0:00:02 > 0:00:03Welcome to Just A Minute!
0:00:03 > 0:00:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:05 > 0:00:07MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16And, as the Minute Waltz fades away,
0:00:16 > 0:00:20it's my great pleasure to welcome you to this special edition
0:00:20 > 0:00:23of Just A Minute from BBC Television Centre.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27We found our way onto your television screens to celebrate
0:00:27 > 0:00:32the 45th year of radio triumph. So, without further ado,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35please welcome the four talented, exceptional performers who,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38this day, are going to play Just A Minute. They are, on my right,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Paul Merton and Liza Tarbuck.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And on my left, Miles Jupp and Gyles Brandreth.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Please welcome all four of them!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:56The players will try to speak for just a minute
0:00:56 > 0:01:01on a subject I give them and they will try do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05The other three can challenge at any time. If I uphold the challenge,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07they gain a point and take over the subject.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09If not, the person speaking gains a point
0:01:09 > 0:01:12and continues with the subject. By the way,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15they can repeat the subject which is on the card in front of me.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Paul, the subject here is
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Double Acts. I know you love music hall and everything about that,
0:01:20 > 0:01:24but can you tell us something about that subject in this game,
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- 60 seconds as usual, starting now. - I think one of my proudest nights
0:01:28 > 0:01:31in show business occurred here at Television Centre,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34perhaps two years ago, when I was very lucky to present
0:01:34 > 0:01:36a programme about Morecambe And Wise,
0:01:36 > 0:01:40who are, undoubtedly for many of us, the greatest double act that ever lived.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43And the audience's appreciation of Eric and Ernie that night
0:01:43 > 0:01:46was phenomenal. As I said the goodbyes at the end of the show,
0:01:46 > 0:01:51they rose as one and clapped and applauded, and the warmth
0:01:51 > 0:01:54of that particular noise they were making was clearly not for me
0:01:54 > 0:01:58but it was for the two M and W people I mentioned earlier.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59- BUZZER - Gyles has challenged.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Repetition of "two".- Yes, there's two there!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06AUDIENCE GROANS
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Are we haunted?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08LAUGHTER
0:02:08 > 0:02:11You struggled so well to change and find different words
0:02:11 > 0:02:16to express the same thing. Gyles, it was 32 seconds, 28 seconds left.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19You have a correct challenge, you gain a point for that.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Double Acts, starting now.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I'm turning my mind to romantic double acts,
0:02:23 > 0:02:27thinking of Abelard and Heloise, Romeo, Juliet, Antony, Cleopatra,
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Andy Pandy, Looby Lou,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and more recently, Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35the erotic charge when characters like this come together
0:02:35 > 0:02:37and consummate their union...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- BUZZER - Paul challenged.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Are you saying Andy Pandy...and Looby Lou consummated their union?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Oh, yes!
0:02:48 > 0:02:53- What's Teddy doing round the back, making a cup of tea? - Teddy took the photographs!
0:02:53 > 0:02:54LAUGHTER
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- That's how I know.- It's a scandal.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01I think, in the literal interpretation of the words he used,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- you are perfectly correct, Paul. - Yes.- A correct challenge,
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and you have 12 seconds on Double Acts, starting now.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12David Cameron and the leader of the Liberal Party's name nobody can remember,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15are currently forming a double act which is known as the coalition
0:03:15 > 0:03:18which is running this country, even as I speak.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Would it be possible for us to look at a past...
0:03:20 > 0:03:22WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:22 > 0:03:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I didn't know what I was going to say after that!
0:03:27 > 0:03:3260 seconds have elapsed and whoever was speaking then
0:03:32 > 0:03:34gains that extra point and it was Paul Merton.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38You won't be surprised to know he is in the lead at the end of that round.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Miles Jupp, will you begin the next round and the subject is
0:03:41 > 0:03:47Bowling A Maiden Over. 60 seconds as usual, starting now.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Bowling a maiden over is a specific cricket term
0:03:51 > 0:03:53which does not apply to the act of throwing a ball
0:03:53 > 0:03:58so that it actually fells a lady, nor does it refer to the idea of actually delivering...
0:03:58 > 0:03:59- BUZZER - Gyles challenged.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Repetition of "actually". - Actually, yes.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Harsh challenge.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Little ungentlemanly, I thought, Gyles.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06LAUGHTER
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I agree, not quite cricket!
0:04:08 > 0:04:09LAUGHTER
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Gyles, a correct challenge. - How many seconds did I manage?
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- 11 seconds.- 11, that's a cricketing number, I'm happy with that.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Gyles, you've got 49 seconds
0:04:19 > 0:04:23on Bowling A Maiden Over, starting now.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26When I was a member of the House Of Commons cricket team,
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Ann Widdecombe, that interesting cross between Danny DeVito and Margaret Rutherford,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32was a wicketkeeper.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36I'm proud to say that I actually successfully bowled this maiden over,
0:04:36 > 0:04:41she fell splat, and that wonderful, amusing, slightly lopsided bosom
0:04:41 > 0:04:42of hers lay upon the ground.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46And my ball landed right between the crevice.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49It was an exciting moment for both of us.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Not since Anton had swept her off her feet,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55taken her over his shoulder, up to the green room,
0:04:55 > 0:04:59had I had such an exciting moment with a beautiful lady, as it was...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- BUZZER - Miles challenged.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Er, deviation, I think...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05No, I didn't get that far.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06LAUGHTER
0:05:06 > 0:05:08It crossed my mind but I held back.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12I imagine it was very high on your to-do list, Gyles.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15When you say "since Anton", that is more recent
0:05:15 > 0:05:18that Anton was sweeping her around
0:05:18 > 0:05:23than you, I believe, held a place in the House Of Commons, which is when I was a teenager or younger.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24AUDIENCE: Ohhh...
0:05:24 > 0:05:26APPLAUSE
0:05:30 > 0:05:34Can I say, that's my kind of challenge and I rather admire it!
0:05:34 > 0:05:39I've been looking at you, thinking, "Could you be my love child?"
0:05:39 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I mean, you sound like me, you look like me
0:05:44 > 0:05:47and now you think like me. Give him the point!
0:05:47 > 0:05:48APPLAUSE
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Get yourself a good lawyer!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56Gyles, I was going to give him a point anyway,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I don't think you should now run the show as well as take part in it.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I won't say another word, I'll sit back and watch my boy having a good time!
0:06:03 > 0:06:04LAUGHTER
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- So, Miles...- I don't think it's fair to expect me to speak,
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I'm very flustered.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Miles, you only have 14 seconds available.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14You've got a point, of course.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Bowling A Maiden Over, starting now.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21It used to be the case that bowling a maiden over required skill alone.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Now, of course, you can ring someone you know in the team and demand
0:06:24 > 0:06:27that they bowl a bowden...a maiden over.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28BUZZER, AUDIENCE GROANS
0:06:28 > 0:06:31A bit of a slip over the words, sadly.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- There was hesitation.- I didn't think there was, it was fluent, eloquent,
0:06:35 > 0:06:39extraordinary panache he's speaking with.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- Fabulous.- Who will you adopt in the next round?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46A correct challenge, Paul, you have a point for that,
0:06:46 > 0:06:50you have five seconds still available. Bowling A Maiden Over, starting now.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Although I never played cricket at school, I soon became a fan.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I remember seeing the Oval for the first time...
0:06:55 > 0:06:57WHISTLE BLOWS Ooh, that was close.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went and gained that extra point.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- And Liza, we'd like you to begin the next round.- OK!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11This subject can be taken more than one way,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I'm a bit nervous about it. Cobblers.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19So will you talk on the subject of Cobblers, 60 seconds, starting now.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23There's nothing I like better than a man with a couple of skills.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26One of them I'm a fan of is, of course, cobbling.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Up by me, in the Arsenal area of London,
0:07:30 > 0:07:31and I did move there for the gag,
0:07:31 > 0:07:36there's a cobbler's who provides me with such glorious services
0:07:36 > 0:07:40that he has my undying love forever.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Last year, he lengthened the strap on my handbag
0:07:42 > 0:07:50and has made what was quite an unusual form of carrying stuff in, a papoose-type thing,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53which, incidentally, I bought in Lisbon, just to be flash.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54He made...
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Oh, I said "he made, made..." - BUZZER
0:07:57 > 0:08:02- Gyles has challenged.- Hesitation. - Yes, but only cos she repeated something.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Darling, you shouldn't have let them know.- I know,
0:08:05 > 0:08:09but my mind went into some sort of '60s dream sequence.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13You carried us with you! Gyles, a correct challenge
0:08:13 > 0:08:17so you have the subject of Cobblers, 23 seconds, starting now.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20As Miles could probably tell you, our family comes from
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Accrington in Lancashire, where in that part of the world...
0:08:23 > 0:08:24- BUZZER - Miles challenged.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I have no connections to the North of England.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28LAUGHTER
0:08:28 > 0:08:30APPLAUSE
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Proved my point, I was talking cobblers!
0:08:35 > 0:08:36LAUGHTER
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Oh, you'd wriggle on anything!
0:08:41 > 0:08:42LIZA LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:08:43 > 0:08:48Miles, a correct challenge, well listened and a lovely interruption too.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50And you have the subject of Cobblers,
0:08:50 > 0:08:5318 seconds are still available, starting now.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Cobblers is the nickname of the football team in Northampton
0:08:57 > 0:09:01because that is a town that is associated with the art of shoemaking.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I was there doing a play once, and bought myself a spectacular pair
0:09:04 > 0:09:08of Henry Boots, which as you know, are a kind of elasticated Henry, Gyles...
0:09:08 > 0:09:09- BUZZER - Paul challenged.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Repetition of "Henry".
0:09:11 > 0:09:14You shouldn't play to your father-in-law there!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16LAUGHTER
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Er, correct challenge, Henry.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Three seconds on Cobblers, Paul, starting now.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I watched a programme the other day about shoemaking, it was called Ultimate Cobblers
0:09:24 > 0:09:27and it was the first person... WHISTLE BLOWS
0:09:27 > 0:09:29APPLAUSE
0:09:30 > 0:09:36Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went and gained that extra point. He's now in the lead,
0:09:36 > 0:09:38just ahead of Gyles Brandreth,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Miles Jupp and Liza Tarbuck, in that order.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Gyles, we're back with you to begin. A nice historical question here.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49The Wives Of Henry VIII. Tell us something about them,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- starting now.- This really is quite a challenge,
0:09:51 > 0:09:55because I recall that King Henry VIII had six wives
0:09:55 > 0:09:58but repetition was certainly involved
0:09:58 > 0:10:00because at least two of them had the same name.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05Catherine cannot now be repeated, unless I call her Kate, ha ha!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06BUZZER
0:10:06 > 0:10:08LAUGHTER
0:10:08 > 0:10:09APPLAUSE
0:10:11 > 0:10:15You needn't look like that, Gyles, we all know the challenge.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Repetition of "ha, ha!"
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Ha...ha!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:22 > 0:10:24One was spelt H-U-H and the other, U-H.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- Will I agree, no...- But it sounded exactly the same.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30If it was my boy who interrupted, then well done him!
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- It was Paul Merton.- Oh...
0:10:33 > 0:10:37I'm afraid I've never been formally recognised by Gyles.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39LAUGHTER
0:10:40 > 0:10:43He'll claim parentage to anybody to get a point!
0:10:43 > 0:10:48So, "ha ha"... So, Paul, a correct challenge
0:10:48 > 0:10:50and you have The Wives Of Henry VIII.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- There are 45 seconds, starting now. - The wives of Henry VIII,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56let's go through them one by individual.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59There was, of course, Catherine Of Aragon.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03I think, as the name suggests, she was probably from somewhere in Spain.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08And then, who should come next along the line, it was none other than Anne Boleyn.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Famously, she didn't have a complete set of fingers and thumbs or was it one too many...
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- BUZZER I've said "one" three times. - Liza challenged.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- You're thinking of Queen Elizabeth, with the extra finger?- Didn't Anne Boleyn have an extra one?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Anne Boleyn had an extra one.- An extra finger.- Extra little finger.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Like Jake The Peg.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- LAUGHTER - Did she?- Yeah, we wouldn't be talking about it otherwise.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:31So have you got a challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I thought it was deviation, which it is, strictly speaking...
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- I'll have to pass, won't I? - You'll have to pass,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Paul has another point and 25 seconds to continue
0:11:41 > 0:11:43on The Wives Of Henry VIII, starting now.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47I remember very well the television programme that was made
0:11:47 > 0:11:52in the early 1970s, perhaps with Keith Michell as King Henry VIII.
0:11:52 > 0:11:57And what a magnificent performance it was. Each one of his wives,
0:11:57 > 0:12:01throughout the entire six episodes, had a programme devoted to themselves.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I think we've already talked about the first two which gives me
0:12:04 > 0:12:08the opportunity to mention three, four, five and six.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09BUZZER
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Liza, you challenged. - Repetition of "six".
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- Yes, you're right. Absolutely, absolutely.- Well done.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19APPLAUSE
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Well listened, Liza, and you've cleverly got in
0:12:23 > 0:12:25with one second to go!
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Lord!
0:12:26 > 0:12:27APPLAUSE
0:12:27 > 0:12:30After I went through all that rubbish for no reason at all!
0:12:30 > 0:12:34You worked hard all the way through and Liza's got in,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38one second, The Wives Of Henry VIII, Liza, starting now.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- At Hampton Court... - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:12:41 > 0:12:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:44 > 0:12:48So Liza Tarbuck was speaking when the whistle went, gained an extra point.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51She's moved forward, she's equal in points with Miles Jupp,
0:12:51 > 0:12:55in third place, but only one point behind Gyles Brandreth,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59two or three behind Paul Merton but the points are only secondary.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01It's the fun they give, isn't it?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- LAUGHTER - Oh, what a weak laugh that was, I wish I hadn't said it!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Paul, we'd like you to begin the next round.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09The subject is...what a strange one!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Having A Good Time In The Desert.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Think of something to say, if you can, 60 seconds, starting now.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Many years ago,
0:13:19 > 0:13:23I was at the Edinburgh Festival. A gentleman came up to me and said, "I heard you on Just A Minute
0:13:23 > 0:13:26"during the summer." I didn't think that was remarkable. Then he said,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29"I was crossing the Gobi Desert in a jeep." He'd listened via the World Service.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Now, of course, we are not on that august institution
0:13:32 > 0:13:35but you can, still, in the desert, make a great deal of fun.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Befriend a vulture, that's what they're there for. They may
0:13:39 > 0:13:44look up on you as potential carrion but I say, "Carry on regardless!"
0:13:44 > 0:13:49AUDIENCE GROANS What are you groaning at? I'm making it off the top of my head!
0:13:49 > 0:13:50BUZZER I shouldn't have said that.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- They put me off!- Liza, you challenged.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57I was just helping out while the audience were putting Mr Merton off.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Yeah!- So, hesitation, correct challenge.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04You have 29 seconds. Having A Good Time In The Desert, starting now.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08I was enjoying a programme with Mr Bear Grylls on it the other day,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10who was having a wonderful time in the desert.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13He started his search, or in fact, journey,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16looking for some water, and as he went,
0:14:16 > 0:14:20he distilled all sorts of skills to the viewer,
0:14:20 > 0:14:24one of which was sucking the moisture out of a lizard
0:14:24 > 0:14:29which he'd bitten the head off. Now, I'm not a great advocate
0:14:29 > 0:14:33of this sort of behaviour, least of all going back to the hamster with Freddie Starr, that...
0:14:33 > 0:14:34WHISTLE BLOWS
0:14:34 > 0:14:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:42 > 0:14:45So, Liza Tarbuck was speaking then, as the whistle went,
0:14:45 > 0:14:51and gained that all-important extra point. She has moved forwards, she's in second place behind Paul Merton.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Who's going to begin the next round? Miles Jupp, it's your turn.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Right, good luck!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Strangers On A Train.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Tell us something about that subject, or film if you like.
0:15:01 > 0:15:0360 seconds, starting now.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04I consider anybody else
0:15:04 > 0:15:07who is travelling on the same train as me to be a stranger,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09even if they are a close friend or relative.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13I think everybody should be completely silent when travelling on trains,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16especially if they're in the quiet coach. You shouldn't be allowed
0:15:16 > 0:15:20to use computers or carry children or eat apples or crisps noisily,
0:15:20 > 0:15:22nor should the people who run the...rail...
0:15:22 > 0:15:25BUZZER, AUDIENCE GROANS
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- Gyles, you've challenged your love child.- I know.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- Because there was that hesitation. - There was a hesitation.
0:15:31 > 0:15:37Gyles, there's 40 seconds still available. Tell us something about Strangers On A Train, starting now.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39This story is going to astound Miles,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42because it is going to lead to his conception.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43BUZZER
0:15:43 > 0:15:47You've been challenged, you've been challenged! Paul, what is it?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Repetition of "going".- "Going", yes, well listened, Paul.
0:15:50 > 0:15:55You've got 35 seconds, you tell us something about Strangers On A Train, starting now.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59One of Alfred Hitchcock's greatest films, made in the early 1950s
0:15:59 > 0:16:03for the Warner Brothers Studios, it was based on the first novel by Patricia Highsmith,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06who went on to become a magnificent crime writer
0:16:06 > 0:16:09throughout the rest of her career. Strangers On A Train,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12black and white, monochrome, call it how you will,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15its lack of colour did not... Ah nah, jow..niaow...
0:16:15 > 0:16:17BUZZER, LAUGHTER
0:16:17 > 0:16:18For those Hungarian viewers.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER
0:16:20 > 0:16:25- Gyles, you challenged.- Hesitation. - Hesitation. 17 seconds available.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27It's Strangers On A Train, starting now.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29She sat down in front of me.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32She was indeed a stranger on this train,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34looking remarkably like the young Ingrid Bergman.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38That was not her name though, Jupp turned out to be the surname
0:16:38 > 0:16:39that this woman had.
0:16:39 > 0:16:45Her hair flame-red, her eyes the colour of beautiful azure pearls, and then I kissed her.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46WHISTLE BLOWS
0:16:46 > 0:16:48APPLAUSE
0:16:49 > 0:16:51He got away with that!
0:16:52 > 0:16:57I'm sorry... I dipped the pearls in an azure colour I've got at home.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59You needn't wriggle out of it!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02No, I worry about it, even when I've won, I worry!
0:17:02 > 0:17:06I wish to wriggle out of it because she was already called Jupp, which isn't my mother's maiden name,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- so you're suggesting... - This is the terrible thing!
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- This is awful news.- Oh, God, but your dad...
0:17:13 > 0:17:17If I had to choose anyone to hear this news from, Gyles, it simply wouldn't be you!
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Can I say he's been a...
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- It would be Nicholas Parsons! - I want you to know,
0:17:21 > 0:17:25he's been a good dad in his own way. Mr Jupp, you've done your best...
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- Reverend Dr...- Really?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Yes, you disgrace.- Reverend Dr. - Oh, right, so,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34what's the situation at the end of that round?
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Paul Merton is still in the lead. He's two points ahead of Gyles Brandreth. Oh no...
0:17:38 > 0:17:42it's Liza Tarbuck who's in second place, one point behind Paul.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Thank you!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47And Gyles is one point behind Liza.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50And Miles Jupp's bringing up a magnificent rear!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52LAUGHTER
0:17:52 > 0:17:56I'm sorry, I could have said that better, couldn't I?
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Let's get on with the show. Gyles Brandreth, your turn to begin. And the subject is...
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Oh, we're going to get something here.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06My Holiday Romance.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:18:08 > 0:18:1060 seconds, starting now.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Her name was Doris,
0:18:11 > 0:18:16the beach was sandy. It was Broadstairs in August.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19And the fun we had as I rode her...
0:18:19 > 0:18:20She was, of course, a donkey.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25And the year was 1956, my first holiday romance.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Oh, those glorious golden days of one's youth,
0:18:28 > 0:18:32when you could fall in love with an animal and nobody thought there was anything perverse about it.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Now when it happens to me and I fancy the beagle next door,
0:18:36 > 0:18:39they're on the phone to the RSPCA. What can you do?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Holiday romances are incredibly...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- BUZZER - Paul challenged.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45In answer to your question "What can you do?" Leave animals alone...
0:18:46 > 0:18:49..is what you can do! Outrageous.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51APPLAUSE
0:18:51 > 0:18:54People's pets watch this show, aren't there, Nicholas?
0:18:54 > 0:19:00- Yes, but they don't get the jokes, the pets, they just sit there. They're fascinated by you.- Are they?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02They dribble at the mouth when you come on!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05That's... Thank you!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07LAUGHTER
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Something about making a domestic pet drool
0:19:09 > 0:19:12that has been top of my list of achievements.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Paul, we did enjoy the interruption, we got a lovely laugh,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19so we give you a bonus point for that. Gyles was interrupted
0:19:19 > 0:19:22so he gets a point for an incorrect challenge.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- And Miles gets the subject!- Oh, yes!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Miles turns out to be the subject!
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Gyles, 30 seconds, My Holiday Romance, starting now.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37My holiday romance truly started at Victoria Station,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40when I climbed onto this train and saw this extraordinary young woman.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42You probably know her name, I won't repeat it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44She was very beautiful, I must say,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48and would look like somebody in this room if you could see her now, page by page...Oh no!
0:19:48 > 0:19:52LONG BUZZER
0:19:52 > 0:19:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:56 > 0:19:58You see how easy it is to trip up in this game?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- Paul, you challenged first. - Repetition of "page".
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Paul, 15 seconds, something about My Holiday Romance, starting now.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Holiday romance, there I was, on one of the Greek islands. I looked up
0:20:10 > 0:20:14and across the horizon I saw a figure coming towards me.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18She was beautiful. Long, golden hair, magnificent arms,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22a great, big...how long have we got? BUZZER
0:20:22 > 0:20:24LAUGHTER
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I think he's going out with the orang-utan I had the dalliance with.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32With his long golden arms, what's going on here?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Miles, I think it was your buzzer that went first.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40- Was it?- Yes, I pressed it for you, boy.- Oh, did you...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- OK, I'll take that.- You've got in with half a second to go.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46It's My Holiday Romance, starting now.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I too was on a Greek island cos I was on Kos! WHISTLE BLOWS
0:20:49 > 0:20:51APPLAUSE
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Paul, it's your turn to begin.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59The subject is...oh! Toasts.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Tell us something about Toasts in this game, starting now.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to imagine
0:21:05 > 0:21:09you all have an imaginary glass as we toast Mr Nicholas Parsons' chairmanship of Just A Minute
0:21:09 > 0:21:14for the last 45 years, never missed a programme over 800 recordings.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I say, Nicholas, well done and here's to the next 800!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Oh, thank you!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- BUZZER - Thank you!
0:21:25 > 0:21:29- It's also a clever way of extending the time of the minute. - Gyles challenged you.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Repetition of "Nicholas". But I kept until after the applause.- True.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Repetition of "Nicholas".
0:21:35 > 0:21:38But can you have too much repetition of "Nicholas"?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39LAUGHTER
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- 800 programmes.- Well done, thank you. A bonus point
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- for your flattery, thank you very much.- No, no, no...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48APPLAUSE
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Gyles, a correct challenge and you have 39 seconds.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Tell us something about Toasts in this game, starting now.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59Your Majesty, Royal Highness, my lords, ladies, gentlemen.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01This evening, I am honoured to propose the toast
0:22:01 > 0:22:04of fatherhood. What an extraordinary, proud thing it is
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- to be a papa and to be confronted... - BUZZER
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Paul challenged.- Repetition of "pa", is it?- No, it's all one word.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Papa is one word.- Oh, it's one word? - Yes.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- Still, nice to hear from me, wasn't it?- So, Gyles,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19an incorrect challenge, another point to you,
0:22:19 > 0:22:2226 seconds still available, Toasts, starting now.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Of all the toasts I like the most, it's the wonderful one that's slightly burnt,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30with the baked beans on top and then a fish finger and then a fried egg...
0:22:30 > 0:22:31- BUZZER - Paul challenged.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33A few "thens" one after the other, quite quickly.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- Then, then, then.- Yes. Can't argue with it, wouldn't argue with it.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Don't argue with it.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42So keep quiet for a moment!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43LAUGHTER
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, I'm very fond of you. Paul...
0:22:47 > 0:22:49But not in that way!
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- LAUGHTER - Paul, correct challenge, you have 18 seconds.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Toasts, starting now.- When I think of all the great toasts
0:22:56 > 0:22:59that have been passed through the remarkable century
0:22:59 > 0:23:03that we have just endured and are still surviving through now,
0:23:03 > 0:23:07if we look at the great Winston Churchill on the eve of the Second World War,
0:23:07 > 0:23:11he was no longer, at that point, in power but he knew...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13This has got nothing to do with Toasts!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- BUZZER - Liza, you've ch...
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I'm coming in there, there was deviation.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- I was trying to keep hold of you! - I didn't know where I was going with that.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Complete deviation.- Slippy subject. - So, Liza,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26you got in with one second to go!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:23:28 > 0:23:33You're getting sharp at this game. One second on Toasts, starting now.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Before I left for this job...
0:23:34 > 0:23:35WHISTLE BLOWS
0:23:35 > 0:23:38APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Liza Tarbuck was speaking as the whistle went
0:23:42 > 0:23:45and gained that extra point. She's moved forward,
0:23:45 > 0:23:47she's equal with Gyles in second place.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50They're trailing Paul by three points and Miles Jupp is...
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- BELL RINGS - Oh, who's for tea?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55LAUGHTER
0:23:55 > 0:23:58That little tinkle tells us that we're into the last round.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- AUDIENCE: Ahh... - You couldn't care less, could you?
0:24:01 > 0:24:02LAUGHTER
0:24:02 > 0:24:05But, Miles, it's your turn to begin. Ooh...
0:24:05 > 0:24:07What I Keep In My Pocket.
0:24:07 > 0:24:0960 seconds, starting now.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10What I keep in my pocket
0:24:10 > 0:24:14on which day of the week it is. On Mondays, I have things
0:24:14 > 0:24:19that are to do with food, such as eggs, ham, cheese,
0:24:19 > 0:24:24pizza, game, pate...beef...
0:24:24 > 0:24:25BUZZER
0:24:25 > 0:24:27AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- Gyles, you've challenged. - These pockets are just so huge
0:24:30 > 0:24:33that we've now got to the stage of deviation.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35When he got to the game, I really thought...
0:24:35 > 0:24:41I've met him on a Monday and he's not wearing that so it's deviation.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45How do we know that he hasn't got these huge pockets that he puts lots and lots of food into?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Yeah, a gamekeeper's pockets!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49LAUGHTER
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- Very good!- What do you think they wear?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53APPLAUSE
0:24:53 > 0:24:57I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt
0:24:57 > 0:25:00and you still have the subject, 45 seconds available.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03What I Keep In My Pocket, starting now.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Tuesday is DIY day, pocket-wise.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Hammers, tongs, tape measures...nails...
0:25:09 > 0:25:10- BUZZER - Paul challenged.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- Slight hesitation.- Slight hesitation, you couldn't keep it up, could you?
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- No, bless you for saying!- Listing sounds so easy in this game
0:25:18 > 0:25:20but I assure you, it's very difficult.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25Go home and try it. Don't do it now cos it's a waste of time, we want you to concentrate.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28It was a correct challenge, Paul. What I Keep In My Pocket,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- 39 seconds, starting now. - What I keep in my pocket,
0:25:30 > 0:25:37I have apricots, bananas, carthorses, dirty, evil...oh, I can't say that.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40BUZZER I have other...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Yes, Miles.- That was a hesitation, as a result of good manners,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- I have to say.- A carthorse in your pocket?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- It could have been a key-ring carthorse.- No, it couldn't.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52I've got very big pockets, and very small carthorses!
0:25:52 > 0:25:53LAUGHTER
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Miles, a correct challenge, you have 31 seconds still
0:25:56 > 0:25:59about What I Keep In My Pocket, starting now.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Wednesday in my pockets...
0:26:00 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:01 > 0:26:07I keep flags of all nations. English, Scottish, Welsh,
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Portuguese, Irish, Dutch, French, German
0:26:11 > 0:26:16Czech Repulic-ian, Slovakian...Cornish...
0:26:16 > 0:26:17BUZZER
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Paul challenged.- There was a bit of a hesitation.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- There was.- Indeed.- Listing is great fun.- They're ganging up on you.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27No, I appreciate it, I'm simply having a go.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31You did very well, you kept going for a good 15 seconds on that list.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You should have changed from the list to something else, but Paul,
0:26:34 > 0:26:39you've got in with 14 seconds to go on What I Keep In My Pocket, starting now.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43What I keep in my pocket is a souvenir from my days as a child.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's a simple toy, a yo-ditto,
0:26:46 > 0:26:51and what it is, is one of those things that goes up and down like that on a piece of string.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54It was given to me on the occasion of my seventh birthday.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55WHISTLE BLOWS
0:26:55 > 0:26:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- Yo-ditto.- Yo-ditto.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02APPLAUSE
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Only an experienced player of the game could come up with "yo-ditto".
0:27:10 > 0:27:13I thought of "yo-yo" and realised I had to...
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Well done. You were speaking as the whistle went
0:27:15 > 0:27:18and gained that extra point, let me give you the final score!
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Miles Jupp, who's not played the game as much as the others,
0:27:21 > 0:27:22did extraordinarily well.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25He did finish in fourth place but it was a very good fourth place.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29Your contribution is the important thing, not the points.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33And equal in second place were Gyles Brandreth and Liza Tarbuck.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Out in the lead was Paul Merton.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38So we say, he is the winner today!
0:27:38 > 0:27:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:42 > 0:27:45So...it only remains for me to say thank you
0:27:45 > 0:27:50to these four fine players of the game. So it's goodbye
0:27:50 > 0:27:53from this delightful audience here at the Television Centre.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55It's goodbye from me, Nicholas Parsons.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Do join us again the next time we take to your screens
0:27:58 > 0:28:01and we play Just A Minute!
0:28:03 > 0:28:06MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd