Episode 9

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Welcome to Just a Minute!

0:00:04 > 0:00:07APPLAUSE

0:00:12 > 0:00:16Hello. My name is Nicholas Parsons.

0:00:16 > 0:00:20As the Minute Waltz fades away, it's my great pleasure to welcome you

0:00:20 > 0:00:25to this special edition of Just a Minute from BBC Television Centre.

0:00:25 > 0:00:29We've found our way at last on to your television screens

0:00:29 > 0:00:33after celebrating 45 years of radio triumph!

0:00:33 > 0:00:37APPLAUSE

0:00:37 > 0:00:40So without further ado, please welcome to the show

0:00:40 > 0:00:42four fabulous, talented performers, and they are

0:00:42 > 0:00:45seated on my right, Paul Merton and Tony Hawks,

0:00:45 > 0:00:48and seated on my left, Liza Tarbuck and Gyles Brandreth.

0:00:48 > 0:00:51Please welcome all four of them!

0:00:51 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE

0:00:55 > 0:00:57The players will try to speak for Just a Minute

0:00:57 > 0:01:00on a subject that I give them, and they must try and do that

0:01:00 > 0:01:02without hesitation, repetition or deviation.

0:01:02 > 0:01:05The other three panellists can challenge at any time and if

0:01:05 > 0:01:08I uphold that challenge, they gain a point and takeover the subject.

0:01:08 > 0:01:12If not, the person speaking gains a point and continues with the subject.

0:01:12 > 0:01:15By the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17Gyles, would you take the first subject?

0:01:17 > 0:01:19Pardon my French.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.

0:01:42 > 0:01:44BUZZER

0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Tony, you've challenged. - Repetition of 'vais.'

0:01:48 > 0:01:52APPLAUSE

0:01:56 > 0:02:01- You did repeat 'vais.' - Oy vey! Got it in one.

0:02:01 > 0:02:07THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH-SOUNDING GIBBERISH

0:02:07 > 0:02:08I hope you understood that.

0:02:08 > 0:02:10Now, Pardon My French.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14Tony, you had a correct challenge there and take over the subject.

0:02:14 > 0:02:16There are 39 seconds still available.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19Pardon My French, starting now.

0:02:24 > 0:02:27But people tend to say pardon my French

0:02:27 > 0:02:32when they're swearing or don't want to be seen to be rude.

0:02:32 > 0:02:36It doesn't bother our host. People would be interested to know...

0:02:36 > 0:02:37BUZZER

0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Gyles has challenged. - Repetition of 'people.'

0:02:40 > 0:02:43Correct challenge, repetition of 'people.'

0:02:43 > 0:02:45You take over the subject, you take it back.

0:02:45 > 0:02:48Pardon my French with you, Gyles. 22 seconds, starting now.

0:02:48 > 0:02:52The person who most needs to pardon my French is an old teacher

0:02:52 > 0:02:55because I was a pupil of the Lycee Francais de Londres.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57The masters and mistresses,

0:02:57 > 0:03:00I use the word advisedly, were all of a Francophile disposition.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03Many of them were in fact nationals of that particular country.

0:03:03 > 0:03:04BUZZER

0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Paul challenged.- Francophile individuals and nationals of that country -

0:03:07 > 0:03:10Francophile isn't a country.

0:03:11 > 0:03:14Do you see? He was referring to the country.

0:03:14 > 0:03:17They were Francophiles or of that country. Either enthusiasts for France,

0:03:17 > 0:03:20the Francophiles, or they were natives of that country.

0:03:20 > 0:03:23No, Paul is actually right. You get a point for that, of course.

0:03:23 > 0:03:26Seven seconds still available and your time starts now.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28I did metalwork.

0:03:28 > 0:03:29BUZZER

0:03:29 > 0:03:33LAUGHTER

0:03:33 > 0:03:37Pardon my trowel isn't quite the same sort of thing really.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40I've not an idea what this round's been about at all.

0:03:40 > 0:03:42- I think you deserve a bonus point for that.- Thank you very much.

0:03:42 > 0:03:45APPLAUSE

0:03:48 > 0:03:51That's the first time I've had my ignorance clapped.

0:03:51 > 0:03:55- It wasn't ignorance, it was your wit.- Oh, yes, indeed. Absolutely.

0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Tony, you challenged first. - We count that as a hesitation.

0:03:58 > 0:04:02We do indeed, or "una momenta."

0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Is that French?- A bit Spanish. - A bit Spanish, oh well.

0:04:05 > 0:04:08A correct challenge so you have another point,

0:04:08 > 0:04:13and you have six seconds still available. Pardon my French, starting now.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15I have never had to pardon my French kissing.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18It is of an extraordinarily high calibre.

0:04:18 > 0:04:19BUZZER

0:04:19 > 0:04:21I disagree, it's rubbish.

0:04:21 > 0:04:26APPLAUSE

0:04:28 > 0:04:30It was hardly worth getting drunk for.

0:04:31 > 0:04:35Tony, I've never heard anybody after a bit of osculation saying,

0:04:35 > 0:04:39"Pardon my French kiss." It's ridiculous.

0:04:39 > 0:04:42Well, I've done it to such a high calibre

0:04:42 > 0:04:46- I've never had to pardon my French kissing, you see.- Exactly, exactly.

0:04:46 > 0:04:47Why did you challenge then?

0:04:47 > 0:04:53Well, why get bogged down with details? I don't have a challenge.

0:04:53 > 0:04:56- I don't, really.- Oh, right, well.

0:04:56 > 0:04:59I have to be so careful here because there is only half a second to go.

0:05:01 > 0:05:06So, Tony, you have half a second, Pardon my French, starting now.

0:05:06 > 0:05:08Sur le pont d'Avignon...

0:05:08 > 0:05:10WHISTLE BLOWS

0:05:10 > 0:05:13APPLAUSE

0:05:13 > 0:05:17In this game, whoever is speaking when the whistle goes

0:05:17 > 0:05:20gains an extra point, and it was Tony Hawks.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23You won't be surprised to know that he's in the lead at the end of the first round.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Liza, we'd like you to begin the next round.- Lovely.

0:05:26 > 0:05:31The subject is Man's Best Friend. 60 seconds as usual, starting now.

0:05:31 > 0:05:35My friend Roger Man's best friend is a woman called Sarah Hughes

0:05:35 > 0:05:37who works in a bookshop in Liverpool.

0:05:37 > 0:05:41The thing with Sarah is she's very, very... oh!

0:05:41 > 0:05:42BUZZER

0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Classic!- The classic problem in Just a Minute.

0:05:45 > 0:05:47Paul, you picked it up first.

0:05:47 > 0:05:52- Repetition of 'Sarah.'- Oh! - You said that as well.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54I ignored 'very' but you did say 'Sarah' twice.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57That's very clever of you, yes. You've got 50 seconds.

0:05:57 > 0:06:00You tell us something about Man's Best Friend, starting now.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03Man's best friend is undoubtedly Colin Watson.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06He lives in Rotherham and any time a man is in trouble,

0:06:06 > 0:06:08they go to him and they say, "My dear friend,

0:06:08 > 0:06:12"get me out of this particular hole I find myself in now."

0:06:12 > 0:06:14They often say that dogs are man's best friend

0:06:14 > 0:06:16but I don't really know if that's the case.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19My best friend wouldn't get up to some of the things that those

0:06:19 > 0:06:22creatures do. Have you seen canines walking through the park?

0:06:22 > 0:06:24They have the most extraordinary lifestyle.

0:06:24 > 0:06:27People clean up after them which is lovely,

0:06:27 > 0:06:30but whether that qualifies them as man's best friend, I don't know.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33How about man's best friend being the giraffe?

0:06:33 > 0:06:38A majestic animal with its long neck and its nibbling of acacia trees.

0:06:38 > 0:06:43It shows to humanity that we and other species can be joined together

0:06:43 > 0:06:49as we search towards truth, light and the American way!

0:06:49 > 0:06:52Yes, we must go to the safari parks and unleash them!

0:06:52 > 0:06:54WHISTLE BLOWS

0:06:54 > 0:07:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:07:06 > 0:07:09Sorry, it's just something I feel passionate about.

0:07:09 > 0:07:13Well, that impassioned speech of absolute rubbish was delightful.

0:07:13 > 0:07:18You kept going until the whistle went, gained that extra point on man's best friend.

0:07:18 > 0:07:21You're still in second place but it doesn't matter.

0:07:21 > 0:07:23You're only one point behind our leader, Tony Hawks.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26Paul, we'd like you to begin the next round.

0:07:26 > 0:07:28I don't know what you're going to do with this.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30When I Worked as a Meteorologist.

0:07:33 > 0:07:35After Man's Best Friend,

0:07:35 > 0:07:37tell us something about that one in this game, starting now.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40When I worked as a meteorologist, my workmates didn't like me.

0:07:40 > 0:07:44They were a bit of a shower. In fact, I used to... What are you groaning at?

0:07:44 > 0:07:47I've been given the subject. They used to rain on my parade.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49I'd say, "No."

0:07:49 > 0:07:51Sometimes there were scattered spells of interest

0:07:51 > 0:07:53but they didn't last very long.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56I could never work out the difference between the various clouds.

0:07:56 > 0:07:58There's nimbus, and the other ones.

0:07:58 > 0:07:59That's where I got confused.

0:07:59 > 0:08:02Delivering the weather forecast after the Six o'clock News,

0:08:02 > 0:08:03a nation I could see...

0:08:03 > 0:08:05BUZZER

0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Gyles challenged.- Always delivered just before the Six o'clock News.

0:08:12 > 0:08:15Deviation in terms of the Radio Times. I checked.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19But also, it is delivered later at night after the 10 o'clock News.

0:08:19 > 0:08:22After the Six o'clock News implies immediately after.

0:08:22 > 0:08:25Surely the really relevant point is it's never presented by Paul Merton.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28Well, because I didn't get on with them

0:08:28 > 0:08:31because I had these rain-based puns that nobody likes.

0:08:32 > 0:08:35I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt

0:08:35 > 0:08:39and if I can redress the balance sometime later, Paul, I will give you the benefit.

0:08:39 > 0:08:41Right now, Gyles has got it.

0:08:41 > 0:08:44He has the subject, When I Worked as a Meteorologist

0:08:44 > 0:08:46and there are 33 seconds available starting now.

0:08:46 > 0:08:47When I worked as a meteorologist,

0:08:47 > 0:08:50it was always the first day of spring because...

0:08:50 > 0:08:52BUZZER

0:08:52 > 0:08:55Get yourself a new calendar!

0:08:55 > 0:08:58Every day was the first day of spring?

0:08:58 > 0:09:01APPLAUSE

0:09:01 > 0:09:04You'd have been thrown out, coming up with that rubbish.

0:09:04 > 0:09:07- "It's the first day of spring again."- I tell you what.

0:09:07 > 0:09:11- This will redress the balance. - Absolutely!

0:09:11 > 0:09:15He's taken the very words out of my mouth.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18- He was using it metaphorically speaking.- It was, absolutely.

0:09:18 > 0:09:21It was like saying after the Six o'clock News, isn't it?

0:09:21 > 0:09:24You have the benefit of the doubt and you have

0:09:24 > 0:09:27When I Worked as a Meteorologist, and you now have another point.

0:09:27 > 0:09:29Oh, they're all equal in the lead.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31Gyles Brandreth, Tony Hawks and Paul Merton.

0:09:31 > 0:09:3428 seconds available still, Paul, starting now.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37I was aware of a persistent cold front

0:09:37 > 0:09:39that led all the way up to Christmas.

0:09:39 > 0:09:41My work colleagues were...

0:09:41 > 0:09:42BUZZER

0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Liza.- He said 'work' before in the first batch.

0:09:44 > 0:09:47Right, so Liza, you've got in on the subject now.

0:09:47 > 0:09:49When I Worked as a Meteorologist.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52You have 21 seconds if you want them, starting now.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55I was in charge of the shipping forecast and my favourite area

0:09:55 > 0:09:59was German Bight, which is adjacent to Dogger, you'll understand.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03The news there was we joined the Meteorology Office

0:10:03 > 0:10:07in 1920 or thereabouts, after the First World War.

0:10:07 > 0:10:09I had to go down and check the mines.

0:10:09 > 0:10:10BUZZER

0:10:10 > 0:10:15- Tony, you've challenged.- Mines? - She's not that old, surely!

0:10:15 > 0:10:17- Really?- Nipped and tucked.

0:10:18 > 0:10:19One way of saying it.

0:10:19 > 0:10:24No, no, Liza, looking at you, I cannot believe that you were there

0:10:24 > 0:10:28right back at the beginning. Tony, correct challenge,

0:10:28 > 0:10:31- and you've got in with four seconds to go.- Four seconds!

0:10:31 > 0:10:32And you start now.

0:10:32 > 0:10:35When I worked as a meteorologist, I did a lot of French kissing

0:10:35 > 0:10:37and very popular I was too...

0:10:37 > 0:10:39WHISTLE BLOWS

0:10:39 > 0:10:42APPLAUSE

0:10:46 > 0:10:49So, Tony Hawks was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point.

0:10:49 > 0:10:53And he's moved forward and he's just taken the lead, two points ahead of the others.

0:10:53 > 0:10:57Gyles, We'd like you to begin the next round and the subject is,

0:10:57 > 0:10:59oh, Drinking Games.

0:10:59 > 0:11:03Tell us something about that in this game, starting now.

0:11:03 > 0:11:06Recently, I happened to be staying for the weekend at Highgrove.

0:11:06 > 0:11:10This is where Prince Charles lives with his second wife.

0:11:10 > 0:11:11BUZZER

0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Tony's challenged.- He did an 'er,' which we count as a hesitation.

0:11:15 > 0:11:16He went, "And, er."

0:11:16 > 0:11:19Did I?

0:11:21 > 0:11:25I imagine I was overawed by the glory of my story.

0:11:25 > 0:11:29- I do apologise.- I thought the audience went, "Er."- I think so.

0:11:29 > 0:11:31I think they were going, "Oh, oh, Ohh!"

0:11:31 > 0:11:34Some of them were getting down on their knees, I noticed,

0:11:34 > 0:11:35it was rather charming.

0:11:35 > 0:11:39They were trying to crawl out without being spotted.

0:11:39 > 0:11:43Tony, another point. 52 seconds, Drinking Games, starting now.

0:11:43 > 0:11:48Every four years there are Olympic Games, but London...

0:11:48 > 0:11:49BUZZER

0:11:51 > 0:11:55- Hesitation.- Hesitation, definite hesitation. A complete full stop.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57Yes, I was going to say 'every' again and what do you do

0:11:57 > 0:11:59when you start to say 'every?'

0:11:59 > 0:12:03- Well, that's what happens.- Yes. - That's what happens.

0:12:03 > 0:12:04Liza, You have the subject.

0:12:04 > 0:12:08You have 47 seconds, Drinking Games, starting now.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11I like nothing more than enticing a whole shipload of sailors

0:12:11 > 0:12:12off of their boat in Plymouth...

0:12:12 > 0:12:14BUZZER

0:12:15 > 0:12:19- Who buzzed in, who buzzed in? - Tony did.- Repetition of 'off.'

0:12:19 > 0:12:23She went, "Off of." I suppose that's not two offs, is it?

0:12:23 > 0:12:26- It's an 'off' and then an 'of.' - Yes, 'of' and 'off.'

0:12:26 > 0:12:29The story was just hotting up.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33I'm not sure we can pick up the thread now,

0:12:33 > 0:12:36if I may use that euphemism.

0:12:36 > 0:12:40Here we are, so, Liza, an incorrect challenge,

0:12:40 > 0:12:43a point to you. Drinking Games, 42 seconds, starting now.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45Our favourite tipple, of course, is a Nelson's Blood

0:12:45 > 0:12:50reminiscent of that old fruity matelot from years gone by.

0:12:50 > 0:12:51BUZZER

0:12:51 > 0:12:55- A bit of hesitation. - You looked at Gyles.

0:12:55 > 0:13:00He resented you calling Nelson, the great admiral, a fruity nut.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03- A fruity matelot.- He was a fruity matelot, though, wasn't he.

0:13:03 > 0:13:07You've got one or two fruity sayings of his.

0:13:07 > 0:13:09I have. That was Napoleon.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12- Was it?- Yeah, Napoleon.

0:13:15 > 0:13:18Right, so, Gyles, a correct challenge. 36 seconds are available.

0:13:18 > 0:13:21Drinking Games, starting now.

0:13:21 > 0:13:23BUZZER

0:13:25 > 0:13:27Hesitation.

0:13:28 > 0:13:30Clearest case of hesitation I think we've ever had.

0:13:30 > 0:13:34Very clear hesitation. You could have made a ham sandwich in that.

0:13:34 > 0:13:36I think to be fair to Gyles,

0:13:36 > 0:13:39he didn't realise we were about to start.

0:13:39 > 0:13:42Thank you, thank you. I'm now poised.

0:13:42 > 0:13:45I say I'm poised, that's for you to judge. I mean I'm ready.

0:13:47 > 0:13:50It's Drinking Games, 35 seconds, starting now.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53In Shakespeare's play Twelfth Night, Sir Toby Belch, Andrew Aguecheek

0:13:53 > 0:13:56and Feste, with Maria, indulge in drinking games

0:13:56 > 0:14:00and sing the most extraordinary catch round.

0:14:00 > 0:14:03Productions of this enjoy the drinking games hugely.

0:14:03 > 0:14:07There is a lot of acting that involves leaning forward like this

0:14:07 > 0:14:09and then going backwards.

0:14:09 > 0:14:11"Ho, Ha, He," is not the sound that is normally made,

0:14:11 > 0:14:13but repetition is not permitted in this particular

0:14:13 > 0:14:15drinking game that I'm indulging in now.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18A glass of schnapps then vodka,

0:14:18 > 0:14:23wine from Germany, France, Italy - all those extraordinary places.

0:14:23 > 0:14:26Then, of course, Algeria, where it tastes...

0:14:26 > 0:14:27WHISTLE BLOWS

0:14:27 > 0:14:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:14:34 > 0:14:37So, Gyles Brandreth was speaking then as the whistle went,

0:14:37 > 0:14:39gained that extra point. He's moved forward.

0:14:39 > 0:14:43He's now in second place, one point behind Tony Hawks.

0:14:43 > 0:14:46Tony, it's your turn to begin. Ah, a lovely subject. Peter Pan.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49Tell us something about Peter Pan in this game, starting now.

0:14:49 > 0:14:53I've always wondered what Captain Hook was called

0:14:53 > 0:14:55before he had his hand bitten off.

0:14:55 > 0:14:59J M Barrie never really told us that in Peter Pan.

0:14:59 > 0:15:02However, it's a delightful story about a little boy...

0:15:02 > 0:15:04BUZZER

0:15:04 > 0:15:05Gyles challenged.

0:15:05 > 0:15:07Well, just to be a bit nit-picking,

0:15:07 > 0:15:12in fact J M Barrie does tell us in the storybook version of Peter Pan.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15He explains in fact that he went to Eton and that at Eton,

0:15:15 > 0:15:18he was indeed already called Hook.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20There is a whole sequence, this is in the novelisation

0:15:20 > 0:15:23published in 1906, two years after the original play.

0:15:25 > 0:15:29- How do we...?- I'm just throwing this in because this is BBC Two.

0:15:29 > 0:15:30I just feel...

0:15:30 > 0:15:32APPLAUSE

0:15:35 > 0:15:39What you don't know, Gyles, is I've got a computer under here.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42I've googled it and you're talking absolute rubbish.

0:15:42 > 0:15:46- He made the whole thing up! - Can you get the weather on that?

0:15:48 > 0:15:51On this one I am right. James Hook.

0:15:51 > 0:15:54There's a sequence, there's a paragraph. He wrote a novelisation.

0:15:54 > 0:15:58You're saying he was called James Hook and it's just a coincidence

0:15:58 > 0:16:01that he had his hand bitten off and then was called Hook?

0:16:01 > 0:16:06- Yes.- That's extraordinary. - That what J M Barrie...

0:16:06 > 0:16:08People all over the country on BBC Two are turning off now.

0:16:08 > 0:16:11I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, Gyles,

0:16:11 > 0:16:13and say that you have an incorrect challenge.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16Another point to you. Peter Pan is still with you,

0:16:16 > 0:16:17- 46 seconds, starting now.- I think...

0:16:17 > 0:16:21- No...- He doesn't really know who was talking before.

0:16:22 > 0:16:26You said, "Incorrect challenge, continue talking."

0:16:26 > 0:16:30So we both began at the same time. I challenged.

0:16:32 > 0:16:36OK, let's start from the War. We won the War in 1945.

0:16:36 > 0:16:391946, we went in the Repertory...

0:16:39 > 0:16:40APPLAUSE

0:16:40 > 0:16:44Then we had the Beatles, man on the moon...

0:16:44 > 0:16:47Can I also point out, I've been doing this show for 45 years.

0:16:47 > 0:16:52Never missed a performance, I've never had a moment like this before.

0:16:52 > 0:16:55Apart from 1972 through to 1978.

0:16:55 > 0:17:02- You are wicked, you really are. Where are we?- About 46 seconds.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04Quite a long time to go.

0:17:04 > 0:17:07I know, you've got it, Gyles. I said you had 46 seconds.

0:17:07 > 0:17:11- Peter Pan with you, Gyles, so I was correct.- Yes.- Starting now.

0:17:11 > 0:17:13The part to play, of course, is the role of Tinkerbell,

0:17:13 > 0:17:16which I have assayed myself on more than one occasion.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Wendy is a delightful role also,

0:17:18 > 0:17:20and of course, the name is one originated by...

0:17:20 > 0:17:21BUZZER

0:17:21 > 0:17:25- Tony challenged.- I think he did say 'role' twice.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27Oh, oh, oh, ohh.

0:17:27 > 0:17:32Well listened. You have a correct challenge now which I agree with.

0:17:34 > 0:17:3641 seconds, Tony. Peter Pan, starting now.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39A young man who will not...

0:17:39 > 0:17:40BUZZER

0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Paul challenged. - Did we have 'young' before?

0:17:42 > 0:17:44- Yes, we did.- We didn't.

0:17:44 > 0:17:48Didn't we? Who thinks we had 'young' before?

0:17:49 > 0:17:53- We had a young boy before. - There was a repetition of 'young.'

0:17:53 > 0:17:56- Did I say young boy?- You changed lad to boy but you said 'young.'

0:17:56 > 0:18:00- Probably did.- Paul, correct challenge. You have 39 seconds.

0:18:00 > 0:18:03Tell us something about Peter Pan in this game, starting now.

0:18:03 > 0:18:05Peter Pan - young boy, lad, adolescent.

0:18:05 > 0:18:06BUZZER

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Liza challenged.

0:18:08 > 0:18:12I just thought there was a bit of that gap between lad and adolescent.

0:18:12 > 0:18:16- There was, but not enough to give him hesitation, really.- Just saying.

0:18:16 > 0:18:19So, Paul, an incorrect challenge. You have another point.

0:18:19 > 0:18:22You have 36 seconds, Peter Pan, starting now.

0:18:22 > 0:18:25J M Barrie, as Gyles said, created this timeless immortal creature

0:18:25 > 0:18:28back at the turn of the last century.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30What a magnificent story. It's been...

0:18:30 > 0:18:31BUZZER

0:18:31 > 0:18:33Tony challenged.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36I don't think it was the turn of the last century,

0:18:36 > 0:18:37it was the century before.

0:18:37 > 0:18:40Has anyone got a calendar? OK, let's go back to the War.

0:18:40 > 0:18:451945, we beat the Germans then there's the Beatles then there was space, Margaret Thatcher.

0:18:45 > 0:18:49Wasn't the turn of the last century when we turned from the 20th to the 21st century?

0:18:49 > 0:18:51He did it at the turn of the 19th and 20th century.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Maybe that's right.- That is right.

0:18:53 > 0:18:55So it was the turn of the 19th century so you're incorrect.

0:18:55 > 0:18:58- Yes, I am.- Yes, that's right.

0:18:58 > 0:19:00I'm glad we're in total agreement on that.

0:19:02 > 0:19:06Right, so, Tony, another point. 27 seconds, Peter Pan, starting now.

0:19:06 > 0:19:10Like Peter Pan, our esteemed host refuses to grow old.

0:19:10 > 0:19:13Look at him, he's wearing shorts under there like a little lad

0:19:13 > 0:19:14and he was parading...

0:19:14 > 0:19:15BUZZER

0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Paul challenged. - Repetition of lad.

0:19:18 > 0:19:23APPLAUSE

0:19:24 > 0:19:27We did have a lad before, so, Paul, correct challenge.

0:19:27 > 0:19:30You have 19 seconds on Peter Pan, starting now.

0:19:30 > 0:19:32I remember the cartoon version very well.

0:19:32 > 0:19:36Made by Walt Disney sometime around 1960-something, I think.

0:19:36 > 0:19:37BUZZER

0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Gyles challenged.- 1954.

0:19:40 > 0:19:44Yes. It is '54, I think he's absolutely right.

0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Sometime around 1960 given the course of time.- I think so.

0:19:47 > 0:19:50I gave the benefit of the doubt against you last time.

0:19:50 > 0:19:53The wrong decade - '55 maybe, '53, '51.

0:19:53 > 0:19:551960-something or other, surely?

0:19:57 > 0:19:59It was the same century!

0:19:59 > 0:20:01But you wouldn't know which century that was!

0:20:01 > 0:20:03That's true, I don't, actually.

0:20:03 > 0:20:05You see how passionate they get about this game!

0:20:05 > 0:20:07They will fight for their points like this!

0:20:07 > 0:20:10You've all gone very quiet.

0:20:10 > 0:20:13Anyway, no, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.

0:20:13 > 0:20:17Right, 13 seconds available, Paul. Peter Pan, starting now.

0:20:17 > 0:20:21Wendy was a name that was invented specifically for the play.

0:20:21 > 0:20:23Nobody had been... Oh.

0:20:23 > 0:20:24BUZZER

0:20:24 > 0:20:26Gyles, you got in this time correctly.

0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Yes, hesitation.- Absolutely.

0:20:28 > 0:20:30You didn't get through before but you've got the subject anyway.

0:20:30 > 0:20:33Eight seconds, Peter Pan, starting now.

0:20:33 > 0:20:36In any production of Peter Pan in which I intend to appear,

0:20:36 > 0:20:37I hope the role of Hook...

0:20:37 > 0:20:38BUZZER

0:20:38 > 0:20:41- Tony challenged. - Third time he said 'role.'

0:20:41 > 0:20:44No. This was... I suppose, yes.

0:20:44 > 0:20:47APPLAUSE

0:20:51 > 0:20:53You listened well, Tony.

0:20:53 > 0:20:56I loved the way his machinations were going there.

0:20:56 > 0:20:59"I can get out of this, I can get out..."

0:20:59 > 0:21:01But he couldn't.

0:21:01 > 0:21:05This round has gone on for an awful long time, hasn't it?

0:21:05 > 0:21:10Three seconds still available. Tony, Peter Pan, starting now.

0:21:10 > 0:21:13What an amazing part for any actor to play. To tread the boards...

0:21:13 > 0:21:14WHISTLE BLOWS

0:21:14 > 0:21:17APPLAUSE

0:21:22 > 0:21:26So, Tony Hawks speaking as the whistle went gains that extra point.

0:21:26 > 0:21:31He's in a strong lead ahead of Paul Merton and Gyles Brandreth, equally second place.

0:21:31 > 0:21:35Liza bringing up a magnificent third place.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Paul, we'd like you to begin the next round.

0:21:37 > 0:21:39Oh, a very pompous subject.

0:21:39 > 0:21:41Sir Isaac Newton.

0:21:41 > 0:21:44Tell us about Sir Isaac Newton in this game, starting now.

0:21:44 > 0:21:47Sir Isaac Newton had a pet tortoise called Fluffy.

0:21:47 > 0:21:50This creature was a magnificent visionary.

0:21:50 > 0:21:54It said to Isaac Newton one day, "You know, I've been thinking about the law of gravity."

0:21:54 > 0:21:58"What particular aspect of that subject you've just mentioned

0:21:58 > 0:22:00"do you wish to talk to me about?" said Isaac Newton.

0:22:00 > 0:22:06His round, hard-shelled companion said, "If we look to the skies,

0:22:06 > 0:22:11"we can see meteorites and various planetary bodies heading towards us,

0:22:11 > 0:22:15"but how come they do not break the Earth's atmosphere?"

0:22:15 > 0:22:17Some do. Others penetrate. They come down...

0:22:17 > 0:22:18BUZZER

0:22:18 > 0:22:22- Tony challenged. - Was there repetition of 'penetrate?'

0:22:22 > 0:22:24- No.- "How come they don't..?"

0:22:27 > 0:22:30What an odd word to imagine I said twice!

0:22:30 > 0:22:33Reverie!

0:22:33 > 0:22:35I thought he said "They penetrate the atmosphere" and again.

0:22:35 > 0:22:40I wasn't really listening. I'm not the one to speak to.

0:22:40 > 0:22:43To be honest, with a tortoise, you're never sure what they're saying.

0:22:43 > 0:22:45You don't know, they're very slow.

0:22:45 > 0:22:48I don't believe a tortoise spoke to Isaac Newton!

0:22:48 > 0:22:50It wasn't called Fluffy anyway.

0:22:51 > 0:22:54You didn't challenge for that, so an incorrect challenge, Paul.

0:22:54 > 0:22:59You have Sir Isaac Newton still and 26 seconds starting now.

0:22:59 > 0:23:02Isaac Newton became a member of the House of Lords, I believe,

0:23:02 > 0:23:04and the only utterance he ever made

0:23:04 > 0:23:07in his entire attendance in that venerable building was to ask

0:23:07 > 0:23:10if somebody would mind if he opened the window. This is a true fact.

0:23:10 > 0:23:12BUZZER

0:23:12 > 0:23:13Liza challenged.

0:23:13 > 0:23:16Actually, I think it's, "Would you mind if you shut the window?"

0:23:16 > 0:23:17It is, you're right.

0:23:17 > 0:23:20APPLAUSE

0:23:26 > 0:23:29That's why we have you, Liza, for your erudition and knowledge.

0:23:29 > 0:23:32Right, you got in with a correct challenge and 13 seconds to go.

0:23:32 > 0:23:35Sir Isaac Newton, starting now.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38Sir Isaac Newton was a premature baby,

0:23:38 > 0:23:41born ridiculously enough on Christmas Day,

0:23:41 > 0:23:44three months after his father passed on.

0:23:44 > 0:23:48His interesting life began with his mother taking care of him

0:23:48 > 0:23:49because she was very worried...

0:23:49 > 0:23:51WHISTLE BLOWS

0:23:51 > 0:23:55APPLAUSE

0:23:55 > 0:23:58So, Liza Tarbuck was speaking as the whistle went

0:23:58 > 0:24:00and gained that extra point.

0:24:00 > 0:24:04She's moved forward. She's still in fourth place but she's moved forward.

0:24:04 > 0:24:08She's in a very strong fourth place. Points are secondary.

0:24:08 > 0:24:10BELL RINGS

0:24:10 > 0:24:13Oh. Means we've only got time for one more round.

0:24:13 > 0:24:17I was going to check because I thought my mother was calling me in for afternoon tea.

0:24:17 > 0:24:21Either way, you might be amused to know that Sir Isaac Newton

0:24:21 > 0:24:26was also born in Grantham, the town where I was also born.

0:24:27 > 0:24:30You couldn't care less, really.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33What was it that fell on your head then?

0:24:36 > 0:24:41- The reaction from that audience there!- The tree.

0:24:41 > 0:24:44We've got time for one more round. Gyles, it's your turn to begin.

0:24:44 > 0:24:47- Oh, Speed Dating.- He's an expert.

0:24:47 > 0:24:5060 seconds starting now.

0:24:50 > 0:24:53You live and learn, then you die and forget it all,

0:24:53 > 0:24:57and speed dating is an experience that I have had and it was brief.

0:24:57 > 0:25:01I'm sorry to tell you, I arrived at the speed dating parlour.

0:25:01 > 0:25:02It was a public house, girls all lined up.

0:25:02 > 0:25:04I sat down and none of them sat down with me.

0:25:04 > 0:25:05BUZZER

0:25:05 > 0:25:09- Tony.- Yes, you're right. - Two sat downs.- Two sat downs.

0:25:09 > 0:25:13I'm glad I didn't because this was a very bitter story.

0:25:15 > 0:25:18Tony, you challenged. You have speed dating.

0:25:18 > 0:25:21You don't have it but that's the subject.

0:25:21 > 0:25:2245 seconds starting now.

0:25:22 > 0:25:25Many years ago, I played the piano in a wine bar

0:25:25 > 0:25:28where they decided to hold some speed dating.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30It was extraordinary.

0:25:30 > 0:25:34People sat down, then another person would be rolled in opposite.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36A clock would start and they'd chat. The minute,

0:25:36 > 0:25:39a bit like this game, would be up and they'd move on to somebody else.

0:25:39 > 0:25:40It was extraordinary.

0:25:40 > 0:25:42BUZZER

0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Liza, you challenged. - Two extraordinarys.

0:25:45 > 0:25:46Yes. Well spotted.

0:25:46 > 0:25:48Liza, You've got in on this last subject.

0:25:48 > 0:25:52There are 27 seconds, speed dating, starting now.

0:25:52 > 0:25:53I can't really see the point of speed dating

0:25:53 > 0:25:56because I think it's all about giving the other person the eye,

0:25:56 > 0:25:58not really getting to know them.

0:25:58 > 0:25:59Don't...

0:25:59 > 0:26:01BUZZER

0:26:01 > 0:26:04- Paul, you challenged first. - Hesitation.

0:26:04 > 0:26:09- I was just stopped with him doing that.- How can you..?

0:26:09 > 0:26:12- Were you being interfered with? - I was, I was being messed about.

0:26:12 > 0:26:14I was going to say, how can you say speed dating..?

0:26:14 > 0:26:18Chauffeur's window, can't hear you.

0:26:18 > 0:26:22APPLAUSE

0:26:24 > 0:26:27You get a bonus point for your reaction there,

0:26:27 > 0:26:30for your comment and your wit which got a wonderful reaction from the audience.

0:26:30 > 0:26:33Liza has another point. Give her two, she needs them.

0:26:36 > 0:26:40Give her three because it's the last round. That's better, yes.

0:26:40 > 0:26:42Paul, you had a correct challenge.

0:26:42 > 0:26:44Speed dating, 19 seconds, starting now.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47There I was going round with Lewis Hamilton.

0:26:47 > 0:26:48He was doing about 120 mph

0:26:48 > 0:26:51and I was trying to catch up with him at Brands Hatch

0:26:51 > 0:26:54and I suddenly shouted through the cockpit window, "I love you.

0:26:54 > 0:26:58"You are the world's most exciting racing driver as far as I'm concerned."

0:26:58 > 0:27:00Then he was gone. Then I saw somebody else right behind him.

0:27:00 > 0:27:03I thought, "I shall adjust my eye towards this man here.

0:27:03 > 0:27:05"This Formula One driver..."

0:27:05 > 0:27:06WHISTLE BLOWS

0:27:06 > 0:27:09APPLAUSE

0:27:15 > 0:27:18So, Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went

0:27:18 > 0:27:19and gained that extra point.

0:27:19 > 0:27:22It remains to me to give you the final situation.

0:27:22 > 0:27:25Well, with a little bit of help from me just then, Liza Tarbuck

0:27:25 > 0:27:30and Gyles Brandreth and Paul Merton are all equal in second place.

0:27:30 > 0:27:35APPLAUSE

0:27:38 > 0:27:42But Tony Hawks got a few more points, shall we say,

0:27:42 > 0:27:43Tony, you're the winner today.

0:27:43 > 0:27:48APPLAUSE

0:27:51 > 0:27:53And it only remains for me to say a final thank you

0:27:53 > 0:27:57to these four fine players of this amazing, impossible game.

0:27:57 > 0:28:00It's goodbye from this delightful audience here at the Television Centre,

0:28:00 > 0:28:03it's goodbye from me, Nicholas Parsons,

0:28:03 > 0:28:05and goodbye from these four lovely players of the game.

0:28:05 > 0:28:09Do join us again the next time we play Just a Minute!

0:28:09 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE

0:28:18 > 0:28:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd