0:00:03 > 0:00:05# For anyone who loves
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# For anyone who feels
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# I'm never giving up
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Until the dream is real
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Until the dream is real. #
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Right. Let's just agree never to see another film about talking lizards.
0:00:25 > 0:00:31The evening is still young. The kids are out. Let's do it in the only room in the house we haven't used.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Get in that toilet.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- AAAAH!- Oh, my...!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- What are YOU doing?!- Don't run after him! He's got a knife!
0:00:41 > 0:00:46- No, I haven't!- It's just the light shining on his watch.- Get out!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48That's the boys' laptop! Kill him!
0:00:48 > 0:00:54- That's got my boy's Ancient Egypt project on that! Do you know how hard it was getting it?!- All right!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- Get over yourself, mate! - Phone the police!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Ah, the bloody kids have taken the phone again!
0:01:01 > 0:01:06- What should I do with him? - Lock him in the toilet?- Good one!
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Get in there! The lock's on the inside!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- What a stupid place to put a lock. - Wedge it!
0:01:16 > 0:01:23- Come on! Let me go!- You should have thought of that before you put your Bart Simpson mask on!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25It's Barbara Windsor!
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Is it?! Don't do anything weird in there.
0:01:29 > 0:01:34- Me? You were going to have sex in here!- Never mind about us!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36What's the number?
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- "What's the number?"?! - Didn't they change it from 999?
0:01:42 > 0:01:43No!
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Let's make a deal! You let me go and we'll split the gear.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Split the gear? It's our gear! - Oh, yeah.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58I know what it was - you can dial 112 now as well. European Union.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Shall I dial that, see if it works?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- Shall we get on?- Sorry.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Don't!
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I was at school with you.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Dave Tandy.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16The Tandyman?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Yeah!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Oh, we hated you!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23What? Why?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I feel sorry for him now.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33- Maybe we should let him go(!)- Yeah. That could have been you.- You what?
0:02:33 > 0:02:37You were wild, Liam. If I hadn't got pregnant and straightened you out...
0:02:37 > 0:02:44Maybe you held me back! I could have been a nuclear physicist! Right, maybe not nuclear, but a physicist.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Vigilante fascists!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Come on! Dial 999 or whatever!
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Hello. I need to report an intruder. - Get in there! Get in there!
0:02:55 > 0:03:00- You can't put me in a cupboard! - Watch me. Get in there. Get in.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08I'll drink this Cif, then you'll be in trouble!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- The police are on their way. - DOORBELL
0:03:11 > 0:03:17- Say what you want about the filth, but that was quick.- Evening all! - Don't let him see this!
0:03:18 > 0:03:23- You'll never guess what I'm holding. - No, I'm not falling for that again.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29It's a fish!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- Dad, now's not a great time. - Would the supermarket not cut it up?
0:03:33 > 0:03:40No, I fished it! I'm not always great with people, but I do understand fish.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Oh!
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I've dropped my cod.
0:03:44 > 0:03:50- You been celebrating then, Jim? - So would you if you caught the fifth biggest cod ever in the northwest.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55I've never been photographed by so many men in rubber boots.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- I hope you didn't drive in that state.- No, Kevin drove.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Your brother Kevin. Not Kevin Costner.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Well, thanks for clearing that up.
0:04:06 > 0:04:13He went to the chippy for some chips. I think it was seeing the fish. He wanted the full set.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18I must warn you, he's a bit jealous. It's a very ugly emotion.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- This is like a really bad dream. - Ohh...
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Where is he?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Ah.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- Dad, bye. Bye, Dad. Bye. Come on. - OK, bye.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36You don't seem very impressed.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41THUMPING Let me out!
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Shut it! Make yourself useful. Clean the cupboard.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I'll give you money to let me go.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48No!
0:04:48 > 0:04:53You'll just carry on your despicable career of crime.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Hey, do you ever see Colin Ustey from school?
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- Oh, yeah. He's a postman now. He's totally bald.- Don't chat to him!
0:05:03 > 0:05:07It's probably him who burgled my auntie Lynn.
0:05:07 > 0:05:13- LAUGHTER - Oh, no, Chloe!- Don't let her in. Tell her it's old people snogging.
0:05:16 > 0:05:23- Hi, Mum. Why's Grandad got a massive fish in a towel?- I can't find a bag big enough. Hello. I don't know you.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Megan.
0:05:26 > 0:05:32Right. Don't go in the kitchen. I'm giving your dad a massage on the table.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38- Eeew! Could you be any more gross? - Well, they have their appetites. What can you do?
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- I'll probably hop on myself afterwards.- Eeew!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Oh, I don't like the look of you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:55- Oh, I've got to talk to you about Dad. He cannot... - Not a good time.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Your dad was so brave. He was a big bloke and your dad took him on.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Stop it, Caroline. I was just protecting my family.
0:06:06 > 0:06:12- So what did the police say? - "What's that smell of fish?" Then they took the guy away.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Don't be so modest, Liam. They high-fived you. One gave him a hug.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21- Wow, Dad.- Sometimes you've just got to fight violence with violence.
0:06:21 > 0:06:27All due respect to Gandhi, he didn't live in Manchester during a recession.
0:06:27 > 0:06:32You should have let him nick my Egypt project, though. It's really crap.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36- Hi. Megan slept over last night. Hope that's all right.- Sure.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Her parents are getting divorced. - Me mum's a cow and me dad's a pig.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Get yourself a chicken and you're halfway to a decent farm.
0:06:44 > 0:06:51- I can't believe you locked a burglar in a cupboard and didn't say.- Friday night - a movie and a kidnapping!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I'd have let him go.
0:06:53 > 0:06:59- Well, we did think about that. - That makes you like an oppressor. - That's like true, actually.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03So you've destroyed his life. Let's get breakfast.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07You're what's wrong with this country.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11All right, I'm going to lock HER in a cupboard!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Give Megan a chance. She's only a kid. You forgotten your mates?
0:07:15 > 0:07:21Whatsisface who set fire to bins and ran around shouting, "Fire! Bin! Fire! Bin!"
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Ah, Brendan. Very much misunderstood.
0:07:24 > 0:07:31- Fat Pete, stole shoes from bowling alleys.- Also misunderstood. He's not even fat. Just got bad posture.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- You awright? - Hey, Uncle Kevin.
0:07:36 > 0:07:43- I've come to congratulate the have-a-go hero.- I just did what I had to do using my God-given powers.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Good stuff, man. Proud of you. - Cheers, Kev.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Shame I wasn't here. In Aikido I've learnt to subdue using the pressure points.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Isn't that Star Trek?- Yes. I think that's where they got the idea from.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Why did you give up martial arts? - I got scared of my own potency.
0:08:00 > 0:08:06- Yeah, I get that. - Well, I'll just leave you two to discuss your super powers.
0:08:08 > 0:08:15- How's Captain Birdseye? - Pretty bad. Sleeping it off. He spent all night toasting the fish.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- Toasting it?- Drinking to it.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Oh, right.- I found him asleep with it on the sofa.- Let's have a look.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Ah ha ha ha!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Send it to me. I'll put it in the blackmail file.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31GIRLS LAUGH
0:08:31 > 0:08:37And your mum's all like, "Chloe, I'm the ballbreaker and he's the meathead
0:08:37 > 0:08:41"and I'm giving him an erotic massage cos we invented sex."
0:08:41 > 0:08:48- No, they're all right, my mum and dad.- You've got to screw with parents' heads or what's the point?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57This nail varnish will not dry!
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- Oh, dear. - OK, put her in a cupboard!
0:09:08 > 0:09:12What happened to, "She's only a kid, give her a chance"?
0:09:12 > 0:09:17We've just got to get to know her better. I was a handful at her age.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19And look at you now.
0:09:19 > 0:09:25I reckon you'll get an award from the police for catching the guy. Like a BAFTA. A POFTA!
0:09:25 > 0:09:29It's not about that, Kev. ..Seriously, though, you reckon?
0:09:30 > 0:09:35Right, I better get back and let Dad have a last go with his cod jokes.
0:09:35 > 0:09:42- You ARE jealous.- I should be! I landed the thing. I reeled it in while he was seasick on his shoes.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Awww!
0:09:44 > 0:09:45No, not "awww".
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Have you ever tried to get sick out of shoes?- He's a nightmare.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54He's given you a room in his house with all your annoying habits. Sleep humming.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- Yesterday, I was taking a shower... - It's MY bathroom. Out you come!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I'm taking a shower!
0:10:12 > 0:10:18- Did you just use a credit card to open the bathroom door?- Move it, sonny! Big Daddy is flossing.
0:10:18 > 0:10:24- Do I not have any rights?- Yes. You have the right to remain silent, which I urge you to do.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It's like I don't exist.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32What did you say?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Ah, yeah.
0:10:39 > 0:10:46- You all right, girls?- Megan's just had a call from her parents. It's so grim.- Oh, sorry.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51My life's such a mess. My parents won't let me stay with either of them.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- She's looked into being adopted. - Well, good luck with that.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57What?
0:10:57 > 0:11:02- I'm just saying, can you do that? - If your parents are that bad.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06You're so much nicer than my dad!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09So is Goebbels by the sound of it!
0:11:09 > 0:11:16- Please, Dad!- What? This is a big thing. Not like adopting that llama from Chester Zoo.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18MEGAN WEEPS
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Hey, hey, hey. It's all right. I'll think about it, all right?
0:11:23 > 0:11:29Ha! Told you, Chloe. Less than a minute to get an adult to adopt you.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You girls...
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- Let's kick 'em out right now! - No, that'll make Chloe hate us.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- We must destroy her! - Before she destroys our daughter. - DOORBELL
0:11:47 > 0:11:49CAROLINE SIGHS
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Hello?- Mr Flynn?- Yeah, that's me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- PC Clark.- Yeah, come in. Love, it's the police! Put your spliff out!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- She's not smoking a spliff. She was...- No, I realise that.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Morning, lads. Are you carrying a piece?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- I'll give you a quid for a go with your Taser.- In the room, boys.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23- Sorry, just...- I've been given details of the incident yesterday. - Yeah, it was all a bit crazy.
0:12:23 > 0:12:30- At one point we thought the burglar had a knife.- Yeah.- But it was just...- Light shining on his watch.
0:12:30 > 0:12:37- I gather you shut him in a cupboard. - Yes, under the sink. It has a lock from when Mikey ate washing powder.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Cos it looks like snow.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Yes. You may be charged with assault.
0:12:45 > 0:12:52- What?- You what?- For incarcerating the alleged intruder in inhumane conditions in a cupboard.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54None of our cupboards are inhumane.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57They locked me in there once! It weren't too bad.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59No...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02It was a bit of fun. I wasn't...
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Anyway, what do you mean "alleged"? He intruded.
0:13:05 > 0:13:11- If he's an alleged intruder, you are an alleged policeman. - Steady, love.- Sorry.
0:13:11 > 0:13:17- His complaint is you used undue force.- If I'd used any less force he'd have run off!
0:13:17 > 0:13:22- No doubt to the sound of you whooping and applauding.- Dad says you fight violence with violence.
0:13:23 > 0:13:29- Hang on...- He's very strong. He held me by my feet once and swung me round in the garden.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Until I hit my head on the shed.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- It was an accident. - So he'd make a good copper.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- Go to your room, boys, eh? - Look, Liam put his life on the line.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46The burglar was wearing a Barbara Windsor mask. You have no idea how scary that is.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Barbara Windsor?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51That's a right carry on.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- I don't believe this.- Anyway, I just wanted you to be aware
0:13:57 > 0:14:02we've had a serious complaint which we shall be pursuing.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- It's outrageous! What's the world coming to?- I couldn't believe it.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13- You'll have to do something.- I know. - But first, and more importantly...
0:14:16 > 0:14:20this is me... in Northwest Angler.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27My cod! Hey! They should have used that.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31No, they don't do fish puns. They're not funny after a while.
0:14:31 > 0:14:37- See you've already framed it, then. - I've done half a dozen. That's yours.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Did it put up a struggle? Like Mum did?
0:14:41 > 0:14:46Ah, yes. It was an epic battle of wits between man and fish...
0:14:46 > 0:14:51especially as I was being seasick at the time and I'm guessing the fish wasn't.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Here you are - get that down your neck. That'll see you to Christmas.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Cheers, Dad(!)
0:14:58 > 0:15:03Hiya, Jim. So you've heard about our problem?
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Oh, yeah. In my day, you took justice into your own hands.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Coppers were there to see biddies across the road.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14That's for your mum and dad.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19- Aw, thanks. They'll be thrilled. - Yeah.- Cod Almighty.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- No, we're not doing fish puns. - Oh, OK.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Although as I said on Stockport Community Radio today,
0:15:27 > 0:15:33I was recently fishing and I saw this tortoise on the river bank topple in and drown.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Turtle disaster!
0:15:37 > 0:15:43Dad, in your interviews with the world's media, could you mention that Kevin helped land the fish?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- He did not! - Kevin's feeling ignored.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50This is your son Kevin, not Kevin Costner.
0:15:50 > 0:15:56Look, if I show him any more love, he'll never leave home and then in ten years' time he'll hate me!
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- What kind of psychology is that?! - Hello, who's this?
0:16:00 > 0:16:07- Hello, girls!- It's our favourite daughter and her lovely friend. - Let us know if you need anything.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- Laters!- Bye!
0:16:11 > 0:16:16What in the name of crap were you doing? It was like human syrup!
0:16:16 > 0:16:21- Trying to get rid of the devil child in there.- If we tell Chloe we hate her friend, she'll like her more.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Aye, I remember that. Leave it to me. I'll break her.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Thank you, the Teen Whisperer.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Mind you, you'd never have met Liam if you didn't like a bad crowd.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37Will people stop saying that?! Oh, here's the Megan-star!
0:16:37 > 0:16:42How do you get your hair like that, Megs? That's so...sick.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- Hi, Grandad.- All right, sweetheart?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I hear you're trouble.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56Step out of line again, one phone call from me and you're in care.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Chloe's parents agree with me, but are too scared to say.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07That's so mean!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Look, I-I'm sorry, love.
0:17:12 > 0:17:18I'm not used to girls. I had three lads. If they got upset, they just went shoplifting.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- Seriously, will you stop saying that? - How can I cheer her up?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Give...me...some...thing.
0:17:27 > 0:17:33- Give her some of that fish! - I don't want fish! - Oh, all right...
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Here you are. Buy something nice.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Oh...
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Ha! Thanks, Grandad!
0:17:47 > 0:17:48OK.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Lock her in the cupboard.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Caroline! I've just looked online. I could be in trouble.
0:17:58 > 0:18:04- Really?- This bloke chained up a kid for stealing garden gnomes. Perfectly normal.
0:18:05 > 0:18:11- He got six month! - Look, we'll work on our defence. Kids, food! Grandad's fish!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Summat smells odd.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16What's that smell?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Fish.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Plus...anti-freeze.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27You're right. Garlic...ginger...
0:18:27 > 0:18:29And a splash of anti-freeze.
0:18:29 > 0:18:34My dad's got some in the boot of his car. It must have spilled on the fish!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Kids, food! Baked beans!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Man...
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Dad? Bad news.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47You'll have to be quick. I bought 40 hours of fishing DVDs to watch.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- Why?- I'm a high-profile angler now. I need to know my stuff.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58- Dad, listen, did you carry the fish home in the boot of your car? - Yeah. I'll lend you these later.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Total Carp.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05- Like it.- Extreme fishing with some Geordie idiot.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07That's not the actual title.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Dad, you've got anti-freeze all over the fish.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I was wondering why I was having trouble freezing it.
0:19:15 > 0:19:22Hang on! You know who put it in the back of my car? Kevin, the little git!
0:19:22 > 0:19:28Do you seriously think Kevin purposely dumped your celebrity fish in your anti-freeze?
0:19:28 > 0:19:35You have no idea of the skullduggery. I once saw a man offer his girlfriend for a big turbot!
0:19:35 > 0:19:41Dad, I'm going now. Listen, I'd talk to Kevin before he really hates you. Right?
0:19:45 > 0:19:52Steve, you know when the police came round? You made me look like Attila the...Dad.
0:19:52 > 0:19:58- So next time we're going to dwell on our family's more positive qualities like...- Yes!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00No, like, um...
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Like, like... - It's hard, this, isn't it?
0:20:03 > 0:20:11Cos it's a bloody outrage! I work hard, keep my nose clean and only stuck someone in the cupboard once!
0:20:11 > 0:20:16- Except when you did it to me. - You liked it! You were being Harry Potter!
0:20:16 > 0:20:22- And I should have remembered you were in there. Sorry.- If you go to prison, can I have your phone?
0:20:24 > 0:20:29That's it, that's it. Get to your room! Think about what you just said. Go on!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- I love saying that.- It's not funny.
0:20:34 > 0:20:40I mean, we've all nearly died of anti-freeze poisoning, our daughter is with the Junior Antichrist
0:20:40 > 0:20:45- and I might go to prison for making a citizen's arrest!- We'll have to get in touch with Dave Tandy.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- The Tandyman(?)- Yeah.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52- How?- Well, he's on Facebook. His profile picture is a mugshot.
0:20:52 > 0:20:59- Really?- We'll tell him we'll get the burglary charges dropped if he lets us off the hook.- All right.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Hey, Chloe. Where have you been?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- Chill, Liam. - What did you say?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Chill, Liam.
0:21:07 > 0:21:13- Why are you calling me that? - Megan calls her parents by their first names. I like it.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- It puts us on a more even footing. - Who do you...?!- Wait, Liam! I'll handle this.
0:21:18 > 0:21:24Who do you think you are?! He is Dad, Daddy or Sir to you, silly girl!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Your beans are burning, Caroline.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33It's your daughter.
0:21:35 > 0:21:41- LOUD MUSIC FROM BATHROOM - Kevin, if I've ever come across as uncaring, then I'm...
0:21:41 > 0:21:43You know.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48My generation don't believe in showing affection.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Except to the Queen and pets.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Dad?- Chloe, in here.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Sit down, please.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- I want a word about Megan.- Oh...! - Look, we're not expecting anyone to be perfect.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Your dad was a pretty bad lad, you know.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Oh, yeah, I was. I killed people for fun.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31But, you know, we learn from our mistakes.
0:22:31 > 0:22:36Thanks, but I've done a list of mates of mine you've objected to.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- Katie at Sunday school because she was a nit machine.- She was.
0:22:41 > 0:22:47- Jack, Year Five, because he always had his hands down his trousers. - Dirty sod.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Ali next door who taught me the F word, G word and the C word.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53What's the G word?!
0:22:53 > 0:22:59Look, funnily enough, because we love you, we'll always try to protect you from bad influences,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- like Megan. - I'm not seeing Megan any more!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Right, then. Well, thank you for listening.
0:23:09 > 0:23:15No, it wasn't you. She was just really, really rude about my new earrings.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19DOORBELL
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Right, then.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Hello, David.- Tandyman.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Hi.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Come in.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42- I've got a rug like that.- Probably nicked it off her Auntie Lynn.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45It's all right. It's in the past, you know.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Look, I'm sorry. What I did was really out of character.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Are you sure? You've got previous.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- What?- Handling a stolen fence?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00No, no...
0:24:01 > 0:24:04No, it means he was a fence.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Someone who handles stolen goods.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11No, she's right. I did handle a stolen fence.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Right.
0:24:15 > 0:24:21But that was way back. I've been legal. It was seeing your open window that did it.
0:24:21 > 0:24:28- Oh, really? And you just had a Barbara Windsor mask(?)- Yeah. For an EastEnders fancy dress party.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33It's me! All right? I need to borrow this.
0:24:33 > 0:24:40He screams at me for a harmless fish-based prank. Well, he can suck on this, so-called Big Daddy.
0:24:40 > 0:24:47I don't blame you for not trusting me, but I've told the police you were just defending your house.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- Thank you.- Yeah, thank you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:57- Well, I won't keep you from your family.- Oh, please do. They're all on the naughty step.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Yeah, we've got a naughty staircase!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- Thank you. - DOORBELL
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Listen, I know what it's like when you can't escape your past.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18So...good luck, eh?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- Cheers, Liam.- All right.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- I've come to get me stuff. - It's in the kitchen.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- I'm sorry you're having trouble with your parents, Megan.- What?
0:25:30 > 0:25:35Oh, no. Bob and Dawn are cool. I was just mucking about.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39You're not very bright, are you?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- You what?- I heard when you were my age you were a right thug.
0:25:44 > 0:25:50- Your new mate has just done you again. He just walked off with your laptop.- Stop trying to wind us up.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53It won't work any more.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I don't believe it! He's nicked it!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Make us a sandwich, would you?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Found it in a bush.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Where's Megan?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I have no idea.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Let me out! - POUNDING
0:26:20 > 0:26:22A cup of tea?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Like your style.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Let me out!
0:26:33 > 0:26:39Seriously, if there's one thing more depressing than sitting on a muddy river bank holding a pole
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- it's...- Watching a TV programme about someone else doing it!
0:26:43 > 0:26:48You're missing the poetry of it. It's very calming.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50"And he's landed him.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54"Just look at the size of that tench."
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- He should use dynamite. - Yeah!
0:26:56 > 0:27:01- Got any Fishing With Dynamite DVDs? - No, I haven't!
0:27:01 > 0:27:06Oh, Chloe, have I told you the story about how I caught my big dish?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Yeah, I'm all right, thanks.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- I can give you the shorter version. - I'm all right, thanks.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14DOOR SLAMS
0:27:14 > 0:27:17That'll be the police to arrest us over Megan(!)
0:27:17 > 0:27:22- It's me - toilet! - They call me Cupboard at school!
0:27:22 > 0:27:28Do you know, the weird thing is Megan left that cupboard really clean and tidy.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33- I decided I quite like her.- Have you got the new Northwest Angler, Dad?
0:27:33 > 0:27:38- I only buy it if I'm on the front page.- You should get it today, then!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Yeah, thanks(!)
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Two weeks running on the front page. Probably a record.
0:27:49 > 0:27:55Oh, I don't want to carp, but are you two going to kiss and hake up?
0:27:55 > 0:28:00- Oh, you've only gone and done it! - Eel apologise when he's ready!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Not until he stops being shellfish.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08I'll mullet over!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12'Ere you are. 'Ere you are.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Whale be very grateful!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I'll think of a better one in a minute.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25# I know it's gonna be all right
0:28:27 > 0:28:31# Forever I'll be by your side
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# For everyone you love
0:28:36 > 0:28:40# For everyone you feel
0:28:40 > 0:28:44# I'm never giving up
0:28:44 > 0:28:47# Until the dream is real. #