The Red King

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0:00:03 > 0:00:05- MAN: Hello, Nicola. - I've a message for the Red King.

0:00:05 > 0:00:07Go ahead.

0:00:07 > 0:00:12The man in charge of Salford's big weed operation's called Moz.

0:00:12 > 0:00:16You'll find him at Flat 2, 23 Saint Stephen's Road.

0:00:16 > 0:00:21Thank you, Nicola. I'll make sure the Red King gets your message.

0:00:21 > 0:00:23So...so, I'm safe now?

0:00:24 > 0:00:27I'll make sure the Red King gets your message.

0:00:30 > 0:00:31PHONE BEEPS

0:00:37 > 0:00:39SHE SIGHS

0:00:39 > 0:00:41Good morning, genius.

0:00:41 > 0:00:43- HE SIGHS - Mm. Morning.

0:00:43 > 0:00:47You know what I think when I see you in the morning?

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Mm, actually, I don't want to know.

0:00:49 > 0:00:51I think...

0:00:51 > 0:00:53Oh, God!

0:00:53 > 0:00:55No! No.

0:00:55 > 0:00:57That's a bit strong.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59I forgot to set the alarm.

0:00:59 > 0:01:03We have so much to do before tonight.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05How can I help?

0:01:05 > 0:01:07No, probably not.

0:01:21 > 0:01:25Very kind of you, Nicki. Thanks for the babygros, the bouncer, the bottles,

0:01:25 > 0:01:30the bibs, the thermal blankets, the changing mat, the potty, the...

0:01:30 > 0:01:34You're welcome. I'm not planning on having any more myself.

0:01:34 > 0:01:38Your many, many gifts make the foetus happy.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Goodbye, Nicki. - Bye, love.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43See you.

0:01:48 > 0:01:52Derrick, I regret to tell you our marriage is now over.

0:01:52 > 0:01:56What? Oh, you're just tired, love. Go home and we'll eat some swede.

0:01:57 > 0:02:00All right, Fist? How's it going, matey?

0:02:00 > 0:02:02Fist.

0:02:02 > 0:02:04What brings you over this way?

0:02:04 > 0:02:08What? What do you mean? Yasuko doesn't wanna go with you.

0:02:08 > 0:02:10Fist.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13She's not going with you. She's staying with me.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16The reasons are multifold. We're married, we...

0:02:16 > 0:02:18Nice to see you again, Fist.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Fist.

0:02:27 > 0:02:29Yasuko?

0:02:30 > 0:02:32HE SOBS

0:02:34 > 0:02:35She thinks you're an artist?

0:02:37 > 0:02:39Yeah.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Not a piss artist. A proper artist?

0:02:42 > 0:02:46She thinks I painted Sanjeev's paintings, and she loves them.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50She's gonna put on an exhibition at her gallery.

0:02:50 > 0:02:52I've so screwed this up.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56Listen, I know I'm coming right out of left field here,

0:02:56 > 0:02:59but why didn't you tell her the truth?

0:02:59 > 0:03:02Because I know that being an artist was a deciding factor

0:03:02 > 0:03:05- in whether or not she slept with me.- Oh.

0:03:05 > 0:03:09I don't know much about art, but I know sex is good.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Fair enough.

0:03:11 > 0:03:13If I let her go ahead with this exhibition,

0:03:13 > 0:03:15Tilly's gonna be made to look a fool.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18But if I tell her the truth, she's bound to dump me.

0:03:20 > 0:03:24Whenever you tell a lie, it always comes back and bites you on the arse.

0:03:24 > 0:03:27Like when I told that parking attendant I were a sumo wrestler.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31He bit me on the arse.

0:03:31 > 0:03:33Look, I've got a plan.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35I think it'll work, but it's quite complicated

0:03:35 > 0:03:37and there's loads to remember.

0:03:37 > 0:03:41- Great. Just let me do this. - Er...

0:03:41 > 0:03:44But if we find out where the Red King is, Cartoon Head can go in and take him out!

0:03:44 > 0:03:48No! I've handed Moz's details to the Red King, and that's the end of it!

0:03:48 > 0:03:52- You're just gonna let him kill Moz? - Well, it's Moz or me!

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Killing the Red King is irrelevant.

0:03:54 > 0:03:57Another one'll just replace him. You know what gingers are.

0:03:57 > 0:03:58Why should you have the last say, anyway?!

0:03:58 > 0:04:02Maybe someone else should be running this gang. Paul or CH or me.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05You?! You shouldn't even be here!

0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's getting far too dangerous. I think you should go back to Cardiff.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10Oh, please(!) You are not my mum!

0:04:10 > 0:04:13Yes, I am!

0:04:13 > 0:04:14What?

0:04:20 > 0:04:22I am your mum.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28I got pregnant with you when I was 21.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34It was too soon for me.

0:04:34 > 0:04:37I couldn't handle the responsibility.

0:04:38 > 0:04:41I made Mum promise she'd never tell you.

0:04:41 > 0:04:44I didn't think I'd ever tell you.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48It was so hard,

0:04:48 > 0:04:52watching you growing up, not being able to tell you who I really was.

0:04:53 > 0:04:56So, who's my Dad?

0:04:57 > 0:05:01You don't want to know. He was a loud, leery drunk.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05- He was my yoga teacher.- This is all getting a bit overwhelming.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08I'm starting to wish you'd had an abortion.

0:05:16 > 0:05:18I love you so much.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Everything's gonna be all right now.

0:05:25 > 0:05:27KNOCKING

0:05:28 > 0:05:30SHE SIGHS

0:05:33 > 0:05:37Good afternoon. We have a warrant to search the premises.

0:05:40 > 0:05:44And you're absolutely sure this plan of yours will work?

0:05:44 > 0:05:45I think it's your best bet.

0:05:45 > 0:05:50She saves face, you save face. Extra face all round.

0:05:50 > 0:05:53I'm determined to make this relationship work, Bri.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56Tilly has been like a breath of fresh air.

0:05:56 > 0:06:00Fresh, air-conditioned American air.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03And I'm not gonna let that air slip through my fingers.

0:06:03 > 0:06:07Um, don't you think you should still be moping over Jenny?

0:06:07 > 0:06:09No.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12I've never seen anybody more obviously on the rebound.

0:06:12 > 0:06:15I'm not on the rebound! I'm in love.

0:06:15 > 0:06:17In love with the idea of love.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19Yeah.

0:06:19 > 0:06:23Well, you'll be in love with the idea of having a complete set of teeth

0:06:23 > 0:06:25if you don't shut up.

0:06:33 > 0:06:35You set this up, didn't you?

0:06:35 > 0:06:37No. I swear.

0:06:37 > 0:06:39I...I only just heard about it.

0:06:39 > 0:06:42You always were a terrible liar.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Could you give us a sec?

0:06:51 > 0:06:53Bye, Mum.

0:06:53 > 0:06:57Nicki, this is for your own safe...

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Mum?!

0:06:59 > 0:07:02I can't talk about it now.

0:07:02 > 0:07:05OK.

0:07:05 > 0:07:09Look, at least if you're locked away, Red Mist can't kill you.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11We've arranged this for your own good.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13- We?- Me and Moz.

0:07:15 > 0:07:16Oh.

0:07:16 > 0:07:21He was very definite about not wanting you killed. He said it twice.

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Listen, there's something I need to tell you.

0:07:25 > 0:07:29MAN ON RADIO: K-23, there is a suffocation in progress in Sock Shop.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32Come on, love, it's time to go.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34Look, I'll see you soon, yeah?

0:07:35 > 0:07:39K-23, immediate backup required at Sock Shop.

0:07:39 > 0:07:44All right, all right. I've not sat down for half an hour.

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Now, are you sure you can remember what you've got to say to Tilly?

0:07:54 > 0:07:57No worries. Thanks, Bri.

0:07:57 > 0:08:01I reckon this new lie should definitely convince her that I'm sincere.

0:08:01 > 0:08:03TEXT ALERT

0:08:05 > 0:08:08- MOBILE BEEPS - Oh, it's a text from Phil Collins.

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Blimey.

0:08:12 > 0:08:14Nicki's just been busted.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Shit-a-roo. - KNOCKING

0:08:26 > 0:08:28Ah, the Man From De Mented.

0:08:28 > 0:08:30Moz. A pleasure to see you.

0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Is it? - I assure you I mean you no harm.

0:08:33 > 0:08:37Thing is, I find your assurance unnerving.

0:08:37 > 0:08:39How is Jenny?

0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Why?- Why what?

0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Why "How is Jenny?" - I am asking how she is.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Cos you've killed her? - I haven't killed her.

0:08:48 > 0:08:49Sure?

0:08:49 > 0:08:54I haven't killed her. I haven't seen her. That is why I ask how she is.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56You're trying to scare me.

0:08:56 > 0:08:59I'm not. How is Jenny?

0:08:59 > 0:09:00She's in Glasgow.

0:09:00 > 0:09:04Ah. Good.

0:09:04 > 0:09:05You are trying to scare me.

0:09:05 > 0:09:09I'm not trying to scare you. Stop saying that. You're making me angry.

0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Hi, hi. - Ah, Brian.

0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Are you ready?- Yes, indeedy.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Wow.

0:09:21 > 0:09:24Are you two going on a date?

0:09:24 > 0:09:28- Mm! In't he scrummy? - Fatally scrummy.

0:09:28 > 0:09:31- See you sooner than soon. - Goodbye, Moz.

0:09:31 > 0:09:35Don't think you scare me with all that "I'm not trying to scare you" stuff.

0:09:40 > 0:09:42KNOCKING

0:09:47 > 0:09:50Hi. You OK?

0:09:50 > 0:09:54So-so. My probation's a bit up and down.

0:09:54 > 0:09:56Can I come in?

0:09:58 > 0:10:03OK. But for five minutes only. These are my work hours.

0:10:07 > 0:10:10I can't get you out of my head. You're like the catchiest tune ever.

0:10:10 > 0:10:13You're like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang crossed with Crazy Frog.

0:10:13 > 0:10:18Colin, look! For a brief moment, I loved you passionately and deeply.

0:10:18 > 0:10:21But now I don't. What's the big problem?

0:10:21 > 0:10:24But look at me, I'm perfect.

0:10:24 > 0:10:25We split up months ago.

0:10:25 > 0:10:29If you're so amazing, how come no-one else picked you out yet?

0:10:29 > 0:10:32I am keeping myself pure...for you.

0:10:32 > 0:10:35Is that a copy of Busty Teens?

0:10:38 > 0:10:41Um...probably.

0:10:41 > 0:10:43KNOCKING

0:10:43 > 0:10:47- That'll be a client. You have to go.- OK.

0:10:47 > 0:10:52- I'm...I'm gonna go out this way. - There is no way out that way. Colin!

0:10:52 > 0:10:54Colin! Come out!

0:10:54 > 0:10:56KNOCKING

0:10:57 > 0:11:01If you interfere, I will never talk to you again.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07HE PANTS

0:11:07 > 0:11:09Jake! I thought you were being sacrificed today.

0:11:09 > 0:11:14- I legged it.- I didn't think I would see you again.

0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh. Ha-ha.

0:11:22 > 0:11:26It's for tonight. I took your measurements whilst you were sleeping.

0:11:27 > 0:11:31It's made almost entirely out of tampons and sanitary towels.

0:11:31 > 0:11:36Good. Good, I'm...I'm liking it so far.

0:11:36 > 0:11:37What happens if it rains?

0:11:37 > 0:11:41You know, what...what kind of expansion are we talking about on this bad boy?

0:11:41 > 0:11:4235%?

0:11:42 > 0:11:46Oh. I think I'm gonna have to skip it, thanks.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48But it's so convenient if you spill your drink.

0:11:48 > 0:11:51But it's entirely up to you. After all, you're the artist.

0:11:51 > 0:11:56Listen, Tilly. There's something you need to know before tonight.

0:11:56 > 0:12:00- Before tonight? - About my...exhibition.

0:12:00 > 0:12:01Uh-huh.

0:12:01 > 0:12:04It...

0:12:04 > 0:12:07Er...it's an art prank.

0:12:07 > 0:12:09I am an art prankstrel.

0:12:09 > 0:12:10What?

0:12:10 > 0:12:14I didn't do those paintings. They were all done by Nicki's three-year-old.

0:12:14 > 0:12:18I've duped the art world and it's all because of my art hoax.

0:12:18 > 0:12:22You mediated your work through the agency of infancy.

0:12:23 > 0:12:26Yeah...I definitely did.

0:12:26 > 0:12:28And you couldn't tell me the truth,

0:12:28 > 0:12:30because that would have rendered the performance inauthentic.

0:12:30 > 0:12:33So inauthentic.

0:12:33 > 0:12:35But now, you know, now that we're a...we're a couple,

0:12:35 > 0:12:37I...I felt I had to tell you.

0:12:37 > 0:12:41Because...because if I hadn't, you know, then I'd have been letting you down,

0:12:41 > 0:12:43and I'd...I'd have been letting myself down.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46And, worst of all, I'd have been letting down my feminine side.

0:12:46 > 0:12:49And she'd have hated that, cos you know how women are.

0:12:49 > 0:12:53- You astonish me.- Is that the good astonishment, or the bad kind?

0:12:53 > 0:12:57The good kind. You're twice the genius I thought you were.

0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Great.- You're amazing.

0:13:00 > 0:13:02So are you.

0:13:04 > 0:13:06JAKE: It's so good to see you again.

0:13:06 > 0:13:09CARMEL: It's always nice to see you.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Have you got that necklace I bought you?

0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah... SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

0:13:15 > 0:13:18Why? Did...

0:13:18 > 0:13:20did you...want it back?

0:13:20 > 0:13:23Oh, no, no.

0:13:23 > 0:13:25Can I see you wear it?

0:13:26 > 0:13:28OK, sure.

0:13:49 > 0:13:51I love you.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57That's nice.

0:13:59 > 0:14:02I...love this.

0:14:04 > 0:14:06Oh.

0:14:06 > 0:14:10Oh, Carmel. I love you so much.

0:14:11 > 0:14:15- I can't die. - HE SOBS

0:14:34 > 0:14:37Ah, Turner and Hooch.

0:14:37 > 0:14:41- We're looking for Nicki. - I'm afraid you're too late.

0:14:42 > 0:14:44Did the Red Mist get her?

0:14:44 > 0:14:47Is her neck hole a selection box?

0:14:47 > 0:14:49Nah. She's been busted.

0:14:49 > 0:14:53The cops just can't go around arresting people.

0:14:53 > 0:14:55We ought to go down the police station, blud.

0:14:55 > 0:15:00Psycho Paul doesn't go down the police station. That much should be obvious.

0:15:00 > 0:15:05Word is, they've also raided her ganja factory.

0:15:06 > 0:15:08Exit Welsh Caesar.

0:15:08 > 0:15:11She's really let us down getting busted like that, hasn't she?

0:15:11 > 0:15:13Yeah, definitely, blud.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15A very selfish woman. Wouldn't you agree?

0:15:15 > 0:15:18Yeah, for real, for real.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20Total bitch.

0:15:20 > 0:15:22Total bitch!

0:15:22 > 0:15:25Somebody's keeping secrets, though, aren't they?

0:15:25 > 0:15:28Er...are they?

0:15:28 > 0:15:32Well, somebody obviously set her up.

0:15:32 > 0:15:34Someone on the inside.

0:15:34 > 0:15:37You can't trust anybody, can you, lads?

0:15:37 > 0:15:38PHONE RINGS

0:15:38 > 0:15:43- MOZ SIGHS - I've got to get this.

0:15:43 > 0:15:45PHONE RINGS

0:15:48 > 0:15:51PHONE RINGS

0:15:51 > 0:15:55- Hello? - PC. Listen, are you sitting down?

0:15:55 > 0:15:58- No. Why?- Sit down.

0:15:58 > 0:16:01- OK. I'm sitting down.- You're not.

0:16:01 > 0:16:04- I am.- You're not sitting down. I can tell.

0:16:04 > 0:16:08- Sit down.- OK, OK. Hang on.

0:16:08 > 0:16:10Ah.

0:16:10 > 0:16:14- OK, you sitting down now? - Oh, yeah. Much more comfy now.

0:16:14 > 0:16:17You're still not sitting down. Sit down.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19Oh, will you just fuckin' tell us what it is?

0:16:19 > 0:16:22The Red Mist's coming for you.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27I need to sit down.

0:16:29 > 0:16:33You haven't got much time. They're already on their way. Nicki just tipped us off.

0:16:33 > 0:16:35Tipped you off, or tipped them off?

0:16:35 > 0:16:40Feller, she might've just saved your life. Get out of there.

0:16:51 > 0:16:54Christ, what a day.

0:16:54 > 0:16:58Thanks for your words of wisdom in the taxi.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01I don't think I'll ever forget what you said.

0:17:02 > 0:17:06If you ask me, Salford's lost its shine.

0:17:06 > 0:17:09Why don't you come back to Cardiff with me?

0:17:10 > 0:17:12What's the alternative? Stay here and get married?

0:17:12 > 0:17:16You do realise that'll make Nicki your mother-in-law?

0:17:16 > 0:17:19Come to Cardiff, please.

0:17:27 > 0:17:29KNOCKING

0:17:33 > 0:17:36Ah, you must be the Swan Vestas I ordered.

0:17:39 > 0:17:41Good afternoon.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44Would I be speaking to Moz?

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Yeah, you would. And you are...

0:17:47 > 0:17:50People call me the Red King.

0:17:50 > 0:17:54- You may know of me, you may not. - I have heard talk.

0:17:54 > 0:17:57CLICK This is Callum.

0:17:57 > 0:18:00He does most of the beheading.

0:18:00 > 0:18:04CLICK And this is Heather.

0:18:04 > 0:18:10Heather likes stuffing people's neck holes with chocolate bars.

0:18:10 > 0:18:13Hm. What is it today, Heather?

0:18:13 > 0:18:15Dime bars.

0:18:15 > 0:18:21Ooh. Do a serious damage with a Dime.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23If...if I can stop you just there...

0:18:24 > 0:18:29..I think there's been some misunderstanding, Your Majesty.

0:18:30 > 0:18:36Surely neither of us wants to end up just another red-on-red crime statistic.

0:18:36 > 0:18:42Hm. No-one told me you were one of the blessed.

0:18:42 > 0:18:46Nah, I don't like to flaunt my freckles.

0:18:46 > 0:18:49I'd rather just quietly get on with being a carrot-top.

0:18:49 > 0:18:52And is the basement decorated in the same fashion?

0:18:55 > 0:18:57Oh, yeah.

0:18:59 > 0:19:02ZIP

0:19:02 > 0:19:04Aah!

0:19:09 > 0:19:11As I always say...

0:19:12 > 0:19:15...if the minge ain't ginge,

0:19:15 > 0:19:17I don't impinge.

0:19:19 > 0:19:23Time to turn around, boys and girls.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27I'll be back in ten minutes.

0:19:27 > 0:19:31- Ah... - Well, well, well.

0:19:31 > 0:19:34Look who it is.

0:19:34 > 0:19:36OTHERS: The Perfect Ginger.

0:19:36 > 0:19:38Perfect Ginger.

0:19:38 > 0:19:42Let the Red Mist descend.

0:19:42 > 0:19:44No.

0:19:44 > 0:19:45- SHE LAUGHS - No!

0:19:45 > 0:19:49SHE CACKLES

0:19:49 > 0:19:53- Why didn't you tell me about Jake? - He's a client. What's to tell?

0:19:53 > 0:19:57- A client who loves you. - So? Let him love me.

0:19:57 > 0:20:02If it makes him happy, and it makes me rich, let him love me.

0:20:02 > 0:20:07Oh, that's it! I...I...

0:20:10 > 0:20:12Oh, OK.

0:20:12 > 0:20:15- I've had enough. - Colin, please. This is crazy.

0:20:15 > 0:20:19He wants to live because of me, and you want to kill yourself because of me.

0:20:19 > 0:20:21- Well, surely I've trumped him. - Stop it.

0:20:21 > 0:20:25- I don't want to hear any more trumping.- I'm gonna throw myself to death.

0:20:25 > 0:20:30And, seriously, it's only the first floor. I don't think you're gonna kill yourself.

0:20:30 > 0:20:34I could do. If I landed wrong. I'm gonna try and land wrong.

0:20:34 > 0:20:36Come back in here now!

0:20:40 > 0:20:42Nobody'll miss me.

0:20:44 > 0:20:46Nobody needs me.

0:20:48 > 0:20:50I'm bloody useless.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Uh! Whoa! - HE GASPS

0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Col, what are you doing? - Preparing to jump.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08Really? Cos it looks like you're clinging on for dear life to me.

0:21:08 > 0:21:11I've got nothing to live for now.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13It's only one floor down. You're not gonna kill yourself, you berk.

0:21:13 > 0:21:18I could do, if I landed wrong. And I probably am gonna land wrong.

0:21:18 > 0:21:22No, you're not. Look, Col. For God's sake, get back inside.

0:21:22 > 0:21:24You're makin' a nuisance of yourself. You're...

0:21:24 > 0:21:27Like that time you wedged your head in a microwave.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30Yeah, cos that's all I am, innit? A nuisance.

0:21:30 > 0:21:33- And you never really loved me. - Yes, I did.

0:21:33 > 0:21:35Did you?

0:21:37 > 0:21:42More than anyone I've ever loved before, or since, or during.

0:21:42 > 0:21:44- But you took me for granted. - Yeah.

0:21:44 > 0:21:49Cos I'm stupid. And that's another reason why I should die.

0:21:49 > 0:21:56Col, Col, Col! Whatever's happened between you two, it's nowt that can't be mended.

0:21:56 > 0:21:58Carmel knows that.

0:21:59 > 0:22:01MOUTHS WORDS

0:22:04 > 0:22:07Moz is... HE MOUTHS

0:22:07 > 0:22:09Moz is right.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13What?

0:22:13 > 0:22:20If you come inside, we can talk about the future of our relationship.

0:22:20 > 0:22:22Brilliant.

0:22:28 > 0:22:32- You and me together forever, hey? - Uh...

0:22:36 > 0:22:42You...you've made me realise all that really matters is love and happiness.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45God, that's shallow.

0:22:47 > 0:22:50FOOTSTEPS

0:22:52 > 0:22:55No! Jake!

0:22:55 > 0:22:57Why does everybody want to be Peter Pan?

0:23:00 > 0:23:03Bye, then.

0:23:03 > 0:23:05CRASH Jake!

0:23:05 > 0:23:07Jake, are you OK?

0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh...

0:23:09 > 0:23:11Jake!

0:23:12 > 0:23:17- I think he landed wrong. - CARMEL SOBS

0:23:21 > 0:23:24The Perfect Ginger is dead.

0:23:24 > 0:23:26All is well for another year.

0:23:34 > 0:23:38It was a fully functioning abattoir that was made entirely of meat.

0:23:38 > 0:23:42- Oh, I'm in love. - DOORBELL BUZZES

0:23:42 > 0:23:47I wore one of your burning hats last night. Quite exciting.

0:23:49 > 0:23:51Moz, hi.

0:23:51 > 0:23:53You all psyched up for your private view?

0:23:53 > 0:23:56Yeah, course.

0:23:56 > 0:23:59Listen, I'm just gonna go snort two or three lines. Join me?

0:23:59 > 0:24:01No, ta.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07Listen, I've realised something.

0:24:08 > 0:24:12I can't be with you if I'm not gonna be 100% honest.

0:24:12 > 0:24:15And to be honest, I've not been 100% honest.

0:24:15 > 0:24:18You know how I didn't paint those paintings?

0:24:18 > 0:24:19Yeah?

0:24:19 > 0:24:22Well, I didn't have the idea to turn it into an art prank either.

0:24:22 > 0:24:25Cos I'm not an art prankstrel.

0:24:25 > 0:24:27It were Brian's idea.

0:24:27 > 0:24:32I let you believe I was an artist, because it seemed to make you like me more.

0:24:32 > 0:24:35And I wanted you to like me.

0:24:35 > 0:24:38I wanted you to love me, because I love you.

0:24:39 > 0:24:43But it's wrong to trick someone into loving you.

0:24:45 > 0:24:47Moz, I'm not an idiot. I figured it out.

0:24:49 > 0:24:51How did I give myself away?

0:24:51 > 0:24:54Well, you kept referring to your art as being contraceptual.

0:24:54 > 0:24:56But this is my fault.

0:24:56 > 0:25:02I got overenthusiastic about the idea of you being an unrecognised talent.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05But ultimately I fell in love with the real you.

0:25:05 > 0:25:09Come for the genius, stay for the idiot?

0:25:09 > 0:25:11Yeah.

0:25:13 > 0:25:17Whatever happens with the exhibition, that's up to Warren.

0:25:17 > 0:25:20But I want you to know, anything you do is fine with me.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22Really?

0:25:24 > 0:25:25Why?

0:25:25 > 0:25:29# Because you blow my mind

0:25:29 > 0:25:31# Blow my mind

0:25:31 > 0:25:36- # Because you blow my mind - # Blow my mind

0:25:36 > 0:25:42# And the way you're talking Baby, you're so cool

0:25:42 > 0:25:47# I'll do anything for you...

0:26:10 > 0:26:12# Unbelievable

0:26:12 > 0:26:16# Ooh, it's such a rush

0:26:16 > 0:26:18# So incredible

0:26:18 > 0:26:21# Boy, you make me blush

0:26:21 > 0:26:27# Just keep doing it Throw me into space

0:26:27 > 0:26:33# And I'll be floating there for days

0:26:37 > 0:26:42# Because you blow my mind Blow my mind

0:26:42 > 0:26:48# Because you blow my mind # Blow my mind

0:26:48 > 0:26:53# Because you blow my mind # Blow my mind

0:26:53 > 0:26:58# Because you blow my mind

0:26:58 > 0:26:59# Blow my mind... #

0:27:06 > 0:27:08Sorry.

0:27:13 > 0:27:18I did it for you, Plastic Face. I did it for you. HE GURGLES

0:27:18 > 0:27:21Cartoon Head? Cartoon Head, can you hear me?

0:27:21 > 0:27:24Hello? We need an ambulance, please. 23 St Stephen's Road, Salford.

0:27:24 > 0:27:26- There's been a shooting. - It's not looking good.

0:27:26 > 0:27:30You're telling me. My God,

0:27:30 > 0:27:32what did you do to your hair? It looks awful!

0:27:32 > 0:27:34It was a matter of life and death.

0:27:34 > 0:27:37But have you no aesthetic sense whatsoever?

0:27:37 > 0:27:40You said anything I do was all right by you.

0:27:40 > 0:27:43Oh, there are limits.

0:27:46 > 0:27:50- Let me know if the ambulance doesn't show up.- Don't die, CH.

0:27:50 > 0:27:51Please.

0:27:53 > 0:27:55Have I just been dumped?

0:27:55 > 0:27:59# Bad dream, bad dream Bad dream, bad dream

0:27:59 > 0:28:04# Bad dream, bad dream Bad dream, bad dream

0:28:04 > 0:28:09# Bad dream, bad dream Bad dream, bad dream... #

0:28:26 > 0:28:30Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:30 > 0:28:33Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk