0:00:03 > 0:00:06# For anyone who loves
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# For anyone who feels
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I'm never giving up
0:00:14 > 0:00:17# Until the dream is real
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Until the dream is real... #
0:00:21 > 0:00:22I bet you put it in an ISA.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- No, I told you, I spent it all. - What, paying off debts?- Nope.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29- New washing machine?- No, no, Dad reckons he can fix the old one.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- Loft insulation?- You don't think I know how to have fun any more.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Oh, sounds like someone's got a new boiler.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- Come on. What did you spend it on? - I don't know...
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- No... you got a Les Paul! - Yes, I did.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- Oh... beauty.- Whoa, whoa, get off!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48What? I treat guitars like I treat my ladies.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Exactly! Give it here.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- What are you going to tell Caroline? Oh, you found it in a skip. - It was my idea to get it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- It's his mum's money, I thought he should buy something for himself. - Has she had an affair?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I don't know, love. Have you had an affair?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- Ah, I don't think so, no. - Well, you can if you want. I owe you a favour.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- Oh, cheers.- I know what this is.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Some kind of midlife crisis thing, yeah?
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- Midlife? You cheeky sod. - Well, you know what I mean. Life is getting a bit stale...
0:01:13 > 0:01:15you just want to inject a bit of sparkle into it.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19We're doing all right for sparkle, thanks. Couple of days ago, Caroline was tidying...
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Liam, please don't tell him this story.- No, no he'll enjoy this.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Couple of days ago, Caroline was doing a bit of tidying up...
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- You all right love... let me give you a hand. - Oh, thanks.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36You know, I'd usually ask for a tip for that, but I'm sure you can pay me some other way.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38HE TURNS OFF VACUUM CLEANER
0:01:38 > 0:01:45- What are you doing?- You do know we have the house to ourself?- Really?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Chloe's at Jodie's, Steve's at chess club, Mikey's got a sleepover.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- Oh, yeah... Quick!- Get it off...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- What are you doing?- Mikey!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Mikey, Mikey... turn round, turn round, son!
0:02:15 > 0:02:20- Nice, I'm sorry.- Yeah, well, it's bound to sound a bit irresponsible if you tell it like that.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22What, you mean how it actually happened?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- You don't have to be proud of it though.- I'm not.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Yeah, you are.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I am a bit, yeah.
0:02:34 > 0:02:40Oh, my God. Is that a guitar?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42It's a toaster.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Where did you get it? - Um, found it in a skip?
0:02:45 > 0:02:49He bought it, Chloe. It's a Les Paul guitar, and your Dad bought it today.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53I literally don't believe this. This is literally the worst thing you've ever done to me.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58- It's none of your business. - You're literally killing me. I'm literally dead from shock.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00I wish you'd look up the word literally...
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- If you want me to run away from home, just say. I'll go. - Don't even start this, Chloe.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- It's your Dad's money. He spent it on a guitar. That's all. - I'm literally going out of my mind.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12That's better. That's good usage, that.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Caroline... what's up with her now?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Oh, she's in a strop. She wanted to go on a skiing trip with school.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- With your money? - No, this is before we had the money. This is when we were still skint.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Oh, please, come on, I've already said I'll pay towards it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27What with? You've got no money.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- With future earnings from my career.- Your career as what?
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Whatever I end up doing. And going skiing will raise my expectations.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I'll want to aim higher...so really it's an investment in my own future.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- How much is it? - It's only 600 quid.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- No.- Aw...- Chloe, we just haven't got that sort of money.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47I bet if I needed a kidney, you'd find it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- No, I'd just give you a kidney. - I don't want your stupid kidney.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I want this ski trip!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Let's just say she was a bit miffed.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58It's going to be like the main event of the whole year.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02< Yeah, Chloe, now's not really the best time to talk.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Missing it'll be social suicide.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Everyone's going.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09< Not everyone!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11But we didn't have the money. And it's easy to say no then.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14So you're blaming our poor departed Mum for giving us the money?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18No, Tommy, I'm blaming you. For not keeping your mouth shut.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I found this passbook the other day, and it turns out
0:04:21 > 0:04:26that your mother had been putting bits and pieces aside for years for you two.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I've divided it equally. Now, there's not much.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- How much is not much?- Chloe!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Er, Chlo, give us a minute here.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38- She don't need to know how much it is.- 750 quid, you beauty!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Yes! I'm going skiing! Fantastic!
