0:00:02 > 0:00:07All these people thirst for knowledge and they could get it from a device which demands
0:00:07 > 0:00:08the attention of millions -
0:00:08 > 0:00:12a machine capable of slinging images and sounds into every home.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16TV could teach you a new language, parade the entirety of history in front of your face,
0:00:16 > 0:00:18or just distract you with brightly-coloured bibble.
0:00:18 > 0:00:23We all want to fill our brains with information, yet only few of us know as much as we think we know.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25How much do you know?
0:00:25 > 0:00:28What, the whole thing? About 20%, 25%.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31OK, what did everyone in the world do yesterday?
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I don't know.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- You don't know any of that?- No.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40How many atoms are there in the floorboards you're standing on?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- Do you see what I'm getting at? - Yeah.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Maybe we never really learned anything from TV, but were simply transfixed by it,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48like apes dazzled by technology.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53This week, How TV Ruined Your Life, by trying to actually tell you stuff.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Don't say, it didn't. It did.
0:00:54 > 0:01:01This programme contains adult humour
0:01:05 > 0:01:07EXPECTANT INTRODUCTORY MUSIC
0:01:08 > 0:01:11'I'm going on a journey -
0:01:11 > 0:01:15'a journey to find out just how much I've learned from television.
0:01:15 > 0:01:20'It's a journey that will take me the length and breadth of part of the country,
0:01:20 > 0:01:21'over a period of time.'
0:01:23 > 0:01:26EXPECTANT INTRODUCTORY MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Sorry, I've just remembered. I don't know how to drive.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31What's that?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I can't drive. This isn't...
0:01:33 > 0:01:37This isn't my car. I'm not qualified to drive.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44'Along the way, I'll be overcoming obstacles and doing my best to appear thoughtful,
0:01:44 > 0:01:50'as though I'm coming to some sort of realisation about the visual language through which TV experts
0:01:50 > 0:01:54'impart their knowledge - and not just staring stupidly out of a window.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56'A thoughtful face might make me look like a documentary type,'
0:01:56 > 0:02:01like Andrew Marr, seen here stylishly walking around America,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04'in fascinating sequences, shot for a politics documentary.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09He walks around and stops and looks at things and thinks for a bit and then walks out of shot
0:02:09 > 0:02:12and then marches like a Terminator looking for a toilet,
0:02:12 > 0:02:16striding up stairs, gliding through sliding doors, getting reflected in glass.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19All the time, he looks rather profound,
0:02:19 > 0:02:20even when he's having a piss.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24'I hope I look that convincing, as I walk into this railway station.'
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Television is a bit like a busy railway terminus,
0:02:27 > 0:02:31filled with competing, bustling, streams of information,
0:02:31 > 0:02:35each capable of snaking out in different directions, much like branch lines.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39'It's not, really, but that gave me something vaguely philosophical to say'
0:02:39 > 0:02:42'over these pedestrian shots of me getting onto a train,'
0:02:42 > 0:02:45where I start my journey by looking intently at a newspaper,
0:02:45 > 0:02:50'because the world of TV knowledge basically started with the news.'
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Early news broadcasts were stern announcements from the authorities,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56consisting of little more than still photographs
0:02:56 > 0:03:00and explanatory diagrams, backed with a vocal summary.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03The BBC news wallahs believed moving pictures would distract
0:03:03 > 0:03:07the viewer and prevent them from absorbing the informational content.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13Gradually, TV news loosened up and began to realise the advantages it had over newsprint.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Unlike their medieval ink and paper counterparts,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18TV reporters could use the moving image to make
0:03:18 > 0:03:21otherwise mundane stories more interesting and immersive.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25This filthy smoke and chemical smog is again attacking the people
0:03:25 > 0:03:28for whom there's most danger, the people with chest and heart trouble.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32The translation of news into TV grew more sophisticated.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34The newsroom arrived and more interesting graphics
0:03:34 > 0:03:37and instead of a letters page, vox pops with the public.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Can I interrupt you a tick? Are your prices up a lot?- Yes, sir.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Our prices are up according to the transport and difficulties
0:03:43 > 0:03:46in getting it, and us pulling our guts out to fetch it to the public.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51And when major events occurred, the printing press was left standing by television,
0:03:51 > 0:03:55which could interrupt you in your own home to depress the arse off you.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Over to the newsroom. - The death of John F Kennedy happened in Dallas at 25 past 12.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05What's more, rather than reading wordy dispatches from overseas war reporters,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08TV viewers could follow the journalists into the action.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12They needn't even wait for the gunfire to stop before filing their reports.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- EXPLOSION - There's heavy artillery support for the Americans and...
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- EXPLOSION - ..because of this, they're not immediately likely to lose out here.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24TV news grew even more dynamic, as colour television arrived,
0:04:24 > 0:04:29making events seem increasingly vivid and dispiriting and brutal and all horrible, like -
0:04:29 > 0:04:31unless, like me, you enjoy a nice riot,
0:04:31 > 0:04:35with a lovely shepherd's pie and a glass of chocolate milk.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Riot police were extremely fierce, often vicious.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41He-he! It happened ages ago, it's funny!
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Faced with a medium that made current affairs more exciting,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48newspapers were forced to zhush up their own content,
0:04:48 > 0:04:50downplaying their comparatively dry news material
0:04:50 > 0:04:54and adding frothier piffle, which was proudly, and exhaustively,
0:04:54 > 0:04:56trumpeted in the gaudy adverts of the time.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Uncanny...
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Unbelievable...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01This man claims a Welsh housewife, under hypnosis,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05returned to six previous lives. Can this be so?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07The amazing evidence in tomorrow's Sunday Mirror.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Tommy Steele reveals the agony of staying at the top
0:05:10 > 0:05:12and girls...
0:05:12 > 0:05:15How to get your man. A dozen ways to look more sexy.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Plus, win this dream outfit, in the marvellous Sunday Mirror, tomorrow.
0:05:18 > 0:05:24But television wasn't content to simply provide a window on the world to show what was happening now.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29It had grander ambitions. It wanted to show you the whole of civilisation.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Landmark documentary serials, such as Civilisation
0:05:32 > 0:05:33and the epic, The Ascent Of Man
0:05:33 > 0:05:36turned your TV into a home-based lecture theatre,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39but a bit less boring than I've made that sound.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41The Ascent Of Man, in particular, was a huge achievement.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Filmed over three years, it whisked the viewer around the globe, in the company of erudite academic,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Jacob Bronowski, who explained the history of mankind's scientific advancement,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52using eloquent monologues, pioneering computer graphics
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and an intelligent use of imagery, to make education fun.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58As well as landmark documentaries about real events,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00there were landmark dramas based on real events.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05When TV turned history into drama, it cast Shakespearean actors and dressed them like tapestries.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Even though it was cheap and stagy, it was somehow convincing.
0:06:09 > 0:06:14I mean, that's barely a tree, that's not outdoors, but bloody hell, that might be Henry VIII.
0:06:14 > 0:06:20Television's mix of compelling fact and authentic drama was instructing viewers of all ages.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23The television started instructing me back when I was a kiddiewink.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28Occasionally, a TV would be wheeled into the classroom, a bit like a robot teacher.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32This was exciting because it didn't feel like school. It felt like a break.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Even if the programme you were watching was boring,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37it was better than being bored by a live human being.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41With their storybook visuals and focus on primary concept,
0:06:41 > 0:06:45schools programmes were an attempt to subtly plant fresh questions in kiddiewinks' minds.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Questions they'd never considered before.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52Hello. Have you ever thought how important numbers are?
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- No.- Have you ever noticed how interesting human faces are?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- No.- Have you tried looking at yourself in a kettle since last week?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Well, yeah, actually, I have.
0:07:01 > 0:07:07The trouble is, the presenters' methodical basic use of language is inherently creepy.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Yes...
0:07:09 > 0:07:11ter... day.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17It's a bit like you're coming around from a brain injury
0:07:17 > 0:07:21and they're a bunch of well-meaning nurses sent to rehabilitate you.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Hello. Did you comb your hair when you got up this morning?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I forgot, so I'm doing it now.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I'm not sure why, but whenever I watch them,
0:07:30 > 0:07:35I feel a bit like I'm a homicide detective and they're a suspect trying to act natural.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Hello. I didn't expect to see you.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43The shop's not open, I'm afraid. You can see what I'm doing, if you like.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Where were you on the night of the 6th?!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47If the presenters weren't creepy enough,
0:07:47 > 0:07:51their various puppety, animated co-stars were downright petrifying.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Let's go in.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Woo! Get out!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Whenever your TV turns into an instructive words and pictures
0:07:59 > 0:08:02light show, there's something faintly sinister.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05What with the haunting music and visuals and the faintly medicated
0:08:05 > 0:08:08air of some of the presenters, I think the only thing I learnt
0:08:08 > 0:08:11was to mistrust everyone and everything on television.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16Why don't you draw a picture of something that really frightens you?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Yeah, all right. What does a vagina look like?
0:08:19 > 0:08:20SCRIBBLING
0:08:20 > 0:08:24'But while schools programmes were unintentionally frightening,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27'it's worth reflecting, as I sit here, that television often deliberately used
0:08:27 > 0:08:31'fear-mongering means to train younger viewers to look after themselves.'
0:08:31 > 0:08:36In 1977, rural areas of the UK were treated to Apaches -
0:08:36 > 0:08:39very much the Citizen Kane of terrifying, educational films.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44This 50-minute summer holiday snuff-fest told the story of a gaggle of young dimbos,
0:08:44 > 0:08:50who repeatedly go to play on a local farm, despite the fact that one of them dies there every bloody day.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Like all good movies, Apaches had its own trailer, seen here squashing one of the cast.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Argh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:01A few years after Britain's rustic kids stared at carnage in horror,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03across the Pond, children were subjected
0:09:03 > 0:09:06to an even more terrifying and lurid kind of warning.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- This is my future?- It is if you don't get of those drugs.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue is the powerful story of a teenager
0:09:15 > 0:09:17dealing with drug and alcohol abuse.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Some of your favourite cartoon characters will help you understand
0:09:21 > 0:09:24how drugs and alcohol can ruin your life.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26BLEEP me, I want some heroin.
0:09:26 > 0:09:31This crude, alarmist TV propaganda was a bad trip for millions of American kids.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36Of course, we didn't get to see that on this side of the Pond, which is why we're all so well-adjusted,
0:09:36 > 0:09:38but we got moral instruction from other cartoons.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42For instance, almost every line of dialogue in the garish epic,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Thundercats, seem to be jammed with so much heavy-handed
0:09:44 > 0:09:48moral guidance, it's amazing there was room for the vowels and consonants.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53Rules are only meaningful if people agree to follow them.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Otherwise, they're just words.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Oh, go and edit The Guardian.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02But perhaps the most strident moral supervision was smuggled inside the animated epic He-Man,
0:10:02 > 0:10:06which was preachier here than nine priests glued to a schoolmaster,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10and which regularly culminated in a philosophical lecture from one of its stars.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15As we've just seen, Skeletor went back into the past to make evil things happen.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19In reality, no-one can go back into the past, that's only make-believe.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Don't patronise me, I'm not stupid,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24although I am 39 and bickering with He-Man.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26But we can try to learn from the past,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28from things that have happened to us.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I'd love to know what happened to make you dress like that. I'm guessing something with his uncle.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Of course, we fondly remember He-Man because we learned so much from it,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39just as we fondly remember the cartoon based on Terry Wogan's chat show from the '80s.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44Everyone remembers that, just ask the man in the street.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Do you remember the Wogan cartoon in the '80s?
0:10:47 > 0:10:52The Wogan cartoon... No, I don't, but I remember the cartoons from the '80s, in my day,
0:10:52 > 0:10:58was ThunderCats, Jayce And The Wheeled Warriors, Scooby-Doo Mysteries, er...
0:10:58 > 0:11:03But the Wogan thing was like an animated version of Terry Wogan's chat show.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06It was called Wo-Gan.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Oh, yeah, do you know what?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Thinking about it, yeah, I do actually remember that now, I think it was on CITV.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25In today's story, we heard the actress Lorraine Chase explain how
0:11:25 > 0:11:29people often judge her because of her cockney accent.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32They treat her as though she's simple,
0:11:32 > 0:11:34even though before becoming a model,
0:11:34 > 0:11:39she invented the communications satellite, the shoe tree
0:11:39 > 0:11:41and even the laser cow.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Lorraine is living proof that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53even a talking book with heavy mascara.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56What about one in a ten-gallon hat?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Even you, JR!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00HE LAUGHS
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Oh, yeah!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08HE LAUGHS DEMONICALLY
0:12:27 > 0:12:30But I suppose the Wo-Gan cartoon doesn't actually tell us much
0:12:30 > 0:12:36because it was in fact part of a fictional daydream I had while gazing out of this window.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41This line between fiction and fact on television used to be clearly marked until it began to leave
0:12:41 > 0:12:45such familiar territory behind to move into new, less concrete areas.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Viewers generally believed what they saw on screen, even though TV
0:12:49 > 0:12:55occasionally told entertaining fibs, such as the famous Panorama report on the Italian spaghetti harvest.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00But in 1977, Anglia TV when several leagues further with Alternative 3,
0:13:00 > 0:13:06a sophisticated hour-long hoax in the style of an existing documentary strand called Science Report.
0:13:06 > 0:13:12It made eerily convincing claims that a shadowy cabal of scientists and world governments were
0:13:12 > 0:13:16conspiring to build a habitable base on the surface of Mars, and it ended
0:13:16 > 0:13:21with what purported to be footage of a US-Soviet Martian landing in 1962,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25culminating in something creepy wriggling around beneath the Martian soil.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27My God, what is that?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Something moving!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33But the row that followed Alternative 3 was nothing
0:13:33 > 0:13:37compared to the stink left behind after the BBC's Ghostwatch.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Although scripted, Ghostwatch took the form of a live supernatural TV
0:13:40 > 0:13:46special fronted by several familiar, well-loved faces, Michael Parkinson, Mike Smith and Sarah Greene.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50But it also played host to a more sinister and unsettling presence.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Boo! I bet that scared you, didn't it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:56No, this is not a mask, this is Craig Charles live, you lucky people!
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Oh, and there was also a ghost, an evil spirit known as Mr Pipes, who, it was alleged, was causing
0:14:00 > 0:14:03simply dreadful goings-on in a north London home.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07At the time, viewers weren't accustomed to this kind of verite horror, and as all hell quite
0:14:07 > 0:14:12literally broke loose on location, and things grew increasingly horrible in the studio,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15the repeated fleeting appearances of Mr Pipes, seen here in the bedroom,
0:14:15 > 0:14:21here reflected in the glass and here on CCTV, left many viewers genuinely terrified out of their wits.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26In the days before Sky+, it wasn't possible to rewind and check that you'd seen what you thought you'd
0:14:26 > 0:14:31just seen, and Ghostwatch knowingly toyed with viewers, replaying footage of one of Pipes's
0:14:31 > 0:14:37appearances later with him missing so that viewers would start to think they were seeing things.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Can we go forward slowly? - Sure, sure. We're doing that now.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- Is that slow enough?- Uh-huh.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49I can't see anything now myself, false alarm?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Things reached a chilling conclusion as it transpired the broadcast
0:14:52 > 0:14:56itself was acting as a nationwide seance channelling evil forces
0:14:56 > 0:15:01and Michael Parkinson was left wandering round an abandoned studio like a Yorkshireman possessed.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05SCREECHING
0:15:07 > 0:15:10After Ghostwatch was broadcast, many were furious to discover they'd
0:15:10 > 0:15:13been tricked by a cunning blurring of fact and fiction.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16You used factual presenters, you meant to be deceiving.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19You toyed with the emotions of the audience because the audience
0:15:19 > 0:15:24weren't actually sure, I wasn't, if it was fact or fiction.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Ghostwatch had confused people by being a piece of fictional
0:15:27 > 0:15:29entertainment masquerading as fact.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34Shortly afterwards, a new genre in which fact masqueraded as fictional entertainment, rose in popularity.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Nosey parker fly on the wall documentary
0:15:37 > 0:15:42series exemplified by the original 70s incarnation of The Family, had been around for several decades.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47It's going to be a tremendous intrusion into your privacy because we will film everything.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50But during the 90s, they morphed into a populist
0:15:50 > 0:15:53new genre, the docusoap which made stars of regular
0:15:53 > 0:15:58incompetent people spoons such as Maureen Reece from Driving School.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Woah, woahh, for Christ's sake.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05She nearly killed someone.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Before long, docusoaps were focusing more heavily on the soap aspect,
0:16:08 > 0:16:12turning their participants into bona-fide stars.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14This lady, she's going to be a very big star, she really is.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19A wonderful talent. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jane McDonald.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24These were documentaries with all the factual information stripped out, well nearly all.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26There was still room for the odd statistic.
0:16:26 > 0:16:34By the end of this week, you'll have eaten, in total, £40,000 of meat and poultry.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Imagine if when the passengers shat it all out, it came out the
0:16:37 > 0:16:43back of the ship in a long, unbroken turd rope, like the ones that hang off goldfish.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Anyway, that's a side thought, best to ignore it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50And just as documentaries were under pressure to become more populist, so was the news.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Ever since satellite news first appeared, the landscape
0:16:53 > 0:16:56had become more competitive and the fight for impact intensified.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01This is Sky News. 10 Britons will sell their kidneys to this man.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05As a consequence across the board, the graphics steadily became more fearsome and bombastic.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10The sets more cavernous and self-important and the delivery more theatrical.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14The Liberal Democrats have accused the other two parties of gazing into the gutter.
0:17:14 > 0:17:19And part of this more crowd pleasing approach was that the opinion of the viewer grew steadily more important.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24This situation reached a peak in 1997 after the death of Princess Diana,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27when the opinion of the man in the street actually became the emotive
0:17:27 > 0:17:29focus of much of the news coverage.
0:17:29 > 0:17:36Good evening, it's been a day like no other, a day for the people stunned by the news of Diana's death and a
0:17:36 > 0:17:40day that rewrote the rules about how a grieving nation should react.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43The outpouring of emotion just grows by the day.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46The Queen's not in residence today but where the hell is the flag hey?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49You see what I'm saying about the Establishment?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Current affairs was no longer a stern proclamation from
0:17:51 > 0:17:56the establishment and was becoming more like a public sounding board.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59News in general had started to move away from explaining the world to us
0:17:59 > 0:18:02and move towards us explaining our view of the world to them.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06If you've got a story to tell, we'd love to hear from you.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08The e-mail address as always, your news.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13All the while the internet were starting to overtake TV as the source of instant news
0:18:13 > 0:18:18and just as newspapers reacted to TV by becoming spicier, TV news morphed into rolling news
0:18:18 > 0:18:24in which everything became a sensational non-stop crisis full of incremental, horrible developments.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29We can now tell you that he's actually unconscious and his kidneys have stopped working.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32It's become a hope sapping broadcast from the depression dimension when
0:18:32 > 0:18:36someone simply reads aloud a list of the worst events in the world.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41He killed his 74 year-old grand mother, also his mother, his uncle,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45his cousin, his 15 year-old second cousin.
0:18:45 > 0:18:51- In addition, he killed a baby who was 18 months old, - CHARLIE GROANS
0:18:51 > 0:18:55he killed the sheriff deputy's wife, he killed two pedestrians, he killed a petrol station assistant, he
0:18:55 > 0:19:03killed a motorist, he shot the chief of police and he shot himself. I'll let you digest that for a moment.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08We're going to be back with all the top stories and indeed the business news.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Thanks for that.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Today's news often seems to be about nothing but the thrill of the chase,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15an endless parade of fresh horror piled upon fresh horror.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17No time for reflection, just pictures.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Look at this, then look at this, come on tune in rubberneckers, have a bloody good gawp.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24We'll just come underneath this cordon.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Barry the cameraman, can you get under here?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Forgive the camera just moving around.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33Soon it becomes meaningless which has the side-effect of making reality itself feel somehow unreal,
0:19:33 > 0:19:38like a work of fiction writing itself a destiny beyond our control.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41All we can do is stare at it in stunned desperation.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45If 24 hour news was stranding viewers in a nihilistic wilderness,
0:19:45 > 0:19:49the other source of knowledge, the TV documentary had changed too.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Where once documentary experts were expected to speak and walk around like academics, there's a growing
0:19:54 > 0:19:59assumption that today's viewer won't pay attention to facts unless there's a star attached,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02preferably one with a shaky link to the subject.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06For instance, because the actor, Ross Kemp, played a hard ex soldier
0:20:06 > 0:20:08in EastEnders, he was considered an
0:20:08 > 0:20:10ideal choice to send to Afghanistan
0:20:10 > 0:20:12to show how a real war works.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16The most exciting morning I've had in a very long time, I can assure you of that.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Weirdly, it turned out he's actually pretty good at this.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22All of which opened the floodgates for other celebrity experts.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25One consistent thumbprint of "expertainment" is to confuse
0:20:25 > 0:20:28fictional characters with the actors that portray them.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Because he played a vet in African based, Wild at Heart, ITV thought it would be a good idea
0:20:33 > 0:20:37to send Stephen Tompkinson animal mending round Africa.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40In fact even Tompkinson seems to have forgotten he's an actor.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43My journey begins in Tanzania on Africa's
0:20:43 > 0:20:48east coast where I'll test my veterinary expertise with some of the hardest-working vets in the world.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52And if you need an expert on cats, who better than Joanna Lumley.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56She's a bit feline, well she purrs when she talks, she even looks a bit like a cat.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Christ, this is perfect, she must love cats.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02She'll show us the family tabby in a moment, you wait.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06My journey begins here at home and
0:21:06 > 0:21:10it begins with a confession. We don't have a cat.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Oh, well I suppose it must be quite hard to find someone in Britain who owns a cat.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16No one seems to have proper expertise any more.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Griff Rhys Jones's chief qualification for splashing round
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Britain's rivers, is that he's 60% water like the rest of us.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27While sending renowned investigative journalist Daniel Dyer to explore
0:21:27 > 0:21:29the phenomenon of UFOs seems odd,
0:21:29 > 0:21:35because he's not an expert and seems to have made his mind up before he sets out according to the title.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40I'm going to ask you straightaway, do you believe there's intelligent life?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42In this room?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44He's also easily swayed by evidence like
0:21:44 > 0:21:48dodgy footage of what looks like a rubber alien mask at a window.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50What the hell is that?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Hope no one shows him Santa Claus, The Movie! He'll shit himself.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56These days, you don't even have to be vaguely suitable to
0:21:56 > 0:22:00front a documentary series, provided you're a celebrity.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05I have always been passionate about rave culture and I'm on a very personal journey to discover the
0:22:05 > 0:22:11roots of this fascinating scene and its diverse yet controversial musical legacy.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Summer of love, 88. It was simply parties.
0:22:13 > 0:22:1589 was probably even bigger.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Some of them do's were 10,000 strong.
0:22:19 > 0:22:25Everyone was together, you could go, you could be playing a tune at 120 bpm,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29go down to Aphrodisiac or something which was about 100 bpm.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33All the girls on the podium, all the dancers everywhere, glow sticks,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35just a sea of glow sticks everywhere.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Don't you remember the dummies?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39You must have had a Vicks rubbed on your back at one point when you was at a rave.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Everyone had that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44They were the days though, hey?
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Raving, wicked. Be nice to go back there wouldn't it?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51To like the proper days when we were all out there.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Once documentaries were happy to show you stuff and take time to let you absorb it.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Gradually they morphed into grandiose visual spectaculars like
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Walking With Dinosaurs.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04We'll show you how these magnificent creatures live.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07How they eat, fight and reproduce.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Sensation was starting to overwhelm fact and before long
0:23:10 > 0:23:13if we wanted to learn about, say, the Blitz,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16it was no longer good enough to listen to people who actually lived through it.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Boring. Instead, you had to hold your own Blitz
0:23:19 > 0:23:22in shows like the TV experiment, Blitz Street, which would answer
0:23:22 > 0:23:24the burning question of what would
0:23:24 > 0:23:28happen if 1940s German explosives were dropped on British houses.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31A question most of us would have thought was pretty comprehensively
0:23:31 > 0:23:34answered by the six-year experiment known as World War 2.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38To see where it's heading, look no further than Deadliest Warrior,
0:23:38 > 0:23:39a flabbergasting show which explores
0:23:39 > 0:23:43history's more fearsome brawlers by pitting them against each other
0:23:43 > 0:23:46in a manner which defies both sense and taste.
0:23:46 > 0:23:54The notoriously evil Nazi Waffen SS, Hitler's deadly assault courses that launched World War 2,
0:23:54 > 0:23:59versus the vicious Viet Cong, murderous masters of jungle warfare.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Each week, two sides are chosen and then the deadliest warrior
0:24:02 > 0:24:06team gleefully explore the injurious possibilities by road
0:24:06 > 0:24:11testing their respective arsenals on bio mechanically accurate dummies and the occasional dead animal.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13For instance, here we discover what happens
0:24:13 > 0:24:15when you detonate a Viet Cong land mine
0:24:15 > 0:24:17beside a deceased pig, which
0:24:17 > 0:24:21sounds like the most mental Heston Blumenthal recipe of all time.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Whoo!
0:24:23 > 0:24:29Basically what they've done is they've taken the tragic futility of war and used it to blow up a pig.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Once they work out who has got the edge in which top trump style
0:24:31 > 0:24:35category, their resident computer expert runs a simulation pitching
0:24:35 > 0:24:41the two sides against each other in an imaginary mind space in which only one can emerge victorious.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46The thing is it's so far removed from reality, you end up picking sides like it's a sport which means
0:24:46 > 0:24:51it's possible to watch this and find yourself cheering on the Nazis like they're Tim Henman or something.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Go on Nazi, kill him(!)
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Brilliant(!)
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Oh no, the poor Nazi(!)
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Get him, yes(!) Hooray for the Nazis(!) Go on(!)
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Come on. Come on,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18come on.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Yay, the Nazis won(!)
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Hooray for the Nazis, hooray for the Nazis everyone(!)
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Hooray, hooray for the Nazis(!)
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Yay. Hooray for the Nazis, Yay(!)
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Please don't take this out of context and put it on YouTube.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37When you're dealing with the world in which facts are treated as though
0:25:37 > 0:25:40they've been dreamed up, you may as well make factual programmes,
0:25:40 > 0:25:44not just about stuff we know, but about stuff we don't know, ie the unknown, you know?
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Back in 1992, a fictional spook show caused a stink because
0:25:48 > 0:25:50viewers thought it was real.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Yet 10 years later, viewers were so desensitised to
0:25:53 > 0:25:58fact bending, ostensibly real paranormal investigations had become a telly staple.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02We've had viewers saying they've seen orbs, the small lights that
0:26:02 > 0:26:04they've seen in various places.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06We think we've caught sight of them.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Have a look at this footage which we recorded earlier on.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That's amazing is it not?
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Thanks in part to TV's obsession with the supernatural, these days almost every son of a
0:26:19 > 0:26:23bitch in the country claims to have encountered a ghost at some point.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Real life Spook Talk.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I used to have this cup.
0:26:29 > 0:26:36It was a blue mug with a chip on the rim where you drink from.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Anyway, one night, I broke it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Dropped it on something.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45I go, "oh shit".
0:26:45 > 0:26:51- A few weeks later, I was at a friend's house and I opened the cupboard and there it is.- Same cup?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Same cup.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- With the chip in it? - No, that had gone.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04We were staying in a hotel room and very gradually it got colder.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- How much colder?- Not much, probably a couple of degrees.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09And how long did this last?
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- A couple of minutes. - You've been watching real-life
0:27:12 > 0:27:13Spook Talk.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Don't have nightmares.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19It's not just supernatural bibble people are prepared to
0:27:19 > 0:27:24believe, they'll choke down anything that looks like a documentary, even fatuous online conspiracy bum wash.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26All TV taught us was to
0:27:26 > 0:27:28believe what screens said,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30even when they were lying.
0:27:30 > 0:27:35TV's relationship with information has taken fact on a lengthy and unusual journey.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Documentaries morphed from highbrow,
0:27:37 > 0:27:41historical lecturing into lowbrow historical pantomime remixing.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Our taste for experts shifted from knowledgeable, respectable academics
0:27:45 > 0:27:47to tit witted celebrity puppets.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49And what about those fact-based dramas?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51This traditional sense of reverence
0:27:51 > 0:27:53soon got pissed through a tinsel coated hosepipe.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Where once the Tudors looked like old paintings,
0:27:55 > 0:27:56TV now portrayed them
0:27:56 > 0:27:59like the cast of a sex craved 16th century take on Hollyoaks.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03And the news went from a basic unemotional explanation of the facts
0:28:03 > 0:28:08to a non-stop entertainment format sold on the basis of its emotive impact.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10The world has changed and we must change with it.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13An entertainment format which sometimes talks to you
0:28:13 > 0:28:15like you're back in the classroom watching a schools programme.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19So to have snow, the layers of the atmosphere below
0:28:19 > 0:28:23cloud level must be cold enough to keep the flakes from melting.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Don't patronise me, I'm not stupid.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Although I'm 39 and bickering with the news.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32So what did I learn from television apart from catchphrases and theme tunes? Almost nothing.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35I just looked at stuff and ended up back where I started.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:47 > 0:28:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk