0:00:02 > 0:00:05Welcome to Just a Minute!
0:00:05 > 0:00:08APPLAUSE
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Hello. My name is Sir Nicholas Parsons
0:00:16 > 0:00:21and as the Minute Waltz fades away, it's my huge pleasure to welcome you
0:00:21 > 0:00:25to this special edition of Just a Minute from BBC Television Centre.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28After 45 years of entertaining by the radio,
0:00:28 > 0:00:33we thought it was about time to perform this show for your viewing pleasure.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Without further ado, please welcome to the show
0:00:36 > 0:00:38four talented performers, and they are,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41seated on my right, Paul Merton and Marcus Brigstocke,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44and seated on my left, Stephen Mangan and Sue Perkins.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Please welcome all four of them!
0:00:45 > 0:00:49APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The players will try to speak for Just a Minute on the subject
0:00:53 > 0:00:56that I give them, and they must try and do that
0:00:56 > 0:00:59without hesitation, repetition or deviation.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02The other three panellists can challenge at any time they wish,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and if I uphold the challenge, they gain a point.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08If not, the person speaking gains a point and keeps the subject.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11We continue like that until the whistle goes
0:01:11 > 0:01:14and whoever is speaking at that moment gains an extra point.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And by the way, they can repeat the subject on the card in front of me.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20And Sue, would you take the first subject?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22There's an interesting subject.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24It's Teacher's Pet.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27You have 60 seconds as usual, Sue, starting now.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30My teacher's pet was a chinchilla, a crepuscular rodent
0:01:30 > 0:01:32that loitered on the aggression scale
0:01:32 > 0:01:36somewhere between Mike Tyson and Ann Widdecombe.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40It had the softest fur but the temper of Satan,
0:01:40 > 0:01:44a little bit like myself when woken far too early in the morning.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It sat in a cage on bedding made of paper
0:01:47 > 0:01:49and we were tempted to play with it.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53However, my friend Alison stuck a finger through the bars
0:01:53 > 0:01:57and immediately was stabbed by these incredible front teeth.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00The screams echoed down the corridor.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02There would have been a nurse called except I didn't go
0:02:02 > 0:02:07to the sort of establishment where there were members of the healing profession available.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11It's a terrifying creature, said pet,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14and I would encourage people to stay away from them.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18In their natural habitat, it might well be that they are pleasant.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21However, when confined in an educational environment
0:02:21 > 0:02:27they become incredibly upset, and I also suspect it was allergic.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28We...
0:02:28 > 0:02:29WHISTLE BLOWS
0:02:29 > 0:02:34APPLAUSE
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Well, that was amazing.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48You really and truly deserve that astounding round of applause.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51That doesn't often happen when we've been playing this game for 45 years
0:02:51 > 0:02:55and it is yet to happen in this particular series of Just a Minute,
0:02:55 > 0:02:56so congratulations, Sue.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59You started with a subject, you finished with a subject -
0:02:59 > 0:03:01you get a point for speaking when the whistle went
0:03:01 > 0:03:04and also a bonus point for not being interrupted.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07So at the end of that round, Sue Perkins is in the lead.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10APPLAUSE
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- And we move to Stephen Mangan. - No pressure then, after that.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Wow, that's how you do it. Just speak for a minute.- That is it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19How hard can it be?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21LAUGHTER
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Don't be inhibited because it very rarely happens and she is exceptional at the game.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30So, Stephen, oh, this is a good subject. Frankenstein.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33You have 60 seconds as usual, Stephen, starting now.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Frankenstein, or Fronkenshteen, as it's very rarely pronounced,
0:03:37 > 0:03:43is a novel by Mary Shelley, one of our finest authors.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Her brother, Percy Bysshe,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48which is a name that sounds like a sound
0:03:48 > 0:03:52that Ivor the Engine might make on arriving at the station,
0:03:52 > 0:03:53was a well-known poet.
0:03:53 > 0:03:59Her book is about a Dr Viktor Frankenstein, spelt with a 'K,'
0:03:59 > 0:04:06and he created a monster from old body parts, tyres, ricotta cheese,
0:04:06 > 0:04:12string, fungus and other items from the back of his refrigerator.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15This creature roamed the corridors of...
0:04:15 > 0:04:16BUZZER
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Sue, you challenged.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Repetition of creature.- Yes. - Very good though.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21That was something.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25APPLAUSE
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Well done, Stephen. It's the first time he's played the game
0:04:31 > 0:04:34and he went for the first time, therefore, with 42 seconds.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Wow.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39APPLAUSE
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Unfortunately, you've done all the hard work.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Sue gets the subject because it's a correct challenge, I agree with you, Sue.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48You're still the only one to have got any points
0:04:48 > 0:04:49and you have 18 seconds.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Tell us something about Frankenstein starting now.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55She was visiting Lord Byron at Lake Geneva
0:04:55 > 0:04:59and they were sat round the campfire when she conceived of Frankenstein.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03It was incredibly powerful at the time to think of stories
0:05:03 > 0:05:05associated with electricity.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Those Enlightenment issues that galvanised the nation.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11It's a gothic horror and one of my favourites.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13WHISTLE BLOWS
0:05:13 > 0:05:15APPLAUSE
0:05:17 > 0:05:20So once again, Sue Perkins was speaking as the whistle went
0:05:20 > 0:05:22and gained that extra point.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25She's still the only one to have got any points
0:05:25 > 0:05:27in this game of Just a Minute.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31We are moving on to you, Marcus, now. The subject is Your Mum.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34That's the subject, not your mum.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Talk on the subject of Your Mum and there are 60 seconds as usual, starting now.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40JAMAICAN PATOIS: I think like the basically best way
0:05:40 > 0:05:45of discussing this particular topic is to do it in this particular voice because...
0:05:45 > 0:05:46BUZZER
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- Oh, yes. Sue challenged. - Repetition of particular.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Sue, you're still the only one who's got any points.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54LAUGHTER
0:05:54 > 0:05:57You've got another one now and you've got 53 seconds,
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Your Mum, starting now.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02My mum is fabulous. She looks a little like an owl.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Her glasses resembling a welder's goggles.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08She's timid, smart and underestimates herself.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11She makes a fabulous Victoria sponge but try telling her that
0:06:11 > 0:06:16and her cheeks will flush an almost extraordinary red.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19She's loud when needs be and can apply the back of a hairbrush
0:06:19 > 0:06:21to your buttocks quicker than Jack Knife.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24She is incredibly soulful.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25BUZZER
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Marcus challenged.- Deviation. Jack was famous for his use
0:06:28 > 0:06:30of a knife, not a hairbrush.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:37You're talking about Jack the Ripper?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- No, absolutely not. - Jack the Knife?
0:06:39 > 0:06:46Yeah, Jack Knife. So named for his speed with a knife, not a hairbrush.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It was pretty spurious, Nicholas, but to be honest, I had to press,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52didn't I, at some stage?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Yes, somebody has to speak. I'll tell you what we do,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59shall we give it to Stephen - he hasn't played the game very much?
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Yeah, that works.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Stephen, for 28 seconds, you tell us something about Your Mum,
0:07:05 > 0:07:06starting now.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Your mum smells of bacon. There, I've said it.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11It's something I've always wanted to speak aloud
0:07:11 > 0:07:14but only now have I had the courage to talk.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Perhaps she was bitten by a radioactive pig as a child,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20but whenever I see her,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I have an urge to butter two slices of white bread and slap them
0:07:23 > 0:07:27either side of her and slather red ketchup across her body.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Maybe some mustard, and then with my big teeth,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32and they are enormous,
0:07:32 > 0:07:34take a huge chunk out of her side because...
0:07:34 > 0:07:35WHISTLE BLOWS
0:07:35 > 0:07:39APPLAUSE
0:07:43 > 0:07:46So, Stephen Mangan was then speaking as the whistle went,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48gains that extra point
0:07:48 > 0:07:52and he is now in second place behind Sue Perkins who's in the lead.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Paul Merton, we'd like you to begin the next round.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59The Wild West - tell us something about that exciting subject in this game, starting now.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- OLD WESTERN MINER:- Well, I remember the days of Wild West
0:08:01 > 0:08:04even as if it were yesterday.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07The James gang rode into town and the sheriff, he didn't know what to do
0:08:07 > 0:08:10but I stood there and said, "Listen, you've got to stand up to these boys
0:08:10 > 0:08:13"otherwise the whole place is going to be taken over and go..."
0:08:13 > 0:08:14BUZZER
0:08:14 > 0:08:17He said, "Listen here, old-timer, you may have..."
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Who buzzed in, who buzzed?
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Stephen.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22APPLAUSE
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I happen to be using this programme as an audition
0:08:25 > 0:08:27for the Royal Shakespeare Company.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I wondered if he'd had a stroke.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32No, he hadn't.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- He was going in fine form in character.- I was just worried.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36He was doing his audition piece.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39He was doing a character study, so an incorrect challenge, Paul.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43You keep the subject and you can keep the character too, if you want.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46There are 45 seconds - the Wild West, starting now.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I remember the first day I saw Maybelline, prettiest girl I ever saw.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51BUZZER
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Sue, you've challenged.- "I remember the first day" is a repetition.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Short-term memory. Lack of.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Sue, a correct challenge.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You have 43 seconds on the Wild West, starting now.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I wish I'd been alive in the Wild West.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05To have stood there watching the gangsters mowing each other down,
0:09:05 > 0:09:07a sheriff with a badge.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08BUZZER
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Paul challenged.- I don't think there were gangsters in the Wild West.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15It's been fairly well authenticated that they were cowboys.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- They were like gangster cowboys. - I see, gangster cowboys.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20No, I think outlaws or cowboys, as you say.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22No, gangsters, I think that's incorrect.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24So Paul, you have a correct challenge.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27You have the subject back with you - the Wild West.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Do the voice, do the voice!
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Come on!- Can you sustain the voice? 36 seconds, starting now.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Six years old I was when I first saw my gold mine.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42I said to Pop, "You've got to find another way of making money."
0:09:42 > 0:09:47He said, "I'm going to sell your teeth to the vet."
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I said, "What's he going to need them for? He's just a horse doctor."
0:09:50 > 0:09:52"No, his voice has got better," it was pointed out to me.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I said, "I wasn't referring to the quality of his vocal cords.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57"I was meaning what he...
0:09:57 > 0:09:59BUZZER
0:09:59 > 0:10:03".. A four-legged animal with a halter on its neck."
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Did he buzz?- Marcus, you challenged.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09A small deviation from the accent.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- I spent some time in Devon. - Up until "vocal coids."
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Coids. Vocal coids. - They'd been very improisive.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- I thought it was fairly solid. - I think it was fairly solid too.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I think the audience think it was fairly solid, don't you? Yes, right.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27You always want to do something that's fairly solid in comedy.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Yes, so they're all with you, Paul.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33You have 14 seconds, another point, Wild West, starting now.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- IRISH ACCENT:- I went to the Wild West in 1922
0:10:36 > 0:10:39and the thing had completely turned different.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I saw a toothless old man and he said,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44"Hey, should have been here in the old days with a gold mine..."
0:10:44 > 0:10:45BUZZER
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Sue challenged. - Repetition of gold mine.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I don't know many cliches, do I?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Oh dear, we wanted him to keep it going till the end. - That's all right.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Sue, that was a correct challenge so we give it to you.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00You've got three seconds, starting now.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01BUZZER
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Paul challenged. - Extraordinary hesitation.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Extraordinary!
0:11:05 > 0:11:10APPLAUSE
0:11:10 > 0:11:13You could have made a ham sandwich in that, couldn't you?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17I'll give you a bonus point because we enjoyed the interruption.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19But Sue was interrupted, it's a point for that.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Two and a half seconds, starting now.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I was a gold prospector and I came out...
0:11:23 > 0:11:24BUZZER
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Paul challenged.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27She's doing my material!
0:11:27 > 0:11:31APPLAUSE
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- I learned from the master. - A challenge under the rules?
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Yes - ruining my income. On the back of the stage you'll see,
0:11:38 > 0:11:40"White Old-timer, Wild West, Toothless, Me."
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You said you were doing an audition?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Which plays are you going to be in, which film?
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Well, it's a rather radical interpretation of The Importance of Being Earnest.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50LAUGHTER
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- "I can't bear to see..." - Which part was that, Ernest?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58That was Lady Bracknell. I did say it was radical.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- That's going to be some show. - It's going to be some show.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06So, no, Sue, an incorrect challenge. You have half a second on the Wild West starting now.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Ohh, Lawdy.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10WHISTLE BLOWS
0:12:10 > 0:12:13APPLAUSE
0:12:14 > 0:12:18So, Sue Perkins speaking as the whistle went gained that...
0:12:18 > 0:12:21not all-important but that extra point. She's now in a strong lead,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24ahead of Paul Merton, Stephen Mangan and Marcus Brigstocke in that order.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Sue, it's your turn to begin. The subject is The Puppet Master.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35We're aware of the puppet, but who pulls the strings?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38In this game of Just A Minute, it's Nicholas Parsons,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41who stands twitching our arms and legs, moving our mouths,
0:12:41 > 0:12:46we are merely vessels for his diseased light entertainment...
0:12:46 > 0:12:47BUZZER
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Stephen, you challenged.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Something made me press it, I don't know what it was.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Was it a loud silver fox bellowing, "Come on, do it!"
0:13:03 > 0:13:04What's your challenge?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- My challenge is deviation, yeah. - Deviation, right!
0:13:07 > 0:13:08LAUGHTER
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Definitely deviation. - I don't pull the puppet strings!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- You don't pull no strings.- Yes, he does. Yes he does! You don't see it!
0:13:14 > 0:13:15LAUGHTER
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I don't work them, they work themselves!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Gosh, that was quick of you, Stephen. - Thank you very much. I'm very pleased.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- You were really on the ball there. - No, I know. - LAUGHTER
0:13:24 > 0:13:28So a correct challenge, Stephen, you have The Puppet Master and 45 seconds, starting now.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33I get taught tae kwon do at a rather unusual branch in Camden Town,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35and I am about to be made a puppet master,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38which is the level up from stairmaster,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42which is where I currently reside. To achieve this notori-i-i-i...
0:13:42 > 0:13:44BUZZER
0:13:44 > 0:13:45It's a musical!
0:13:45 > 0:13:47LAUGHTER
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Sue, your challenge.- It was hesitation, but it also was light opera at the same time.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51LAUGHTER
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- I think worthy of a bonus point, but yeah, so it is hesitation. - Hesitation, right.
0:13:55 > 0:13:5931 seconds are still available, Sue, The Puppet Master, starting now.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Recently, I went to a marionette theatre in Salzburg,
0:14:02 > 0:14:07and watched the puppet master do an extraordinary rendition of The Sound of Music,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11where the Julie Andrews character was actually less wooden than the original.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14It was marvellous to see this multi-limbed creature...
0:14:14 > 0:14:15BUZZER
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Marcus challenged. - Yes, hesitation.
0:14:17 > 0:14:22- Yeah, I think... - Extension on multi-limbed.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26I think she was running out of steam, and so we got to the point where we call it hesitation,
0:14:26 > 0:14:30and Marcus, you've got in with 15 seconds on The Puppet Master, starting now.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33For me, the ultimate puppetmaster is Mr Jim Henson,
0:14:33 > 0:14:34who of course created the Muppets,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38which were my very favourite things when I was growing up as a lad,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I was a huge fan of Animal on his drum kit,
0:14:41 > 0:14:45and in fact had a badge with his face on, which I absolutely loved, and I destroyed many...
0:14:45 > 0:14:47WHISTLE
0:14:47 > 0:14:49APPLAUSE
0:14:53 > 0:14:56So Marcus Brigstocke was then speaking as the whistle went,
0:14:56 > 0:15:00and gained an extra point for doing so, and he's moved forward.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02He's still in fourth place, but he's moved forward.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03LAUGHTER
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Stephen, we'd like you to begin the next round. Oh, dear.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Oh.- "What frightened me as a child".
0:15:09 > 0:15:1160 seconds, starting now.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16What frightened me as a child were Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos.
0:15:16 > 0:15:23Their enormous Greek faces in my dreams would come surging out of vats of hummus and taramasalata,
0:15:23 > 0:15:29singing, "Those were the days, my friend, I thought they'd never end,"
0:15:29 > 0:15:33as they lifted up high into the sky on pitta bread wings,
0:15:33 > 0:15:37dripping their dips all over my Tottenham Hotspur duvet.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38LAUGHTER
0:15:38 > 0:15:42And I lay curled there, saying, "Please, no, not the Greek..."
0:15:42 > 0:15:43BUZZER
0:15:43 > 0:15:46"..faced people." Oh!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48APPLAUSE
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Sue, you challenged first.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- Repetition of "Greek." - Yes, I think they all saw that one.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57And you've got the subject, you have 29 seconds,
0:15:57 > 0:16:01and it is, "What frightened me as a child."
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Doctor Who frightened me as a child, Davros in particular,
0:16:04 > 0:16:09with his studded metal skirt and incredibly old face.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Stairs, of course, were the things that would totally put paid to his world domination plans,
0:16:13 > 0:16:19but as a child, I had no idea that such a simple thing could prove to be so utterly disgraceful.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Why I've used that phrase, I have no idea. Didn't make any sense.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23BUZZER
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- Marcus challenged.- As Sue pointed out, it didn't make any sense. - Didn't make any sense.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30So it was deviation from what she was saying. You have a correct challenge.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Marcus, you have "What frightened me as a child," seven seconds, starting now.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39What always frightened me as a child was any sort of challenge involving speaking in front of other people,
0:16:39 > 0:16:42particularly for a set amount of time,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- and it's a fear that I haven't ever... - WHISTLE
0:16:44 > 0:16:46APPLAUSE
0:16:50 > 0:16:54so, Marcus Brigstocke was speaking as the whistle went and gains an extra point.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57He has moved forward, he is in third place equal with Paul Merton,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Stephen Mangan is one point behind, Sue is out in the lead.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Oh, and the next round is on a lovely subject, The Owl And The Pussycat.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Yes, Edward Lear, I've got a whole show about him.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I know these poems, they're so lovely.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13"The owl and the pussycat went to see in a beautiful pea-green boat.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14"They took some honey,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17"and plenty of money wrapped up in a five-pound note.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20"The owl looked up to the stars above..." LAUGHTER
0:17:20 > 0:17:25"and he sang to a small guitar, "Oh pussy my love, oh, lovely pussy,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28"what a beautiful pussy you are, you are, what a beautiful pussy you are."
0:17:28 > 0:17:29BUZZER
0:17:29 > 0:17:33"Pussy said to the owl.." LAUGHTER
0:17:33 > 0:17:36"..you elegant fowl, how charmingly sweet you sing.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40"Let us be married, too long we have tarried,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42"but what shall we do for a ring?"
0:17:42 > 0:17:45"They sailed away for a year and a day
0:17:45 > 0:17:48"to the land where the Bong tree grows." LAUGHTER
0:17:48 > 0:17:52"And there in the wood, a piggywig stood,
0:17:52 > 0:17:54"with a ring at the end of his nose, his nose,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56"with a ring through the end of his nose."
0:17:56 > 0:17:58APPLAUSE
0:17:58 > 0:18:02"Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?"
0:18:02 > 0:18:03"Said the piggy, "I will."
0:18:03 > 0:18:06"So they took it away, and were married next day
0:18:06 > 0:18:09"by the turkey who lives on the hill.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12"And then hand-in-hand..." LAUGHTER
0:18:12 > 0:18:16"..on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the moon.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20"The moon. They danced by the light of the moon."
0:18:20 > 0:18:23APPLAUSE
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- Well, thank you for that endorsement of my show.- How did it go?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39It went very well, the audience loved it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41They didn't disappear like you lot did.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I was just trying to get hold of some tickets for next week.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45LAUGHTER
0:18:45 > 0:18:51- I like your tribute to their boat in the form of a jacket. - LAUGHTER
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Yeah, it could be pea-green, yes. It could be.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- They sailed away for a year and a day...- Oh, not again!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01LAUGHTER
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Paul, we'd like you to take the subject,
0:19:04 > 0:19:06and there are 60 seconds, as usual,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Well, I just thought the beautiful rendition that Nicholas Parsons gave
0:19:12 > 0:19:14of that magnificent poem by Edward Lear,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17The Owl And The Pussycat, was really an extraordinary example
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- of the artistic qualities of our magnificent... I can't say it. - BUZZER
0:19:21 > 0:19:23LAUGHTER
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- I don't believe a word of it. - SUE LAUGHS
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Oh, Paul, and I believed you to begin with. PAUL LAUGHS
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- Sue, you challenged first. - Hesitation.- There was a hesitation. - Yes.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36So you have 47 seconds, and you have the subject of The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:19:36 > 0:19:42Edward Lear, a glorious, absurd, comic master of the poetic form. And that's all I know.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44BUZZER
0:19:44 > 0:19:45LAUGHTER
0:19:45 > 0:19:46APPLAUSE
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- Stephen Mangan. - Hesitation.- Hesitation.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50So you have 40 seconds,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53tell us something about The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58- The owl and the pussycat went to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat. - Oh, God! Not you as well!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01They took some honey and plenty of money, wrapped up in a five-pound note.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06But if you've ever taken the product of bees encased in Queen's coinage,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08you'll find it gets very sticky after a while.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09BUZZER
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- Marcus challenged.- Yeah, deviation.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Well, it's a five-pound note, isn't it,
0:20:14 > 0:20:15it's not the Queen's coinage.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Very difficult to wrap honey in coins.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19LAUGHTER
0:20:19 > 0:20:23So, Marcus, a correct challenge. The Owl And The Pussycat is with you.
0:20:23 > 0:20:2624 seconds available, starting now.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I once had a pea-green boat, and I put an owl and the pussycat in it,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32and unfortunately, the owl attacked the cat,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34and the whole thing ended horribly.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- But it didn't stop me from... - BUZZER
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- ..enjoying them setting sail. - Stephen, you challenged. - Hesitation. He said...
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- Well, there is now!- He said "err..." - LAUGHTER
0:20:43 > 0:20:45APPLAUSE
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- So what was your challenge? - Hesitation.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- He said "but, err..."- Oh, he did, yes, he did.- Yes.- Yes, indeed.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- I meant butter, the delicious... - LAUGHTER
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Stephen, a correct challenge, you have 12 seconds, tell us more
0:20:57 > 0:20:59about The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03I was known as both Owl and Pussycat at university,
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Owl because I was nocturnal and wise and ate mice...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10BUZZER Sue, you challenged.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I was at university with Stephen.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15He was drunk, he was silly, he wasn't wise.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18He... Simply, so deviation from fact. And I know that.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- I'm not having that. - We don't know that, do we?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I do, I was at college with him!
0:21:22 > 0:21:26I think we have to give his impression of what he thought he was like at college.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28He was an animal!
0:21:28 > 0:21:29LAUGHTER
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Well, he was two animals. He was an owl and a pussycat. - LAUGHTER
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Now, I am going to give Stephen the benefit of the doubt, and say,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39you have four seconds, Stephen, The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- ..And pussycat because I used to wear a mo... - BUZZER
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Paul challenged.- Well, he's very good, but it was repetition of "because."
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- Cos we had "an owl because," and "a pussycat because." - Because, because, because, because.
0:21:49 > 0:21:55So, Paul, you got in with three seconds to go, on The Owl And The Pussycat, starting now.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- The owl and the pussycat looked at each other across the divide... - SUE LAUGHS
0:21:58 > 0:21:59WHISTLE
0:21:59 > 0:22:03APPLAUSE
0:22:07 > 0:22:11The situation now is that Sue Perkins is still in the lead,
0:22:11 > 0:22:15and she is way ahead of Paul Merton and Stephen Mangan in second place,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18and Marcus trails them by just two points, that's all, and Sue...
0:22:18 > 0:22:21I'm in third, though, out of four possible places.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- You're in third place, yes. - Yeah. Tremendous. - LAUGHTER
0:22:23 > 0:22:25And Sue, will you begin the next round?
0:22:25 > 0:22:29The subject is "Spreading rumours." 60 seconds, starting now.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Two years ago, I spread a vicious rumour that Greek was bust...Greece!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35BUZZER Oh!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- I'm an idiot!- Stephen Mangan, you challenged.- Hesitation.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39There was a hesitation.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Stephen, you have the subject of spreading rumours, 50 seconds, starting now.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Spreading rumours have plagued the margarine industry for years.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48LAUGHTER
0:22:48 > 0:22:50The rumours being that margarine is...
0:22:50 > 0:22:51- BUZZER - Yes.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Oh...Sue challenged. - Repetition of margarine.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- There was too much margarine there, yes.- Too much margarine.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59And Sue Perkins, another point to you.
0:22:59 > 0:23:0249 seconds on spreading rumours, starting... Oh, I've got hiccups.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04LAUGHTER
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Repetition!
0:23:05 > 0:23:07LAUGHTER
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Oh...
0:23:09 > 0:23:13It's not a good idea to have hiccups in the middle of a live television show.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Are we live?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16LAUGHTER
0:23:16 > 0:23:18SUE APPLAUDS
0:23:18 > 0:23:19My God!
0:23:19 > 0:23:26So, and, Sue, spreading rumours, it's now 49 seconds, starting now.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31After spending an entirely innocent evening in a Bunga room with Silvio Berlusconi,
0:23:31 > 0:23:34a very unpleasant rumour about me was spread.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Namely that I could be purchased for Lire, or Euro in new money,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42for any evenings with former...
0:23:42 > 0:23:43BUZZER
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Oh, Marcus challenged. - Yes, hesitation.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47There was a hesitation, yes.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Marcus, you have 33 seconds on spreading rumours, starting now.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Spreading rumours is an awful, terrible thing to do,
0:23:54 > 0:23:56but my God, it's good fun.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00For example, many people have told me stories about Simon Cowell
0:24:00 > 0:24:04and just exactly what he prefers, but I can't say what those things are here.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05- BUZZER - Those would be...
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- Paul challenged.- Write it down!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:12So, Paul, what was your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Oh, I haven't got one.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15LAUGHTER
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- Hesitation.- He did hesitate, yes. - Yeah.- Well done.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20You were quick there, Paul. LAUGHTER
0:24:20 > 0:24:23And you have the subject, spreading rumours, starting now.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27When a major event occurs, something like the assassination of John F. Kennedy,
0:24:27 > 0:24:32there are rumours that abound that it was some conspiracy involved.
0:24:32 > 0:24:38The American public couldn't believe that their president could be taken out by a lone gunman,
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Lee Harvey Oswald was the man who was actually accused of the crime,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- and it's fairly clear that it was him involved, because... - WHISTLE
0:24:45 > 0:24:48APPLAUSE
0:24:51 > 0:24:54So, Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went, gains that extra point,
0:24:54 > 0:24:58he's moving forward, he is in second place behind Sue Perkins, who is in the lead.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Marcus Brigstocke... BELL
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Oh, it's time for tea! LAUGHTER
0:25:04 > 0:25:10That little tinkling bells tells us we have time for only one more round. AUDIENCE: Aaah...
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Right, Marcus Brigstocke, it's your turn to begin.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14HE CHUCKLES
0:25:14 > 0:25:17"Training a crab to walk forwards."
0:25:17 > 0:25:20LAUGHTER
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- They're playing right into your hands, Marcus!- Yeah, I know.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Right.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Marcus, you begin, training a crab to walk forwards, 60 seconds,
0:25:27 > 0:25:28starting now.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Training a crab to walk forwards is not an easy thing to do,
0:25:31 > 0:25:35but it puts me pleasingly in mind of Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling's attempts
0:25:35 > 0:25:37to make ravens fly underwater.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40That was created by Peter Cook, and it always makes me laugh.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44However, I have trained many a crab to walk forwards.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48The trick is to convince the crab that they are drunk, this is not an easy thing to do,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52but one of the ways you can do it is by swaying about and offering them a kebab,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56at which point, the crab will usually begin to veer in your direction,
0:25:56 > 0:26:00and then you start waving your arms, jumping up and down and punching the side of a police van,
0:26:00 > 0:26:05- that's usually a pretty good indication that you've had one or two too many.- Oh.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10So the crab is then excited by what you are doing and thinks, well, I probably am (BLEEP),
0:26:10 > 0:26:15and begins to teeter in the rough direction of what you are doing at that stage,
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- which is pretending to be blind, blotto... - BUZZER
0:26:19 > 0:26:20- Aah, shame. - APPLAUSE
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- I had such a head of steam up! - Yeah, it was good.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24APPLAUSE
0:26:27 > 0:26:31You were in for 49 seconds. AUDIENCE: Aaaah.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You do all the hard work, and somebody comes in and takes it from you.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- Sue, what was your challenge? - Hesitation.- Unfortunately, there was, yes, but we enjoyed it.- Me too!
0:26:39 > 0:26:43So I think, as it's the last round, you should have a bonus point for 49 seconds.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- Oh, how nice. - APPLAUSE
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Sue, you get another point for a correct challenge, and there are 11 seconds left, starting now.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Surround its flanks by angry, hungry lions,
0:26:56 > 0:27:00then you'll find it will move forwards with surprising speed and skill.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05Or strips of bacon latticed over the top, as if you're about to move it into an oven...
0:27:05 > 0:27:06WHISTLE
0:27:06 > 0:27:09APPLAUSE
0:27:12 > 0:27:16So, Sue Perkins, speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19and the final situation, oh, an extraordinarily fair one.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23Sue is out in the lead, but in second place,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26equal with Stephen Mangan, Marcus Brigstocke and Paul Merton...
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Oh! - ..all with the same number of points.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31So a round of applause for the seconds.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34APPLAUSE
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And a round of applause for our winner today,
0:27:37 > 0:27:39which is Sue Perkins.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:44 > 0:27:47It only remains for me to say a final thank you
0:27:47 > 0:27:50to these four fine players of this game.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53And so, it's goodbye from this delightful audience
0:27:53 > 0:27:56here at the Television Centre, it's goodbye from me, Nicholas Parsons,
0:27:56 > 0:28:01and join us again the next time we take to your screens and play Just A Minute.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Yes!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd