0:00:34 > 0:00:36Thank you.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Thank you.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Good evening and welcome to John Bishop's Britain.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45This is the first in a new series,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49and we're very optimistic that this series is going to go well.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52This is the first programme, so there's a lot riding on it.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Obviously there is competition in television, so if Family Fortunes on the other side
0:00:56 > 0:01:00have booked the Giggs family, to be honest, I think we're bollocksed.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05So, this is how the show works.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Each week I'm going to be talking about a different topic,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11which affects everyone in Britain, such as food.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15I have also interviewed hundreds of people around the country.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16This is what they look like -
0:01:16 > 0:01:19some of them you'll recognise, some of them you won't.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22I know, scary, isn't it?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24And this is a taster of what they had to say.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Yellow and brown.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- Like a sausage. - I had it all shaved once.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Halfway down their arse. - You're not really human.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- Stuff like this.- Bad!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Give it, give it large.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37THEY SCREECH AND HONK
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Freak!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42APPLAUSE
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You'll be hearing more from them later on.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50There will also be the odd sketch
0:01:50 > 0:01:52to explain what I'm talking about.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55The first topic in the series is music and fashion.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I know a lot of people, when I say that, and you hear it coming
0:01:58 > 0:02:01from a Scouse accent, you think it's all going to be about
0:02:01 > 0:02:03shell suits and the Beatles - it's not.
0:02:03 > 0:02:09But a lot of the time, your fashion is dictated by your first record.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I've just said that and already I've looked around this audience,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16and some people here under 25 went, what?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Because that's what we had to do,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21we had to go and get our first record.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Youse have no idea what that was like.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26We had to go to a place called Woolly's.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30We did, it was an adventure, everyone in
0:02:30 > 0:02:33this room remembers that adventure, if you're of a certain age.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37You used to go in with your 50p, to buy a record.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40You had to make a choice on your way in, because 50p was a lot of money,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42and you'd see the sweets and think...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Then you'd go in and you'd buy
0:02:45 > 0:02:49your record and you'd take it home, in its sleeve.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54And you'd hold it like it was the egg of a phoenix,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58so it would never drop. And then you'd put it on the thing and
0:02:58 > 0:03:02then you'd listen...to some shite.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Because I'm of the generation where we didn't download music.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13- The most exciting innovation for - us- was the stack system.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Who remembers the stack system? ALL: Yes!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I remember going to my mate's house.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22He had this music system the size of a bungalow.
0:03:22 > 0:03:28He had the record player on top, and then it had double tapes.
0:03:28 > 0:03:33The magic was that you could put a record on, and you could tape the
0:03:33 > 0:03:35record...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37whilst you listened to it.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40And then when you'd taped it, you
0:03:40 > 0:03:42could tape that tape.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50And you could even tape straight from the radio.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Because that's what used to happen.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58There will be lads in here who've never experienced the joy
0:03:58 > 0:04:00of making a tape for a girl.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Trying to cop off to the sounds of Shalamar.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You used to sit there, we used to have this show
0:04:07 > 0:04:09when I was growing up, on the radio,
0:04:09 > 0:04:13called Peaceful Hour, and it was all the love songs.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16We used to sit there and people used to write in and go,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19"I'm writing this letter because I love Gary.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22"Gary doesn't know that I love Gary.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26"I see Gary at school, I want to tell Gary that I love Gary,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29"but Gary will never know that I love Gary.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32"Please can you play a record for Gary and tell him,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34"it's off Frank... Debbie."
0:04:37 > 0:04:40And then he'd play the record and the whole school used to sit there
0:04:40 > 0:04:42and have your fingers poised,
0:04:42 > 0:04:46so then you could record the record without the disc jockey's voice.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49There's a whole generation of people who listened to music
0:04:49 > 0:04:51that all began with, vi...
0:04:54 > 0:05:00But of course, we all remember what our first record was.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07The first record that I remember buying was Swan Lake.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10YMCA.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14The first album I bought
0:05:14 > 0:05:17was Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell which is still ace.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20# Karma karma karma karma chameleon #
0:05:20 > 0:05:22# The Vengaboys are coming #
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Blockbuster by The Sweet, do you remember that?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31The Specials aka Ghost Town.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# This town, coming like a ghost town #
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Mmm Bop by Hanson.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38# Mmm bop, ba duba dop
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# Dee-bee-ah-pa... # Don't show that.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Save the Last Dance For Me by the Drifters.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45The Highland Pipers.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Smurfs Go Pop.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Do the Bartman.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Mr Smurftastic...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51# Really fantastic
0:05:51 > 0:05:54# I can take a metal bar and bend it like plastic. #
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Too Good to be Forgotten By Amazulu.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Right Said Fred, I'm Too Sexy.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It's a good song!
0:06:00 > 0:06:05APPLAUSE
0:06:05 > 0:06:07The whole thing is, to be honest with you, you get into music
0:06:07 > 0:06:11like that, and you get into your records and you get into
0:06:11 > 0:06:14that first stage of it and then the next stage you get to
0:06:14 > 0:06:16is going to concerts.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I went to watch U2 on their Vertigo tour at Man City's ground.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20It was brilliant.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22but it was just when, if you recall,
0:06:22 > 0:06:26all that End Poverty was happening and I went to watch it,
0:06:26 > 0:06:30I don't know if you've ever seen U2 in concert, Bono is mesmerising.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34He was on the stage singing and his mate, the Edge was praying
0:06:34 > 0:06:38and their other two mates who turn up and whatever they do.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Bono was singing, I've never seen anything like this in my life,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45and he was sort of singing The Streets Have No Name,
0:06:45 > 0:06:47and all that stuff, And he just dropped on his knees.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51And 45,000 people all went...
0:06:51 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:58"Something Wrong with Bono?" LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:07:01He stayed like that for a while and then he just went...
0:07:01 > 0:07:03"Do you want to end poverty?"
0:07:03 > 0:07:05LAUGHTER
0:07:05 > 0:07:0745,000 people went...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12"To be honest with you Bono, we've come to a gig."
0:07:12 > 0:07:15LAUGHTER
0:07:15 > 0:07:18"Not really thought about it to be honest with you."
0:07:18 > 0:07:21And he just, he just stayed there with his dark sunglasses,
0:07:21 > 0:07:25and just went, "Do you want to end poverty?" We all went...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29"Well, if it'll make you start singing, yeah."
0:07:29 > 0:07:31LAUGHTER
0:07:32 > 0:07:38So he's there and he said, "If you want to end poverty,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41"get your phones out now."
0:07:43 > 0:07:45And it was like a sea of stars getting created
0:07:45 > 0:07:47over Man City's ground.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Everyone got their phone out.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52He just said, "Text your name to this number."
0:07:52 > 0:07:54And everyone went...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57LAUGHTER
0:07:57 > 0:07:59We're all stood there thinking,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02"I didn't know it was that easy. I'd've done it ages ago!"
0:08:02 > 0:08:05LAUGHTER
0:08:05 > 0:08:08And then Bono just got up. And started singing.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10We all went, that was easy, wasn't it?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12LAUGHTER
0:08:12 > 0:08:16He carried on singing. We were at the gig and he carried on singing,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19"The streets have no name..." and The Edge was doing his stuff,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21the other lads did whatever they do
0:08:21 > 0:08:23and all of a sudden he just stopped again and he went...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26we were like, "Jesus, Bono, come on!"
0:08:26 > 0:08:28LAUGHTER
0:08:28 > 0:08:33He just went, "Did you want to end poverty?"
0:08:33 > 0:08:35And we went, "Yeah."
0:08:35 > 0:08:39He said, "Have you sent your text? Look now."
0:08:39 > 0:08:43We looked and all the people who'd sent their name to the number,
0:08:43 > 0:08:45all the names came up on a big screen
0:08:45 > 0:08:46and everyone went...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51.."Billy is a wanker".
0:08:51 > 0:08:54LAUGHTER
0:08:54 > 0:08:57APPLAUSE
0:09:02 > 0:09:05So, you can end poverty and have a laugh.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07LAUGHTER
0:09:08 > 0:09:11U2 are a brilliant band. I think they're a brilliant band.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Some people don't like them.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15We all have different taste in music
0:09:15 > 0:09:19and everyone's got some type of music that you just think, "That's awful."
0:09:22 > 0:09:26There's only one genre that I find very difficult to get my head round
0:09:26 > 0:09:27and that's heavy metal.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Headbanging stuff. I don't like that. I don't think,
0:09:30 > 0:09:31I think it's pointless.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36I cannot understand why that is called music.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39I'm really into heavy metal actually.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It's not really my scene.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44No, seriously, I really am.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I just really dig it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I don't understand that weird...
0:09:48 > 0:09:49HE MAKES DANCE MUSIC SOUND
0:09:49 > 0:09:51..ultra high BPM...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53# I like it hot, do-do-do-do #
0:09:53 > 0:09:55..European dance stuff.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57# Giving it, give it, giving it large #
0:09:57 > 0:09:59HE MAKES DANCE MUSIC SOUND
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Oh sweet lord. Bring it to an end.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07The music there I absolutely hate is sort of lift music like Enya,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10dippy-hippie, whale music with premenstrual wailings over the top.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I'd rather drive a screwdriver through my ears.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I don't like rap.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Rap music with a capital C? What a waste of money.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I cannot cook with that...
0:10:20 > 0:10:22HE MAKES ANNOYING DANCE MUSIC SOUND
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Rap is not a good form of music.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28I can't stand all that gangster rapper, innit...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31The lyrics don't make any sense because I don't live on the block.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Rap? Not bad. I like a wrap
0:10:34 > 0:10:36when it's got cheese and onion in it.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Or tuna.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:45 > 0:10:50I'm going to be honest with you, rap music just does my head in.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51There's no other music
0:10:51 > 0:10:54where you look at the fashion and think that's ridiculous.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55If you look a rapper,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58they always have their hats on the wrong way.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Their trousers down here with their underpants.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05They look like a three-year-old learning how to dress.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10And what does me most about rap music is the way they started doing this thing called sampling,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13you know, where they take some music and then they put their music on.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17So you sit in the car and think this is a good record.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21This is really nice. I remember hearing 10cc years ago.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23This is lovely and then half-way you get,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26"I'm going to pop this cap in your ass, bitch!"
0:11:26 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:30It just kills it.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32It does. It's like seeing a chocolate bar
0:11:32 > 0:11:35and finding out it's a sprout covered in chocolate. Ridiculous.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Dancing's changed as well.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41There's a whole generation of people in this room
0:11:41 > 0:11:44who have never had the joy of the slowy.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Slowies used to end every nightclub,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49every disco, there used to be slowies.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52There's lads here who's just looked at me going...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I don't know how you lot cop off
0:11:55 > 0:11:59because what we used to do, you used to wait for the end,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03and there'd always be somebody you know who was there teetering.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06You'd think, "All I've got to do is get her...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"when the slowy comes on."
0:12:08 > 0:12:10It was unbelievable.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13And in school discos, even in school discos,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17they used to call it the erection section,
0:12:17 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:18 > 0:12:21which when you went to an all boys Catholic school
0:12:21 > 0:12:23that wasn't a nice thing to hear.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27It's that and weddings, that's when you see men dancing.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30That's when you see that moment in a man's eyes at a wedding,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33where his Mrs has been on the dance floor all night loving it
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and enjoying herself and there's something in her man's eyes
0:12:36 > 0:12:40when you think, "It's time to now put the tie on me head."
0:12:40 > 0:12:42LAUGHTER
0:12:42 > 0:12:45There's also that thing when you get to weddings
0:12:45 > 0:12:47there's always the uncle and auntie
0:12:47 > 0:12:50who can dance like they used always used to be able to dance.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53In our family, it's me uncle Alfie and me Auntie Betty,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56and they'll go on and every wedding they'll get up and they'll jive
0:12:56 > 0:13:00because that was the music of their youth and everyone waits for the moment
0:13:00 > 0:13:03when Alfie and Betty will jive because they're brilliant at it.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Our youth haven't got that.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07When I grow up, I don't know what I'm going to do.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09When we're in our 60s going to weddings,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I can see me turning to me Mrs and saying, "Listen love,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15"get your whistle out, get your glow-stick, we've got Fatboy Slim on!"
0:13:15 > 0:13:19LAUGHTER
0:13:19 > 0:13:22APPLAUSE
0:13:22 > 0:13:27Music has gone on a completely different level now because you've got all these obsessive fans.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31If somebody likes you, they go to see your gigs and all the rest of it. There was a time with Tom Jones,
0:13:31 > 0:13:36if people liked you, they used to throw their knickers at the stage.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39I never got me head around some woman saying, "I love him,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41"I'm going to throw me knickers at him."
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Because, to be fair, you've got to be close enough for the knickers to reach.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47LAUGHTER
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I find it a very odd situation to be at a gig and someone say,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52"Do us a favour, can you pass them on?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53LAUGHTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:57That's obviously where the G-string got developed so they could go...
0:13:57 > 0:14:00LAUGHTER
0:14:00 > 0:14:05The thing is some people embrace what their musical past is,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08but some people are embarrassed about the music that they like.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11In fact, they call it their guilty pleasure.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I've always been a massive fan of...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- Westlife. - Blue.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Justin Bieber, Baby.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22That's really bad.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25But let me just say something, that's a good track.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- Kylie Minogue. - Love The Corrs.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- MC Hammer.- Queen. - You Can't Touch This.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- # Thunderbolts and lightening, very, very frightening me! # - It's classic.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I think the "me" was a bit off key.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41- My guiltiest pleasure is The Sound of Music.- Gilbert and Sullivan, operettas. I love them.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- The songs actually mean something. - They're good because it's a story.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47# Edelweiss, edelweiss... #
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Have you watched any that are really depressing?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53It makes me think how it must have been to be a Nazi officer.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- No, I did not. - I love booty-ass shaking songs.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59SHE SINGS THE CHICKEN DANCE
0:14:59 > 0:15:02# My humps, my humps, my humps, my humps, my humps.
0:15:02 > 0:15:08- Yes.- It's because I feel my gillies shaking. It seems right with what I'm doing.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09I like Eminem.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I have a guilty pleasure with Cliff Richard.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I think their music is quite catchy and it's got a good beat to it.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I do.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21That singer, is he a white rapper? I can't really understand everything that he says.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24# Come on pretty baby, let's move and groove it #
0:15:26 > 0:15:30You know, something quite catchy about it all, isn't there?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- You wouldn't admit that on TV.- You just have.- Have I? You sure?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- But no one watches this, do they? - (No).
0:15:35 > 0:15:38APPLAUSE
0:15:38 > 0:15:44For me, my guilty pleasure has always been Take That.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45I've always liked Take That. I have.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50I went to see them do a fantastic, but for me what brought it
0:15:50 > 0:15:54all home to me, I got asked last year to do a thing called Fake That.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Don't know if anyone saw Fake That.
0:15:58 > 0:16:03In February I got a phone call, it was off Comic Relief.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07They said, "Would you like to raise some money for Comic Relief?"
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I said, "To be honest, I ended poverty with Bono, but..."#
0:16:10 > 0:16:13LAUGHTER
0:16:13 > 0:16:20APPLAUSE
0:16:20 > 0:16:23If there's still work to do, course, I'll do it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Comic Relief, fantastic charity. I said, "What do I have to do?"
0:16:27 > 0:16:30They said, "We're going to do Fake That."
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I said, "What do I have to do to be in Fake That?"
0:16:32 > 0:16:36They said, "What you've got to do, we're going to film a video of Take That's new single
0:16:36 > 0:16:41"and all we need you to do is to pretend that you're a member of Take That."
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I went, "Are you joking?"
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I said, "I live with a woman in her 40s,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48"I've been married for 18 years so in our relationship
0:16:48 > 0:16:54"I have pretended to be every single member of Take That.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57"At least with this video I can keep me cock in."
0:16:57 > 0:17:03LAUGHTER
0:17:03 > 0:17:06The thing is I got asked to do it and it was in February
0:17:06 > 0:17:08and I was out with me mates a couple of weeks later.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11We were catching up - I was on tour on at the time and hadn't seen them.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14They said, "What's going on?" "You won't believe this."
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I said, "I've been asked to be in the Take That video. They said, "No."
0:17:18 > 0:17:20At first they were like, "Ugh, Take That."
0:17:20 > 0:17:24I said no, I've always liked Take That. And then they all started saying, "To be honest,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26"I know what you mean."
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I said, yeah, everyone's got a guilty pleasure
0:17:29 > 0:17:35and they started saying, "Yeah." Big Steve said, "My guilty pleasure is Barry Manilow."
0:17:35 > 0:17:37You're among friends, Steve.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40You can say it's Barry Manilow.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42That's all right. And then we all went round the table.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47Everybody was exchanging what their guilty pleasures were.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49And then me mate came from the bar with all the drinks.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52As he came over, we were all laughing,
0:17:52 > 0:17:56happy in the fact that we'd all admitted to Barry Manilow, S Club 7...
0:17:56 > 0:17:58LAUGHTER
0:17:58 > 0:18:01..a little bit of Abba had been thrown in, everybody felt comfortable.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He put the drinks down and asked what's everyone laughing at?
0:18:04 > 0:18:09I said, "We're talking about guilty pleasures. He said, "Really?" I said, what's yours?"
0:18:09 > 0:18:11He said, "I like getting a bath with me mum."
0:18:11 > 0:18:16LAUGHTER
0:18:16 > 0:18:23APPLAUSE
0:18:23 > 0:18:26The thing is, music's one thing that influences your life,
0:18:26 > 0:18:30but it's the music that then feeds on to the other side of your life
0:18:30 > 0:18:33which is being fashionable, which is a difficult thing for a man
0:18:33 > 0:18:36of my age to talk about because when you're a bloke,
0:18:36 > 0:18:40there comes a point in your life where fashion's like conkers.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42It's not for you anymore.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You shouldn't really be messing with it.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46LAUGHTER
0:18:46 > 0:18:49We all have a view on whether we're fashionable or not.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57As a man with a large handle bar moustache,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I think I am fashionable, but most probably in the 1920s.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I would describe myself as highly fashionable.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07I get a lot of interesting questions from teenagers about my style.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Setting trends rather than following them.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13"Nice moustache, why did you grow it?"
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I usually replay, "I modelled it on your mum's."
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- I'm not very fashion conscious. - I have no fashion sense whatsoever.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Most of my clothes come from Tesco's.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25All my clothes come from George in Asda.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28I describe my look with four letters,
0:19:28 > 0:19:29S-E-X-Y.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Believe it or not, I once won best dressed man.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34No matter what it is, if you wear it well, wear it.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I twice won tie wearer of the year.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I like to think I would still be considered fashionable.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44People still think I haven't got any fashion.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48But I'm at that age, that 50 something age, where you do worry.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I think I'm all right for me age.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53You go, is this a bit mutton.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Pleading guilty! Mutton dressed as lamb.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00If you can pull off looking younger than you are,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03dressing younger than you are, why not go for it?
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Absolutely, I go for it.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08There are people that will maybe wear cropped tops,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10don't do that when you're older.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I don't wear mini skirts anymore.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16But probably not because I'm older,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19probably my legs don't look as good any more.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30As I said at the beginning, there will be some people on here that you recognise, some you don't.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Every lad in this room who's been on a stag-do recognises her.
0:20:34 > 0:20:40Also, now kids have an interest in fashion that didn't happen when I was a kid.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43You had all these kids who decided to be Goths
0:20:43 > 0:20:46because they want to be individuals.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51So they dress as Goths and make friends with other Goths.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54One of my kids went through a Goths phase.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59We had 35 Goths come to our house for a Goth birthday party.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03They're all stood there being individual, looking exactly the same.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I was dressed as a normal bloke on the corner
0:21:05 > 0:21:09and everyone's going, "Who's that weirdo?"
0:21:09 > 0:21:12That's what you do - find people who are like you
0:21:12 > 0:21:16and then follow the fashion with them and sometimes it goes the odd way.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21I was in the States about six months ago, I saw the most beautiful thing
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I think I've ever seen when it comes to fashion.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I saw a Goth on roller-skates.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30That is just brilliant, isn't it?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33You look at the Goth face and you think that's misery,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36that's depression, that's almost suicidal,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39but then you see the roller skates and you think "happy feet".
0:21:40 > 0:21:44It was like a Bodyform advert for nemos.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51And obviously there's loads of fashion disasters that we've all had.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I did a programme a couple of years ago called Skins.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I don't know if anyone has seen it. WHOOPING
0:21:58 > 0:22:02I played a dad in Skins and I was married to an actress
0:22:02 > 0:22:05called Ronni Ancona who's a very good-looking woman
0:22:05 > 0:22:10and I had to do this scene where my character had gone bankrupt, had lost everything.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Me wife had left me.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I had to do this scene at the end of my time in Skins where she comes back to me.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21I'm stood in a house that we used to live in, that had been repossessed.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I'm stood in the kitchen reading the script
0:22:24 > 0:22:27and my character says, "I thought you left me forever."
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Hers says, "How could I leave you forever? I love you."
0:22:30 > 0:22:32That's when you know it's fiction.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Every married man knows if you go bankrupt,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39she's already coming back to stab you in the eye.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43But it said in the script, "How could I leave you forever? I love you."
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Underneath it said "kiss vigorously".
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I went, "Oh, shit."
0:22:49 > 0:22:52So I went up to Ronni who's done loads of acting,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I said, "We've got to do this scene," and she went, "Yeah."
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I said, "There's that bit."
0:22:58 > 0:23:00She said, "Oh, the kiss vigorously."
0:23:00 > 0:23:04I said, "I'm not sure what that means."
0:23:04 > 0:23:08She said, "I think it means just go for it."
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I said, "OK."
0:23:13 > 0:23:17This is a word of warning to anyone else in this room,
0:23:17 > 0:23:22or anyone at home who might find themselves in a similar position.
0:23:22 > 0:23:28The RADA Acting Academy version of "just go for it"
0:23:28 > 0:23:33is not the same as the Scouse version.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34APPLAUSE
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Apparently tongues aren't normally involved.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I didn't know. I thought, "This is great."
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Any man in a similar position to me,
0:23:42 > 0:23:45married as long as I've been, if someone says to you,
0:23:45 > 0:23:50"Hey, mate, you see that good-looking woman over there? You can snog the face off her."
0:23:50 > 0:23:58"Your wife can't complain and you don't even have to pay her," you're going to make the most of it
0:23:58 > 0:24:01for definite.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04I was stood in the kitchen waiting for the scene to happen.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I'm stood there like...
0:24:11 > 0:24:15I was like a 14-year-old after a bottle of alcopops at a party
0:24:15 > 0:24:18for that episode.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Action!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Go on, say your bit, say your bit.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28How can I leave you forever? I love you.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I went boom, boom!
0:24:46 > 0:24:50The director shouted, "Cut," and I went...
0:24:54 > 0:24:56I said, "Breathe, love.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01"Give yourself a chance, just breathe."
0:25:01 > 0:25:03"Is that OK? Everyone got that, yeah?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07"Got that, lights? Sound? Yeah, yeah. Camera?"
0:25:12 > 0:25:16I'm stood there like that.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19The only problem was...
0:25:19 > 0:25:24..my character was a gym instructor
0:25:24 > 0:25:28which meant that I was wearing tracksuit bottoms.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49There's nothing more embarrassing on this planet
0:25:49 > 0:25:55than to be the last person in the room to know that you have an erection.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00I'm stood there like that, pleased with myself.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Ronni just looked at me and went, "It's all right,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16"I'll take it as a compliment."
0:26:22 > 0:26:27But track suits aren't the only clothes that you should avoid.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32A fashion I consider unpalatable today
0:26:32 > 0:26:36is youngsters who wear their jeans half-way down their arse.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39I'm not adverse to people wearing jeans around their bum.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42I don't want to see what you had for breakfast.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45A belt was invented to hold your damn trousers up.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49A low-slung jean can look quite hot, can't it?
0:26:49 > 0:26:53I don't think the crack should show, but it happens, innit?
0:26:53 > 0:26:57- I like it best when they start to slip. - Pull your bloody trousers up.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Then they have to shuffle them up. I like that a lot.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04There's a fashion that girls show their bra straps.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I'm very happy to see a lady's underwear, that's always a treat.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I don't think it looks very nice.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Larger women in leggings on nightclub doors is not a good look.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Some people aren't meant to wear leggings.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20You see these big mommas pouring themselves into these things
0:27:20 > 0:27:22and it overflows, it's horrific.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Like a sausage bursting out of its skin.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26It shouldn't be allowed.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29All the dimples are showing. Come on, girls.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32People should be allowed to wear what they want.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Good for them.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43As a parent I view fashion in a completely different way.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47I sent me youngest lad, he would have been just about 11,
0:27:47 > 0:27:51I sent him to the barbers by himself. I gave him the money, he went to the barbers.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54He come back with all these tramlines down his head.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57His hair looked a frigging mess. I said, "What happened?"
0:27:57 > 0:28:00He said, "I just got them."
0:28:00 > 0:28:05I walked steaming into the barbers, "Hey, dick head, look at that.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07"What happened there?"
0:28:07 > 0:28:12I just looked and everyone had tramlines in their head.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15"Good job."
0:28:24 > 0:28:26So tonight's Britain has taught me
0:28:26 > 0:28:29that you can end poverty just by texting Bono.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32You should never try snogging in a tracksuit
0:28:32 > 0:28:37and a wrap is only acceptable when it's full of cheese and onion or tuna.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Thank you, good night, God bless.