0:00:00 > 0:00:02Welcome to Just a Minute.
0:00:02 > 0:00:05APPLAUSE
0:00:12 > 0:00:17Hello, my name's Nicholas Parsons and as the Minute Waltz fades away,
0:00:17 > 0:00:23it's my great pleasure to welcome you to this special edition of Just a Minute from BBC Television Centre.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Every day I'll be joined by four fantastic guests to play this
0:00:27 > 0:00:31amazing game, the rules of which take just a minute to learn,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35but years to master. The players will try to speak for just a minute on a subject
0:00:35 > 0:00:38that I give them and they must try and do that without hesitation,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40repetition or deviation.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44And by the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48So, without further ado, please welcome the four wonderful,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51talented performers who this week are going to play Just a Minute.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54And they are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Julian Clary,
0:00:54 > 0:00:58and seated on my left, Russell Tovey and Stephen Fry.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Please welcome all four of them.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:09And to begin the show, Stephen, we'd like you to start off this time,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13and the subject is, ooh, tongue twisters.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Tell us something about that in this game starting now.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18One of my favourite tongue twisters is actually French.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23In the Gallic language, if you say 'Dido', as in Queen of Carthage,
0:01:23 > 0:01:27dined, they say, off the back of an enormous turkey,
0:01:27 > 0:01:32it's rendered as "Dido dit-on dinait d'os du dos du dodu dindon", which is not bad.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35"The seething sea ceaseth and thus sufficeth us."
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It's quite a tough one to say. BUZZER RINGS
0:01:38 > 0:01:45- Julian's challenge.- Was it? Was it repetition of 'one'?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46- Yes, you did say 'one' before. - Did I?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Yes, but I don't know why you didn't challenge him for that "D-d-d-d-d-d-d..."
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- And that as well. - That wasn't repetition. They were all different words.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57"Dido dit-on dinait d'os du dos du dodu dindon."
0:01:57 > 0:02:01APPLAUSE They're all different words.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05And that's also the theme tune to The Archers.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Julian, a correct challenge, so you get a point for that.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15You have 39 seconds still available. Tongue twisters, starting now.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I won't be doing any French tongue twisters. How about this one?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- Peter Piper picked a pack of peanuts. - BUZZER RINGS
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Oh, sorry.- Stephen?- I thought he was going to say the proper one.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I thought he had mis-said 'peck'.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- He wrongfooted me rather brilliantly there.- No, no.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Incorrect challenge. So Julian, you have another point.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37You have 32 seconds starting now.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Tongue twisters are very useful. I believe if you go to drama school,
0:02:40 > 0:02:45it teaches you how to enunciate properly which will be a boon when you take to the stage
0:02:45 > 0:02:48as part of your professional career, or in films.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52You don't want to be tripping over your words and not being able
0:02:52 > 0:02:57to talk like a proper, professional member of your profession would.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01You wouldn't get any work and your agent would phone you up and say "I'm sorry..."
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- BUZZER RINGS - Stephen's challenge.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- There were five woulds there. Too many, I think. - All right, we'd let one go,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10but there were four or five there.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Well, one's all right.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- Two is repetition. - Stephen, correct challenge.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22And you've got in cleverly with only seven seconds to go
0:03:22 > 0:03:24on tongue twisters, starting now.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28As a child, I spoke far too quickly and had to have elocution lessons
0:03:28 > 0:03:31in order to slow me down because nobody understood a word I said.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Thus, tongue twisters were something... WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:34 > 0:03:36APPLAUSE
0:03:37 > 0:03:42In this game, whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45On this occasion, it was Stephen Fry, so at the end
0:03:45 > 0:03:48of the first round, he is in the lead alongside Julian Clary.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52And let's move on. Julian, we'd like you to begin this next round, oh,
0:03:52 > 0:03:55a delightful subject, my first day at school.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- 60 seconds as usual, starting now. - I remember my first day at school.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04I wandered down the corridor and I couldn't find my classroom.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Eventually, a woman who turned out to be the headmistress,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11called Miss Kennefick, said "Boy, what's your problem?"
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Don't look at me like that. And I said,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17"Well, I'm afraid I'm lost."
0:04:17 > 0:04:22And I was then put on a trolley and taken by wheel...
0:04:22 > 0:04:24BUZZER RINGS
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Paul, you've challenged. What's your challenge?
0:04:28 > 0:04:33- Hesitation.- Yes, it was. He deserves to hesitate after that. On a wheel? You were taken by wheel?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I was on a trolley and I made that up. It just came from nowhere.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Right. It's correct, Paul. So you have a point. And 36 seconds.
0:04:43 > 0:04:49- My first day of school, starting now.- Always the first day at school seems to be a day of paranoia,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53a strange building, unusual faces, people you don't know.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56And you suddenly think, "I must pull myself together.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57"I'm the deputy headmaster."
0:04:57 > 0:05:02And so you wander across the playground and you say to the pupils arraigned in front of you,
0:05:02 > 0:05:04"You are a beautiful boy.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07"What are you doing on that trolley? Take that wheel." And they do.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10And I noticed that all the other pupils around me look up to me
0:05:10 > 0:05:14and they say, "You are the backbone of this educational institution. You..."
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- BUZZER RINGS - ..are repeating yourself.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Julian, yes.- Repetition of "you".
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Yeah, yeah, you.- Very much emphasised there. So, Julian.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26You can't keep your eyes off me, can you?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Do you know, you're the only heterosexual on this panel?
0:05:31 > 0:05:32- Is that right, Nicholas?- No.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36APPLAUSE
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- That was a moment, wasn't it? - It was.- I was thrown for a minute.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I didn't know whether to say yes or no.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55You've cleverly got in with three seconds to go.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57On my first day at school, starting now.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00No-one explains where the lavatory is on these occasions and yes,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- it's true, there was an accident. - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:06:03 > 0:06:06APPLAUSE
0:06:08 > 0:06:12So Julian Clary was then speaking as the whistle went
0:06:12 > 0:06:15and gains that extra point. At the end of the round, he's in the lead
0:06:15 > 0:06:18but only just, ahead of Stephen Fry, Paul Merton
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and Russell in that order. Russell, I want you to start the next round.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24The subject is 'Things that go bump in the night.'
0:06:24 > 0:06:2860 seconds as usual and your time starts now.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34Crash, bang, kapow, zing, wallop. These are all noises,
0:06:34 > 0:06:38but we're here to talk about things that go bang - bump! BUZZER RINGS
0:06:38 > 0:06:43Oh! I was on a roll. That's me mute for the rest of the show now.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Julian, you challenged first.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Well, it was repetition of bang, but let him keep the subject.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52- I'd rather you did. - I think they're all going to be generous and let you continue.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Oh, really. Oh, thanks.- First time you've ever played the game.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59- So lean forward, so it looks as if you're more involved. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:01 > 0:07:04And you've got 50 seconds, things that go bump in the night.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Starting now.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09So we're here to talk about things that go bump in the night.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Have you ever woken in your bed, sweating, twitching,
0:07:13 > 0:07:18crying for your mum? This is me every night. I roll over.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19BUZZER RINGS
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Um, Julian challenged.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24I just want to point out pausing is also not to be encouraged.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25LAUGHTER
0:07:25 > 0:07:29You speak quite... I don't want the subject, but...
0:07:29 > 0:07:32They're being very generous and they want you to continue in order to get some practice,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35so lean forward, lean forward...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- And there are 38 seconds still, if you want them.- Yes, I'd love them.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Things that go bump in the night, starting now.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47I find it terrifying to know what's underneath my bed.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49When I was a child, I really enjoyed the movie Gremlins,
0:07:49 > 0:07:55but I believed that they lived behind my parents' door and in their wardrobes.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58So I rarely went in there. BUZZER RINGS
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Yes, Paul.- A natural conclusion.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Yes, I think that pause was so long I'll have to give it.- I'm sorry.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Also, could you lean forward?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I'll be hanging off the edge.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16It does look as if you're more involved, Russell, that's the reason.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19I couldn't be any more further forward!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- No, no, that was a joke on Julian's part.- Oh, sorry.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- That was his strange sense of humour.- It's one of my catchphrases.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Oh, I see.- Another point to Julian.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34- Paul...- What?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- It's all right.- Hello. You can't keep your eyes off me, can you?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- Hello.- Hello.- One at a time, please, do you mind forming a queue?
0:08:42 > 0:08:46It's that jacket, Paul, I've never seen you in such a smart...
0:08:46 > 0:08:49It's not the jacket. I think I've seen THAT jacket before.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Yes, I have.- It was a deckchair in Littlehampton, wasn't it?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56I don't mind if you make jokes at my expense, if they get laughs.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I've been the straight man to many comedians.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I know how to take it and come back. I don't know where we were, but...
0:09:01 > 0:09:07- Paul, I think you had the correct challenge.- Yes, I think so.- Yeah.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11And there are 25 seconds still available. Things that go bump in the night, starting now.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Things that go bump in the night,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15often essential ingredients in ghost stories.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19One thinks of those Victorian classics,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- women out on the moors, in sc... Oh! - BUZZER RINGS
0:09:21 > 0:09:24What was I trying to say? Ensconced, I think.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- It didn't come out.- It didn't come out.- Julian, challenge.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- Oh, hesitation.- So you've got the subject of things that go bump in the night.
0:09:31 > 0:09:3315 seconds, starting now.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I live in a very old house in the country, a farmhouse,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- and there are all kinds of things. - Stephen, challenge.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It's sort of a moot point, isn't it, whether a house and a farmhouse
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- is house repeated or not. - Anybody in the audience know?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48LAUGHS AND SHOUTS
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- I think...- It is one word. Farmhouse is one word.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- It's an incorrect challenge.- I think it was.- Julian has another point.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58You have 11 seconds, things that go bump in the night, starting now.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02I heard this scratching under my bed. Turns out it was a badger going bump.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I said "What's your business here under my boudoir?"
0:10:05 > 0:10:09And it happened to be...
0:10:09 > 0:10:11BUZZER RINGS
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- Well, it's very distracting.- What?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17You doing all this, while I'm trying to speak.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Would you prefer me to wait in the van?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23So what's the challenge, Paul?
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Hesitation. Gross hesitation, in fact. Gross hesitation.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34The thing is, Paul, I'm rather reluctant to give it to you
0:10:34 > 0:10:36because there's only half a second ago.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41So, to be fair to Julian, as you were putting him off slightly, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46- By putting my hand on my hip? And that put you off?- I know your game.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I didn't come here to be insulted.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- Shall we carry on?- You've got half a second, starting now.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Things that go bump. - BUZZER RINGS
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- Paul, challenge.- Hesitation.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:00 > 0:11:03So it's only fair that you both get a point.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Julian, you got one just then. Paul, I'm going to give him one just now. So that evens it out.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10You've both got benefits of the doubt. You've got a quarter of a second to go.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Things that go bump in the night, starting now.- Bump.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14WHISTLE BLOWS
0:11:14 > 0:11:18APPLAUSE
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Right.- Was I really putting you off?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27So at the end of the round, the situation is that Julian Clary is now out in the lead.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29He's three points ahead of Paul Merton.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Then it's Stephen Fry and then Russell Tovey in that order.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37And Paul, we'd like you to begin the next round. A bad hair day.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Will you tell us something about that subject, in this game,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- starting now.- At Wimbledon greyhound track the other week, they said,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46"Unfortunately, the meeting has been cancelled."
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- I said "Why?" "Well, we have a bad hare day. The automatic hare." - GROANS
0:11:50 > 0:11:53What are you groaning at, you weren't there.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54The automatic hare won't come out."
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- BUZZER RINGS - Stephen, challenge.- Repetition of automatic.- Right, correct challenge.
0:11:59 > 0:12:0349 seconds to tell us something about a bad hair day, starting now.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Almost every day's a bad hair day for me.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I have hair that just sort of spreads out and can't lie down properly.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10It needs a great deal of attention,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14and no matter how I have it cut it seems peculiar in the way it behaves.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18If I'd do a documentary series, for example, you travel around the world,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21and it's sort of edited together in different ways,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23so I go from a crew cut to a great,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26massive James May look to some other hideous appearance.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I really do dislike the way my hair behaves.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33There's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I could shave it off. That used to be a fashion.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37I call that a bad baldness day. That's just not acceptable.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40So I have to live with it. It's some of the...worst... BUZZER SOUNDS
0:12:40 > 0:12:41GROANS
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- Julian challenged.- Oh, hesitation. - yes, I think it was a hesitation.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Julian, you've got in on a bad hair day. Nine seconds, starting now.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I had a bad hair day in 1989. It just wouldn't sit right.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Well, I cried for a week.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58But since then, bad hair days have been a stranger to me,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01unlike some people that I could mention
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- of the heterosexual persuasion. - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:13:04 > 0:13:06APPLAUSE
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Do you mean him, over there?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15Julian Clary was speaking as the whistle went and gets an extra point.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19And you have increased your lead at the end of that round, Julian.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Stephen, I'd like you to begin the next round. Great inventions.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Tell us something about that subject.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- 60 seconds, starting now.- Perhaps the greatest invention of my lifetime
0:13:28 > 0:13:30took place in the late '80s and early '90s
0:13:30 > 0:13:33at the Centre Europeenne de Recherche Nucleaire,
0:13:33 > 0:13:38or CERN, in Switzerland, where a young British computer scientist called Tim Berners-Lee
0:13:38 > 0:13:40invented the World Wide Web.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43His original name for it was The Information Mine, but being
0:13:43 > 0:13:47a modest fellow, he realised those initials spelt out his actual name.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49That has been hugely, hugely influential.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53BUZZER RINGS Twice. Damn.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- Paul, you challenged first.- It was hugely, hugely.- Hugely, hugely.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Paul, tell us something about great inventions. 36 seconds available.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05So many great inventions seem to have occurred in the last 100 years or so.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07If we look at the invention of cinema, which itself
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- sprang from the techniques of the magic linetern shows, we can see... - BUZZER RINGS
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- Stephen Fry.- There really is no such word as linetern.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Oh, I'm sorry, was the 19th-century pronunciation putting you off?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I was being too erudite.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Wonderful attempt to get out of it, but it was.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Magical lantern, it should have been. Yes, Stephen, you got in with another correct challenge.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35And there are 27 seconds, great inventions, starting now.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Without wishing to seem sycophantic, to be perfectly honest,
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Ian Messiter, 45 years ago,
0:14:39 > 0:14:43invented a game called Just a Minute, which has entertained the nation
0:14:43 > 0:14:44for all that time.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48And not one episode has not been presented by this man here.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49BUZZER RINGS
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Julian, you challenge. - Repetition of 'not'.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I know, but I'd like him to finish.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57APPLAUSE Yes, I mean, it's pretty amazing, isn't it?
0:15:00 > 0:15:05Yes, every single show. I did the pilot and I'm still doing it.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- How many episodes is it?- 850. - Good Lord. Round of applause.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11APPLAUSE
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- And do you think you're getting the hang of it?- Slowly, Paul.- I think you are.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- I really think you're improving. - You think so?- Yes.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I think you've got it now.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27So, Julian, your challenge, just remind me?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- Repetition of 'not'. - Yes. Unfortunately, not.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- A double negative.- A tough challenge, but correct. - He's a tough man, a tough man.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Julian, you have...
0:15:35 > 0:15:40- Talk about me as if I'm not in the room.- Julian, great inventions.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45- Seven seconds starting now.- The telephone is a fantastic invention.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50- I speak to my mother every day at least once and she informs me. - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:15:50 > 0:15:53APPLAUSE
0:15:55 > 0:15:58So Julian Clary was speaking as the whistle went
0:15:58 > 0:16:00and gains an extra point.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04And Julian, it's your turn to begin. Around the campfire.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07LAUGHTER
0:16:10 > 0:16:1360 seconds as usual, starting now.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I sit around the campfire generally waiting for my Billy to boil.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And you would be surprised how quickly this occurs.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24There is this hissing sound and I think, "Here comes Daddy."
0:16:24 > 0:16:26And while I'm around the campfire.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28BUZZER RINGS
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Paul challenged.
0:16:30 > 0:16:36Well, it's just nonsense, isn't it? "Here comes Daddy"? Hesitation.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38There was a hesitation.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41You have around the campfire, 45 seconds, starting now.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I remember going camping, I was about nine years old,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46with the Catholic Church. They'd organised it,
0:16:46 > 0:16:50and so I went along with some fellow pupils roughly my age.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53And there was a campfire and the tents were placed all around this
0:16:53 > 0:16:59magnificent, burning, fiery furnace, and we would soak up the heat
0:16:59 > 0:17:02and also look to our fellow candidates.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- BUZZER RINGS - Stephen challenged.- You had said fellow before, haven't you?- Did I?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- Yes, I think I did.- And Stephen, you listened well, you got in there.
0:17:10 > 0:17:1524 seconds are still available around the campfire, starting now.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I was never a Cub or a Scout, that didn't ever appeal to me. BUZZER RINGS
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- Julian challenged. - It was an involuntary spasm.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25But, can you lean forward?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28APPLAUSE
0:17:31 > 0:17:35- I didn't want to block the view.- No, I was thinking 'ever' and 'never',
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- and I was wrong.- No, it was a mistake. Stephen has another point.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43You have 20 seconds, the subject, around the campfire, starting now.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47There's a great comic scene in Mel Brooks' film Blazing Saddles
0:17:47 > 0:17:50where the cowboys are all around the campfire eating beans
0:17:50 > 0:17:54and then slowly one after the other they lift their thighs.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58An explosion of wind occurs which lasts about 20 seconds, it seems.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00At the time, it was amazing.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- BUZZER RINGS - Julian challenged.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- "De time." He said "at de time." - Did I?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09At de time? At de time?
0:18:09 > 0:18:14I understand, no, no. Julian, I think that's a little bit pedantic.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16You've got three seconds. Time starts now.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20It's where humanity began to tell stories and explain the way the universe works.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21WHISTLE BLOWS
0:18:21 > 0:18:24APPLAUSE
0:18:26 > 0:18:31So, Stephen Fry was then speaking, and gains that extra point.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33And he's moved forward. He is now in second place.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Julian Clary, still in the lead, two or three points ahead of Stephen,
0:18:36 > 0:18:40then Paul Merton, one behind. Russell's trailing just a little.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Stephen's turn to begin. The subject is 'The portrait in my attic'.
0:18:44 > 0:18:4760 seconds starting now.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I think it's a reference to A Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde,
0:18:50 > 0:18:54though in fact, in that novel, the picture is... BUZZER RINGS
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Russell's challenge. - Yeah, hesitation.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59APPLAUSE
0:18:59 > 0:19:01It was, it was.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Whether it's correct or not, I think this audience thinks it's correct.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11They're with me. Thank you very much.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Russell, you have the subject of 'The portrait in my attic',
0:19:13 > 0:19:1652 seconds starting now.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18There are various portraits in my attic,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21lots of my dead relatives have been painted over the years
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- and put in gilt frames and hung on walls. - BUZZER RINGS
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Your dead relatives have been painted,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30and hung in frames?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33What sort of bizarre Satanic ritual is this?
0:19:37 > 0:19:42A portrait is one thing, but hanging your dead...?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Well, we loved your interruption,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48and you get a bonus point for that, but Russell was interrupted.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- And you're keeping going on the subject quite well.- Thanks.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56So the subject is still 'The portrait in my attic',
0:19:56 > 0:19:5845 seconds starting now.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01So looking at the timeline of members past,
0:20:01 > 0:20:06they were immortalised by artists, famous or not, of the day.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08They were great...works.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09BUZZER
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Who did that?
0:20:10 > 0:20:15- Well, there was a bit of a gap. - So, Paul, correct challenge.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18The portrait in my attic, 35 seconds, starting now.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23The portrait in my attic, as Stephen remarks, is referring to The Picture of Dorian Gray...
0:20:23 > 0:20:24BUZZER
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- Stephen.- No, I was referring to the opposite. It is a mistake to believe there was a picture in the attic.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- It was in the schoolroom...- Was it? - ..not in the attic.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- Oh.- You have to read the book to discover that.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- It's kept in the schoolroom. - So why has the attic come about?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40It's just one of those things. People didn't read the book clearly.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42They know it's in an upper room.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45These days, some people don't have schoolrooms
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- upstairs in their house...- Yes(!)
0:20:48 > 0:20:52- ..because...- Some of them got turned into comprehensives.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Exactly. We live in a different time. Autre temps, autre moeurs.- I see.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- It's the schoolroom, not the attic. - Interesting.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00But we refer to it as the portrait in the attic.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- You do but you're wrong to. That's the point. It's deviating. - I think we should move on now.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06LAUGHTER
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- It's getting a little bogged down. - It's for the best.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- No, I love it when we have these little frissons.- Absolutely.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17But, Stephen, you can definitely have it. There are 31 seconds,
0:21:17 > 0:21:19the portrait in my attic, starting now.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21So it is cum-ingly meant to be...
0:21:21 > 0:21:22BUZZER
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Cum-ingly?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Cum-ingly, Cuv-entry, Mont-gum-ery. That's just the way we talk.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31- You're wriggling very well but it's not right. What's your challenge? - Deviation. He said cum-ingly.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Unless that some word from Oxbridge we don't know about.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- Correct challenge, Julian. - Uxbridge?!
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Did you say Uxbridge?!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43That's where I went.
0:21:43 > 0:21:4629 seconds, the portrait in my attic, Julian, starting now.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48The portrait in MY attic is by Damien Hirst.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52I wasn't best pleased when I looked at it the other day and it was covered in spots.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55So I phoned up the artist and said, "What's all this about?"
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Apparently, it's his technique it's his...
0:21:58 > 0:21:59BUZZER
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Paul, challenge.- Repetition of "it's his."- Followed by a pause.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06The funny thing is, if anyone knows about Damien Hirst's technique,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08it's Russell Tovey. You're quite a big collector?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Not of Damien Hirst but I collect art. I wish I did have a Damien Hirst.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13- You don't?- No, I wish I'd got in there. Do you?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Would you two mind if we got on with the show?- Sorry, sorry.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I've got a Damien Hirst which I've hung above the mantelpiece.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21It's actually him.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Painted him up and everything.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Paul...- One-person's clapping.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Don't do that on your own, somebody will throw you a fish.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34All coming out tonight, aren't they? You still here?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36- Paul?- Yes, go on then.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38You've got a correct challenge and you have 18 seconds.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41The portrait in my attic, starting now.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44The portrait in my attic is a chalk drawing of myself when I was eight-years-old,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47as I looked when I attended Butlins holiday camp in Clacton.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I remember the artist now.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53He sat me down on the chair, he looked me in the eyes,
0:22:53 > 0:22:57"This would be a challenge, to capture such intense beauty,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59"it's almost beyond my skills but I've..."
0:22:59 > 0:23:01WHISTLE
0:23:01 > 0:23:05APPLAUSE
0:23:05 > 0:23:08So, Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went
0:23:08 > 0:23:11and gained that extra point for doing so.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12The situation is...
0:23:12 > 0:23:14BELL TINKLES
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Ooh, are we having a seance?
0:23:16 > 0:23:21I always think a little ice-cream van is going to come by then.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24The same bell we used to have when we were young with the ice cream van.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Did you ever have that? - When the all clear sounded?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Ding ding ding.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37It means that we've only time for one more round.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Are we not having a seance? - No, no seance.- Oh.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43And whose turn is it to begin? Oh, it's Julian. You're in the lead.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Here's the subject, keep going and you'll stay there.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50As we go into the final round, Julian is one point ahead of Paul Merton
0:23:50 > 0:23:52and three points ahead of Stephen.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Russell has a job to catch up in this last round.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58But not to worry, Russell, your contribution is what matters.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Yes.- Not the points. Right.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER
0:24:04 > 0:24:06And, Julian, the subject is...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Marie Antoinette.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13What a glorious, historical subject. 60 seconds, starting now.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Marie Antoinette, of course, had a very fortunate life,
0:24:16 > 0:24:19up to a point, and that was when she was beheaded
0:24:19 > 0:24:22for offering people cake. Well, I can quite understand...
0:24:22 > 0:24:23BUZZER
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- Russell, challenge. - Hesitation, kind of.- Kind of?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- I'm just desperate to get in as well so...- I understand.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33We're desperate to hear from you!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- So you've got 50 seconds, if you want it...- Oh, God.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39..on Marie Antoinette, starting now.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Marie Antoinette was one of the most famous people
0:24:43 > 0:24:46to have her head cut off, alongside Anne Boleyn
0:24:46 > 0:24:50and Charles I. This happened because up to a point,
0:24:50 > 0:24:52as my right honourable gentleman was saying earlier,
0:24:52 > 0:24:56she was liked and then disliked by the French people,
0:24:56 > 0:25:00because she was Austrian and they didn't like them.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01They were an enemy.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- Stephen.- Too many likes, really. There were quite a lot of likes.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I didn't mean to...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- I feel... I feel like a bully now. - It's all right.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- I'll sit back and just... - Lean forwards.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I'll make a deliberate mistake.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Even if you don't say much, you might as well be in the programme.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21LAUGHTER
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Stephen gives a correct challenge so we give you the point
0:25:25 > 0:25:28and Marie Antoinette is the subject, 29 seconds, starting now.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Indeed, she was Austrian. The French called her when they started to dislike her as you said,
0:25:33 > 0:25:38L'autre-chienne, which meant "Austrian bitch" in French which is a very nasty insult
0:25:38 > 0:25:39because she was not popular.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41BUZZER
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- Paul, challenge.- Repetition of French?- There was, French twice.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- And a swear word. - And a swear word, right.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52But a French one so there'll be letters from French people.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:25:57You could have said French letters but you didn't so that was good.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59That joke was not explored. Well done.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Paul, you have 18 seconds.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Tell us something about Marie Antoinette, starting now.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Marie Antoinette is the name of my cat. She's a beautiful creature.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Half-Persian and 50%... - Julian challenged.- No...no.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15LAUGHTER
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Oh, that's good enough for me(!) What do you mean, no?
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Obviously, I thought you were going to say half again as you nearly did.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24You were anticipating...
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- Exactly.- Half Persian and half... - And I hate myself for it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32- Why?- Because he didn't say half. - Only hate yourself because you've given Paul another point.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- That's why he hates himself.- Ah.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Now you're going to win. - No, I'm not.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40That's the last thing that should happen.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Julian, it was an incorrect challenge.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44So, Paul, you have another point.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47You have 13 seconds, Marie Antoinette, starting now.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49The litter tray is placed by the back door.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Her expectant eyes look up at me and I say, "Yes, it's time to play."
0:26:53 > 0:26:58And so we pull back the curtains, she looks down the end of the garden
0:26:58 > 0:27:00and her rather haughty nose and says to me...
0:27:00 > 0:27:02WHISTLE
0:27:02 > 0:27:06APPLAUSE
0:27:06 > 0:27:11So, Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went...
0:27:11 > 0:27:14gained that extra point.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17A little while ago when that tinkle occurred, it was the last round.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20So let me give you the final score. Russell Tovey
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- who's never played the game before came...- Last.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24..last.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27He actually didn't come last, he came in fourth place.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31If there were five people, he would have come fifth.
0:27:31 > 0:27:37Stephen, who does so well usually, came in third place.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41Out in the lead, two points ahead of Julian Clary was Paul Merton.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44So we say, Paul, you are the winner today.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:46 > 0:27:49You were right. I did win.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Then it remains for me to say a final thank you
0:27:52 > 0:27:55to these four fine players of the game.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58So from this delightful audience here in Television Centre
0:27:58 > 0:28:01and from me, Nicholas Parsons, and this wonderful team,
0:28:01 > 0:28:05goodbye, thank you and do join us again the next day we play
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Just A Minute.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10APPLAUSE
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd