ladder cake and hacksaw sandwiches
0:06:11 > 0:06:14were both traditional English delicacies.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Everyone knows that Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament
0:06:23 > 0:06:24on November 5th.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27But did you know that he was just one member of a much bigger gang?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29In fact, there were 13 of them altogether.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Come on, Fawkes. You couldn't have done this alone.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Who was in your gang?
0:06:37 > 0:06:44- I'll never tell you.- Oh, we'll see about that! Heh-heh-heh!- Heh-heh-heh!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- What?- What?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48You don't laugh, I laugh.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52TRAILER-ESQUE: 'It was the plot that seemed unthinkable.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54'Fawkes is The Explosives Expert.'
0:06:54 > 0:06:57We're going to blow up King James and his entire family
0:06:57 > 0:06:58at the State Opening of Parliament?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- Right.- Any reason, or just for fun?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02'John Wright is The Persuader.'
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Because you're Catholic and I'm Catholic
0:07:05 > 0:07:06and the King hates Catholics.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- He seems to think we're always plotting something.- As if!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12THEY CACKLE
0:07:12 > 0:07:14'It was the plot that sounded impossible.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16'Robert Gatesby is The Brains.'
0:07:16 > 0:07:21We're supposed to roll 36 barrels of gunpowder down the Thames,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23sneak it into this rented cellar,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26wait for Parliament to open, then I creep back in, light the fuse,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29run away, blow up the King - all without getting caught?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Yes.- OK.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Just checking I had that right.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37'It was the plot that would surely go wrong.'
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I've persuaded 12 guys altogether.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41That ought to do it, don't you think?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- Do you think we need one more? - Couldn't hurt.- I'll get one more.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Excuse me. Would you like to be in a plot to blow up Parliament?
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Oh, yes, why not? I'll just check my diary. When were you thinking?
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- November 5th.- Yes, I'm free. - Fabulous. That's 13, then.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Isn't 13 an unlucky number?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Don't worry, it will go off without a hitch.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03'Francis Tresham is The Idiot.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Hang on, my brother-in-law is due in Parliament on November 5th.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13I'll send him a quick letter telling him to take the day off. I'm sure he won't tell anyone.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14'It was the plot....'
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Three, two, one...
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- '..that went wrong.'- Oh.
0:08:19 > 0:08:24'Horribly, horribly wrong. Fawkes' 13...'
0:08:24 > 0:08:30What letter? What idiot sends a letter? Oh, no!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33'..failing to explode on November 5th, 1605.'
0:08:33 > 0:08:36You're going to be hung, drawn and quartered.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Gutted!- You will be.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Guy Fawkes was hung, drawn and quartered for treason.
0:08:43 > 0:08:49But there is some dispute among historians over what exactly the "drawn" element means.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54"Drawn" could be disembowelling or it could mean being drawn behind a horse.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Thankfully, such punishments died out long before the world went decimal,
0:08:58 > 0:09:05saving us from the confusing spectacle of seeing someone being cruelly hung, drawn and 0.25'd.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10James' son, Charles I, was just as keen on grisly punishments.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- Will? Will Prynne? What happened to you?- I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20King Charles I had my ears cut off for being rude about the theatre.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Pardon?- What?- I can't hear you.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28I had my ears cut off for writing a book that upset the government.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- I'm sorry, what?- I'm sorry?
0:09:30 > 0:09:35I said the king had my ears cut off a few years ago for being rude about the theatre.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39And when I was rude about some bishops the other day, he had me branded on the cheek, too.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- Ooh, that looks nasty! How did you get that?- Pardon?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- I'm sorry?- What? - Listen, I can't hear you.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I had my ears nailed to a piece of wood,
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- then cut off and left there. - Pardon?- Pardon?- Come again?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57For writing a book the government didn't like.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- I'll show you if you like. You can still see one over there.- Look!
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- There is an ear nailed to a post. - Pardon?- I wonder how it got there?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- I'm sorry?- An ear.- What? - Hold on, I've got an idea.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- Can you hear me now? - It's no good talking to him, he's as deaf as a post!- Sorry?
0:10:16 > 0:10:21- I made a joke.- Pardon? - I'm sorry?- What?
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Come again?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Strange man.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29What a weirdo.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52What, really? Welcome?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55You don't think we're giving out mixed messages?
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Staggering, isn't it? Which, of course, is another Viking word.
0:11:04 > 0:11:10None of those words existed in our language until the Vikings started settling in Britain.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15Their first major attack was on Lindisfarne Abbey in 793,
0:11:15 > 0:11:19and there are a number of theories as to why they came to Britain.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23CRASHING AND YELLING
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop! Whoa. What's going on?
0:11:30 > 0:11:34We were just minding our own business and they came out of the blue with axes and swords.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Ah, ah, ah, ah. One at a time, please.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40You. Is what he said true?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I asked you to stop for a second, while we sort this out, please.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47I was just... He...
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Thank you.
0:11:52 > 0:11:57Now, what are you doing here? This is Lindisfarne. We're a monastery. We're peaceful people.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Well, erm, I've never really thought about it before.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Why did we sail here from Scandinavia exactly?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Maybe it's because there's not enough food.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07There is a shortage of herring.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I thought it was because we needed more land.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12My dad's left his land to my older brother, which isn't fair.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15It's a bit crowded. We do need more space to live.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Plus we've got a new Viking king now, and he is SUCH a bully.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- As are our wives. - THEY LAUGH
0:12:20 > 0:12:25Right, well, it seems to me like you don't know why you're here.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29So why don't you just go home and we'll say no more about it, OK?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31No, I've remembered what it is.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33It's because killing is really fun
0:12:33 > 0:12:35and taking stuff from monks is very easy.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- That's it. - THEY MUTTER
0:12:38 > 0:12:40That was it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Right, well,
0:12:42 > 0:12:44as long as we're clear on that...
0:12:44 > 0:12:47carry on.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48YELLING
0:12:51 > 0:12:54The Viking influence can still be seen in Britain today in place names
0:12:54 > 0:12:58such as Scunthorpe - "Skuma's house" -
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Whitby - "white town" - Grimsby - "Grim's town" -
0:13:02 > 0:13:04and Swansea, named after King Sweyn of Denmark,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06which might explain
0:13:06 > 0:13:09why Swansea always looks like it's just been pillaged.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11And I mean that warmly and lovingly.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Really? "Shy?"
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Well, I am a bit, actually.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Stop staring at me. I'm going red.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Mm-mm.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46We Victorians were always coming up with new technology,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50like this, a device for the automatic tipping of the hat.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Oh.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54As well as some other, more useful inventions.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59'Twas the age of Queen Victoria's
0:13:59 > 0:14:01A period notorious
0:14:01 > 0:14:04So many brand-new goods we did create
0:14:05 > 0:14:11Our list is long and glorious Though I don't intend to bore yers
0:14:11 > 0:14:16- Was a time of great invention.- What it really? What did we invent, then?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Well, I'm just about to mention
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Drum roll, please Let's raise the tension
0:14:20 > 0:14:21CLEARS THROAT
0:14:21 > 0:14:23We invented...
0:14:23 > 0:14:25this music hall.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Is that all?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Well...
0:14:30 > 0:14:33A chap called Henry Bessemer invented molten steel
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Which led to other chaps creating the automobile
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Which led to petrol tyres and bikes so all that was required
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Was roads, so concrete came, and tarmac thought up, too.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45You're hired!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47# Ohhh
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- # Concrete, tarmac, steel - The automobile
0:14:50 > 0:14:52# Seal of rubber wheel
0:14:52 > 0:14:57- # Such inventive zeal - Still there's plenty to reveal
0:14:57 > 0:15:01# Victorian brains worked overtime to come up with ideas... #
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- We invented light bulbs - Nice one!- Cheers!
0:15:05 > 0:15:09# Typewriters and radios Now news was fast conveyed... Hello!
0:15:09 > 0:15:13# A telephone was no good till a second phone was made... Hello!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16# Our inventors did not snooze
0:15:16 > 0:15:18# Always had another ruse
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- # The latest flushing loos - Films that did amuse
0:15:22 > 0:15:25# Flashbulb cameras to use... #
0:15:25 > 0:15:28What a picture! What a picture!
0:15:29 > 0:15:33# Vacuum cleaners, toilet paper Postboxes and stamps
0:15:33 > 0:15:36# Toilets, aspirin, anaesthetics Locks, electric lamps
0:15:36 > 0:15:40# Sewing machines, X-rays, comics Ice cream in a pot
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- # Easter eggs and rockets - We invented the whole lot
0:15:44 > 0:15:46# Our... #
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Hang on, there's more!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51# Trains and lines and bridges and the underground as well
0:15:51 > 0:15:55# Paddle steamers, prams and disinfectant for their smell
0:15:55 > 0:15:57# Sterile doctors' instruments,
0:15:57 > 0:15:58# One last unmentioned brand
0:15:58 > 0:16:02# Victorians invented the world's first conveyor band... #
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Cuddly toy?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Invented in 1902, the year after Victoria died...
0:16:07 > 0:16:12- # Ohhh, barometers were new - Iron ships a coup... #
0:16:12 > 0:16:14What genius!
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Thank you!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17# Seems we're almost through
0:16:17 > 0:16:20# Just one little oversight... #
0:16:20 > 0:16:21BANG!
0:16:25 > 0:16:26THEY COUGH
0:16:26 > 0:16:29We invented dynamite.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31THEY COUGH
0:16:41 > 0:16:43She fell over!
0:16:43 > 0:16:47You're watching the News at 1066 with me, Dagbert Broadaxe.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49And me, Matilda Highwimpole.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51And we bring you news of a major battle at Hastings
0:16:51 > 0:16:52on the Sussex coast.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Reports of the battle are only just beginning to reach us,
0:16:55 > 0:16:56live by tapestry.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59We must apologise for the time delay,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01but these scenes have taken a while to embroider.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04It seems to have started with the funeral of King Edward,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07after which, of course, Harold became King of England,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09annoying William of Normandy,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11who thought the crown had been promised to him.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15These pictures show the Normans building their invasion fleet,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18stockpiling weapons and setting sail for England.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21No resistance when they landed, of course,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23as Harold was away fighting Vikings in Yorkshire.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Do we know what the Normans did after they landed?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Well, they do come from France, so naturally, they cooked themselves
0:17:30 > 0:17:31a massive meal.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Let's take a look now at the warzone itself.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36This report contains scenes of violence
0:17:36 > 0:17:37which you may find disturbing.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39We're in the thick of battle
0:17:39 > 0:17:43and it looks like the English infantry have left the high ground
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and been trapped by the Norman cavalry.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Sorry to interrupt, Matilda, but we're getting some breaking news.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53It looks like King Harold has been killed. That's what we're hearing.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Yes, King Harold has been killed.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58We don't know yet whether King Harold is the one you can see
0:17:58 > 0:18:00with the arrow in his eye
0:18:00 > 0:18:03or the one on the right being chopped down by the sword.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04It could be either.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06It looks like it's all over.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09So, William is now officially The Conqueror
0:18:09 > 0:18:13and the Normans have taken over Anglo-Saxon England.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15A truly sad day for us all.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- FRENCH ACCENT: - What's that you're saying?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I was actually going to say it's a very happy day.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Oh, happy day. Isn't that right, Matilda?
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Yes, Dagbert. Woo-hoo. Yippee.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Bonjour!
0:18:28 > 0:18:32There is indeed controversy over which figure on the tapestry
0:18:32 > 0:18:33is actually Harold.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Underneath the words "Harold Rex Interfectus Est",
0:18:36 > 0:18:39there's the character with an arrow in his eye.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42But there's also the one being hacked by a sword.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43In fact, the arrow in the eye
0:18:43 > 0:18:46may not even have been in the original tapestry,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48as the tapestry was restored in Victorian times
0:18:48 > 0:18:50and it might well have been added then.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52What's more, technically,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55the Bayeux Tapestry isn't even a tapestry,
0:18:55 > 0:18:56it's an embroidery,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59tapestry being a form of textile woven on a loom,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01composed of two sets of interlaced threads,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05and embroidery, fabric decorated by means of needle and thread or yarn.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08There's also debate about where it was done,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10when it was done and who it was done for.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13But I'm sure we've already lost enough viewers,
0:19:13 > 0:19:14so let's crack on.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22This is Lord and Lady Posh from the Manor...
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Hello. We're very, very, very, very rich.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28..and they're doing a wife swap with...
0:19:28 > 0:19:30the Peasant family of Poorville.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Hello. We're very, very, very hungry.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40So how will these two very different Georgian classes get on?
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Show me to my bedroom, poor person.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53This is your bedroom.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56And our bedroom.
0:19:56 > 0:20:02- And the living room, kitchen and dining room.- Oh.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05And where, pray, is the toilette?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Well, there's a hole in the ground out back.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Are you all right?
0:20:12 > 0:20:17And things don't get off to a much better start in the mansion.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Ah, you must be Mrs Peasant.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Hmm.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Enchante.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Eurgh.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42It's dinner time in the Peasant household.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I am absolutely starving. I haven't eaten anything
0:20:44 > 0:20:47for nearly an hour. What's for dinner?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh, the usual - nothing.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Why is your girl staring at my hair? It is quite unnerving.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58I think you've got some food in it.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03That fruit is decoration, my girl, hm? Hm?
0:21:03 > 0:21:07I swear, I had more fruit in my hair this morning.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10That little scamp has stolen an apple.
0:21:10 > 0:21:16I shall have a word with the judge in the morning and have her hanged.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21Dinner time in the posh house is a very different affair.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Do you know, I spend more on grapes every day
0:21:24 > 0:21:26than you probably earn in a month.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29We don't earn anything in a month. Not since you posh people
0:21:29 > 0:21:31were given ownership of the common land.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36Ah, the Enclosures Act. What a wonderful piece of legislation.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40I must remember to congratulate my close friend, the Prime Minister.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43But we poor people have got no fields left to work.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46That is a sad story.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Would you like my private 27-piece orchestra to play you something sad?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Orchestra!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Play something sad.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Now, do go on. FAINT ORCHESTRAL STRAINS
0:21:58 > 0:22:02I never thought I'd say this about the Lord of the Manor,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06but I'm starting to think, in actual fact, he's not really very nice.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It's time for the Lord and Lady of the Manor
0:22:10 > 0:22:13and the Peasants of the village to settle their differences.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17We really had no idea of the terrible conditions
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- in which you peasants live. - I see, my lady.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24So, my wife and I have decided to do something about it.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27We're going to flatten your entire village.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30What?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Well, it is quite an eyesore,
0:22:32 > 0:22:36and it really rather ruins our nice country views.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I mean, you can tootle off to town
0:22:38 > 0:22:42and die working in a mill or something.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43SHE SOBS
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Oh, no, you're upset. Oh dear.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Orchestra? Play something sad.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Oh, dear, dear, dear.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58No crying, no crying, now.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Well, you know, the Duke of Chandos,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06owner of the stately home Cannons in Middlesex,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09really did have his own private 30-piece orchestra.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12He even employed Handel as his resident house composer.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15So, presumably, when the Duke went to the toilet,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18the orchestra played Handel's Water Music.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21And the Earl of Carlisle really did have a whole village,
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Henderskelfe, flattened, because it ruined his view,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28making him the first landlord to convert every house he owned
0:23:28 > 0:23:30quite literally into a flat.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32But bad behaviour in the Georgian period
0:23:32 > 0:23:35wasn't just limited to rich adults.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38If you have any questions while I'm showing you around the school,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40don't hesitate to ask.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Thank you, headmaster. How hard will it be for Samuel to get in?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45The examination is straightforward.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48We examine your bank account, if you've got enough money, you're in.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50What is your attitude to discipline?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Discipline is very important at this school.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54We really, really wish we had some!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Do not throw stones in the quadrangle! - BANG!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Do not fire pistols at on the headmaster!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- If you'd just like to walk this way. - BANG!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04On second thoughts, run!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- What's going on? - Just a little high spirits. - BANG!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Aargh!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Must be double chemistry!
0:24:10 > 0:24:11BANG!
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- Who's firing pistols? Who's throwing stones?- Not sure.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16I think it's class 5B.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20- Schoolboys!? - Yes, just a little pupil rebellion.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- Rebellion?! - Nothing out of the ordinary,
0:24:22 > 0:24:24all the best schools have them.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You there! Yes, I'm looking at you!
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- You're late!- Sorry, sir. - You're a bit old to be a pupil.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32- Are you a teacher?- No, no, Colonel Warwick, British Army.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Headmaster calls us in when a rebellion gets out of hand.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37They've broken several school rules,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- I think you may need bayonets. - Yes, sir.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Fix bayonets!
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Good luck, Colonel!
0:24:43 > 0:24:44- BANG! - Aargh!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Right, that's quite enough of that!
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- All of you, see me in my office! - BANG!
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Ah.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58So, hands up if you'd like to see the library.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00ALL: Yes, please.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Both hands, if we surrender, they might let us across without firing.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04BANG!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Ow, my leg!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09On second thoughts, why don't I introduce you to matron?!
0:25:19 > 0:25:21When the Romans invaded Britain,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24they had a bit of a problem in East Anglia.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28The land they found there was wet and marshy.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Very, very wet, and very, very marshy.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35But then one Roman general had a bright idea.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Why don't we use stilts?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40His plan worked brilliantly,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43the stilts stopped the Romans getting wet.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46But, there was one small problem.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49The Celts worked out that the Romans on stilts
0:25:49 > 0:25:52were very easy to knock over.
0:25:52 > 0:25:58The Romans fell like dominoes, and the Celts swiftly finished them off.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Oh well, guess it's back to the drawing tablet.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- And quickly.- Yargh!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06And don't come back!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09The boggy marshes of the East Anglia
0:26:09 > 0:26:11were similar to the Pontine Marshes in Italy,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14where the stilts had been extensively tested.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Only the Romans hadn't taken into account
0:26:17 > 0:26:21the crucial difference in Britain, namely the not-so-friendly locals.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Gonna cause a stink Won't be the first to blink
0:26:29 > 0:26:36# I'm not who you think Don't mess with me, I'm Boudicca!
0:26:36 > 0:26:40# My husband Prasutagus died He was a Celtic king
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# I was his queen so due to me was half of everything
0:26:43 > 0:26:47# Roman law gave half to me so half was what they got
0:26:47 > 0:26:51# Till their nasty soldiers came and took the blessed lot
0:26:51 > 0:26:54# Hey, Mister, I say you got the wrong end of the stick
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# His answer turned this sister into one angry chick
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# No, man, Roman Don't push around this woman
0:27:01 > 0:27:05# You won't get far with Boudicca
0:27:05 > 0:27:09# Bowman, yeoman Smash the Roman foe, man
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- # All say, "Yah," - Yah!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12# Boudicca!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20# I built a massive army Headed straight for the city
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Beat them all with ease Unlike me it wasn't pretty
0:27:23 > 0:27:27# Chopped 'em and hacked But what made their red blood curl
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# It's bad enough being beaten but beaten by a girl?
0:27:31 > 0:27:35# Whacked 'em, smacked 'em Boy, how we attacked 'em
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# Near and far, ha ha ha!
0:27:38 > 0:27:42# Flay them, slay them up-and-down parade 'em
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# Boudicca, toughest by far
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# Colchester, London, St Albans
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# Everybody talk about dead Romans
0:27:52 > 0:27:56# We marched on up the Roman road that's known as Watling Street
0:27:56 > 0:28:00# They trapped us in the forest then thrashed us to our defeat
0:28:00 > 0:28:04# By now you've guessed I'm not the kind of girl who'll sit and cry
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Be sold a slave to Romans? You know I'd rather die
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# They tried to take me prisoner so I led the Roman boys on
0:28:11 > 0:28:15# Instead of giving in to them I swallowed special poison
0:28:15 > 0:28:19# Martyr, smarter capture a non-starter
0:28:19 > 0:28:22# This was our last hurrah
0:28:22 > 0:28:26# Slaughtered, dismembered Our tribe always remembered
0:28:26 > 0:28:30# Boudicca, superstar
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- # Boudicca - Superstar. #
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Don't diss this miss.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Well, that's it for this glimpse
0:28:37 > 0:28:40of the goriest bits of the days gone by.
0:28:40 > 0:28:41The final words
0:28:41 > 0:28:44go to Mexican revolutionary Francisco "Pancho" Villa,
0:28:44 > 0:28:46whose deathbed declaration was,
0:28:46 > 0:28:50- MEXICAN ACCENT: - "Don't let it end like this, tell them I said something!"
0:28:50 > 0:28:52With that, goodbye.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:28:55 > 0:28:58# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz We showed you all the juicy bits
0:28:58 > 0:29:00# Gory, ghastly, cruel and mean
0:29:00 > 0:29:03# Bursting out your TV screen
0:29:03 > 0:29:06# The past is no longer a mystery
0:29:06 > 0:29:12# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #