0:00:02 > 0:00:04Elis James, comedian.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Born in Wales, lives in England.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Miles Jupp, comedian.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Born in England, lives in Wales.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15These are our journeys across Wales by land, sea and rail.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19- So you've moved to Wales. - That is right.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21You've been on holidays here.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23I've spent a lot of time here, but I'm hungry.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24I want to know more, I want to see more,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- I want to feel more. - Well, guess who your ideal guide is.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Well, my ideal guide would be Rhod Gilbert.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Yes, he's unavailable. Guess who's available?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Stop, we've made a terrible mistake!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39That is not what nature is for.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40It's a classic one-two combination.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47This man came up to me and said, "I don't like your...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49BEEPING "..attitude!"
0:00:49 > 0:00:50So welcome to...
0:00:59 > 0:01:03So we're in a car, driving along the A48 away from Cardiff,
0:01:03 > 0:01:05and all is well with the world.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Elis, where are you taking me?
0:01:06 > 0:01:11I am taking you to the most unlikely talent hub for acting outside of
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Hollywood, probably in the world.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Port Talbot.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19- Oh, great, yeah. Yeah?- I am then taking you to Wales' second city,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Swansea. Oh, yes.- OK. So it's... I have been...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- I've been to Swansea. - It's a classic one-two combination.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Port Talbot, Swansea.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- You can't get any better. - Are you softening me up
0:01:28 > 0:01:30with Port Talbot and then hitting me with Swansea?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Yes. I'm going to knock you out with Swansea.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Swansea is the straight right.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39So we're heading west towards the glories of Swansea Bay,
0:01:39 > 0:01:42and as we join the M4 at junction 37, our first stop
0:01:42 > 0:01:47is right next to us, the first of a few sporting challenges
0:01:47 > 0:01:48I've lined up.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53I have driven past that lake thousands of times.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55But today we're going to stop.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Yes, turn off at junction 38
0:01:59 > 0:02:02and you arrive at the Tata Steel Sailing Club.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06So this is Chloe,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08who's going to show us the ropes and sails and rudders
0:02:08 > 0:02:11and everything else, really, because we're going sailing.
0:02:11 > 0:02:17I've never worn a wet suit before, but I really like it.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Although it's affected my posture and it's affecting the way I walk.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26But, if anything, it's given me a new-found confidence.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I was so up for this, but before we depart, a quick lesson.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38Dave here is helping us out by simulating the wind, apparently.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40If you think that's my listening face, you'd be wrong.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Not a word of that is going in.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Yeah, and this is your treat, Elis,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48and yet you seem to be the one yet again who's the most reluctant.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Well, it's all this technical stuff. It's not my strong suit.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I'll take the rudder, because I'm less obviously afraid than Elis.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Yeah.- I think just for the general morale of the dinghy.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01All you have to do to start sailing is pull your mainsheet in.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- Yes.- OK? And then slightly steer away from where the wind
0:03:05 > 0:03:06is coming from.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You're doing it, Miles. You're sailing.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- We're sailing. I'm a sailor. - We've set sail.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Bye, chaps. - Just keep it straight, yeah.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23# I am sailing
0:03:23 > 0:03:27# I am sailing... #
0:03:27 > 0:03:31If I'm being totally honest, I was absolutely petrified on this thing.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I mean, why would you design something so unstable?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- No.- Yes.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Look there's the pylon, how hard can it be?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10# We are sailing
0:04:10 > 0:04:14# We are sailing
0:04:14 > 0:04:15# Home again... #
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Yes, time to head back to dry land.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Do you know what?
0:04:26 > 0:04:31I think the risk-to-pleasure ratio isn't high enough for me
0:04:31 > 0:04:33to enjoy sailing. I just...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I kept thinking we were going to capsize.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37We came quite close a few times.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I mean, Miles had the time of his life, but...
0:04:42 > 0:04:43I think I'm a land lover.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Do you know what I was, Miles?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I was deeply out of my comfort zone.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I thought you were a sort of more...
0:04:56 > 0:04:57I imagined you being sort of hardy.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00I am, but I was out of my comfort zone.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01That's the point I'm making.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04On land, I'm as tough as they come, mate.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Yeah, you certainly...
0:05:06 > 0:05:11To an extent, because I thrive on land.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Do you know what I'm like?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I'm like... I'm like polystyrene.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20You don't want it in the bath, but it serves a purpose in the garage.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Michael Sheen, Anthony Hopkins, Richard Burton.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34Port Talbot is the hometown of these three great actors,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36and now we're going just a few miles up the Afan Valley
0:05:36 > 0:05:41for a brief visit to the birthplace of one of those screen giants.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48So this is it - Pontrhydyfen, birthplace of Richard Burton.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51He was at one time the highest paid actor in all of Hollywood.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52When was he born, then?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55He was born in 1925. He was born down there.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57He was one of 13 children.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01All of his brothers went on to work in the colliery alongside their dad,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04and that was over there, but this is where he grew up, in Pontrhydyfen.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Which house is it? - The house is down there,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08it's the one with the conservatory.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13- Oh, yeah.- This bridge, in fact, was built to supply water
0:06:13 > 0:06:15to blast furnaces in Oakwood.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19There's a very, very famous photo of Richard Burton in the '50s with his
0:06:19 > 0:06:20father. It's brilliant,
0:06:20 > 0:06:24cos his father's this little collier and Burton's just this Hollywood
0:06:24 > 0:06:28star, dressed in the best clothes that the '50s had to offer.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29It's amazing.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- It's amazing, isn't it? - It's an extraordinary place.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34It hasn't changed at all.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Look at that.- Look at that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47You've got the steelworks, the cranes, heavy industry,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50terraced houses. Certainly every south Walian cliche.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54No, well, Ridley Scott was apparently inspired
0:06:54 > 0:06:56to make Blade Runner based on that view,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00although the people of Hull and Middlesbrough also claim that fact.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Really?- So it's up for grabs.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, that's a classic Port Talbot scene.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- A kid doing a wheelie. - A kid doing a wheelie.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Not a care in the world.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Not a care in the world, boys.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I'll do a wheelie wherever I want!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Cos I'm 14 and I don't care!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Oi, mush! Watch this wheelie, then, mate.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32What do you think of that?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37OK, what next on our little tour?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43So this is the Port Talbot Plaza cinema.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Oh, wow. This is great. Proper Art Deco.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Yeah. 1930 it was built, so Richard Burton might have come here.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52I can't think of a closer cinema between here and Pontrhydyfen.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55This is the one Anthony Hopkins comes to in his Southbank show.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Yes. Yeah, he definitely watched films here as a kid.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59And there they are, there's the big three.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Sheen, Burton, Hopkins.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- Yeah.- That's not bad, is it?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Oh, it's great. No, but it's just very sad to think of it not,
0:08:05 > 0:08:06you know, films not being shown here.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Yeah, well, hold that thought, Miles.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Hold that thought.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Consider it held.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28It's absolutely beautiful.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30I think everything we've seen today is beautiful, though.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- I think...- Pontrhydyfen is lovely.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34The aqueduct is beautiful, but I think...
0:08:34 > 0:08:38The sight, when you first... As you're approaching Port Talbot,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41you see the sight of the steelworks on the skyline...
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Yes.- I think that is an amazing sight.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Well, that's Swansea over there.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51That's Port Talbot back there.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It's the jewel in South Wales' crown.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Apart from Carmarthen.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Shall we run to the sea?- Yes.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35Elis James is the slowest eater that I have ever seen.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39It is unbelievable. He says he's never had indigestion,
0:09:39 > 0:09:43which I can well believe. There is literally no risk of it, I think.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46There he is. Everyone else has clocked off hours ago.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Right, we've finally got Elis out of the hotel.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52What is first on today's agenda?
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Well, heading into Swansea, and to one of my favourite places
0:09:56 > 0:09:57in the whole world.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01You don't strike me as the kind of person who likes football grounds,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03who would want to visit a football ground.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- BANG Oh!- So, I have...- Oh...
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- Oh, well done, Mini. - So I am taking you...
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Yeah. - ..to a demolished football ground.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Right-hand lane.- Completely right-hand lane or this one?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Yeah. Actually, no, this is fine.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Sorry.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24You all right, El?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just getting goose bumps.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30That's cool. Men can feel emotion, Miles.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Welcome to sunny Swansea.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34That's Swansea prison, but I haven't brought you here to show you that,
0:10:34 > 0:10:38I've brought you here to show you this.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It's the site of the Vetch Field,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Miles, where Swansea played from 1912 to 2005.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- Yeah, that's glorious. - If you squint your eyes,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48it's like you're paying to get into the east stand.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53What were the key smells, then, when you were there?
0:10:53 > 0:10:58The key smells... Onions, lager, fags, and urine.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- The big four.- Right.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04If you smelled of onion, lager, fags, and urine,
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Miles, I cannot begin to tell you what I'd be doing.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13So what's really nice is that the council have kept the Vetch
0:11:13 > 0:11:17as a park, and given a little area over to the community,
0:11:17 > 0:11:18where the locals can grow fruit and veg.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22And this is Colin, who's one of the founding members of Vetch Veg,
0:11:22 > 0:11:26and like Elis, also a big Swansea City fan.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Colin, hello. Miles, how are you?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Hi. How are you?- Hello, Colin.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30- This is Elis James.- You all right?
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- Nice to meet you.- What would be your greatest recollection
0:11:34 > 0:11:35of on-field play at the Vetch?
0:11:35 > 0:11:41My most famous recollection I think was George Best playing here
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- for Ireland.- Northern Ireland.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46In the Internationals.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47He was a bit special then.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I can imagine. Were you at that game?
0:11:50 > 0:11:51I was at that game, yeah.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Oh, wow.- Yeah.- You come in via the old players' entrance?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Yes.- So every day, do you come in and sort of...?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Cos that's what I'd be doing,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03pretending I was Alan Curtis walking onto the pitch.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Yeah, but Alan Curtis is about two foot taller than you, isn't he?
0:12:06 > 0:12:11- Yes. Yes.- You know, and a nice looking guy.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Yes.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Well, that put you in your place.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Here we go, planting potatoes in the sunshine.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Pam telling us what to do.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23What if they're too deep?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- They'll still come up.- Think of it as a controlled experiment.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27They'll still come up.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Do you know what, Miles, I think I've had my life changed.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33I think I'm going to come off social media,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and I'm going to get into mindfulness and gardening.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38I think I've got life wrong.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I think this is... This is where I want to be.
0:12:41 > 0:12:47- This is excellent.- I'm going to start growing peaches, rosemary,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49raspberries, they've got grapes.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I wouldn't have thought Swansea was warm enough for grapes.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54But then again, I don't know anything about gardening.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01What is the greatest goal that you saw at this ground?
0:13:02 > 0:13:062003, the Hull game, we had to beat Hull to prevent relegation
0:13:06 > 0:13:08from the entire Football League.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Very important game, got to win it.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Yeah.- Who scores a hat-trick?
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Local boy James Thomas.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Oh, dear. The fourth goal,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19the third of his hat-trick was an audacious chip.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- I mean...- Which... What end?
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Was it at the away end? Home end?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25It would have been... It would have been at that end.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28We could recreate it. I'm happy to be a sort of Subbuteo player
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- if you want. - OK.- I can be a flailing goalkeeper.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- You can be a flailing goalkeeper. - Yeah.- Flail over there.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34- Yeah.- And I'll chip the ball over you.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36And I'll be saying, you know, "Lads, spread out,"
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- all that stuff that they say. - Yeah. Push up!- Push up.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Lads, push out! Push out!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- COMMENTATOR:- James Thomas is through. Thomas against the keeper!
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Chips in! Oh, yes! Superb goal by James Thomas!
0:13:48 > 0:13:54The hat-trick for Thomas and it's his hat-trick
0:13:54 > 0:13:58that could ensure survival for Swansea City!
0:13:58 > 0:13:59CROWD CHEERS
0:13:59 > 0:14:01There is the final whistle,
0:14:01 > 0:14:06Swansea City will stay in the Football League.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09That ground is wetter than I imagined it was.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- But hey-ho.- Do you know what today proved to me?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17You... Erm, what?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21That if I had a time machine,
0:14:21 > 0:14:24the thing I would do is I would go back in time to watch a night game
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- at the Vetch.- A night game?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Yeah. I mean, pathetic, really.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29If you've got access to a time machine,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31you should be going back to kill Hitler,
0:14:31 > 0:14:33not watch Oxford United at home.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Right, my turn for a sporting fantasy now,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42because this is St Helens,
0:14:42 > 0:14:46where cricket legend Garry Sobers famously hit six sixes
0:14:46 > 0:14:48off on over back in 1968.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- COMMENTATOR: - It's the right distance.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56He's hit that...out of the ground.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58OK, the reason we're here, Elis,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I want to recreate Garry Sobers's six sixes that he hit here.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Or even just one of the six sixes.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Right.- For me, that would be quite an achievement, I think.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Elis, you should go on the boundary.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12- The boundary?- Yes, I just think for a man of your outfield temperament.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Just come on.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Teamwork! I haven't done this for quite a long time.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23The last time I played cricket, proper cricket,
0:15:23 > 0:15:24I was out first ball.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Actually, no, I had to pay for two taxis,
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I had to pay for childcare all day, I was out first ball,
0:15:30 > 0:15:32and I was concussed while fielding.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Madison from Swansea Cricket Club is going to send me up some easy ones.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42OK, Madison, I'm ready.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48BLEEP! BLEEP!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51OK, sorry, that is me warming up.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52That's all that is.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Oh!
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Oh, BLEEP!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07We're warming up, I guess.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08There's another one.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12That's another one up at the enclosure.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Oh, he's got that. Up again.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22He's going to bowl this one.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28And that will just carry. No, it's going to be out.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Caught out. Dropped it over the boundary.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Six it is!
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Five on the trot.
0:16:35 > 0:16:3670 on the board.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44And he's done it! He's done it. And my goodness,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46it's gone way down to Swansea.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03That was remarkable, actually.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05So many times when I was a child I watched that clip
0:17:05 > 0:17:07shown on television.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08It's amazing to be here,
0:17:08 > 0:17:12to see what happened, but also, yeah, to have a go myself.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Just a middle one here, I would take that, very definitely.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21All right, what have you been doing?
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Well, you very kindly gave me this shirt, which I asked for,
0:17:25 > 0:17:27because it makes me feel like a real cricketer.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Right.- But I just donated a little something to the club.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32What did you give them? Money?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Well, it was an IOU more than money, but still,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- I think it's the thought that counts.- Oh, very much so, yeah.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39It was actually, it's a slightly longer run to him
0:17:39 > 0:17:41than I'd anticipated when I...
0:17:42 > 0:17:47When I started running from the car with puppy dog enthusiasm,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49the dog I was became older and older...
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Yeah.- As I got to give him an IOU for £20.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Well, perhaps we should take you to the vet now
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- as part of our afternoon's activities.- And have me destroyed?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Well, at least kept in overnight.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Next I asked Elis if we could have
0:18:02 > 0:18:04a little look at one of my favourite theatres.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Just pop in, not stay long.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Now I know why he brought me here,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13it's all part of Miles Jupp's hidden agenda.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17I get it, mate, you're a big TV comedian and you played the Grand,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19you're on their window display. Absolutely pathetic.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- Whoa!- I think this is really one of the most beautiful auditoriums
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- in the country.- Yes, fantastic, isn't it?
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Absolutely glorious.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I've done lots of gigs here,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40but I had a near-death experience at the Swansea Grand, about there.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41- As an audience member?- Yeah.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I was watching a pantomime when I is about nine,
0:18:43 > 0:18:45and I was giving a boiled sweet,
0:18:45 > 0:18:47far too young for that level of responsibility,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49because it's bigger than a child's windpipe.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I was about to go, you know, "He's behind you!"
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I thought, "I'll really enjoy this," head tipped back,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55it blocked my gullet, right.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Now, no way it was going in, no way it was going out,
0:18:57 > 0:19:02so I couldn't even shout for help. I just went...
0:19:02 > 0:19:03HE WHEEZES
0:19:03 > 0:19:05And I was like that for a couple of minutes.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07My mum took me out and she didn't realise how bad it was,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09so she just rubbed it better.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Yeah.- Gently rubbed my back and said, "Bring it up, bring it up."
0:19:12 > 0:19:15At which point, my dad realised what had happened,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19slapped me so hard on the back that it practically snapped my spine,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21and then I spewed it up onto the street.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22The thing didn't even break.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- Really?- Yeah, yeah.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Did you pick it up and eat it with some confidence after that?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29No. But I... The manager saw what happened,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31and I got given a free carton of Um Bongo.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38So we are now going to sample the latest craze, footgolf,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40which is golf with footballs,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42which you can play on the seafront in Swansea.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Are you looking for a good time, mister?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- OK.- Come on, let's have some fun.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57One adult and one child, please.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03So the first hole, best of three.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Nice. Good approach.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07In fact, I think you won this hole. Very nice.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09So I had to do a good tee shot on the next one.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Relatively safe.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Am I even going to be able to get that?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20No, Miles, that's what they call unplayable.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Following the rules, I'm allowed to drop my ball away from the hazard.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30If you were the Brazilian, Jairzinho, you'd bend it round.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- OK.- Maybe outside of the boot.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Outside? I mean... God.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Think audacious.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40ELIS GIGGLES
0:20:40 > 0:20:42This shot to win the hole and the competition.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47We're all rooting for you.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh!
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Argh!
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Argh!
0:20:53 > 0:20:57So, can I redeem myself and claim a tie?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Come on! Oh, my word.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Is that a comeback? That's a tie.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- Best of luck.- What do you mean "best of luck"?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I actually now think I hate footgolf,
0:21:14 > 0:21:18because if you can't beat Miles Jupp, you've got big problems.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Back round the bay to Port Talbot and to a cinema,
0:21:36 > 0:21:38whose glory days are now behind her.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44So I've done a little bit of organising, made a few phone calls,
0:21:44 > 0:21:48to arrange what I hoped would be a fitting tribute to the Plaza cinema
0:21:48 > 0:21:51and to the Hollywood stars who called Port Talbot home.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Do bear in mind that I'm a logistics man.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01I'm not only a logistics man, I'm a man who has big ideas.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Yeah.- You know what you said about holding that thought,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07how you'd like to see films at this Plaza cinema again?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Well... Take a seat.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Enjoy your popcorn.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Take it away, please.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Oh, yes. Do you know what...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Nice touch. Well done.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Nice touch.- One of my rules for a first date, Miles...
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- Yeah.- You should be on a garage forecourt and a bit cold.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46This is back in the days when cinema adverts were very local.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Here we go, here we go.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Oh, I hoped it was going to be a still picture of, you know,
0:22:53 > 0:22:55a curry house or something, a restaurant.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Look at this. There he is.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Broadsword calling Danny Boy, Broadsword calling Danny Boy. Over.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Crikey.- They are all extras. None of that is computer-generated.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28- Acting their little hearts out. - A fine figure of a man.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I'd like to think that I've got something of a Richard Burton
0:23:31 > 0:23:32about me.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Do you think I've got something of a Liz Taylor about me?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Mr Revie never made us do that.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Oh, I love this bit.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Well, I'm not Mr Revie!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46From now on, I don't want to hear that name again.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Ever. Next player who mentions it,
0:23:48 > 0:23:50or what he did or didn't bloody do in the good old days,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52will spend a week cleaning my boots.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Tony Hopkins.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00It was so nice to see you again.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03It was a pleasure to see you again, Mrs Benn.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Remains Of The Day.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Goodbye. Take care.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Great tache.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Very Swansea look, the tache. - Is this Bridge Too Far?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Tell them to go to hell.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Wasn't that amazing?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Elis, what a lovely, lovely thing for you to organise.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Aren't I amazing for organising that?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Right, then, Miles, first thing's first,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54why are you dressed like a roadie?
0:24:54 > 0:24:55I'm dressed like a roadie...
0:24:55 > 0:24:58I had a nice T-shirt, but it got wet when the went sailing,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01unfortunately, which is why I've got this slightly...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03What I'd normally considered as more of the sleeping T-shirt.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Yeah.- Cos you look like you're about to talk to me about amps.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11But anyway, I hope you enjoyed last night.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Oh, yeah, yeah. That was one of the...
0:25:12 > 0:25:14One of the best experiences I've ever had
0:25:14 > 0:25:15on a petrol station forecourt.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Yes, because forecourts have potential, but anyway,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20we're not in the mini today.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24This is Swansea Bay. That's Port Talbot, Swansea in the middle.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Mumbles in this direction.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27One of the things you learn from living in Wales
0:25:27 > 0:25:31is that we are famous for our superb public transport.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32I've got a little treat in store for you.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Wow. Can we go upstairs?- Yeah.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51One adult, one child, please.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Same joke.- Still funny, it's not like you've grown.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59# We're going where the sun shines brightly
0:25:59 > 0:26:02# We're going where the sea is blue
0:26:02 > 0:26:05# We've seen it in the movies
0:26:05 > 0:26:09# Now let's see if it's true... #
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Yeah, cos we've had a beautiful weather these last few days.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14- We have, yeah.- Have I had an unrepresentative experience?
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Yes, it's not usually like this.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Both of the weather and presumably of your personality.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I imagine when it's raining, you are a very different person?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- Oh, yeah.- Almost difficult.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Just imagine all of this, but with constantly wet trousers.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29But the wet trousers are not your fault.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36When the Swans got promoted to the Premier League, there was no...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38They celebrated with a new one way system
0:26:38 > 0:26:40to absolutely cripple the city centre.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42There was an open top bus parade through town.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44There were 50,000 people there.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46It must have taken about five hours.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Yeah.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52The problem is, they couldn't get hold of an open top bus in time,
0:26:52 > 0:26:53so they had to borrow one from Bath.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55It was one of those Bath sightseeing buses.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00But they didn't cover up the sign that said "Bath Sightseeing Bus".
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- "Visit Bath" it said on it? - It said "Visit Bath" on it, yeah.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Did you notice how my voice went all bouncy then with the bus?
0:27:08 > 0:27:09VOICE SHAKING: Yeah.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13There we are, look at that, journey's end.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Mumbles seafront.
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Perfect.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Look how blue that sky is.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21It's usually on days like that my father says,
0:27:21 > 0:27:23"Why bother going to Barbados?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27"Why would you bother going abroad
0:27:27 > 0:27:29when you've got this on your doorstep?"
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Thank you very much.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Oh, you've got some money. Where's that come from?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43I borrowed it from the producer.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Oh, do you know what, Miles, this is such a stunning view.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54I could enjoy this with wet trousers.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57Absolutely sopping.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19The toilet facilities leave a lot to be desired.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20You try pooing in one of those.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Have you seen Thelma and Louise?
0:28:24 > 0:28:27There's ivy honey from the end of last year.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29- Isn't ivy poisonous? - It is, yeah.