0:00:20 > 0:00:27This programme contains some strong language
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- Which one of these is the frumpiest? - Hmm?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I'm meant to be choosing my outfit for this audition.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34She's meant to be a frumpy spinster.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- Well, what you're wearing now is good.- I haven't changed yet.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39I meant out of these two.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Oh, the blue one.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Really? Not this one?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Oh, whichever. What are you auditioning for?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- D-day Doris.- Ha!- What?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I thought you said D-day Doris.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I did say D-day Doris. It's a play about land girls.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Sounds like the kind of shit they tour around old people's homes.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58It is. I haven't worked for five months, Tom.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- Beggars can't be choosers.- Yep.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- Speaking of which, have you seen that tramp down there?- Where?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08There. Between the parked cars down there, look.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- I can't see anything.- Well, exactly.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13What kind of place is that to be a beggar, if no-one can see him?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16He might not be begging. He might be waiting for someone.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Of course he's begging. He's got a polystyrene cup in front of him.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Could be a pavement artist. - Piss artist more like.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Yes, well, there but for the grace of God.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26What? Saying I could be a tramp?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Don't use that word, Tom.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- What, tramp?- Yes. It's insulting.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32It's like gypsy or half-caste. You can't say it.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Well, whatever it is, I don't like it. It's weird.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Do you want me to walk you to walk you to the tube?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39No, I'll be alright.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42He's hardly going to attack a spinster named Doris, is he?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- How are you getting on with your marking?- It's alright.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I'm giving them all a 'wow' stamp
0:01:46 > 0:01:48and every fifth one gets a 'brilliant.'
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I think you should be truthful. It matters what you write.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I remember teachers' comments.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55If I read all these and marked them all properly I'd be here all night.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58What would rather be doing? Staring out the window at your little...
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- What?- Indigent.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04See, you don't know what to call him either, do you? A tramp's a tramp.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- I've got to go.- Right, I'm going to walk you to the tube.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- You don't have to.- I am.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I love you, Tom.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I need some milk anyway.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22HE TUTS
0:02:22 > 0:02:24OK, not to worry. Ring me when you get home, all right.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26DOOR BUZZER RINGS
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Right, I've got to go. I think my pizza's arrived. OK, yeah, love you.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Speak later. Bye.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Hello.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36'I've got your wallet.'
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Pardon?
0:02:39 > 0:02:43'I think I've got your wallet. I found it outside.'
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Err, OK, come up.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47DOOR BUZZES
0:02:58 > 0:03:00FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Sorry, I just found it.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Oh, where, where was it?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- By the shops. - Oh, didn't even know I'd lost it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21It's all there. I didn't take anything.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Oh, no, no, I was just... I've got some dry-cleaning in,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27and you know what it's like when you can't find your ticket.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30I don't do much dry-cleaning.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY - No.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Well, look, thank you and I want to give you something.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Oh, you don't have to.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40No, no, I'd like to.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I've only got 20s.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Haven't got any change, have you?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I might have a little bit in my cup...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Nah, nowhere near enough.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Right, look, I'm going to give you...I'm going to give you two 20s.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Oh, no, that's too much.- Yeah, it is.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Ideally I would give you 30, but, well,
0:04:00 > 0:04:02you saved me a lot of hassle, you know?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Cancelling cards, and so, thanks.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I'm Migg.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Sorry?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- My name's Migg.- Mick? - No, Migg. Two Gs.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Steady on, I've just given you two 20s.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Sorry, do you want them back?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19No, I was making a joke about the Gs being like grands.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Anyway, I need to close this door because it's freezing outside.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Yeah. Yeah, I know it is.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yeah, of course you do.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Well...
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Thanks.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01KNOCK AT DOOR
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Hello?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Oh, hi, Tom. It's Migg.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Sorry, who is it?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Migg. I found your wallet.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22What, again?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25No, before. Can I come in?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Err, I've just got out of the shower.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I've brought you a present.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Just...wait a minute.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48How did you get in?
0:05:48 > 0:05:53The door was open. Here. I used the money you gave me.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58I did have a little nip. I'm sorry. It's bitter out there tonight.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Oh, is it?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Well, I just wanted to say thank you.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06What for? I haven't done anything.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08It's just nice to talk to a fellow human.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Makes me feel like I exist.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15See you then.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Look, do you want a quick drink?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Sorry? - Just one for the road. One.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Oh, I suppose so.- Come in.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Thanks.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Should I take my shoes off?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34If you don't mind.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Actually, fuck it, leave them on. It's fine.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Thank you.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Right, well, I'll get some glasses, shall I?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I'm afraid I haven't got any ice.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Oh, that's alright. I'm cold enough.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Yeah, so you keep saying.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Oh, sorry. Should I not sit here? Do you want me to move?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08No, no, it's fine. You've done it now.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Best to just contain it.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Here you go.- Thanks.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You doing your homework?
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Yeah, marking. Ancient Egypt's come round again.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Ah.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I've actually got an assembly tomorrow
0:07:34 > 0:07:35so I can't stay up too long.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Oh, of course.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45It must be a rewarding job, though.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50Yeah, it's alright. It's not really what I want to do.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What do you want to do?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Well, I'm writing a novel, actually.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Really? What's it about?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Well, it's like an English Charles Bukowski.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- You won't have heard of him. - I know Charles.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Oh, yeah? Which one have you read?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05No, I mean I know him. Well, I knew him.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I met him in New York.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Really?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Because he was a...one of you for a while.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Yeah, he took a bit of a shine to me.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21- I spent a few weeks with him while he was writing his last book.- Pulp?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24That's the one. Do you know, I've never actually read it.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Well, I've got a copy of it here...
0:08:30 > 0:08:33MIGG LAUGHS
0:08:34 > 0:08:39So, what...what was he like?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43CB? Oh. He was an amazing man.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Do you know, he told me such stories.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Such stories.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05Tom, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- What time is it?- It's 10.20. I thought you had an assembly.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Oh, shit, 12 missed calls.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13What have you been doing?
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- It was Migg.- Who?- You know, the guy from across the road.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What, the tramp?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Yeah, don't call him that. He's met Charles Bukowski.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Has he been in the flat? - He's still here I think. Migg!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Don't! I can't believe this.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29You invited a tramp in off the street and got pissed with him.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It wasn't like that. He found my wallet. He was being kind.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36It's really good. He's given me loads of really good ideas for the novel.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- You wait till you meet him. - I don't want to meet him.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Get rid of him. You better call the school and make your apologies.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44You need that job. You're not a writer yet.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Oh, well, at least I've got a job, DJ Doris.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Thank you very much.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I got offered the job, so piss off, Tom.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And it's D-Day Doris, actually.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Gerri!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00DOOR SLAMS SHUT
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Oh, morning, Tom. I hope you don't mind. I had a bath.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- No, that's fine. - I left the water in if you want to...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09No, you're alright, thanks.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm late for work. I've got to get going.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I'm not being funny, Tom, but is that wise?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I mean, it's one thing missing your assembly
0:10:17 > 0:10:20but you might make it worse if you turn up stinking of booze.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I'd phone in sick if I were you.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Oh, yeah, all right, well, I'll tell them
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- I'll go in just for the afternoon. - Yeah.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32So who's Gerry? Is he your flatmate?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34No, it's my girlfriend. Gerri with an I.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Ah, the mad actress. HE CHUCKLES
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Hey?- That's what you were calling her last night.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, God, I don't remember.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Let me make you some breakfast. I need five eggs and some liver.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Listen, Migg, I think maybe you better be making a move.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48I've got a lot of marking to do
0:10:48 > 0:10:50and Gerri's going to be back later on, so...
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Yeah, that's fine, Tom, but I haven't got any clothes.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55What?
0:10:55 > 0:10:59You put them all in a bin bag and threw them out last night.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00- Did I?- Yeah.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03You said you'd give me some of your clothes
0:11:03 > 0:11:05so I didn't look like such an "incident?"
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Yeah, I meant indigent.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- All right, well, I'll sort some stuff out for you.- There's no rush.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Sit down. I'll make us that breakfast, shall I?
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Right...
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Yeah.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22MIGG HUMS TO HIMSELF
0:11:22 > 0:11:25I'm sorry.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Thanks.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31- Right, three on Kamchatka. - What? Where the hell's Kamchatka?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- There. I can bring my infantry over from Alaska.- How?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36There's a sea lane across the Pacific.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Erm, what have I got now?
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Erm, New Guinea and Iceland.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Yeah, OK, you know what? You win.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Do you not want to see it through to the end?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46It doesn't end. It never ends.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Do you want to play the Settlers of Catan?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51No, I just want to have a bath, get something to eat
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- and get ready for school tomorrow. - It's Saturday tomorrow.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Oh, piss off! Even win the days!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58HE CHUCKLES
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I wish Gerri would phone.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- AUTOMATED VOICE: - 'You have no messages.'
0:12:15 > 0:12:16I'd like to meet this Gerri.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Yeah. You'd like her.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Tom and Gerri.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Her last boyfriend was called Ben.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27I don't get it.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32Ice cream. Never mind. I might get some, actually.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'm a bit peckish. Do you want anything?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36A couple of bottles of red wouldn't go amiss.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Oh, and we're running out of cigarettes.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Oh, all right, well, I'll see you in a minute.- OK, thanks Tom.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I really appreciate it.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52THE PHONE RINGS
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- VOICE MAIL MESSAGE:- 'Hi, this is Tom.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00'I can't get to the phone, please leave a message.'
0:13:00 > 0:13:04'Hi, Tom. It's Stevie. I'm just checking to see you're OK.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09'Jackie said you phoned in sick. Shame you missed the assembly.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11'They did you proud.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- 'Except saying Tutankhamen. Dylan said Tutan Common.- (LAUGHS)
0:13:15 > 0:13:18'Which got a good laugh. And little Mandy Smith had to
0:13:18 > 0:13:21'run out for a wee during Walking on Sunshine.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25'Everyone sends their love. I hope you're OK.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30'I know it's not been easy. Call me, will you?
0:13:30 > 0:13:34'Anyway, I hope to see you Monday. Take care. Bye.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35'Aww, he wasn't in...'
0:13:35 > 0:13:37AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Play message.'
0:13:37 > 0:13:39'Hi Tom. It's Stevie...'
0:13:39 > 0:13:43AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Message deleted. You have no messages.'
0:13:46 > 0:13:48MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Well, look who it is.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33D-day Doris finally emerges from the bomb shelter.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Oli's changed the title.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- To what?- Lucy Land Girl.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Much stronger. Can you close the door, please? It's freezing.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- Is it true?- What?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Stevie said that you've resigned from your job?- Yeah.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49It was a waste of time. I found it childish.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50You were a primary school teacher.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Well, I was. I'm a writer now. I create things.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Can I open the window, please? It stinks of pumps.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Shoe pumps or bottom pumps?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Both.- Look, you can't just turn up here after one week
0:15:01 > 0:15:03and start running my life for me.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I told you I'd been rehearsing in Portsmouth all week.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06No, you didn't.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Tom, I left you half a dozen messages.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Well, I lost my phone.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12That's not my fault, is it?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Look, I spoke to Stevie,
0:15:16 > 0:15:18and he said that if you go in and speak to Mr Patterson...
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I don't want to speak to Mr Patterson. I don't want to work, OK?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Migg's gone to the dole office to get the signing on forms.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Migg? You mean the tramp.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28He's not a tramp.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Yeah, well he's not now, is he? No. He's got himself a nice little flat.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33He's using you, Tom.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Aww, are you jealous cos he's nicked your idea?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Ooh, I'm doing pub theatre. I'm doing Lucy Land Girl.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Haven't got much money this week. Can I stay over at yours?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Oh, can I borrow 50 quid?
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Nice.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53DOOR SLAMS
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Fucking hell.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19AUTOMATED VOICE: 'You have no messages.'
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Sorry, what was that?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23AUTOMATED VOICE: 'You have no messages.'
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Oh. No post either. They on strike, do you think?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29AUTOMATED VOICE: 'You have no messages.'
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Waiting for my Giro to come through. I'm running out of money.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Oh, have I got any messages?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36AUTOMATED VOICE: 'You have no messages.'
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Yeah, thought not.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40RATTLING
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- It's my birthday today. - Happy birthday.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- I didn't get a single card.- Ah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Grandma normally sends me one recorded delivery
0:16:56 > 0:17:00three weeks in advance. Could have done with that tenner.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Maybe it's in the second post.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09Everyone's forgotten about me. I've dropped out of society. Pot, 5.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Have a beer.- I don't want one.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Well, why don't you do the washing up?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I beg your pardon?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23If you're so bored. It's been sitting there for two or three days.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Who's flat is this?- I'm only saying. - Well, don't say.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- 29.- I do do it anyway. - With respect, Tom, you don't.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Putting it in some warm water
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and leaving it does not constitute doing the washing up.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- It has to soak.- Not for a fortnight.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39At some stage you should really take the things out of the mucky,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42tea-bag stained water and put them on the draining board to dry.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45That way... There's no such word as that.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48That way, you don't have to start using your collection of Easter egg
0:17:48 > 0:17:50mugs from years back just cos there's no clean cups left.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Well, why don't you do it then?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Or are you still using your little polystyrene tramp cup?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- There's no need for that. - There's every need.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00You stank when you first came in here.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03You stank like a dirty bag of wet washing.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06How much washing up did you do then, Annette fucking Newman?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Don't judge me, Tom.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14You have no right to judge me.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24La? What's La?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27A note to follow So.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Oh, fuck this!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Aww, thank you, Grandma.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55THIS MORNING THEME TUNE PLAYS
0:18:57 > 0:19:00DOOR BUZZER RINGS
0:19:04 > 0:19:06DOOR BUZZER RINGS
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Hello?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- STEVIE:- 'Avon calling. Can you buzz me in?'
0:19:19 > 0:19:20DOOR BUZZES
0:19:23 > 0:19:28Tom, what is that? Designer stubble?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30What do you want, Stevie? It's not a good time.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33No, I know it's not. I know it's not.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35That's why I come bearing Krispy Kremes,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37and you and I is gonna have a chat.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42FLIES BUZZING
0:19:43 > 0:19:46STEVIE AUDIBLY SHUDDERS
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Life of grime.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53So, how are you, Tom?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I haven't seen you in weeks. Bearing up?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right...
0:19:58 > 0:20:03Not being a nosy parker, (am), but how are you getting on for money?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I, I just don't want to think about it.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Well, a few of us at the school have had a whip around.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Now not everyone took part. Naming no names. Linda Price.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15And it was up to me to get you something.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18So I thought, what would he rather have?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- Cash, or Body Shop vouchers, so I got you...- Cash.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- No. Body Shop vouchers.- Oh.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Well, I'll just leave them there.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Don't lose them among debris. - All right.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I'm getting the feeling now you'd rather have had the cash.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42No, it's alright.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45I'll be fine once my benefits start coming through.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47In fact, Migg says I'll probably be better off.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Migg? Who's Migg?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51He's just a friend.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Oh, I've never heard of him. Mystic Migg.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57What are your plans for tonight?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Uh, nothing.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02In that case, why don't you jump in the shower and I'll take us to Wagamama.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05We'll have the chicken-katsu-curry and fuck the diet. Me, not you.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- Yeah, no, I...- It's my treat.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I...I don't want to.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Well, I can see you're busy.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- Promise me you'll phone if you want to chat and that.- OK. Bye.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26And don't forget about those Body Shop vouchers.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29They might come in handy.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04WATER RUNS
0:22:06 > 0:22:09INDISTINCT SPEECH
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Migg?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19LIGHT BUZZES
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Gerri?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34'Hi, Mr Farris, this is Brian from Eastway Electricity.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38'Just to remind you that as your bill for £126.15 is still outstanding,
0:22:38 > 0:22:40'and as you haven't replied to any of our messages,
0:22:40 > 0:22:44'we will have to terminate the supply at 1800 hours.'
0:22:49 > 0:22:51HE STARTS TO CRY
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Shit, what's going on?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04HE FLICKS LIGHT SWITCH
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Overdone a fuse?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08We've been cut off.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Oh, come on, Tom. Have you not paid the bill or something?
0:23:13 > 0:23:18- Where's my money, Migg? You said my Giro would come.- It will come.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Just takes a little bit of time to process.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Maybe I should take over the rent or the lease or something.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- Just till your housing benefit comes through.- How?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Started a new job today. A new beginning.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36What are you doing?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38I'm working with kids on an outreach programme.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42It's going to be so rewarding. Here.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Take this.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Oh, no. This is too much.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I'd like you to have it. You've done so much for me.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Ah, you're running me a bath? How thoughtful.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Thanks, Tom.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Tom. What are you doing sitting in the dark?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14We've been cut off.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19I'm so sorry, Gerri. I miss you so much. Everything's going wrong.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21You can't carry on like this, Tom.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- I know. Please don't leave me. - I'm not going anywhere.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- You need to sort your head out. You're just in a slump.- I know.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Migg says I'll be alright once my benefits start coming through
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- and then I can get back to my writing...- Tom.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37And maybe I could write a play for you to be in, and Migg says...
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Tom, there is no Migg.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44What?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Look around you. There's nobody else here.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- Where are his things? - I threw them out.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Tom. Migg doesn't exist. It's just you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57You've invented him to cope with what's been happening.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58No, I haven't.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Where is he then? Show him to me.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06He's in the bathroom.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Migg.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Migg.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29See, Tom, you've been depressed for a long, long time.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33You just wanted to give yourself an excuse to leave your job,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36start drinking, drop out of this life you hated.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- I don't... - You're not Charles Bukowski.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45You're just a primary school teacher who had a nervous breakdown.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49I've got to go. I've got to put my hair in a bun for D-Day Doris.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- I thought it was Lucy Land Girl. - We changed it back.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59We'll get through this, Tom. You just have to be strong.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- But Migg...- No.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Get this Migg out of your head once and for all.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Love you.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Everything all right, Tom?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31And instead of saying bombs, barrage, balloons and black-outs,
0:26:31 > 0:26:37I came out with bombs, black-out balloons and barrages.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40I don't know where it came from. Tim just looked at me.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I could tell he was gonna go.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Well, this is a transformation. You look like a new man.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Well, I've got you to thank for that.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I don't know what I'd do without you.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58DOOR BUZZER RINGS
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Who's that?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Hello.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06'Hi, it's Stevie.'
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Come up.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Stevie.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Hello, stranger.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I'm on a Costa run for my builders so I thought I'd just scooch around.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- You're looking well.- Yeah, well. Feel a lot better, thanks.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21That Worzel Gummidge look was doing you no favours.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Now we are all missing you still.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25They've got that awful supply teacher in.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27You know, the one who can't say her S's.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Thwit up thwaight.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31That's the one. We're hoping you might reconsider.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I just...I need a bit more time.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I know you've been through a lot.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38I'm being nosey, but it might do you good to get back to work.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Well, that's what Gerri's been telling me.- Ah.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Come through anyway. I'll tell her you're here. Gerri.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Gerri! Where's she gone?
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Stevie's here.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Tom...
0:27:52 > 0:27:53She was just here.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Gerri died, Tom. Remember? In the car accident.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04No, no, but I was only just talking to her a second ago.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07We all said you came back to work too soon.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12I know you loved her very much, but it's time to let her go, Tom.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18She saved me. She saved me from Migg.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20I'll get your tablet.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Tom!
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Oh, my God.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34What have you done?
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Oh, that's just Migg. He's not real.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Come and have a coffee.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Gerri's just putting the kettle on.