0:00:02 > 0:00:06- I think you were born to work in a garden centre. - I'm...I'm scared.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Me mate Terry'll show you the ropes.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11You'll love Terry. He's like me, but at 100mph.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13I'm not sure about this.
0:00:13 > 0:00:18This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of violence.
0:00:19 > 0:00:24(TALKS IN JAPANESE)
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Terry'll probably start you off working alongside the ferns.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30And I know you'll be pleasantly excited
0:00:30 > 0:00:32by some of the variegated ferns you'll be selling.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Do we have to do this?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36What about plan B - not bother?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I've seriously put meself out for you on this, Moz.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43So, yeah. You do have to do this.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45You've got to work at the garden centre, Moz. The reasons are manifold.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50No ferns!
0:00:52 > 0:00:56No variegated ferns!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I can feel it in me stomach.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And me kidneys. Me liver.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Me spleen.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Oh, I can feel it in me colon.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Me head's aching.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09And I've got pins and needles running up and down me arms.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Ooh...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Argh...!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I've got to get a job!
0:01:42 > 0:01:45(PHONE RINGS)
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- Brian, you all right? - 'Hi-hi.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51'Hey, look, if you're still looking for a job,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54'summat's come up that you can help us with.'
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I...I'm not doing owt pervy.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Or anything based in a garden centre.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02'How about sticking letters in envelopes and licking them shut?'
0:02:02 > 0:02:03- (KNOCKING) - What?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07'Listen, Moz, if you do it with us, I'll split the cash with you.'
0:02:07 > 0:02:10How much they paying and how many envelopes?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13'Um...a hundred for a thousand.'
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I'd best go. Radiohead have just arrived.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20'OK, I'll be round about eightish?'
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Nicely, nicely.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25All right, Morris?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Is the boss in?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30The boss? Who do you mean?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Sephiroth? Bowser?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34He means Nicki, like.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37No, probably off choosing curtains for her new underground lair.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Never mind.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41We'll just barge in anyway.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Well, this is nice, isn't it?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Chance for a proper catch-up.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Me and CH have come up with a scheme to make shedloads of cash
0:02:58 > 0:03:00with zero fuss.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Smart. So what's your plan?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Human organ trading.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Human organs...from humans?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Let's face it, people are always going to need guts inside them.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15It's good blood money.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18I mean...
0:03:18 > 0:03:20money, blud.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23But...where you going to get your...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26...your stock from?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I'm guessing it's not off eBay.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31There's always innards knocking about,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33if you know where to look.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36So where do you look?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38As if we're going to tell you!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41We got to protect our interests, blud.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45We're not idiots! If we told you where we got them from,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- you'd be straight down that mortuary.- Shut it, Orville!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19(PHONE RINGS)
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Hiya, Mum!
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Yeah, I'm just going to start measuring up.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Yeah. I don't know what it is,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33but something makes me feel really safe here.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Morris, do you swear
0:04:43 > 0:04:48not to muscle in on our organ-dealing patch?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50I swear.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Honest, you can trust me.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54I am not on the entrails trail.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Glad to hear it.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09So, have you got a...a job on today?
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Today...we're doing something a little bit spesh.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Nikolai...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21...show Morris your penis.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24No problem.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Um, not between meals, thanks.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39That is a serious piece of kit.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's true. You don't get many of them to the yard.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Big penis better than small penis,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47because small penis
0:05:47 > 0:05:50is much smaller than big penis.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51It's obvious once you say it.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57So, do you deal in a range of organs or is it members only?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59We can get you anything you fancy, Morris.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04Heart, lungs, liver, kidney - all the trimmings.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06You sure about this?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Cos if you ask me, five men walking round with six cocks
0:06:10 > 0:06:13sounds like a recipe for disaster.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Who was the previous owner?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Guy called Marco.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Ginger-nut decorator?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I always ignored him.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Shit, I'd heard he was in the hospital,
0:06:24 > 0:06:28but I didn't know it was cos you'd...nipped him in the bud.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31What did he do to deserve that?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33He put it where it didn't belong.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37What?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40He's gay, so you cut his cock off?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Doesn't that verge on homophobic?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44He's not gay!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46He was a naughty little Marco.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57He shagged CH's bird.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Ooh!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Judith?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Sorry!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13There's one more knob we need to harvest.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Is there?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Would it be one I might recognise?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23You know Marco's brother, Jake?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Yeah. - Now Jake is shagging Judith.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40I don't think he is. I think they're just working together.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41What? How do you know?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45We're going to kill Cartoon Head.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Sorry.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48I don't.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I don't...know. I'm guessing.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53CH has already give Jake one warning.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Showed him what was inside the Red Bag.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58But he didn't learn.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02So now we've got to step in and stop the shagging.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I've got this one.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26(CREAKING)
0:08:30 > 0:08:32(RATTLING)
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- Oh!- Yeah?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Troy, what are you doing in the wardrobe?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- Chilling out. - But this isn't your flat.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I know!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I'm just squatting, aren't I? Donna chucked us out again.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Had a row over a prawn biryani in the bath.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Well, now I'm chucking you out.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Cos as of Saturday, this is going to be my flat.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09What you going to do with the wardrobe?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Well, forgive the curve ball,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13but I was going to hang clothes in it.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Such a waste.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21I'm off down IKEA. There's a flat-pack down there with my name on it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Bye!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I'll keep an eye on Narnia for you(!)
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Hiya, Moz. Good time, bad time?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Is Psycho Paul still here?
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Hiya, Tania.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Nah, you missed the Bloodhound Gang by about half an hour.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Shit.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11What's the matter?
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Nothing. I just... I think Psycho Paul's slipping away from me.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I wish he'd slip away from me.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Moz, I love him.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29How can you love Psycho Paul?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31He's a nutcase!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33How can you love Jenny? She's a nutcase.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Yeah, well...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38But what is it I love?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Is it the nut or just the case?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Just loving the case is superficial.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49You have to love the whole nut.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Yeah. You're probably right.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55It doesn't matter what I think about Paul - I love him.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58It's just how things are, innit?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02The mind thinks. But the heart knows.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Where do you reckon they've gone?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I couldn't be certain,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10but I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't out harvesting groins.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Oh... Oh.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Thanks for all your help.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24No worries.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Hey, perhaps I should be a psychotherapist for a living.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32How hard can it be?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Let people moan on about their problems.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39All I'd have to do is sit there, nodding like a dashboard dog.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41See you soon, yeah?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I think I've made some real progress today.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53(SOBBING)
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I'm Jake. What you doing?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Measuring up. This is all going to be finished
0:12:17 > 0:12:18by the weekend, isn't it?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Isn't it...?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Yeah.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27You have to go.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Oh. Why?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Cos I'm using a highly toxic paste.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44What is that for? Ethnic cleansing(?)
0:12:44 > 0:12:46It's for sticking down your kitchen tiles.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I've got a mask.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Right.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06Well, I'd best evacuate before the napalm hits, eh?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Thank you for your co-operation.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25I'm not sure I can go through with this. Sorry.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Together we're strong...
0:13:31 > 0:13:33ish.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44- Colin, Carmel! - Hey, it's so great to see you! Mmm...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47All right, mate? The old team, back together again.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51So when did you get back? I thought you'd settled in Portugal.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I saw you as a trainee sardine fisherman by now,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57and you with big earrings, selling paella and chips.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Well, Portugal is beautiful, but when winter came,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02we just missed Salford too much.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Is Jenny here?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08No, she's off visiting Jenny, The Next Generation.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12We can't stay. I've got to check in with my probation officer.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Be an emotional moment for you.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Yeah... it's been nearly six months now.
0:14:17 > 0:14:23I mean, we've texted and done Skype, but it's not the same.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Cartoon Head? It's me. Sorry.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Listen, we need to have a serious natter.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Fist's old flat?
0:14:33 > 0:14:3415 minutes?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Great.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39See you, CH.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- This is it, then. - Definitely. Sorry.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46I suppose I'd better get my murder weapon ready.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48So now you're back, are you dealing again?
0:14:48 > 0:14:52No, I've opted for a life of quiet contemplation and self-abuse.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Nicki, on the other hand, is dealing up a storm.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Nicki? A dealer? In seriously?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Yeah, she's going for it big-time.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06She's like a blonde, Welsh Scarface, but more moody.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Bloody hell. When I think of all the grief
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- she gave you when you were dealing. - Yeah, I know.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Ah, I bet you feel like a total pillock now
0:15:13 > 0:15:15for putting up with it, don't you?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Eh? Don't you feel like a pillock?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- No. - You've got every right to.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23It's true. It's OK to feel a pillock.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24I don't feel a pillock!
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Oh. We have to go. Probation!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Listen, we have to get together with Jenny
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and celebrate a fresh start, huh?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Yeah. Come round tomorrow night, and we'll all get totally mashed.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Mm-hm. - See you, Moz.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Ciao.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42- Hi.- Hola.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Hi, Moz.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45You OK, Tilly?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeah. Would you like to come over?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I've got some great ideas for your apartment.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53And I've got some crushed velvet that is going to make you swoon.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Crushed velvet will do that to me.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I've seen a lot of death, working at various undertakers.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16In the end, I suppose it stopped being a problem
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and started being a...perk.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Sorry.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24But I never thought I'd actually kill someone. Did you?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I never thought I'd actually kill someone.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28(KNOCK AT DOOR)
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Hello, Cartoon Head. How are you?
0:16:43 > 0:16:44I can tell you're angry.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47You've got that look on your face.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Look, we had some good times together.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure we did.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00So can't we just go our separate ways?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I'll...I'll bring the baby up on my own.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04CH.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07CH.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09(CHOKES)
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Leave her alone!
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Teamwork.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31I can't believe this place.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It's not exactly how I want it,
0:17:40 > 0:17:43but I'm thinking about some faux elephant-hide wallpaper.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46It's amazing.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49You've managed to erase almost all traces of Salford.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Have you ever tried durian juice?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Not knowingly.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Or willingly.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I think you're going to love it.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Why don't you put on some music?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Okey-doke.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Where's your stereo?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08It's an MP3 player in a dock by the swatches.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Find anything you like?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Er...just this. - I'll trade you.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Oh.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31That's...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- (HOARSELY) - That's right there, that is.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Not everything you hoped for?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Have you got anything to get rid of the taste? Beer?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Wine?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Water, at a push?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Try this.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Nature's Chalice... bulgur wheat beer.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Mmm.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00- Mmm!- Glad you like it.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I didn't want to poison you twice in one day.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08To think of all the hours I've wasted
0:19:08 > 0:19:10bad-mouthing bulgur wheat beer.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13You know, I think it's so important to keep trying new things, move forward.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16That's how we evolve. That's how the animals evolve.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I once saw a golden retriever driving an Audi.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- That's beautiful. - (PHONE RINGS)
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Excuse me.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31# ...And I always wanted
0:19:31 > 0:19:35# A life like this
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# And I always wanted
0:19:38 > 0:19:43# A life like this... # (MOBILE RINGS)
0:19:43 > 0:19:47# ...You went away for weeks... #
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Brian.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- 'Is everything all right?' - No. I'm waiting outside your flat,
0:19:52 > 0:19:53ready to start licking.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- 'Eh? Licking what?' - (SIGHS)
0:19:56 > 0:19:58The envelopes. Remember?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01The envelope licking and sealing job I got you?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Where the hell are you? I said eightish.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05It's now well past quarter-pastish.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Soz, Brian. Are you going to report this, as me line manager?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Oh... Hang on - I'm just going to have to put you on hold.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14(BEEP) Kev, hi-hi.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Did he?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Did he? (CHUCKLES)
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Shall we pop him inside, then?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Stop him!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Sorry.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45That got the baby kicking.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- I am dead disappointed, Brian. - (BRIAN SIGHS)
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Obviously, I meant £100 for a thousand letters.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Well, I thought it were the other way round.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04What? Who would pay you a grand to lick 100 envelopes?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06I mean, that's £10 a lick.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I happen to value my spit very highly.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12If I were a Japanese schoolgirl, £10 would be a bargain.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Me tongue's drier than a muesli martini.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I've been doing it for months.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Saving me pennies for a new penis.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Seriously?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Papa's got a brand new knob?
0:22:25 > 0:22:31I'm going to have two. One for casual, and one for best.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Why do folk keep bringing that round here?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I can't believe you bought another man's todger!
0:22:37 > 0:22:42I mean, is it seriously possible to attach an extra...team member?
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Oh, yeah!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Just five hours in surgery and you can face the world with confidence.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Jesus, Brian.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I don't know how you can be so casual about going under t'knife.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54I needed counselling after me flu jab.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Hmm, I suppose I think of it as like... getting myself a new app.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- You are going to be seriously tooled up.- Yeah.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06And when we've finished this lot, I've got enough cash for the operation.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09I'm not sure I can go on.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Oh, I've just thought - I've got something that can help us.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20- Look.- Oh, no!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Psycho Paul threw it in for free.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Now, this is going to cut our work in half.
0:23:48 > 0:23:53Wait. Before we tidy him away, I want to look at his real face.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- Are you sure?- Yes.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58He won't be pretty.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01He happens to be a very attractive man.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05The problem is the mask is completely glued on, so...
0:24:07 > 0:24:08You must've loosened it.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- (GASPS) - That's not him!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Not who?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20That's not Cartoon Head.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- What do you mean? - I've seen a photo of Cartoon Head.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26That's not him.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Look. There's no tattoo. That's not CH!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41They've pruned his tongue.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Shit! Sorry.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Shit! Sorry.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- But...but what does it mean? - It means that...
0:24:49 > 0:24:51It means that...
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Cartoon Head has tricked us.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Oh, hi, CH.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02We were just talking about you. Sorry.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I don't know who that is.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07He was pretending to be you,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09so we, um, we killed him. Sorry.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Um...I thought it's what you would have done.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28I'm Jake.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Not for much longer.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Jake!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Please don't hurt him.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Thank you. Sorry.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Right. I'll pop round with your wages later in t'week.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Ooh, do you know, I cannot wait to get in that operating theatre.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Well, break a leg, or whatever it is you say to somebody
0:26:14 > 0:26:17who's about to go through what you're about to go through.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Keep your pecker up? - (HUMOURLESS LAUGH)
0:26:20 > 0:26:24I promise you'll be the first person I show them to.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Feel free to break that promise.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Right, I'm just going to pop these in my Punto, then I'll be back up for my knob.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- Unless you want to give us a hand? - You're all right. You can manage it.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Oh, no. No, take it. It's too heavy. Take it off.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Come on - take it off. - Oh, don't be so soft.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39No, come on. I can't see where I'm... Oh!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46(CRASH)
0:26:46 > 0:26:48(WOMAN SCREAMS)
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Me knob!
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- You all right there, mateys? - Yeah, yeah, we're fine. You?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56No harm done.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00I think I have stepped in something...human?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Oh, brill(!)
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Oh, well, thanks to you,
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I'm now condemned to live a life with one penis!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Yeah, well, welcome to my world.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- I've got a job lined up, kiddo. - You'll get nicked.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Guess who's the latest celebrity!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- Moz in?- No!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I wouldn't dump you - I love you, you fucking simpleton!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28I think someone's been bitten by the Pinocchio vampire.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34The sooner I can get your sperm, the better.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I fancy you.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40I go mental, waving a replica gun around.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42They pee their pants and do as they're told.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I'm going to be a lap dancer.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:08 > 0:28:10E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk