0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Hello, you, and welcome to Insert Name Here, the show where we
0:00:27 > 0:00:29discover surprising facts about people with just one thing
0:00:29 > 0:00:32in common - they've got the same name.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Joining me are six of my favourite people and I'm delighted
0:00:34 > 0:00:37to say they all have names, which I'm about to list.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Please welcome Kate Williams,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Chris Addison and team captain Josh Widdicombe,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43and on the other side Lucy Porter, Al Porter - no relation -
0:00:43 > 0:00:45and their captain, Richard Osman.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55And so to the all-important question, which name is going to be featuring tonight?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Well, they could be a Wonder, a Strange, a King or McQueen.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Tonight's name is Steve.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07So we're going to be talking about people called Steve, Stevie, Steven
0:01:07 > 0:01:10with a "v", Stephen with a "ph" and even Stephanie along the way.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Our teams will collect as many Steves as they can and at the end of
0:01:13 > 0:01:15the show, the winning team gets the honour of deciding
0:01:15 > 0:01:17the greatest Steve of all time,
0:01:17 > 0:01:20who will then be inducted into our Insert Name Here Hall of Fame.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Now, Richard, any early thoughts as to the greatest Steve?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Best Steve? It is quite a busy field.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Sometimes we do the show and if it's Ben or something,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29there's nobody.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Richard, that's another one, isn't it?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35You have gone very angry, very early.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Where will you go to now you've started there?
0:01:37 > 0:01:42It's nice sometimes for the public to see the real you, I think.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44I'm thinking if I was at an airport and I had
0:01:44 > 0:01:47a long flight and I had a choice of three books...
0:01:47 > 0:01:51One was A Brief History Of Time by Stephen Hawking,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54one the latest Stephen King,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57or one the autobiography of Stephanie Beacham.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03What I would do is have A Brief History Of Time there and people would go, "The guy from Pointless
0:02:03 > 0:02:05"is reading A Brief History Of Time, I knew he really was clever."
0:02:05 > 0:02:09But inside, I'd have Stephanie Beacham...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11And I would be going, "You're kidding.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14"You shagged Charlie Sheen?!"
0:02:14 > 0:02:17But you couldn't say that aloud because then people would think that
0:02:17 > 0:02:19you thought Stephen Hawking had shagged Charlie Sheen.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Nothing would surprise me with Stephen Hawking.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25That's a guy who's looked into a lot of black holes.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26AUDIENCE GROANS
0:02:26 > 0:02:28You've gone very rude, very early.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Nice to see the real you on TV.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Let's get on with the show. Time to pick a Steve, any Steve.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Our panellists will choose a category behind which lurks
0:02:37 > 0:02:39a famous face which our teams must then attempt to win.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41So let's have a look. We have got...
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Josh, it is your turn to go first. Who are you going to go for?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Can we have a Ballsy Steve please?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54You have picked the world's most interesting snooker player,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Steve Davis.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Is he making that levitate with his mind?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Let's rack up the stats...
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Kate, why is snooker so popular?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Is there a reason behind it?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Snooker developed in India in the 19th century, but I think we
0:03:19 > 0:03:22always like very strange sport.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24My favourite is eel pulling.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Eel pulling?!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29This was a great historic trend in 19th century Holland, particularly
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Amsterdam, and what it is, it was tug-of-war, but with an eel.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36How big is the eel?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38It starts about that big, but...
0:03:39 > 0:03:42But the authorities stopped this because they thought it
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- was dangerous...- For the eel, yes.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50It did, it created the great eel riot of 1886.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52You can't make history up!
0:03:52 > 0:03:57No, the great eel riot of 1886 was this riot saying
0:03:57 > 0:04:00bring back eel pulling, and in fact it resulted in 100 injuries
0:04:00 > 0:04:02and many, many arrests.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I did actually go to Holland this weekend and I looked for any eel pulling going on...
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Did you go to Holland to look for eel pulling?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Do you know what was in my room in Holland?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13A very respectable hotel, full of people going to the Rijksmuseum?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16There was a swing in the middle of my room.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17- A swing?- A swing.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Let's move on.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23By the window, was there a sort of illuminated red glow?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27I'll show you a photo.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32We're going to move right on.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36This is the best chat I've ever had about snooker.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Steve was a professional snooker player for 38 years.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41World number one for seven consecutive seasons
0:04:41 > 0:04:43and won 81 major tournaments.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45At one stage he was Britain's highest-paid sportsman
0:04:45 > 0:04:47while still sharing a bedroom with his younger brother.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51He has had at least nine professional nicknames.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Does anybody know any?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Romford Slim, Sue.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Romford Slim is right.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Was it like the Ginger Mushroom?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59The Ginger Mushroom?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I think that was something you had in Amsterdam.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08That's just what's written on the police report - ginger, mushroom.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12So, yes, the Ginger Mushroom, correct...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17The Prowler... No idea why.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19That's not good.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22We had no ironic nicknames in my school.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Everything was very direct.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Very literal.- Yeah. I had a friend who was quite large called Chunk.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30And I remember being in class once when a nutritionist came to visit
0:05:30 > 0:05:33and while she was giving a talk on healthy eating,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36he produced a Mars Bar from his pocket.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39He peeled it back like a banana and ate it in one bite and throughout
0:05:39 > 0:05:42the course of this he had four Mars Bars, and this will tell you
0:05:42 > 0:05:44the directness of my school.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47She said, "Chunk, you seem to eat a lot of chocolate".
0:05:47 > 0:05:51And he said, "Well, Miss, my granda' actually lived to 105".
0:05:51 > 0:05:54And she said, "Oh, he ate a lot of chocolate?" He said,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57"No, but he was a good man for minding his own bleedin' business".
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Steve's most famous match came in the final
0:06:06 > 0:06:08of the 1985 World Championships.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11After the first session, Steve had an 8-0 lead only for
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Dennis Taylor to pull it back to 9-7.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17The next day the game continued until 12.20am on a Sunday night
0:06:17 > 0:06:21when Steve only had to pot the black to win the title.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Richard, you were lucky enough to recreate that very moment
0:06:24 > 0:06:25with Steve Davis, weren't you?
0:06:25 > 0:06:30I was. He recreated it and said, "Why don't you try and pot this ball" that he famously missed.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Let's see how you got on, Richard.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I don't want to see this, how embarrassing.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Let's take a look.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Oh, congratulations.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- So sorry.- What a shot. - So sorry.- What a shot.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And one of those, please.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51You can tell he's a proper sportsmen, Steve Davis,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54cos on camera he's going, "Well done, well done".
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Literally the second the camera stopped rolling, he's...
0:06:57 > 0:06:59WHISPERS: Oh, fucking hell.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Now he's retired, what does Steve Davis get up to?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03He's a DJ now.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- He is a DJ. - What sort of stuff does he play?
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Snooker Loopy.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11He's a techno DJ. He is very into hard-core techno.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Am I having a stroke?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16There he is, giving it large.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20That woman behind seems to be firing phosphorescent lactate
0:07:20 > 0:07:21into a child's mouth.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26He is a sort of unlikely sex symbol, Steve Davis,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28or at least was in his pomp.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Any other examples of unlikely sex symbols, Kate, in history?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Well, there are quite a lot, but I think my favourite is Lord Nelson.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39Nelson was seen as not very sexy because disastrously for any
0:07:39 > 0:07:42person in the 18th century, he had ginger hair,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44was missing half his hair, some of it was going grey...
0:07:44 > 0:07:47If he was missing half his hair and the other half was grey,
0:07:47 > 0:07:48he wasn't ginger.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51And he was missing an eye,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55and missing an arm and even courtesans turned him down,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58because he also had a very thick Norfolk accent.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Sort of going, "I used to be ginger but now I'm bald".
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Antony Worrall Thompson. Do another one.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11But then when he won the Battle of the Nile in 1798, the only victory
0:08:11 > 0:08:13thus far against Napoleon,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16suddenly he was everyone's sex symbol and by the end of the year,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19every house in Britain had a picture of Lord Nelson...
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I hear he's got a massive column...
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Now it's time to play for the Steve.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31In 1982, Steve produced the world's very first televised
0:08:31 > 0:08:33maximum break of 147.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34What did he win?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Did he win a Lada?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38He did win a Lada.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43A Lada Classic.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46The tournament was sponsored by Lada and Steve was given
0:08:46 > 0:08:48a free car worth £2,500.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51He had a Porsche 928 at the time and the insurance cost more
0:08:51 > 0:08:52than the Lada.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55So he gave the Lada to his parents who came up with
0:08:55 > 0:08:56a brand-new nickname for him,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58the Romford Tightwad.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Sterling stuff. Richard's team, you get the Steve.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Richard, it's your turn to pick a Steve...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Beardy Steve, I think.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19You have picked the world's greatest film director, Steven Spielberg.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Let's get the stats and figures...
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Steven has directed some of the world's most popular blockbusters
0:09:36 > 0:09:38and produced a good few more as well.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40With the exception of Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks,
0:09:40 > 0:09:44who has made the most appearances in a Steven Spielberg film?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Aren't his dogs often in his films?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Absolutely, his dogs. Absolutely. Well done.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Steve's breakthrough came with the 1975 horror film, Jaws.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59What was the biggest problem on set?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02There was a shark on the loose!
0:10:02 > 0:10:03A health and safety nightmare.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06It was a nightmare. He was trying to do a documentary
0:10:06 > 0:10:09about a guy on a boat and suddenly...
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Seasickness.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12A very unruly cast member, shall we say.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- The shark. - The shark kept breaking.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Any similar showbiz disasters, Kate, in history?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20At the Globe, they were putting on Henry VIII and the king was
0:10:20 > 0:10:24supposed to come in to firing of cannons, but unfortunately one of
0:10:24 > 0:10:29the cannons misfired, hit a beam and set the entire theatre on fire...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Hit a bee?!
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Beam!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36What a shot that would have been.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Flying past, hit the bee, the friction causes a spark,
0:10:39 > 0:10:40the whole thing is on fire.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Someone on stage going, "To bee or not to bee".
0:10:43 > 0:10:44GROANING
0:10:44 > 0:10:45What?!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49So he hit a beam and the whole theatre just blew up?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51The whole theatre burnt down in an hour.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I saw Jim Davidson's panto and I wish that had happened.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Why was Steven labelled an inhumane prick because of Jurassic Park?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Any suggestions?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Is it the goat scene?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- No.- It's rubbish, Jurassic Park.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Every film he has made is rubbish.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Apart from Duel and Jaws.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Do you know the most unrealistic bit of Jurassic Park?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Is it when they bring the dinosaurs back to life?
0:11:17 > 0:11:18No, it's not.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Worse than that, you know when they're in the car and the
0:11:21 > 0:11:24dinosaur is coming and there's a cup of water shaking?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Who has a cup of water in a car?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32No. People thought he'd killed a dinosaur.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33What?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34During the making of Jurassic Park,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Steven posed with a mechanical triceratops.
0:11:37 > 0:11:4121 years later, a guy called Jay Branscomb posted the photo
0:11:41 > 0:11:43on Facebook with a jokey caption reading...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- That is brilliant. - So not everyone got the joke,
0:11:56 > 0:12:00despite the fact that triceratops has been extinct
0:12:00 > 0:12:02for 66 million years.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07Penelope Rayzor Buchand labelled Steven an inhumane prick, saying ...
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Attempting to restore some semblance of sanity, James Boggis wrote
0:12:19 > 0:12:23"That's Steven Spielberg, director of Jurassic Park,"
0:12:23 > 0:12:25to which Vincent Smith replied...
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Well done, the internet.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35That's brilliant.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38What did Spielberg do to annoy Michael Jackson?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Did Steven Spielberg used to be black?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46That's not what's on the card.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Michael Jackson thought he'd stolen his logo.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54In 1994, Spielberg set up a movie studio called DreamWorks.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Here is the DreamWorks logo.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58And here is the logo on Michael Jackson's ranch.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00That child looks very depressed.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03"Well, that's weird,"
0:13:03 > 0:13:05the singer told his monkey.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Jackson resented DreamWorks' success and had a dartboard
0:13:10 > 0:13:15installed in his bedroom with Steven Spielberg's face stuck to it.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19It's time now to play for the Steve.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22In 1984, Steven was working as executive producer on
0:13:22 > 0:13:26a time travelling comedy that we all know and love, Back To The Future.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30What surprising change did a studio executive demand?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I know what it was.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I actually know an answer.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I'd LOVE it if this is wrong.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42I think they filmed for the first few days
0:13:42 > 0:13:45with a different person playing Marty McFly and then they got rid
0:13:45 > 0:13:47of him and replaced him with Michael J Fox.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49That is honestly... That's unbelievable.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Not the right answer.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- But it is true! - It's true, but it's not... It has to do with the title.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57What was the title change suggestion?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Boy Nearly Gets Off With His Mum.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03I've actually seen that film, it's very bleak.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08The actual title that they wanted to rename it to was...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12No!
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Yes. It was a memo that came from studio executive Sid Sheinberg.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Spielberg sent back a message saying, "Dear Sid, thanks for your
0:14:20 > 0:14:25"humorous memo, we all got a big laugh out of it. Keep 'em coming."
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Crushing the idea.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Sadly no-one wins the Steve, though.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Josh, your turn to pick a Steve.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I'm going to go with Brainy Steve.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39You have Steve with the "ph" and a PhD -
0:14:39 > 0:14:42it's top scientist Stephen Hawking.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44He's a numbers man, let's take a look at his stats...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Before we begin, does anybody disagree with Mr Hawking's
0:15:00 > 0:15:03fundamental observations about the nature of black holes?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Yeah, I think I do a bit.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- I think I do a bit. - You think they don't emit radiation?
0:15:08 > 0:15:13I think they emit some radiation, but not as much as he makes out.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You're saying that on national television, you're refuting Stephen Hawking, saying that actually...
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Listen, I'm not refuting the kid, he's a good physicist.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23What I'm saying is, Steve,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26there is a little bit more to it than I think you're making out.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30In 2010, Stephen explained what you need to build a time machine.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Has anybody got any clues as to what you might need?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I built a time machine when I was a little girl.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35No, you didn't.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Of course you did, love.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Go back to simpler times.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Have you come here from the future to warn us about yourself?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50We had this great big box that the washing machine came in,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53so what I did was, I was about seven and my brother was about five,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I covered it in bits of clingfilm and cellophane and I put him
0:15:56 > 0:16:00in it and I used to put it on the top step of the stairs and rock it.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03And that was how you killed your brother.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06I had this great time. I used to say, "Jeff..."
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- Jeff?- Yes. - You brother's called Jeff?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12You can't call a baby Jeff, can you?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- You've made a time machine... - And put Jeff in it, and what I used to do was rock it on the top step...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20You left him there for two years and he was two years older?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24I used to say...
0:16:24 > 0:16:29I'm going to leave you here until your name is fashionable again!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31And he's still there.
0:16:32 > 0:16:38I used to say, "Jeff, we're going to the Tudor period, there's Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn..."
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Poor, poor parents.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41He would say, "Let me out to see, I want to see."
0:16:41 > 0:16:45I'm going to phone my sister and thank her for just punching me.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50So Stephen reckons his voice and wheelchair make him
0:16:50 > 0:16:53perfectly qualified to do what?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Fight crime.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58You say fight crime? The reverse...
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Be a baddie.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Be a baddie. What kind of baddie?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- Bond.- A Bond baddie.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Absolutely.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Speaking to Wired magazine in 2014, Stephen said...
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I auditioned for Bond.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Cos I'd love to be an actor and I actually...
0:17:16 > 0:17:17But they thought I was too camp.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Get away!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23They said it was less 007 and more, "Ooh, seven."
0:17:26 > 0:17:31OK. Well, this is the biggie because it's time to play for the Steve.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Stephen's a member of many distinguished clubs and societies
0:17:33 > 0:17:37including the Royal Society and the US National Academy of Science.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41But why did he distance himself from a club called Freedom Acres?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Is it a sex club?
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Thanks for that, Josh.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Can I also remind you we are in 2016,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49so technically it's a sex club...
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Josh, you are absolutely right. It was a sex club, so I will...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02So that bit is going to go out on TV?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Sue, was it a Josh Widdicombe sex club?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Welcome to Josh Widdicombe's Freedom Acres.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Absolutely, it was a swingers' club.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Somebody told me, and I was thinking this earlier as I was looking
0:18:19 > 0:18:22at the set and feeling a bit worried and threatened, that blue lights -
0:18:22 > 0:18:27not unlike these blue lights - in a window is the sign of swingers.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28- Welcome.- That's how you...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Christopher, enjoy yourself.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Time now to fire up our Steve-flavoured fruit machine.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Each spin is going to reveal three faces,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47our team must then match the extraordinary fact to the extraordinary Steve.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Also a chance to unearth more candidates
0:18:49 > 0:18:51for the greatest Steve of all time.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53So, let's spin.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56First up we have king of the musicals, Stephen Sondheim.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Then we have Steven "Morrissey" Morrissey, AKA Morrissey.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03And, what happened to him, Steve Brookstein.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Richard, this one is for you for starters.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Which Steve was in talks to write the British entry for Eurovision?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I wonder...
0:19:12 > 0:19:14It feels like the least likely answer would be Morrissey,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16so I bet it probably was.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I used to be so in love with Morrissey, in the 1980s
0:19:18 > 0:19:20I wanted to marry Morrissey.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22My friends used to say, "I think he might be gay", and I was like,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25"I don't care, I would rather marry someone like Morrissey even if
0:19:25 > 0:19:28"he is gay than some macho meathead like George Michael."
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Stephen Sondheim is a great genius. You're a fan of Sondheim?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Yeah, love him, I love musicals.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I can't walk past a garden sensor light without turning to the light
0:19:39 > 0:19:42and going, "Papa, can you hear me?"
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I don't think he would have been asked.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I think Morrissey, it's the sort of thing that maybe in the '90s...
0:19:47 > 0:19:50You've opted for Morrissey. Josh's team, what do you reckon?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53They're not going to turn to Steve Brookstein in an attempt to get success.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55What would you do if they said to you,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57"Josh, would you be the Eurovision..."
0:19:57 > 0:19:58I would love that.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02I wouldn't do it, of course, cos I can't sing and I wouldn't want to let down my country.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04That's already happened, mate.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08It was around about that moment, wasn't it?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10It can't be Brookstein, can it?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- No, it can't possibly be. - So let's go Sondheim.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Sondheim it is. Let's see the right answer.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Yeah, the BBC entered talks with Morrissey about writing and
0:20:20 > 0:20:24performing the possible 2007 entry before opting for Scooch
0:20:24 > 0:20:25with Flying The Flag.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Who hasn't watched Eurovision and thought,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29"Heaven knows I'm miserable now?"
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Richard's team, you win the Steve. Well done.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43Next up we have straight-to-DVD actor Steven Seagal.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Teutonic tennis ball-basher Steffi Graf.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48And friend to the animals Steve Backshall.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50The question is, Josh,
0:20:50 > 0:20:53which Steve launched their own line of energy drinks?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54I don't know Steve Backshall.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Steve Backshall is the presenter of Deadly 60.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59What's Deadly 60?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02It's the 60 deadliest animals in the world. It's brilliant, he's brilliant.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Is the owl in the 60 deadliest animals in the world, or...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06That's his sidekick.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Can I just say, owls are really deadly.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I went to a country fair in Staffordshire,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13a very benign environment where there was an owl enclosure
0:21:13 > 0:21:17and you could have an owl on you, on your hand and I was just sort of...
0:21:17 > 0:21:20"Can I pet it?" "Yeah, you can pet that".
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And the guy literally said, "That sort of owl,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25"that's a Scandinavian wood owl,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28"actually pecked the throat of its Danish keeper out".
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Whoa!
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Peter Schmeichel?!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35You're going to go for...
0:21:35 > 0:21:38The only thing I know about Steffi Graf is that she married
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Andre Agassi.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42He famously took other sorts of drugs, didn't he?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I don't know if he did. He just took painkilling injections.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47And crystal meth.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50So we're going to go with Steffi Graf with a range of
0:21:50 > 0:21:51crystal meth-themed drinks.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- We're going to go Steve Backshall. - OK, Richard's team.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Steven Seagal probably brings out all kinds of products because
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- he's nuts.- That's what I think. Steven Seagal.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05You're going to opt for Steven Seagal. Let's look at the right answer.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07It is Steven Seagal.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Steven Seagal released his own range of energy drinks called Lightning Bolt.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Here he is starring in an advert.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Notice the wonderful production values,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18reminiscent of his own film career.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Hey, there, we want to tell you
0:22:23 > 0:22:25about Steven Seagal's new energy drink.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27It's called Lightning Bolt.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30It's 100% natural and it tastes just great.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32In fact it's so good, he likes swimming in it.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37How's it going, baby?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Boss, I've got another 2,000 cans to go to fill this pool.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I feel so sorry for you, but you know what,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I really wanted to swim in Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt with you.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49But you know I love doing it, because I love you.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50I love you too, baby.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56Acted off the set not just by a model, but by a can of drink.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Nothing says love more than, "I'm going to get thrush for you
0:23:00 > 0:23:03"by pouring a sugary drink into my noo-noo".
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Is that what happens if you pour a sugary drink into your noo-noo?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Might do.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Congratulations, Richard's team, you win the Steve.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Next up, Hollywood icon Steve McQueen. Rrrrrrrr.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Musical genius Stevie Wonder. Rrrrrrrr.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29TV hard man Steve McFadden.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Rr...
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Which Steve used to urinate into his neighbour's flowerbed?
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Richard, what do you think?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I used to live next door to Steve McFadden...
0:23:42 > 0:23:43- Did you?- No.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Great roses.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49They were amazing, really beautiful. What do you...
0:23:49 > 0:23:50It's quite hard to tell.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Do you remember Stevie Wonder's song,
0:23:52 > 0:23:56I Just Called To Say I'm Pissing In Your Flowerbed?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58He might have wanted to correct him.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00If they're polite neighbours
0:24:00 > 0:24:02and he'd just been pissing there for years.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Like, before they moved in.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09And as they were being handed the keys, the estate agent was like,
0:24:09 > 0:24:14"By the way, Stevie Wonder thinks he has an outdoor toilet here.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17"But nobody has ever really wanted to let him know.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20"Just let him piss in your garden.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22"It's Stevie Wonder, for God's sake."
0:24:22 > 0:24:26And also, you can invite your friends round to watch - he won't just keep quiet.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- I think Steve McQueen. - Yeah.- Yeah, McFadden is too obvious.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32It's just fun to say Steve McQueen.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35You think Steve McQueen urinated in his neighbour's flowerbeds.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Yes, I do.- Good for you.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Josh's team?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42If we go Stevie Wonder, and we're wrong,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44we're going to look like idiots.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47If we go Steve McFadden and we're wrong, then at least we've
0:24:47 > 0:24:49gone wrong being logical.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Steve McFadden is sitting at home going, "What the fuck?"
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Steve McFadden isn't at home, he's two gardens away, having a piss.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59He's literally just got back in, zipping himself up and his wife is going,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01"You're not going to believe..."
0:25:04 > 0:25:05So what is your answer?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07McFadden. Bang to rights.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08You're saying McFadden.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10The right answer is...
0:25:10 > 0:25:12McQueen.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Steve McQueen had the apartment above James Garner's, and every
0:25:19 > 0:25:23night he would stand on his balcony and urinate into Garner's flowerbed.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26If he needed a number two, he'd just back on to the opposite side
0:25:26 > 0:25:28and dump straight into Dick Van Dyke's rockery.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32It was because he was annoyed that he'd done
0:25:32 > 0:25:35a motor racing movie before he had.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38He said, "You've pissed over my film, now I piss on you".
0:25:40 > 0:25:42And, Richard, you've won that Steve.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Let's play Finish The Fact.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I'll start out by reading a Steve-based gem,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55you buzz in when you think you know how it ends.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58First up, Las Vegas billionaire Steve Wynn...
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Is it his flowerbed when Steve McQueen walked up?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09He has a lot of paintings, hasn't he?
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- He has.- A famously big collection of Picassos.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Which is right. The answer is...
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I presume that's a painting and not a Citroen Picasso?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Even with all the extras and ABS as standard...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31When he turned and put...
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I know the answer to this.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35He put his elbow through it.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38He put his elbow through it. Absolutely.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46He admitted he had a spatial awareness problem.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48No shit.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49The Picasso painting was so damaged,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52the eyes ended up on different sides of her face.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Congratulations, Richard, you win the Steve.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Next, it's Olympic gold medallist rower Steve Redgrave.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13How to row on the other side of the water.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18You burn your oar if you try and use it as a pizza shovel.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25He actually learnt the French for...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31A gunshot sounds the same in any language.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Very good.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38That's quite a friendly thing to hear in an Irish accent.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44He learnt the French, only to find...
0:27:44 > 0:27:47He wasn't in France, he was in Germany or somewhere.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Is the right answer.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Only to find...
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Congratulations, Richard, you win the Steve.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03So, we have come to the end of the show and I can tell you that
0:28:03 > 0:28:07tonight's winners with the most amount of Steves is Richard's team.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Now, Richard, who are you going to name as the greatest Steve
0:28:16 > 0:28:17of all time?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19There's only one person I can go for and we are going to go for
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Stephen Hawking.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Of course. Stephen Hawking.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Let's pop Stephen in the Insert Name Here Hall of Fame.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Up he goes.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32There he is, meeting his Hall of Famers.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34He's joined...
0:28:34 > 0:28:37This is the most awkward dinner party of all time.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Alexander Graham Bell is going, "At last, someone I can talk to".
0:28:41 > 0:28:43You can tell which two episodes Richard won and which were
0:28:43 > 0:28:45the three I won.
0:28:47 > 0:28:48That's all we've got time for.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49My thanks to all of my guests.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Special thanks to all the Steves here, there,
0:28:51 > 0:28:54and everywhere and thanks so much to you at home for watching.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Goodnight.