0:00:02 > 0:00:03Welcome to Just A Minute.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05APPLAUSE
0:00:05 > 0:00:07MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin
0:00:12 > 0:00:17Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons and as the Minute Waltz fades away,
0:00:17 > 0:00:19it's my great pleasure to welcome you
0:00:19 > 0:00:22to this special edition of Just A Minute
0:00:22 > 0:00:24from the BBC Television Centre.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27This year, Just A Minute will reach its 45th birthday,
0:00:27 > 0:00:30and to celebrate those many years of radio success,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34we have taken over your television screens.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36So, without further ado, please welcome to the show
0:00:36 > 0:00:41those four talented and exceptional show-business personalities,
0:00:41 > 0:00:45and they are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Shappi Khorsandi
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and seated on my left, Julian Clary and Stephen Fry.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Please welcome all four of them.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:01The players will try to speak for just a minute
0:01:01 > 0:01:04on a subject that I give them, and they must try and do that
0:01:04 > 0:01:06without hesitation, repetition or deviation.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09The other three panellists can challenge at any time they wish
0:01:09 > 0:01:11and if uphold that challenge, they gain a point.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13If not, the person speaking gains a point
0:01:13 > 0:01:15and continues to speak on the subject.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17And, by the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22Paul, the subject here is "excuses for being late".
0:01:22 > 0:01:25You have 60 seconds as usual, Paul, and your time starts now.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Perhaps one of the best excuses for being late is being late.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33If you are dead, you can't be expected to keep appointments.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38Other excuses which are wonderful are to refer to outside phenomena.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41"God ate my homework," you might say, on your way to a theological college,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45or, indeed, "The tsunami was so great coming down Streatham High Street..."
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- BUZZER SOUNDS - Stephen, you challenged.- I think there was repetition of "great".
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Yes, probably. LAUGHTER
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I don't listen to what I'm saying.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56It's hard enough coming out with it in the first place.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58So, Stephen, you have a correct challenge.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00You get a point for that, of course.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02You take over the subject, there are 40 seconds available
0:02:02 > 0:02:04and the time starts now.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I suppose the disrepair of some sort of horological device
0:02:07 > 0:02:11like a watch or chronometer would be a reasonable excuse for being late.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13"It stopped, it was retarded in some fashion
0:02:13 > 0:02:15"and I wasn't able to tell the time
0:02:15 > 0:02:17"and thought that I was being punctual.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19"As a matter of fact, I was horrifically late
0:02:19 > 0:02:21"and I'm embarrassed and ashamed."
0:02:21 > 0:02:24It's not an excuse, it's a reason and sometimes the two are confused.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- An.. An excuse is... - BUZZER SOUNDS
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Oh, hello.- Paul challenged. - There was a tiny hesitation.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31There was a definite hesitation.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- He stumbled over the words.- He did. - So we call that hesitation.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36So, Paul, you get a point for that. Correct challenge.
0:02:36 > 0:02:4018 seconds are still available and your time starts now.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42There was a boy at school who specialised in being late
0:02:42 > 0:02:44virtually every day of the week
0:02:44 > 0:02:49and he had the most fantastic reasons for his poor time-keeping.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52"Excuse me, sir, I got my foot caught in a drain."
0:02:52 > 0:02:54"There was an explosion at the gasometers
0:02:54 > 0:02:57"and I was helping police with casualties."
0:02:57 > 0:03:00These were genuinely things he would come in and say. WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:00 > 0:03:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11and it's Paul Merton, so he's taken the lead
0:03:11 > 0:03:14at the end of the first round. Who's going to begin the next round? Oh, Shappi.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Yes, a lovely subject. "The moon."
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Tell us something about the moon in just a minute, starting now.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24When I was a little girl, at school they told us
0:03:24 > 0:03:26that the moon was made of cheese.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29This is more of a comment on my education
0:03:29 > 0:03:31than the actual moon itself.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's not made of that substance at all.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- I've always suspected it's... - BUZZER SOUNDS
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- ..made. Made. - And Julian's challenge.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Repetition of "made".- Yes, made.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Does it count that if the second time, in my head, I misspelt it?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47LAUGHTER
0:03:47 > 0:03:49No, darling, we can't stretch it as far as that.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52So, Julian, you have a correct challenge. You get a point for that,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54of course, and you have the subject of "the moon"
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and there are 45 seconds available, starting now.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Those of us who are rustic people, of course,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01know that the moon lights up the sky
0:04:01 > 0:04:03and makes everything absolutely gorgeous.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05In the city, you don't really see it.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08There are streetlights, you may peer up towards the sky
0:04:08 > 0:04:10and see something vaguely yellowish, however...
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- BUZZER SOUNDS - Stephen challenged.- There were two "sees" in there.- Yes, two "sees".
0:04:14 > 0:04:16A "see" at the beginning and a "see" at the end.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I feel such a bully and I don't want to.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- I understand.- Oh, thank you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- You can't help it.- No, Stephen, those are the rules of the game.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25You're right, you're right.
0:04:25 > 0:04:31And you got a correct challenge, another point, and you have 32 seconds starting now.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34La luna, it's often considered a symbol of femininity.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38The silvery, reflective quality has in mythology and symbology
0:04:38 > 0:04:40for many years been seen as somehow...
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- BUZZER SOUNDS - Julian's challenge. - Is there a word, like...
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- I'm sure there is - symbology? - Yes, there is.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I'm afraid it became...
0:04:48 > 0:04:53- LAUGHTER - I'm afraid it became awfully popular with that dreadful Dan Brown book
0:04:53 > 0:04:56because the character that Tom Hanks played in the film
0:04:56 > 0:04:58was actually a symbologist.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- That was his profession. - Just a "yes" will do.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:05APPLAUSE
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Symbology. Symbology. I'll use it now.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10So, Julian, alas, but we did enjoy hearing from you
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and we loved the interruption, but Stephen was interrupted,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17he gets a point for an incorrect challenge and he keeps the subject.
0:05:17 > 0:05:2021 seconds available, starting now.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23In the magnificent extended poem by John Keats, Endymion,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25the moon falls in love with this beautiful youth who lies naked
0:05:25 > 0:05:30in the silvery light he's cast upon him...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- BUZZER SOUNDS - Shappi challenged. - I think you said "silvery" before.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Do you know, I did, didn't I?- Yes, well listened.- The silvery moon.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Shappi, you have a correct challenge,
0:05:38 > 0:05:39you have a point for that, of course.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43There are 11 seconds and you take over the subject of "the moon", starting now.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47# By the light of the silvery moon
0:05:47 > 0:05:51# I want to spoon with my honey I croon love's tune. #
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Was a song that we learnt at school...
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- BUZZER SOUNDS - And Stephen challenged. - Well, in her first little speech,
0:05:58 > 0:05:59she told us that at "school" she was...
0:05:59 > 0:06:03It was a different school.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:07 > 0:06:10No, it doesn't matter. No, Shappi, I think you've justified it,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- and I'm glad you have... - LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:16..because there's only half a second to go
0:06:16 > 0:06:17and it would be very unfair
0:06:17 > 0:06:19to take it away from you at that particular moment.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It was an incorrect challenge - you get a point for that -
0:06:22 > 0:06:24and you've got "the moon"...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- LAUGHTER - ..and whichever school you went to, whichever...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Half a second, starting now. - The moon on a stick...
0:06:30 > 0:06:32WHISTLE BLOWS
0:06:32 > 0:06:34APPLAUSE
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went and gained an extra point,
0:06:39 > 0:06:43and the situation is that she's now equal in the lead with Stephen Fry.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- SHAPPI GASPS - Wow!- Whoo.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47There's very little difference in the points
0:06:47 > 0:06:50and, Julian, we'd like you to begin the next round.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52The subject is... Oh.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55"The front row of this audience".
0:06:55 > 0:06:57- LAUGHTER - Good lord.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Oh, they're all, sort of,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01straightening themselves up now and twitching a bit.
0:07:01 > 0:07:0460 seconds as usual, starting now.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Now, when I look at the front row of this audience,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08the word "casual" springs to mind.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11There is a woman over there wearing burgundy corduroy trousers,
0:07:11 > 0:07:15which, frankly, is a mistake. LAUGHTER
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I can't see anyone amongst you who's seen an iron in the last week.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Can I say the word "shampoo", madam?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24And you, with the curly hair, is your hair naturally...
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- BUZZER SOUNDS ..that way? - Stephen, you've challenged.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Two "hairs", "curly hair" and "your hair". Sorry.- Yes, two "hairs".
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I'm loathe to take over the subject, but nonetheless.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35LAUGHTER
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Well, we've heard some of Julian's comments,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40let's hear yours on the front row of the audience,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43and 39 seconds still available, Stephen, starting now.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Do you know, when I took my seat I thought,
0:07:45 > 0:07:46"Have I arrived at a beauty pageant,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49"and are these the contestants lined up before me?"
0:07:49 > 0:07:51It's a marvellous mixture. They're very keen.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54They're the first to have got here, presumably.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57They queued up a long time ago and that's why they're in such a state...
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- BUZZER SOUNDS - ..cos the weather isn't good. - Julian, you've challenged.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- We had two "theys" and two "they'res" in swift succession.- Wow.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Tough challenge, but correct. - Pardon me, symbiology.- No, no...
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- LAUGHTER - Symbology.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Symbology, is it?- Yes, yes.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15So, you have a symbolic challenge there
0:08:15 > 0:08:18and you have the subject back again, Julian,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21and we'd love to hear more from you on the front row of the audience.
0:08:21 > 0:08:2424 seconds available, starting now.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26You've all perked up somewhat,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29but can I say the word "posture" to these two at the front.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Are you members of a boy band that we ought to know about?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36And you, are you going out with anybody that we need to know?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38BUZZER SOUNDS I don't have time to pause for the answer.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- Stephen challenging again.- There were two "needs to know" there. - Two "needs to know", yes,
0:08:43 > 0:08:45so Stephen, you've got in with 11 seconds to go
0:08:45 > 0:08:48on the front row of the audience and your time starts now.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51The colours range from pastel to deep viridian green, there.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I see a brown, I see a rather pleasant...
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- BUZZER SOUNDS - Oh, yes. - Oh, I see too many things, don't I?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- Julian, you challenged first. - Repetition of "see".
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- I see, I see, I see.- It was a "see" of colour.- A sea of colour.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05The front row of the audience is still the subject,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08and there are six seconds available, with Julian starting now.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Do you worry about your head? Cos you needn't.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- BUZZER SOUNDS - Sorry, I thought he was going to say "hair".
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- LAUGHTER - Deviation - you didn't say "hair"!
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Why is it everyone on the front row's turned purple?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25But they're also crossing their hands, like this.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- So it was an incorrect challenge. - It was an incorrect challenge.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31So Julian, another point to you. Four seconds are still available.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33The front row of this audience, starting now.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36You do have a lovely head of skin, if I may say so,
0:09:36 > 0:09:38and between you and me and the gatepost...
0:09:38 > 0:09:40WHISTLE BLOWS
0:09:40 > 0:09:43APPLAUSE
0:09:43 > 0:09:46So Julian Clary was then speaking as the whistle went
0:09:46 > 0:09:48and gained that extra point for doing so,
0:09:48 > 0:09:51and he's in the lead now with Stephen Fry,
0:09:51 > 0:09:53and the other two are only one or two points behind.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57And Stephen, we'd like you to begin the next round. Oh, the subject -
0:09:57 > 0:10:01you might have some knowledge on this: "Writer's block."
0:10:01 > 0:10:0360 seconds, as usual, starting now.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Well, sometimes the words simply don't come.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09There's a sort of verbal constipation that afflicts
0:10:09 > 0:10:11authors of all kinds - poets, playwrights, novelists.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13It's a terrible condition, because sometimes
0:10:13 > 0:10:17they have achieved a huge amount in their chosen profession
0:10:17 > 0:10:21and are expected to produce all kinds of work each year,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25and then nothing. I lived in an apartment block
0:10:25 > 0:10:29which was Jay MacInerney's and Timberlake... Er... Baker's.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31BUZZER SOUNDS
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- It's such an odd name, isn't it? - Julian challenged.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- It was a hesitation, I think.- Yes, it was indeed.- It was a hesitation.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Julian, you've got in again
0:10:38 > 0:10:42with 33 seconds to go on writer's block, starting now.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I had writer's block once and I invested in an enema,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47which shifted it very, very quickly. The words flowed freely...
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- BUZZER SOUNDS - Paul's challenge.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52WHAT flowed freely?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- I've read one of his books, he's right.- Ah!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- The words.- Oh, the words? Well, I do beg your pardon.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Which one have you read? - Oh, it was probably the one called Murder Most Fab.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Thank you. LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:07That was a lucky guess, wasn't it?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Oh, give him a point. LAUGHTER
0:11:10 > 0:11:14The audience did enjoy your interruption so I'm going to give you a bonus point for that.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16But Julian, you were interrupted, so you get a point
0:11:16 > 0:11:20and you still have 27 seconds, tell us something about writer's block starting now.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Writer's block is terribly frustrating.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27It's like looking at a blank page and nothing is swimming before you.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Eventually you may wander into the garden,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33look around at the trees and perhaps the birds singing
0:11:33 > 0:11:37will inspire you, and that thrush will wave its way down to the...
0:11:37 > 0:11:40BUZZER SOUNDS
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- Paul, you challenged.- Hesitation. - It was a hesitation, yes.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46He was keeping going magnificently,
0:11:46 > 0:11:51but there are still 10 seconds available and it's with you, Paul Merton.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53The writer's block, starting now.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Writer's block, or a desk if you prefer.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59An object you need to lean on, drawers with pencils inside,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03perhaps an eraser, and then issues of paper in front of you...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05WHISTLE AND BUZZER SOUNDS
0:12:05 > 0:12:07APPLAUSE
0:12:11 > 0:12:14So, Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17gained that extra point and the situation is
0:12:17 > 0:12:20that Julian's now in the lead. He's two points ahead of Stephen,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22three or four ahead of Paul and Shappi.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24And Paul, it's your turn to begin.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Oh, the subject - this is a fascinating one:
0:12:27 > 0:12:30"My robot butler".
0:12:30 > 0:12:3160 seconds, starting now.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34My robot butler's a marvellous invention.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38He gets me up at half past six in the morning, does a few logarithms,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40presses my trousers and then breakfast is served.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43He's called Boris and he's based on the Mayor of London.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45He walks in, a wonderful creature,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I can hear his wheels going across the wooden floorboard.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52His metallic voice croaks out to me, "Good morning, sir.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56"How'd you like a boiled egg?" And I say to him, "Of course,
0:12:56 > 0:13:00"perhaps even two of those delicious chicken products would be great."
0:13:00 > 0:13:01"How would you like it done?"
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- BUZZER SOUNDS - Julian challenged.- Two likes. - There's two people talking.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08The robot's saying one thing, I'm saying the other.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I can't control the robot.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:13 > 0:13:15No, you deserve a round of applause for that,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17but, Julian, your challenge?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Two likes.- Yes, right.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23So Julian, you've got in again with 30 seconds to go.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25"My robot butler", starting now.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27My robot butler is called...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- BUZZER SOUNDS - Paul challenged. - Was that, "Robo bubba"?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- LAUGHTER - Did it sound like that to you, Nicholas?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36It did sound like that to me, but I think he really got enough clarity.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Got enough clarity, did he? OK.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41So, Julian, the benefit of the doubt,
0:13:41 > 0:13:43and if I can redress the balance some time later, Paul,
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I'll give it back to you. You have 29 seconds,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48"robot butler", starting now.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51She looks gorgeous in dungarees
0:13:51 > 0:13:54and her hair is just about shoulder length, which is what I like.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56She's based on Abi Titmuss,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00for whom I've got an inkling that I've been a fan for many, many...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- BUZZER SOUNDS - Oh.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04LAUGHTER
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Well, lying for a start, but also... - LAUGHTER
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Big fan of...?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Repetition.- Yes, "many, many".
0:14:11 > 0:14:15So, Paul, you got in, and we're back with you on the robot butler
0:14:15 > 0:14:18and you have 17 seconds, starting now.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21I've got a robo bubba... BUZZER SOUNDS
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- What happened and buzzed then? Who buzzed then?- Shappi buzzed.- I buzzed.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Um, I'm not sure if what you said was...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I said what Julian said. This is where I get the benefit of the doubt.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34No, no. Julian was "robo bubba",
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- yours was "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba". - That's repetition.- I know it is.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39There was a lot of "ba-bas".
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- Yeah, there were too many "ba-bas"? - Too many "ba-bas". - Far too many "ba-bas".
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Shappi. You got a correct challenge, you've got 16 seconds.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47"My robot butler", starting now.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49I wish I had a robot butler.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I would polish him all day long, because...
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Just because, you're...
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- BUZZER SOUNDS - ..blah, blah.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- Stephen?- Too many "becauses", I'm afraid.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01There was "because", there was hesitation. I stammered as well.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02All sorts of stuff went wrong there.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05So, Stephen, correct challenge, ten seconds still available,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07"My robot butler," starting now.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11It's a sort of oxymoron, because "robot" is the Czech for "slave" or "serf".
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- BUZZER - Shappi, you challenged.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I'm not sure if that was right, but you kind of hesitated too much.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21There was hesitation, darling. It's all right. You've got seven seconds on "My robot butler," starting now.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25I'd take my robot butler on holiday, probably Barbados.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29I hear over there the care of robot butlers is second to none. In a way....
0:15:29 > 0:15:30WHISTLE BLOWS Very good.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35APPLAUSE
0:15:35 > 0:15:40So, Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went. Gained an extra point.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41She's moved forward,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44and she's equal with Stephen Fry and Paul Merton in second place,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47and they're all trailing Julian just by three points only.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52And Julian, we're back with you to begin. "Cabin fever."
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Tell us something about "cabin fever" in this game,
0:15:55 > 0:15:56starting now.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I know when I was in the Navy and I checked into my cabin,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02they said, "Do you want the top bunk or the lower?"
0:16:02 > 0:16:03I said, "Let me unpack, first,"
0:16:03 > 0:16:07and soon after, cabin fever struck me.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11"Please, may I open the porthole?" I cried,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13but request was denied.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17The next time I had cabin fever I was on the poop deck,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20and there's someone breathing very noisily next to me,
0:16:20 > 0:16:22very off-putting,
0:16:22 > 0:16:28and cabin fever spread like wild fire throughout the ship.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30People were falling left, right and centre.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Oh, and very, very faint... BUZZER
0:16:33 > 0:16:35AUDIENCE GROANS
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Yes, we all spotted it, Paul.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- Repetition of "very," sadly. - "Very, very," yes. It was lovely, Julian,
0:16:40 > 0:16:42but unfortunately Paul spotted the very first,
0:16:42 > 0:16:45so he's got the point, and he's got the subject.
0:16:45 > 0:16:4824 seconds available, "cabin fever," starting now.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51When I had the job of delivering Abi Titmuss's robot butler,
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I knocked on her door and she wasn't in her house,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57and I was advised to go to the end of the garden
0:16:57 > 0:17:00where she had locked herself into this meticulously built cabin.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I enquired of the gardener, who was there,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05"why is she in this particular structure?"
0:17:05 > 0:17:08He said, "Ah, she is an artiste, she has..."
0:17:08 > 0:17:09BUZZER
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Ah, Shappi challenged.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11She's not an artiste.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15LAUGHTER No, no. That's just the gardener saying that.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I don't agree, but he's been paid by her, so he's a certain amount of loyalty.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Ah, see, now I'm stuck as to whether or not I was correct or not.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24She is an actress, now, she's a bona fide actress.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Can somebody tell me who she is, because I've never heard of her.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:32 > 0:17:36There was a marvellous England spin bowler called Titmus,
0:17:36 > 0:17:38he's the only Titmus I've ever heard of.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- I didn't know... Who is Abi Titmuss? - She's an actress, she's got lovely, milky skin.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43She's beautiful, very nice skin.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47She was with a well-known television presenter for a time, and that's how she got well known.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49And we'll say no more.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50LAUGHTER
0:17:50 > 0:17:54And Shappi, he did say "she" three times.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59- He did. Well, that was my main point that I wanted to make. - LAUGHTER
0:17:59 > 0:18:01He said "she" three times quite close together.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03So, as Paul's in the lead,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05and you haven't played the game as much as anybody else...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Will I get the benefit of the doubt, Nicholas?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Yes, you have. And you've got "cabin fever,"
0:18:11 > 0:18:14with only four seconds to go, starting now.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I shared a hotel room in Paris with my mother this weekend,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and cabin fever is what both of us got.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20WHISTLE BLOWS
0:18:20 > 0:18:23APPLAUSE
0:18:23 > 0:18:26APPLAUSE DROWNS JULIAN AND STEPHEN
0:18:26 > 0:18:29So, Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Gained an extra point, and she has moved forward.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35She's equal with Stephen, one point behind Paul,
0:18:35 > 0:18:38two or three points behind Julian, who's still in the lead.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Stephen Fry, we'd like you to begin the next round.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43And the subject is "Lift etiquette."
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I suppose I'd better annunciate what we're all thinking,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53really, and that is don't let out any anal wind when you're in an elevator.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56It must be the first rule of lift etiquette.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I think it's probably true, also, that one shouldn't stare at people.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02It's generally, especially if you're English,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04considered wise to look towards the ceiling.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08There's never a hatchway, as there is in thriller films.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10But in real life, lifts are rather dull places,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12and people are embarrassed to be...
0:19:12 > 0:19:13BUZZER
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- Julian challenged. - Repetition of "people."- Yes.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Oh, yes. That's true. - Yes, yes indeed.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Well listened. - True story. Well done.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- You're concentrating like stink. - He is, isn't he? He's really on fire.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Really?
0:19:24 > 0:19:25LAUGHTER
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Sorry, I don't mean you're REALLY on fire.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Start the car, would you?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Julian, a correct challenge, which is the important thing. - Thank you.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41And you have "lift etiquette" and 34 seconds, starting now.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Every time I get in a lift, I say, "Are you going down, or shall I?"
0:19:44 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER Which seems to break the ice, and then we start chatting,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49and, generally...
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- BUZZER - Shappi challenged.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- It was hesitat-at-at-ive. Is that a word, Stephen? - Hesitation.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Well, it is now.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57LAUGHTER
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- No, he didn't actually hesitate. - He didn't. I'm sorry.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03He was teetering on it, but didn't get there. And so, Julian.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Incorrect challenge, you still have "lift etiquette."
0:20:06 > 0:20:0825 seconds, starting now.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11I enjoy going up and down in an elevator.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- BUZZER - Erm, 23, Stephen. Yes.- He went down before, if you remember.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19- LAUGHTER - So, Stephen. You have the subject of "lift etiquette."
0:20:19 > 0:20:2123 seconds available, starting now.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25I was in one of the largest and longest lifts in London, Centre Point,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28there's a nightclub at the top, there, and I got stuck one night.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31It was most embarrassing. About five of us in there.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35And I tweeted, using a new social network thing called Twitter,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37and it rather caused a fuss.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Everybody got excited about this thing, because people in newspapers published it...
0:20:42 > 0:20:43WHISTLE BLOWS
0:20:43 > 0:20:46APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:20:48 > 0:20:52So, Stephen Fry was then speaking as the whistle went.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Gained an extra point.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57And at the end of that round, he's moved forward, he's one ahead of Paul Merton,
0:20:57 > 0:21:02two ahead of Shappi, and he's trailing our leader, Julian, by three points.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04And who's turn is it to begin?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Oh, Paul, we're back with you. "Happy hour."
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12There are many happy hours throughout the day,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15perhaps one of the most earliest ones are.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16- BUZZER - Stephen challenged.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- I just find it ugly to use a double superlative, "most earliest."- Yeah.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23LAUGHTER Yeah. I hadn't used the first one out.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26It's a sort of deviation. I mean, it isn't, to be honest.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Shakespeare uses it in one of the most famous speeches in Julius Caesar,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- "The most unkindest cut of all." - LAUGHTER
0:21:31 > 0:21:34It's somehow just isn't nice style, is it?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- But we're not bothered so much about style.- Good, that's fine.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41It's about whether you can keep going without hesitating, repeating words, and so forth.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43That's perfectly all right, then.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46So, Paul, you have 55 seconds, another point, of course.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48"Happy hour," starting now.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51As the sun rises over the dew-kissed lawn,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55and the rooftops of London glisten from the overnight rain,
0:21:55 > 0:21:59one can hear the earth, in fact, the very metropolis,
0:21:59 > 0:22:04rising from its slumber and greeting the brand new 24 hours
0:22:04 > 0:22:08that lie ahead. The happy hour is often referred to
0:22:08 > 0:22:10in cocktail bars or pubs,
0:22:10 > 0:22:14where one is encouraged to become an alcoholic at half price. LAUGHTER
0:22:14 > 0:22:18And this is a fantastic inducement for those people who can
0:22:18 > 0:22:21no longer afford the hard liquor of their childhood.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I, for one, used to sup at my mother's knee.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28It wasn't very painful for her, because she had a metallic one,
0:22:28 > 0:22:32and it was magnificent, because I would see in the happy hour... BUZZER
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- Erm, Stephen challenged. - There were two "becauses" there. "It wasn't painful because..."
0:22:36 > 0:22:41So, Stephen, you have a correct challenge. And you have 12 seconds. The "happy hour." Starting now.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I would endorse everything Paul Merton just said.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46It does seem a rather cheap advertising gimmick
0:22:46 > 0:22:49and a way of getting young people drunk cheaply and early.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- BUZZER - Erm, Shappi challenged. - "Cheap" and "cheaply".
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- They're not the same words.- No, no.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Well, good job I didn't interrupt you, then.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- LAUGHTER - That would've been well embarrassing.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- But you did interrupt him, it's an incorrect challenge.- Sorry.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06No, don't apologise to me, darling. Apologise to the others. Cos he gets another point.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08SHAPPI LAUGHS
0:23:08 > 0:23:10And he has four seconds.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12"Happy hour," starting now.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I believe some of the legislature...
0:23:14 > 0:23:15- BUZZER - Erm, Julian challenged.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Repetition of "believe."
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Yes, you did say "I believe" before, yes.- He's awfully good! - LAUGHTER
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- I don't know, but it's so convincing. - I thought you probably did.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I probably did. I probably said "rather" and I probably said "people."
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Erm. You're very good at this, aren't you?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- Just calm yourself. - All right, all right. - LAUGHTER
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Julian, correct challenge. Another point to you.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39And you have three seconds only on "happy hour," starting now.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43Every hour is happy hour round at my place. Gin and tonics for all.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44WHISTLE BLOWS
0:23:44 > 0:23:47APPLAUSE
0:23:49 > 0:23:51APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:23:51 > 0:23:54So, Julian Clary was then speaking as the whistle went,
0:23:54 > 0:23:58gained an extra point, and he has increased his lead at the end of the round.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- BELL TINKLES - Oh, that little tinkle tells me something!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04PAUL: We want the nurse back?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06LAUGHTER
0:24:06 > 0:24:12No, it is actually telling us that we have time for only one more round.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13- AUDIENCE GROANS - Ooooh!
0:24:13 > 0:24:18Oh, Julian, we're back with you to begin. The subject, "Elvis."
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Tell us something about "Elvis" in this game, starting now.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24I started my career as an Elvis impersonator.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28"In The Ghetto" was my show stopper,
0:24:28 > 0:24:30and people would come from miles around to watch me
0:24:30 > 0:24:33quivering my lips and shaking the hips
0:24:33 > 0:24:36in a very Elvis fashion.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40There are some footages on YouTube, which people admire,
0:24:40 > 0:24:44and there are conventions which I turn up to in disguise as Elvis.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47And, frankly, that's all I've got to say on the matter.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48BUZZER
0:24:48 > 0:24:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- So, Paul, you got in there first. - Came to an elegant stop.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03So, we call it hesitation. Paul, you have the subject of "Elvis."
0:25:03 > 0:25:05There are 33 seconds available, starting now.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY IN ELVIS VOICE
0:25:08 > 0:25:09BUZZER
0:25:09 > 0:25:11LAUGHTER
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Julian.- Erm, repetition. "A-la-la-la-la."
0:25:14 > 0:25:15LAUGHTER
0:25:15 > 0:25:18That's Elvis Presley, that's not my fault.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19LAUGHTER
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- He was a bit more distinct than that, I think.- Was he?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24How did he sound to you?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27SINGS A MUMBLED ELVIS IMPRESSION
0:25:27 > 0:25:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:34 > 0:25:36You knew him better than I did. LAUGHTER
0:25:36 > 0:25:39So, Julian, we give the benefit of the doubt to you,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42and it is "Elvis," still with you. 31 seconds, starting now.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45People loved my "Jailhouse Rock," which wasn't particularly...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47BUZZER
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Shappi challenged.- Was it a bit hesitate-y?- Yes.- Sorry.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53So you're catching up rapidly on them now, Shappi.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57And 28 seconds still available. "Elvis," starting now.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59We hear a lot about the food Elvis liked to eat
0:25:59 > 0:26:02towards the end of his life, and a lot of people were appalled by it.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05However, I'm quite intrigued by this thing he used to have,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08an entire loaf of bread hollowed out,
0:26:08 > 0:26:12with bacon in it and loads of cheese, and grilled.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13I think that sounds delicious.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15It's a real shame that it's unhealthy.
0:26:15 > 0:26:21But I'd like an Elvis cookbook, because I think a lot of the stuff that he had, erm, would...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- BUZZER - Julian challenged.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Oh, I'm afraid you hesitated.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31I was starting to feel fat, as well, as I was talking about it, so I'm glad of that.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- You were interrupted with only three minutes to go.- Three minutes!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Oh, great!- Time's going backwards!
0:26:42 > 0:26:43PAUL: He's turned back time!
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I'll say anything to get a round of applause.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49"Hello, I'm your new milkman." He says that, sometimes.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50LAUGHTER
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Julian, you've got in, actually, with three seconds to go.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55AUDIENCE GROANS
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Which is correct, those are the rules of the game.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00And you have another point. You have "Elvis" back with you.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Three seconds, starting now.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I am still often mistaken for Elvis. I can't set foot in America... BUZZER
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Paul challenged.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09That's no compliment, he's been dead 30 years.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Really. Extraordinary.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Although, now you say it, I can see what you mean.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18LAUGHTER
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Paul, I give you a bonus point cos we enjoyed the interruption,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24but I don't know whether it's a legitimate challenge.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28There's only half a second to go. So I'll give you both a point, all right? One to Paul Merton,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- one to Julian Clary... - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:27:30 > 0:27:32And that's the end of that round.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36APPLAUSE
0:27:36 > 0:27:39So, it only remains for me to give you the final score.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42And Shappi did very well, she came in a brilliant fourth place.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44No, no, it was very, very good.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Only a few points behind Stephen Fry,
0:27:46 > 0:27:49who was in a very strong third place.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52And one point ahead was Paul Merton.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57But three points ahead of him was Julian Clary, so we say, Julian, you are our winner today.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:04 > 0:28:10So, it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12So, from this delightful audience here in Television Centre,
0:28:12 > 0:28:16and from me, Nicholas Parsons, and this wonderful team,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18we say goodbye, thank you
0:28:18 > 0:28:22and join us again the next time we play Just A Minute. Yes!
0:28:22 > 0:28:27MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin
0:28:29 > 0:28:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd