0:00:03 > 0:00:05# For anyone who loves
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# For anyone who feels
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# I'm never giving up!
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Until the dream is real
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Until the dream is real. #
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Family meeting!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Oh, it¹s times like this I wish I had more body hair.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44You don¹t do bad, love!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48First one down here gets a tenner!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I was lying about the tenner.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Stay, stay, stay!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Me and your mum have got some serious news.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05With the boiler going, we¹ve got no money until the end of the month.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- You¹ve always got no money! - And now we¹ve got less than that.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14You¹re great and everything, but we had you lot so young that we¹ve spent our lives chasing our arses.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18It¹s a financial term.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Are you saying it¹s MY fault? - No, no. Of course not, love.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23It¹s the fault of all three of you, equally.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28But, what¹s great is, I¹ll show you all how to live frugally, like my old nan.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30She was weird and horrible!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Yes, she was, BUT...
0:01:33 > 0:01:37She knew how to get by on 98p a week.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40So come on, how are you all going to help?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I¹ve got the Christmas tips from my paper round. You can have that if you need it.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Don¹t say that. Come on, Steve... - Oh no, darling, that's yours.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- How much have you got?- No!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52We could help by begging.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Shop lifting.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57OK, you can just give up biscuits. Chloe?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Oh, before we come to me, you¹ll be giving up booze then, Mum!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03SHE SNIGGERS
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Look, I have the odd glass of wine.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Yeah, "odd", cos it contains half a pint.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Oh, right! I¹ll go without then.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14If you¹ll give up football on cable TV.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Yeah, of course. - You could cancel that now.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19I don¹t know the number.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Oh, it¹s just...it¹s just there.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- No, I¹ll tell you what I¹ll do, I'll sell a kidney.- Just do it, Liam!
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Hi, Uncle Kevin.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Hi, Mikey. It¹s either cold or you¹ve started a folk band.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I¹m going outside...
0:02:40 > 0:02:42to get warm.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49What¹s the Fat Controller doing in me garden?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Cheers for sorting Dad out with that job. It¹s transformed him.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57From a miserable sod to a miserable sod with a job.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Yeah, about that.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02He¹s come round to show the kids his uniform. You can¹t sack him.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- I- don¹t want to!
0:03:04 > 0:03:09I stuck my neck out to get him that job, but he¹s driving the guests mad at the hotel.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14What?!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Dad...- I¹m cancelling it! She¹s getting a pen!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I was going to say, I know this lad who fancies me who¹ll probably fit us a new boiler for free.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30- That saves us what, a grand? - Why are you being so kind and considerate?
0:03:30 > 0:03:31That¹s really wounding.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh, that¹s why it¹s cold. What happened to your boiler?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Yes, I blew up a boiler. Who hasn¹t?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Ah, yer...!
0:03:44 > 0:03:45You all right?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Yeah, yeah, fine. Just doing this.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Yeah, baby! Bow down to the king.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Do those things ever blow up?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02No, no! They¹ve got like a safety mechanism built in.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10I¹ve just taken the front off the boiler!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Should I be able to see flames?!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Sorted.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27At least I had a go.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- What do you think? - Oh, you look great, Jim.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34ALL: Yeah(!)
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Nice, Dad. Who¹s looking after your circus?
0:04:38 > 0:04:43It¹s cold in here. I can feel everything shrivelling up.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- We can¹t afford to fix the heating. - Do you know anything about boilers?
0:04:47 > 0:04:52- I know a lot about everything, not that anyone thinks to ask. - Do you know anything about boilers?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53No.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59- Right, I¹m passing your school. Who¹s ready for a lift in the Jimousine?- Cheers, Dad.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Hey, Chlo, Chlo. Who¹s that lad you said could fix the boiler?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Dean he¹s been hanging around me with his tongue out for ages.
0:05:06 > 0:05:12- Is he up to the job? - Er, no! He dresses like a teacher. I couldn¹t be seen out with him.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Is he up to the job of fixing the boiler?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Yeah, he¹s a techie brainiac.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18He built his old nan a stairlift out of a lawn mower.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Sweet.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- Or was it the other way round? - Hey, hey, get him in!
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Dad, did you cancel the cable TV? - Yeah, sorry, son.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31But it¹s City vs United this weekend!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- Oh, no! I forgot!- Come on City!!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Shut it, Dad!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- Why can¹t you both support the same team?- Aw, God!
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Joking, aren¹t you?! - Come on, Steve.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Your cable TV¹s not working.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48No! They¹ve not cut it off already! I¹ve only just cancelled it.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49You selfish git!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53How am I going to watch World Heads-Up Poker Challenge now?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Thanks!
0:05:57 > 0:06:02As it happens I¹m just about to reconnect it. Anyway, you¹re supposed to have stopped gambling.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I was only watching it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Hello, yeah. I¹ve just cancelled my subscription. I¹d like to reinstate it, please.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12What, how much?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I just did it.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18But what about the cooling-off period like when you buy a ferret online, like me kids did?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20It's all right.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24I can watch "Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman". Who needs cable TV?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26No, do it for nothing now!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29No, do it for nothing now!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31No, do it for nothing NOW!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34No, do it for noth...
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Are they doing it for nothing?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41You, you! You¹re going to pay to reconnect my premium TV.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44If I had that kind of money, I wouldn¹t be knocking round here.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48The derby¹s on at the weekend. Me and the boys always watch it together.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57- Afternoon, sir.- Afternoon.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Lovely suit, very natty. - Thank you.
0:07:00 > 0:07:05Another day another dollar. Or as they say in Vietnam, another day another dong.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12All right?
0:07:13 > 0:07:14All right.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22WOMEN TALK FRANTICALLY
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Afternoon, darlings.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Off shopping are you, sweetheart? Spending your husband¹s money?- No.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32My wife always used to say, "I only come alive when I¹m shopping."
0:07:32 > 0:07:34She¹s dead now.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36All right, Jim?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Oi!
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Nice top!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Not YOU, the busty girl behind ya!
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Jim!!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49They¹re going to a women in business seminar.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52In my experience, the ladies like to squeeze in some shopping, too.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Yeah, we¹ve noticed you calling women guests "darling" and "sweetheart".
0:07:57 > 0:08:00And now, "busty girl".
0:08:00 > 0:08:04They love it. Look, let¹s stop pretending we¹re all lady boys.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Well, you say that... - The way I see it, Caroline,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09the women are the ones with the breasts and the men have, er -
0:08:09 > 0:08:13and I¹ll use the official words, as it¹s you the meat and two veg.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I can see you¹ve done your research.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18You should get down the shops, too.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21That coat¹s no spring chicken, is it?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Yeah! I just... I can¹t decide between the Prada or the Versace.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Afternoon, gorgeous!- Oh...!
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Fine.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Have you moved since this morning?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Yes! I tried not to.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45It¹s actually a lot harder than it looks and, er, you¹re out of food.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50I know. We¹re cutting down. I¹m glad you¹re here. I¹ve worked out how we can make some money.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51How?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53You¹re going to make it for me poker!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55No! No way. No!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I am trying not to gamble.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I...I¹ve been to the Gamblers Anonymous disco.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05I¹ll do it online. You¹ve just got to show me what to do.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I swore to Mum on her deathbed that I¹d give up gambling.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09No, you didn¹t!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Yeah, but I meant to. I had it written down on my hand.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Well, it hasn¹t worked has it. You¹ve lived off gambling since primary school.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18You¹re brilliant at odds and probability theory and all that.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Would you force a recovering alcoholic to down a pint?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Yes, if it was to help me family.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26And anyway you owe us!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29After your girlfriend kicked you out you¹ve treated this place like a leisure centre.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- I¹m in a transitional phase. - Yes, well so are we.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35From poor but happy to dying on our backsides.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40- Come on! - How much have you got to play with?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- Ten quid.- Oh, that¹s insulting!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I¹m already in the "you must be joking" zone.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47If I go over that an alarm goes off at the bailiffs.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Don¹t tell Caroline.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54She¹s got gambling down there with incest and buying a puppy just for Christmas.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- DOOR SLAMS - She¹s here! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
0:10:02 > 0:10:06..If they pass the ball through the midfield, get it to Rooney, we¹ve got a chance...
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- of winning the game, haven¹t we? - Yeah...because Rooney¹s...a nice guy.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17- Hi, love... It¹s...- You need to explain to your dad about how sexual politics have changed.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Yeah, right!- No, I mean it.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24Before he actually says, "I say! Ding-dong!" to a woman guest.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Oh, come on! He¹s just being olde worlde.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Yeah, olde worlde sexist. I¹ll get into trouble.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I gave him quite a build-up.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Jim¹s very special.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38He absolutely loves people.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Great at opening doors, obviously.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44So he¹s a good team player?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Yeah!!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52AND he¹s...always...thoughtful
0:10:52 > 0:10:54and helpful...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57and drop dead gorgeous.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Who the hell¹s that?! I wish he WAS me dad.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Well, I had to lie. We needed Jim to get the job.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- He¹s been sitting round our house like a suicidal bloody walrus. - DOOR SLAMS
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- This is Dean.- Hello, mate.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Dean, you are the most attractive man in this room.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Just to be clear, she means, "Cos you¹re carrying the boiler."
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Oh, right!- Yuh, yuh, yuh!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25No, it¹s really good of you, mate, and I know you like Chloe,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29so she¹ll make you tea and talk to you entertainingly.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Just to be clear, I won¹t!
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I¹ll get me tools.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Nice one.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40You don¹t feel bad that we¹re exploiting him, do you?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43No! He said he don¹t want paying.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47I¹m cold and I¹d trade in a child for a hot shower.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You know what it¹s like when you¹re in love, you¹ll do anything.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Yeah! Let¹s get him to service the car when he¹s done the boiler!
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Right! This is tea.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Whoa, whoa! Hold it right there!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I¹m not eating budgie!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05It¹s a chicken. It says on the label.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07That¹ll never go round five people.
0:12:07 > 0:12:13It¹ll do more than that. The meat¹s for sandwiches tomorrow. The bones are for a tasty soup tonight.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Ooh, at last! Bone soup.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18What¹s this, wartime?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21My nan was famous for her soup AND her cabbage cake.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Ooh, tasty as that sounds, let¹s not have it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27And, look, I found these at the back of the cupboard.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Scratched off the sell-by date, so don¹t bother looking.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Tinned broad beans and melon chunks.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36How have these not got snapped up?
0:12:36 > 0:12:41And this. Ah! I¹m saving it for when the kids allow me to drink again.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44One can of budget lager.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47So this is what it¹s come to.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49We can get through this, love.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Yeah, I know we can.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54So, you don¹t mind going without football?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Look at you. You¹re just...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Oh, that must feel nice!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- It¹s all right. Yeah, it's nice.- Yeah.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I can see my breath in front of my face.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22There you go, all the fun of smoking without the health implications.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29We¹re having that foil back when the heating¹s fixed.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35How¹s it going, Dean?
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Good, yeah! Boilers are like babies.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42You¹ve got to sense their every need.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Yeah(!)
0:13:46 > 0:13:48There¹s a man at the window in fancy dress.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Yeah, it¹ll be me dad.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55We used to let him in the house but he just got annoying.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- So you¹ll have a word with your dad? - DOOR SLAMS
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Yes.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Evening, all.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02- Hiya, Jim.- All right, Dad.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05My God! Who died?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Soup died.
0:14:07 > 0:14:13Yes, to be fair I should have sweated the carcass for two days in a tarragon/thyme bouillon.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Yeah, that would have improved it!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Whatever.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Hmm-hmm.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23She looks so beautiful when she sleeps.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Doesn¹t she just.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29You were dribbling, love.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33I¹m not a snob, God knows,
0:14:33 > 0:14:37but it¹s nice to meet the posher types at the hotel and get away from the riff-raff.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Dad, I¹ve got some bad news for you.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41WE¹RE the riff-raff.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You speak for yourself.
0:14:43 > 0:14:49Listen, Dad, Caroline said that at work you¹re being... How can I put it nicely?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51A sexist dinosaur.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I am NOT!
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Who actively encouraged his wife to go out to work -
0:14:56 > 0:14:59down a coal mine, if necessary?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Yeah, to pay for your Man City season ticket!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Who booed at the TV during the Miss World competition?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- Yeah, cos you didn¹t rate the winner, Miss Venezuela.- Oh, yeah!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Well, Miss Costa Rica was robbed.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Yes, she was but, Dad, at work you¹ve got to treat men and women the same.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19They¹re not the same though, are they? I mean, women have got breasts.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I know what they¹ve got!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23But time¹s moved on. You¹ve got to move on with it.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Otherwise, the management will show you the door. You know what I mean?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30What¹s acceptable then?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Well, I don¹t know! "Sir. Madam."
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Don¹t make me role play a woman coming out of an hotel.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Where¹s the personality in "sir" or "madam"?
0:15:40 > 0:15:46I¹m a showman! I¹m the Willy Wonker of the Manchester hotel scene!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I¹m not denying you¹re a "wonker".
0:15:49 > 0:15:54I¹m just saying, you like the job, so do what you have to do to keep it, all right?
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Fancy a pint?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Yeah.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Good! You¹re buying.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Are you all right dressed like that or do you want to put something more flamboyant on?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Sorry, love! I couldn¹t get me dad off the karaoke.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20We had nine What¹s New Pussycats and a Macarena. It wasn¹t pretty.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21All done!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24What are you doing? Don¹t do that.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Sorry, Mr Flynn.- What a genius! Come on! Give me a hug, come on!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35All right, gorgeous.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Toilet¹s frozen over.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Listen, we¹re sorry we can¹t pay you. How can we thank you?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44By making Chloe go out with me.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47We can¹t MAKE her, Dean. She¹s a free spirit.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50So, does it work?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53It will... When I fit the last part.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55When can you fit that?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57When Chloe goes on a date with me.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Look, Dean...
0:17:02 > 0:17:07Going on a date with a girl who doesn¹t want to be there is a really empty experience.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Liam remembers.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Yes, I do. Yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Still, it¹s better than nothing.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17That is also true.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Whose side are you on?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Yeah! My daughter¹s worth more to me than the price of a boiler.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24OK.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Sorry then.- Oh...!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33That little... Are you having that?
0:17:37 > 0:17:42Look, I¹ll go out with Dean for the sake of our family. Have you seen us lately?
0:17:44 > 0:17:49No, I¹m not pimping out my daughter for an efficient heating system.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51No! No way.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- No, no. You¹re better than that, love.- Absolutely.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Well, why should he get the better of us, the reptile?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00We¹re cleverer than that and this way there¹ll be more heat around here.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Yeah?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05All right. Cheers, Chloe.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06See ya.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Ta-ra.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Nice hot water bottles.- Thanks.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Belters, them!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- All right?- Good morning.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Hey, what about City and United tomorrow then?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I expect you¹ll be getting the lagers in, yeah?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38You are NOT wearing that out.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Why not?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Because Dean will take one look at you and bog off.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Wow!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Brutal!
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Shut up! Look, let me talk you through this.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Tight jeans and a top means, "I¹m interested and available."
0:18:53 > 0:18:55You¹re NOT wearing that!
0:18:55 > 0:19:00Skirt and top says, "Playing it cool but interested."
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Not when I wear it!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05None of this really applies to the over 30s.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Oh, bless ya!
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Whereas this says, "I¹m not interested. Try harder, you loser."
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Just don¹t drink and bring Dean home early so he can finish the boiler.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:16 > 0:19:17What¹s for tea?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Very nearly tinned broad beans in a melon sauce.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25But I found a pizza in some ice at the bottom of the freezer.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Evening, Mr and Mrs Flynn. - Evening, Shaggy!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Where are you going?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- The Pelican.- Woah, woah!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40No, you¹re not going to a pub. I know pubs. I know what happens.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Suddenly, it¹s 11.30 and you can¹t remember your name.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46It¹s quiz night! I¹ll be sipping orange juice and learning interesting facts.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51Right. Hey, no funny business, Dean.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Right? Have her back by nine o¹clock.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Go on, love. Go on.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Hey, bring your tools!
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- I¹m off, too, love. Late shift. - All right.- Mwah!
0:20:02 > 0:20:03Oh, help Mikey with his French homework.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Will do.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Hey, Mikey, listen up!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Voila!
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Croissant!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Joe le taxi!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Come on, let¹s do this?- Dad?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- How are we going to watch the match tomorrow?- I¹m just going to sort it with Uncle Kevin.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Oh, I¹m such a bad man! - We really shouldn¹t be doing this.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Shut up, Kev!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Right, right, what do I do? - Right, you double-click on that.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I¹m exhausted. I need a break.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44You¹ve been playing for eight minutes!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Yeah, well, you... you take over then.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49All right. Ooh!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57That¹s four hours. Can I stop now?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Oh, how did you do?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Well, I won 100 quid.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Hey! - Yeah, but then I lost that.- No?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- Yeah, then I went up to 200 quid. - Then what?
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Then I went up to 500 quid. Then I went back down to 35 quid.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Then I stopped to go to the toilet. Do you know it¹s frozen over?
0:21:16 > 0:21:22- What did you end up with?! - I ended up with £200, so you can watch your match tomorrow now.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27You play online poker again, I¹ll smash your face in.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Oh! Oh, yes! What time do you call this?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- I couldn¹t get him home. - I found them at the bus stop.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Dean was crouching on top of the bus shelter pretending to be an owl.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42How did you do in the quiz?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I said I was going. I didn¹t join in. Shaggy did that on his own,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- whilst I had a laugh with Emma and Lucy.- Hang on!
0:21:48 > 0:21:52So, basically, you¹ve enjoyed a warm meal with your mates in the pub.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Anything I can do to help the family.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Hey, come on you - boiler!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Ho, ho, ho! Where are you going?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Boiler¹s that way. Go on!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- BOTH: Take him home! - I'll get him in the car, shall I?
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Step down. Now, Dean, listen here now. Eh, listen!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19You are going to finish this, aren¹t you?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Yeah, yeah.- Good.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24As soon as Chloe goes out with me again.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Hey, listen to me, right! Listen here!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Nobody messes my daughter or my family around, all right?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Who are you, again?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Bin?- Bin.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Ten quid says he¹s still in there in the morning.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Kevin, don¹t! Seriously. I feel bad enough already about making you gamble.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Oh, don¹t worry. It¹s cool. It¹s all under control.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57The only reason I went to Gamblers Anonymous is cos I heard they get fit girls turning up.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59- Do they?- Yes.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02And you do get some great racing tips as well.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08ENGINE STARTS
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- 20 quid says you can¹t get me home in two minutes.- You're on.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Help!
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Oh, God!
0:23:22 > 0:23:26To be honest, I just wanted to see what it was like to put somebody in a wheelie bin.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Oh! I shouldn¹t have let her go on that date though. It¹s just... It¹s bad parenting.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Oh, don¹t be so hard on yourself. You¹re a great dad.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40And I am a...
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Great mum! Yes, you are! YES, you are!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Oooi! At least we know it can¹t get any worse, eh?
0:23:47 > 0:23:50MOBILE BEEPS
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Oooh!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It CAN get worse.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Oh, the head of HR wants to see me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Yeah.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Maybe he shouldn¹t have called the Lady Mayor "babe".
0:24:07 > 0:24:11And should he have said to a group of girl guides,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14"Last one through the door¹s a tosser"?
0:24:16 > 0:24:17No!
0:24:18 > 0:24:23Although, when I was a guide, we swore so much they gave us a badge for it.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Look, he¹s actually a lovely man,
0:24:30 > 0:24:34but maybe the job wasn¹t a perfect fit.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38You lied to the company. You know what that means?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41You¹d never sack me, would you?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Snacks?
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Beer?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10No, Dad! We¹re trying to teach the kids you don¹t have to drink to have a good time.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13What about that one?
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- No, that¹s Caroline¹s.- Heating?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19No, Dad. We like the cold.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Oh, so this won¹t end in tears(!)
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Why don¹t they just have one team in Manchester, dressed in purple?
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Hang on, that¹s cable TV. How come we got that back?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Oh, erm, Kevin paid for it to be reconnected.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37How?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Sorry?
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Oh...how?
0:25:41 > 0:25:47He, erm... Kevin... Kevin won some money for me playing poker, so I spent it on this.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51You actively encouraged Kevin to gamble? He¹s a sick man.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55More to the point, why didn¹t you use the cash to buy a boiler?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59We¹re sat here like Pingu just so you can watch the footie!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I didn¹t have enough for the boiler!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05And, do you know what? I just thought we could watch it together
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and bond like a proper family!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Pillock!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Well, you're no better, nearly getting me sacked.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18I DID get sacked. What do you think that¹s done for my fragile ego?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Can you get me a job on reception?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Stop him talking!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27I¹m sorry, Caroline, but that¹s what happens when you treat women like men. We¹re different.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Women have got br...
0:26:29 > 0:26:32BOTH: Yeah, we know, granddad!
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Well, you can make up for it by paying for our boiler.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39All right, I will.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42But there are conditions attached.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45What conditions?
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Come on! Don¹t be shy. Show your support.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Come on, City!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Ah! That¹s better.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03See? Now you can really bond.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Oh, that¹s nice!
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Oh!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Cheers, love.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15It¹s all right this. What is it?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Cabbage cake.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Oh, doesn¹t it hurt when they head it?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Who¹s he? He¹s got well nice legs? - Ssssh, love.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31There¹s extreme, seven-card stud, horse poker on the other side if anyone¹s interested.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Ow!
0:27:37 > 0:27:40I might just dance round the room naked for a bit.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Can you do it in the other room, please, love?
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Hey, how many United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Two.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54One to change it and the other to drive him up from Bournemouth.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd