0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we supply And your host, it's Stephen Fry
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32- # Horrible Histories.- #
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello and welcome to Horrible Histories, the show that mixes
0:00:35 > 0:00:39the factual with the farcical, the hysterical with the historical
0:00:39 > 0:00:43and then confounds your expectations of a third alliterative couplet.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47You see, on this show, you really do never know what's coming next.
0:00:51 > 0:00:58Wow! The Victory. Me serving under Lord Nelson on his own flagship.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I can't wait to meet Britain's greatest ever naval hero.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Well, he's coming now.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Look out, I'm going to be sick!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08LORD NELSON VOMITS
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Sorry about that. I suffer terribly from sea sickness.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Ned Harris, sir.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18May I say what a pleasure it is to serve aboard the Victory.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Would you do me the honour of letting me shake you by the hand?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Don't worry, happens all the time.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Got hit in the arm by a bullet, had to have it sawed off.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Didn't see it coming. I had something in my eye -
0:01:29 > 0:01:32a large piece of shrapnel. Can't see out of the blessed thing now.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- How did you lose your legs?- What?
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Your legs seem to be cut off at the knee.- No, he really is that short.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44Oh, dear. Bit embarrassing. I'm a great admirer of all your work.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47The Battle of the Nile. The Battle of Copenhagen.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50LORD NELSON VOMITS
0:01:50 > 0:01:52This is ridiculous.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55He's supposed to be Britain's greatest ever naval hero
0:01:55 > 0:01:58and he's half blind, one-armed and he gets seasick.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04He may not be much to look at but he is a genius at sea battles
0:02:04 > 0:02:08and popular with the men, even as a stickler for discipline.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Sailor, have you seen the state of your shoes?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I expect men on my ship to be decently turned out.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- But you...- Get them cleaned up, man! They're a disgrace.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Honestly, you can't get the sailors nowadays. Excuse me!
0:02:22 > 0:02:23LORD NELSON VOMITS
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Nelson was, at the time, the most famous man in Britain
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and his beautiful actress girlfriend, Emma Hamilton,
0:02:32 > 0:02:36was the most famous woman. They were an enormously popular couple,
0:02:36 > 0:02:42although not so popular with Nelson's wife or Emma's husband.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Georgian celebrity wasn't limited to heroes.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48In fact, some criminals were just as popular.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Hello and welcome to the News At When.
0:02:55 > 0:03:01When? 1724, when a third of London's population turned out to see
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Britain's most famous criminal.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06To find out more, let's go over live to Jessica Harvey Smythe,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08who is soaking up the atmosphere.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Thanks, Sam.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16As you can see, thousands of people have turned up to catch a glimpse
0:03:16 > 0:03:20of their hero, Jack Shepherd, one of London's most glamorous criminals.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24He's escaped from prison not once, not twice but four times.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- These people clearly love him for it.- Jack Shepherd is well lush.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Yeah, he's like such a rebel and he's so daring.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- So, how long have you been a fan? - Since his first escape.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37He was held in St Giles's Roundhouse and he broke out through the roof.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40He lowered himself to the ground using bed sheets. It was wicked.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Yeah, and I really liked it when he escaped from Newgate Prison,
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- dressed in ladies' clothes. - That was so awesome.- There he is!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Let's try to get an interview with the man himself. Jack!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54HHTV News. Could we have a few words?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Course you can. Nice to meet you.
0:03:56 > 0:04:02Oh! 300,000 Georgians have turned up to catch a glimpse of you, Jack.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04That's one quarter of London's population.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Are you nervous?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09A few butterflies. It's not every day you're executed.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12When you say "executed", I'm sure you're planning to make
0:04:12 > 0:04:15one of your trademark daring escapes.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Oh, you know me so well. I do have a trick up my sleeve, actually.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- It's a pen knife. I'm going to use it...- I'll have that.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- This way, sonny. - I'll think of something.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Jack Shepherd there. Can't wait to see how he gets out of this one.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34And the crowd are going to go absolutely wild.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Jack is getting up on the scaffold now
0:04:36 > 0:04:38and he's putting his head in the noose.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I'm sure he's about to make his move any time now.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44And the hangman is about to open the trap door.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46He should be escaping any second...
0:04:46 > 0:04:48LOUD THUD
0:04:50 > 0:04:55Still, always nice to see a good public execution.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Great day out for all the family.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Emperor Nero was famous for persecuting Christians.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12He had some covered in animal skin and thrown to wild dogs.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Others covered in tar and set alight. Nothing if not imaginative.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18He wasn't much more pleasant to his loved ones.
0:05:19 > 0:05:25I now pronounce you emperor and wife. Emperor Nero, you may kiss the bride.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27You lucky, lucky thing.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30'He was the man who had everything.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- 'Land.'- Love you.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- 'Power.'- Hail me.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40'Grapes. A lot of grapes.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43'And the woman of his dreams.'
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- I love you, darling. - I don't blame you.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48'Then, one day, possibly whilst shopping for grapes...'
0:05:48 > 0:05:52I'm not paying for these. My empire, my rules.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57'..Nero met the woman of his dreams. Yes, another one.'
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Who is that?
0:06:00 > 0:06:06- Will you go out with me?- Won't your wife mind?- I shouldn't think so.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- Do you mind?- Yes, I mind!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You can never second guess these things.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16'But Nero was prepared to do anything to be with the woman he loved.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21'No, no, the other one. Yeah, yeah, that one, there.'
0:06:22 > 0:06:26I need a sign - something to show that you love me now, not her.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Right, well, something more than grapes,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31because I've got loads of grapes?
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Yes, something more than grapes! - Right.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42'This summer, one emperor will prove that love is a gift.'
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Darling, it's just what I wanted.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Your wife's severed head in a basket.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53'Coming soon, the film that puts the Roman in "romantic comedy".'
0:06:53 > 0:06:56You wouldn't cut off my head and put it in a basket, would you?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Baby, of course not.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03- I'm going to have you kicked to death.- What?- Ssh, nothing.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08'Love You To Death, based on a true story, rated unreasonable.'
0:07:08 > 0:07:13Emperor Nero really did have his wife's head cut off
0:07:13 > 0:07:15and delivered to his new girlfriend.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Thus, proving that it's always wiser to give your boyfriend
0:07:18 > 0:07:21specific instructions when it comes to presents rather than saying,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23"Oh, I don't mind, go on, surprise me."
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Nero showered his favourite gladiator Spiculus with gifts, too -
0:07:28 > 0:07:30rather more pleasant ones.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34'In this week's Ave! magazine, an exclusive interview
0:07:34 > 0:07:38'with the most famous sportsman in Rome, Spiculus the gladiator.'
0:07:38 > 0:07:42My name's Tiberius Claudius Spiculus. You can call me Spics.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44I used to be a slave.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47But then I fought so well in the arena, I won my freedom.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52The Emperor Nero likes me so much, he's given me my very own palace.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54'Read how Nero made his favourite gladiator
0:07:54 > 0:07:56'head of his personal protection force.'
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Only problem is I'm now so famous I can't go anywhere
0:07:59 > 0:08:01without being stopped for pictures.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Over here, Spiculus! Nice.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07'And the pictures the celebrity gladiators didn't want you to see.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10'Have you never heard of a Roman bath?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14'Plus, our soothsayer predicts the future by reading chicken entrails.'
0:08:14 > 0:08:20I can safely say it's going to be a bad week for this chicken.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23'Yes, all the goss, all the pics, all the Roman rumours,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26'only in this week's Ave! magazine.'
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I can safely predict you're going to buy it.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32'Only 99 denari.'
0:08:36 > 0:08:38During the War,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41despite the fact that the Germans never invaded Britain,
0:08:41 > 0:08:45lots of Home Guard volunteers were injured.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48And all the injuries you're about to see are genuine and taken from
0:08:48 > 0:08:53the Durham Home Guard accident book. No, really, really, they are.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Attention! Durham Home Guard prepare for roll call.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03- Volunteer Birtwhistle.- Present, sir. - Excellent. Volunteer Davidson?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- No Davidson?- He's in hospital, sir, he's got injured.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- He got shot in the arm, sir.- By the enemy?- No, by another volunteer.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Right. Volunteer Fraser? - Injured, shot in the leg, sir.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18- By another volunteer?- No, sir, by himself. His gun went off by mistake.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- Jenkins?- Got knocked off a bike by a dog.- Simpson?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Injured himself in gym practice, sir. Tripped over a mat, smashed his face.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- Skellan?- Fractured ankle, sir. - At the same gym practice?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31No, sir, no. A table collapsed on him.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35How is the Home Guard supposed to defend Britain from an attack
0:09:35 > 0:09:38from Germany, if we're all injured? It's extraordinary.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Sorry I'm late.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Volunteer Tomkins reporting for duty, sir.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Good heavens, Tomkins, what have you done to yourself?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I sliced the top of my finger off
0:09:50 > 0:09:54when I was adjusting the chin strap on my helmet, sir, so...
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Well, it's a good job that today I shall be giving you all
0:09:57 > 0:09:59a demonstration on first aid.
0:09:59 > 0:10:00BOTH: Yes!
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- I need a volunteer. Birtwhistle.- Yes, sir.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Lie on the floor, there's a good chap.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Ouch!
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Good heavens, man, what have you done?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14It's nothing to worry about, sir, it's just a massive splinter.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I'll come and help you.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Now let's have a look at that. Agghh! Oh, no!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I think I've severed a tendon in my back. It's gone.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27- Don't just stand there, Tomkins, phone an ambulance!- Right away, sir.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- I think it's gone through to the bone, sir.- Don't panic. Here we go.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Ow! Oh, me finger!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- I think I need some kind of doctor!- Lend us a hand, sir!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Tomkins...arrgghh.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Agghh, now my foot's stuck! - My back's gone!
0:10:41 > 0:10:43THEY ALL MOAN
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Women were not allowed to join the Home Guard
0:10:46 > 0:10:49but many formed their own defence groups anyway.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52One of the first was the London-based Amazon Defence Force,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56which featured Marjorie Foster - a prize-winning shot with a rifle.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00In fact, women all over Britain got behind the war effort.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10# We're girlies from the '30s Wash the dishes, scrub the floor
0:11:10 > 0:11:15# When all of a sudden Our hubbies went to war
0:11:15 > 0:11:21- # Did you think we'd shrink in England's needy hour?- You what?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- # Course not - Cos we've got girl power
0:11:25 > 0:11:30# Our men are fighting World War Two But we're not gonna boo-hoo-hoo
0:11:30 > 0:11:36# It's our World War Two too, girls Plenty we can do, girls
0:11:36 > 0:11:40# We're the World War Two girls Our war begins right here
0:11:44 > 0:11:49# I make weapons in the factory Drill and bolt and screw
0:11:49 > 0:11:54# With rules so strict they even time you when you're on the loo
0:11:54 > 0:11:59# Making bombs and bullets Means I'm always mucky
0:11:59 > 0:12:04# I've put my name down for a bath I'll get one if I'm lucky
0:12:04 > 0:12:09# There is no job that we can't do It wasn't long till our roles grew
0:12:09 > 0:12:15# Your country needs you, girls Army, navy too, girls
0:12:15 > 0:12:19# We're the World War Two girls This is our career
0:12:20 > 0:12:23# I'm a plane fixing Plain speaking
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# Photo taking, code breaking Air Force miss
0:12:26 > 0:12:29# Radar manning, lorry driving Weather guessing, foreign spying
0:12:29 > 0:12:31# I do all this
0:12:31 > 0:12:36# I took the role of land girl While our men fight far away
0:12:36 > 0:12:41# Farming on the home front Helping save the day
0:12:41 > 0:12:46# Tending crops and animals Manual labour hurts
0:12:46 > 0:12:51# In the field my uniform's This scratchy tie and shirt
0:12:51 > 0:12:56# When World War II is over, though We'll be proud cos we will know
0:12:56 > 0:13:01# Thanks to us it's true, girls Came to the rescue, girls
0:13:01 > 0:13:07# We're the World War Two girls Original girl power. #
0:13:12 > 0:13:15We didn't write things down in Incan Peru.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Messages were sent around the Empire using a relay team of runners
0:13:18 > 0:13:23called the Chasqui. It was a real test of fitness and memory.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26You asked for me, chief?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Are you from the Chasqui Messenger Services?- Yes, chief.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33I want you to relay the following message to the high chief
0:13:33 > 0:13:35at Nazca, 50 miles to the west.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Yes, chief, what's the message?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Message is, "Invaders are nearing the coast.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43"Defences must be reinforced."
0:13:43 > 0:13:48"Send 50 men with spears under cover of night and please hurry."
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Now, go.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Chasqui Messenger Service.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Message is, "Invaders are nearing the coast.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02"Defences must be reinforced.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06"Send 50 spears under cover of night, please hurry."
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Sweet.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18Invaders are hearing the most. Erm, defence is dusty. Feel the force.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Send 50 spears under the cover of...rice. Please hurry.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29The invaders are hearing a ghost. This fence is rusty. Peel the horse.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Send 50 spears under cover of rice and peas.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- What news?- The invaders in earrings are ghosts.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Their fence was rusted by a peeing horse.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Send Britney Spears covered in pea and rice curry.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48You heard the man.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Though, in fact, the network was actually astoundingly efficient.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Each messenger only ran about one mile.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02So, a message could travel 150 miles in a single day and fresh fish
0:15:02 > 0:15:06could be delivered from the sea to Cuzco, high in the Andes.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11So, kind of like a supermarket home delivery service, only reliable.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14You might wonder why the Incas didn't use horses.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Well, it's because they hadn't even seen horses
0:15:17 > 0:15:20until the Spanish conquistadors arrived.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Hola. Welcome to Very Rough Guide.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31It's 1526 and I am Spanish explorer Francisco Pizzaro.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- This is my right-hand man, Pedro. - Hola.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Today's programme is all about visiting Peru.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38And stealing all of their gold.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Pedro, please. Don't talk about stealing the gold, OK?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Sorry about that. OK. The journey here was very simple.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49All we had to do was sail 5,000 miles from Spain to Panama.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Travel over land through the dense jungle,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55then build a whole new boat and sail down the coast to Peru.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- It only took us two and half years. - Easy peasy, squeeze the lemon.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02And now we are going to meet some local Incas, see how they live
0:16:02 > 0:16:04and find out about their magnificent culture.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- And steal all their gold.- Pedro, don't mention the stealing of gold.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14'When we met them, the local Incas couldn't have been more welcoming.'
0:16:14 > 0:16:19- Children of the Sun! - Oh, yeah!- Hello.- Welcome.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21'They thought we were sun gods because the sun
0:16:21 > 0:16:23'reflected off our steel armour.'
0:16:23 > 0:16:28Why not take us sun gods to see all your lovely gold, so we can steal it?
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Pedro, I told you, don't mention the gold. What is wrong with you?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Do you want to pop in? Follow us.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45'The Incans have some very unusual attitudes to wealth.'
0:16:45 > 0:16:51- I'm an Incan chief. I'm very rich. - Wonderful. How very rich, exactly?
0:16:51 > 0:16:56Very rich. I have many wives, many children, many grandchildren.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- What about gold?- Pedro, please.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Yes, we've got lots of gold
0:17:00 > 0:17:02but I don't see what that's got to do with being rich.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Oh, nothing at all. Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07No, I don't...
0:17:09 > 0:17:11It's brilliant.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15In Peru, there is so much gold the Incas don't really value it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20For them, your family, your followers are your real riches.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25- Gold is worthless. OK, we're going to go now. So, bye.- Bye-bye.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- Nice to meet you.- Bye.- Ta-ta.- OK. Walk, don't run.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- They seemed very nice.- 'I really recommend the visit to Peru.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36'My first trip has only cost me 100,000 pesos.'
0:17:36 > 0:17:39But next time I will bring extra troops
0:17:39 > 0:17:42and I will make millions from stealing all their gold.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47- Ssh!- Don't you push me. - But you said....- What? It's OK now.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Do you see Incas around? No. What is wrong with you all the time?
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Don't push me.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?'
0:18:02 > 0:18:04MAN SCREAMS
0:18:05 > 0:18:08'Trip or fall at work?
0:18:08 > 0:18:12'Suffered a personal injury or sickness?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14'Then you could have been cursed by a witch.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19'So, get in touch with us at Witchfinders Direct.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22We'll find some innocent woman, say she's a witch
0:18:22 > 0:18:25and have her burnt to death.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29'Farmer Pocket of Crawley lost all his cabbages
0:18:29 > 0:18:31'when they were eaten by slugs.
0:18:31 > 0:18:37'He lost, literally, several shillings. He called in Witchfinders.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41'And we decided the slugs had been sent by the strange, old woman
0:18:41 > 0:18:42'who lived in the village.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- 'Yes, her!'- It wasn't me. - 'Yes, it was!
0:18:47 > 0:18:51'She's old and warty and looks a bit evil, don't you think?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54'So, we had her dragged away and given a fair trial.'
0:18:54 > 0:18:58- Do you have a cat?- Yes.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Then, thou art a witch!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03'She was put to death and her cat sent to prison.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08So if you have anything go wrong in your life, call Witchfinders Direct.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12We'll find some innocent old woman and blame her for it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15'Witchfinders. Because old ladies deserve it.'
0:19:31 > 0:19:36The infamous Stuart Witchfinder General was Matthew Hopkins.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38He created the post for himself
0:19:38 > 0:19:42and rose to prominence in a brief window of 1645 to 1647.
0:19:42 > 0:19:48Paid per witch prosecuted, Hopkins notched up at least 250 prosecutions
0:19:48 > 0:19:52and 100 hangings, after his brutal interrogation techniques
0:19:52 > 0:19:58led to many confessions of meeting and making a pact with the devil.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Someone with whom Hopkins has now surely spent rather a lot of time.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10In 1520, King Henry VIII of England met Francis I of France
0:20:10 > 0:20:14in a celebration of peace between the two countries.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16What could possibly go wrong?
0:20:18 > 0:20:19'Welcome to...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24'We are ringside at...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27'..live from France in 1520AD.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31'Two of the greatest Tudor monarchs go head to head,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34'King versus King in a really royal rumble.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39'So let's meet the wrestlers, King Francis I of France, king of bling.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43'He may not be big but he's fast and he sure is pretty.'
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- FRENCH ACCENT:- Pardon, is there going to be a fight?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48It was my understanding that we were all here to celebrate the peace
0:20:48 > 0:20:52between our two great nations with the music, art, dancing.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55'And fighting!'
0:20:55 > 0:20:59OK, normally I have soldiers to do that sort of thing for me, so...
0:20:59 > 0:21:03'Well, not today because you're going one on one with Henry VIII,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06'reigning King of England.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11'He's 6'2", a little over 120 kilos and not all of it muscle.'
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Oi! I heard that.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14'If you think Henry's stats are impressive,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16'just check out his tent for the event.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20'It's as big as a palace, 100 metres long, 100 metres wide.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24'It's got its own chapel, 35 priests and two fountains flowing with wine.'
0:21:24 > 0:21:29I've been fighting all my life but this is the big one.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I am going to take you down. I am going to tear you apart.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- I'm going to rip your legs off. - Is this really necessary?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Aren't we meant to be celebrating the long historic friendship
0:21:41 > 0:21:42between our two peoples?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45What better way to celebrate the peace than with a fight?
0:21:45 > 0:21:50'Well, the tension here is almost unbearable. And here we go
0:21:50 > 0:21:54'for the biggest, longest, most gruelling wrestling match in history.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57'It's all over.'
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Hello, who's for some art, music and dancing?
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Best of three.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Yes, Francis I and Henry VIII really did a have a wrestling match
0:22:12 > 0:22:17and the French King won by tripping Henry, who said it was cheating.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20And Henry hated not getting his own way.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23So you can imagine how well it went down a decade later,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26when he asked the Pope for permission to get a divorce
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and was turned down.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31At the time, the Pope had been placed under house arrest
0:22:31 > 0:22:33by the king of Spain,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36so Henry had to send a special envoy to pose the question.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39These days, he might just have Skyped him.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44KING HENRY HUMS TO HIMSELF
0:22:50 > 0:22:55Yes, I'm still a handsome devil. What's this?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Could it be that my dear wife, Catherine has given birth?
0:22:58 > 0:23:03Oh, she has. Please be a boy. Please be a boy, please be a boy.
0:23:03 > 0:23:10Oh, no! Oh, no. Why has God forsaken me with only lady babies?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I must have a male heir.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16A queen on the English throne would be disastrous.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Girls are too silly to rule countries. It's all my wife's fault.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I'm going to divorce her.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25No, worse, I'm going to drop her from my top eight on Yebo
0:23:25 > 0:23:28and then I'm going to divorce her.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33Yes, see how she likes that. There we go. Take that. Oh, no.
0:23:35 > 0:23:40That's put the king of France in my top eight. He's an idiot. Right.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I'll have to completely rearrange my friends list now.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45RINGING TONE
0:23:45 > 0:23:48The Pope. What does he want?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Ah, Your Holiness, hello to you.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58I thought you were languishing in a rat-infested Spanish dungeon.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03I am. But it has excellent wi-fi coverage.
0:24:03 > 0:24:08Henry, is it true, you dropped the Queen from your top eight of Yebo?
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Yes, it's true. She bore me the wrong kind of baby.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16I specifically asked for a boy.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19So I'd like to divorce her, if that's OK with you.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22What? No! No!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- Absolutely not!- Well, it's too late.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- I'm looking on Tudorbrides.com, as we speak.- But Henry, listen to me.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Here's one.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Well, I must marry her right away.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Henry, the Catholic Church unremittingly refuses
0:24:50 > 0:24:51your request for a divorce.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Oh, really?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57I'll set up my own church if you're going to be like that.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00You can't set up your own church.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02You need scriptures and a dogma.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08That is sooo 1529.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12You can do it all online now. There we go.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Church of Henry?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Yes. Oh, it's gone.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24Henry, I implore you. Please, think of the implications,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27the damage it will cause, Henry.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- Church of England? Yeah, that will do.- Henry, please listen to me.
0:25:31 > 0:25:37- I'm the Pope. Henry? Henry!- Sorry, Your Holiness. I've got to go.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41E-mail just popped in. It might be from Anne Boleyn. See you later.
0:25:44 > 0:25:50Oh, what does this idiot want? King of France indeed.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Oh, he's sent me a virus. Very clever.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Well done, yeah. Idiot.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05If you know anything about the Egyptian hieroglyphic writing system,
0:26:05 > 0:26:10you'll know it's hideously complicated and hard to explain.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12So, we thought we'd try and sum it up in a couple of minutes
0:26:12 > 0:26:14through the medium of song.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21# Settle down, class, now you've passed
0:26:21 > 0:26:23# Your grade one pyramid selling
0:26:23 > 0:26:26# Yeah, the time has come For me to drum
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# Some facts into you about spelling
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# Oh, it seems to me your ABC
0:26:31 > 0:26:32# Skills are less than terrific
0:26:32 > 0:26:34# So, buck up, boys
0:26:34 > 0:26:38# As we master the joys Of the lovely hieroglyphic
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Everyone needs their ABC
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# It's as simple as vulture, foot, basket
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# You know how to sing do-re-mi
0:26:45 > 0:26:48# Easy to spell It's hand, eye thingy, owl
0:26:48 > 0:26:50# ABC
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Vulture, foot, basket
0:26:50 > 0:26:52# Do-re-mi
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Hand, eye thingy, owl
0:26:57 > 0:27:00# You'll pass with ease and find it's a breeze
0:27:00 > 0:27:01# The rules are scientific
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# Don't have to be smart
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# All you do is start With simple phonetic glyphics
0:27:06 > 0:27:09# Next you get two letters to set
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# More things called logographic
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# Finally, third, the form of a word Determinatives... #
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Horrific!
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Everyone needs their flamingo, house, sun
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# It's simple But sun can mean duck, everyone
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# You all know how To write your name
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# Except for me Tutanephututakhamen
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# Flamingo, house, sun
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Means duck to some
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# Tutanephututakhamen
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Let's leave that one
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# If you find it hard don't be afraid
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# To go and ask your mummy for aid
0:27:40 > 0:27:42# Now it's time for a spelling bee
0:27:42 > 0:27:45# That's not how you spell "bee" See me! #
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Foot, reed, reed. Easy!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49# Cat, pig, dog,
0:27:49 > 0:27:50# Rat, duck, frog
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Make your spelling magnific
0:27:52 > 0:27:53# You can go up and down
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Left and right and around
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# No punctuation in hieroglyphic
0:27:57 > 0:28:00# A, B, C, D, E, F, G
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# Just 700 characters or so
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# Now that's done Let's have some fun
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# With numbers, here we go!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# Everyone needs their one, two, three
0:28:09 > 0:28:12# It's as simple as eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
0:28:12 > 0:28:14# You can all count to 99
0:28:14 > 0:28:15# Easy to write
0:28:15 > 0:28:19# It's hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# Eye, eye,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23# eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# One, two, three
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Eye, eye, eye
0:28:26 > 0:28:27# 99... #
0:28:27 > 0:28:32Hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye.
0:28:32 > 0:28:33Basket?
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Well, that's all for this trek
0:28:38 > 0:28:41through the terrible truths of time past.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45The final words go to American Civil War general John Sedgwick,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48who, at the battle of Spotsylvania, was killed by sniper fire
0:28:48 > 0:28:51moments after uttering the immortal line,
0:28:51 > 0:28:54"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
0:28:54 > 0:28:56With that, goodbye.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:28:58 > 0:29:01# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz We showed you all the juicy bits
0:29:01 > 0:29:04# Gory, ghastly, cruel and mean
0:29:04 > 0:29:07# Bursting out your TV screen
0:29:07 > 0:29:09# The past is no longer a mystery
0:29:09 > 0:29:13# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #