0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:05I reckon another hour
0:00:05 > 0:00:07and we'll be able to say we've officially moved in.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12I don't think Sanjeev's gonna be much help with the heavy lifting.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Hey, let's get the bed made up, then.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I want to make love to you so badly.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Hmm. Why break the habit of a lifetime?
0:00:20 > 0:00:23What are you saying? I'm no good in bed?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Not "no good", no.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30It's just that, well, you know, you can be a bit predictable.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33What do you want? A shag, or Tales Of The Unexpected?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36- It's nothing to worry about. - I'm not worried.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39It's not as if Moz is a better lover than me, is it?
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Is it?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Don't compare yourself to Moz.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47I'm not.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50But...are you comparing me to Moz?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- No. - Good.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59But if you were comparing me to Moz, would he be better in bed than me?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01It's not about one person being better than another.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04It's about how sensitive you are to each other's needs.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Is he more sensitive to your needs than me, yes or no?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- Yes. - Is he better in bed than me?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09- Yes. - Fine.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- It's nothing to worry about. - I'm not worried.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14I don't begrudge Moz his...
0:01:14 > 0:01:19his crown. I'm quite content with second place.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Probably more like fourth.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25I was joking, obviously.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- You still looking for a full-time job?- Yeah.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I'm looking on a part-time basis.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Hey, have you thought about probation?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00I prefer to leave that to the experts.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- Hi. - Guess who's the latest celebrity?
0:02:04 > 0:02:09Er, a reanimated corpse with Jordan's body and Honey Monster's head?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12No, me! Remember the other day,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15down the Arndale, when those people took our photos?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17OK, yeah?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Well, I've just been down their offices,
0:02:19 > 0:02:24and they're using me for their latest campaign!
0:02:24 > 0:02:29I'm gonna get pasted in every bus shelter in Manchester.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Wow! You look hot.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37"I can ring people with it."
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- That is genius. - Certainly cuts to the chase.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46They gave me five posters and two hands-free sets. Here, try one.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Great. And how much are they paying you?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Er, five posters and two hands-free sets.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56What?!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59If they're using your face, they have to pay you.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Otherwise it's image burglary, or grand theft...
0:03:02 > 0:03:03face.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Please tell me you didn't sign a contract?
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Course not. I'm not a moron. All I signed was a waiver.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16JENNY HUMS AND GIGGLES
0:03:16 > 0:03:21What I'm saying is, all men can't be Morse.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24By definition, some of us have got be Lewises.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29And I don't mind admitting I'm one of life's Lewises.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30I wouldn't go to bed with Lewis.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I wouldn't go to bed with Morse, either.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35All right, well,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39pick a TV cop who you think I'd be about the same level as in bed.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I don't know, Deputy Dawg?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44PHONE RINGS
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Hiya, Mum. We're just moving in.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50It really feels like a proper fresh start.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55When?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Well, is it...?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02OK. Are you there now?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Right. I'll come straight over.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Love you. Bye.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14That was my mum.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Dad's had a heart attack.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18What, a real one?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Yes, a real one!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22He was playing rugby on the Wii.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Mum thought he was faking it at first cos she was winning.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Her and Jess are at the hospital now.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I'm gonna get the next train to Cardiff.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Should I take Sanjeev with me or should I leave him here with you?
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Best take him. I can't be pushing his buggy around on the beat any more.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43It's starting to undermine my authority.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Hey, now Jenny's a celebrity,
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- do you think she's going to dump you?- No.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Hmm. She might. I'd dump you.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Would you? Bless you for that.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Hmm. I think she's gonna dump you.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05What sort of thing is that to say?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07You're always telling me Carmel's gonna dump me.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- Well, she is. - She isn't.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Believe me, eventually, she will.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15She's too good for you and you know it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I don't know anything of the sort.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20And I'd never have said Jenny was too good for you. Until now.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Cos now, her poster's gonna be everywhere.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27She's going to be getting invited to VIP parties and club openings.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30And you're just going to be holding her back,
0:05:30 > 0:05:34so she's going to cut you loose and go off shagging Second Division footballers.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Oh, really?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Well, do you know what I reckon?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41One day you're going to come back home
0:05:41 > 0:05:45and all of Carmel's stuff will be gone and so will she.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49And there'll be no last goodbye, no farewell note.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Not even a cock and balls drawn on the mirror with her lipstick.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55It'll just be you. And your probation.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Staring into the howling void.
0:06:18 > 0:06:23Moz is right. I should never have given my face for free.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26We are so skint right now.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I can't even afford to go shoplifting.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33You should use your celebrity status.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Have you thought about lap dancing?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37They're looking for new girls at Sexarama.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39The money can be pretty good.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Me? No. Do you think?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Sure. You would be amazing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48You love dancing, right?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I'm all about the dancing, me.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Well, it's just dancing.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55But more sexual. And almost naked.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58I'll do it.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Moz, I'm gonna be a lap dancer.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- What you on about? - Lap dancer.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11It is what it is in the tin.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13What?! Hang on there, Chav de Jour,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17- don't you think we should discuss this?- Nope.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Jenny, I'm not happy about you doing this.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Well, you'll have to be happy about being unhappy about me doing it.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26What?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I'm happy about being unhappy about Carmel doing it.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Can't you just support me with my career move?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Wiggling your arse isn't a career move!- It is!
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Seriously, Moz, Jenny could be earning big money.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Big's my favourite kind of money.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44But...
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Look, we can't live off your savings forever.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Because you haven't got any.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51What about the dole?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54The most precious gift a woman can receive.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I've made up me mind, Moz.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Jenny, you're talking about grinding round in front of total strangers,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02naked except for a couple of tassels.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Moz, we're talking about lap dancing. You make it sound sordid.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Well, if you're not gonna get a job,
0:08:08 > 0:08:11it looks like it's up to me to bring home the Frazzles.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I'll find a job! Give me time.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Rome wasn't built in Dubai.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20You know what? We're gonna let you talk this over.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Thank you. - No, you can stay.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25There's nothing to talk over.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Oh, OK.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I'll skin one up.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Change of plan.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Phone me.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37You're not gonna stand in-between me and people's laps.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Jenny, I can't stop you becoming a lap dancer. All I'm saying is I...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- ..wish I could stop you. - You're just being a prune.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48You mean a prude?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I'm not prudish. Or prune-ish.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54How would you feel if I started
0:08:54 > 0:08:57lap dancing and wiggling me crotch in folk's faces?
0:08:59 > 0:09:04What? You mean, we work as a team? That's a great idea.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07No!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08I've had enough.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21He just doesn't get it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23She just doesn't get it.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30PHONE RINGS
0:09:40 > 0:09:41'Hi, our kid. How's it hanging?'
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Loose and liquid, ta.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44What do you want?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47'You interested in making some big money?'
0:09:47 > 0:09:48No, I'm not.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52So, is this it, then? Is it over?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I'm not interested.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56'You seriously don't want to hear the plan, bro?'
0:09:56 > 0:09:58No.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00'So, you're gonna watch me get rich while you stay poor?'
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Yeah.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Are you dumping us?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- 'Really?' - Yes, end of conversation!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35# I know
0:10:37 > 0:10:40# That you know
0:10:41 > 0:10:45# That we know
0:10:45 > 0:10:48# What's best for you
0:10:49 > 0:10:50# You know
0:10:50 > 0:10:53# We can make all
0:10:54 > 0:10:58# Those big decisions
0:10:59 > 0:11:03# We have experience
0:11:04 > 0:11:08# In these things, you know
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# You know... #
0:11:25 > 0:11:27All right, Tilly. Need a hand?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Hiya, Moz. It's good to see you.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Are you busy? - Me? I'm always busy.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Cos let's face it, money is time.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39OK. Do you have five minutes? Cos there's something I'm dying to share with you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Well, die no longer. I were built to share.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Great. You like Rooibos tea, right?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47"Like" doesn't even begin to cover it.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50First he says he respects you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Then he doesn't want you to be a lap dancer.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Is he on a poster? I don't think so.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01I'm the one who's on the poster.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06I'm the one who has to cope with the pressures of fame.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Who needs men anyway?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Me, me, me. - I don't.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13And you don't, do you, Colin?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- I... I'm on probation. - Yeah.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21- All men are bastards. - Oh, if only that were true.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- Colin, drink. - What? Why?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Help you to forget.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28I haven't got anything that I need to forget.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31How do you know till you try?
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- What do you think?- Breathtaking.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48It's very, er, messy.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51It's for a collection I'm doing called Subversive Stains.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55I've printed the puke stain on it, then attached pieces of glazed carrot.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Don't you love it?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Yeah, I love it. - I'm thinking sixty pounds.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Of carrots? - Sixty pounds sterling.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Would you pay £60 for this shirt?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Erm...
0:13:07 > 0:13:11I do them also in sweat
0:13:11 > 0:13:13and blood.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Do you have anything in jizz?
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Oh, my God, that is such a good idea! That is such a good idea!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Oh, my gosh! I'm gonna need some sperm to work with.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Well, I've always got plenty going begging.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33If you wouldn't mind?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- If I wouldn't mind what? - Helping me out.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Yeah, course. I'd love to.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40The sooner I can get your sperm, the better.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Right. Yeah, right.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45What are you going to do with it, precisely?
0:13:45 > 0:13:46I'm going to scan it.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Scan it? Are you a robot?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I'm going to scan it with my scanner.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Are you a robot?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55I'm going to take your sperm,
0:13:55 > 0:13:58put it in my laptop then play around with it.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Right.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04And can I...can I watch you do it?
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Yeah. We could partner up.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Split the profits from your idea 50-50.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13And... And I will give you blood, sweat and puke in extra large.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15It's going to be legendary.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Damn straight.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Thank you.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28How about breast milk?
0:14:28 > 0:14:29No, I'm fine, thanks.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Thanks for signing it for us.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Ah, that's OK.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I don't want to see that on eBay.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55In seriously, Jenny, I think Moz is gonna come crawling back to you.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56I don't want him back.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Still, you must like the sound of him crawling.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Oh, hi, hi. - All right, Lewis.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- Moz in? - NO!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Adios.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Oh, hey, remember,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- all men are bastards. - Got you.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Oi, don't be the cheeky one, huh?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I'm sorry for shouting at you.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Fancy a vodka?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I'm still on duty, so...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35yeah, that'd be great.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38The important thing is you've got your own coping mechanism,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42and you are looking F-A-B.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Thanks, Brian.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49See you, Bri.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Moz just doesn't understand me.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57What's not to understand?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09What...? What you doing?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I'm sticking my tongue...
0:16:12 > 0:16:14down your throat.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Don't you like it?
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Er, yeah, it's nice enough. But what about Moz?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23It's over.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25He dumped me.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Di...? Did he?! God. - Yeah.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35So I'm free to stick my tongue...
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- ...down anyone I fancy. - Oh.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41And right now...
0:16:44 > 0:16:46...I fancy you.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49# Embrace me
0:16:49 > 0:16:51# Release me
0:16:51 > 0:16:53# Embrace me
0:16:53 > 0:16:55# Release me
0:16:55 > 0:16:58# Deny me, then feed me
0:16:59 > 0:17:02# Deny me, then feed me
0:17:02 > 0:17:06# I love you, then lose you
0:17:06 > 0:17:10# I love you, then lose you
0:17:10 > 0:17:14# So distant, so near me
0:17:14 > 0:17:19# So distant, so near to me... #
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Honestly, Moz, your sperm idea really has legs.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32It's the liquid of the future.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- You can use this film canister. - That's very kind of you.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Do you think I could get your load tomorrow night?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Yeah, sure. What should I come over?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Er, what time should I come over?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Between six and nine?- Perfect.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Jen...
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Who would you say were best in bed? Me or Moz?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It's not really about who's better.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04It's just different.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10It's like fish and chips and...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13bangers and mash.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Am I bangers and mash?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18No...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21You're fish and chips.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23HE MOUTHS
0:18:23 > 0:18:25JENNY SOBS
0:18:47 > 0:18:49All right, kiddo.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Ah, if it isn't the original Subversive Stain himself.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- Have you got a minute? - Nope.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Son...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Can't you spare your own dad just 10 minutes?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- HE SIGHS - Go on, then.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10But I reserve the right to tut, heckle and throw stuff.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Is Carol not in?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21She's at her Bodypopping for the Blind class.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- Are they shopsoiled? - Yeah.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Got anything that'd suit me?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I'm working on it.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Look, how long's this gonna take?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I want to get back before Jenny does anything idiotic.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37I've got a job lined up, kiddo.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43And I'm guessing it's not the sort of work you pick up down the JobCentre?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Take an hour, worth about 30 grand.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- You'll get nicked. - I won't.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- You will. - I won't. I've got it all sorted.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You. Will. Get. Nicked.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54When have I ever been nicked?
0:19:54 > 0:19:58You've been nicked and sent down for every single job you ever pulled!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01You've spent half your life in prison!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You've got a Strangeways loyalty card!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Hear me out, kiddo.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08This plan is so simple it's stupid.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I've heard the stupid plans are usually the most successful.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15And I've even got some extra brains on board.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16All right, our kid.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Oh, please forgive me.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I didn't realise I was sitting in the presence of two criminal masterminds.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Look at you. The Riddler and The Penguin.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Are you all right?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I'm all right now.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Jen, I...I don't know what to say.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I hope you don't think I've taken advantage of you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Will you shag us again?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Oh.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Is that...? Is that what you want?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Yeah, definitely.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Right.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Well...
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Er, go on, then.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24SHE SOBS
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Don't let me sobbing put you off.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34See that warehouse? Anderton Cold Storage Ltd.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Here they come.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Two big lorries, stuffed wi' frozen sides of beef.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Two drivers and one warehouse guy doing the unloading.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50The same thing will happen at seven tomorrow evening.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Only tomorrow, we roll up.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56I go mental, waving a replica gun around.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58They pee their pants and do as they're told.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01No-one's gonna be a hero over frozen cows.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Then we just drive off with the meat.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07You two "just drive off"
0:22:07 > 0:22:09with a pair of articulated lorries?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12This isn't Smokey And The Bandit.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13You can't even drive!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16There's always a first time.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19And where you planning to take your big new lorries?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21The Mexican border?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Legoland?
0:22:22 > 0:22:26A mate of mine, Dribbly Bob, he's always after stolen meat.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29He's a food buyer for a big cruise liner.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I've already agreed a price. But I need your help.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I'm not doing it.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I'm not handling stolen bovine.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40All we need you to do is act as a lookout.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Forget it.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44While we're busy down there,
0:22:44 > 0:22:48all's you've got to do is sit by this window and watch the yard gates.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52And if you see anything suspicious, phone me on me mobile.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55It's not asking much. I mean, I've got to turn up and go mental.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Yeah, but you've been in training for years for that.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01I'm sorry, but it's out of the question.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Now, if you'll excuse me gentlemen, I shall bid you fuck off.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Your cut'd be ten grand.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Ten grand?- And there'd be nothing to link you to the job.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25You don't even have to use your own phone.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26I bought a new one especially.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Think of it.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30You sit here staring out of a window for an hour,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32and afterwards you're ten grand better off!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35You'd have to be a nut-job to turn that down.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Shit.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Where's me better judgement when I need it?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53POLICE RADIO: K-23. Come in, K-23.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Riot in progress on Begley Street.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, it's a bit late.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Possible fatalities...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh, I'm not in the mood.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55What do you want?
0:24:55 > 0:25:00Wh... I was just trying to help make you cosy.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04After the way you've behaved, how could I ever be cosy again?
0:25:04 > 0:25:05What?
0:25:05 > 0:25:10- What you on about? I love you. - You don't love me.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11You dumped me.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- I didn't. - You did.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- I didn't dump you. - Yes, you did.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- I never. - Did!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I didn't dump you! I wouldn't dump you!
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I love you, you fucking simpleton!
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Jen, what is this?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I said, "Are you dumping us?" and you said, "Yeah."
0:25:30 > 0:25:32What...?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35When?! I have no recollection of this.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- That's very convenient. - How is it convenient?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41When was this supposed to have happened?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Just before you left. I said, "Are you dumping us?"
0:25:44 > 0:25:47and you said, "Yeah. End of conversation."
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Shit! I was talkin' to our kid on the phone. On me hands-free.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55It's just lie after lie.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59I think someone's been bitten by the Pinocchio vampire.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Look, I admit I was angry about the lap dancing, OK?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07But I've thought about it, and...
0:26:09 > 0:26:11It's up to you, Jen.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Really?
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Really.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24However, I feel I should point out
0:26:24 > 0:26:27that we're not as desperate for dosh as we might've thought.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I've just heard that I might be...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32inheriting quite a few grand.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Wow!
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Great. - And Jenny, I promise
0:26:40 > 0:26:44you will never understand just how happy I am that I found you.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49And now that I've found you, I'm never letting you go.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Mmm, vodka lips. What you been up to?
0:26:56 > 0:26:59You've only been gone a couple of hours.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00What could I have gotten up to?
0:27:12 > 0:27:14She's the one...
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Who's up for a robbery?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22This is going to blow your brains out.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Hi, hi.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26It's pretty fucking real.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Did you shag PC Plonker, yes or no? - Yes.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I'll do that thing for you that you like me doing.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37This is the last stupid thing I will ever do.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk