0:00:02 > 0:00:03This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:04Hi there, neighbour.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Why is it some days all the folk you see out on t' street are so ugly?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I've been walking in a winter munterland.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13You and your stylist must've been mortified.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16So it's all change, eh?
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- What's all change? - You and Jenny.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Me and Jenny aren't all change.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24What, even though you've dumped her?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26I haven't dumped her.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28You did, you dumped her last night.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29I didn't dump her.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32You did. She told me you dumped her.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Moz is dead to me now.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I just want you...
0:00:38 > 0:00:41to poke my brains out.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Roger that. (SHE GIGGLES)
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I didn't dump her. It were a misunderstanding.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51She only thought that I'd dumped her. It's all sorted now.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Me and Jenny are as solid as a weight of rocky.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55But...
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Oh.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Are you welling up?
0:01:01 > 0:01:02No.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Right. Cos what I thought would be really good is...
0:01:07 > 0:01:08You are welling up.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Allergies.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16- Since when did you have allergies? - Oh, I've got lots of allergies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Such as?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Wheat...
0:01:20 > 0:01:23s-s-spiders.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26So, potentially, a tarantula sandwich could kill you?
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Or a...baguette that spins webs.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Hey, just think. Living right next door to each other
0:01:33 > 0:01:34is gonna be great, innit?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37See you, Gwyneth.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43(STIFLES A SOB)
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Hi-hi.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Ah, Cadfael and Son.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05This is Brother Ben.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09This has got to be fancy dress.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14Mine is. He's genuine monk. I'm just keeping him company.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I'n't he scrummy?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Are you allowed to have...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21bum sex?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Today's Church has really broadened out.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I bet it's not the only one. Come in.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Ooh, I think I left my hat here... Oh, here we are.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39So...all change, then.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Eh? - You and Jenny. All change.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Me and Jenny are all the same.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49Well...she said you'd dumped her, from a great height,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51then you'd laughed and laughed.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53That were all a misunderstanding.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Look, Jen's the best thing that's come into my life since...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59that Predator box set.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I saw what she were like.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Very flirtatious.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Well, she were wasting her time wi' you, weren't she?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Like flirting with a cactus.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- There were others here. - Who?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I've said too much. I should go.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Hey! Don't get all Bette Davis on me arse!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Brian, are you being serious, or are you just stirring?
0:03:19 > 0:03:20If you stir for long enough,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23summat'll always float to t' surface.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Has he taken a vow of silence?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30No, he's just in a bit of a mood.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33All right, go on, then. Who was here?
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Clooney? Pitt?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Winton?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Colin, Carmel and Gene Hunt from next door.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Oh, well, that's all right, then. There you go. For a minute I...
0:03:42 > 0:03:44(KNOCK AT DOOR)
0:03:50 > 0:03:51All right, Colin?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Yeah. So...it's all change, then?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57No! It's not all change!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Oooh. Soz. Just thought you'd chucked Jenny.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05I'll chuck you downstairs if you don't shut your spud grinder!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07We'd best be off.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Don't do anyone I wouldn't do. - Farewell, Saint Brian.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Come on.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Monks!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29(PIPE GURGLES)
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Perhaps you could tell me what happened last night.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Well, we had about five or seven vodkas.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Then Jen did a lecture about how men, in general, are bastards,
0:04:42 > 0:04:46and how you, specifically, are a big bastard.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- She didn't mean it. - She sounded like she meant it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54She didn't. She...temporarily believed we didn't have a future,
0:04:54 > 0:04:56but that's all in t' past.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you saw anything...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01untoward.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Untoward what?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Do you think Jenny and PC... - (LIGHTER CLICKS)
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- you know... - (PIPE GURGLES)
0:05:09 > 0:05:11did the Funky Gibbon?
0:05:11 > 0:05:12What?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Oh, bloody hell!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Oh, no... I dunno. I mean...
0:05:18 > 0:05:21all I can say for sure is that they didn't have a shag
0:05:21 > 0:05:22whilst I was in the room.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I'm not suggesting they put on a bloody floor show for you!
0:05:25 > 0:05:29All right, soz. Listen, I'll go for a slash.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32(SIGHS) (FRONT DOOR OPENS)
0:05:32 > 0:05:34(DOOR CLOSES)
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Hiya, Moz.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42You all right? I'm all right.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I'm not sure.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47What's the matter?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51What happened last night, Jen, when I was out?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Last night?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Brian seemed to be suggesting...
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Well, what I mean is, he was under the impression that...
0:06:03 > 0:06:06that he thought there was a possibility...
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Did you shag PC Plonker? Yes or no?
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I mean no!
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Shit.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19I said yes first, didn't I?
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Yes.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I thought you loved me.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I do love you...
0:06:30 > 0:06:32again...now. But...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35last night I thought you'd dumped us.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And it upset you so much that, within minutes, you slept with someone else?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I was trying to keep a positive attitude.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It wasn't his fault.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I had to talk him into it.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I can't begin to tell you just how much better that makes me feel(!)
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Don't get sad.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56You've slept with two other men this week.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59It's not the most uplifting news.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Moz, they were...
0:07:00 > 0:07:03misunderstanding shags.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04"Misunderstanding shags"?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Yeah. The first one that I slept with was because
0:07:07 > 0:07:08I thought it was you.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14And then the second one was because I thought you'd finished with us.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17And what's your excuse gonna be for the next one?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- "I thought he were a ghost"? - Will you stop picking on me now?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I've just bought you some special gingerbread.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I've got a good mind not to give it to you now.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I couldn't care less about bloody gingerbread!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35(FRONT DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- (TOILET FLUSHES) - Er...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Did I hear Jen's voice? - Yeah. She's just...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46gone out again.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Oh. Hey! Right, now,
0:07:48 > 0:07:49check these out.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Gingerbread love hearts.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Loads of different messages, all of them sincere. Two for a fiver!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Five for a two-er?
0:08:06 > 0:08:10'And now we can use our eight slices of pepper as the spider's legs,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12'because spiders have eight legs.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13'Count with me.'
0:08:14 > 0:08:18'One, two,
0:08:18 > 0:08:23'three, four.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25'And on this side...'
0:09:14 > 0:09:15(PHONE BUTTONS BEEP)
0:09:18 > 0:09:19All right, Nicki?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22It's me and Cartoon Head. We're outside.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23'Outside where?'
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Outside the flat.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30You said to come round at ten past five.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33'I said to come round at five past ten.'
0:09:37 > 0:09:40So...you're not gonna let us in, then?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43'I'm not there. I'm still on the train from Cardiff.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45'Come back later, when I told you.'
0:09:45 > 0:09:47(LINE GOES DEAD)
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Right, then.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54We'll come back at five past ten.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58And you'd better be in.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01You dizzy bitch!
0:10:01 > 0:10:02(BEEP)
0:10:03 > 0:10:05That told her.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Come on.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Tania.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Psycho Paul.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I'll be down in a minute, CH.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I want us back together again.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46No.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50I love you.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Please.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- No.- Please.
0:10:58 > 0:11:03I'll, er... I'll do that thing for you that you like me doing.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04I've gone off it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I just want everything back how it was.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It's too late for that, Tania.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I've...
0:11:18 > 0:11:20...met somebody else.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21(WHIMPERS)
0:11:26 > 0:11:27It's Bev, innit?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- You got off with Bev, didn't you? - No.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Is it Martine?- No. Look...
0:11:32 > 0:11:34It's German Barbara.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Eeeuw! It's not German Barbara.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Of course. It's Amanda with the weird eyes!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I saw her looking at you in a funny way.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45No!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47It doesn't matter who it is.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52What matters is that you and me are finished.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59But we could go to Relate.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Psycho Paul doesn't do Relate.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14You're the only man that I've ever really loved.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Cheers.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23Me and CH have got to go to Cheetham Hill to pick up three lungs.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30See you, Tania.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57All right, son? Are you still up for Grand Theft Heifer?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- What?- The Great Beef Robbery.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Come on, kiddo, our Troy's getting psyched up.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- (SIGHS) - I wouldn't want to miss that(!)
0:13:06 > 0:13:07# When will
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# I learn
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# To survive...? #
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- (GUN CLICKS) - Who's up for a robbery?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Me, that's who! Me with a gun!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31I want you to use this mobile.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Then afterwards, we can throw it away.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Now, are you clear on your part of the operation?
0:13:36 > 0:13:37(CLICKS HEELS)
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- Yes, sir. All clear, sir. - All right, clever Dick, tell me.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49You are going to that warehouse down there
0:13:49 > 0:13:53to steal two trucks of frozen beef with Lord Voldemort.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Meanwhile, I'll keep in constant touch,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57via this moby,
0:13:57 > 0:14:02and keep watch through these binoculars, or lookie-throughs.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06You let us know if you see anything suspish, yeah?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Right, let's synchronise watches.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10BOTH: I'm not wearing a watch.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12What? How come?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14BOTH: Don't need one.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16You don't need one?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I've raised a right pair of wasters, haven't I?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21You didn't raise us. You walked out on us.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- Mum raised us.- Yeah.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27We got by on our own, without dads or watches.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Well, there's no point me synchronising me own watch.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33You could synchronise with t' microwave.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Should I just tell you what time it is now?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38If you want. Won't mean anything to me, like.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- It's nearly ten past six. - I'm all right with that if you are.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46OK. Well, wish us luck, kiddo.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Luck? We don't need luck.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I think you do. Good luck.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I'll phone you when we're in position.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59(PHONE RINGS)
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- Hello? - 'All right, kiddo?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04'We're just outside the yard. What can you see?'
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Nothing. I'm holding the phone
0:15:06 > 0:15:10and I need both hands to lift up your massive binoculars.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12'What? You didn't bring your hands-free set?'
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- No.- 'Oh, for God's sake, Moz!'
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Oh, pardon me for not being an 'ardened criminal!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Hang on!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26They're coming! Get inside!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30This is the last stupid thing I will ever do.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34'Get down, now! This replica gun ain't just a replica, you know!'
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Oh, very smart(!) - (PHONE CLATTERS)
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Shit!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Where's the bloody battery?!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I do not need a high Krypton Factor right now!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55"PIN". What PIN?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I have no PIN!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08They've gone.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11They've gone! Is...?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Is that good?
0:16:19 > 0:16:20(RINGING)
0:16:20 > 0:16:22(BEEP)
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- Troy. Where are you? - 'We're in the lorries, bro!'
0:16:24 > 0:16:26'We did it! We fuckin' did it!'
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- 'This drivin' lark's a piece of piss!' - (YELP)
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'Oh, just hit another dog. Better go.'
0:16:45 > 0:16:48You all right, Tilly? How's the shop?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Sold many stains today?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I did, I sold a pair of white jeans with an incontinence print.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54They do sound like a must-have.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Yeah.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- You like drugs, right? - Oh, yeah.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01To be honest, reality just doesn't hold my attention.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Great. Cos I have something to show you.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- What's that? - N-Kroach. It's a legal high.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Don't waste your time.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Legal highs never work. It's an impossibility.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19It's like trying to have platonic sex.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21This works on me. It's a hallucinogen,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24but the effects only last a few minutes.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Just what we need - blink-and-you'll-miss-it drugs(!)
0:17:26 > 0:17:29This is pretty potent stuff.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It's made from powdered Amazonian cockroach abdomen.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36I've tried loads of legal highs, and none of them's had any effect.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I firmly believe, if you can't get arrested for it,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40you should leave it well alone.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42This stuff is going to blow your brains out.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Yeah, well, I confidently predict
0:17:45 > 0:17:48my brains are going to stay tucked inside my skull.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- (SLURRED AND ECHOEY) - I think I might be getting something off this.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11See, Mr Smoked It All Before?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13(MOZ SNEEZES)
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Let's not split up the old gang.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Moz!
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Moz!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Moz! Yeah?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46(GRUNTS)
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Oh. Oh, God! Soz.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I'm impressed.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55What? That you can almost fit a whole conch shell in your mouth?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58No, with...what's it's name...
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Ben-Dover?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02N-Kroach. I told you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Who'd have thought you could have so much fun with roach abdomen?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Oh, did you remember to do that thing for me?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11What thing?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15You were gonna give me a sperm sample for my Subversive Stain project.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Oh, yeah. Soz, Tilly, it went completely out of my mind.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Bit like I just did there.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23If you'd rather not...
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- No, I'd love to.- You sure?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27I never pull out.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29OK. You don't need me to help?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31No.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36OK, well, if you wanna slip into the bathroom and get to it,
0:19:36 > 0:19:38I'm gonna go check my e-mails.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46This is the last stupid thing I will ever do.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- (WHISPERS) - Come on. Don't just lie there.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Yes, kiddo!
0:20:15 > 0:20:16(DOOR OPENS)
0:20:18 > 0:20:19You in, Keith?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Yes, kitten. Troy's here as well.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh, hello, Troy. How are ya?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Gold top, ta, Carol.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29(WHISPERS) Not a word.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- What you up to, lads? - Nowt. Nowt.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37You having a beer?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I can smell beer.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Yeah. We're just having a few beers.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- What you celebrating?- We're not celebrating. We're just...
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- having a few beers. - I can smell champagne, as well.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Yeah. We're having a few beers and a few champagnes.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Why?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Er...I won a bit of money on the horses.
0:20:58 > 0:21:04Oh. Congratulations, Troy. How much did you win?
0:21:04 > 0:21:09- A few grand, as it goes, Carol. - Oh. Well done, Troy.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11What was the horse's name?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- The horse? - What was the horse's name, Troy?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19The horse's name...was...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26...Big Winner.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31That is a lucky name, is that. I can see why you betted on it now.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Here y'are. Let me pour you a glass of bubbly, kitten.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I can smell frozen beef, too.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46(MOANING)
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Ah! A-a-a-ah!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- (WHISPERS) - It's too thick.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10There you go. Nowt semi-skimmed about that.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- Wow! That's quite a lot. - I was only thinking of you.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20I mean...I was thinking you'd probably prefer a big load.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I-I-I mean a lot...
0:22:22 > 0:22:24more to work with.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27So you can predetermine how much you're going to produce?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yeah. Waste not, want not.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I'm impressed. Do you have a lower and an upper limit?
0:22:33 > 0:22:38- I... Yeah. Yeah.- Interesting. What's your upper limit?
0:22:42 > 0:22:43(ENTRY PHONE BUZZES)
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Excuse me.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48(BUZZING)
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- Warren!- Tilly, hi.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Oh, and you're wearing one of my Subversive Stains.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- I have had so many comments. - This is Moz. We're neighbours.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- We've met.- Oh!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06So do you know about his gallery - The Forever Machine?
0:23:06 > 0:23:07You have to come down, Moz.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09We're showing this exhibition by Clive Newman -
0:23:09 > 0:23:11the guy who cling-filmed a farm.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14And it looks like they're gonna let him put
0:23:14 > 0:23:15a 100ft yoghurt in Trafalgar Square.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20No other artist can make yoghurt speak the way he can.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22He sounds like a total talent.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, now he's produced this amazing exhibition
0:23:25 > 0:23:26of photographs of his camera.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28He hasn't!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- He has.- I've been eight times.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It'll really chime with you, Moz.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Are you sure? I'm not easily chimed.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36It's very evocative.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Evocative of what?
0:23:39 > 0:23:45Photographs, cameras, exhibitions, perception, imperfection.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Erection, ejection, collection? - Exactly.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51It's pretty fucking real.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Yeah, well, any man who can cling-film an entire farm
0:23:54 > 0:23:55can't be an idiot.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Let me know how you get on with t' primal cream.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Ah, thanks, Moz. I owe you one.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Oh, babes. Good night.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04See you down the exhibition.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07We can go to the cafe for a guarana-ccino.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I am so there, girlfriend.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20All right, Nicks? Been anywhere nice?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Cardiff. My dad had a heart attack.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Shit! Is he OK now?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28It was only a dinky one. He's coming out of hospital on Friday.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- It's what the nurses wanted.- Aw.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I'm really sorry to hear that.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Thanks.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Poor Mervyn.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41I'm surprised you can remember his name.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Yeah, course I do. He's a lovely bloke.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I mean, obviously, I can only understand
0:24:46 > 0:24:48about every fifth word he says,
0:24:48 > 0:24:51and he could do to comb the crisps out of his beard once in a while.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Coffee, biccy and a biftah?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09So where's Baby Sanjeev?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I've left him in Cardiff for a bit with my mum.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13That'll teach him.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Nice poster.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24So where exactly is the plodster?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Working nights at Manchester Airport.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Confiscating folk's toothpaste.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33So...
0:25:34 > 0:25:36...how are things between you two?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38What do you mean?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Well, are you...
0:25:41 > 0:25:42solid?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44How do you define "solid"?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Do we finish each other's sentences?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Am I wearing his underpants?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Can he remember my dad's name?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Is he faithful to you?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58If you can't trust a policeman...
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Are you sure?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Where's this going?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I don't ask if you and Jen are faithful to each other.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Are you trying to seduce me?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Definitely not.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25- (ECHOEY) - You've still got it, Nicki.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Whoa, flashback.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33What?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Flashback - the gift that keeps on giving.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I don't know about this.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I don't want anybody to get hurt.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Everybody's already hurt.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52This just makes us feel a bit better.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05JENNY: 'I do love you.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07'I thought it was you.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12'Misunderstanding shags. I thought you'd finished with us.'
0:27:19 > 0:27:23This is the last stupid thing I will ever do.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33The future of allotment is uncertain.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36We're going to play it cool on this one. There's no doing owt
0:27:36 > 0:27:39to draw attention to ourselves, all right?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Bad boys are so cute.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45They call me... Whyah!
0:27:45 > 0:27:46...the Love Ninja.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- So do you know who the Jonah was? - Bloke called Fist.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Gun crime's on the increase. You don't want to miss out.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- Somebody call an ambulance! - This is great.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01You're not going to rape me, are you?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Because that's just not my sort of thing.