Episode 3

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0:00:02 > 0:00:03"Dear Murray, I'm going away for a bit."

0:00:03 > 0:00:04- I've moved in with Abby. - What?

0:00:04 > 0:00:05By the way, did you find that memory stick?

0:00:05 > 0:00:07Er, yeah.

0:00:07 > 0:00:10Don't want me getting all suspicious again, do we, sweetheart?

0:00:10 > 0:00:12I'm worried about leaving Don on his own.

0:00:40 > 0:00:42Murray?

0:00:43 > 0:00:44Murray?

0:00:44 > 0:00:48I know you're here, because your car's here.

0:00:48 > 0:00:49GLASS CLINKS

0:00:49 > 0:00:52Oh, Abby's been very cavalier

0:00:52 > 0:00:56about mixing her recyclables with her non-recyclables.

0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Not very green at all. - What are you doing?

0:00:59 > 0:01:03I mean, the council colour-coded these bins for a reason, and...

0:01:03 > 0:01:05OK, I was worried about you.

0:01:05 > 0:01:07Yes, well, I'm beginning to worry about you.

0:01:07 > 0:01:11That film finished an hour and 50 minutes ago. I mean, where have you been?

0:01:11 > 0:01:14I went for a bite to eat with a friend. Do you want to see the bill?

0:01:14 > 0:01:18No, no, I believe you. It's just... It's ten past midnight. I mean...

0:01:18 > 0:01:20Do you have the bill, out of interest?

0:01:20 > 0:01:22Murray, this really isn't what I had in mind when we talked about

0:01:22 > 0:01:24me having space to do my own thing.

0:01:24 > 0:01:27I know, but it's been a week now. We haven't seen each other.

0:01:27 > 0:01:28Do you recall the discussion we had?

0:01:28 > 0:01:30- About boundaries? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:01:30 > 0:01:32- The boundaries thing. - Uh-huh.

0:01:32 > 0:01:34So who were you with tonight?

0:01:34 > 0:01:36Someone from work, if you must know.

0:01:36 > 0:01:38- A paramedic. - Oh.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41That's mainly a...male job, isn't it?

0:01:41 > 0:01:43It was a woman.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46But there are obviously women who do it, too, which is...

0:01:46 > 0:01:49- as it should be. - Hang on.

0:01:49 > 0:01:52How did you know the film finished an hour and 50 minutes ago?

0:01:52 > 0:01:55I happened to be near the cinema, and...

0:01:55 > 0:01:57I saw you go in. Look, I can't help it. I miss you.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59I-I worry about you when you're not with me.

0:01:59 > 0:02:02You know, there's all sorts of weirdos around at this time of night.

0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Yes, hiding behind people's bins. - DOOR OPENS

0:02:05 > 0:02:07Do you want me to call the police, Bex?

0:02:07 > 0:02:09No, Abby, it's OK.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Whatever he's saying, don't listen to him.

0:02:11 > 0:02:12You're looking well, Abby.

0:02:18 > 0:02:23Look, I just think if we spent some time together and chatted things through...

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Murray, I'm chairing a committee for the CT fundraiser at the moment

0:02:25 > 0:02:27and I'm completely swamped.

0:02:27 > 0:02:28So if it's all right with you,

0:02:28 > 0:02:32it would be good if I could get some sleep now that I'm safely home.

0:02:32 > 0:02:33Bex...

0:02:33 > 0:02:35Don't call it home.

0:02:35 > 0:02:37Good night, Murray.

0:02:51 > 0:02:54HE SIGHS I knew we should have parked down the road.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56- GLASS CLINKS - It's too far to walk.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16- DON:- Murray?

0:03:16 > 0:03:18Yeah, I'm in here, Don. Sorry.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20DOOR OPENS

0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Paula's on her way. - Oh, right.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25Er... Come to pick you up?

0:03:25 > 0:03:27I don't want to go.

0:03:27 > 0:03:31I know, but, you know, we discussed this, Don.

0:03:31 > 0:03:33You have to go back to your wife.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35This was just an interim thing.

0:03:35 > 0:03:38- I worry about you. - Oh, that's very touching, Don.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41I don't like the idea of leaving you on your own.

0:03:41 > 0:03:42Feel free to drop in.

0:03:42 > 0:03:44When?

0:03:44 > 0:03:45Soon?

0:03:46 > 0:03:49Have you read Divorce Deterrent

0:03:49 > 0:03:52- by Suranne Miles? - No. No, I haven't.

0:03:52 > 0:03:53How about Let's Save Our Marriage by Dan Gernon?

0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Been pretty busy, so... - I read them both last night.

0:03:57 > 0:04:00How would you feel about me helping you and Bex

0:04:00 > 0:04:02as a sort of marriage guidance counsellor?

0:04:02 > 0:04:06That's... That's... That's very kind, Don. It's a great idea.

0:04:06 > 0:04:09Um... Not sure that would...work,

0:04:09 > 0:04:12you know, with you being Bex's dad.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15- I'll be very discreet. - That's... That's...good to hear.

0:04:15 > 0:04:17You know, I'd just be concerned, and...

0:04:17 > 0:04:20do you not need professional qualifications for that?

0:04:20 > 0:04:22Maybe you should be talking to

0:04:22 > 0:04:24a professional marriage guidance counsellor, then.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26That a terrific idea, Don, but...

0:04:26 > 0:04:29Bex feels at the moment that she, um...

0:04:29 > 0:04:33Well, she's just very keen on...boundaries.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Um...

0:04:35 > 0:04:39Just while she concentrates on her...charity event.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41Um... Tell you what.

0:04:41 > 0:04:44You could...buy some tickets. That'd cheer her up.

0:04:44 > 0:04:45DOORBELL RINGS

0:04:45 > 0:04:47Ooh, I think that might be Paula. Er...

0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Right.- Yeah...

0:04:52 > 0:04:56Might be... Might be easier for you to get that, Don.

0:05:02 > 0:05:04DOOR CLOSES

0:05:13 > 0:05:14Oh...

0:05:14 > 0:05:18Hi, Emma. Er, actually, I was, er, just wondering.

0:05:18 > 0:05:20Late notice, so don't worry if you can't,

0:05:20 > 0:05:23but what are you doing on Friday?

0:05:23 > 0:05:24Nothing.

0:05:25 > 0:05:26You don't want to check your diary, or...?

0:05:26 > 0:05:28- I'm free. - OK. Um...

0:05:28 > 0:05:29And if I've got anything, I can easily cancel it.

0:05:29 > 0:05:33OK. It's a fundraiser for the hospital, it's at the Adelphi.

0:05:33 > 0:05:35Quite a glamorous night, you know, blacktie...

0:05:35 > 0:05:38Oh, my God. I would love to go with you.

0:05:38 > 0:05:41It's the CT scanner appeal my wife's running, so...

0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Oh. - LIFT DINGS

0:05:43 > 0:05:45Good, well, er, glad you can come.

0:05:50 > 0:05:52- I thought you were separated. - Well, temporarily.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54But I really want the event to go well for her,

0:05:54 > 0:05:57so, you know, I'm putting a table together.

0:05:57 > 0:06:00- And will she be there, your wife? - Yeah.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Yeah. On a different table. - Fantastic.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06For her. To have her own table.

0:06:06 > 0:06:09Yeah... Shall I put you down for two tickets, then?

0:06:09 > 0:06:10No, just one.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12Just the one ticket? No boyfriend, or...?

0:06:12 > 0:06:14No, Murray.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25Can I put you down for the charity event, Nereesha?

0:06:25 > 0:06:28I don't think so, Murray. I'm not really feeling myself at the moment.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. - Usually,

0:06:30 > 0:06:33I'm the life and soul of a party, but these days...

0:06:33 > 0:06:34Yes, er...

0:06:34 > 0:06:36You know, maybe a night out will do you good.

0:06:36 > 0:06:40There's a harpist, I think, from the London Philharmonic,

0:06:40 > 0:06:42and a comedian, so...

0:06:42 > 0:06:45I hate comedians. Always so much pressure to laugh.

0:06:45 > 0:06:49OK, I'll put you down for two, then, shall I, you and Steve?

0:06:49 > 0:06:52Yes, all right, then, but we're not really talking much at the moment,

0:06:52 > 0:06:54what with our many unresolved problems.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56- Ah, yes... - Our sexual problems.

0:06:56 > 0:06:57- Right. - I think I mentioned them to you.

0:06:57 > 0:07:00You did, yes. I'll put you down for a couple, shall I?

0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's like lying next to a block of ice under that duvet.

0:07:04 > 0:07:06Y-You're vegetarian, aren't you?

0:07:06 > 0:07:08Yes, but he knew that when he married me. Why would that put him off?

0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well, it-it's just we'd have to let the caterers know.

0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Murray, can I have a word? - Oh, yes. Hi, Curtis. Er...

0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Everything OK? - Could be better.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23Pentratech have been on, something about a breach of their data protection.

0:07:23 > 0:07:24You did find that memory stick, didn't you?

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Yeah. Yeah.

0:07:26 > 0:07:27- Well, where is it? - Um...

0:07:27 > 0:07:30- I'll... I'll get it. - Good.

0:07:30 > 0:07:32And, oh, I need you to help me with something.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34I've got this appointment this afternoon.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37You don't have three £2 coins, do you, for the machine in the hotel gents?

0:07:37 > 0:07:39- No. No, no, I don't. - OK.

0:07:39 > 0:07:42Anyway, I need you to stand in for me for something. It's nothing much.

0:07:42 > 0:07:45Just a committee meeting for the CT scanner appeal people.

0:07:45 > 0:07:46- What? - The bank's sponsoring the event.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49I'd go myself, but this appointment came up,

0:07:49 > 0:07:50and I'd really like to go to that.

0:07:52 > 0:07:53- Do you have any change at all? - No, I don't.

0:07:53 > 0:07:58Sorry, look, the problem is, Curtis, Bex is chairing that committee.

0:07:58 > 0:07:59Yeah, no, I know. That's why I thought of you.

0:07:59 > 0:08:01Well, it could be a bit awkward.

0:08:01 > 0:08:03We're separated.

0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Really? - Yeah. I have told you.

0:08:06 > 0:08:09No, no, no, it'll be fine. Look, the committee's expecting us

0:08:09 > 0:08:11to cough up for a bigger room for their big event.

0:08:11 > 0:08:12You'll just have to tell them no.

0:08:12 > 0:08:16Well, it's just, Bex has been talking about boundaries and, you know,

0:08:16 > 0:08:18keeping a bit of distance from each other.

0:08:18 > 0:08:20Thanks, mate. Really appreciate it.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Damian, have you got any £2 coins?

0:08:31 > 0:08:33Murray!

0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Are you on the committee now? - Oh, hi, Gina.

0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Er, just for today, I think. Yes.- Oh.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40You're looking well.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42Oh, well, adopting is the best thing that's happened to me and Jeff.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45- Oh, yes, yes, congratulations. Ohh...- Well, it was worth the wait.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48Hey, when are you and Bex going to start thinking about having kids?

0:08:48 > 0:08:50Neither of you are getting any younger, you know.

0:08:50 > 0:08:51Well, it's a little bit difficult at the moment.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Oh, are you having problems? - Yeah, something like that...

0:08:54 > 0:08:56Oh, Jeff and I were the same.

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Well, listen, I'll get you the number of the adoption agency, if you like.

0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Oh, no... - Oh, Marian, can I just...?

0:09:00 > 0:09:03I didn't think you were going to be here. Yes!

0:09:03 > 0:09:05I haven't seen you since Judith's dinner. Hi.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:09:12 > 0:09:15Look, I'm sorry. It wasn't my idea. Curtis couldn't make it.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18- What happened to boundaries, Murray? - I know, but don't worry.

0:09:18 > 0:09:19You won't even know I'm here.

0:09:19 > 0:09:20Hello, Madam Chair.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Oh, hi, Julian.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26Hi. Er...

0:09:26 > 0:09:28Murray. Bex's husband.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Oh, hi. - This is Julian.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32He's a director of Wolverton Invests.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34They've been huge supporters of the charity.

0:09:34 > 0:09:35Well, we do what we can.

0:09:35 > 0:09:38Terrific. Heh! I like that can-do attitude.

0:09:38 > 0:09:41Not the can-don't.

0:09:41 > 0:09:43Or is it can't-do?

0:09:43 > 0:09:44Can't-don't...?

0:09:44 > 0:09:45Can... Can-do...

0:09:45 > 0:09:49Right, thank you for coming, everyone. I suppose we ought to get started.

0:09:49 > 0:09:51Fantastic idea, Bex. CLAPS HANDS

0:10:06 > 0:10:09Um... This is Murray, everyone.

0:10:09 > 0:10:14Um... Curtis couldn't be here, so he sent Murray along.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Looking forward to helping in any way I can.

0:10:18 > 0:10:20So, our first item is venue.

0:10:20 > 0:10:24Now, you may remember that we're looking to get a commitment from the bank

0:10:24 > 0:10:26to fund the larger room at the Adelphi.

0:10:26 > 0:10:29Er... Murray.

0:10:29 > 0:10:30Right, yes, er...

0:10:30 > 0:10:34Yeah, thank you for raising that point, Bex. Um...

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Great chairing, by the way. Er, I think our view...

0:10:36 > 0:10:40well, Curtis's, really, is that while we're happy to help the appeal,

0:10:40 > 0:10:42go the extra mile in any way,

0:10:42 > 0:10:44this particular mile...

0:10:44 > 0:10:47might be a bit too...extra.

0:10:47 > 0:10:49- So what does that mean? - Well, with any sponsorship,

0:10:49 > 0:10:51there is, of course, a ceiling,

0:10:51 > 0:10:54- and, you know, I think our view... - You're not paying for it.

0:10:55 > 0:10:57- No. - Well, we were led to believe

0:10:57 > 0:10:58that the funding would be available.

0:10:58 > 0:10:59Oh, look, honey...

0:11:00 > 0:11:04I mean, Bex... I mean, Chairman. Er, Chairperson. Chair?

0:11:07 > 0:11:09Forgotten what I was going to say.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11- How much money are we talking about?- Um...

0:11:11 > 0:11:14- It's £800.- I'll transfer the money this afternoon.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Thank you, Julian. Thank you, that's so kind.

0:11:17 > 0:11:20- MURMURS OF APPRECIATION - Great!

0:11:20 > 0:11:21So, moving on, um,

0:11:21 > 0:11:25I'll be honest, the whole auction segment of the evening is...

0:11:25 > 0:11:26it's not looking great.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28We really could do with some bigger prizes,

0:11:28 > 0:11:29anything to add a bit of glamour.

0:11:29 > 0:11:31So any thoughts, anyone?

0:11:34 > 0:11:37How about some... celebrity involvement, you know?

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Well, we've thought of that,

0:11:39 > 0:11:41but they're quite hard to pin down for this sort of thing.

0:11:41 > 0:11:42It's just I know with my cycling club,

0:11:42 > 0:11:46we launched this Get On Your Bike appeal, you know, for child obesity.

0:11:46 > 0:11:47Oh, I heard about that.

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Joanna Lumley came, made a little speech, cut the tape.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Yeah, we're really not going to get Joanna Lumley.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Oh, I love Joanna Lumley.

0:11:53 > 0:11:57Sure, yeah, I love Joanna Lumley, too, but it sounds like a bit of a long shot.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59Yeah, cos I was thinking, for the charity auction,

0:11:59 > 0:12:02the prize could be dinner with Joanna Lumley.

0:12:02 > 0:12:04Yeah, we're not going to get Joanna Lumley.

0:12:04 > 0:12:05She's done wonderful work with the Gurkhas.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07And, actually, I've heard

0:12:07 > 0:12:09she's been very supportive of other projects in Brighton.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12Like my cycling club. In fact, my friend Grant's got her agent's number, so...

0:12:12 > 0:12:13That's a brilliant idea, Murray. Brilliant.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

0:12:16 > 0:12:19So, you really think that you can get Joanna Lumley?

0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Absolutely.- Right.

0:12:24 > 0:12:26PHONE RINGS

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Hello?

0:12:37 > 0:12:39Yes, yes, er... Thanks for calling back.

0:12:39 > 0:12:41I got your details from Grant Hutchins.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44He was the one liaising with you on the Get On Your Bike campaign.

0:12:46 > 0:12:48Yes, him. Yeah, yeah.

0:12:50 > 0:12:53Oh, er, well, I'm...I'm sorry to hear that.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58Well, Grant's an acquired taste, I suppose.

0:12:58 > 0:13:01Anyway, this time, we were hoping Joanna might able to attend...

0:13:04 > 0:13:07No, no, Grant's not coming. It's nothing to do with him. Yeah.

0:13:09 > 0:13:13Yeah, no, no, understood. Sorry she felt that way. Um...

0:13:14 > 0:13:18In principle, might it be something that she'd be interested in?

0:13:19 > 0:13:21No, I promise you he won't be there.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26Right, so...I'll wait to hear back, then, shall I, or...?

0:13:28 > 0:13:31Booth. Murray Booth. Yeah. Thank you.

0:13:33 > 0:13:34Bye.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find anything to wear.

0:13:53 > 0:13:54Everything made me look like an abattoir.

0:13:54 > 0:13:55Keeley, you look lovely.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57I've had it for years. I can't carry it off.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59Nonsense. Look, Belinda over there's wearing exactly the same,

0:13:59 > 0:14:01she looks fantastic.

0:14:01 > 0:14:03Oh, great, she's wearing the same dress!

0:14:03 > 0:14:06No, it's not the same. It's similar. But look how good Belinda looks in it.

0:14:06 > 0:14:08Belinda's 50.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10- Are you saying I look 50? - Is that the cake for the raffle?

0:14:10 > 0:14:13Oh... Er, yeah. No, sorry, I was going to do four tiers,

0:14:13 > 0:14:15but then I got another order and I got distracted.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17Basically, I hate myself.

0:14:17 > 0:14:18Hello, Keeley.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Oh, hi. - Love the dress.

0:14:20 > 0:14:21Oh, thank you, Murray. Thank you.

0:14:21 > 0:14:24Must be the latest thing. Belinda's got one just like it.

0:14:24 > 0:14:26God! Wrong cake, wrong dress...

0:14:26 > 0:14:29- What did I say? - Don't. So, Joanna Lumley!

0:14:29 > 0:14:31- Still on schedule. - I still can't believe

0:14:31 > 0:14:33- you managed to get her. - Yes, well, I think her agent

0:14:33 > 0:14:34found me pretty persuasive.

0:14:34 > 0:14:38- I've not lost my charm, you know. - Well, clearly not.

0:14:38 > 0:14:39This is fantastic, by the way.

0:14:39 > 0:14:42I mean, the room, the decorations,

0:14:42 > 0:14:44the internationally acclaimed harpist.

0:14:44 > 0:14:46You've done an amazing job.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49Oh, thank you. And thank you for bringing a whole table full of people.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52Well, you know, I just want the evening to go well for you, you know.

0:14:52 > 0:14:54Um...

0:14:55 > 0:14:56You look great, by the way.

0:14:58 > 0:15:00- You don't look too bad yourself. - Yeah, well,

0:15:00 > 0:15:02it's my speciality, isn't it?

0:15:02 > 0:15:04Not too bad. BOTH CHUCKLE

0:15:04 > 0:15:06CHUCKLES

0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, hello, Abby. Uh, doesn't the room look great?

0:15:09 > 0:15:10As do you.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13Just like the room, only...smaller. Um...

0:15:15 > 0:15:17- Bex, could I have a word? - Yeah, sure.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19Uh, I should flog some of those raffle tickets for you, Bex.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22OK, um, £1 a ticket, £4 a strip.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yeah, I may not strip. Heh!

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Do you remember what we said

0:15:31 > 0:15:34about not letting the fox back into the henhouse, Bex?

0:15:34 > 0:15:36Yes, but the fox has given us Joanna Lumley.

0:15:36 > 0:15:39He's still a fox, Bex. Just like Clifford.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41A bad fox. Bad, bad fox.

0:15:52 > 0:15:54What are you doing here?

0:15:54 > 0:15:56Oh, nice! First of all you say to come along,

0:15:56 > 0:15:58and then you leave a message to say there's no tickets.

0:15:58 > 0:15:59Who let you in?

0:15:59 > 0:16:01Sanj invited me. The cycling club bought a table.

0:16:01 > 0:16:04What time is Joanna getting here? I can't wait to catch up with her.

0:16:04 > 0:16:06- Now, look, Grant... - Is it a free bar?

0:16:06 > 0:16:09No, it's not a free bar! It's a charity event.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11We're raising money for a CT scanner!

0:16:11 > 0:16:13- PAULA:- Murray...

0:16:13 > 0:16:15I've been watching you across the room.

0:16:15 > 0:16:18It breaks my heart that you and Bex aren't together.

0:16:18 > 0:16:19I know.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21Um...

0:16:21 > 0:16:24You won't put any revenge porn on the internet, will you?

0:16:24 > 0:16:26What? No, no.

0:16:26 > 0:16:27Oh, good.

0:16:27 > 0:16:29- Murray...- Grant!

0:16:29 > 0:16:30- ..there's someone I want you to meet.- Oh. Oh, yeah...

0:16:30 > 0:16:34This is Florence. She's a marriage guidance counsellor.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Right. Hello, Florence.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38- Hello. - I was just telling Florence

0:16:38 > 0:16:40- about your situation. - I'm happy to help.

0:16:40 > 0:16:43Well, that's very kind, but I'm not sure we're at that point yet.

0:16:43 > 0:16:44It's early days.

0:16:44 > 0:16:47Personally, I think the sooner you two get talking, the better.

0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Uh, Bex! Over here! - No, really, Don.

0:16:49 > 0:16:52Let's not bother Bex with this tonight.

0:16:52 > 0:16:54- Meet Florence. - Oh, hello, Florence.

0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Hello.- She's a marriage guidance counsellor.

0:16:57 > 0:16:58Now, I've agreed with Murray that we should

0:16:58 > 0:17:00get on with some sessions for you two.

0:17:00 > 0:17:02- What?- I'm not sure that was the plan, Don.

0:17:02 > 0:17:03They need help, Florence.

0:17:03 > 0:17:05I'll just get a pen so we can sort out some dates.

0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Dad...- Yeah, I was hoping to bump into you two.

0:17:08 > 0:17:10I've got that number of the adoption agency.

0:17:10 > 0:17:13Murray said you'd been having problems.

0:17:13 > 0:17:15Oh, no, no, when I said problems, I meant...

0:17:15 > 0:17:16Sorry, I'm getting mixed signals here.

0:17:16 > 0:17:19You're separated, but you're thinking of adopting?

0:17:19 > 0:17:20You're separated?

0:17:20 > 0:17:21- Yeah. - Oh, no.

0:17:21 > 0:17:22Only temporarily.

0:17:22 > 0:17:25But if you've separated, I really wouldn't recommend adoption.

0:17:25 > 0:17:26Oh, no. It would be terribly confusing for the children.

0:17:26 > 0:17:28Yes, children need stability.

0:17:28 > 0:17:31- No, no. We're not thinking of adoption.- Oh, sorry, Bex.

0:17:31 > 0:17:32It's just that Murray said you've been having problems conceiving,

0:17:32 > 0:17:34which is why I suggested adoption.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36- I haven't had any problems conceiving.- Oh, you're already pregnant!

0:17:36 > 0:17:38You're pregnant, but you're separated?

0:17:38 > 0:17:40Yeah, I think what's happened here is...

0:17:40 > 0:17:43If you're pregnant, I'm not sure you should be drinking, Bex.

0:17:43 > 0:17:44I'd have to agree with that.

0:17:44 > 0:17:45No, no. I'm not pregnant.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49But you're trying for a baby, even though you're separated?

0:17:49 > 0:17:52No. Who said anything about trying to get pregnant or adoption?

0:17:55 > 0:17:57Raffle ticket, anyone? Er...

0:17:57 > 0:17:59Sorry, can you excuse me a moment?

0:18:04 > 0:18:08Bex, you know, obviously, people have wanted to know what's happening with us,

0:18:08 > 0:18:12but I've not told anyone we're trying for a baby, you know...

0:18:12 > 0:18:13Not a great start to the evening, Murray.

0:18:13 > 0:18:15Look, Bex, I'm here to help, so...

0:18:15 > 0:18:18Yeah, well, it would be helpful if I could just concentrate on the event.

0:18:18 > 0:18:19Absolutely, yeah.

0:18:25 > 0:18:26Those two get on so well together,

0:18:26 > 0:18:28- don't they? - Hi, Tamzin.

0:18:28 > 0:18:31Yeah, well, they've been spending a lot of time on the committee together, so...

0:18:31 > 0:18:32Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

0:18:35 > 0:18:36- A lot of evenings together. - What?

0:18:36 > 0:18:40You're absolutely right.

0:18:40 > 0:18:44Bex has left you, and I'm pretty sure Curtis is having an affair.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46- I am going to have it out with them.- Tamzin, no.

0:18:46 > 0:18:49Uh, Tamzin, not now. It's Bex's big night.

0:18:49 > 0:18:51Have you met the other people on our table?

0:18:51 > 0:18:54Come and meet Nereesha. She's great fun. Come here.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01Bex, I just want you to know that if there's anything I can do

0:19:01 > 0:19:03to help you and Murray get back together, just say.

0:19:03 > 0:19:05Oh, thank you, Grant. Thanks.

0:19:05 > 0:19:07But if you are going to split, I would like my wedding present back.

0:19:07 > 0:19:08What?

0:19:08 > 0:19:11Well, no disrespect, but it was a present for you as a couple.

0:19:11 > 0:19:13Well, we don't know if we are splitting up for good.

0:19:13 > 0:19:15Well, if you do, I want it back.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Oh, it's a wonderful event, Murray.- Good.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22Glad you're enjoying it, yes.

0:19:22 > 0:19:24- What's happening afterwards? - After?

0:19:24 > 0:19:26- After it's finished. - Oh, I-I think people will...

0:19:26 > 0:19:28will probably just go home.

0:19:28 > 0:19:30Oh. I've booked a room here tonight.

0:19:30 > 0:19:34Have you? That's... That's good. Er, saves the walk home.

0:19:34 > 0:19:36Yes. They've given me room 488, which is funny,

0:19:36 > 0:19:39because 4's one of my favourite numbers, and 1988's one of my favourite years.

0:19:39 > 0:19:44The year I was born, actually. So 488 is an ideal number for me.

0:19:44 > 0:19:46- 488. - LAUGHS

0:19:46 > 0:19:48- Yeah. Yeah, it's... - Look, Grant...

0:19:48 > 0:19:49- Whatever. You can have it back. - Excuse me.

0:19:49 > 0:19:51Um...

0:19:52 > 0:19:53Can I help?

0:19:53 > 0:19:56Yes, Grant wants his wedding present back.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59Toasted sandwich maker. I thought a toaster was too obvious.

0:19:59 > 0:20:02I'll deal with this. Don't worry.

0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Toasted sandwich maker. - Grant...

0:20:04 > 0:20:06- What time's Jo getting here? - Oh, yeah.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08- About that, the Joanna Lumley thing.- Yeah.

0:20:08 > 0:20:09Yeah, you've got to stay away from her.

0:20:09 > 0:20:12- What?- She doesn't want you anywhere near her.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14- Yeah, right. - No, I mean it.

0:20:14 > 0:20:15Her agent couldn't have been more clear.

0:20:15 > 0:20:18She lays eyes on you, she's in her car and back to London.

0:20:18 > 0:20:19What are you talking about?

0:20:19 > 0:20:21We got on like a house on fire at that cycling club thing.

0:20:21 > 0:20:22That's not how she saw it. Sorry.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34Thank you.

0:20:40 > 0:20:41GAVEL TAPS

0:20:43 > 0:20:48So, I, er... I hope you all enjoyed your meals, er, everyone.

0:20:48 > 0:20:52Apologies, er, to those who were offended by the comedian.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55We'd just like to say that the views expressed by him

0:20:55 > 0:20:59were not those of the CT scanner appeal.

0:21:02 > 0:21:06OK, er, coming up next, the raffle!

0:21:06 > 0:21:08CHEERING

0:21:08 > 0:21:10Thank you.

0:21:10 > 0:21:14Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves except us, Murray.

0:21:14 > 0:21:17No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.

0:21:17 > 0:21:21Murray, will you be honest with me? Do you find me a drag to be around?

0:21:21 > 0:21:23Well, I wouldn't use those exact words.

0:21:23 > 0:21:26Steve said I'm a drag. That's why he's not here.

0:21:26 > 0:21:29- We had a bit of a ding-dong. - Right.

0:21:29 > 0:21:32Things got heated. He said he couldn't bear being in my company.

0:21:32 > 0:21:33BEX LAUGHS

0:21:33 > 0:21:35- CURTIS:- OK, moving on...

0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Murray?- A drag?

0:21:37 > 0:21:39I think that's...that's going a bit far.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42It's just, I do find sometimes, when I'm talking,

0:21:42 > 0:21:45people come up with all manner of excuses to get away.

0:21:45 > 0:21:47Sorry, Nereesha. I did promise I'd help pack up the tombola. Sorry.

0:21:47 > 0:21:50- CHEERING JULIAN:- Oh, yeah, I'd love to.

0:21:50 > 0:21:53And thank you so much, Julian. You know, you've been so helpful.

0:21:53 > 0:21:54Oh, it's such a good cause.

0:21:54 > 0:21:56- And you've worked so hard. - Yeah, she has.

0:21:56 > 0:21:58SCOTTISH ACCENT: She's a bonnie wee worker.

0:21:58 > 0:22:00What's with the Scottish thing?

0:22:00 > 0:22:02I don't know. Don't know.

0:22:02 > 0:22:04- You remember Murray. - Yes, your ex-husband.

0:22:04 > 0:22:07- Still-husband.- I didn't mean to cause any offence.

0:22:07 > 0:22:09- No, no. None taken. - CHUCKLES

0:22:09 > 0:22:12Anyway, um, Bex, if you do fancy a night down the Admiral club,

0:22:12 > 0:22:13there's plenty of fat wallets down there.

0:22:13 > 0:22:14- Great, I'd really love that. - PHONE BUZZES

0:22:14 > 0:22:18Sorry, better get that. Joanna Lumley. Her agent. Uh, for me.

0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Sorry. One sec. CURTIS:- And our next number is...

0:22:22 > 0:22:25- ..373! - YELPING

0:22:25 > 0:22:27Oh, we have a winner!

0:22:27 > 0:22:28- Keeley Wilkie! - CHEERING

0:22:28 > 0:22:30Ha-ha-ha! Well done.

0:22:30 > 0:22:31The prize is...

0:22:31 > 0:22:36a lovely cake, er, freshly baked and donated by, er...

0:22:36 > 0:22:37Keeley Wilkie.

0:22:37 > 0:22:39- CHEERING DIES - Well done, Keeley.

0:22:41 > 0:22:44I-I don't understand. I mean, I spoke to you this morning.

0:22:44 > 0:22:46What?

0:22:46 > 0:22:48No, no. You don't understand.

0:22:48 > 0:22:50The whole event has been built around her.

0:22:50 > 0:22:56So, ladies and gentlemen, the auction is about to start,

0:22:56 > 0:23:00so please get ready to spend, spend, spend.

0:23:00 > 0:23:02CHEERING

0:23:02 > 0:23:04Fantastic.

0:23:04 > 0:23:06Thank you for...

0:23:06 > 0:23:08Bex...

0:23:08 > 0:23:11Can you sit down? I'd like you to sit down.

0:23:11 > 0:23:12- CURTIS:- Do I hear £20?

0:23:12 > 0:23:15- What's happening? - Joanna Lumley's not coming.

0:23:16 > 0:23:18No.

0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Can you sit down?- Please stop telling me to sit down.

0:23:21 > 0:23:23- What's happened?- I don't know. Her agent wouldn't say.

0:23:23 > 0:23:26- OK... - CURTIS:- So our first item is...

0:23:26 > 0:23:30So, she's not coming, and she's not going to do the dinner date?

0:23:30 > 0:23:33- No.- It was supposed to be the big finale.

0:23:33 > 0:23:36We would have got £500 for Joanna Lumley.

0:23:36 > 0:23:37- I know, I'm sorry. - It's no good being sorry.

0:23:37 > 0:23:39What are we going to do?

0:23:39 > 0:23:41Well, maybe someone else could be the date. How about you, Abby?

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Me? Don't be ridiculous.

0:23:43 > 0:23:45The people out there will be expecting Joanna Lumley.

0:23:45 > 0:23:48You're just as attractive as Joanna Lumley.

0:23:48 > 0:23:52Yes, but I'm not Joanna Lumley, am I? I wouldn't get £20. It's just absurd.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54Well, someone'll give you more than £20, surely.

0:23:54 > 0:23:56Are you trying to be rude?

0:23:56 > 0:23:59No, no, no. I'm just saying. You know, I'll give you £20 now.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01Murray... Murray, can you just go?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03No, no, look...

0:24:03 > 0:24:05Oh, my God, I don't believe it!

0:24:05 > 0:24:07The memory stick!

0:24:07 > 0:24:10The one that was missing. It's got all the Pentratech data on it.

0:24:10 > 0:24:12Oh!

0:24:12 > 0:24:14What a relief!

0:24:16 > 0:24:19Obviously, it's not quite as important for you. Um...

0:24:19 > 0:24:22Hey, I get that.

0:24:22 > 0:24:23I'll go.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Thanks a lot, Murray. I've just spoken to Joanna Lumley's agent.

0:24:31 > 0:24:35Told him I was looking forward to renewing our acquaintance tonight,

0:24:35 > 0:24:36and he hung up on me. What did you tell him?

0:24:36 > 0:24:37Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39- When did you speak to him? - Just now.

0:24:39 > 0:24:41And you told him you were going to be here?

0:24:41 > 0:24:42- Yeah. - Grant! What have you done!?

0:24:42 > 0:24:45- She's not coming! - CREAKING

0:24:45 > 0:24:47HARPIST MOANS

0:24:47 > 0:24:49- God, I'm so sorry. - What have you done?

0:24:49 > 0:24:51- You OK? Here... - I'm fine. I'm fine.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Here, come on. You all right? - I'm fine.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Leave me alone.- OK.

0:24:55 > 0:24:57No!

0:24:57 > 0:25:00STRINGS TWANG

0:25:05 > 0:25:08STRINGS TWANG, DULL ECHO Sorry.

0:25:08 > 0:25:10GAVEL TAPS

0:25:12 > 0:25:14As you were.

0:25:14 > 0:25:16GAVEL TAPS OK.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Murray, over here! - Ladies and gentlemen,

0:25:18 > 0:25:21- the moment you've all been waiting for.- Psst.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Everything all right? - Yeah, yeah. Yes.

0:25:31 > 0:25:34Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great disappointment

0:25:34 > 0:25:38that I have to reveal that our guest of honour, Joanna Lumley,

0:25:38 > 0:25:40will not be joining us tonight.

0:25:40 > 0:25:42- MURMURING - However, we feel

0:25:42 > 0:25:46that we have an equally attractive option.

0:25:46 > 0:25:49So because she's such a trooper stepping in at the last minute,

0:25:49 > 0:25:55our next auction item will be a dinner date with our committee chair, Bex Wilkie.

0:25:58 > 0:26:00- Thank you, Bex! - TEPID APPLAUSE

0:26:00 > 0:26:03So, who's going to start the bidding for Bex?

0:26:03 > 0:26:05MURMURING

0:26:11 > 0:26:12£30?

0:26:12 > 0:26:16£30. Thank you, sir. Any advance on 30?

0:26:20 > 0:26:21£40!

0:26:21 > 0:26:2640 here. Thank you again, sir. £40 is currently bid.

0:26:26 > 0:26:28- JULIAN:- 50. - CURTIS:- Thank you, sir. £50.

0:26:29 > 0:26:31Er... £60!

0:26:31 > 0:26:32- 60 here. - 70.

0:26:34 > 0:26:35- 80.- 100.

0:26:35 > 0:26:37- CURTIS:- £100!

0:26:37 > 0:26:40- Oh, ho! the bidding's hotting up now. - PHONE RINGS

0:26:42 > 0:26:45- £110.- Well, it looks like our winning bid...

0:26:45 > 0:26:47- 120.- Abby!

0:26:47 > 0:26:49I am not having him seduce you over dinner.

0:26:49 > 0:26:51- 130.- 140.

0:26:51 > 0:26:52150.

0:26:52 > 0:26:54160. We'll have to go halves.

0:26:54 > 0:26:55170.

0:26:55 > 0:26:58Abby, please. Really, it's embarrassing.

0:26:58 > 0:27:00So, it's currently at 170.

0:27:00 > 0:27:02I can't believe there's not a gentleman who won't improve on that

0:27:02 > 0:27:05for a night out with the charming Bex Wilkie.

0:27:05 > 0:27:08- How do you know how charming she is?- What?

0:27:08 > 0:27:09I'm watching you, Curtis.

0:27:10 > 0:27:11We're at 170.

0:27:11 > 0:27:13180.

0:27:13 > 0:27:14190.

0:27:14 > 0:27:17- Don't worry, son.- It's for you. 200.

0:27:17 > 0:27:19- 210. - No, Don, it's fine, really.

0:27:19 > 0:27:20220.

0:27:20 > 0:27:25So, it's currently at 220 with Bex's husband.

0:27:25 > 0:27:28Anyone want to save Murray from the most expensive dinner

0:27:28 > 0:27:30- a man will ever have with his wife? - LAUGHTER

0:27:30 > 0:27:32230!

0:27:32 > 0:27:33Emma!

0:27:33 > 0:27:34240.

0:27:34 > 0:27:36Emma, please. 250.

0:27:36 > 0:27:37- 260.- Emma!

0:27:37 > 0:27:38270.

0:27:38 > 0:27:40- £3,000. - GASPS

0:27:40 > 0:27:41- CURTIS:- Right.

0:27:42 > 0:27:45Er, £3,000.

0:27:45 > 0:27:47That's put the cat amongst the pigeons.

0:27:47 > 0:27:51£3,000 going once.

0:27:51 > 0:27:52Twice.

0:27:52 > 0:27:56- Gone! Raising £3,000. - CHEERING

0:27:56 > 0:27:58Come and join us on stage.

0:28:00 > 0:28:03Never mind, son. You did your best.

0:28:31 > 0:28:33- I'm having dinner...with Murray. - What?!

0:28:33 > 0:28:36I am trying to re-propose to my wife.

0:28:36 > 0:28:39Maybe I could come round and have a bath at your place.

0:28:39 > 0:28:41Murray, help! Ow!