0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language and contains scenes
0:00:04 > 0:00:07which some viewers may find disturbing.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09THUNDERCLAP
0:00:16 > 0:00:18THUNDERCLAP
0:00:22 > 0:00:24THUNDERCLAP
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Whaa! Argh!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11What's going on? Who are you?
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Oh, for God's sake, you scared the living crap out of me then! Jesus!
0:01:15 > 0:01:19- Are you all right?- Oh, I just need to sit down for a second.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Oh, shit! Oh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25That's all right. Oh, you haven't got a towel, have you?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Um...yes.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32Thanks. It's wetter than a nun's cucumber out there tonight.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Thanks. Can you, um...can you put the gun down, please?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Of course. It's not loaded,
0:01:38 > 0:01:41it was just a prop from a student production of The Seagull.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Can I ask what you're doing in my rooms?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I presume you didn't break in for a towel.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Well, I-I didn't break in. Well, not technically.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53My boyfriend told me all professors keep a key above their glory hole,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55so I sort of just let myself in.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58It was a stupid thing to do. I'm...I'm so sorry.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00And you are?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Nina. Nina...Noonah.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Nina Noonah.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Well, not really, obviously, but I don't want to get in any trouble.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12You're...you're not going to call the police, are you?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15It's all right, Miss Noonah, my bark is worse than my bite.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Just tell me why you're here.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21It's just Simon, my boyfriend, he studies at King's College
0:02:21 > 0:02:23and he's properly clever.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28He's got a bike and scarf and all the Harry Potter shit.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30And he's sort of obsessed with doing the crossword.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32And I don't mean the quick ones you get
0:02:32 > 0:02:34with a picture of Vanessa Feltz in the middle in Chat magazine,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I mean, the cryptic.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I see.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40And I try to help him sometimes
0:02:40 > 0:02:42and I-I look at the clues and I feel like such a div
0:02:42 > 0:02:44because I can't make head nor tail of them.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46They may as well be written in Chinese!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49In Mandarin, yes. And you're a student also?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Oh, God, no! No. I, er...I work at Greggs.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I'm what you call, um...emotionally intelligent.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Ah. Well, sadly, that won't help you with the cryptic.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Sorry.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Yeah, tell me about it.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Anyway, Simon reckons you're the Sphinx, or something.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Do you write the crossword in the student paper?- That's correct.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Crossword-setters traditionally use a pseudonym, a made-up name.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- What, like Nina Noonah?- Yes.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18And I am know as the Sphinx.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20THUNDERCLAP
0:03:20 > 0:03:23It's not exactly a secret, especially here on campus.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Anyway, I just thought that if I could maybe see the answers to this week's crossword,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29then I could sit with Simon and be, like,
0:03:29 > 0:03:33"Ooh, 18-down, do you think that's Parachute?"
0:03:33 > 0:03:37And he'd be like, "Yeah. "Wow, you're so clever, and..."
0:03:37 > 0:03:39It was only meant to be a joke. I'm really sorry.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42No, no, no, I quite understand.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44We all crave approbation on some level.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Tell me, what does your boyfriend study, Miss Noonah?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- Architecture.- Architecture?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Well, I teach.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Yeah, I know. I didn't think you were a student.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Simon says you teach Classics.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Is that, like, Gone With The Wind and Pretty Woman and that?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I teach wild creature without hospital building.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- Sorry, what?- I teach...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12wild creature...
0:04:12 > 0:04:15without hospital building.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- 12 letters.- Oh! It's a clue!
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Yes. Not a very good one, I admit, since you put me on the spot.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30So...a cryptic clue always offers up two means of solution.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32The beginning or the end of the sentence
0:04:32 > 0:04:34gives you the definition of the word.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Much as you might get in a standard vanilla crossword.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40And the rest of the clue is the wordplay, if you like,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- which is a kind of riddle. - Like on Catchphrase?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Er...yes, in a manner of speaking.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50So, here we have a 12-letter word, meaning "I teach", or "building".
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Now, here we have the word "wild",
0:04:52 > 0:04:56which is what we refer to as an anagram-indicator.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58It suggests the letters can be jumbled up and rearranged.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02So anything such as "upset", "excited", "insane".
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Mashed up!- Yes, if you like.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Wankered!- That type of thing.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09It's telling us to mix up the letters.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12So if we take the words "I teach" and "creature"
0:05:12 > 0:05:17and make them "wild", we might come up with a solution.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18OK, but that's too many letters.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Yes, very good. We're two letters over.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So we look here, "without hospital".
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Now, in terms of letters, what could "hospital" be?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- H?- Yeah, but we need two letters, remember.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35If you were to have an accident, if I'd shot you here in the dark...
0:05:35 > 0:05:36What, with an empty gun? Good luck.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40But if I had, you'd head straight for which department?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- A&E?- Excellent!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44So if we remove "A" and "E" from "creature"
0:05:44 > 0:05:47ie "creature without hospital",
0:05:47 > 0:05:51and mix it up with "I teach", then we get an anagram of 12 letters
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- meaning "building", which is...? - Sorry, what?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Architecture! - THUNDERCLAP
0:05:58 > 0:06:00See? Not so hard, was it?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Is that in this week's crossword, then?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05No, no, no, no. I haven't parsed it properly.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I buried the anagram-indicator in the fodder, but, er...
0:06:08 > 0:06:09it was simply an illustration.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12What, in Pictionary, you can draw it?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14No.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15No, I was...
0:06:16 > 0:06:17I was just showing off.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Trying to give you some insight.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I'm sorry.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26OK, then, Professor.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Sorry I woke you.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30It's Nigel.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Nina.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Huh!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37(Bye.)
0:06:41 > 0:06:44If you like, I can show you the clues to tomorrow's crossword,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46see if any of them make sense.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- You'd teach me?- Yes.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I teach wild creature?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55It's not quite Pygmalion, but, er...I can give you some pointers.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Here.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Have a look.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03The answers all go in this grid.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Have a look at one-across and I'll make us some tea.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16"To wound and wander destitute. (4, 3, 3.)"
0:07:16 > 0:07:18So, is this another nanagram?
0:07:18 > 0:07:23Mm, possibly. Look for a verb or an adjective that suggests movement.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24- Wander?- Bingo!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37So, how many of these have you done?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Crosswords? Four or five hundred.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Wow! You must have a very devious mind.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45It has been said.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48The Sphinx is a mythical creature of Greek legend.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52A woman's head on a lion's body.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56She guarded the gates of the ancient city of Thebes.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Any traveller wishing to pass through had first to solve her riddle.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01If they failed the test, she would kill them
0:08:01 > 0:08:06by means of asphyxiation and then...eat the remains.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08THUNDERCLAP
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- No pressure, then(!) - KETTLE WHISTLES
0:08:10 > 0:08:12She was devious and deadly.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Perfect for a cryptic crossword-setter.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- "Down-and-out, meaning destitute." - Excellent!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21By Jove, she's got it!
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Well, put it up on the grid.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26THUNDERCLAP
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Is that what all the cups are for?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Sorry?- In the cabinet.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Ah, yes. The Cambridge Cruciverbalist Club, the CCC.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Much like the KKK, only slightly less benevolent.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Oh. Is this...is this your wife?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Monica, yes.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Does she do the crossword?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49She did. She died last year.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Oh. Sorry. Did you have kids?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54No, no.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Well, you've certainly won a lot.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03It's not exactly the boat race, though, is it?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06How do you mean?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Well, you can't beat someone at a crossword, can you?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13I don't know, competitive solving can be quite combative, believe me.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Blood has been spilt.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Metaphorically, of course.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20What's black and white and red all over?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22The Cambridge crossword competition.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Or a nun chewing a razorblade.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Or a penguin with sunburn.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Oh, I've got one, but it's quite rude, though.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I teach Catullus, dear, I'm hardly a prude.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36What's long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- THEY CHUCKLE - Very good.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- And what's pink and hard in the mornings? The...- A cock?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44..Financial Times' crossword.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Have a look at, um...two-down.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53"This cover sounds like a 50 Cent song."
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Is that, like, a cover version?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56"Sounds like" indicates a homophone.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Do you know what a homophone is?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Is it an app for gays, like Grinder?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04No. It's two words which sound the same,
0:10:04 > 0:10:06but which are spelt differently, like "their" and "there".
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Where?- Think of a four-letter word meaning "to cover",
0:10:10 > 0:10:14which sounds like a type of song. Beginning with W?
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- Wrap!- Correct! That's two in two minutes!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22You'll be challenging for the Cup before long.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26And, of course, one-down,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28"Indian national product of French-Italian agreement",
0:10:28 > 0:10:30is simply "of" in French,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33followed by an Italian form of agreement,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36making "Desi" a person from India.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Why do you use such difficult words?
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Every word is chosen for its letters, Nina.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46For example, have a look at 18-across.
0:10:49 > 0:10:5318-across. "Tory leader on board for English flower."
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- So that's a five-letter word for Tory leader.- Or...?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01English flower? Er...poppy!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- No.- Daisy?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Don't guess, Nina, dear. Deduct!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10And don't take anything for granted.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Now...what could "Tory leader" be?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Boris?- No. Look at the word!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- T.- That's right!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29The leader of Tory is T.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32So put T on to a four-letter word for "board"...
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Er...plank!- Four letters. - Er...wood. T-wood!
0:11:36 > 0:11:39A board has more than one meaning, remember.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Fed up?- No.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Cardboard? Snowboard? - What kind of board do you pay?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45The exam board!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49No. Rent! You pay to board somewhere.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51So put Tory leader "T" onto "rent", it gives you...
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Trent! But that...that's not a flower.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Ah. Who said it was a flower? - You did!
0:11:58 > 0:11:59No, you said flower.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03What I actually wrote was "flow-er".
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Something that flows.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09In this instance, an English river called the Trent.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Oh, my God, that is... That's so clever!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Hm!- I knew you were devious!- Mm!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- It's very satisfying, isn't it? - It is.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30So, um...your boyfriend is reading Architecture at King's, is that correct?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Yeah.- Is he studying under Pugh or Fairbrother?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Er...the first one.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38And how's he getting on with old Pugh?
0:12:38 > 0:12:39He likes him.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Gladys Pugh.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43He likes her.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45You do realise that Pugh and Fairbrother
0:12:45 > 0:12:48are characters from the comedy series Hi-de-Hi?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I've, er...I've not seen it.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Well, lucky you.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59So, Simon, if that's his real name, isn't a student at all.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01He's a muggle, just like you.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06(Why did you lie?)
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Because I didn't think you'd take me seriously otherwise.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Hm. Does he work in Greggs also?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Don't patronise me, Professor, I...I only want to learn.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Of course.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Nine-across!
0:13:22 > 0:13:27"Degas evacuated and bathed before putting big picture in bog."
0:13:27 > 0:13:31- Oh, for fuck's sake! - Patience, Nina, dear.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Now, "Degas evacuated".
0:13:32 > 0:13:34If you evacuate something, you clear it out.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39So we remove the middle letters to leave "DS". With me?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40"Bathed" is another word for "swam",
0:13:40 > 0:13:46so "bathed before" means we put "swam" in front of "DS".
0:13:46 > 0:13:48And "putting big picture in".
0:13:48 > 0:13:51We need to insert another word for a big picture, a grand scheme, a...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- Plan.- Plan! Precisely!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57So we put "plan" between "swam" and "DS"
0:13:57 > 0:14:00to make "swamplands", meaning "bog"! Yes?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01- Er...- Yes? - Well, shouldn't it be "bogs"?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Not necessarily. - You said it has to be precise.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Yes, it is precise. Not a word wasted.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Otherwise you'd be cheating, wouldn't you?- I never cheat. Never!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12HE COUGHS
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Oh.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Have...have something to drink.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Let's, er...let's have a bash at three-down, shall we?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26That should be easy.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29"A disturbed setter concealed a tiny amount.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32"Why, it's enough to take one's breath away."
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Hm. Well, the crossword-setter is you,
0:14:36 > 0:14:41so, have you concealed a tiny amount, Mr Sphinx? Maybe.
0:14:41 > 0:14:49So it's "A", followed by an anagram of "Sphinx"
0:14:49 > 0:14:53and "tiny amount" is "iota",
0:14:53 > 0:14:56which is also the ninth letter of the Greek alphabet,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59which I'm sure you know, Professor Squires.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03And "why" is a homophone of the letter "Y".
0:15:03 > 0:15:08Meaning...to take one's breath away.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10THUNDERCLAP
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It's rather prescient, don't you think?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I spotted it as soon as I saw the clues.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Some fairly easy ones this week, I thought.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21A little bit vanilla for the King of the Cambridge Cruciverbalists.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24"Dickens character undertakes to be a cabinet maker."
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Well, that's obviously Sowerberry from Oliver Twist.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30You'll be needing his services before long.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33"Some smart aleck, no wit, allegedly."
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Know-it-all.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40But you don't know it all, do you, Prof?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43You didn't know, for example, that I study Marine Biology.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46And what's the porpoise of that, you might ask?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Well, for one, I could get my hands on some tetrodotoxin
0:15:49 > 0:15:51from the liver of a puffer fish.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Highly toxic, as all the best sushi chefs know.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57And, if consumed in, say, a cup of tea,
0:15:57 > 0:16:01could lead to the gradual paralysis of the internal organs,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03starting with the diaphragm.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Resulting in respiratory failure and death by three-down,
0:16:07 > 0:16:09the asphyxiation of the Sphinx.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Simon was my brother.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19He got to the final of the crossword competition six years ago.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24And he won! He beat you fair and square!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27But you challenged him on a word. Do you remember?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30"Auteur" saying the first U looked more like a V.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32And the committee found in your favour.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34The old boys' network looking after their own.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36And Simon was disqualified.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Do you know what he did?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Do you, you pathetic old man?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47He went to his room and took off his belt and hung himself.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I'm afraid that's incorrect, Miss Noonah.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Pictures can be hung, people are hanged.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55"He hanged himself", is the correct conjugation,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57for which, of course, you have my deepest sympathy.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59What the fuck?! You're supposed to be dead!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02On the contrary. I am very much alive.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04SHE GASPS
0:17:04 > 0:17:06It's you who are dead.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Will you permit me?
0:17:10 > 0:17:1422-down - "What is a frankfurter's number-one bun? Don't start."
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Well, if we don't start "one" or "bun" we get "neun",
0:17:18 > 0:17:21which is a number, if you happen to come from Frankfurt.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26And 23-down - "The origins of a species popularised savage serpents".
0:17:26 > 0:17:29"Origins" telling us to take the first letters of,
0:17:29 > 0:17:33"a species popularised savage", giving us the serpents.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34So?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37So there it is, hiding in plain sight.
0:17:39 > 0:17:46I...swapped...cups.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48THUNDERCLAP
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Very prescient, as you say,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53but the individual's urge for self-preservation is a strong one.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55You bastard!
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Oh, please!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58No unnecessary violence.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01SHE RETCHES
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It's me.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Yes, she is.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Your services will soon be required.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15SHE GASPS FOR BREATH
0:18:15 > 0:18:19That was Dr Tyler, your personal tutor and confidant.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22He's on his way over now with the vaccine.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- He told you?- Yes.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27He...he wouldn't do that.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Well, I'm afraid he felt it was his duty.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31THUNDERCLAP
0:18:31 > 0:18:34A brilliant student midway through a master's degree in Marine Biology,
0:18:34 > 0:18:38but driven by a dark desire for revenge.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42You needed his expertise to extract the poison from the poisson,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and he came straight around to tell me.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48We go back a long way, Tyler and I.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Here! Let me help you.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Why...why don't you call the police?
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Sorry, what was that?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Why...don't you call the police?
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Well, why call the police when we can have a little bit of fun with the crossword?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13It's these kind of challenges that keep one's mind active.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Let's have a crack at five-down.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22"Knocked back beer and wine, then put on one French undergarment."
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Any thoughts? Hm?
0:19:25 > 0:19:30Well, "knocked back" is telling us to write something in reverse.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34In this instance, a type of beer, "pils",
0:19:34 > 0:19:37and a type of wine, "red".
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Then, if we put on "one" in French, which is "un",
0:19:40 > 0:19:44we get our undergarment. See?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47"Un-der-slip."
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Do young women still wear underslips, I wonder?
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I always found it quite sexy, having an extra layer to tackle.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Made the game rather more interesting.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- HE INHALES - Mm!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Now, if you'll excuse me, nature calls.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26THUNDERCLAP
0:20:28 > 0:20:30THUNDERCLAP
0:20:33 > 0:20:35DOOR CREAKS OPEN
0:20:36 > 0:20:39FOOTSTEPS
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Charlotte?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You hang on in there, OK?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Won't be long now.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Ooh! Crossword.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02"I hear American poet solved the riddle of the pseudo-hotel patron."
0:21:02 > 0:21:06The American poet is Edgar Guest. Mr E Guest.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09"A riddle solved" is a mystery guessed
0:21:09 > 0:21:12and a "pseudo-hotel patron" is a...?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Mystery guest. Very clever.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Where have you been? You said you'd be waiting outside.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I had to go via my office to pick up some things.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26A bit bloody dangerous, leaving me alone with a girl in this condition.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30It was all I could do not to slip her one.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Oh, no, I don't think that would be appropriate.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I'm a red-blooded mammal, Tyler,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37not like those bloody molluscs you spend half your time with.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39She's still breathing, I take it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Yes. The body can survive in this state for up to six hours.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47She can still see and feel and hear everything,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49she just...can't move.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's horrible.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Yes. Well, let's not feel too sorry for her,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55that's what she wanted to do to me, remember?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Well, go on, then.- Sorry?
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Give her the antidote.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Oh, there is no antidote.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04THUNDERCLAP
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- What?- For tetrodotoxin poisoning. She needs her stomach pumped.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Some aggressive airway management
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and an intravenous drip as soon as possible,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13otherwise she'll be dead within half an hour.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15But...but you said six hours!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Only with hospital treatment.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Shit! Right, well, let's do it, then.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23No.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26There's something I want you to do first.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- Is that going in this week's Varsity?- What?!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- The crossword.- Yes.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34W-W-W-What's going on? What are you doing?!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I want you to eat her.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Not all of her, of course, just a sliver.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Just enough that you can say you devoured your victim.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Jacob, what...? Have you lost your mind?!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55When the Sphinx posed her riddle to the Thebans,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58she strangled and ate anyone who failed to answer correctly.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01That's right, isn't it? I haven't misremembered it?
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Yes.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04What was the riddle again?
0:23:06 > 0:23:07I won't do this, Jacob.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10"What creature walks on four legs in the morning,
0:23:10 > 0:23:13"two at noon and three in the evening?"
0:23:13 > 0:23:17It's like something out of a Christmas cracker rather than a Greek tragedy, isn't it?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20And it was Oedipus who gave the correct answer - man.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22He crawls as a baby,
0:23:22 > 0:23:24then walks on two legs,
0:23:24 > 0:23:26before needing a stick in his old age.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30A bit like you, Nigel.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36So...do you prefer leg or breast?
0:23:36 > 0:23:37That's it, I'm calling the police.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Oh, and tell them what exactly?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41That you're the victim of a student prank?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44In 25 minutes, you'll have a dead girl in your rooms
0:23:44 > 0:23:45in the middle of the night.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48You found out who she was, she threatened you, so you killed her.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52No! I'll tell them the truth. Er...I'll say it was an accident.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Well, then, how do you explain this?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57You compiled this crossword two days ago.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59It proves premeditation.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04The know-it-all received a mystery guest at number neun
0:24:04 > 0:24:08and before long, there's an asphyxiation.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09What's seven-down?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11"Catch a train before a poisonous bite."
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Well, "catch" usually stands for "fish", I know that much.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17"A train before" could be "puffer".
0:24:17 > 0:24:23So, yeah, "puffer fish".
0:24:25 > 0:24:28You even concealed the murder weapon.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29I knew you wouldn't be able to resist.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32This was just a bit of fun, I was trying to teach the girl!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35You're publishing this in the student paper for everyone to see.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37It's classic psychopathic behaviour.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Tomorrow morning, it'll be in every cubbyhole in Cambridge.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43And on the inside back page is your confession.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47And when a "down-and-out" finds the girl
0:24:47 > 0:24:52"wrapped" in her "underslip" floating in the "swamplands",
0:24:52 > 0:24:55well, the police won't have to look very far for the culprit, will they?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- That isn't what happened! - No, but it could do.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00A little drive out to the Fens, acquaint our brilliant student
0:25:00 > 0:25:03with some of the marine life she loves so much.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06You see, you're not in charge of this situation.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09You can't fit it all neatly into a 15-squared grid.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13This is messy and illogical and out of control.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14This is my revenge, Nigel.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17So sit down whilst I prepare your food!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22But she's your student, for God's sake!
0:25:22 > 0:25:23- SHE WHIMPERS - No!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I think I'll take a bit off the rump.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35THUNDERCLAP
0:25:41 > 0:25:43THUNDERCLAP
0:25:48 > 0:25:49THUNDERCLAP
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Why don't you tell Nina the story?
0:26:05 > 0:26:06I bet she'd like to hear it.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Keep her mind active as her body seizes up.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Jacob and I were...students here almost 30 years ago.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21We roomed together for a while,
0:26:21 > 0:26:25then he met Monica, a physicist from Keeble.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26They were madly in love.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29They were madly in love, they...married,
0:26:29 > 0:26:31they even had two children, twins.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36But Monica and I...we began an affair.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I didn't mean for it to end up the way it did!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I was about to begin my doctorate,
0:26:42 > 0:26:45which probably would have led to a teaching post,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48a room of my own, very much like this one.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51But instead, I divorced my wife,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54took my babies away,
0:26:54 > 0:26:56to bring them up by myself, in the Brecon Beacons.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Here. I haven't seasoned it,
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I didn't want to take away from the...natural flavour.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Jacob, this is...
0:27:10 > 0:27:12..this is preposterous!
0:27:12 > 0:27:17Eat it, or else I let the girl die and you rot in prison.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32It tastes like chicken, apparently.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36But, then, doesn't everything?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47HE GAGS
0:27:52 > 0:27:55And so, the mighty Sphinx
0:27:55 > 0:27:58consumes the flesh of his conquest.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00THUNDERCLAP
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I always hated cryptic crosswords.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Why can't people just say what they mean, rather than trying to trick you all the time?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12It's when my son started getting into them I wasn't happy.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16Became obsessed with entering the stupid Cambridge crossword competition.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Perhaps he thought he could re-earn his mother's love
0:28:21 > 0:28:24by beating her new husband, I don't know.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Simon was your son?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28He entered the competition under a pseudonym.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30You knew him as Rex.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33After Oedipus Rex, the play by Sophocles.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35But you cheated him out of his victory.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37But that means...
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Charlotte and I, we hatched our revenge plan, didn't we?
0:28:41 > 0:28:44We said we would bring down that cheating Professor Squires
0:28:44 > 0:28:46if it was the last thing we did.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48And it may well be.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51At least for her.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53- She's your daughter?- Mm.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57It's crazy, isn't it, what the unhinged mind is capable of?
0:28:57 > 0:29:01But she came here tonight to kill me, to poison me!
0:29:01 > 0:29:02That was the plan.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04So, why did you tell me about it?
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Just so I'd do the crossword?
0:29:08 > 0:29:10Pretty much, yes. I needed leverage.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15You sacrificed your only daughter just to get at me?
0:29:15 > 0:29:19Well, that's the thing, you see.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22When Simon died, there was an autopsy.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Quite a thorough investigation.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26It turns out they're not my kids.
0:29:28 > 0:29:29They're yours.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34I always suspected that affair started before you said it did.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35Oh, God!
0:29:35 > 0:29:37So there I was.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41I'd given up everything.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42My wife...
0:29:44 > 0:29:45..my home, my job.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47My entire life.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49All for a lie.
0:29:49 > 0:29:53So I'm sure you understand, Nigel, why I had to seek my revenge.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Help me get her to a hospital, please!
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Oh, I think we're past that now.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01Just enjoy the time you have left together.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05A little present for you there, Nigel.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09You know what Anton said.
0:30:09 > 0:30:10Never show a gun in Act One
0:30:10 > 0:30:13if you're not going to fire it by Act Five.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Otherwise people feel cheated.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Isn't your middle name Hector, by the way?
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Yes.
0:30:27 > 0:30:28How funny.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43HE SNIFFS
0:30:43 > 0:30:45DOOR CREAKS SHUT
0:30:59 > 0:31:01HE SNIFFS
0:31:06 > 0:31:08GUNSHOT
0:31:08 > 0:31:09THUD