0:00:06 > 0:00:08Afternoon.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Hello, Sanjeev.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Do you want to give Moz one of those?
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Oh, thanks, lovely.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19These ones as well.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Wow!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Sure Mummy doesn't want them?
0:00:24 > 0:00:27My kitchen drawers are stuffed with his masterpieces.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29How's your dealing business?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31King of the world. How's your dealing business?
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Queen of the world.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36You can't leave rubbish out on the landing.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39I'm going to take it downstairs later.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Well, why don't you leave it inside until later?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45It's too full. It's going to split and go everywhere.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Nicki, we've not been a couple for well over a year now.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50When you die,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53are you going to carry on nagging me from beyond the grave?
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Who says I'm going to die first?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Have a good day at work.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Don't take any wooden nickels.
0:01:11 > 0:01:19This programme contains some strong language.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24All right, Moz?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Lee, how's it going?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31These are the times of exile.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Are they?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36They are.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38You'd best come in then.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Thanks.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47It's good.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51I shouldn't get too caned, though. I start my shift in 40 minutes.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I still don't understand how you can fall so far so fast.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Last year you were up for a Brit award, now you're working in Londis.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00I know.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Talk about your yin and yang.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04And yong.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07And you didn't save any money at all?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09It all went on fast cars and slow women?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Listen, I'm going to tell you something now.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Technically, in order to hear this,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19you should have to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Right, cos my ears have only got a level-three clearance.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Is that going to be a problem?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27No. I don't really NEED to work at all.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33By the time Silicone Valets split, I'd made a couple of hundred grand.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34And you've still got it?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Still got a record deal an' all.
0:02:38 > 0:02:43Problem was, in terms of public perception, I was credible...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46..but not incredible.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Is incredible better than massive?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Oh, definitely.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Anyway, my management, Talent Milk, thought it would be a good idea
0:02:53 > 0:02:55if I...disappeared for a while.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59I imagine the public quite liked that idea too.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Two weeks' time, a certain celebrity gossip magazine is going to do a...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06"Where is he now?" on me.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Oh, I get it.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10My tragic story and how I'm going to bounce back like a...
0:03:11 > 0:03:13..triumphant...ball.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Exactly!
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Two months' time, I release the new Silicone Valets album.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Endless Shelves.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26It's a song cycle in six movements.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29About working in Londis?
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Yep.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Then, in three months' time...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I'm getting married to one of the Sugababes.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Which one?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Still sorting out the details.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Xavier, Cartoon Head. Psycho Paul not with you?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50He's on his way.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Hi! Oh, you look nice.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Have you heard the news?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59What news?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01The Red Mist...
0:04:02 > 0:04:05..kidnapped a town councillor,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08cut his head off and stuffed his neck with Crunchies.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09KNOCK AT DOOR
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Psycho Paul. Rainbow.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21Hiya, Nicki. Paul said you wouldn't mind me coming along to your top-secret meeting.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Come one, come all.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Have you heard about the Crunchie murder?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Yeah, sounds awful.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38They can be very abrasive, can Crunchies, when they break up.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I'm getting a bit scared.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43That's why...
0:04:44 > 0:04:46..we're joining forces.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47What?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50No compromi-i-i-ise!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Who's talking about compromise?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55The Red Mist want to engulf everything.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58We can't stop 'em on our own.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59We need help.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01KNOCK AT DOOR
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Good evening.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I've been having second thoughts.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Second thoughts?
0:05:29 > 0:05:33About...you know, setting up Nicki.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35You're not setting her up.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I mean, she's breaking the law, and that is...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40against the law.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44You're breaking the law as well. You're a dealer, same as she is.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Yeah, but she's got...infrastructure.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52She's got that big hydroponic set-up in Broadbottom.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55She's got Cartoon Head's gang doing her running for her.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Whereas I...
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Well, I'm essentially just one man and a coffee table.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08You want to know the truth?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I reckon she'll be gone soon anyway.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16She's going to be engulfed by a Red Mist.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18You mean... You mean they're going to...
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Kerplunk!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- You mean...- Game over!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26- Actually... - Nipped right in t' middle of bud.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Are you saying murdered?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Yeah.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Shit! We've got to warn her.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33She already knows.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Nicki knows what's going on.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42And...she's been seen with her feelers out.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45But can't your lot stop the Red Mist?
0:06:45 > 0:06:50I mean, surely there must be a law against murdering people.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Not since cutbacks.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56We're not really insured for proper crime any more.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57That's a shame.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59In a way.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03We must stop the rise of the ginger menace.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06But we don't even know how many of them there are.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09They could be everywhere, blud.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Let's not panic.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15I say, if we join forces, we could beat them.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16I agree.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20We have 45 men, a stash of over 100 automatic weapons
0:07:20 > 0:07:22and access to a helicopter.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23You?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I've got...
0:07:25 > 0:07:27MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:07:27 > 0:07:29..a screwdriver.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31What kind of screwdriver?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33A Phillips.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35They're the worst.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yes, I know.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41And I can phone Flu Strength Darren. He loves a good punch-up.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44He has just had one of his elbows amputated.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Excuse me, but, um...
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Have you thought about just talking to them?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Talking's for lesbians.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58Rainbow's right. We could storm in there all knives blazing
0:07:58 > 0:08:02or we could try talking. We're not animals.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04They're animals.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06And so am I.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I do not want to talk to the animals.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13We could try though. I'm feeling pretty...
0:08:14 > 0:08:16..talkish.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I do not want to talk.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I don't want to talk.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21I don't want to talk.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23SLURPING
0:08:34 > 0:08:36KNOCK AT DOOR
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Hi!- It's Jake.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Entrez, do.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57Look, I'll arrange for some coppers to come and bust her, Friday,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00but you need to be sure you are completely clean.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03As a whistle-cleaning factory whistle.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Hi, Moz. Is everything OK?
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Yeah, fine.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Yeah, don't worry. We're mates. I'm not on duty.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Well, I am on duty, but I'm not working.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15This is Tilly.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18So what are you? Some kind of a policeman?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Er... Yeah.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Yeah, I am.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I am a policeman, but I don't like to think of myself
0:09:25 > 0:09:28primarily as a policeman.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Even when you're on duty.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Specially not on duty. To be honest, uniform does most of the work.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36So what do you do then?
0:09:36 > 0:09:40You look like you probably... express yourself?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I do, yeah, I express myself every day.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Yeah, I'd love to express myself, but it's finding the space.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48And the right expression.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52I'm a designer and a businesswoman and I part run an art gallery.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Oh, yeah.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Yeah, I know the place, yeah, they had that exhibition
0:09:59 > 0:10:01with the mad bloke in the sleeping bag outside.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- No, that was a homeless guy.- Oh!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Pity. He was very good.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07He was. He was very good.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09So, do you fancy a coffee?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Give me 20 minutes. I have to do some e-mails
0:10:11 > 0:10:14and charge my BlackBerry, unless you have a charger?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- I've only just got an egg whisk.- OK.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Well, please come and see "The Pottery of the Perverse"
0:10:20 > 0:10:21and it was very nice to meet you.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Yeah, and you. Lovely.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Yeah.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Blimey! You kept her quiet, didn't you?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37She is gorgeous!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You're just one big-talking testicle, aren't you?
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Eh?- I saw you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Sliming all over her like a police sex gastropod.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- All I said... - I don't care what you said.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Neither will she. She's a lesbian.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56She's not a lesbian.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59She is, as it goes, and she's a celibate lesbian.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no rug low enough.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04She might be celibate
0:11:04 > 0:11:05but she's not a lesbian.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Definitely not.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I can always tell. I've got les-dar.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11You can instinctively tell if a woman is from Leicester?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Hey, I'm serious, and I have never been wrong, never.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Well, if that proves to be the case -
0:11:17 > 0:11:20and God and red wine willing, I hope one day to find out -
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I don't want you going anywhere near her.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25You've had two women right out from under my nose.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Now, Nicki I forgive you for,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29cos I was having an affair at the same time,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32but you and Jenny broke my heart.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35And you can put down our continued friendship
0:11:35 > 0:11:37more to shock than anything else.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I don't want you laying a finger anywhere near Tilly.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I promise I won't even speak to her.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Good.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Cos if you fuck me over again, you know what'll happen?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- What?- Nowt.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52And one morning,
0:11:52 > 0:11:57you'll wake up with your own cock and balls superglued to your back.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Just out of reach.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10SPEECH INAUDIBLE
0:12:33 > 0:12:36How long you been friends with the cop?
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Long time.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43Got a lot in common. He cheated with my last two girlfriends.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45He reminds me of a boyfriend I used to have.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Boyfriend?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Hang on. When I asked if you wanted to go out with me,
0:12:51 > 0:12:54you said that you were a celibate lesbian.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57I suppose I did.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00But...you're not.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Plod said you weren't.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03OK.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I'm sorry that I lied to you
0:13:10 > 0:13:14but in my defence, I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I'd only been in the UK for a few months.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I was working on my "Subversive Stain" collection
0:13:19 > 0:13:23and my mind was full of stains. There just wasn't room for you.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25So essentially, what you were saying was
0:13:25 > 0:13:28that you'd rather never have sex again
0:13:28 > 0:13:31than concede that there was the slightest possibility
0:13:31 > 0:13:34of ever sleeping with m... with...
0:13:34 > 0:13:35men.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I wasn't ready for anything.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40But, you know, since I've said that, a lot has changed.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45I've relaxed somewhat and I've gotten to know you so much better.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48So are you saying that maybe there's a chance you and m...
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Wow! Did you do this?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Wow! I didn't know you painted.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57You keep a low profile, don't you?
0:13:57 > 0:14:01But the more I find out about you, the more fascinated I become.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Yeah?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Well, I mean...
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Yeah, I'm an artist, yeah, I mean...
0:14:09 > 0:14:13You know, art flows through my veins like...ketchup.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I adore this. It has such a primitivist edge.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18You know, it's not about skill or technique.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20No, it's not, no.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23And the drawing is even better. The line is so confident.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I think it...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27provides a...
0:14:27 > 0:14:31harrowing insight into the urban malaise.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Yeah, I see that now.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36To me it's like a...
0:14:37 > 0:14:39..porcelain penis.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Amazing.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45What I think it's saying is that there's...
0:14:45 > 0:14:47w-w-w...wheel...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50wheelchair...access.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Wheelchair access?
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Oh, yeah.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Would you mind if I took these upstairs and had them framed?
0:14:59 > 0:15:00No, not at all.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I'd like to see more of your oeuvre.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04My what?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Your oeuvre, your body of work.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07My body.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Hell, yeah! I love raw talent.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13So, in summary, what you want to see is...
0:15:13 > 0:15:16More paintings, more drawings.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21Yeah, course, no problem. Just, er... give us a couple of minutes.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Great! Thank you.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26See you later.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Hiya!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Can't wait to see you.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Thought you were amazing in the meeting earlier.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Yeah.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51See you soon.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Love you.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Bye.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Bye! Bye-bye-bye!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14All right, Moz? I'm afraid Nicki's just gone out.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Ah, that's a shame. Can I come in for a sec?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Um... Yeah, suppose.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Cartoon Head, you all right?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26So, what can I do for you?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Well, Baby Sanjeev wanted to give us some paintings earlier,
0:16:29 > 0:16:33but I was on my way out, so I was hoping I could pick 'em up now.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36It's nearly 11 o'clock.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38It's been hanging over us.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42O-M-F-G!
0:16:42 > 0:16:44You're a paedo.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Of course I'm not a paedo. Hey! Cartoon Head.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51Paedo!
0:16:51 > 0:16:57No! I'm saying I'm definitely not a paedo, am I?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Come on, Jess. You know me.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Nicki said she'd leave them in the kitchen drawer.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Knock yourself out.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Thank you.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Brought you a present.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24That's so sweet.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- SHE GASPS - My God!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Is that a diamond?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32It's a diamond.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Oh! Wow!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I couldn't possibly keep this.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43(Keep it!)
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Please, do it for me.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52(Do it for him...and me!)
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Thank you.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00How can you afford this? What work do you do?
0:18:00 > 0:18:05Oh, I used to be a decorator, but now I just have a good time.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I'll probably come again tomorrow.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16OK.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Or if not, the day after that.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Oh, no, I can't come the day after that.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Why not?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Cos the day after that...
0:18:25 > 0:18:26I'm gonna die.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29What?
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Why? What's wrong with you?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Oh, nothing's wrong with me, but...
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I am going to die on Friday.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39That's terrible.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43(Ask him how much it's worth.)
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Hiya!- Hi! Moz, these are awesome.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Oh cool! May I?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Nice. I love the use of primary colours.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Yeah...
0:19:00 > 0:19:05I like to think of myself as a painter from the...Primary School.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07What amazes me most is what you've left out.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10You'll find what I've left out is probably the best bit.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- Have you sold many of these?- No.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13You know how it is.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Once I'm dead, they'll be swapping hands for 100 quid a pop.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19You can get way more than that for these right now.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Where have you exhibited?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- I've never actually... - You've never exhibited?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27You are the classic outsider artist.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31That doesn't make me any less fascinating, does it?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33No, outsiders are so in, it's ridiculous.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37I know Warren will want to give you a show at the Forever Machine.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Oh, I'll show them to him tomorrow then.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41No need. He's on his way over here right now.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Now?- Yeah, I want to move quickly.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Yeah, I want to move quickly.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48INTERCOM BUZZES
0:19:48 > 0:19:50(This could be Warren.)
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- Hello! ..It's Warren.- Great!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- Yeah, come on up. - HE MOUTHS
0:19:55 > 0:19:56This is exciting.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58# Nothing you can say
0:19:58 > 0:20:02# Can tear me away from my guy
0:20:05 > 0:20:08# Nothing you can do Cos I'm... #
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Are you sure?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I always think ketamine sounds too strong to me.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17I love hallucinating. I just don't like seeing stuff that isn't there.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Well, what do you think?
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- They're pretty fucking real. - Mm-hm.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I'm thinking Van Vliet, I'm thinking Rauschenberg.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Are they cheeses? Cos I'm starving.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I adore this piece. Does it have a title?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yeah, course it does. It's called...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42..Painted Painting.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- That is beyond perfect.- Cheers.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I think we need to give Moz a show at the Forever Machine.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50- Definitely.- I told you!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- I'd like to splash you all over. - Mm-hm.
0:20:53 > 0:20:58We had to cancel an upcoming exhibition, "Lacto Urinary Collision".
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Michael Radley planned to install ten bell jars of frozen milkman urine.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05But we lost the sponsorship of the Milk Marketing Board.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07You must be heartbroken.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I've been beside myself.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Nobody wants to be sitting there.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- I say we keep the whole thing ersatz.- Mm-hm.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I love ersatz. When they first brought them out I was resistant,
0:21:18 > 0:21:21but now I couldn't imagine a world without them.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I'll start an essay right away.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27"Post Dialectic Morphology and the New Now".
0:21:27 > 0:21:29It'll help explain some of what you're doing.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Do you think it needs explaining?
0:21:31 > 0:21:36The golden rule. If it doesn't require an explanation, it's not worth doing.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Of course! How terribly enfant of me.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- See you tomorrow.- Bye.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45You are pretty fucking real, Moz.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48And do you know what I like most of all about your work?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- I can make money off of it? - Aside from that.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Not sure. You?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Not sure.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59It evolves its own hypermyth via its refusal to refract.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Bye.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Bye. Thank you.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07He's a nice straightforward lad, isn't he?
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Warren is such an original thinker he's had his cultural influence insured.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15If only there was a way of preserving his brain in bleach ASAP.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Moz, I can't tell you how excited I am about discovering you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Discovering me?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24The real you.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I have always suspected we were kindred spirits.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30I love your honesty, I love your directness, I love your eyes.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34But most of all, I love your art.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- My art?- Mm-hm.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41That's good because, er...
0:22:43 > 0:22:45..my art wants to love you back.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51MUSIC: "Billie Holiday" by Warpaint
0:23:06 > 0:23:10# B-I-L-L-I-E
0:23:10 > 0:23:15# H-O-L-I-D-A-Y
0:23:16 > 0:23:23# B-I-L-L-I-E H-O-L-I-D-A-Y... #
0:23:23 > 0:23:27How instant is it? Should I be experiencing something now?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32What is it?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36MUSIC ECHOES
0:23:40 > 0:23:44It's... It's a red bag.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- ECHOES:- Bag, bag, bag, bag, bag...
0:24:31 > 0:24:35I can't stop thinking about your amazing artistic skills.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I'm hoping to use them in a minute.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Shall we...go into your bedroom area?
0:24:42 > 0:24:43If you know what I mean.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45I worry that it's too soon.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Too soon?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Yeah, I think it's too soon.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52It's not too soon. Trust me, it's just in time.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I wouldn't want us to spoil it.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- It?- Us. Spoil us.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- Spoil us?- Spoil what we have.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00I think we could have more.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Maybe what we have is enough.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03It's not enough.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- Is it possible that it's enough? - It's not enough.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Look, I feel very close to you right now
0:25:11 > 0:25:13but I'm not quite ready to sleep with you.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Really?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22You're all the same, you celibate lesbians.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27As strongly as I feel about you, tonight is not the night,
0:25:27 > 0:25:30so please stop trying to coerce me.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I'm not coercing, I'm seducing.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Are you saying that my seduction is coming across as a coercion?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Not entirely, but it does have a slightly whiny quality to it.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Whiny? That's a blow.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49I saw myself as a chunky Pierce Brosnan effortlessly flirting with you.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54All right, then. Well, name your exclusion zone.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Do you want some more wine? - Definitely.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07DISSONANT BUZZING MUSIC
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Fisht.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45SCREAMING
0:26:45 > 0:26:48MUSIC: "Bad Dreams" by Venus Ray
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Fisht.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53# Dream, baby, dream, baby
0:26:53 > 0:26:59# Dream, baby, dream, baby Dream, baby, dream, baby
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# Dream, baby, dream, baby... #
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Whatever else happens,
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I'm happy right now.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Ah!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22PANTING
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- Are you masturbating?- No.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Are you sure?- Cramp!
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Well, why don't you get up?
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I didn't want to break the mood. Ah!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
0:27:37 > 0:27:38CRASH Ow!
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Yeah, that did kind of break the mood.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Our relationship's going to the next stage.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- Are you stalking her? - I'm the perfect ginger.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Thought you'd never get here.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51That really took me back.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Disembowelling's too good for him.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- Donna said she might pop round. - Donna?
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:15 > 0:28:18E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk