0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:10 > 0:00:14MAN: This and what needful else that calls upon us.
0:00:14 > 0:00:21By the grace of grace we will perform in measure, time and place.
0:00:22 > 0:00:27So, thanks to all at once, and to each one.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Whom we invite to see us crowned at Scone.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38APPLAUSE
0:00:39 > 0:00:41I'll bring that book in for you.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Yeah!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Arsehole.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48That bloody speech gets longer and longer every night, yet I'm
0:00:48 > 0:00:51lying there with that belt buckle sticking in me
0:00:51 > 0:00:52and he's just droning on.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I mean, I'm dead, the play's over, isn't it?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Who gives a toss about Malcolm? Ow!- Sorry.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I'll take them back to wardrobe to get them stretched out for you.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02That would be good, because I did ask
0:01:02 > 0:01:04for that three weeks ago, didn't I?
0:01:04 > 0:01:05- Sorry, Tony.- You see?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07That's four minutes added on to the second half
0:01:07 > 0:01:10just cos the casting director of the Donmar's in.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- INTERCOM:- 'Visitors at stage door for Mr Horner. Thank you.'
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Shit! What are people like? I've just done three hours of Shakespeare,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20now I've got to give another performance in here.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Do you want me to get them? - Yeah, I suppose so.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24But after five minutes, remind me
0:01:24 > 0:01:26- I've got something on tomorrow morning.- What?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I don't know, voice-over or something. Use your imagination.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- Just don't want to get stuck with them.- OK.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Phwoar.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36KNOCK ON DOOR
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Hi, Kirstie.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- Hey, Tony!- Hi, Jim.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- Well done for tonight. Good audience, I thought.- Were they?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48There was a lot of reading of programmes from what I could see.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52"Oh, look, Malcolm was in Doc Martin." So what?!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Look up, people, this is theatre, it's happening now, in front of you!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57They seemed to really enjoy it.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00It's Shakespeare, Jim, they're not meant to enjoy it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05So, how are you getting along with the lines?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Good. It's really useful watching you every night.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Helps it all sink in. We've actually got an understudy run
0:02:10 > 0:02:11on Friday, if you wanted to come.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I'd love to, but I'm pretty sure I've got a voice-over on Friday.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20- What time is it?- Two o'clock.- Yep, that's when it is. Exactly then.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Damn!- Well, not to worry.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Who have you got coming round? Is it the woman from the Donmar?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29No, they won't see me for the Donmar.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Not their type of actor, apparently. No, this is my neighbours,
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Bill and Jean. I don't know why they've come, to be honest.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I've got absolutely nothing to say to either one of the...
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Bill! Jean! Ah-ha-ha! Lovely to see you!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Thanks so much for coming.- No, no, no, we enjoyed it, didn't we, Jean?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Oh, yes. "When shall we three meet again?"
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I still don't know how you learn all those lines!
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Oh, well, it's just my job.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I probably couldn't do what you do.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- What do you do?- Oh, hospital porter.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Well, there you go, you see.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06There was a porter in this, wasn't there?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I said to Bill, "That should be you!"
0:03:10 > 0:03:12FORCED GUFFAW
0:03:14 > 0:03:16LAUGHTER TAPERS OFF AWKWARDLY
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- So, you enjoyed it then? - BOTH: Oh, yes!
0:03:23 > 0:03:27The sets and the lighting make it, don't they?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29They give it the atmosphere.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Yes. Nothing to do with the boring old actors, is it?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Oh, no, I'm not saying that! Oh, we liked Malcolm.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Oh, yes.- And you'd seen him in that programme, what was it?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40BILL AND TONY: Doc Martin.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42That's it. He likes it for the Cornwall.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Yeah, he played a fisherman in that.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You'd never believe he was the same person, would you?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49No, no, he's, uh, a very clever chap.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52And he has lovely diction, doesn't he?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I could have listened to him for hours.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Yes, well, I do, every night.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03So, Kirstie, is there, um...?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Oh, sorry, yes, would you like a drink?
0:04:07 > 0:04:11No, no, no. She forgets I'm four years on the wagon.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Really?- Yes, haven't touched a drop and feel much better for it.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18No, I wondered if there was anything, um...
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Oh, yes, sorry. Remember, you've got a voice-over tomorrow morning.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh... Have I?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I think so. Yes. For tam...pons.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Tampons?
0:04:34 > 0:04:39- Well, in that case... - Actually, you said that was Friday.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Did I?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Yesss... Can't remember now.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Well, we are taking you out for dinner!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Oh, no, you're not. - Oh, yes, we are!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55We booked a table at Papa Del's. Come on, Jean, grab his coat.
0:04:55 > 0:05:00- JOKEY VOICE: No, I don't want to go! - Tony! Your phone.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Seriously, Bill...
0:05:27 > 0:05:29THUNDERCLAP
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And pity, like a naked newborn babe, striding the blast,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43or heaven's cherubim, horsed upon the sightless couriers
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- of the air, shall blow the horrible deed...- No.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- Terrible deed.- No.- Awful.- No.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Dreadful.- No.- Evil. Nasty. Crap. Shitty.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- No! It's horrid.- I said "horrid"!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- No, you said "horrible". - Oh, come on, that's close enough.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Yes, close enough if you want to be an understudy all your life.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Don't start.- Sitting in the dressing room doing Sudokus
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- while TONY gets all the glory. - But it's the job,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- there's nothing I can do about that, is there?- Yes, there is.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07We're about to do a run-through in front of the director -
0:06:07 > 0:06:09make an impression.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I'm sorry, I don't do impressions.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Now, come on. Shall blow the HORRID deed.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17The horrid deed in every eye, that tears shall drown the wind.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I have no spur to prick the sides of my intent,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22but only vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps...
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Excuse me, what the fudge are you doing in Tony's dressing room?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- That is a sackable offence. - Hi, Felice,
0:06:28 > 0:06:30we're just... Kirstie said it would be all right.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Oh, you take your orders from the dresser now,
0:06:33 > 0:06:34not the company manager?!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36We don't take orders from anyone, we're not in the SS.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Speak for yourself, sweetheart.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I'll allow it on this occasion, as it's good for you to get to know
0:06:42 > 0:06:46the routine should you ever need to go on for Tony - which you won't.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Your understudy run starts in T-minus 15 minutes.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57We will be doing it all as is, except no blood, no swords, no fog.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- No swords?- No. Fight director's been hospitalised.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Apparently Derek Jacobi caught him in the goolies with a nunchuk.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I don't remember that in the Merry Wives of Windsor, but there you go.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08We're not using the walking sticks, are we?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11It's just an understudy, Jim, it really doesn't matter.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- Are those shop-bought lattes?- Yes. Sorry, I would have got you one...
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Did you sign yourself out and back in?
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- No, I was only gone two minutes. - Go and do so, please. Stage door.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29You can't be serious?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Fire is serious, Laura, that's why we have procedures. Jim.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Uh, yes, I'm sorry.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49LIGHTS HUM
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Your, er, Lady Macbeth frock is being pressed.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03But, erm, be good if you could just pop your jeans and top off now.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- What?!- Just...save time. - I'm not doing that.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Oh, well, can't blame a girl for trying.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18- Ah, there, I'm officially back. - Right, thank you, Jim.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Warm-up in five and we will aim to start the run at half past.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, and, uh, do try and talk quickly, if you don't mind(?)
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Some of us have got to do it for real tonight.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- SHE SIGHS - Can't fucking stand her!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Why is it all company managers hate actors?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38In the job description.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42"Wanted - sneery, wine-guzzling lesbian to work backstage.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45"Must have own black sweatshirt and no sense of humour."
0:08:47 > 0:08:48God...
0:08:48 > 0:08:51I could do a sandwich round and get paid more.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Well, we don't do it for the money, do we? We do it because we love it.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56We DO do it for the money.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- We're getting married in six months. - I know.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It's expensive, isn't it? Shall we just not bother?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Jim!- I'm joking. I'm joking.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Sorry.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Just need to hang this up.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- Kirstie, do you know how much Tony gets paid?- You can't ask that!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- I don't know, he never opens his payslips.- Really?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Yeah, just throws them in the bin.
0:09:21 > 0:09:27- Oh, well, in that case...- What are you doing?- I want to know.- Laura!
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Jesus!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Well, he's the lead, isn't he? I'll get there.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- How much more do you get if you go on for him?- Well, not that.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41At least double that. He won't go off though.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- He's never been off, has he, Kirst?- No.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Well, maybe you should leave the soap on the floor outside
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- the shower - that would do it. - Don't be mean!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Don't you for once want to go on as the real thing,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53in front of a real audience? Ow!
0:09:53 > 0:09:57- What is it?- There's a pin in this, Kirstie! Shit!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oh, sorry, it just needs stitching, I'll get you a plaster.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08- Clumsy bitch. That could have hurt someone.- Let's have a look.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Oh, dear.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12By the pricking of my thumbs...
0:10:12 > 0:10:15BOTH: ..something wicked this way comes.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Mm.- Stop it, vampire!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Make thick my blood.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
0:10:24 > 0:10:29that no compunctious visitings of nature shake my fell purpose.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- FELICITY OVER INTERCOM:- 'Ladies and gentlemen of the Macbeth company -
0:10:33 > 0:10:35'that's the understudy company, not the actual one -
0:10:35 > 0:10:38'can you make your way to the stage, please, for the warm-up?'
0:10:38 > 0:10:43- She's only doing that to wind me up. - Ignore her. Good luck.- Stop it!
0:10:43 > 0:10:45You don't want to tempt fate.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Come on, they've started already.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55DEATHLY VOICES CHANT
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Jim!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- ON STAGE:- Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell...
0:11:21 > 0:11:27Boring! Why don't you fuck off back to Cornwall and do more Doc Martins?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29You hateful little prick!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- Honestly, I have never in my life witnessed... Is this me?- Yes.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I have never in my life witnessed such a
0:11:35 > 0:11:39SELFISH performance on stage, and you know the most annoying thing?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43It works. This tedious little queen...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Get me my juice. ..has just been offered
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Uncle Vanya at the Donmar Warehouse.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Vanya! That's my part!
0:11:53 > 0:11:59I was born to be Vanya, and they gave the part to him. Fucking arseholes!
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Which, by the way, Kirstie, is how he got the job in the first place.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- What in God's name is going on? - I don't know.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I've just had to issue eight refunds because Macbeth vomited on stage
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- and said, "Is this a dildo I see before me?"- He's not well.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18- He's pissed! Give me that bottle, Tony.- Juice.- Give it to me.- JUICE!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- Oh. Jesus Christ. It's two-thirds vodka.- So what?
0:12:26 > 0:12:30So when Banquo came on you said, "Fuck me, there's a ghost!"
0:12:30 > 0:12:31I thought he was on the wagon.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Felicity, Felicity, get the director down here now.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I want to make some changes.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Oh, we will be making some changes all right. Go and get Jim.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40SHE SIGHS
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- Right, Tony.- Hmm? - How many fingers have I got up?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- Don't talk to me like that, I'm not your girlfriend.- I'm serious.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- Three. - What's your first line in act five?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Bring me no more reports, let them fly all!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Till Birnam Wood remove to Dunsinane,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- I cannot taint with fear! - All right, OK.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Just going to pop you in the shower, Tony, OK?- Ah, saucy.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- Are you coming in?- No, I'm not.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I bet you've got a nice little pair of titties under that
0:13:13 > 0:13:15big black top, haven't you?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18You've got five minutes.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- I could cure you, you know. - Bloody turns.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- What's going on, Felice?- Do you know the lines?- I think so.- Are you sure?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34You dried it in the understudy run last week.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Well, that was just nerves,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38there were people watching from the Lion King,
0:13:38 > 0:13:39didn't expect to see Pumba in full make-up.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Look, I don't like doing this, but if he doesn't sober up in the next
0:13:42 > 0:13:45four minutes, I'm going to have to send you on to finish the show.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Shit.- I need to know if you're ready, Jim.- I, uh...- Well?
0:13:48 > 0:13:49He's ready.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53BREATHLESS: Get the costume on, Jim, we'll do the lines. You can do this.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55It's what we've been waiting for.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I'll make that call, thank you, Laura. Stay where you are, please.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59I'll just hang this up.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Right, Kirstie, get Tony out of the shower.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I'll be back in two minutes to make a decision.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07- Can I go in now?- Yeah.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Oh, God, I can't do it. - Of course you can!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13But it's all the fights. We weren't allowed to practise them.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16But the other actors will help you. You'll get through on adrenaline.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20This is your chance. All you have to do...
0:14:24 > 0:14:25..is take it.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Right, I'm ready. Let's do this. - Are you sure you're all right?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Of course I'm all right, get me my juice!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Tony. You don't have to do this.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Actors are allowed to be ill.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49David Suchet, he missed the last act of
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with chronic diarrhoea.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Yes, but he still made the curtain call.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Shame he was in a white suit though.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57If he's feeling better, then he should do it.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59It will make more sense for the audience.
0:14:59 > 0:15:05Exactly! Before my body I throw my warlike shield.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Lay on, Macduff!
0:15:06 > 0:15:10And damned be him that first cries "Hold, enough!"
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- ON STAGE:- Good and loyal, destroying them...
0:15:15 > 0:15:18That was it, Jim. That was your chance.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Well, it's not my fault. He said he's all right.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- He's drunk a full bottle of vodka! - How do you know?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Look at the state of him!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I try and help you, Jim.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32But you just don't want it enough.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- I'm only the understudy. I'm there if they want me.- What?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Stuck in the corner of the room like a television on standby?!
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Yes. I'm sorry, Laura, I can't...
0:15:48 > 0:15:49I can't change who I am.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09TONY ON STAGE: 'Out, out, brief candle.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11'Life's but a walking shadow... '
0:16:11 > 0:16:14WATER DRIPS ONTO SHOWER FLOOR
0:16:14 > 0:16:19TONY: 'A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
0:16:19 > 0:16:20'and then is heard no more.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27'It is a tale.
0:16:27 > 0:16:35'Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying...
0:16:36 > 0:16:38'..nothing.'
0:16:39 > 0:16:41BANGING AND CLINKING OF GLASS
0:16:41 > 0:16:43TONY GROANS IN PAIN
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- INTERCOM:- 'Medic to the stage, please. Medic to the stage.'
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- FELICITY:- 'Tony, Tony, are you all right?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55'Argh!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57'Try not to move, Tony.'
0:16:57 > 0:17:01INDISTINCT VOICES FROM STAGE
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- That's fine, isn't it? - Mm, I think so.- Great.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Do you need anything else? - No, I'm all right, I think.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Oh, nearly forgot.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- I got you this.- Oh, Kirstie.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- It's nothing. - Oh, really kind. You shouldn't have.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Knock, knock.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- Right, I'll leave you to it.- Thanks.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Actually, Kirstie, could you get me
0:17:41 > 0:17:44one of those juice drinks that you used to do for Tony?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47And I can't find my boots. Are they...?
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Oh, sorry, I'll get them.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57How are you doing? I feel like I haven't seen you.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Oh, well, I've been rehearsing, haven't I?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Finally got to get through the fights.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04With a sword this time, rather than a roll of wrapping paper.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Are you nervous?
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Ugh...no.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I just popped down to say... break a leg.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Huh! That's a bit near the bone under the circumstances.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I know. How is he?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Still in hospital. They're doing tests on his spine.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Poor Tony.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Still, that's what happens if you get pissed on the battlements.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Mm. Could have been worse, but he fell on a gargoyle.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Felicity wasn't on stage, was she?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36It's not funny, Laura.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44It's weird. Now she's gone, I quite miss her.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I thought you hated her.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Yeah, but... still feel sorry for her.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51She just made the wrong call, that's all.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52She should have sent you on.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55You shouldn't have said she was sexually harassing you though.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58I never said that. I don't know where that's come from.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Well, that's why she was sacked.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Anyway, I've booked a table at Papa Del's after the show.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09My sister's in, so we can...
0:19:09 > 0:19:13I'd love to, but I'm already going out with the cast.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Taking me to Jo Allen's. I could hardly say no, could I?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Well, we'll come with you.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22- Your sister?- Yeah.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25At Jo Allen's?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Why not?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30It's always very awkward mixing actors and civilians.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32You know what they're like, they're even funny
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- about including the understudies. - I'm an understudy.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37I know you are.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40INTERCOM: 'Ladies and gentlemen of the Macbeth company,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43'this is your half-hour call. 30 minutes please.'
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Look, let me get through tonight and then we'll talk about it after, OK?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- You'll be fantastic. - I won't if I don't concentrate.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Sorry, Laura, I just need to get my head together.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Are you asking me to go?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I am really. Yes. I need to prepare.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07All right.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I'll see you later then.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16- Laura.- Yeah?
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Thanks.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22What for?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24HE SIGHS
0:20:24 > 0:20:25This.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52GHOSTLY VOICES WHISPER
0:21:09 > 0:21:14Do we know who's playing the girl? Oh, God.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oh, by the way, did I tell you I've got my old dressing room
0:21:16 > 0:21:19back for Dick the Shit? Yeah!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22No, it's all been done up.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Yeah, was that anything to do with me?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Come on, I bet it was. Ha, all right.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I'll speak to you later. OK, bye, Maurie.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- Sorry about that.- Not at all.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Now, do you remember the conversation we had
0:21:36 > 0:21:38about a meet and greet with the lovely disabled people?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41That's not now, is it? Why can't they do it after the show?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43You know I don't like people in during the half!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46They won't have time after the show. It's not a problem.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49I'll tell them you're not available and that's just the way it is.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's all right, Nick. Send them in, but five minutes, yeah?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53And then tell them I've got to do something.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57You're a gentleman, sir. And thanks so much for signing these.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58The understudies will be delighted.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Ahem, hem...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Now is the winter...
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Ahem! Now!
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Now is the winter of our discontent...
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Made glorious summer by this sun of York.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Played him in Stratford, '82. Michele Dotrice was my Lady Anne.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28How are you, Jim?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- Tony! - Ha-ha! Good to see you, mate.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33What are you doing here?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I've come to see you, haven't I? Quick trip.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38We get free tickets, don't you know?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Oh, so nice to see you. How long's it been?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44It's been 19 months and 3 weeks.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48And how's things with you? I've heard nothing but raves.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Oh, well, I learnt it all from the master, didn't I?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Look, I've even got my juice drink.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Yes, I, eh, I don't touch that stuff any more.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Still, every cloud has a silver lining. You've been busy.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- I've, well, been nonstop. Obviously we took Mackers to Broadway.- Yeah.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- And I was straight back to Ireland for Game of Thrones.- Yeah.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10But what about you? I heard you're doing talking books?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13That's right. I'm giving Jarvis a run for his money.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17I've just finished Everything You Need To Know About The EU.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Fascinating stuff. You think you know the half of it, but...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Yeah, sounds, sounds good.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28They've done this room up nice.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Yes, yes, my agent, I think. Embarrassing really.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Well, my agent gave me this blanket. Small cheques.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- THEY LAUGH - Good.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45So good to see you.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50How's that lovely girlfriend of yours?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Have you done the decent thing yet? - You mean Suzie?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56No, pretty one. Understudied Lady M.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58You were engaged, weren't you?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Oh, Laura! No, no, we're not together any more.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02No, I don't know what she's up to these days.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Ah, shame.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06She was a sweet girl.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Mm.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Anyway, look, I don't want to chuck you out
0:24:11 > 0:24:13but I've got to get MY callipers on, so...
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Oh, yes, of course. Looking forward to it.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Well, you're doing something right, anyway. Keep at it.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24You're having the career for both of us now.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Thanks.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30OK, WAGON'S ROLL!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32DOOR OPENS
0:24:32 > 0:24:34All done?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Thank you very much.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I'll get the lift for you. If you walk this way.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41So to speak.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- Kirstie?- Hello, Jim.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- It is you. - Surprised you remember me.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Of course I remember you. So, what, you're looking after Tony now?
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Yeah, I'm his full-time carer.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Well it's lovely to see you. Hope you enjoy the show.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Oh, I've already seen it.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Really?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00I've seen everything you've done since we worked together.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Sometimes I come three or four times a week just to see
0:25:03 > 0:25:05the little changes in your performance.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Oh. Gosh.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I always knew you'd go far.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Just needed a little push.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Sorry, what do you mean?
0:25:13 > 0:25:14This room looks better now.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18More fitting for a star like you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22She made a real mess of it.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Who did? - Laura, when she killed herself.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28What?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Sorry, didn't you know? She slit her wrists in the shower.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Had the blood everywhere apparently. Right through to the floorboards.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Laura's died...?
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Mm, I'm surprised you didn't know. I mean, why would you?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41You've been away.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I guess I was a recurring character in Game of Thrones.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Which you were brilliant in, by the way.- Thank you.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- INTERCOM:- 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Act I beginners' call.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51'Act I beginners to the stage, please.'
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Better put that on.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I'll do that for you.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Just like old times.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Sorry. Shouldn't have said anything.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07They obviously didn't want you to know.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I hope it doesn't affect your performance.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12No, it's OK. It's just a bit of a shock.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- I think I know why she did it, actually.- Why?
0:26:15 > 0:26:20Laura was responsible for Tony's accident.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22She obviously couldn't live with the guilt.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25That wasn't Laura.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It was me.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28I spiked Tony's drink that day.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31It was pure alcohol. I took it from the wig store.
0:26:31 > 0:26:32SINISTER SCORE
0:26:32 > 0:26:34What?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35And I got rid of Felicity for you.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40She never would have put you on.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42She couldn't see what I could see.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I said "she cupped my breast in the Wendy House backstage".
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Instant dismissal.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Why would you say that?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55For you, Jim. For your career.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01I've seen it happen too many times. Genuine talent not being recognised.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Looking after Tony is the price I pay for what I did.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Just as Laura's death is the price you pay.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08That was nothing to do with me.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I know it wasn't.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Your career HAD to come first.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14You told her that.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Look, Jim...
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I took it from Laura.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I think she wanted me to have it.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29I'm waiting in the wings.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Like an understudy.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Have a good show.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44I'll be watching.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54DRAMATIC SCORE
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Knock, knock.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Are you all set to "smile and smile and be a villain"?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Yes...
0:28:14 > 0:28:15Sorry.