0:00:02 > 0:00:05Wow, Moz, you are something pretty special.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Oh, my God, so are you, Kara.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12I'm so glad Brian introduced us.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Yeah, I know. I don't normally go in that bar.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17It must be destiny.
0:00:20 > 0:00:26This programme contains strong language
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Shagging you is like shagging a god.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Buddha?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38No. One of the fit gods.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42You all right, mate?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44All good, mate.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Here you are, get on that. It's just neat.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Nicely, nicely.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Anyone fancy cheese on toast?
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- You read me like a book. - Could you cut the crusts off mine, please, Paul?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03No problem, love.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Ooh, and me.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Tell you what. I'll cut the crust off the whole loaf.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Cheers, Paul. You're a mate.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15He's a good lad, isn't he?
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Then Paul Weller brings back the cheese on toast and we all tuck in.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27Right. Cos my perfect night in would be very different.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Yeah?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oh, yeah. I'd be in bed with Carmel.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35But I'd have Liam Gallagher round to make us some fish fingers.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37That's the same night!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39No. It's completely different.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42You're not there, Paul Weller's not there,
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Kara Tointon's not there - it's just me and Carmel.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47And Liam.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49And Liam's brought fish fingers.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52HE SLURPS
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Actually...thinking about it,
0:02:10 > 0:02:14the whole Moz-Weller-Tointon triangle ain't really me perfect night.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23It'd just be me and Jenny, having a bong, a laugh and a cuddle.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26That's not going to happen, though, is it? She dumped you.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Yeah, I know. But we could get back together.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Let's face it, it's more likely than the Modfather making us cheese on.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42- I love that woman.- I still can't believe Carmel's gone, either.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Me and her were a perfect match.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Everybody said so.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Did they? I didn't.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Yeah, but you thought it.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54No, I didn't.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56You did.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00We were a perfect match.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02How were you a perfect match?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Carmel's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Whereas you're just the Chuckle Brother that time forgot.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Looking back, maybe I didn't appreciate what I had.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I'm going home to try on my all new lingerie.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Do you want to come and watch?- Er...
0:03:18 > 0:03:20No, ta. I'm off to t'caff for a meat pie.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26And do you know, when I got down there,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29all the meat pies had sold out.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31You're breaking me heart here.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36But you see, that's where we're totally different.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I knew.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I knew exactly what I had when I had Jenny.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46I mean, course, everyone kept telling me she were a big imbecile.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Turns out she were totally on my level.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Maybe that's because you're an imbecile as well. Had you considered that?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I've never considered anything.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06GLASS SMASHES
0:04:09 > 0:04:11All right, kitten?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Oh, hello, love. The packing's pretty much finished.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Smashing.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Our own warden-assisted flat, eh? It's going be like living in a tiny palace.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25What's that I can smell? Kentucky Fried Chicken?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27No, it's mouse.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Oh, Keith, we haven't got any traps.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31No need.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36I've got him his own cage, with all the amenities - wheel, mirror,
0:04:36 > 0:04:37mild and mature Cheddar.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh! All right for some.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42This isn't any mouse, Carol.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Dodgy Darren got him from the university testing lab.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Well, I hope he isn't a smoker.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48No, he's growing me a new ear.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Won't you look a bit stupid with one normal ear and one mouse ear?
0:04:55 > 0:04:59No, Carol. He's growing me a human ear. He's not an idiot.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I'm going to call him...Bug-a-lugs.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Do you think he'd grow me a couple of eyes?
0:05:09 > 0:05:14In me soul, I know Jenny was the one.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17The one what?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22The one one,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25like Carmel's your one one.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Your only chance at true happiness.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Oi! I could still find true happiness. I'm on probation.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35Nah, mate. Your life's just peaked. Now it's...
0:05:35 > 0:05:37peeeow... BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I'm only telling you what you don't want to hear.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I know, so shut up!
0:05:51 > 0:05:52DOOR BUZZER
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Hello?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57'Hi, it's Brian.'
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Ah, Brian. I wasn't expecting you again.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02'Shall I just head on up?'
0:06:02 > 0:06:03OK, sure.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Hi, what a surprise.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Aren't I scrummy?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You bought another outfit. ..Listen, I'm very busy.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I could easily spend all me money down your shop.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23It'd be like when Pokemon first came out.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25What's this?!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Oh! Wow!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I love faggy stuff.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33It's designed as day wear for the Anti-Arcadia. I'm pleased with it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34You should be.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38It's for a new line I'm doing called Total Stub-mission.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Anyhoo, I'm trying to get it finished, so...
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'd love to watch you work.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Oh, no, no, no. I can't let people watch me work.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46I get distracted by their auras.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Time for a break, then. I'll stick t'kettle on.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Hey, you know what's coming up, don't you?- What?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Valentine's Day.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00It's the perfect excuse to launch an all-out assault on women.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Oh, yeah.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Don't you worry, I'll get her back. What's the alternative, eh?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Sitting round on me arse?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Fancy a pizza?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Ooh, yeah. I HAVE got a bit of a food horn on.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14How about that place over the road?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Mussolini's? I think they might be fascists.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22What? No... "Mussolini" is a common enough name in Italy.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26That's you showing your prejudice, you name Nazi.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Do you really think I could get Carmel back?
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Definitely.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33She's not shagging anyone else, is she?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Well, only in a professional capacity.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39You know, four or five blokes a day.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Well...
0:07:41 > 0:07:45I'm sure they haven't got anything that you haven't...
0:07:45 > 0:07:46already got.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29KNOCK ON DOOR
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Howdo, fella.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Ah, it's the thick blue line.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47You all right? I'm all right?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Jenny, what have you done? You're not...
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I am the law.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Jenny's working as a community police officer.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02I've been cautioning folk, I've been doing off-the-spot fines.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06And, erm, what's that one that you do with the handcuffs?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Arresting.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Yeah, I'm all about the arresting, me.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Good news.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14I'll just use your lavvy.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Careful with your water cannon.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Are you wearing glittery eye shadow?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23No.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I think your stuff is so fantastic.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Thank you, but I really oughta be...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Much better known. - Well, yeah. I guess.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44But I AM known, and the people who know me, know me a lot, so...
0:09:44 > 0:09:47But I think people should be forced to have heard of you.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I mean, I don't want to come across as sycophantic,
0:09:50 > 0:09:52cos I know you're totally amazing and you'd really hate that.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Yes, I am. And I would.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58This is difficult for me to say and I want you to take this as a friend.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Really? Wow!
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Oh!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Massive thankers.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Massive thankers. - Right back at you. Now I need to...
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Least I can do is make you another pot of tea.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I miss you so much.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30I don't want to talk about this while I'm on duty.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33God, I can't believe you've become a bloody hobby bobby!
0:10:33 > 0:10:37You were the one who stopped me from being a lap dancer.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Well, there are other careers!
0:10:38 > 0:10:43It ain't a binary thing - police woman OR lap dancer!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46You've gone straight from filth to filth!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48If you really love me, how come you're shouting at me?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Is it cos you're a miss-sausage-ist?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I'm not a miss-sausage-ist!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Jenny, I love you.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04And sausages.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I want you back.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Stop it, or I will arrest you.
0:11:07 > 0:11:13Look, Jenny, I want to give you something.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15I'd give it 50 minutes, if I were you.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22- I thought you said use it, not abuse it.- I'm only joking.
0:11:22 > 0:11:2535, tops. Hey, you'd best be going, you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Jen's going out solo tonight.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Last time, I mislaid me Tizer.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Taser.- Taser.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39At last, a real rain has come to wash the scum off the streets(!)
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Come on.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46But...
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- Sticky black. You'll easily sell it.- Yeah.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And when we sell it, it stays sold.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Great. Off you go, then.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29'Scuse, you got a light on you?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56See you around, yeah?
0:13:03 > 0:13:04KNOCK AT DOOR
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- Jess!- All right, sis?
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Come in.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Did you win Jenny back, then? - I tried.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26But she threatened to arrest me.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27I've been thinking,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31I need to recreate the circumstances of when we first got together.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33What were they, then?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36She'd drunk a bottle of vodka and I'd had ten bongs.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Still, who's to say it can't happen again, eh?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I knew it! They ARE fascists!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Look what they've done to our extra anchovies.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Bastards! I've good mind to throw this away.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Really?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54No.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Good.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58But it doesn't mean I've not got principles.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Just cos I'm prepared to eat an extremely salty swastika.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05KNOCK AT DOOR
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- Tania! You all right?- Moz...
0:14:10 > 0:14:11What's the matter?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- BREATHLESSLY:- I've been rob... - You've been robbed?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I've been...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20robbing.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22That makes far more sense.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27- There's this amazing shop opened called Bag Lady.- Ah!
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I tell you, their security guard's a right good runner.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33So glad I wore me flats.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38I thought shops kept these kind of bags chained up together like huskies.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43- Oxyacetylene. - Lateral thinking. Like it.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Oh well, you're safe now. Panic over.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Psycho Paul!
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Tania.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59I been sta-a-a-abbed!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11So, what brings you to Manchester? Lust for glory?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Mum was doing my head in.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Aw, Mum's lovely. It's not her fault she's in a wheelchair.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Now Mum's lovely. When you were living at home, she was "The Cardiff Davros".
0:15:20 > 0:15:26- So, you moving in with your fella? - Marek's gone back to Cyprus. His forged visa ran out.
0:15:26 > 0:15:32Aw, that's a shame. He seemed nice. Apart from y'know, his two...things.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I'll get a new bloke, easy.
0:15:34 > 0:15:40- But until then, I thought I could stay here...?- Oh. Did you?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Two weeks, max. I'll find someone with somewhere by then.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Saw a good-looking bloke on your landing. Dead lean. Nice eyes. Quite big ears.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Cartoon Head? - Didn't catch his name. Grey face?
0:15:52 > 0:15:58- You stay away from Cartoon Head. He's pure evil. - Ooh. Sounds like a laugh.
0:15:58 > 0:16:03All right, all right. OMFG, it's like living with Mum.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12- I'll phone an ambulance. - No. Ambulances are for poofs.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14No, you're thinking of Fiat Puntos.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24- Phone Rainbow.- Rainbow? - Good idea. She's a paramedic.
0:16:24 > 0:16:30She'll know what to do. Phone Rainbow and...I'll phone Jenny.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37DIALLING TONE
0:16:37 > 0:16:40- 'Hiya, Paul.'- It's Tania.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43'What?'
0:16:43 > 0:16:48Listen, Rainbow, you have to come to Moz's straight away, cos...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50cos Paul's been stabbed.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52'What? Did you do it?'
0:16:52 > 0:16:55No, I didn't do it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56- JENNY:- 'What d'you want, Moz?'
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Jenny, I want you to come over.
0:16:58 > 0:17:04'I can't. I'm providing a visible and reassuring presence on the street.'
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- What?- 'I'm havin' a walkabout.'
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Listen, there's been a crime you'll want to investigate.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13'Oooh! What kind of crime?'
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- A stabbing.- 'Ooh. Brilliant.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17'Should I bring me handcuffs?'
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Well, I'd like to think we could find a use for 'em.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22..Really?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25What an incredible story.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Cartoon Head just told me what kind of attack it was.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Do you want to tell him, or shall I?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35He were ginger knifed.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40That's today's weapon of choice? A knife for cutting up ginger?
0:17:40 > 0:17:45No! Paul and CH were coming out of Cod Amongst Men and they got jumped by two gingers.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50- Tandem random.- CH don't reckon it was random. He reckons it's...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54..the Red Mist.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58The Red Mist?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00That's a myth!
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Come on! A mutant gang of killer gingers living in the sewer?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Course it's a myth! - They don't live in the sewers, they live near Burnley.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Oh, they've come up in the world - just.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Look, I'm not sayin' that everything you hear about them is true,
0:18:15 > 0:18:19but the Red Mist do exist, and they are ginger.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23You can't be serious!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Ten year back, me and Tania watched them kill our Uncle Margaret.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36UNCLE Margaret?
0:18:36 > 0:18:40He were just one day away from finishing his sex change.
0:18:46 > 0:18:52- You're not going to die. - I never said I was.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I've heard you're seeing some new bloke.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Yeah. It's not that serious.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07He's not like you.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Nobody's like Psycho Paul.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I know.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17So, who you seeing, then?
0:19:19 > 0:19:20He's called Jason.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25He used to play mini-Moog in this band, The Silicone Valets.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Only, it's valets with a T.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31I've heard 'em.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34They're shit.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Are you and Rainbow still... ?- Yeah.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42She brings me mad love.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Ooh. Sounds nice.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46It is.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50INHALES SHARPLY
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Psycho Paul?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Are you OK?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Psycho Paul?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Psycho Paul...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- What have you done to him? - Nothing, I swear.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36If he dies because of you...
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Tania had nowt to do with it. She's been looking after Paul.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41It were Red Mist who knifed him.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Uncle Margaret!
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Red Mist? That's a myth. - Apparently not.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52A gang of ginger ghosts who live inside mirrors?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Course it's a myth.- Not everything you've heard about 'em's true.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Are you wearing glittery eye shadow?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02No! It's just a headache.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- Do you want a Bovril, Keith? - No, ta, kitten.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- How about a sweet Bovril? - Aye, go on. Why not?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I suppose I'd better feed our guest.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Oi!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Oi, you cheeky git!
0:21:25 > 0:21:29- Bug-a-lugs, come back! - There's no need to shout, Keith.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31He's got three ears.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- See you, Cartoon Head.- Bye, CH.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47If Paul dies,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I'll kill myself.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52He's not going to die. He's not worth killing yourself for.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Yeah, he is. He's well worth it. He's a...bargain.
0:21:58 > 0:22:04Look, sis...you're with Jason. Paul's with Rainbow. It's time to move on.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06You're right.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- I should kill Rainbow. - You tried that.
0:22:10 > 0:22:16You couldn't go through with it. You're too kind-hearted.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23The world doesn't deserve me.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Ooh.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Rainbow's through there, puttin' Humpty back together again.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Now, would you say the victim is...
0:22:42 > 0:22:44going to live,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46not live,
0:22:46 > 0:22:47don't know?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Live. But...
0:22:51 > 0:22:54I don't know.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Mm. I'll put, "Not live".
0:23:01 > 0:23:06Now, who do you think was responsible?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Person's unknown...
0:23:08 > 0:23:10or persons?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Cartoon Head said it were the Red Mist.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Red Mist? That's a myth.- No.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24A hairspray that turns you ginger? Course it's a myth.
0:23:24 > 0:23:30Not everything you hear is true. You want to get a bit of perspective.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Another vodka?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Oh, yeah.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Rainbow.- Double P.
0:23:43 > 0:23:49- You're not going to die. - I never said I was.
0:23:49 > 0:23:55Psycho Paul doesn't die. He's too Psycho Paul for that.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I gave you 12 stitches... and an extra one for luck.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Appreciate it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Am I hurting you?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Yeah.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Lucky this stabbing came up, really.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25The more crimes that get committed...
0:24:27 > 0:24:30..the more I feel like I'm doing my job.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Well, Manchester's a very crime-rich city, innit?
0:24:33 > 0:24:37I wonder if Glasgow's going to be as good?
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Glasgow?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Didn't I say?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45I'm doing a three-month course in Glasgow.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Start next week.- What?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Yeah, we're going to be learning about computer crime -
0:24:51 > 0:24:54identity theft, er...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57people being rude on Facebook.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Is PC goin'?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02I'm going to dump him.
0:25:02 > 0:25:08It was mainly the uniform I were attracted to.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11And now I've got me own.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Jenny, I've got to give you something.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I'm taking Double P home for observation.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22What's this shit?
0:25:22 > 0:25:28- Oh, I ordered that from that fascist pizza place.- Did you?- Yeah.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Well, fuck you!
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Ow!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Are you wearing glittery eye shadow?
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Yes!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Nice!
0:25:51 > 0:25:57# You never were and you never will be mine
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# No, you never were
0:26:01 > 0:26:07# And you never will be mine
0:26:07 > 0:26:14# Cos you never were and you never will be mine
0:26:16 > 0:26:18# No, you never were
0:26:18 > 0:26:24# And you never will be mine
0:26:24 > 0:26:28# There's a moment to seize Every time that we meet
0:26:28 > 0:26:32# But you always keep passing me by
0:26:32 > 0:26:40# No, you never were and you never will be mine
0:26:40 > 0:26:42# Cos you never were
0:26:42 > 0:26:47# And you never will be mine
0:26:48 > 0:26:56# No, you never were and you never will be mine
0:26:56 > 0:27:01# There's a moment to seize Every time that we meet
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# But you always keep passing me by
0:27:04 > 0:27:11# No, you never were and you never will be mine
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Cos you never were... #
0:27:15 > 0:27:21Honestly, Jenny, I were never happier than when we were together.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26And since we've been apart, I've been so miserable.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I made Thom Yorke look like Timmy Mallet.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34You once told me we were soul mates.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Well, you said "mole mates" but I knew what you meant.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39And I think it's true.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44So why don't we give our love another chance?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Or at least, you know, failing that,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50have a farewell shag?
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Anyway, that's all I wanted to say...
0:27:55 > 0:27:57..when you were still here.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Oh!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05This is what happens when you lend people money.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Derrick's sperm is very disappointing. - What you doing in a woman's bed?
0:28:08 > 0:28:12If you've got any sense, you'll live in fear of your best mates.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- He's stalking me! - It's more romantic than that.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- Hola! - SHE SCREAMS
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:38 > 0:28:40E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk