0:00:00 > 0:00:02This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06It's been a while since I've been on a date.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08It's all about first impressions.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Oh, hey! Sorry I'm late.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Stop it, stop it.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Sorry I'm late,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27but the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony ran over.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Hey!
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Sorry I'm late.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Sleep.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Hey! Sorry I'm late.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47I'm on a government mission.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Oh, hey! Sorry I'm late.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52My name's Don.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54But some people call me...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Transporter-tron.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Are you still waiting for your date, madam?- Yes.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Well, wait no longer...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Sorry I'm late.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12So, shall we order some wine?
0:01:12 > 0:01:17I guess I'll just have to rely on my charm and wit. Sorry I'm late.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- By an hour.- Really?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Oh, my God! What are you doing?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Jesus, sorry, sorry! Ow!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Impressive, eh?
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- Ready to order, Madam? - Er, yeah, I'll have the salad to start and then the risotto.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Excellent choice. - Excellent choice?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Why do waiters say that? As if they'd ever say...
0:01:57 > 0:02:00That has got to be the most pathetic order I've ever heard!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I mean really, you should be ashamed of yourself!
0:02:02 > 0:02:06And for you, sir?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Er... not sure, er...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11I'm rubbish at making decisions under pressure.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- Come on, Don. - Salad to start and then the risotto?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- To drink?- No, I'll eat it. - Very good, sir.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20I meant, what would you like to drink?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Oh, er, we'll have whatever that wine was.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Marvellous.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- Marvellous? Why was it marvellous? Oh, well that was annoying.- Really?
0:02:30 > 0:02:35- Why?- Well, he just stood there, pressuring me into ordering quickly.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Couldn't just go off and come back.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- I mean, I don't even like risotto. - Excuse me!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Oh, no, I don't want to cause a fuss.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- It's no fuss.- Madam?- Yeah, we'd like to change his order.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I'm afraid I've already put the order through.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yeah, but like two seconds ago.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Yes, but... - I don't fucking believe this!
0:02:51 > 0:02:55First you pressure him into ordering something he doesn't even want...
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- He didn't. - And then you can't do a simple thing like change the fucking order!
0:02:59 > 0:03:03OK, madam. OK. I'll see to it the order gets changed.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05What would you like instead, sir?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Er...- Don?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- Tiramisu?- For your main course?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Yes?- Yes!
0:03:14 > 0:03:18OK. Whatever you want sir, yeah?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22There you go, you see? No fuss.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26I hate tiramisu.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- Especially for mains.- Excuse me!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30No, no, no!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Cock a doodle-do, Don. - Where's my breakfast?
0:03:39 > 0:03:44Well, it's midday, I assumed you didn't want any...
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Never mind. I'll make my own breakfast.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52You're getting slack, Eddie Singh.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Slack.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Ice cream for breakfast?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02No. Brunch, actually. Brunch.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Breakfast and lunch, brunch.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11I wonder why they never invented one for late lunch-early dinner?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Dunch!
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Would you like to go for dunch with me tonight?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Yeah, all right. What time?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I'm not talking to you, Gollum.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Jesus! I was just test driving my new word, dunch.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26How was your date last night Don?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Yeah, it was interesting, yeah. I like her, she's cute.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31But I think she might have issues.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Of course she does, she's dating you.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Yeah? Come on!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Oi! Take that back.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Take back that high five!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Go on!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49That's it there, yeah, yeah.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- Thank you. Jeesh!- Sorry, Don.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56MOBILE BEEPS
0:04:56 > 0:04:59It's Jenny.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01She wants to know if I want to go out again.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05You should've seen her last night, she got really angry with the waiter.
0:05:05 > 0:05:10- She was probably having a bad day. Stuff that she hadn't told you about.- No it wasn't just the meal.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11there were other incidents.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Well, be a gentleman and open the door, Don!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Jesus Christ!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Getting a good look, are you?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Can't you see I'm with someone?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Prick!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Stupid phone! Come on!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Predictive text is so annoying!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Oh, for fuck's sake!- What?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Oh, nothing, it's just something I remembered.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Maybe she's premenstrual?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- What? You think she's a minstrel? - Ouch, ouch.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10What's wrong, Eddie?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Oh, Don's bought these new leather shoes.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I'm just wearing them in for him.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Seriously Eddie, whatever he is paying you, it's not enough.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- What?- Well, Don doesn't pay me!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27No, no, I work for Dorothy.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I just do things for Don from time to time, because we're friends.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32And, well, I enjoy it. Right, Don?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34That's right, Eddie.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Now finish the ironing cos I want you to run me a bath.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Abso-lulu!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Are you telling me that he comes over here every day
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- and does a load of stuff for you, absolutely free of charge?- Yeah!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Wait a minute, I thought you knew.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Eddie, you know you don't have to do that, right?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Hey! What do you think you're playing at, sister? - You can't treat him like that?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Treat him like what? He loves it. He's like a dog.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Well, a dog that does house work.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Imagine that, like a dog doing the dishes.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Eddie...
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Friends do not treat each other like slaves.- Uh-huh. Yeah.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14He doesn't appreciate any of this.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Yes, he does. Don't you, Don?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Eddie. Bath. Now.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Don?- What?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Well, you appreciate what I do for you, don't you?
0:07:24 > 0:07:29I don't appreciate you standing here instead of running me a warm, lovely, soapy, bubbly bath.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34What are you doing?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Eddie!- You can wear them in yourself.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40But we're friends, remember?
0:07:40 > 0:07:44No, Don. Friends appreciate it when you cook for them.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49And bake, and clean, and iron and wash up and do carpentry...
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- But Eddie...- And cut your hair, massage your prostate,
0:07:52 > 0:07:57and clip your toenails, and check your testicles for lumps...
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Oh, you wait, soon you'll realise just how much you rely on him.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Me? No. I'll be fine.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06You on the other hand, are nothing without that man.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Er, I can cope without him, you know!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Does anyone know how to run a bath?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21I decided to go on another date with Jenny. It was nice.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23She was far more relaxed and fun.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Well, until this. Do you wanna go to my local?- Sure.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- Excuse me? Do you know if there's a taxi rank around here? - Yeah, it's over there.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- Cheers.- Thanks.- Ow!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- What was that about?- What? - Flirting with those sluts.- I wasn't!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I will not stand for that, Don.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43All right! My nipple, please! Ow!
0:08:45 > 0:08:50I was starting to get scared. I mean, the slightest thing made her angry.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I took her to my local. Brian and Sam were there.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was actually really pleased to see them.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Guys, guys! So nice to see you.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Really?- Yeah, you don't mind if we join you, do you?- A little bit.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Great, great, great. Jenny.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10This is Brian and Sam. They're not father and daughter, by the way.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12They're having sex. Not now... I hope.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Hi Jenny, nice to meet you.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- You too. Er, Don?- What?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- What are you doing?- Nothing.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You're so funny. Um, do you want a beer?
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Yes.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27So what d'you think of Jenny?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Yeah, she seems nice. - I know, totally nuts, isn't she?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Er, she seemed normal to me. What?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Come on Bri, you teach psychology!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Surely you can see she's half price?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Look, look!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- What now?- Just look!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45What are we supposed to be looking at?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Brian. Samantha.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Does the university know about this cosy little get-together?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Derek.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Honestly Samantha, what do you see in him exactly?
0:09:56 > 0:10:00If it's knowledge that attracts you, why not swing by my classroom sometime?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- I'd love to give you a detention! - Er, no, thanks.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10Anyway Brian, will we be seeing you at the next interrogation ecrite de pub?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Oh, you can count on it, Derek.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Excellent. I look forward to crushing you. As always.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17I think you'll find we're evens.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19It's seven-six to moi.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Seven-seven.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- Seven-six.- Seven-seven.
0:10:24 > 0:10:30- Seven-six!- OK, whatever. Seven-six.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34If you ever get bored of his tiresome psychology lessons,
0:10:34 > 0:10:39then just swing on past the biology block. Biology.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Who the hell was that?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Derek Frown.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48He's a teacher at university.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- Why's he got such a problem with us seeing each other?- He's an idiot.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54He's always had a problem with me. We fight it out every week.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Wow! What, like bare-knuckle punching in the face, and stuff?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00No. In the pub quiz.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Oh. Slightly disappointing. - It's become something of a ritual.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Actually, can I join you? I'd love to stick one on him!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Of course you can. Hey Don, do you wanna join the team?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Erm, we need people who know things.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Hey! I know things.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Yeah. If there's a round on the films of Kevin Costner,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- we'll be sure to text you. - I know other things.- Like?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21The films of Michael Douglas?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Hey, it's good to have someone on the team
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- who's great with popular culture. - See? Don't listen to her, Bri.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28She thinks I'm thick.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32No. I just don't think you're an intellectual person, that's all.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35How could you be so 'eveal' and 'spitefuel'?
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Come on, then. When was the last time you read a book, and what was it?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Er... Wind in the Willows.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Have you read a book in the last 20 years?
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I just said Wind in the Willows, yeah? I read it last week.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Well, I say "I" read it.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Eddie read it for me, aloud.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55"Then you don't promise," said Badger,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58"never to touch a motor car again."
0:11:58 > 0:12:01"Certainly not," replied Toad emphatically.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06"On the contrary, I promise the very first motor car I see, poop, poop!
0:12:06 > 0:12:10"Off I go in it". "Told you so, didn't I?"...
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Seriously Eddie - not now, yeah?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Sorry.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Owwww!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Right, carry on.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27"Very well then," said Badger firmly, rising to his feet.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Ah, that silly green toad.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Dressing up as a washerwoman!
0:12:32 > 0:12:35You should try reading this.
0:12:35 > 0:12:42I would love to, Bri. Only thanks to Sam and her evilness, I don't have Eddie to read me things any more.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Well, you could try reading it yourself? - Reading it myself, you say?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48That might just work!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51It's the Dalai Lama's autobiography. It's a good little toilet read.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Wow, thanks(!)- There you go. Not the face!
0:12:58 > 0:13:02It was so frustrating - no-one else seemed to notice how mad Jenny was.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Make me a coffee?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Yeah, good one.- Coffee!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Yes, my sweet princess.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Eddie? I need you to make...
0:13:18 > 0:13:20me a coffee.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25'I didn't need Eddie. I'm a grown man.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28'I can make a hot drink.'
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Right. What goes in coffee again?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Yes. Coffee.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36And?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Hot water!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40What's taking so long?!
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Hurry up kettle, come on.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I was starting to get cross.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53No need. Look, I even made you some muffins!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Aw, thanks Don, that's so sweet.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Well...
0:13:57 > 0:13:59CRUNCH!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03What was that?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Did you...leave your watch on the floor?
0:14:12 > 0:14:17- Morning, Boss. - And what's your excuse this time?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20My girlfriend beat me up.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24I don't believe this. You've come out with some corkers before, but that's priceless!
0:14:24 > 0:14:28I'm not making this up. She's mental in the face.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30I'm so scared!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Hold me! I'm so cold.- Right.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38You expect me to believe you're being harassed by a psychotic woman?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41It can happen! You've seen Fatal Attraction, right?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- No.- Disclosure?- No.- Basic Instinct?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Everyone saw that, just to get a glimpse of Stone's ning-ning.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- What's your point, Don? - Er, that Michael Douglas has made some bloody good films?
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Oh, come on, you've seen Romancing the Stone? That's a gem!
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Ha, gem!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Get it? Stone. Gem!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Come on, who's with me?
0:15:02 > 0:15:05CRUNCHING
0:15:06 > 0:15:09So how'd you get on with that book I lent you, Don?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11It was annoying, Bri.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14It was all a bit "me, me, me", to be honest.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15It's an autobiography.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19You are swotting up, though, aren't you? We do want to win this quiz.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21It's all in there, blondie.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Ah, well, you don't mind if I test you, then?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Shoot.- OK. Er...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31who built The Eiffel Tower?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34What, it was one bloke? Jesus, he must've been knackered!
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- Well, you did say "built".- OK.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41What's The Queen's first name?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43"The"?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Oh, God. We are screwed.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47It's Elizabeth, you moron!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Of course it is, yes!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Yes, Elizabeth Queen.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53DOOR CLOSES
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Eddie! You're back!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I knew you wouldn't leave me.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Eddie?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I'm only here to check in on Dorothy. I shan't be staying long.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Now, I've brought your week's supply of Valium, Dot.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14But you're going to have to promise me that you're not going to down them all with gin again.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I can't promise a thing.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Eddie...!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Eddie, I miss you.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I need you!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I want you back in my life.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Not until I know that you appreciate what I do around here.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Of course I appreciate it. Just look at the place! Look!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Mmm, cleaning!
0:16:39 > 0:16:43You see? And upstairs is even worse!
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Are you telling me you wouldn't love to get on your knees and scrub that?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Mmmm mmm.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Must...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Resist... Temptation.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Let's check out my room.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Holy macaroni!
0:17:08 > 0:17:11You see? The place is falling apart!
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Don? Has someone hurt you?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15No, I must restrain myself.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20It was Jenny. I told you, she's nuts in the mind! But no-one will believe me.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Why don't you just end it?- Don't you think I've already thought of that?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26She would roundhouse me in the prick if I tried breaking up with her.
0:17:26 > 0:17:32- It's just a shame she doesn't want to end it with you, then. - Bon Jovi, Eddie! You're a genius!
0:17:34 > 0:17:39'Eddie was spot on. I just had to make her to dump me. Simple, right?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41'But I had to do it in a public place.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44'Somewhere where she wouldn't be able to go crazy.'
0:17:44 > 0:17:46So why are we in a library, Don?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Oh, I want Brian and Sam to see I like reading.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Are you gonna read all those books?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52God, no! Just carry them round.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Make them think I like reading.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56'Of course I wasn't there for the books.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00'I took her there because it's the perfect place to dump a nutter.' Jenny.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02I've got something to tell you.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Something that might make you not wanna be with me any more.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10- What do you mean?- Remember we're in a library and there are rules.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12So when I tell you, respect those library rules, yeah?
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- Don, what are you going on about? - 'I made up a brilliant lie.'
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- I slept with another woman.- WHAT?!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Ssshh. We're in a library, remember?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22You put your prick in a slut?
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- Well, I'm not sure she was a slut per se, but yes. Ow!- Shhh!- Sorry.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- I don't believe what I'm hearing! - Ow! Jesus!- Shhh!- Sorry!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33This must mean you wanna break up with me, yeah?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Break up with you? (You're so fucking childish!)
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Ow!- Ssshh!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I'm not gonna throw the towel in because of some stupid mistake!
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Wow, that's very understanding of you.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Yeah, well I'm a very understanding person!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Ow!- Sssh!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Oh, fuck off!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52But that doesn't mean I'm not angry with you, Don.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56In fact, I'm fucking furious!
0:18:56 > 0:18:57- Hands.- What?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Hands.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Ahh!
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Right. Maybe that'll teach you not to put your penis inside another woman's vagine.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13It has. I promise you it has.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Right, do you still wanna get some lunch? Wagamama's, or...?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Yeah...- OK.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25God, I hate books. I hate you all.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28'Tonight's the all-important pub quiz.
0:19:28 > 0:19:34'Personally, I thought Sam and Brian were taking this silly little game way too seriously.'
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Eddie?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I'm not late, am I, Brian?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Course not. Hasn't even started yet.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Why didn't you tell me you live with a genius?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46What do you mean?
0:19:50 > 0:19:55- Oh. What's this like? - Yeah, pretty good. You can borrow...
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- ..it if you like. - Wow, great twist at the end.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Thanks.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Are you sure you wouldn't rather be on the winner's table, my sweet?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I am on the winner's table.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22I wouldn't get so cocky, Derek. You might live to regret it.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Ooh, would you like to make the quiz a little bit more interesting?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- Is that possible?- I suggest the winner goes home with the princess?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30You're not coming home with me.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I'm referring to Samantha.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33God, I feel sick.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36And how do I benefit from that?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37I go home with her anyway.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Er, Brian?- Yeah, me too.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- What?- Er... you know?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44In a platonic flat-sharing capacity.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45No, Derek. We do not accept.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Now run along to your little hobbits. And hey!
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Maybe we'll buy you a commiserative drink when we've whipped your arses.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54HE LAUGHS
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I'll destroy you all.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Oh, God! I want to win this more than ever.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Yeah, me too. I hate losing.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- That's the spirit! - OK, ladies and gents.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Let the quiz commence. Round one. General knowledge. First question.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13'And so we all got stuck in. Pulled together and really worked as a team.'
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- Henry VIII. - 1066.- Eva Braun.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Dunno.- It's Copenhagen. Definitely.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Easy - Friedrich Nietzsche.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Oh, oh, oh. Brokeback Mountain.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- I've seen it seven times.- Dunno.
0:21:30 > 0:21:36RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck,
0:21:36 > 0:21:41U-God, Masta Killa and the late, great Ol' Dirty Bastard.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- Little Red Riding Hood. - It's Spanish for "How are you?"
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I know!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I'll get a round of drinks, yeah?
0:21:51 > 0:21:56Right then, ladies and gents. The final live round between our two top teams. The Biology Busters...
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Hooray!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Versus Team Analysis.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Right, they're only one point ahead.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03We need to win this round!
0:22:03 > 0:22:09Select a member from your team to answer one of these specialist subjects. Team Analysis go first.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11My subjects are...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Pop music from the 1950s.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Damn, that's not my field. - What you talking about?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- You grew up in the '50s, didn't you? - Or the films of Kevin Costner.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Yes, yes! Don, this is yours. Go on! - Which would you like to answer?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25We'll have the films of Kevin Costner, please.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29And we nominate Don. Right matey, it's all yours. Don't let us down. Hey?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Or else!- 'But then it struck me.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36'This was my chance to prove to everyone what a mentalist Jenny is.'
0:22:36 > 0:22:43Question one. In which film does Costner star as baseball legend Crash Davies?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45'I'm so sorry, Kevin Costner.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47'Don't think I don't love you.'
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Dances With Wolves.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Dances With Wolves? Isn't that the one where he joins an Indian tribe?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Yeah. And then teaches them to play baseball.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57The answer is Bull Durham.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- Ow! Did you see that?- Question two.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06In 1991 Costner played the part of Jim Garrison,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09a District Attorney trying to prove JFK's killing was a conspiracy.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12What was the name of that film?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.- What?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- The answer is JFK.- Oh, god!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Ow! You must have seen that?!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Question three.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27In the film The Bodyguard, who plays the singing diva Costner is assigned to protect?
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Easy. Boy George.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- That's it then. We've lost. - The answer's Whitney Houston.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- Ow! Are you all blind? - Are you deliberately giving wrong answers, Don?
0:23:43 > 0:23:49- Yes!- What? Why? Because I want you all to see what a freakoid that is!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Ow! See?- Well, you did just call her a freakoid.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Hang on. Is there something going on between you two?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- No!- Is she the slut you slept with?
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- She's not a slut!- You little prick!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I've had enough of this!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Help me, someone!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23# When a man loves a woman
0:24:24 > 0:24:26# Can't keep his mind on nothin' else... #
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Does this mean it's over between us?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Oh, Jesus!
0:24:48 > 0:24:49Oh, shit!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Are you all right, Don?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- As if you care.- I do.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I'll dress these wounds. I promise.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06- I thought you were on strike? - Not any more. I'll prove it!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- Eddie.- Yeah?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I can't believe you did that for me!
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I'm sorry we doubted you. She really was insane in the mind, wasn't she?
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Yeah, sorry Don.- That's all right.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Oh, and I'm sorry I ruined your pub quiz, Brian.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43That's all right, Don. We'll beat Derek next time.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Eddie. I'll never take you for granted again. I promise.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I know you won't, Don.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- Now once you've finished massaging my feet, will you make me a cheesy quiche?- Oh, surely!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55And then run me a bath?
0:25:55 > 0:26:00And whilst I'm in the bath, I have a pair of underpants that are too small for me, so could you to wear them in?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03And after the bath, could you tuck me into bed?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Abso-lulu! Ooh, would you like me to read you a bedtime story?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Get that thing away from me!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:26:29 > 0:26:31E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk