0:00:02 > 0:00:04Welcome to Just a Minute!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07MUSIC: "Waltz in D flat major, Op. 64, No. 1" by Chopin
0:00:07 > 0:00:11Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Oh, thank you!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Thank you, thank you!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22And as the Minute Waltz fades away, it is my great pleasure
0:00:22 > 0:00:24to welcome you to this special edition of Just A Minute
0:00:24 > 0:00:27from BBC Television Centre.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30After 45 years of entertaining via the radio
0:00:30 > 0:00:36we thought it was about time to perform for your viewing pleasure.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Without further ado, please welcome to the show four talented
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and delightful performers and they are, seated on my right,
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Paul Merton and Sue Perkins and seated on my left,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Ruth Jones and Marcus Brigstocke. Please welcome all four of them!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:58The players will try to speak for just a minute on a subject I give.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02They must try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05The other three panellists can challenge at any time,
0:01:05 > 0:01:08and if I uphold the challenge they gain a point and take the subject.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11If not, the person speaking gains a point and keeps the subject.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13We go on like that until the whistle goes.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16And, by the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21Paul, the subject here is Common Misconceptions.
0:01:21 > 0:01:2460 seconds as usual, starting now.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Humphrey Bogart in Play it Again Sam, which wasn't the name of the film, it was Casablanca.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31He never said those words, in fact. That's a Common Misconception.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34"School days are the happiest of your life",
0:01:34 > 0:01:37is something people often say as well,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40as if somehow the misery of being in some educational establishment
0:01:40 > 0:01:43where your name may be construed by other students
0:01:43 > 0:01:45who turn it into some... BUZZER
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- Ruth challenged.- How does one construe or misconstrue a name?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50I dunno. AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- This has got very metaphysical very quickly!- I know.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- What's your challenge? - What's your challenge, darling?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59That what you propose is actually impossible.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I'd better shut up for the rest of the show then, hadn't I?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Ruth, as you've never played the game before,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I'm going to be generous and give you the benefit of the doubt
0:02:12 > 0:02:13and give a correct challenge.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17You have a point for that and it's Common Misconceptions.
0:02:17 > 0:02:1940 seconds still available, starting now.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22There's a very Common Misconception in my household
0:02:22 > 0:02:25and that is that I can do housework.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28It's not something that I'm particularly allergic to,
0:02:28 > 0:02:30it's just that I don't ever want to do it,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33so what I tend to do is try and get
0:02:33 > 0:02:35other people in my household to do it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- BUZZER - Repetition of "household".- Yes.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- Like a second home owner. - And also, "do". Yes, right.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45So, Marcus, a correct challenge. You take over the subject. You get a point for that.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Common Misconceptions, starting now.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51John McCririck, the racing commentator, is both common
0:02:51 > 0:02:53and was misconceived.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER I don't like him.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57This is a misconception that people have.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59WHISTLE BLOWS
0:02:59 > 0:03:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:03 > 0:03:07As I said earlier, that whistle tells us 60 seconds have elapsed
0:03:07 > 0:03:09and whoever is speaking then gets an extra point
0:03:09 > 0:03:11and it was Marcus Brigstocke,
0:03:11 > 0:03:12who's naturally in the lead.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Marcus, we'd like you to begin the next round.- OK.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17And the subject is Night School.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Can anyone tell us about Night School in this game, starting now.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I am very glad to have this subject
0:03:24 > 0:03:28because I actually went to Knight School with Sir Galahad.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31And it was there that I was first shown how to put on armour
0:03:31 > 0:03:35and charge around the country on behalf of King Arthur
0:03:35 > 0:03:37in a search for the Holy Grail.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Knight School is an enjoyable place if you have a lance and a pony.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45And other than that, I would say that it's mainly
0:03:45 > 0:03:49filled up with very lonely people, trying to meet other...
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- BUZZER - Sue, you've challenged. - Repetition of "very".- Yes.- Yes.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Very, very.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - So, correct challenge.
0:03:55 > 0:03:5933 seconds. Tell us about Night School in this game, starting now.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Marcus's Knight School isn't so interesting if you're a lady.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05You have to hang around like Guinevere and grow your hair,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07sometimes wear a pointy hat and wait on a turret
0:04:07 > 0:04:12for a man to come and rescue you, preferably with a white charger.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Now, when I see said beautiful albino pony coming towards me,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- I know that safety is at hand. I will once again be able to... - BUZZER
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Paul, challenge.- Have we strayed a little way from Night School?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24LAUGHTER
0:04:24 > 0:04:29- A major stray from it.- Yes. Yes. - Nowhere near Night School as far as I was concerned.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I was on a turret, overlooking Night School!
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- LAUGHTER - You didn't establish that night was the night beginning with a "k".
0:04:36 > 0:04:38LAUGHTER
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Don't be strict with me, Nicholas. - I'm not strict, darling.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Keep the love alive! - LAUGHTER
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- Not another one, Nicholas.- Yes, yes. - LAUGHTER
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- Over 45 years, no-one's been safe. - Girl in every port.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55On every show.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Right. - LAUGHTER
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Oh. Paul, correct challenge.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04You have Night School, 14 seconds, starting now.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I never attended Night School.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I suppose I went to some evening classes round about 1980.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13There were acting lessons taught at Sutton Library
0:05:13 > 0:05:16by this gentleman who sold fridges during the day.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19And I went along and I didn't really pick up a great deal.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23WHISTLE BLOWS
0:05:23 > 0:05:26APPLAUSE
0:05:27 > 0:05:31So Paul Merton, speaking while the whistle went, gained an extra point.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35He's moved forward and he's in second place but it's early days, isn't it?
0:05:35 > 0:05:41- Sue Perkins.- Yes.- Will you begin the next round? The subject, Whodunnit?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Tell us something about Whodunnit in this game, starting now.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45The word "whodunnit"
0:05:45 > 0:05:48refers to a plot-heavy crime thriller
0:05:48 > 0:05:51that reached its peak in the 1920s.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53It's quintessentially a British genre
0:05:53 > 0:05:56and I would say its greatest exponent is Agatha Christie,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59who pioneered the use of the locked room.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05There is essentially a space that no-one can get in or out of,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08in which she piled it high with stock characters
0:06:08 > 0:06:13such as the American industrial magnate, the young floozy,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- the ingenue, the virginal young boy who was yet... - BUZZER
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Oh, yes, Marcus.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- Repetition of "young". - There was two "young", yes.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- AUDIENCE GROANS Very good, though.- Thank you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Very enjoyable.- Very good!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Sorry! LAUGHTER
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- You've spoilt it for everyone. - I know.- We were enjoying that.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35It's a game. LAUGHTER
0:06:35 > 0:06:40And, Marcus, you had a correct challenge and you've got 26 seconds.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Tell us about Whodunnit, starting now.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44When I was growing up, the question of Whodunnit
0:06:44 > 0:06:48was normally answered by my father, who'd say, "It was the dog."
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Everybody would move away from the dog and towards...
0:06:50 > 0:06:54- BUZZER - Oh yes, of course. - The "dog", twice.- Double dog.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Sue, you challenged first. - Repetition of "dog".
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Yes, the dog came in twice. Sue, you have the dog. No, you don't.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- You have Whodunnit. - LAUGHTER
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I'll have whatever you give me, Nicholas.
0:07:06 > 0:07:0918 seconds, Sue, starting now.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12There are great Whodunnit writers, Dorothy L Sayers, Ruth Rendell.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I've mentioned, obviously, the most famous,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18whose creation, Hercule Poirot, the moustached Belgian,
0:07:18 > 0:07:23remains foremost in our minds when we think of a person
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- most likely to detect a crime. - BUZZER
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- Paul, you want in.- I disagree. I'd say Sherlock Holmes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31LAUGHTER
0:07:32 > 0:07:36He comes to mind before Hercule Poirot.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Matter of opinion, of course.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Or Brian Paddick, as well.- Yes. - Poirot, Paddick, Holmes.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- They're all very much of a type. - I know.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48And Paul, you've got in with one second to go.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50AUDIENCE GROANS
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I'm sorry, I withdraw my challenge. LAUGHTER
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- It's a matter of opinion, who you think is the best.- It is.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59And she has an incorrect challenge and as I said before,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01one second to go, starting now.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06- Miss Marple would be furious because she thinks she's the best detective. - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:08:06 > 0:08:08APPLAUSE
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Sue Perkins was speaking as the whistle went, gaining the extra point.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And at the end of that round, she's taken the lead, one ahead of Paul.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Paul, I'm sure this has been chosen for you cos you did a programme about it.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25Ibiza. Tell us something about that place in this game, starting now.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26You're quite right.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30It was the subject of a travelogue I did this year. Ibiza's where I went.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34The great island paradise that people sometimes see as the ultimate party destination,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37but when you see beyond the clubs that are there,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40you realise it's a beautiful island full of history... BUZZER
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- Sue, challenge.- Repetition of "island".- Yes.- Oh yes, of course.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Sue, you were listening well.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50You got in with 45 seconds to go on Ibiza, starting now.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Last time I went to Ibiza, Paul Merton was there making a documentary.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56He was dressed scantily in Lycra,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58doing a seemingly sexual dance which involved...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- BUZZER - Ruth challenged.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I think that is quite disturbing for the audience.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That actual image.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10It was actually nothing disturbing about seeing Paul
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- at full tilt on the dance floor. - Really?- Yeah.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16I saw the programme, I don't think he ever wore Lycra.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21No. It was worse than that! LAUGHTER
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- This was in his spare time.- Ruth, we give you the benefit of the doubt.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29You have 37 seconds on Ibiza, starting now.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I went to Ibiza when I was four years of age.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36It was the first holiday that I ever was taken on by my parents,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39who also had two boys that they took with them,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42who were my brothers, and also a sister,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45who was not yet born, but she was inside my mother's belly...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- BUZZER - Sue's challenged.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I thought repetition of "mother" but I'm wrong.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Um, I think yes, it might have been a repetition of "mother".
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Yes. She said she went with her mother.- A crisis of confidence.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00I've overcome it now. Repetition of "mother"!
0:10:00 > 0:10:03She mentioned "mother" twice. Sue, you were listening well.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05You've got in with 21 seconds on Ibiza, starting now.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I've actually never been to Ibiza, truth be told.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10It...strikes fear into my heart because...
0:10:10 > 0:10:15- BUZZER - Ruth challenged.- Hesitation. - A little bit of hesitation.- Yeah.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Ruth, you had a correct challenge so you have the subject of Ibiza.
0:10:18 > 0:10:2117 seconds, still, starting now.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Ibiza is surrounded by water, as is the case with many islands.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28And in fact, you can jump off all sorts of sides of the island,
0:10:28 > 0:10:29especially in Ibiza.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- BUZZER - Marcus challenge. - Repetition of island.- Yes, again!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I thought wasn't it islands and island? Plural and single.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- AUDIENCE: Ooh!- Yes, you're right. - LAUGHTER
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- It was intentional. - LAUGHTER
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- So, Marcus, an incorrect challenge. - Yes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50So Ruth Jones has another point and she's still got the subject
0:10:50 > 0:10:53and she's eight seconds still to go on Ibiza, starting now.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56In Ibiza you can buy the most delicious chocolate ice-cream.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- I don't know why it is so different from other glasses or types of... - BUZZER
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Marcus challenged. - Even in French, that's glace!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:10APPLAUSE
0:11:10 > 0:11:13So deviation from any recognised language.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15LAUGHTER
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Searching for a way to say ice-cream, wanting to say glace
0:11:18 > 0:11:20but Marcus, you've cleverly got in with one second to go.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22AUDIENCE GROANS
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- You've won no friends in this audience. - LAUGHTER
0:11:25 > 0:11:27But you've got the subject and another point, of course,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29and you have one second.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- Ibiza, starting now.- I've been to Pacha, I was much too old for it.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36WHISTLE BLOWS
0:11:36 > 0:11:37APPLAUSE
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Marcus Brigstocke was speaking when the whistle went.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48He's moved forward, he's equal with Paul Merton in second place.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51They're behind Sue Perkins, who's in the lead.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Marcus will begin the next round.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54- The subject is Chat Up Lines. - Oh, 'ello.
0:11:54 > 0:12:00I'm sure you have many for us. 60 seconds, as usual, starting now.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I've never really been smooth enough to pull off the chat up line,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06but I have been studying one of the great masters
0:12:06 > 0:12:09and that is, of course, Mr Nicholas Parsons,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11who just before we began playing this evening
0:12:11 > 0:12:15turned to the panellist sitting immediately to my right and said, "Was your father a thief?"
0:12:15 > 0:12:19At which point, Ruth punched him immediately in the face
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- and Nicholas lay on the floor... - BUZZER
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Paul.- Sadly, repetition of Nicholas. - Hmm.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Nothing sad about that. The world needs more of them.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28LAUGHTER
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Yes, I'm quite enjoying it. Yes. But it wasn't true, of course.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35She didn't punch me! She wouldn't punch somebody.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I was telling her how glorious she looked!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I wasn't chancing my arm, don't misunderstand me.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43You're a silver fox!
0:12:43 > 0:12:48I've reached the age where you can do a provocative chat up line and they know you're no threat!
0:12:48 > 0:12:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- Right, Paul, you had a correct challenge.- Oh, do I? Right.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Chat Up Lines. 39 seconds, starting now.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04"Is that a demob suit you're wearing?"
0:13:04 > 0:13:08would be the ultimate anti- chat up line, because it wouldn't impress anybody.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Ise wasn't mm-...a bit like Marcus... BUZZER
0:13:10 > 0:13:15- You said, "Ise wasn't."- Sorry, yes. - You hesitated.- Sorry, yes.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I'm working class. I do apologise. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I'm awfully sorry.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27I don't think it matters what class you are, I think it's bad grammar.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28It is, isn't it?
0:13:28 > 0:13:33Ruth has a correct challenge and she has 32 seconds on Chat Up Lines, Ruth, starting now.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37The worst chat up line I ever heard was when somebody said to me,
0:13:37 > 0:13:40"Do you want to get out of those wet clothes?"
0:13:40 > 0:13:42BUZZER
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- Sue challenged.- Hesitation! - SHE LAUGHS
0:13:46 > 0:13:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:48 > 0:13:53- Darling, will you explain to me, what was that about?- Well, it's...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56That's hot stuff, Nicholas. Like, tsss. Ooh!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- I thought that was them wetting the clothes!- It was! It was!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02I think it was a ghastly chat up line.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Sue, you challenged and correctly so 25 seconds, Chat Up Lines,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08starting now.
0:14:08 > 0:14:14The worst chat up line was given to me by a ten-year-old boy in Paisley after a show.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- It is so disgusting I can't possibly allow it for broadcast. - BUZZER
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Ruth challenged. - Paisley is a lovely pattern
0:14:21 > 0:14:24and I think you're incorrect for saying that it's disgusting.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29But Paisley, Glasgow, which is also a lovely place,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- they have ten-year-old boys with potty mouths.- Write it down!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I do think she was referring to the area up on the west coast,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- near Glasgow of Paisley. - I stand corrected.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42And so an incorrect challenge. Sue, you have the subject, still.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- What are you writing down? - PAUL LAUGHS
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- He was ten years old?- Ten years old! - HE LAUGHS HEARTILY
0:14:50 > 0:14:52LAUGHTER
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- You're keeping that for future use? - BOTH: Yes!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01LAUGHTER
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- Ruth, it was an incorrect challenge. - I apologise.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Sue, you still have the subject and you have 17 seconds on Chat Up Lines, starting now.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Are there still men around who go to young women
0:15:10 > 0:15:14saying things like, "Do you like your eggs fertilized or unfertilized in the morning?"
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- BUZZER - Who's challenged? Ruth. - Repetition of the word "like".
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- Do you like your eggs fertilized... - Saying things like... Do you like?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Two likes.- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - Couple of likes.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29She's never played the game before. Another point to you, Ruth.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33You have the subject and there are ten seconds, still. Chat Up Lines, starting now.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Chatting someone up is a very difficult thing to do because...
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- BUZZER - Marcus, challenge.- No, it's not. - LAUGHTER
0:15:40 > 0:15:43APPLAUSE
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Tsssst.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54But Marcus, we enjoyed your interruption so much we give you a bonus point for that.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- But Ruth was interrupted.- And the disrespect of womankind for ever!
0:15:58 > 0:15:59LAUGHTER
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- It's worth it for the bonus point. - Yes, of course.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06That's what it's all about, isn't it? The fun we have. Right.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Ruth, it was an incorrect challenge. You have another point
0:16:09 > 0:16:12and you still have seven seconds on Chat Up Lines, starting now.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Meeting someone for the first time can be daunting
0:16:14 > 0:16:18and one has to think of something suitable to say that will...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20WHISTLE BLOWS
0:16:20 > 0:16:22APPLAUSE
0:16:26 > 0:16:31So Ruth Jones was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35And you'll be pleased and surprised to hear she's moved forward.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- She's in the lead with Sue Perkins. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Marcus Brigstocke and Paul Merton are equal in second place.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Ruth, it's your turn to begin. The subject is the art of fencing.
0:16:50 > 0:16:5260 seconds, as usual, starting now.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Putting up a fence in one's garden can be very difficult
0:16:55 > 0:16:58because if you don't get the height correct,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01then your fence will look rather strange.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- It will fall down, it will look uneven.- Sue, challenge. - BUZZER
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Repetition of "it will" fall down, "it will" look uneven.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Sue, you got in with 49 seconds to go on the Art of Fencing,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13starting now.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16The trick with the Art of Fencing is to not make your opponent laugh,
0:17:16 > 0:17:20seeing as you are dressed as a cross between a beekeeper and a mummy.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Parrying and lunging may look incredibly debonair
0:17:24 > 0:17:28but ultimately, you've got a knitting needle in one hand
0:17:28 > 0:17:30and a teapot arm on the other.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34It doesn't strike fear into the heart of someone who may wish
0:17:34 > 0:17:36to enter into a bout with you.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Instead, they're more than likely to be reduced to a flood of tears
0:17:40 > 0:17:42and hysterical laughter.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Instead, I suggest, try a cannon.
0:17:44 > 0:17:50Much more powerful at close range, plus you don't need the precision.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53However, fencing we're discussing and so we must focus on specifics
0:17:53 > 0:17:55which, luckily, I am very well versed in,
0:17:55 > 0:17:57because I am Croydon's premier fencer.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01How I love to grab that foil, as I believe it's called...
0:18:01 > 0:18:03WHISTLE BLOWS
0:18:03 > 0:18:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Sue Perkins took the subject after only a few seconds and went
0:18:18 > 0:18:23- magnificently to the whistle and gained only one point for doing so. - LAUGHTER
0:18:23 > 0:18:27But Sue, you have gone into the lead now, two ahead of Ruth Jones
0:18:27 > 0:18:30and you're three or four ahead of Marcus Brigstocke and Paul Merton.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33And we've now got a subject...
0:18:33 > 0:18:36I'm really embarrassed about this subject they've given me.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- The subject is Nicholas Parsons. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Sue Perkins, it's your turn to begin.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Off you go on Nicholas Parsons... Oh, I don't mean that!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52LAUGHTER
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- It's like Christmas. - On the subject of Nicholas Parsons.
0:18:55 > 0:18:5760 seconds starting now.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Nicholas Parsons was born before records began,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04but we do know he was friends with Methuselah.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Aged 24, he struck a deal with Mephistopheles
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- so that he would never age. - BUZZER
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Did you say Methistopheles or Mephistopheles?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Mephistopheles, Mephistopheles.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I think you said meth.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22I don't think we get quite as pernickety as that, darling.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- One is desperate sometimes. - Yes, I know.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28You could've had her for deviation. I wasn't around when Mephistopheles was, I assure you.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33Nobody's doubting that, it's the pronunciation they're worried about. LAUGHTER
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Your challenge was incorrect. Sue has another point.
0:19:36 > 0:19:4247 seconds to speak about Nicholas Parsons, starting now.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Nicholas Parsons invented show business in 1847
0:19:45 > 0:19:50and pioneered the use of the cravat, which he still sports,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53although he pairs it sometimes with a lovely polka dot tie.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55There is nothing so erotic as the sight of Nicholas Parsons...
0:19:55 > 0:19:57CONTINUOUS BUZZER
0:19:57 > 0:19:59LAUGHTER
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Intervention! Intervention!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- I've done it again.- Oh, Paul. - There are limits, aren't there?
0:20:13 > 0:20:19Yes, I'm afraid... I have to admit, I don't think I'm erotic.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- You'll never know.- I'm neurotic, yes. Paul, I have to agree.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25You have a correct challenge and you have 31 seconds.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Tell us something about Nicholas Parsons starting now.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33His career began back in the 1940s in radio on a show called
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Much Bind In The Marsh, and I heard one of those particular
0:20:36 > 0:20:39episodes on Radio 4 Extra only the other Sunday.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- BUZZER - Repetition of "radio".- Of course.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I was trying to avoid BBC, repetition of B.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51Marcus, a correct challenge. You got in on the subject of Nicholas Parsons.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54There's 22 seconds available, starting now.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I'm at something of a disadvantage on this subject,
0:20:56 > 0:21:00because I've never heard of this Nicholas Parsons character.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- BUZZER - Sue.- Deviation from sense!
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Everybody's heard of Nicholas Parsons!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's worthy of a bonus point.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13I'm not going to give it to you out of conceit
0:21:13 > 0:21:17and say that you deserve that but of the fact that I'm on the show.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21You say you haven't heard of Nicholas Parsons and you're on a show with him.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Do you know him? - LAUGHTER
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I thought... You're Nicholas Parsons?!
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- THE Nicholas Parsons?- I thought you were a mythical creature!
0:21:32 > 0:21:36What do I say now, eh? Marcus, we enjoyed your interruption.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- You get a bonus point. - No, I was speaking.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40LAUGHTER
0:21:41 > 0:21:47It was Sue interrupting me. But I enjoyed her interruption.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49So, I...
0:21:49 > 0:21:53No, Sue gets a point because she was interrupted, takes over the subject.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58- You get a bonus point for humour. - Splendid, good. Yes.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Who gets the subject? - LAUGHTER
0:22:02 > 0:22:05You do! 15 seconds to go, starting now.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09There is nothing greater than Nicholas Parsons. He is the show...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- ..leader... - BUZZER
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Didn't we have show business before? Show business is one word, though.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Is it one word?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- Is show business one word?- I'm going to assume it's two words.- Yes, do.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23And say Paul has the benefit of the doubt.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25And if I get lots of letters,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- I don't think I'll bother to reply to them! - LAUGHTER
0:22:30 > 0:22:34There's ten seconds to go, Paul. Nicholas Parsons, starting now.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Nicholas Parsons is someone I've known since roughly 1987
0:22:38 > 0:22:40and what a magnificent creature he is.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44We first met on a TV programme being made in Liverpool called Scruples.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45WHISTLE BLOWS
0:22:45 > 0:22:48APPLAUSE
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57but he's still in third place.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59It's very close, actually. One point separates them all.
0:22:59 > 0:23:05In ascending order, it's Marcus Brigstocke, Paul Merton, Ruth Jones and Sue Perkins.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- BELL RINGS Come in.- Isn't that charming?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11That bell tells us not that they're bringing ice-cream round
0:23:11 > 0:23:16but it tells us we only have time for one more round.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- ALL: Aah. - I expected more reaction than that!
0:23:19 > 0:23:21LAUGHTER
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Anyway, we have one more round to go and Marcus, it's your turn to begin.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28The subject now, that's an interesting one,
0:23:28 > 0:23:29My Bucket List.
0:23:29 > 0:23:3160 seconds, starting now.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32I have a bucket list
0:23:32 > 0:23:35and it includes a red bucket, a blue one,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39two green and one that I call Daisy that has... BUZZER
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Ruth has challenged. - Repetition of "one".- Yes, true.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44That's true.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Ruth, you've gone in cleverly with 52 seconds to go
0:23:46 > 0:23:49on My Bucket List, starting now.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51My Bucket List is a film
0:23:51 > 0:23:56about two men who decide what they would like to do before they die.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58An item on the list of one of the men who appears on the film...
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- BUZZER - Sue.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Two "men".- Ah.- Yes. Too many men in your life, darling.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Too many men.- Sue, correct challenge.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11You have the subject, My Bucket List. 40 seconds, starting now.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Were I to be presented with the possibility of death,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16which I'm still hoping to elude thanks to my magical elixir,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18yours for only £15.99...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- BUZZER - Marcus, challenge.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23What? LAUGHTER
0:24:23 > 0:24:25APPLAUSE
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Deviation! This is the BBC! You can't advertise!
0:24:29 > 0:24:34- Not even an elixir of youth? - Not even an elixir of youth.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39The closest the BBC gets to advertising is wasting £8 million teaching hippos to dance.
0:24:39 > 0:24:40LAUGHTER
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I don't believe there's any elixir which will give you
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- everlasting life. - I said I'm working on it.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I'm not there yet.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50To be fair, if anyone knows whether there's an elixir to give
0:24:50 > 0:24:52everlasting life, it is Nicholas Parsons!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:56 > 0:25:01The benefit of the doubt to you again,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04and you have My Bucket List, 32 seconds, starting now.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08On My Bucket List is a strong desire to go down the Cresta Run
0:25:08 > 0:25:11on one of those trays that they use for bobsledding
0:25:11 > 0:25:13and leaning into every turn and corner.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It would be tremendously exciting and probably kill me,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- so it would necessitate the... - Sue, challenge.- Hesitation?
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- There was a slight one, yes. - Slight one. So, you have the subject back again, Sue.
0:25:24 > 0:25:2619 seconds, My Bucket List, starting now.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I would bungee jump off a bridge in Sydney,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32attempt the world 100 metres record.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- I would breed llamas... - BUZZER
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- Marcus, challenge. - I wouldn't normally,
0:25:37 > 0:25:41but it's the last round and I know I'm last and you repeated I would.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- I did.- Yes, you did, indeed. So, Marcus, 11 seconds,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47My Bucket List, starting now.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49On My Bucket List would be the chance
0:25:49 > 0:25:51to improve my position on the programme Just A Minute.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55That is pretty much all I wish for between now
0:25:55 > 0:25:57and death which will probably come when the pinger goes...
0:25:57 > 0:25:58BUZZER
0:25:58 > 0:26:01- Paul, challenge. - I don't think it's a pinger!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04No, it is a whistle, and it has been for 45 years!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:10 > 0:26:13They're not pingers, either, they're buzzers.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15These are buzzers. What is a pinger?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17It's the opposite of a ponger!
0:26:17 > 0:26:20No, I think a pinger is the thing that tells you
0:26:20 > 0:26:22when the oven is finished cooking.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- Or your flight's been called. - Anybody else got any suggestions?
0:26:26 > 0:26:27LAUGHTER
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Paul, it was a correct challenge and you've got in with half a second to go.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35It won't make a lot of difference to the final situation,
0:26:35 > 0:26:39but it would be lovely to hear from you on My Bucket List, starting now.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40BUZZER
0:26:40 > 0:26:45- Marcus, challenge.- Given the time available, only half a second,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47I reckon hesitation.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48RUTH: You both went in the same time.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51I think he should have gone really quickly.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- I think he couldn't go any quicker!- Really?
0:26:53 > 0:26:57- The benefit of the doubt to you on this occasion, Paul.- Another point?
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Another point. And there is a quarter of a second, starting now!
0:27:01 > 0:27:02HE SPEAKS RAPIDLY
0:27:02 > 0:27:05WHISTLE BLOWS
0:27:05 > 0:27:06APPLAUSE
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Marcus Brigstocke and Paul Merton are equal in third place.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Out in the lead was Ruth Jones who's never played the game before,
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- in second place. Congratulations. Very well done.- Thank you.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25APPLAUSE
0:27:25 > 0:27:29The one with the most points, she's the winner, that is Sue Perkins!
0:27:29 > 0:27:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:35 > 0:27:36It only remains for me
0:27:36 > 0:27:41to say thank you to these four fine players of the game.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44So it's goodbye from the delightful audience at Television Centre,
0:27:44 > 0:27:47goodbye from me, Nicholas Parsons, goodbye from the panel up here.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Do join us again the next time we take to your screens
0:27:50 > 0:27:53and we play Just A Minute!
0:27:58 > 0:28:02Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd