0:00:02 > 0:00:04I went out shopping with Sam today.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07We were having a nice time, but then she mentioned her boyfriend.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Oh, I told Brian that I'd throw him a party at the house.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- Why?- Because it's his birthday.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14No, why did you tell him that?
0:00:14 > 0:00:17- Should have asked me first. - But you love parties.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Other people's parties, when you can trash their house and leave.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Oh, come on, it's a party, it'll be fun.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24OK. I give you permission.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Good. Because I've already invited loads of people.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Is this queue even moving?
0:00:30 > 0:00:34I'm going to that vintage shop, shall I meet you at the cafe in an hour?
0:00:34 > 0:00:35An hour and five.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41'Queuing is definitely one of my least favourite things to do.'
0:00:41 > 0:00:44This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47I've got a bomb!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49SCREAMING
0:00:53 > 0:00:54And sleep.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04# Do-do-do Come on and do the conga!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06# Do-do-do... #
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Come on, move it, move it!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I've got a boner.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Next.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Sorry.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- Are you paying by cash or credit card?- Credit card.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'm sorry, the machine's broken.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27I'm afraid you'll have to use the next till. Sorry.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I've got a bomb!
0:01:57 > 0:02:01I was on my way to meet Sam when I bumped into Brian. Jesus!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I mean, literally bumped into him.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Bri, sorry.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Oh, heya, Don.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Can someone call an ambulance? An elderly's taken a tumble.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I'm all right, honestly.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Ooh, what's this, then?- No, don't...
0:02:16 > 0:02:21- Wow.- It's disgusting. They should never have made it legal for queers to marry.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Get up, will you? I've got a rep in this town.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29You won't say anything about this to Sam, will you? It's meant to be a surprise.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- You're going to propose to her? - Yes, I'm going to pop the question at my birthday party.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36She'll never suspect it then.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Ooh, you better hide that quickly.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Please, Don, promise you won't say anything.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Hey, you two.- Hey, sweet pea.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Hey, Sammy.- OK, what's going on?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Nothing. We're just...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Shooting the breeze, hey, Don?
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Yeah.- No, you're both behaving differently.- No, we're not.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Brian, you're old.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Ah, Don, but what's old age when you consider the alternatives?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03See? Just being our classics selves.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Hmm.
0:03:05 > 0:03:11'It's weird. Finding out about Brian proposing to Sam made me realise I still had feelings for her.'
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Me.- You all right?
0:03:14 > 0:03:19'I decided to subtly sound her out, see if I still had a chance with her.'
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- So... Happy with how things are with you and Bri?- Why?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Do you ever think about us?
0:03:28 > 0:03:29What?
0:03:29 > 0:03:35Us. You know, how we almost got it on once. What might have happened?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Don, we've been down this road before. It would never have worked.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41You have too many issues.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46- Excuse me, madam, but I don't have any issues.- I could name a dozen.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- You think you could name ten? Well, fine, be my guest, shoot.- OK.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52One, you're afraid of commitment.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Could we do this alphabetically, it won't seem like there's as many.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Two, you have no attention span.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Fine, stick with numbers. - Three, you're self-obsessed.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Wow, you're really ploughing through these.- Four, you're vain.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07- No, I'm not.- Five, you have slightly crooked teeth.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Ow. You evil bitch.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- See. Six... - Six? Sorry, you're already at six?
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- You don't listen to other people. Seven.- Whoa, shush, shush now.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20These aren't issues, they're just charming foobles.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Eight, you use words that you don't understand. It's foibles, you dick.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27OK, answer me this.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29What's so special about Brian?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Nine, when you're in a corner like this, you turn it back on me.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I'm genuinely fascinated.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36What's so great about him?
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Well, he's smart and reliable.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- You sound like you're describing a car.- And funny.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Some cars are funny.- And I love him.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Do you?
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Yeah.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Hmm.- Anyway, why are you bringing all this up?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- What's all this about?- No reason.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01It doesn't matter.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04By the way, you didn't get to ten.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07When I think of it, I'll be sure to tell you, believe me.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I guess I never took their relationship seriously.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I thought they would've split up by now.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I chase Abby for years and get nowhere.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Now I've blown it with Sam.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I mean, anyone would think I'm rubbish with chicks.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I'll pretend I didn't see that.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Well, maybe you need to change your approach.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- What?- I'm just saying, "chicks"
0:05:32 > 0:05:35is a derogatory term. Women might think you're sexist.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39That's ridiculous. I've got nothing against sex, I love it.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Have you considered seeing a therapist?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Whoa, there, babyface, I'm not insane.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- You don't have to be insane to be in therapy.- But it helps!
0:05:49 > 0:05:54Speaking to someone who has an objective view can be really useful. I do it all the time.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Really?- Absolulu.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Mrs Treacher always says, "Life is like a box of chocolates.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"You start with a tasty full pack and then slowly all the good stuff goes
0:06:03 > 0:06:07"until you're left with the crap that no-one else wants."
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I don't know what's wrong with her, she so pessimistic.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14It's great. I always feel loads lighter afterwards.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Hmm. Therapy, eh?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20At least work's been fun recently.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23A new exhibition just opened. That's not oil on canvas.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26That's in fact ketchup on canvas.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30He uses food in everything he does. Mmm.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- What did you say the artist's name was?- His name is Richard Sumwun.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Oh, this is a joke, you should at least know his name.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Yeah, I just said, Richard Sumwun. Look.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44So rude.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47This is a fascinating piece by Sumwun.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It's made entirely of confectionery.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Should you be eating his work?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Probably not, no.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00It's nice.
0:07:00 > 0:07:05Now, I would show you the chocolate badger - that's not a euphemism by the way...
0:07:07 > 0:07:08OK.
0:07:08 > 0:07:15But, unfortunately, it was stolen earlier, so no can do.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19You lot, take a little wander, I'll be back to get you in a second.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Hey, what are you doing here?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Come for a swim. What do you think we're doing here, you idiot?
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- So, this is all Sumwun's work. - Yes, his name's Richard Sumwun.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I just said that. He's an old friend of mine.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Really, you're friends with Sumwun?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- Yes, I've got friends, Don. - But you're friends with Sumwun?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41If you don't mind, we might just look around ourselves.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Why have you left your group?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48All right, Jase, jeez.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50What is it, time of the month?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Somebody keeps eating all of Sumwun's work and it's doing my head in.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56And they've taken the chocolate badger.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Yeah. I caught a kid licking his sweet cock earlier.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Just keep your eyes peeled, OK?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Hey, I'm on it.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Pssst!
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Hello, matey.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Can we have a word?- Shoot.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Um... Don't know how to say this.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Look, you work in psychology and shit, right?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Just psychology.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Ha, very funny. But seriously.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41You know therapists, yeah?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- You want to see a therapist?- Ssshh!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45No, no, not for me.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48No, it's for...him.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50He's nuts in the mind.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53So you want me to recommend someone to you, for him?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55That's it, yeah.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I know just the person for HIS kind of issues.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59How do you know what his issues are?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, never knew his parents.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Yeah, that's it!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Shit, you're good at this. - His name's Craig Pearson.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10He will be perfect for you, Don.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14You won't tell anyone about this, will you?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18You're holding one hell of a secret for me, it's the least I can do.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24'And so I made an appointment to see this shrink, Craig Pearson.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26'Don't tell anyone, yeah?'
0:09:26 > 0:09:29It really would help if I could see your eyes.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38You don't trust this process, do you?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39What makes you say that?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- Well, for a start, you gave a false name to my receptionist. - No, I didn't.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45So your name's Rajesh, is it?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Yeah! 'Damn, this guy was good.'
0:09:48 > 0:09:52You know, there's this thing we call doctor-patient confidentiality.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56So, whatever happens in this room stays in this room.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Right.
0:09:57 > 0:10:06Well, what if I was sat here with my eyes closed and you tried kissing my penis?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Could I tell on you, or does that stay in this room, too?
0:10:09 > 0:10:15No, you would be able to tell on me, because that would be improper.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- Are you worried that I'm going to kiss your penis?- No.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Do you want to kiss my penis?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24No.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Why did you come here, Rajesh?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- I'm not nuts in the mind, if that's what you're asking. - That's not what I'm asking.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40OK, well...
0:10:40 > 0:10:45I've been having a bit of lady pain recently.
0:10:45 > 0:10:51I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something wrong in the love department.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I know, I know. Crazy!
0:10:54 > 0:11:00Tell me a bit about your upbringing, childhood, etc.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02OK, but I'm not like all the crazy people you see in here.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I'm not going to start flinging my bum rubbish at the walls.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11OK, well, I never knew my mother.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15She died during childbirth.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Hmm. And your father?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19He also died. During childbirth.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26So, you never knew your parents?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27SOBBING: No, I didn't!
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Ah, Jesus Christ! I never knew them.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Argh!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39ARGH!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Argh! Mummy!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Ah, Daddy!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Mmm, mmm, mmm!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Right, time's up.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53What?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I thought we had 50 minutes.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Been and gone, I'm afraid.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Wow! That was amazing.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I feel like I just ejaculated my feelings all over you.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Now I'm all warm and fuzzy.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- When can I come back? - Well, Rajesh, normally I suggest...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Tomorrow?- That you come back... - Tomorrow?- No, every...
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Day?- No, every...- Other? - No, Rajesh, no!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20I'm sorry.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Look, if you want to come tomorrow, that's fine.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27We'll see how that works. OK?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I love you.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Hey guys, Guess whose birthday it is today?
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Terry Nutkins'?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- Erm, no.- Happy birthday, Brian.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Thanks, Don.- So, did they send you your free bus pass?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53No, but I got a lovely letter from the Queen!
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Actually, Brian, I did get you a little something.- Aww!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Yeah.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01There you go. Towards a pint.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Oh, thanks.- He doesn't drink, Don.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Oh, yeah. Sorry.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Well, just download a song on iTunes from me.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Thanks, Don, that's very kind of you.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15We've got our costumes for the party.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Do you know what you're coming as? - You never said it was fancy dress.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- Ten - you hate fancy dress parties. - That doesn't count. Loads of people hate them.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25How could anyone hate fancy dress?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Hey you!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Yeah!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Look, I've got to say, Great mask.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38I mean, it's really convincing.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42This isn't a mask?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Hey, Eddie, keep Nigel busy. I'm going to flirt with his girlfriend.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- She's been giving the eyes all night.- There you go, Don.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53And one for you, Nigel.
0:13:53 > 0:13:59You're inconsiderate, ugly and I can't believe you have turned up in the same costume as me.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Oh.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Anyway, I never know who to go as.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- Don't be a killjoy. - Ooh, yeah, maybe I'll go as killjoy.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- Who?- Robert Killjoy-Silk.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- The orange TV presenter. - That's Kilroy, not killjoy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14And besides, you have to come with someone.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- The theme is famous movie double acts.- Or couples. - Come on, you.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- Let's dump this. - I hate fancy dress, too.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26What are you complaining about?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30You don't even need a costume, and you can go as loads of people.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Gollum, Dobby, Ronnie Corbett, Alf, ET.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36It's couples, remember.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Oh, yeah.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Jimmy Krankie?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45In order to move forward, I need you to be open with me.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Are you prepared to do that?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Yes.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- Yes, I am.- Good.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53So. What's your actual name?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Rajesh Patel.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Yes, but your real name is?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Rajesh Patel?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01OK.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04You came here before.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07You said you were having some lady pain.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- What is it? - Can I go to the toilet, please?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Of course. You don't need to put your hand up.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Put everything on hold, yeah?- This is your own time you're eating up.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- I have an appointment straight after. - I'm paying a fortune for this.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Don't want to eat up 20 minutes.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32The difference between Sam and Abby is, I actually got to know Sam.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35She wasn't just a fantasy, like Abby was.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37We had a proper connection.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42I've never had a proper connection with a girl before.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I know that it sounds gay, but that kiss with Sam was the best kiss I've ever had.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Except for my first kiss, obviously.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52That was something else. I was 12.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53She was 42.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Mrs Prendergast was her name.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57She taught me geography.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Well, not for long. She was fired for statutory rape.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04SPLASH IN TOILET
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Are you still there?- Yes.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10This is actually very therapeutic.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15You know, when I was 13, I could suck my own prick.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Don't know how.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Probably something to do with the way my body was growing.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22You often talk about your penis.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- Are you aware of that?- Yeah, well.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29We've spent a lot of time together. Haven't we?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Don?
0:16:40 > 0:16:46- We're closing up.- Um, I'm just checking everything's done.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Well, everything's done all right. Sumwun's pulling this exhibition.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52People keep eating his work.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54But I put... Somebody put the chocolate badger back.
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Yeah, well, who ever it was bit its face off, munched on its groin.
0:16:59 > 0:17:06- Why are you still here? - Brian's going to propose to Sam tonight. In my house.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10She's probably going to make a terrible mistake by saying yes.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I don't want to be there to witness it.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Right. See you Monday.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Yeah, see you later.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Can't believe I'm doing this. Don! - What?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29You like this girl, right?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Yeah. But it's too late. I've already blown it.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Not if he hasn't proposed yet. Why don't you go over and tell her how you feel?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- I can't.- Why?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Cos it's a fancy dress party and I haven't got a costume.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- I'm sure you can chuck something together.- Yeah, but...
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- What would we go as? - Woah! What do you mean "we"?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Well, the theme's double-acts.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- No way. - Come on, we'd be great together.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57We could go as Lethal Weapon.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Just cos I'm black and you're white?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- No, because I'm a maverick and you're boring.- Do you want my help?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Sorry.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Come on, please. I really like her.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Please.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- OK.- Yes!- I'll come with you.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Excellent. So, Lethal Weapon, yeah?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It's just a bit predictable.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Not necessarily...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Wow! Look at you guys!
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Sorry, who are you meant to be? - We're Riggs and Murtough
0:18:27 > 0:18:29from Lethal Weapon.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Oh yeah! But you're Danny Glover so you must be...?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Regretting this?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Can I offer you a drink, Master Glover?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- C3PO at your service.- It's great!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I've never noticed it before, but you are actually a gay robot.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45It's amazing! Treacher must be with you, right?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Yes, she looks wonderful. Here she is.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- All right.- Shouldn't you be R2D2?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Yeah! Why are you dressed as Yoda?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I thought you'd like it, you always saying I look like her.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- Her? Have either of you even seen Star Wars?- Oh, fuck off.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03I'd better go and mingle.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I need to get the drinks.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Brian seems like a nice guy.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Don't say that! I'm about to try and break them up and confess my feelings to his girlfriend.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- Where is she?- I don't know.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Ah, there she is.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Wow! I see why you're so keen now.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Oi! Hands off, Riggs. She's mine.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26No, she's not. She's Brian's.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28All right, wise guy.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- You're a teacher as well, then?- No. - Are you not?- No.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- Hey!- Hi!
0:19:37 > 0:19:42- Right...- Er... It's me.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43- Don!- Yeah.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Well, Danny Glover, actually.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Oh, my God, you look amazing!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50No, you look amazing!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Don't! Don, this is Craig.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55So it's Don, not Rajesh then?
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- Craig?- Rajesh? - How are you, Don?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Do you two know each other?- No!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Yeah, but not really...
0:20:04 > 0:20:07OK. Weirdo.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10I'm going to get another drink. I'll catch up with you later, Don.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13What's he doing here?
0:20:13 > 0:20:16He's a friend of Brian's. What's your problem?
0:20:16 > 0:20:22No problem, no, it just...annoys me that he came as Avatar.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Not that again!
0:20:24 > 0:20:29Don, I told you at the time, I don't care if you think it's a rip-off of Dances With Wolves.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33It was a rip-off.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37'I couldn't believe my therapist was here.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39'I had to make sure he wasn't going to tell Brian about me.
0:20:39 > 0:20:45'He knew all about my feelings for Sam.' What are you doing here?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I was invited here by Samantha.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Oh, sorry, I thought you were...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54You know someone else has come as that?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Oh! You thought I was Craig?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00How funny! No, he's my partner.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02We're the Na'vi couple.
0:21:02 > 0:21:08- Right.- We had a tiny row before we left about who would be Neytiri.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- Whatever. - You know, the female Na'vi?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Here he is, Donny Glover.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Why did you invite Craig Pearson?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I didn't, Sam did. What's the problem?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22This is very weird for me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24- He's my...therapist.- I know.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I'm the one who suggested him.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30He knows stuff about me. Stuff I don't want people knowing.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33He's a professional, he's not going to say anything.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37I'm thinking of popping the question to Sam in a minute. What do you think?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Er... No, no, no.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Give it half an hour.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45But she's starting to get drunk. Better to do it before...
0:21:45 > 0:21:48You know how she...gets.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- Have you spoken to her yet? - Back off all right, I've got a lot on my plate!
0:21:53 > 0:21:57I was only asking! I'm here doing you a favour, remember!
0:21:57 > 0:22:01We are so like Lethal Weapon - it's brilliant.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- Hey.- Hello! One second...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Yeah but I've...- Yeah, I'll be back in a minute.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Why are you here?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- Sam said I could help myself to a drink.- It's you again.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Do you want me to put it back?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Sam, can I have a quick word?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25MUSIC STARTS
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Oh! I love this one!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Want one?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Nice little sharpener. - Holy batty sleeves.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49That's something I never thought I'd see.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Have you seen a Na'vi round here?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55He's in there.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Why did you come here? - Because I needed to poop.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03God, it's always you!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Have I done something to upset you?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Wow. How did you do that? That's like transportation.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- Are you OK, Don?- Craig?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Yes.- I thought you were Alan.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- So you've met my husband then?- Yeah. You never told me you were gay.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Does that matter?- No, of course not.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- You haven't spoken to Brian about me, have you?- What do you mean?
0:23:24 > 0:23:30The stuff we talk about in our sessions, sucking my own penis, scared of women taller than me.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35Oh, and the Sam that I mentioned in therapy isn't the same Sam that Brian's seeing.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Don, I take the confidentiality rule very seriously.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Yeah, but what if you get drunk?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- Come on, Craig. We're going.- Why?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46He doesn't want me here.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47What? Don't be silly!
0:23:47 > 0:23:52- Why do you keep asking why I'm here? Why do you keep following me and being rude?- Oh, come on.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Don't throw another hissy fit.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Another hissy fit?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59How would you like it if your partner suggested you should be
0:23:59 > 0:24:04the female because, and I quote, your body is more feminine than mine?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07I'm just going to go this way.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10You have curvier hips, that's all.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12It's not a bad thing.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14You're saying I'm fat. I know it.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I am well in there with those two although I'm a bit worried
0:24:22 > 0:24:25they only like me because they think I'm white.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I'm sure that's not true. They'll be fine when you tell them you're black.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Don, I was joking.- Oh.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Maybe I should just leave it.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- So all of this was for nothing? - What if she doesn't feel the same?
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- Then it'll be really awkward living with her.- It doesn't matter.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47- She says yes to him, she won't be living here.- I knew it.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51He promised he wouldn't say anything but he just couldn't resist.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- Hey. We need to talk.- In a minute. - Please, it won't take long.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58What is it?
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Let's go outside.- Whatever you've got to say, just say it here.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I can't. It needs to be in private and it needs to be now.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11- Because?- Because Brian's about to propose to you...
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- Don! - Shit.- Is this a joke?
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- I thought we had a deal.- So did I, but you and Craig couldn't resist.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24- Resist what? - Can someone please tell me what's going on?- Talking shop!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Gossiping about me and my issues.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Is that why you suggested him to me?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30So you could both have a laugh?
0:25:30 > 0:25:35- I thought you were meant to be a decent guy, Brian.- Are you finished?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37This is Alan, that's Craig.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43- Hi, Don.- What? No, no, no. I...I saw you both talking about me.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45You kept pointing at me.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I was telling him how you've been picking on me all night.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51He was worried you might be a homophobe.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I'm not! I'm not.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I even tried being gay once.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I let Sam's brother suck me off.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- What?- Nothing.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Tried being gay.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Alan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07You be as gay as you like.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12And Brian, I'm really sorry.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Come on, hey, wooh, let's get the party going! Come on.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19So, it's true?
0:26:19 > 0:26:20You were going to propose to me?
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Come on, let's talk outside.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30And by the way, Don. Ten - you are a total arse.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I think we should up our sessions to twice a week.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41I think we should down them to none a week, thank you very much.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Come on, be honest. Do I look like a prick now?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Of course you do - you're blacked up.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52No, because of what just happened.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Oh. Probably.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Sorry, I feel partly responsible.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Partly?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01- Don.- Thanks, Eddie.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Do you think he's still going to propose to her?
0:27:10 > 0:27:15# I can read the signs Stay right with it
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# When the road unwinds
0:27:19 > 0:27:20# I can handle whatever
0:27:21 > 0:27:24# I stumble upon
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# I don't even notice... #
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I'm too old for this shit.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# Most of the time
0:27:45 > 0:27:47# Most of the time
0:27:49 > 0:27:53# It's well understood most of the time
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# I wouldn't change it if I could... #