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Thanks for that.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Yeah, she'd never have noticed you bought a guitar(!)
0:04:47 > 0:04:52- She wouldn't know how much it cost. - So when are you taking it back? - I'm not taking it back.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57- Course you're taking it back. You always cave in to your daughter. - No I don't.- To be fair, you do.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Right, yeah, well, not this time.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04She can whine, she can plead, she can use emotional blackmail but I'm not getting rid of this guitar.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Yeah, you'll take it back.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08No, I won't. I can be strong.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Anyway, what are you doing with your money? You haven't said.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15I don't know. 750 quid. That's loose change to a man like me.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You've never had cash like that before in your life.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22In the short term, I thought I might just hang on to it for a couple of days...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24you know, wave it at people.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Classy, yeah(!)
0:05:27 > 0:05:30If you're trying to kill yourself, Dad, the oven's more traditional.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35Hey, enough of that kind of talk. I've got a vulnerable man over here.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37All right, Brian? What's the problem?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39She's gone, son.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Jackie's finally left me.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Jackie?
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Jack... I think I know her. - Flawless skin. Raven hair.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Eyes like the first star on a winter's evening.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Oh, in that case, no, I don't.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55No, it is who you're thinking of. Barmaid at The Crown and Cushion.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00Don't worry, Brian. This is the exact same mood Dad gets in when he loses at the horses.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03But the next day, he just picks another and starts again.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Jackie's not a horse, son.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Tommy's right, Brian. You should look at this as an opportunity to move on.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Yeah, that's what Jackie said.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16She wants to get out there, live a bit more.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- She thinks I'm boring.- You?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Vice-captain of the dominoes team?
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- See, if you love something, it's best to let it go.- Yeah.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Where's the toilet, Jim?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31It's through there, in the hallway.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38Well done, Dad. There's a future for you in The Samaritans.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Well, it's what friends do, innit? Give advice in times of need.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Speaking of which. I was just wondering, um...
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- What?- How soon is too soon?
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- For what?- Well, I'm thinking of making a move.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56On Brian?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- On Jackie.- Dad!- What?
0:06:59 > 0:07:04- It's your best mate's girlfriend. - Ex-girlfriend. He's accepted it now, he's moved on.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09- Yeah, only because you told him to. - Listen, when you get to my age, you can't afford to let the grass grow!
0:07:09 > 0:07:14No, but you could at least wait till the previous gardener's cleared out his shed!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I knew you wouldn't understand.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Oh, I understand.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22Liam, have you heard this? This man is a bad influence on your kids.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Yeah, we already know that. - I don't think you do.- A minute ago you said I was a Samaritan.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Yeah, a Samaritan who'd cross the road to steal his mate's girlfriend. - What's all this?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Nothing. And don't talk to these two about being a bad influence.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- Especially after what happened on that couch!- Oh, my God, you told your dad.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40It just come up in conversation.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45What, "Thanks for fixing the washing machine and by the way we had sex on the couch"?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Yeah.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I can't believe you two!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Exposing the children to your depraved antics!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Depraved antics are the best kind, Dad.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Yeah. That poor lad's going to be completely screwed up now.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Yeah, but in fairness, Dad, he already was.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- This won't change that. - We didn't do it on purpose.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- He just walked in on us. - So did you stop?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Of course we stopped.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Why? You'd already exposed the lad to your depraved antics.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16Hang on. Will someone tell me what's so depraved about a married couple having sex?
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Do I really have to spell this out? You were doing it in the day time.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22What's this? What were they doing in the daytime?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Oh, just having sex on the couch.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Liam!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Oh, no, tell him the story, he needs cheering up. Look at his little face.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Well, basically, Caroline was tidying up in the front room...
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Liam! Brian doesn't need to hear full details of our private life.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39It's only private if it's behind a locked door.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43That's not the point. Anyway, it's Liam's mouth that shouldn't be allowed open.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46All right, I'm sorry. I won't tell anyone else.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Any road, er, I'll be off.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- Thanks for the advice mate. You're a rock.- See you, Bri.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53See you, Bri.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Oh, that poor, poor man. - What's that about?
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Ignore him. So, you taking that guitar back to the shop then?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- How many times? I'm not taking this guitar back.- Yeah, you'll cave in.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Chloe's got to realise the world doesn't revolve around her.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11- You'll give in.- I won't. All right, watch this, watch this... Chloe?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Chloe, can I just say, so we're all straight, this is my guitar,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18and I'm keeping it, and you're not going on this skiing holiday.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I know. I understand.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Good.- I understand it gives you pleasure to ruin my life.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- I'm not ruining your life. - You are.- You ruined mine first!
0:09:27 > 0:09:2915 years I've had to wait for this guitar.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32That's your fault! Angry chord... HE STRUMS A CHORD
0:09:32 > 0:09:36It's so unfair. Depriving me of a holiday just so he can have his Les Dennis guitar.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39It's a Les Paul.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- You can't even play it. - You can't ski.- I'd learn.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Well, so will I. HE STRUMS GUITAR BADLY
0:09:45 > 0:09:49You see, Chloe, being moody and selfish isn't going to work any more.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51He's the selfish one.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53It's not selfish.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Steve and Mikey love the guitar too.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- And I think it makes your Dad look pretty damn sexy.- Eurgh!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Look, I'm just saying, when you've been in a relationship as long as we have,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05you need little things like this.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Mum, what in my body language makes you think I want to hear this?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I mean it! It's just nice to keep things fresh.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- You've got no problems keeping things fresh from what I've heard. - What?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18The incident on the couch.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Oh, my God. Did your Dad tell you about that?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Urgh. No. Steve told me. After Mikey told Steve.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Why did they tell you?
0:10:25 > 0:10:30Either to put me off sex for life, or so I never sit on that couch again.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Either way, it worked.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Well, I'm sorry you had to hear about it.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Me too. It was the most disgusting story I've ever heard.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Er, excuse me! It's a good job I fancy your Dad - that's the reason you're here.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46No, Mum, I'm here because you fancied him 15 years ago.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49It's fancying him now that makes me sick.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Uncle Tommy, what are you doing? - Looking for money.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58I found a £2 coin down there last week.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Yeah? Well, it's a bit more than that.- How much?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- 750 quid. - You lost Grandma's money?!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05No, sssh.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Not lost, just mislaid. I had it about 20 minutes ago.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- Somewhere in this house there's an envelope full of money? - Yeah. Good. Good lad.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Have you checked upstairs?- Not yet.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Steve, if you... Hey!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22You will bring it down to me if you find it?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Bring it back to your Uncle Tommy, St... Steve?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- Chloe, can I ask you a question? - If you want. I've got nothing else to do.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Say you were seeing a lad, and you broke up.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40How soon would you be ready to get back out there?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I don't know. Um, how long was I seeing him?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- About 12 years.- Since I was three?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Yeah.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I'd probably be glad of a change by now, Grandad.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- Good. That's what I thought. What about the kids?- What?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Well, you've got two grown-up kids from a previous marriage.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Husband died in a chemical fire in 1990.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Right, we've gone a bit outside my experience now, Grandad.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Thanks for your help, I appreciate it. Is there anything I can do for you?
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Have you got £600?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10- No.- No, then.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13I've got something might cheer you up.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17There's a pair of marsh harriers breeding up in Morecambe Bay.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Right. I'm glad someone's having a good time...- Yeah.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22..but I don't see how it helps me.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Well, I thought we could take a trip up there, you know, check 'em out.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29No offence, but I wanted to go on a skiing trip with fit lads,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33not sit in a wet tent with my grandad watching birds shagging.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35No offence taken.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40You couldn't have a word with Dad, could you?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Tell him how disappointed I am.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48Not moody or sulky, just really sad. Say I was crying.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- You're not crying.- Do you want me to make myself cry? cos I can do it.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54No, no, fine, I'll have a word.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- What are you doing?- Looking for the money.- You've lost it?!
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Yeah. Don't tell Dad. You know what he's like. You know what he'll call me.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11- Pillock. And in what sense would he be wrong?- Look, I hate it when he calls me that.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13It reminds me when I was eight-years-old.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15What do you mean, you've lost it?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I'm sorry, Dad. I can't remember where I left him.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Pillock.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24The money has got to be in this house somewhere.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Well, I thought £750 was loose change to a man like you.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Well, it bloody isn't.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- Caroline, I've been... Oh, you're on the phone. - Well, it was very much a one-off.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Jake's very welcome round here any time.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Well, that was humiliating.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43- What's up?- Jake's mum doesn't want her son coming round to play with Mikey any more.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Why not?- Because she knows what Mikey saw us doing on the couch.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Oh. What did Mikey tell her?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51No, Liam. In fact you told Jake's dad.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Oh, yeah! I bumped into him at the petrol station. We got chatting.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Liam!
0:13:56 > 0:14:01- Well, it's good to get things out in the open. - Not with virtual strangers it isn't.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04All right, I'm sorry. I've put a lid on it now, I promise you.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Oh. what about Mikey telling people?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08He won't. We had an honest and open talk.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Now, Mikey, what you saw us doing there was...
0:14:12 > 0:14:16was just a pure and joyful expression of love between your mother and me.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19It looked like a lot of work.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Yeah, well, it can be strenuous.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23But it's, um...
0:14:23 > 0:14:26it's beautiful, right? It's nothing to be ashamed of.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Well, then how come you stopped?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32That's a good question.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36We stopped because we were saving the rest for later, you know, because it was so great.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38It looked like Mum was winning.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Well, win or lose, it's always fun to play the game, son.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46When can I play?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Mikey, er...
0:14:48 > 0:14:52It's like, um, it's like the rides at Alton Towers,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56you've got to be a certain age or size to go on, right?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59But you'll get there. And when you do, just remember
0:14:59 > 0:15:03it's beautiful and it's natural and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- OK.- OK, mate? Right, go on get yourself inside.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Hey, don't show your brother that ice lolly, he'll get jealous.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Oh, I'm a great Dad!
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Now he knows it's normal, he won't bother telling people about it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19It'll be fine.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Hi, Mum.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Hi Dad.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Martyr.- She's devastated that girl. - Oh, come on Dad.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34I'm getting enough guilt off Chloe, I don't need it off you as well.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- She cried, you know.- She cried, or she threatened to make herself cry?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- Well... - You do know she's using you, Jim.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I happen to be on her side. Poor girl's entitled to a holiday.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46What about me? You know we didn't set out to make Chloe miserable.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49We set out with every intention of buying a washing machine.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50- It feels good.- Yeah.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52We're doing something sensible.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Oh, sweet god of rock! Look at that! Oh, it's beautiful!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- Can we go in quickly?- Yeah.- Come on.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05No, It's your money, you never buy anything for yourself,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07and you know how I feel about guitarists.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Not you!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Hi pal. Can I have a look at your Les Paul in the window, please?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- I don't think so.- I just wanted a quick try before you buy - get the feel of it.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Look mate, I've got real customers. - Excuse me, he's a real customer.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23No love, he is a time-waster.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Him and his brother have been coming in here for five years
0:16:26 > 0:16:30trying before they buy. They play the guitars...
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Stop, Tommy, wait, wait, wait. I'm playing lead.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35No, I'm playing lead.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39..they smudge the guitars...
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Tommy, just let me play it...
0:16:40 > 0:16:42CRASH!
0:16:42 > 0:16:45..they do not buy the guitars. They don't buy anything.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Yeah, well maybe the reason they don't buy is cos
0:16:48 > 0:16:50the staff in here are so damn rude.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Liam, we're leaving.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56No, no, hang on, hang on. I want to teach this guy a lesson.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59You see, mate, you shouldn't judge people by their appearances.
0:16:59 > 0:17:04For all you know, I've got the money to buy that guitar right here...
0:17:04 > 0:17:08see that, look at it. Ooh, look at that!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10now that's gone, gone forever now.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- Unless you throw in a free strap. - All right, yeah, whatever.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- Box of plectrums?- No. - It was worth a try. There you go.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I hope you've learnt your lesson.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- That poor deprived girl. - Jim, think about it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Even if we did give her the money we've got two other kids.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29It wouldn't be fair on them.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Oh, don't worry about me. I'm all right for money.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- How are you all right for money? - Nothing. I just meant I'm all right.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- So you've got money? How? - Leave the boy alone, Tommy.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- You've got £750.- Yeah I know.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Right, well that's enough work for today.- Oh, is it fixed?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50No not yet. It's a good three-day job is this, love.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Er, I think I might, er, go for a drink.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Maybe pop down The Crown and Cushion.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Anybody want to come with me?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Good. Bye.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Two, three, four...
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Woo!
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Eh? What do you think?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Yeah? Good?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Cor! You stink!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22So does your band.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24No, honestly, you smell proper terrible.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27That's from work. I realise I need to earn my money for the skiing trip
0:18:27 > 0:18:30so I got a job in the chip shop - battering haddock.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Well, good for you! - Yep, hooray for me.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Chloe, I'm serious. That shows real maturity and a sensible attitude to got out...
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh, God!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Oh, go and have a shower or summat.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- It's like standing in a cloud of vinegar.- Oh, all right.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Oh! Oh!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Right, on the nod. Two, three four...
0:18:54 > 0:18:58- Caroline, any sign of my cash? - Sorry, Tommy.- The kids not said owt?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- No.- No, cos of course they'd say if they found it(!)
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- Of course they would.- Yeah? 11-year-old boy finds a brown envelope
0:19:05 > 0:19:08full of 750 quid - he's bound to hand it in, isn't he?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Er, don't judge him by your standards.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- Have you told your Dad you've lost it yet?- Of course I haven't.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- You know what he'll call me. - Pillock.- Yeah, don't.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Also he'll think it's disrespectful to Mum - not that he can talk.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- What d'you mean? - Has your Liam not told you?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Last night, we followed him to the pub.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34And to think I was going to stay in and watch the telly!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38What's he doing?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- You're kidding?- Nope.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- With his best mate's girlfriend? - Yep.- What a rat.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46And after he told me I was depraved.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Well, let's just say you're both right.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- Did you hear the band?- I did.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I thought your cowbell player was excellent. How was school?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56It was rubbish, Mum. I got detention.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00- What? What did you do?- Not just me. The whole of Delta class did.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02What were you doing in Delta class?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I got moved in there today. Here's a note.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Isn't Delta where they put all them ASBO kids?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09There's nowt to worry about, I did two years in Delta.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12It made me the man I am today.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- We've got to get him out of that class.- How did you end up there?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I don't know. I was just talking to people.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I found a frog behind my house.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- I saw my parents doing it. - What was it like?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25It was beautiful and natural.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28You can have some of your clothes on, or you can have
0:20:28 > 0:20:31none of your clothes on, but you can't have all of your clothes on.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33That's the one way you can't have it.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35It looks a bit strange
0:20:35 > 0:20:39but my Dad says that it's joyful and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I am right, aren't I?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Yes, you are son, yeah.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Now go and get yourself changed, go on.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Oh, my God!- I know!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- Putting him in Delta class for telling the truth. - That's not the issue Liam.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54You and Mikey are sharing our intimate details with half the school.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59He's told them now, it's over. If we make a big deal of things it'll just make it worse.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Nice top you've got, Steve.- Thanks.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- New is it?- Pretty new. - Yeah? How much did that cost you? - I don't know. Mum bought it me.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Mum bought it you. Very convenient.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Uncle Tommy, if I had that much money, do you really think I'd spend it on clothes?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Money? What money? Who mentioned money? I didn't mention money.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- Hide me. Quick, someone's after me. - Why, what happened?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- I had a friend stay over last night.- Jackie? - But it's not what you think.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31All right, it IS what you think.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- DOORBELL RINGS - Go to the door. Say I'm not here.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- In fact, say I'm dead. - You're not dead.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38I will be if he comes in here!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- If who comes in? - Grandad, visitor for you.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Mum, do you know what brings out gravy?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Until the washer's fixed, that would be soap and a scrubbing brush.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- Do you want to know why I'm covered in gravy?- Have you got a job in a chip shop?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01It's the only job I could find.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05But I realise I need to earn my skiing money, rather than deprive Dad of his fun.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- You've done the maths right, Chlo? - How do you mean?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11The only way you could earn the cash in time would be...
0:22:11 > 0:22:14say, for your Dad to see his little princess covered in batter
0:22:14 > 0:22:17and feel so guilty that he just paid for the ski trip.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19That never crossed my mind.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Well, it crossed mine.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Yeah, it's a good plan,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26and your Dad's soft enough to fall for it. But I'm not.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31You might as well accept defeat, and just be happy for your Dad
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Fine. At least I can pack in that job.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Oh, and Mum, don't ask me why,
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- but I think we should stop buying pies from them.- Noted.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45So, er, Brian, how are you keeping?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- It's been a while. - It's been one day, Jim.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53One day since I sat in that kitchen and you told me to let Jackie go.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- See what was out there. - Has it? As recent as that?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59A lot can happen in one day, Jim.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Yes. The thing is Brian...
0:23:01 > 0:23:05No, Jim, let me speak because there's something I want to say to you.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I want to say
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- thank you.- You what?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I did exactly what you said.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I let her walk away and now she wants me back!
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- She what?- She rang me an hour ago.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Apparently she tried what was out there and she didn't like it.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Did she not?- What do you mean she didn't like it?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Well, I don't know the specifics. I didn't ask.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35All she said was the grass might seem greener, Brian,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38but it's riddled with weeds.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40What's that supposed to mean?
0:23:40 > 0:23:45I let her go. She came back and it's all down to you.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Oh, that's great, Dad. That must feel fantastic!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Yeah, brilliant.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56- So Dad, I've been thinking and I just want you to know I'm fine about the guitar thing.- Really?
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Yeah, I wouldn't have enjoyed going skiing knowing that you'd give up something you loved.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Come here, Chloe. Come and sit with your old Dad.
0:24:04 > 0:24:09I'd hate to think that you'd missed out on something so important to you.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10- Ah, Chloe...- Yeah?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- I can't enjoy it now either. - Oh, yes, you can.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16No I can't, I can't.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20The best thing is, I'll take the guitar back, get the washing machine.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Oh, no, but you love that guitar.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Yeah, I know, but it's selfish. I'll get the washer.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- But buying a washer's not going to make you happy. - Neither's a guitar any more.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34So if you're taking the guitar back anyway, maybe I SHOULD go skiing?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Because me being happy makes you happy, right?
0:24:36 > 0:24:41- Yeah, course.- And, if you're happy, then that would make me happy. So it's win, win.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- Yeah, I suppose so...- Oh, thanks Dad! That's amazing!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49What happened?
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Oh, no, no, it's fine, you know. We talked about it and...
0:24:53 > 0:24:54I don't know, what did happen?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Hello, Lucy? Guess what?
0:24:57 > 0:25:01I'm going skiing! I know!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Oh, my God, you caved in.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06No, no, no, no. We both caved in.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- And she ended up with a ski trip? - How did she do that?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Right then, Jim, I'll be off.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16That's a nice coat you got there, Brian. New, is it?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- Sorry?- I'm just saying I didn't see that on you yesterday,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22I thought you might have come into some money since you were here?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- What are you talking about? - Yeah, what are you talking about?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I lost Mum's money, all right?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- You what?- I lost it. It was in the kitchen in a brown envelope.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Oh, aye? What, like this?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35It's exactly like that. You had it?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Course I had it, you daft sod.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- You left it on the kitchen table yesterday.- And you nicked it?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43No. I was waiting for you to admit you'd lost it. Pillock.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47This is my living room. That's me Mum, that's me Dad
0:25:47 > 0:25:49and that's the couch.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Mikey, who are these people?
0:25:55 > 0:26:00- This is Jake.- Someone told my Dad at the petrol station that you do it and let people watch.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03Liam?
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Get out! Get out!
0:26:04 > 0:26:09- And talk to your son, please. - I thought we're not allowed to talk?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Talk to him now. And after that, shut up.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Mikey, Mikey, Mikey,
0:26:15 > 0:26:19that's enough. Now son, you don't invite people round to watch us.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Is that because what you did was bad?
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Yeah. No, no it's... Some people think it's bad but it's not.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Should I tell people that?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Well, yeah, you...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31It's just, the world's a confusing place, right?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33And some people get wound up about stuff that...
0:26:33 > 0:26:37that although it's completely natural, they just don't like it.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- Dad.- Yes, son?- I don't understand a word you're saying.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- Right.- Should I just
0:26:43 > 0:26:45shut up about what I saw?
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Yeah, if that's how you want to deal with it, that's fine.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Great. Can I go and play in my room now?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Yeah. course you can. Go on, son.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Oh, I'm such a great Dad.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- What was that all about? - He told you yesterday.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02They have sex on that couch.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Yeah, but I never expected they allowed people round to watch.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- We don't.- They just occasionally leave the doors open.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- It's immoral if you ask me. - Oh, give over Dad, immoral.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I'm sorry son, but I can only say what I feel.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Oh! OK, Jim. Fair enough, if that's your opinion.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Um, so on the scale of immorality, how does it compare with...
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Oh, I don't know, betraying a friend?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- What? - I think you heard the question.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- You wouldn't.- I wouldn't, no.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I'm talking about other people... who would!
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Right well, er... Come on, Brian, don't want to keep you.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40- You have to get back to Jackie to patch things up, yeah? - Hang on Brian, hang on.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Let's just hear what Dad's got to say on the topic of morals, shall we?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Yeah, come on, Dad.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Yeah, well, er...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Obviously perhaps I was a bit, er... hasty.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Judgemental like.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Oh, is that right?
0:27:54 > 0:28:01Yes. And, er... whatever you do in the privacy of your own living room is no concern of mine.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Ah, thank you, Jim, I appreciate that.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08- You're excellent parents. The best. - Oh, thank you.
0:28:08 > 0:28:09- Oh, and one other thing.- What?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Your washing machine's knackered!
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Ah did you get the refund then?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Not a total refund, no.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23- Eh?- Well, would, er, something a bit lower down the range get you going?
0:28:23 > 0:28:24Oh, what d'you get?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Boom!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31What do you think about that?
0:28:33 > 0:28:34I'll take it back.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:57 > 0:29:00E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk