0:00:15 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Hello, you, and welcome to Insert Name Here,
0:00:27 > 0:00:30the show where we unearth a ton of partially useful information
0:00:30 > 0:00:33about a group of people united by just one common thread -
0:00:33 > 0:00:35the same first name.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38My guests tonight have no such common thread, but please welcome
0:00:38 > 0:00:40the diversely named Sara Pascoe, Paul Hollywood
0:00:40 > 0:00:42and their team captain, Josh Widdicombe.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44And over on the other side,
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Kate Williams, Joe Lycett and their captain Richard Osman.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:56So, how do you feel, Josh? Paul next to you.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I'm very excited. Obviously, Kate is dead to me.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- LAUGHTER - Oh, no!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03- So ruthless.- She, ironically, is history to me.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07You know she can bake as well? Bake and do history.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11- You can bake, right?- Brilliantly so. - Oh, my God, she's an amazing baker.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13If you want old cakes, here is your lady.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I have to say, Paul is looking very, very smart tonight.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Have you made a special effort? - Are you...?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Listen! Are you even going down that worst dressed man?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- Oh, I know what this is. - Let's illuminate.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27I think he was voted the worst dressed man,
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- is it Britain or the world?- Britain. - I think just Britain.- Just Britain.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35But he's qualified for the European Champions League.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- But who did you just pip to the post, Paul?- Josh.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Aw.- I came second.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43The second worst dressed man in Britain.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Would you rather have won? - Mr Motivator is still around.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48LAUGHTER
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Do you know any of the judges?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53The list of judges genuinely included Giorgio Armani.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- What?- No.- No way.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Yeah, who I didn't even know was a real person.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I thought he was just a brand.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Can I just say, Paul is writing these down like it's a hit list.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06He's going to send them a poisoned bun.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Where's that shirt from, Josh? The one you're wearing now.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Um, a little place I know called H&M.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16That's where you've gone wrong.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Where's your shirt from, then, Joe?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- A little place called H&M. - LAUGHTER
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- I don't know, actually.- See you on the list next year, Lycett.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Let me just quote from GQ.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31They said about Josh, "You've developed a style
0:02:31 > 0:02:35"that can only be described as an update on Bilbo Baggins."
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- No! - APPLAUSE
0:02:41 > 0:02:44We've got a picture of Paul here. He dresses very nicely.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47He's taken his pyjama bottoms off anyway.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Are you sat on a load of flour?- Yeah.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Have a day off, Paul!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Is that your sofa at home?
0:02:58 > 0:03:03All your furniture is made out of different things that go into bread.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- That was ten years ago. - Was it?- Yeah.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07How come you look exactly the same?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Bread.- Bread!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13So, I'm going to move now to the all-important question -
0:03:13 > 0:03:15which name we'll be featuring tonight.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Well, it's the name of the patron saint of travellers,
0:03:17 > 0:03:21the first half of Christmas and nearly all of the word crisp.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Tonight's name is Chris.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28And that, of course, includes Christophers, Christines
0:03:28 > 0:03:30and Christinas, natch.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33So, who can we expect to see? Well, we'll have musicians,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36millionaire makers and monocle wearers.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38We've got a victorious knight
0:03:38 > 0:03:40and the nation's favourite dame.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43That was a technical challenge, wasn't it, Paul?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I love the fact that both of you are officially worse dressed
0:03:47 > 0:03:49than Christopher Biggins.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Josh, any early thoughts as to who would be your champion Chris?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57I thought you could have two-for-one -
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Kris Kristofferson.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Oh, double the Chris.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Richard, any early thoughts on a Chris?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I've got two thoughts but I'm not sure if they're Chrises.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- You might have to give us a judgement.- OK.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- Because there's Jesus Christ. People call him Christ, right?- Yeah.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I know they called him Chris. Jesus Chris.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Jesus, Chris!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18That's where he got his nickname.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Jesus Christ. And the other one - Father Christmas.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- He's a Nicholas, really. - There's Kris Kringle.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Kris Kringle? - Yeah, it's Kris Kringle, see.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- All right, Kris Kringle. - Thanks, Paul.- He bailed you out.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32All right, your early runners are Jesus Christ and Father Christmas.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- Or Kriss Akabusi. One of those three.- Yes.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36The thing about Jesus Christ and Kriss Akabusi -
0:04:36 > 0:04:37both overcame a lot of hurdles.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- LAUGHTER - Very nice.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43So, let's get on with the show. Time to pick a Chris.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Our teams have four categories to choose from
0:04:45 > 0:04:48and behind each one lurks a famous Chris.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55So, Richard, your team gets
0:04:55 > 0:04:56to choose a category, please.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Screen Legend Chris? Start with a bit of show business?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Yeah, let's do it. - Work your glamour on this team.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Screen Legend Chris, I think, for us.- All right.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05You have opted for screen legend
0:05:05 > 0:05:06and one-time bloodsucker,
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Christopher Lee.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10So, let's have a look at his stats.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Lee's first experience as the famous Transylvanian vampire
0:05:28 > 0:05:30was in the 1958 film Dracula.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Kate, can you give us a bit of context on Dracula?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Well, the novel by Bram Stoker, but it's based on, we think,
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Vlad the Impaler, the 15th-century ruler of Romania.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42They got the name Dracul from dragon
0:05:42 > 0:05:45cos they're meant to be the Order of the Dragon, protecting Christianity.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47And Vlad the Impaler thought the best way of doing this
0:05:47 > 0:05:49would be to impale people
0:05:49 > 0:05:51and then he'd use their blood for his bread.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- There you go, Paul.- What? - That's a signature bake.- Yeah.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I think, the first programme of Bake Off last year -
0:05:59 > 0:06:00when they all come in -
0:06:00 > 0:06:02they're all quite nervous, they all cut their fingers.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05There's probably more than one occasion I've had blood on bread.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07That's why he hasn't aged for ten years!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:12 > 0:06:162010, Christopher Lee released a symphonic metal concept album
0:06:16 > 0:06:20about the Roman emperor Charlemagne, from whom Lee is descended.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21- Here they are.- Wow.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24That's what you would look like if you didn't drink blood.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER It's true!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I was wearing a hat very similar to that last week. I was in Russia.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I think we've got a picture of you actually here,
0:06:31 > 0:06:35which is, I think, the day you won Russia's worst dressed man.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Is that a horse or a bit of a hat behind you?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42LAUGHTER Just left the head on.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45The album from Christopher is entitled
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Charlemagne - By The Sword And The Cross.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Lee said...
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Well, shall we judge for ourselves? - Ooh, yeah.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01# An empire made great
0:07:01 > 0:07:06# By deeds of great kings!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08# I shed blood of Saxon men
0:07:08 > 0:07:11# I shed the blood of the Saxon men
0:07:11 > 0:07:13# I shed the blood of the Saxon men
0:07:13 > 0:07:15# I shed the blood of the Saxon men
0:07:15 > 0:07:17# I shed it at Verden
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# I shed the blood of the Saxon men
0:07:19 > 0:07:22# I shed the blood of 4,000 Saxon men. #
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Wonderful.- Good.- Very, very good.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- I quite like that. - You'd Spotify that, would you?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- Yeah.- I hope it's on Spotify.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- It's not like Taylor Swift. - LAUGHTER
0:07:34 > 0:07:35- Be really disappointing.- Yeah.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38He says it's killing live music, Spotify. He wouldn't have it.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- "Boycott it."- He said, "I'll shed the blood of 4,000 Saxon men
0:07:41 > 0:07:43"but I'm afraid I'm not going to kill the record industry."
0:07:45 > 0:07:49In 1974, Christopher Lee played the tri-nippled Scaramanga
0:07:49 > 0:07:52in the Bond classic The Man With The Golden Gun.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Now, Pauly, I know you've got a thing about Bond,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58but if you had to play a Bond villain, who would you be?
0:07:58 > 0:07:59What would be your special skills?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Er...sharpening baguettes, throwing them.- Ooh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06That's a hell of a sharp baguette to impale someone with.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I've cut myself on the end of a baguette before.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11You haven't cut yourself on the end of a baguette, Paul!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- Richard, you remind me a little bit of a Bond villain.- Uh-oh.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- LAUGHTER - Oh!- That's mean.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I was thinking Ursula Andress.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Josh, you remind us of one too.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25LAUGHTER
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Who's that?! - That's Herve Villechaize.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32That looks like the photo you get trying to get you to donate £3.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Sorry, are you talking about the guy on the left or the guy on the right?
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- Now it's time to play for the Chris. - Ooh, here we go.- Here it is.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47What happened to Christopher Lee on his way to Los Angeles to promote
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- The Man With The Golden Gun? - Was the gun in his luggage?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Cos they don't let you take them through.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- It WAS in his luggage.- Ah! - It was in his luggage.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- APPLAUSE - Yeah!- Good work!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01So, to complete the story.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04He was on his way to appear on The Johnny Carson Show,
0:09:04 > 0:09:07carrying the gun in pieces in a box.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Customs asked him to put it together, which he did,
0:09:10 > 0:09:12and they then just took it off him, never returned.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15He then took out a fountain pen, twisted it once anticlockwise
0:09:15 > 0:09:18and wrote a very strongly-worded complaint.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Well done, Sara. Well done, Josh's team.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Hey, great. - Congratulations. You win.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Have you ever been stopped at customs, Paul?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Do they do that? Do they search your baggage?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34- I haven't been stopped at customs. - Has Mary?- Mary!- Oh, Mary did.- No!
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- Oh! What was she up for this time? - "Honestly, it's a bag of flour."
0:09:38 > 0:09:40LAUGHTER
0:09:44 > 0:09:46When you're on a flight with Mary,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- when the air hostess comes round with the bread...- Yes.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53..is there, like, an awkward moment where you're sort of tasting...?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56LAUGHTER
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Right, Josh, it's your turn and your choice. What's it going to be?
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- Oh.- Shall we go for Holy or Globetrotting?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Oh, so, we've got rid of Diva?- I've got rid of Diva.- Is it out of place?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Now you've excluded it, that's all I want.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- That's what I want. - Well, do you know what?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17You're going to learn an important lesson.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I love you trying to be tough,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26like you're not about to backtrack immediately.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30You're going to learn an important lesson about diva... No.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32We're going to go Globetrotting Chris.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- AUDIENCE GROANS - OK, all right.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36You're going to roll like that, are you?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Interesting.- You are like that little evil man.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43You have chosen explorer, seafarer
0:10:43 > 0:10:47and eccentric hat enthusiast Christopher Columbus.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Let's have a look at his stats.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Columbus's 1492 expedition
0:11:05 > 0:11:07was intended to find a new route to Asia,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10but by heading west rather than east.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11He hit land much quicker than expected,
0:11:11 > 0:11:15was still convinced he'd got to Asia rather than America.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19How did he explain the fact that he'd got round the world so quickly?
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Was he having fun?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Was it pear shaped?- He thought the world was pear shaped, yes.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30So, basically, he thought that he was going round the top,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- the thin bit.- Oh! - And he got there so much quicker.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35He believed the Earth was pear shaped right up until the point
0:11:35 > 0:11:37his career went the same way.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39During his third voyage to the Americas,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Columbus landed in modern-day Venezuela
0:11:42 > 0:11:44and saw the mouth of the Orinoco.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46How did he land in modern-day Venezuela? That's unbelievable.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49LAUGHTER
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- What did he think he'd discovered? - The entrance to hell or something.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- The opposite. - The entrance to heaven.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Not heaven, but... - The exit to heaven.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01If there's a fire in heaven, that's what they use, right?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03There's no fire exit in hell.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04No, they've got non-fire exits.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07If the fire should go out, please make your way to the exit.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13- Paradise on earth.- Garden of Eden. - The Garden of Eden.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Columbus believed that paradise was to be found near the equator.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17And when he saw such a large body of water,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21just assumed it was the river that flowed out of Eden.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23When he found out he was wrong, he was so furious,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26he gave it a stinking review on TripAdvisor.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28But was Eden a thing? I mean, was that a destination?
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- Were people always trying to find the Garden of Eden?- They were.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34They had different ways of getting to it.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36So, there was this 19th-century Russian society
0:12:36 > 0:12:38that actually got to number 100,000 people
0:12:38 > 0:12:40that tried to get back to the state of the Garden of Eden
0:12:40 > 0:12:43by cutting off their genitals.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- That was their cunning plan. - HE WHISTLES
0:12:45 > 0:12:48You'd be annoyed if you didn't find it after all that, wouldn't you?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Yes.- How did they grow in numbers?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54People are also going, "Yeah, it's amazing.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56"It's absolutely amazing. I haven't found it yet,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58"but cut my knob off and it's..."
0:12:58 > 0:13:00People could've just abstained.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Does cutting off your genitals mean that you don't have the urge?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05You don't get any testosterone if you're a man
0:13:05 > 0:13:06once your testicles are cut off.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- We must have testosterone elsewhere, surely. Paul has, look.- Oh, Paul.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Paul, I don't know how big your balls are,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15but there's too much testosterone.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18But there's no way he can answer that question.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Either he says, "No, actually, they're quite small,"
0:13:21 > 0:13:22or he looks really arrogant being,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- "Yeah, they're massive..." - Can you move on from my balls?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:29 > 0:13:31You know, I was thinking, like, ten years ago,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34women used to complain about the industry and the media.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37And all we've done today is told two men they're badly dressed
0:13:37 > 0:13:40and then talk about their sexual organs.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Have we gone too far the other way?
0:13:44 > 0:13:45One of Columbus's party,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Rodrigo de Jerez, is credited with a particular honour.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50What is it?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- Oh, did he...? - Steal the gold?- Not gold.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Did he invent cigarettes?- Yes.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Invented cigarettes?- He didn't invent them, but I'll give you that.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02- Because he was the first European smoker that we know of.- Oh.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05There he is. Even then they had to huddle outside.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10What happened when he brought back smoking?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12The guy who invented the lighter said, "Finally!"
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Actually, the smoke billowing from his mouth and nose
0:14:17 > 0:14:20so frightened his neighbours, he was arrested
0:14:20 > 0:14:24and then imprisoned by the holy inquisitors for five years.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- On what grounds?- Being a dragon. - Being a dragon, essentially.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I'd give someone more than five years for being a dragon.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- Aw.- That's cos you're a hobbit.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36They're your natural enemy.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40APPLAUSE
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Here is the question for the Chris.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44On his fourth and final voyage,
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Columbus was stranded in Jamaica and fell out with the locals.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- How did he get them back on side? - Did he invent reggae?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I think this is the lunar eclipse story.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57The Jamaicans were angry, they wouldn't give them any food,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00so he said, "I am so powerful that I control the moon
0:15:00 > 0:15:03"and I can take the moon away from you if you don't feed me"
0:15:03 > 0:15:06because he knew there was going to be a lunar eclipse.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08So, they said, "Ha-ha-ha, that's not true,"
0:15:08 > 0:15:09and then there was a lunar eclipse.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12The moon went and they said... It was kind of like the Ewoks
0:15:12 > 0:15:14in Star Wars after C-3PO did that popping up.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- They said, "OK, we'll give you all the food you want."- Wow.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19That was actually Luke Skywalker with the Jedi
0:15:19 > 0:15:21and he used the force to raise C-3PO.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22- KATE:- He did. That's right.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24It wasn't C-3PO doing anything.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- No, I know. - LAUGHTER
0:15:27 > 0:15:29There's two things that rile Paul Hollywood -
0:15:29 > 0:15:30someone slagging off bread and
0:15:30 > 0:15:33somebody getting something about Star Wars wrong.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36But you're absolutely right, Kate, so, well done.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Richard's team, you win the Chris. - Well done.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42APPLAUSE
0:15:42 > 0:15:45This next one is for both teams to play.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Richard, which one would you like? - We'll have Diva Chris, please.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50You've chosen singer, actress
0:15:50 > 0:15:53and all-round Dirrty girl
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Christina Aguilera.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Let's look at her stats.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12She's released over 30 singles, sold over 50 million albums
0:16:12 > 0:16:14and is one of the world's biggest stars.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I have no idea what the secret of her success was,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19but here she is at the start of her career.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20And here she is promoting Dirrty.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24What would you say if you saw your daughter
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- going out like that, Richard?- Well...
0:16:28 > 0:16:30That's taken me by surprise, that question.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Here she is now!
0:16:31 > 0:16:34LAUGHTER
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I think I would say, "If you've won eight Grammys
0:16:40 > 0:16:42"and you've made £30 million, dress how you want.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44"If you haven't, then go upstairs and change
0:16:44 > 0:16:46"and dress like Kate Humble."
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Wasn't it famously that she used to walk round naked at home?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I think that's something that people who want you to fancy them
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- say in interviews.- Oh.- Right, Paul?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Paul cannot walk round naked just cos of ornaments. Just the...
0:17:03 > 0:17:08In 2004, she earned £200,000 in one afternoon. How?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Sponsored silence.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Singing at someone's birthday. - She opened the Harrods sale.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18She opened the Harrods summer sale. That's exactly what she did, yeah.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- 200 grand?- 200 grand.- But cos it was a sale, she only got 125.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Apparently, when they asked Mariah Carey to turn on the lights
0:17:26 > 0:17:28at Westfield, she demanded that 20 white kittens
0:17:28 > 0:17:30and 20 white doves were released at the same time.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Kittens famously like ripping doves to pieces.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35But famously, birds can fly.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38LAUGHTER
0:17:38 > 0:17:40She earns her place.
0:17:40 > 0:17:46For that factual update, I'm giving you a bonus Krispy Kreme.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Christina is not just a singer, but a businesswoman,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50has brought out many different perfumes.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Here's a little bonus game.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Can you identify the real Aguilera scents, perfumes,
0:17:55 > 0:17:56from the made-up ones?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I think that they're all things
0:18:05 > 0:18:06that Paul has said to Mary.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09LAUGHTER
0:18:11 > 0:18:14That's one half of Paul and Mary's text conversation.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I think Royal Desire is real.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19And Secret Potion
0:18:19 > 0:18:20and Touch of Seduction.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21We're going to go Royal Desire,
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Potion and Stunning.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Let's see which ones
0:18:24 > 0:18:25are the real ones.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Well done. Unbelievably, Kate, you got them right,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- which means we're a little bit creeped out.- What?! No!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Are you her target demographic?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35LAUGHTER
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Who's the biggest diva in history, Kate?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I think one of the biggest is Maria Callas.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Great 20th-century Greek opera singer.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Never quite got over being dumped by Onassis for Jackie Kennedy.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Onassis, on his yacht, he covered the bar stools
0:18:49 > 0:18:52with what he said was the softest substance known to man.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- And do you know what that was? - One of Paul's Victoria sponges.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Is that what we're calling them now?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02LAUGHTER
0:19:02 > 0:19:07That was not too far, actually. The foreskin of a sperm whale
0:19:07 > 0:19:09is apparently the softest substance known to man.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Not too far off Paul's bollocks?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I was saying, it's the same kind of area.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Time to play for the Chris and it's a diva-related question.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Christina was a judge on the American version of The Voice.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24During the show, what was her assistant employed to do
0:19:24 > 0:19:26every 30 minutes?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Is it tell her which way round she is?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32If you had an entourage, what would you have?
0:19:32 > 0:19:33If you have an entourage?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- You'd have a personal...- Masseuse!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39She does indeed get her feet massaged.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Outrageous behaviour.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- She's like you, Sue. - Keep going. Keep going. It's true.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Is that Mel under there?- Yeah. LAUGHTER
0:19:47 > 0:19:49It's true. On Bake Off, Paul does massage me.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- What kind of massage do you give, Paul?- Shoulders.- Go on.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Oh, this is... This is almost too erotic.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Don't. You're going to catch the worst dressed man.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- That was wonderful.- I've got a little baguette of my own down here.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Well done, Josh's team. You win the Chris. Congratulations.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Time now to dust down and crank up the Insert Name Here fruit machine.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Each spin reveals three of our favourites Chrises
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and it's up to our teams to match the amazing fact
0:20:22 > 0:20:25to the incredible Chris. Let's spin.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28So, we have hysterical former hurdler Kriss Akabusi,
0:20:28 > 0:20:3212th-century Belgian holy woman Christina the Astonishing,
0:20:32 > 0:20:35and Lady In Red crooner, Chris de Burgh.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37So, the question is,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40which Chris has claimed to have miraculous healing powers?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Let's start with you, Richard.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I think maybe Kriss Akabusi has healing powers.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I feel healed just looking at that photograph of him.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49LAUGHTER
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Do you think Chris de Burgh could heal you?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I feel sick looking at that photograph.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56What's the name of the lady in the middle?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Christina the Astonishing. - She sounds amazing.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02She was one of these type of saints who didn't eat and she flung herself
0:21:02 > 0:21:05into frozen rivers to try and get closer to God
0:21:05 > 0:21:06and she used to jump into fires.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08See, it's beginning to sound like hard work now.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Maybe a bit high-maintenance, but she was called the Astonishing
0:21:11 > 0:21:14because she was in the coffin in her funeral at age 21
0:21:14 > 0:21:17and then she flew up into the sky.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Tell you what, Kate, for an intelligent person,
0:21:19 > 0:21:20you'll believe any old shit.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Never seen that up there.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- Who are we going to go for, Captain? - I think Kriss Akabusi?- Yeah.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I don't like to see Kriss Akabusi up there and not choose him.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Yeah, let's do it.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32We'll go Kriss Akabusi has healing powers.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35You know earlier, I was telling you I worked at the Millennium Dome?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Yes.- Well, before the Millennium Dome opened,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40all of the staff, in order to inspire us,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42were taken into a hall.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44And Kriss Akabusi came in and spoke to us an hour
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and it was the most inspiring thing
0:21:46 > 0:21:47that's ever happened.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49And he said, "Those without vision, perish."
0:21:49 > 0:21:52And that's why the Millennium Dome was such a success.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That's also a slogan of Specsavers.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02APPLAUSE
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- There was a story in the press...- Yeah.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09..where a woman was in a coma
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and her favourite song was Lady In Red.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- And Chris de Burgh... - Which is how she fell into the coma
0:22:14 > 0:22:15in the first place.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21And Chris de Burgh went to visit her and she woke up and was healed.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Well, the correct answer is....
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Chris de Burgh. Yeah, absolutely.- Yeah! Yeah!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Well done, everyone.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Indeed. With an interview with Gloria Hunniford
0:22:33 > 0:22:35on BBC One's Heaven And Earth Show, Chris said...
0:22:44 > 0:22:47LAUGHTER Hunniford defended him saying...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Nothing fantastical there.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Josh, you very much win the Chris.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57- Well done.- Sara, well done.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Next up, we've got panto legend Christopher Biggins,
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Tory wife Christine Hamilton,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08and tree trunk-thighed cyclist Sir Chris Hoy.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Which of these Chrises went on somebody else's honeymoon?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13What do you think, Paul?
0:23:13 > 0:23:14- I think Chris Hoy.- Hmm.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I don't know, I've just got a bit of hunch, I'm saying.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18That's probably it. It's circling
0:23:18 > 0:23:19round and you've heard it somewhere.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Going on that flimsy
0:23:20 > 0:23:21kind of thinking,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23we're going to go with Chris Hoy.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Biggins - 100% the sort of thing he would do.- Yeah, it is, isn't it?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29100% the sort of thing where he'd meet someone at the airport
0:23:29 > 0:23:30and say, "Where are you going?"
0:23:30 > 0:23:32They'd say, "We're going on a honeymoon."
0:23:32 > 0:23:34And he'd go, "I'm going to come with you."
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Chris Hoy, it's less likely, surely.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Have you considered the fact that Paul has a hunch?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41If my balls were that heavy, I'd have a hunch.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44LAUGHTER
0:23:47 > 0:23:48I think Biggins. Do you think, Kate?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- OK, let's go.- We'll go Biggins.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53And you're going to go with Paul's hunch of Chris Hoy.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Well, hunches may not be enough
0:23:55 > 0:23:58because the answer is Christopher Biggins.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00APPLAUSE
0:24:00 > 0:24:04So, Biggins and Jeremy Irons were at drama school together
0:24:04 > 0:24:06and he was Irons's best man.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09But somehow, Biggins got invited on the honeymoon
0:24:09 > 0:24:12and the three of them drove down to Spain.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14On the way, Biggins suffered heat stroke
0:24:14 > 0:24:16and spent the first week confined to his room.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Still, it gave Jeremy a chance to spend more time with his wife
0:24:19 > 0:24:23while she shouted at him, "Why the hell is Christopher Biggins here?!"
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- Congratulations, Richard. You win the Chris.- Biggins.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Right, everybody, let's play Finish The Fact.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36I'll start by reading out a Chris-based morsel.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Buzz in when you think you know how it ends.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41First up, it's theatrical, tight-shorted footballer
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Cristiano Ronaldo.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48BELL Josh.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Sun lamp for too long.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53BUZZER Joe.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Me in my dreams.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57LAUGHTER
0:24:57 > 0:24:58No.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- BUZZER - Replaced Debbie McGee.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09- You know what? - BELL
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- Oh, no.- Josh.- That was the year that
0:25:11 > 0:25:14he missed in the Champions League final for Man U.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16He injured... BELL
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Yeah, he was injured.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22He injured his ankle...
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Coincidence?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Yes. LAUGHTER
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Sadly, no-one gets the Chris there.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35But next up, ex-undercover operative Chris Ryan.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- BELL - Kids.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42No!
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- BUZZER - Local productions of My Fair Lady.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50He's produced military thrillers.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- BUZZER - Only as old as the fish he feels.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I'd like to read that. Kate. BUZZER
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I think this was under a pseudonym
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and it was Molly Jackson or something like that.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07And I think it was The Fisherman's Daughter.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08It was indeed The Fisherman's Daughter.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Well done. APPLAUSE
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Absolutely. Written under his nom de plume of Molly Jackson.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15I'll just read you a bit.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18"The fishermen took her in his strong arms,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21"kissed her tenderly on her perfect lips
0:26:21 > 0:26:23"and unleashed his semiautomatic into the harbour master."
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Well done, Richard. You win the Chris. Congratulations.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Well done, Kate.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Next, high-earning Twilight star Kristen Stewart.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- BELL - What to say when caught
0:26:38 > 0:26:39cheating on a boyfriend.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Ooh.- I didn't do it. She did.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46If you want to be famous, what might you practise?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- BUZZER - Autograph.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Yes. Absolutely right, yeah.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57She loved - absolutely loved - taking packages for neighbours.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01No, she adored it.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- "What's that?"- Her idea of hell is a red card on the mat.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- "Wonder what it could be." - LAUGHTER
0:27:07 > 0:27:09No. She loved pens.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12And weirdly, her career is now stationary.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:27:16 > 0:27:19So, we've come to the end of the show and I can tell you
0:27:19 > 0:27:21that our winners, with the most Chrises,
0:27:21 > 0:27:23- are Josh's team.- Yay!
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- APPLAUSE - Well done. Well done.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31But now we come to the big one, the big question.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Who is the best Chris of all time?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36There was only one Chris that got a cheer
0:27:36 > 0:27:38when their photo was revealed.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Kriss Akabusi.- Yeah. - You heard it here first.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43It's with great joy, I declare,
0:27:43 > 0:27:48- Kriss Akabusi is the best Chris of all time.- Yeah!
0:27:48 > 0:27:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Time to award prizes.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58For our winners, it's a bottle of Christina Aguilera's perfume,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Touch of Seduction. There you go.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Ooh!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06And for our losers,
0:28:06 > 0:28:11a big bottle of Touch of Seduction.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Ooh, that's got weight.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15So sorry. So sorry.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17My thanks to all of my guests.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Special thanks to all the Chrises here, there and everywhere.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23And thanks to you, you at home, for watching us. Good night.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25APPLAUSE