:00:26. > :00:41.Hello! Welcome to Jack Dee's Referendum HelpDesk. With barely 48
:00:42. > :00:45.hours to go before the polling stations open for concern to UK
:00:46. > :00:49.citizens, this Thursday will be a chance to influence the future of
:00:50. > :00:54.our nation. Less concerned citizens, it's a chance to see the inside of
:00:55. > :00:59.their children's primary School, albeit in their pyjamas. On Friday
:01:00. > :01:03.morning, will we be reaching for a baguette or a bacon butty? My
:01:04. > :01:06.helpers and I will answer the audience questions they have not
:01:07. > :01:11.seen before and tackle some of the last minute queries in a bid to help
:01:12. > :01:16.you decide which way to vote. Let's meet my panel, my first guest once
:01:17. > :01:28.appeared in a TV show, Jeremy Hardy Against The Israeli Army. A
:01:29. > :01:41.one-sided episode of the Krypton Factor. And actress that moved
:01:42. > :01:45.around the world before settling in Staines, we will rely on the
:01:46. > :01:49.impeccable judgment of Nina Wadia. A comedian who say she is proud to be
:01:50. > :01:53.Canadian but identifies as a British mother, basically a Canadian who has
:01:54. > :02:08.developed a taste for industrial quantities of pinot grigio. My next
:02:09. > :02:13.guest was nominated for an Edinburgh, the award and didn't win,
:02:14. > :02:19.so obviously not that clever. Please welcome Nish Kumar. Younger voters
:02:20. > :02:26.have been told it is the biggest question of the generation. Trust
:02:27. > :02:31.me, it is nothing my generation grapple for years with who shot JR.
:02:32. > :02:36.Do we leave or remain, or do we introduce somebody else and spice
:02:37. > :02:47.things up in the bedroom? I am going to start straightaway with Mark
:02:48. > :02:53.McDermott, right at the back. I'm from Stoke Newington. My head says
:02:54. > :03:00.to me that we should stay. My heart says go. Which of these should I
:03:01. > :03:08.follow? To be clear, all of the voices in your head are saying...
:03:09. > :03:12.Absolutely, all six! You are in conflict? Yes, the battle between
:03:13. > :03:16.reason and emotion. What emotion makes you think we should leave? I
:03:17. > :03:22.suppose part of me thinks it would be nice to be great again, wouldn't
:03:23. > :03:27.it? Great Britain and all that. I suppose that harks back to Victorian
:03:28. > :03:36.times, the Empire. We haven't got one any more. How old are you? Can I
:03:37. > :03:40.just say, on that basis, I would have to vote to remain. If we are
:03:41. > :03:51.harking back to Victorian times, I'm in a lot of trouble.
:03:52. > :03:58.Jeremy, what are your thoughts? We won't be great if we leave, Scotland
:03:59. > :04:05.will leave. They will be annoyed at England and we will not be the UK.
:04:06. > :04:10.Ukip will just be IP. That would be quite a funny name for a party. But
:04:11. > :04:14.we will be diminished, Scotland will be furious. If I lived in Scotland,
:04:15. > :04:18.I would probably vote for independence, if I lived in America
:04:19. > :04:23.I would probably weigh 40 stone and think the earth was only 4000 years
:04:24. > :04:31.old. A pointless observation, I know. Nina? Being in the EU is being
:04:32. > :04:43.in a relationship. Are you married? Yes. Did you use your heart or your
:04:44. > :04:49.head when he met her? My heart. Any other organs involved? I knew he
:04:50. > :04:53.would bring the tone down! The point being, this is as important as,
:04:54. > :04:58.personally, a marriage. It is a big decision. If you went with your
:04:59. > :05:01.heart on that, do you think, that feeling, if you went with your heart
:05:02. > :05:06.on this particular decision, would you get the same outcome? Would you
:05:07. > :05:10.get a wonderful relationship and marriage or a divorce where you
:05:11. > :05:19.still want good benefits? It boils down to how much you like your wife,
:05:20. > :05:22.really. Katherine? What worries me is that you have said you want to
:05:23. > :05:27.make Britain great, I'm voting with my heart. What we have seen in
:05:28. > :05:31.America with Donald Trump's campaign, Make America Great Again,
:05:32. > :05:36.a lot of voters don't understand his policies but understand how he makes
:05:37. > :05:40.them feel. What he's saying is not making sense, but you hear great,
:05:41. > :05:45.though, I want to be great! You need to make a decision like that with
:05:46. > :05:54.your head, especially if your heart might be racist... I don't know!
:05:55. > :06:00.Maybe your heart is concerned with trading deficit? I don't know. I
:06:01. > :06:04.would disagree with Nina, it is not like a marriage. I'm 32 and I have
:06:05. > :06:08.friends that have been married eight times, you can get in and out of
:06:09. > :06:16.that thing. This is a once in a generation vote. I'll move on and
:06:17. > :06:24.try to find Barbara Halton. What is your question? My dog enjoys
:06:25. > :06:26.swanning around Europe on her holidays, at the moment, the cover
:06:27. > :06:30.on the pet passport has eight European flag. In the event of
:06:31. > :06:36.Brexit, I wondered what might be a good design for the new passport?
:06:37. > :06:40.Why is it her second passport? Chic travels so much she has filled at
:06:41. > :06:59.the first one. Your dog isn't Michael Portillo? She is half
:07:00. > :07:06.Yorkshire terrier. What is her favourite country? Lichtenstein.
:07:07. > :07:13.Really? Is that for tax reasons or... Is your company registered in
:07:14. > :07:19.the dog's name? What would be on the front cover of the passport for your
:07:20. > :07:27.dog if it was not the European flag? Churchill! The Prime Minister or the
:07:28. > :07:35.dog? We need to be 100% clear. They look the same. Is there a picture of
:07:36. > :07:42.your dog in the passport? Yes, would you like to see? Well, I might as
:07:43. > :07:43.well. The depressing thing is that it is probably easier for that dog
:07:44. > :07:57.to get into America than me! I did a horrible thing. When I first
:07:58. > :08:04.came to the UK, I wanted to bring my dog. You do have to go through
:08:05. > :08:09.DEFRA, send away the blood, it costs a fortune. I did it months in
:08:10. > :08:12.advance. Then my dog was so small I did not want it under the plane for
:08:13. > :08:16.eight hours on the way to the UK. They said if it was a service and
:08:17. > :08:20.like to bring it with me in the cabin. It is just in a bag under the
:08:21. > :08:26.seat. I would call that the service animal places and be, like, can you
:08:27. > :08:29.train my dog to be a service animal? They can't legally ask what is wrong
:08:30. > :08:34.with you, that's really offensive. You can't be, like, well, what you
:08:35. > :08:39.got? They would not train my dog because they knew it was a scam. I
:08:40. > :08:53.made him a little vest that said, don't pet me, I'm working. And
:08:54. > :08:58.then... I came to the desk and they were so nice to me. They were, like,
:08:59. > :09:02.a service dog! I was so nervous, I was just... They're really thought I
:09:03. > :09:06.was having some kind of diabetic shock and they let me on the plane
:09:07. > :09:11.with my little dog. I was panicking and then they said, you have to sit
:09:12. > :09:18.in business class because it is our policy and you get two seats. I was,
:09:19. > :09:22.like, please, no. They would come by and they would want to see the dog.
:09:23. > :09:32.They really wanted to ask what I had. They didn't and I made it.
:09:33. > :09:38.I have been living in fear, I am so glad I could talk about that today.
:09:39. > :09:41.I'm glad you were able to share. I am sure I speak for us all when I
:09:42. > :09:53.say we are going to miss you. Barbara, you didn't really get to
:09:54. > :09:58.the bottom, I think it should be a profile picture of Katherine, in
:09:59. > :10:03.honour of that. Thank you, Barbara. I'm going to try to find Peter from
:10:04. > :10:07.Cornwall. What would you like to ask? For me, the referendum is
:10:08. > :10:12.proving some of the people I call friends are coming out of the closet
:10:13. > :10:17.racists. My idea is perhaps if we vote Remaining, we can exchange them
:10:18. > :10:21.for an economic migrant with better culinary skills? This goes to the
:10:22. > :10:24.core of what a lot of people are worried about, immigration and the
:10:25. > :10:28.thought that if you discuss immigration then you could run the
:10:29. > :10:32.risk of being called a racist, that is what you have heard from your
:10:33. > :10:38.friends, stronger than just wanted to have an open discussion about
:10:39. > :10:44.immigration? Absolutely, ridiculous statements labelling entire races or
:10:45. > :10:58.religious beliefs with one factor... I think you have got shit friends! A
:10:59. > :11:04.select file -- a few. It's very hard to be xenophobic in Cornwall, it
:11:05. > :11:07.would be exhausting. Trying to find negative stereotypes with bloody
:11:08. > :11:11.everybody coming here with their everything. It is always in places
:11:12. > :11:14.where there are hardly any immigrants were people are most
:11:15. > :11:17.freaked out. There were talking to people in Sunderland, well, the
:11:18. > :11:22.terrible problem with immigration, they said, have you had any problems
:11:23. > :11:26.with immigrants? Well, not me personally. Are there any immigrants
:11:27. > :11:31.in... Well, not in Sunderland as such, but in London. Isn't it nice
:11:32. > :11:37.that people care so much? I bet when he is asked about transport issues,
:11:38. > :11:41.I think that the Victoria line should be expanded to Streatham.
:11:42. > :11:50.It's potentially hazardous at peak times. The only thing I would say is
:11:51. > :11:54.that if we are planning to enact this policy, we should keep it under
:11:55. > :11:59.our hats. I don't think the way that we win round some voters is saying
:12:00. > :12:02.that if we remain we are going to start swapping out white people!
:12:03. > :12:06.Will you be able to go back to your mates and have a more robust
:12:07. > :12:12.discussion about what they are saying? Yes, definitely. Good luck
:12:13. > :12:17.with that. Alistair, next. Right in the middle, from Glasgow? Did you
:12:18. > :12:25.come down for the day or... Specifically to see this. I'm sure.
:12:26. > :12:29.Don't take the piss. What would you like to ask? If we vote to leave the
:12:30. > :12:39.EU, how quickly will I be able to buy a more powerful hoover? You have
:12:40. > :12:45.hit a chord with the audience, at the moment you are not allowed to
:12:46. > :12:52.have a hoover with a certain amount of power? Is that right? I'll come
:12:53. > :12:54.straight out, I don't know anything about hoover!. I don't know the unit
:12:55. > :13:08.of sucking. A-lister, you would like a stronger
:13:09. > :13:13.hoover? -- Alistair. Is that why all of your stuff is rubbish? Is it the
:13:14. > :13:21.EU? Like radiators, the most ridiculous way to heat a space I
:13:22. > :13:28.have seen. What do you do? You have hairdryers? We have forced hot air
:13:29. > :13:33.coming in vents, it's very cold in Canada, you will die without that.
:13:34. > :13:37.You come here, they say, just heat up that piece of metal in the
:13:38. > :13:46.corner. Before that, we used to burn the poor! We have an amazing three
:13:47. > :13:55.Mac. Better than here? Yes, and I never knew why. Now I know it is the
:13:56. > :13:58.EU, it changes everything. They have this extraordinary ability to suck
:13:59. > :14:02.up most of the carpet and leave fluff still on the floor. That is
:14:03. > :14:07.why you start turning them into stupid hand dryers, so embarrassing
:14:08. > :14:11.at motorway services. I used to like some blue towel, with some mucus.
:14:12. > :14:26.Now you stand there, going... To be honest I get excited when I
:14:27. > :14:34.see a Dyson air blade. My visit to the toilet would be more fun. I am
:14:35. > :14:38.with you. If you take the ship in one of those it comes out as the
:14:39. > :14:46.original. An amazing piece of technology. I will be sure not to
:14:47. > :14:53.follow you! Do you know why the EU decided we should not have powerful
:14:54. > :14:59.Hoovers? Probably energy saving. Is that the same reason why we have
:15:00. > :15:06.energy-saving light bulbs? This is such a big issue for people and when
:15:07. > :15:12.it comes down to it it is like, we should save the planet and she is
:15:13. > :15:16.like, absolutely not if it means my Hoover is less powerful, I would
:15:17. > :15:26.rather we all died! I think if we did leave someone would walk quickly
:15:27. > :15:33.start to make more powerful Hoovers. Just be able to clean your house
:15:34. > :15:43.from here. Dyson would we be up! I hate myself! -- would clean up. K
:15:44. > :15:54.from Hertfordshire now, what would you like to ask? I wonder if you
:15:55. > :16:02.think all the polish shops will close if we vote to leave the EU? We
:16:03. > :16:05.have got four of them up the road in Boreham Wood and they're handy
:16:06. > :16:12.because they open late and they sell all kinds of strange food and jam.
:16:13. > :16:23.They are very friendly. Are you in fact from Poland! These things
:16:24. > :16:28.become part of us, the way Indian and British food have merged, and in
:16:29. > :16:42.a few years Polish restaurants will be serving beetroot carry and things
:16:43. > :16:48.like that. Polish, do you use those delicatessens? Yes they are so
:16:49. > :16:58.different from boring old Tesco. Other boring supermarkets are
:16:59. > :17:02.available! Nina, do you like Polish food? I
:17:03. > :17:10.think it would be a shame to lose any kind of supermarket that has
:17:11. > :17:15.food from a country that is part of us right now. It would be a shame.
:17:16. > :17:24.People in Hounslow would be happy because then all the Indian shops
:17:25. > :17:29.would come back. Bloody white people with their beer and sausages! It was
:17:30. > :17:35.terrible for other people came here. When I was growing up in the 1960s
:17:36. > :17:41.in the suburbs everything closed at five o'clock and the whole place
:17:42. > :17:48.smelt like cabbage. The only place that you could get olive oil was at
:17:49. > :17:56.the chemist. You put it in your ear. How can you fry something in your
:17:57. > :18:04.ears! Why did they do that? We were at war! You did not ask questions.
:18:05. > :18:10.You guys are lucky my relatives came over and took over the health
:18:11. > :18:16.service! You used a poor olive oil in your
:18:17. > :18:23.ear, do not try it at home and do not do what my mum did and put
:18:24. > :18:32.vinegar in as well. A sterile dressing! Thank you for that free
:18:33. > :18:44.advertisement. Let's move on. Hugh, down here. What
:18:45. > :18:49.can we do for you? As an Irishman I have found comfort in the fact that
:18:50. > :18:56.the UK is part of the EU and so much less likely to invade Ireland again.
:18:57. > :19:03.If the UK leads who would they invade first and why? We will leave
:19:04. > :19:07.Ireland alone, we have had all the valuable stuff! One thing about
:19:08. > :19:19.British history, we do not invade things, OK! I do not know what you
:19:20. > :19:32.said, I was trying to decide if I fancied you or not. I'm Irish. Even
:19:33. > :19:42.though I talk like this I have an Irish passport. I thought we were in
:19:43. > :19:47.there like swimwear with you guys. People say you do not have to show a
:19:48. > :19:54.passport coming between the UK and the Republic of Ireland. But you do.
:19:55. > :19:58.I was in Ireland and I asked what the problem was with passports and
:19:59. > :20:04.they said Ireland had a terrible problem with immigration. Ireland,
:20:05. > :20:13.which single-handedly populated the entire world! Are you in a
:20:14. > :20:21.relationship? I could be! Would be tricky to you if we exit? There is
:20:22. > :20:30.the Anglo Irish agreement, we are all right. Thank you for asking that
:20:31. > :20:40.question. I will book probably be voting in and out, out and in. This
:20:41. > :20:52.is why I am alone! Just swap numbers and we can move on.
:20:53. > :21:00.Thank you. This is going to be good, the two people either side of him
:21:01. > :21:06.immediately went, Jesus! Do you know the people either side of you?
:21:07. > :21:17.Unfortunately they know me. What is the relationship? Good friends,
:21:18. > :21:24.wife. That did not come out right! You have much to learn. What would
:21:25. > :21:38.you like to ask? My wife likes German men. I like Italian women.
:21:39. > :21:49.This is a happy marriage! Switzerland would be a compromise.
:21:50. > :21:57.If we leave the EU will be still be able to fancy those nationalities?
:21:58. > :22:05.You're not supposed to anyway! Fidelity is nothing to do with the
:22:06. > :22:21.EU, it is a moral responsibility. Why do you like German men? Is it
:22:22. > :22:27.the uniform! It is the Aryan look. And yet you marry your husband. That
:22:28. > :22:38.is because he wears a uniform! What kind of uniform? The Fire Service.
:22:39. > :22:41.APPLAUSE. Some people are in open
:22:42. > :22:47.relationships. It is not better or worse than any monogamous
:22:48. > :22:53.relationship. If you like to swing with German men and Italian women
:22:54. > :23:08.you can continue to do so but you will need a Visa. I think we covered
:23:09. > :23:15.that question already with logging. Glad to have helped. Nice to have
:23:16. > :23:25.met you. So employed from east London. -- Sam Floyd. Like much of
:23:26. > :23:34.my demographic a lot of my disposable income is spent on
:23:35. > :23:45.hummous. If it goes up in price, how would I cope? Are you a student? No.
:23:46. > :23:52.No need to be so defensive. You have disposable income, enough to buy
:23:53. > :24:04.yourself a bit of hummous. How do you take it? With salary. No, you
:24:05. > :24:10.are an absolute pussy. Get a tub of hummous, get a spoon and go to town
:24:11. > :24:16.on it. It is not Europe, it is Middle Eastern. It will not be
:24:17. > :24:22.affected. Why so much hummous? Looking at my outgoings, especially
:24:23. > :24:28.rent, and then after that it is Mediterranean dips. So hard to get
:24:29. > :24:35.on the hummous ladder these days. You know that you can make your own.
:24:36. > :24:44.But you wanted finally landed, not the kind of chunky, local authority
:24:45. > :24:48.leaving do kind of hummous. Really smooth like in a Lebanese
:24:49. > :25:00.restaurant. A little drizzle of olive oil. Chunky hummous was my
:25:01. > :25:08.wrestling name. I followed a recipe one time, it said you have to peel
:25:09. > :25:13.each chickpea before blending. At first I thought it was an April
:25:14. > :25:20.fool. But actually it is quite easy, you just squeeze it and the inside
:25:21. > :25:28.pops out. You discard the shell and with it up. And the hummous you get
:25:29. > :25:34.from that is exactly the same... But you could use the shell to make your
:25:35. > :25:43.clothes. Exactly, you can nip them into gloves. I really hope we do not
:25:44. > :25:49.leave the EU! I feel for you, in the eye of the storm. Worrying about the
:25:50. > :25:58.price of hummous. Good luck to you, by the bust up were right there for
:25:59. > :26:03.you. Graham now from Chichester. I have a 50p piece with an EU flag on
:26:04. > :26:08.the tail side. In the event of a vote to leave Will I still be able
:26:09. > :26:16.to spend it as legal tender or keep it in case it is worth money in the
:26:17. > :26:25.future? You sound like a fun guy to go around with! Any advice for Mr
:26:26. > :26:30.big spender? Do you have one of those tables that you need to get to
:26:31. > :26:40.the right level? You could use it for that. You can buy something for
:26:41. > :26:48.that, for around 70p. I think we should all stand above the white
:26:49. > :26:53.cliffs of Dover and throw those 50p pieces at France if we leave. You
:26:54. > :26:58.have got banknotes with Ebola Dickens and Shakespeare, oh, they're
:26:59. > :27:09.dead! Hang onto it, it you never know what will happen and if nothing
:27:10. > :27:15.else it will make a fascinating episode of Flog It in the future.
:27:16. > :27:20.Going out to some we did not get the chance to get to. Sally Mitchell
:27:21. > :27:27.from Harrogate, am I more likely to sleep with Gerard Depardieu if we
:27:28. > :27:34.stay in Europe? Yes, but if we leave you will be able to sleep with
:27:35. > :27:39.morbidly obese tax dodgers from the Commonwealth. Joe Hunter from
:27:40. > :27:50.Durban, I do not know which way to vote, can you convince me in three
:27:51. > :27:55.words? Do not be racist. Rebecca West from London, why is it
:27:56. > :28:01.hard to get young people to vote? My daughter is young and if she is
:28:02. > :28:05.anything to go by, she hates anything that she is not good at
:28:06. > :28:11.straightaway. I think perhaps young people are intimidated but they need
:28:12. > :28:16.to know that very stupid people are voting all the time and they can do
:28:17. > :28:27.it. If we leave will all the clocks go back in the autumn? They would
:28:28. > :28:31.have to go back to Switzerland! That is about it from us. Thank you for
:28:32. > :28:43.all your questions and I would like to thank my helpers. Jeremy, Nina,
:28:44. > :28:53.Catherine and Laois. -- Nish. A wise man makes his own
:28:54. > :28:57.decisions and immigrant man follows public opinion, an old Chinese
:28:58. > :29:15.proverb. Which is brilliant, or is it, what do you think?
:29:16. > :29:18.Just when you think you've got it all sorted...