0:00:09 > 0:00:13This programme contains some strong language
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Oh.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Hello.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Hello.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23That was quick.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Well, obviously, I know the house, so...
0:01:30 > 0:01:34So you have an unfair advantage. Unfair advantage. Yes.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, let's...
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Come on in.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Are you not going to get the... Oh.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Sorry, we weren't properly introduced. I'm Ian, by the way.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Hello.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11We'll just... Oh.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20It's Rachel, isn't it? Rebecca.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Rebecca. I work with Jeremy. Oh.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I say work with. I'm more on the IT side, but obviously with him
0:02:28 > 0:02:32being the Office Manager, there is a fair amount of overlap.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34He's more responsible for infrastructure
0:02:34 > 0:02:38whereas I take more of a lead in programme development. Right. Right.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41What did you say your name was again? It's Ian.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44That's right. Yes. Jeremy HAS mentioned you.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:02:47 > 0:02:50DANCE MUSIC LEAKS THROUGH EARPHONES
0:03:06 > 0:03:08DOOR CLOSES
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Hm. Sh!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I wonder who that was. Don't know.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18It could be a long game.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Yes.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31So, how does it feel to be engaged, Rachel? Rebecca.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Rebecca. You set a date yet?
0:03:34 > 0:03:369th November.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Oh, dear.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39That's 9/11.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45You'll not forget that in a hurry, will you?
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Oh.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50No, I hadn't thought of it that way, to be honest.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52BANGS HIS HEAD ON HANGER
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Well, you must.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02I was christened Richard Ian Percival, if you can believe that.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05RIP.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Boo. Oh, Carl. Get in quick.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I heard you talking. Very slack, Rebecca.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Why are you hiding in here?
0:04:15 > 0:04:16I didn't choose it, did I?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Guilty as charged. Have you met Ian?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Carl.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23I'm Rebecca's brother.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27So, you must know all the nooks and crannies of the house, then.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Oh, yes.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I spent most of my Christmases hiding in various cupboards
0:04:31 > 0:04:33waiting for my bossy little sister to find me.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38You never could, though, could you?
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Get in.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Is Daddy playing?
0:04:53 > 0:04:58He said he would. He's out showing Mark and Elizabeth the stables.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01He can do that afterwards. We're meant to be playing the game.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03It's all right. Keep your voice down.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05You'll give us all away.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Yeah, chill out, bitch.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Sorry, that was misjudged.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Actually, it was quite funny.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19She is a bit of a bitch, aren't you, Becks?
0:05:24 > 0:05:25DOOR OPENS
0:05:25 > 0:05:29MAN: Lollipops!
0:05:29 > 0:05:34Come and get your lollipops. Where are those children hiding?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Now, then, if I were going to secrete myself in this room,
0:05:39 > 0:05:40where would I go?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Not behind those curtains. They're a migraine waiting to happen.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Oh, hanging around the toilets, perhaps.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It, er, has been known.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57Or would I enjoy spending time in the closet?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, not interrupting anything, I hope.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Come on.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08It's like the back room of Cinderella's at Wakefield.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Has anyone got any poppers or lube? Stuart.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12You two know each other, then, do you?
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Unfortunately, yes.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15They're partners.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16In what line?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Well, used to be straight up and down, but not any more.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20I'm in IT.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Congratulations.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I'm in SH-IT cos I got in late last night, didn't I?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Stuart, you can do what you like. It doesn't bother me.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Oh, I see. You're living together partners.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Yeah, we're queer, dear, get used to it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34That's it. I can't stay here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Carl, please.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Stuart, behave.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38This party's not about you.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40It's about me and Jeremy, so butt out. Carl.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46You're much prettier when you're angry, and so are you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Anyway, changing the subject slightly, I'm not being funny,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51but there's a man downstairs that absolutely stinks.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Yes, that's Stinky John.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55And what is it? Is it his clothes? His breath?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I don't know. He was at school with us, wasn't he, Carl?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Yes. That's when he was just John. Not Stinky John.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Something must have happened to him. He just stopped washing one day.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Maybe we should trace it back.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Maybe we should. Who Do You Stink You Are?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10And what about all the other ones? There was that really boring one.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Yes, and, um, what about that old woman that's wandering around?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Oh, God, that's Geraldine. She's Daddy's cleaner.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I asked her to come and serve drinks but she thinks she's a guest.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25That is hilar! You've got to tell her.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I can't now. She's all dressed up.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Dressed up? She looks like Feed The Birds.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34There's a sandwich man at work who wears a yellow T-shirt.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37It's a jersey but it's T-shirt material,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and all the girls call him Mustard Mike.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Well, thank God I brought champagne.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Who wants a swig?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Found them! They're in here! Sh.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20That's it, is it? I've won? No, you've got to hide as well.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21Oh, OK.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23No, in here! Us.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, there's not really much space in there.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27That's why it's fun, apparently.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I'm a little bit claustrophobic.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Then it's even more fun.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Quick, before someone sees you.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46So, what happens now?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50We wait for the others to find us.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53So, how do you win?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Nobody wins. You just wait.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Oh.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01All right.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08So, when does the game start?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10This is the game, Rachel. We're playing it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Oh, so you're Rachel, are you?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Yes, hello.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Because I've been calling Rebecca Rachel, haven't I? Yes.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23I think I just got mixed up because Jeremy talks about you all the time.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Does he?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Yes.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Who are you talking to?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Which one are you again? Rebecca. Yes.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Oh, I've not seen this much wood since I was... Don't.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39So what does Jeremy say about me? I'm sorry?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41At work. You said he talks about me.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Oh, just...
0:09:43 > 0:09:46the usual boring girlfriend stuff.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Boring girlfriend?
0:09:50 > 0:09:55Not that you're boring. Just the stuff he says about you is...
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Boring?
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Yes.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Coming from you, Ian, that's quite something. Thank you.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04You're welcome.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07RACHEL: Is anyone else getting hot?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I just need to open the door a crack. I just need to get some air.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Wait till Stinky John gets here. You'll need more than a crack.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Is Stinky John playing? Everybody's playing. It's Sardines.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Oh, I don't know if I can stay in here if he gets in. I do get a bit...
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Don't worry. Me and you will nip through to Narnia,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22have a snowball fight, get some Turkish Delight.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I'm sorry. I need to breathe. No, you're not allowed.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27She's allowed to breathe.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29IAN: I wouldn't mind stretching the old legs, actually.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Been in here a while.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34What? Oh, this is ridiculous.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35I'm going to have a pee-break then.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37That champagne's gone right through me.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Well, don't flush it.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Don't worry. You know my motto. If it's yellow, let it mellow.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42If it's brown, flush it down.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Oh, occupied!
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Sorry! Well, that's something I shall never un-see.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Who is it? Feed The Birds.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Geraldine.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Shouldn't she be using the staff toilets?
0:10:55 > 0:10:56TOILET FLUSHES
0:11:04 > 0:11:05(You OK?)
0:11:05 > 0:11:07(What's the matter with you?)
0:11:07 > 0:11:11(What do you think, Rebecca? Look where we are.)
0:11:15 > 0:11:18There you go, lovey. Doesn't have a lock.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21It's an en suite. You warmed the seat for me.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I heard you all talking in there.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I just didn't want to disturb you.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30That's a bomby dress.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Thank you. I got it in Paris.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36My hip went that colour when I fell up some steps at Legoland.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I was just getting some air. I'm a bit claustrophobic.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Is that why you can't bear to touch a snake?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45STUART: 'You've got that, haven't you, Carl?'
0:11:45 > 0:11:47I'd hardly call it a snake, Stuart.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50More like a scaly lizard.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52'I heard that.' Good.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Right. Shall we...
0:11:55 > 0:11:56assume the position?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59REBECCA: (It's just a game.)
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Wait for me!
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Room for little 'un.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Of course there is.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It's like the time and relative dimension in space.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20TARDIS.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26So, Rachel, tell me again how you know Jeremy.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Um...
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Rachel is Jeremy's ex, Geraldine.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Oh, that's it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I knew it was something I wasn't supposed to mention.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42We're just mates now. Text buddies.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44He BBMs me every now and again at weekends.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Oh, lovely.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51Yeah, he BBMs me a lot, too. Always BBMing.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54What it is to be young.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01It's been ages since I've been in this room.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Your dad usually keeps it locked. You know, after...
0:13:03 > 0:13:07We're not going down that road, Geraldine. It's a party, remember?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Oh, yes.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13# Why am I always the bridesmaid
0:13:13 > 0:13:16# Never the blushing bride
0:13:16 > 0:13:20# Ding dong, wedding bells
0:13:20 > 0:13:24# Only ring for other girls
0:13:24 > 0:13:26# One fine day
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# Oh let it be soon
0:13:29 > 0:13:36# I shall wake up in the morning on my own honeymoon. #
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Right, I'm coming back in. Nobody fart.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Smell that. Carbolic. We should get some of that for our en suite.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50This is fun, isn't it?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Thank you, Geraldine. Yes, it is.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Fun.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Do you have a girlfriend, Ian?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03No. No.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Young, free and single at the moment.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I'm not being a monk.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13I've had some experiences, but no.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Pretty barren at the moment.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19A pretty arid patch.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24We'll have to get it fixed up, won't we? Yes.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Do you like him, Rachel? No, no, no.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32I have a boyfriend. His name is Lee. Did you meet him downstairs?
0:14:32 > 0:14:38Yes, he gave me his jacket and asked me to get him a drink.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Oh he's only young. How young? Is he legal? He's 21. Oh, toy boy.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45You know what they say. If there's grass on the wicket, let play commence.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Oh, for fuck's sake, Stuart. Give it a rest.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50What's gotten into you?
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Can't you just talk like a normal human being for five minutes? Sh.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55WOMAN: Mark, in here.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Have you managed to get rid of him yet?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Yeah, he's gone off to look for the others.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05God, I loathe playing other people's family games. It's trouble.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07We should have been done by now.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08You said we'd be away by three.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Why don't you just do the lie about the babysitter being ill?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Because it needs to be seeded. You need to seed it.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Doesn't need to be seeded. You just say it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20"Oh, I'm awfully sorry, we've got to go now. Babysitter's not feeling very well." Boom.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23You're so naive, Mark. Listen, listen.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Old man may be tedious, but he's our way into Dicky Laurence, yeah?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27So, we have to put a shift in.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I thought you hated Dicky Laurence. Yeah, I hate Dicky Laurence.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31He's a first-class prick,
0:15:31 > 0:15:34but I need him to smooth over that merger next year, yeah?
0:15:34 > 0:15:35You know what they say.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Such a horrible shit, Mark.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42That's why you bloody love me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44SHE LAUGHS
0:15:44 > 0:15:47THEY LAUGH
0:15:47 > 0:15:49No! Mark, stop it. Come on!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Just fingers.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53SHE LAUGHS
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Someone could walk in on them.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Well, that's the thrill of it, Geraldine. Get out of the way, I'm going to film it.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03No, you don't. Pervert. Quick, someone make a noise.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07HE STRAINS FAINTLY
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I think that was a bit too subtle, Ian.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Geronimo!
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Fuck.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Oh, you found us. Well done.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36What the hell?! Sardines.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Hello, Mark. Welcome to the wardrobe.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Ian. I work for you.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48In IT.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Of course. Hi.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52We've been hiding in here for ages waiting for someone to find us,
0:16:52 > 0:16:56and these doors are so thick, we didn't hear anything, did we?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58No, no. No.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Do you want to come in then? Before Daddy finds us? Um...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Yeah, I'm a teeny bit worried about the babysitter.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08She said she's feeling under the weather.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Oh, well, so you did.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14No, I'm sure we'll be all right for a few minutes, won't we? Yup.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Yeah, looks like a lot of fun.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22All right.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I'm getting in.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Yes. Everybody watch my shoes.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Or maybe I should just take them off... Just get in Liz. Yes, good.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32The sooner we start. You stay in there next to Rachel.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Rebecca. Sorry.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37It's my engagement party. Nobody seems to know my name.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41No, it's just that Jeremy always says...
0:17:41 > 0:17:42What?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46This one's Rachel.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50RACHEL: Nice to meet you, too.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Ah, there you are. Already been in here once.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Lee, come in. We're having such a laugh.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Wardrobe. Can't believe I didn't check the fucking wardrobe.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I'm a knob. Is everything all right? I thought I heard someone shouting.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05That was me. I said "Geronimo!"
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Don't ask me why.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Have you met everyone? Lee, this is Ian.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11He's... Works with Mark.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13For Mark, actually. I own the company.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Oh, yeah. Well, if you ever need any roofing doing.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You know Rebecca, obviously. And this is Mark's wife, Elizabeth.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Hello.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Hi. You all right? You look like you've been crying.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28It's just a little bit dusty in here, that's all.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33And this is Rebecca's brother, Carl. And that's Stu, his...
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Flatmate. Pleased to meet you.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Flatmate? And this is Geraldine.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Oh, yeah, I know, yeah.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Wouldn't mind a cheeky top up if you don't mind, love. Pardon?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Little cheeky champers. Or succa.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Why do you keep asking me?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Rebecca said you were serving drinks. No.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52No. I'm a guest. He's got his wires crossed.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Yes, we're all guests here. All equal.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I used to be their nanny.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I've known all three of them since they were so high.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Three of them? Mmm.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Yes, we have a sister. Caroline.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Is she not coming, Becky? I'd love to see the boys again.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09They must be getting quite big now.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13No, they can't make it. It's a bit too far to travel. Oh.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'll go get my own drink then, shall I?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Here we go, Lee. I've got some contraband you can have.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23We'll form a splinter group under the bed.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24You can't do that.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27It's all right. I'm sure my flatmate won't mind.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Come on, then.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Are you trying to bum me?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I'm sorry, Stuart. That's against the rules.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Homophobic?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Oh, you've got that, haven't you, lovey?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41No, I'm claustrophobic.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Well, it is a little crowded in here.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Yes, it's almost like we're a tin of sardines.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Actually, Colin, why don't you step out for a minute and give us
0:19:48 > 0:19:54a bit of room. Yes. I mean, it's Ian, but, yes.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Yes. Sorry. Ian. Under the bed with those two, yeah?
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Sorry, private party.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01No, you cannot play Sardines in this.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06Everyone is hiding in the same place together. That's what makes it fun.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Oh, yes. Oh, Lee. That's nice. Oh, keep doing that.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27What big hands you've got. Oh, yes.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28RACHEL: 'Lee?'
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Babe, I'm not doing anything.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32'Leave him alone, Stuart.'
0:20:32 > 0:20:34What's the matter, Carl? You jealous? 'Piss off.'
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Stop arguing, you two. This is ridiculous.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39It's not my fault you're afraid of intimacy, Carl.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42'And it's not my fault either.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43'You have no idea.'
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Ta-da.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01John.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Oh, looks like I'm one of the last to join the party.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Can I squeeze in? No.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I just think it's a bit too full.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13No, there's plenty of room.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17I feel sick.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Breathe through your mouth.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Actually, John, some people are hiding under the bed.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Oh, no, you don't. Just what thinks I'm a bit claustrophobic.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26That's not the game, is it?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30You're all meant to be squashed in together. That's the rules.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Yes, but we thought it doesn't really matter about the rules.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35As long as we're all in the same room it still counts.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40All right. As you wish.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Actually, John, there really isn't room under here.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49There's suitcases and everything.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Isn't that right, Lee? Packed mate. Sorry.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55I don't think I'd fit under there anyway, to be honest.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58What with the old 26 pack.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Yeah, you're better off going with the wardrobe group.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02All right.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06'I'm back again.'
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Hang on. What's going on here?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Is it caught or something?
0:22:13 > 0:22:17It's stuck, John. Maybe try going in the bathroom.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19First time for everything.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I can see what it is. It's fingers.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Someone's holding it with their fingers.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26No, we're trying to push it.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Oh, let him in. Poor lad.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31We can't. Mark, tell them. Try again behind the curtain.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35All right. Funniest game of Sardines I've ever played.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Ah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41You haven't seen Rebecca anywhere, have you, John?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Oh, caught red-handed.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45She's...hiding in the wardrobe.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48But you can't get in. Door's stuck, apparently.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Right. Thanks.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51(And there's two under the bed.)
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It's a shambles.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Becks. It's Jeremy. Hi.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Listen, darling, I've just got to pop down to the station.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Pick up a chum who's running a bit late. I can't seem to find my keys.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08You haven't had them, have you? No, they're in your jacket.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12'No, I've looked. They're not there. I can't find them. I might have to take the Mini. Is that OK?'
0:23:12 > 0:23:15All right. Drive safely, though.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19'Love you.' Love you too, Rachel. Rebecca.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Rebecca, I love you.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33What is that awful smell? Hello, Andrew.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Searched this room, have you?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Yes. I believe there are some people hiding in the wardrobe.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Some under the bed, and Stinky John... John is behind the curtains.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46No, that is absolutely wrong. Come out from there, boy.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49You all have to be in the same place.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53This isn't Hide and Go Seek. You know the rules, don't you?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Well? Yes, sir.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Come on. Out, out.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02It's like the Diary Of Ann Frank.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Hi, Daddy.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Five more sardines to go in the tin.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Sorry, Andrew, it's just I need to... Come on. In you go.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10That's it.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Come along.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16THEY PUSH AND SHOVE ONE ANOTHER
0:24:22 > 0:24:23There we go.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26That's the name of the game. Sardines.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28This is fucking mental.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31I've got to tweet a picture of this.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Oh, God. Here we are.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Right. Smile, everyone.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43It's just they both start with an R, so I...
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Would anyone like a mint? John?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54No, thank you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Are you sure? They're very refreshing.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01They give me diarrhoea.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Oh, dear God.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06I'll have one, actually. I've got something catching in my throat.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Pass them round.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Andrew. Elizabeth was just asking after Dicky Laurence.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19How is he these days?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Dicky Laurence? Haven't spoken to him in two years.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Dreadful man. Ah, I thought...
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Ah, you thought you were going to use me as a stepping stone, did you?
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Well, tough titty. That bridge was burned a long time ago.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Babysitter.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39You're still in love with her, aren't you?
0:25:49 > 0:25:53We used to love playing Sardines at parties, didn't we, Dad?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Oh, yes. We used to call it an icebreaker.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Do you remember the Sardines song?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Of course.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# A baby sardine saw his first submarine... #
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Don't you dare sing that.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07My house. I'll do what I bloody well like.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Is it just me or is there, like, a shitty smell in here?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Do you remember the year we had the Cub Scouts jamboree?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Chaos it was. Kiddies everywhere.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34That was a long time ago.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37We were having such a laugh.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42And then this one little boy spoiled it. What was his name?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I think we ought to be making a move now.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50Oh, the police were involved and everything. Do you remember, John?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Phillip Harrison.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55That's it. Little Pip.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Whatever happened to him?
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Family moved away, as I recall. Spain or Somerset.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Mmm, good riddance I say.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Accusing you of such horrible things.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08He paid them to go away.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13I was teaching the boy how to wash himself. Basic hygiene.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Well, we weren't all that lucky.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Were we, John?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I can smell carbolic soap.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25All right. That's enough.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Now, before I ring Jeremy Kyle...
0:27:39 > 0:27:43..can I just say there's no-one actually looking for us any more. We're all here.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45No, that Ian fella's not here.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Yes, I've got to go and pick him up from the station actually, so...
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Erm, he's in the bathroom, I think. What?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55He's a boring chap with glasses.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57Oh, no, that's not Ian.
0:28:12 > 0:28:17# A baby sardine saw his first submarine... #
0:28:17 > 0:28:18ANDREW: 'Hello?'
0:28:20 > 0:28:24# He was scared and watched through the peephole... #
0:28:24 > 0:28:26'What's going on?'
0:28:29 > 0:28:33# Oh, come, come, come, said the sardine's mum... #
0:28:35 > 0:28:36'Open this door.'
0:28:36 > 0:28:40# It's only a tin full of people. #
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Pip?
0:28:45 > 0:28:48THEY RATTLE THE WARDROBE DOORS
0:28:48 > 0:28:50RATTLING
0:28:50 > 0:28:52BANGING
0:28:56 > 0:28:59RATTLING