0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language
0:00:06 > 0:00:08I'm Kevin Bridges. This is Kevin Bridges: What's The Story?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11As a comedian, I'm often asked how I came up with my material.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15I'm not asked that often, but I've been asked once
0:00:15 > 0:00:18by an old guy in the post office, and now by the BBC, so here we are.
0:00:18 > 0:00:23This series, I'll go behind the jokes and show you the real-life stories behind my comedy routines.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25This episode, growing up.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Most of my comedy heroes had pretty horrific and dysfunctional upbringings.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00I had a relatively happy childhood, so straight away I was at a disadvantage
0:01:00 > 0:01:04in the world of stand-up comedy, so thanks for that, Mum and Dad.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I grew up round here, a humble area.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09We weren't poor, but we weren't the most affluent of families.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We didn't have money, but we had each other.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19I've always had a good relationship with my parents, especially my dad.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22You know when you're seven, eight, nine years old,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25as a young guy, traditionally, your dad is your hero, isn't he?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27He's your role model. He knows everything.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29You want to follow in the guy's footsteps.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You want to emulate the guy.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Then you get to about 12 years old, you realise your dad's an arsehole.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45It's a perfectly natural stage in adolescence,
0:01:45 > 0:01:47discovering that your dad's a bit of a knob.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51That's just what happens. It normally happens on Christmas Day,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54and involves building something.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02I'd be sitting there, working patiently away, using the instruction manual.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05My dad would come in. See, my dad is of the old school,
0:02:05 > 0:02:11where the use of an instruction manual is viewed as an admission of homosexuality.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19That can get tae fuck!
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Where's the claw hammer?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I first tried comedy at 17, and I didn't have much life experience
0:02:39 > 0:02:44to talk about, but Mum and Dad were very supportive right from the off.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48I first ever told you that I was going to try stand-up, is that right?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- That's right.- In this kitchen. - That's right.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Before it got painted for the BBC. Before you sold out.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56We've even got fruit in the bowl.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59When was the last time anybody in this house ate fruit?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I was trying to impress the crew.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05We're giving you a false image of ourselves, here.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I remember I told you in this very kitchen I was going to try stand-up comedy,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11and your words to me were, "You'd better tell your dad." And I thought, "Oh, no.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14"I've come up with a good idea, and he's going to ruin it with writing
0:03:14 > 0:03:16"loads of jokes, and stuff like that,"
0:03:16 > 0:03:17which pretty much happened, is that right?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Aye.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Your dad was pretty cool about it,
0:03:21 > 0:03:25and didnae have any suspicions that I wasnae up the pole.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Up the pole!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31We need to explain. There's going to be a lot of Scottish references.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Up the pole. I don't even know what that means.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I know what it means, but I don't know how to explain what it means.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39It means worried. Up the pole. She was up the pole.
0:03:43 > 0:03:49We had Sky through a satellite dish, 1998. You could be watching Sky TV.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I don't know if anybody remembers old-school Sky.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55You could be watching Sky TV in the living room television,
0:03:55 > 0:04:00but you could also go upstairs, to the bedroom TVs and watch Sky,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03but only what the person in the living room...
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Only what they were watching.
0:04:09 > 0:04:15I don't know the intrinsic technical explanation as to why that happened, but it just did.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20Saturday nights, me and my dad watching Match Of The Day.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24It gets to the, kind of, shite games, and I say,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27"Right, I think I'm going to go to bed, Dad.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29"Good night."
0:04:41 > 0:04:44And he continues the charade. He says, "Are you going to bed, son?
0:04:44 > 0:04:45"h, that's fine."
0:04:45 > 0:04:46"Good night."
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And there's that mutual father and son,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59"We both know what the plan is here."
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Bedroom TV switched on, go to channel number six,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14that's when you see what he's watching, number six.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19TVs are synchronised, but he's in control.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Looking at the bottom right of the TV,
0:05:22 > 0:05:24waiting for the numbers to get typed out.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29The numbers that could make or break the evening's entertainment.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Waiting for the numbers. Go on, play your numbers, give me your numbers.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Nine. That's good.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Zero, five. The ten-minute freeview, jackpot!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:57 > 0:05:59You're a dirty bastard, Dad, but I love you.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Do you not think it a little bit weird,
0:06:05 > 0:06:09me and you, sitting on the edge of the bed, talking about porn?
0:06:09 > 0:06:13On the telly. It would be even more weird if we were under the covers!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17We're on the edge of the bed, on top of the covers,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19talking about porn, so it's not just as bad as it could be.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23When I first done the Sky routine, how did you feel about it?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27- Being the butt of the joke? - The butt of the Sky joke.- Right.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31- Loosely based on a true story. Loosely based.- Allegedly!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Loosely based on 100% fact.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37When you finish that joke, you look to your audience and you say,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40"You might be a dirty bastard, Dad, but I love you."
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- You may have portrayed me has an arsehole.- Yeah.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45But you love this arsehole.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- Bye-bye.- Cheers.- Oh, aye. - Take care now.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Andy.- Cheerio, Kevin. Be good.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- Bye-bye.- Bye-bye.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Growing up, I always had too much respect for comedians
0:07:04 > 0:07:09to think that just being funny amongst your mates was enough to be a stand-up.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13I saw it as something that was for other people.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17At 16, I read Frank Skinner's autobiography,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20and I was fascinated by how much I could relate to the guy,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and how accessible the world of stand-up now seemed.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29It convinced me to book myself an open mic spot and give it a go.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I went to talk to Frank about him being a role model,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35an influence, and a bit of a hero of mine.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Frank, the opening line of your autobiography says
0:07:38 > 0:07:42you find it hard to believe that anybody would be remotely interested in your life.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47- Mmm.- And then I read it, and it made me start stand-up, so thank you for that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48I was interested.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Yeah, well, I've heard that.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Someone said to me, you know, there was this guy on the Jonathan Ross Show,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57and he said you're the reason he's a stand-up, and stuff.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I said, "Was he funny?"
0:07:59 > 0:08:01And they said yeah, I said, "Oh, that's good!"
0:08:01 > 0:08:06I don't want to launch another rubbish comedian into the world.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09No, I was very moved when I heard that.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- How old were you when you started stand-up?- I was a late developer.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I was 30, I think, when I did my first gig.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Because there's a bit in your book, the line, amongst other lines,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21was when you said you'd hate to look back on your life
0:08:21 > 0:08:24and wonder what would have happened if you'd tried stand-up.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26That's what kicked me off.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Just thinking if I was, like, 75, and I thought,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31"Oh, I wonder if I could have been a stand-up."
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Aye.- It would have killed me.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37To try and fail, fine, but not to try, nightmare.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I was, how can I put this?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I don't want to sound like some tragic figure,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45but I wasn't going anywhere in life.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48When I was coming up to my 30th birthday,
0:08:48 > 0:08:50my mate's girlfriend said to me,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54"So, what's it like being 30 and on the scrapheap?"
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- In those words?- Exactly those words.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02And then, suddenly, I found this job, and I thought,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04"Man, I love this, I'm not letting this go."
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Aye.- The first two gigs were horrible.- Yeah.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11The third gig, I got massive laughs, and met someone
0:09:11 > 0:09:15and went back to their place and had a night of fabulous lust,
0:09:15 > 0:09:20and I can honestly say I was more excited about the laughs.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Right.- That's when I knew that was the job I wanted to do.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27My first gig went well, and everybody was, my dad had come along to the show,
0:09:27 > 0:09:31and he was emotional, going, "Amazing, it's brilliant.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33"Just got up there and tried stand-up, amazing."
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- And I was starting to panic, because your gig had went bad.- Yeah.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39So I thought, "Right, I'm going to have opposite careers from Frank Skinner."
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It's going to go like that.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I've done it the wrong way about, and it's just going to go down.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Can I just say, I had a slight tingle go through me when you said that.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50It's brilliant. I'm really so, so glad that that happened.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Because when I went full-time, I never had a job to quit,
0:09:53 > 0:09:58I was packing shelves in the Co-op, or working in T.K.Maxx, just packing.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I was in charge of the dressing rooms in the clothes shop.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- You gave them the number, with the three items.- Oh, you were one of those people?
0:10:04 > 0:10:09I always thought that's a great excuse to stand close to the changing booths!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13If you've got one of those numbers in your hand, you can basically go in there with them!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17That's a ticket to paradise, that number!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Imagine how gutted I was when I turned my back on it(!)
0:10:19 > 0:10:21You haven't got any spare numbers left, have you?
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I was the guy that would count your items and then give you a number,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29so if you were trying on three items, I gave you a number three.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36And if you were trying on four items, I gave you a number four.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38But we only had numbers one to six,
0:10:38 > 0:10:42and this one time, a woman was trying on seven items,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44and everybody was fucking freaking out!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I said, "Calm ourselves, let's just calm ourselves."
0:10:55 > 0:10:57"Give me the six."
0:10:58 > 0:10:59"Give me the one."
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Problem solved!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Thanks for your time, and thanks, a general thank you.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12No, well, I mean, thank you, first of all,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16for owning up to the fact that I had any influence,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19because a lot of people, a lot of comics are not terribly charitable.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- For owning up?- So I appreciate.
0:11:21 > 0:11:27No, to be honest, I am genuinely pleased that somebody read that book.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Someone wrote to me and said, "I read that book and I stopped drinking."
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Someone wrote to me and said, "I read that book and I returned to the Catholic Church,"
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and you started comedy.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I've changed the world! I am pleased about that, and don't let me down.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- Don't worry. I started reading your second book.- Oh, yeah?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- And it just became...I read it, like, six months ago.- OK.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50But it was too much, it was too realistic.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53When I read your first book, stand-up's really glamorous.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Oh, but now you've done. Yeah, well, I can't tell you anything now.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- Now it's just hotels.- Now it's like The Sorceror's Apprentice.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Frank's book inspired me at an early age to start stand-up,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11and it opened up the world to me.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14It gave me a new way to spend my weekends, and it was an escape
0:12:14 > 0:12:18from the more standard social activities of a Scottish teenager.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Remember when you get your first taste of independence,
0:12:22 > 0:12:27when word had spread in your school that somebody's mum and dad were going away for the weekend?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32And that the guy or girl were having a party?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35They never knew they were having a party.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Perhaps having is the wrong choice of word. They were getting a party.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49I don't mean the kind of high school parties that you see in American movies.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- IN AN AMERICAN ACCENT:- "Hey, hey! You guys know Chad Hogan?"
0:13:01 > 0:13:03"Yeah, of course, man. Everybody knows Chad Hogan, man!
0:13:09 > 0:13:14"Chad Hogan's mom and dad are going away to Long Island for the weekend, man!"
0:13:14 > 0:13:17"There's a party at Chad Hogan's mom and dad's? Yeah! Wooo!
0:13:17 > 0:13:21"Spring Break! Yeah! Wooo!"
0:13:23 > 0:13:27"Chad Hogan's parties are awesome, man! Wooo!"
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Then it shows you Chad Hogan's party.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Chad Hogan's booked a band for his living room.
0:13:38 > 0:13:44"Great party, Chad! Wooo! Yeah! Let's go get some Dip 'n Chip!"
0:13:48 > 0:13:53Everybody's nodding to the music with these plastic cups of beer that nobody knows who brought them.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54"Wooo! Yeah!"
0:13:56 > 0:14:00They're not the kind of parties we had. We never had their kind of parties.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03We never had Spring Break. We had the Easter holidays.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12When I was growing up, it was called an empty. An empty.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:22 > 0:14:26It derives from "We've got an empty house. We've got an empty."
0:14:28 > 0:14:30The house is empty. It's an empty.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33You never had Spring Break...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37..or Chad Hogan, or bands at an empty.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39An empty was a far more tense affair.
0:14:43 > 0:14:50Somebody's furious cousin would disrupt the ambience by announcing that he'd purchased 12 cans.
0:14:50 > 0:14:56Drank two, gave one away, but there's only seven left!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09"Turn that down! We've got a can thief! Fucking turn that down!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Somebody else in the corner, just trying on people's jackets.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29"Do you think this one suits me?"
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Not even asking, "Does it fit me? Does it suit me?"
0:15:34 > 0:15:37The guy's a petty criminal, but you need to look your best, don't you?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42The same guy that's leaving the house at the end of the night holding a microwave.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47"I think you'll find I brought this with me."
0:15:53 > 0:15:55"And I do not care for the accusation!"
0:16:04 > 0:16:08When I first performed the Chad Hogan routine on stage,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I had no idea it would soon result in me
0:16:11 > 0:16:15receiving an invite to America, the land of the free,
0:16:15 > 0:16:19the home of the brave, and all the other stuff that they bang on about.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23To me, it's the land of the college party and the home of Chad Hogan.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Chad Hogan was nothing to me, other than a good name
0:16:29 > 0:16:33for the quintessential American party-organising teenager.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36As far as I was concerned, he was a purely fictional creation,
0:16:36 > 0:16:42until a few months ago, I received this e-mail, which reads as follows.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46"Kevin, my name is Chad Hogan, and I'm American. No lie.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49"You're a genius and fricking hilarious." Oh, cheers, buddy.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54"Because of your comedy sketch, The Empty, I've had literally thousands of people add me on Facebook
0:16:54 > 0:16:56"from Glasgow and round the UK.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59"You've made me famous! Ha-ha-ha, it's great!
0:16:59 > 0:17:05"You're brilliant. You should check it out on Facebook. Thanks. Chad Hogan. Chip 'n Dip."
0:17:05 > 0:17:07America!
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Chad Hogan's state of Utah is the home of the Mormon Church,
0:17:13 > 0:17:20and it also has very strict laws on selling alcohol - a potentially devastating blow to the party.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25It didn't matter to me, though, if there was booze, as long as they had central heating.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Saturday night. I'm off to get down and hang with Chad and his homeboys.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Let's hope there's some hot chicks!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37It's clearly wintertime, but still, Spring Break!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43MUSIC PLAYS FROM HOUSE
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Oh!- There's the man!
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Chad!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55CHEERING
0:17:59 > 0:18:01What's up?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- How's it going?- My man!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Yeah!
0:18:07 > 0:18:13ALL: "KEVIN, KEVIN, KEVIN, KEVIN!"
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- This is your place?- This is it. This is the party, right here!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Have we got a hot tub? Somebody said we've got a hot tub.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- We've got a hot tub. - Let's go and see the hot tub, man.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- You want to see the hot tub? - Give me a tour.- Chip 'n Dip?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Is there Chip 'n Dip, as well?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31You lead the way.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Oh, yes.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- Microwave's still here. No-one stole it, yet! No-one stole it, yet. We're still good.- Amazing.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44I'd like to thank you all. Thank you all for coming out.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Party, party tonight. We've got Kevin Bridges in the house!
0:18:48 > 0:18:49CHEERING
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Make some noise!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Give it up for Chad Hogan, man!
0:18:57 > 0:19:01CHEERING
0:19:01 > 0:19:02When I say Chad, you say Hogan!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Chad!- Hogan!- Chad!- Hogan!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09When I say chip, you say dip!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- Chip!- Dip!- Chip!- Dip!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Are you guys ready to party?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15CHEERING
0:19:15 > 0:19:18# Sometimes I give myself the creeps
0:19:21 > 0:19:25# Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. #
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Red plastic cups, Chip 'n Dip, a band,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33and all without a drop of alcohol.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38My host hasn't disappointed, but there is one specific thing that I need to verify.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Are you guys coming back later? Pay me a visit?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- How smooth is this guy? - Just chatting with the ladies!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50If I was to say that, I'd sound like a pervert, but he makes it sound awesome.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Genuinely, your name is Chad Hogan. - Chad Hogan.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58It's not a childhood nickname?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I don't want to see your passport and it says, like, Barry Hogan,
0:20:01 > 0:20:02but your friends call you Chad.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Everyone calls me Chad. - Are you Chad Hogan?- Chad Hogan.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06Have you got any ID?
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I don't mean that as if I'm going to sell you fireworks, I just mean, like...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Chad Hogan, right there. - This is your card?
0:20:12 > 0:20:17- Chad D Hogan. Can we see that? - He's there. Licence.
0:20:17 > 0:20:23- What does the D stand for?- Daniel. Chad "Da Man" Hogan.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Chad D Hogan. Just making sure you're not a fraud. The real deal.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Man in the flesh.- My man! Big up, man.
0:20:28 > 0:20:34MUSIC: "Feel Good Inc" by Gorillaz
0:20:34 > 0:20:38The tour of the party had one final destination.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I love you!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Chad had saved the best for last.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47Definitely something I have never seen at any party I've been to.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48A hot tub.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55- What's up, Kevin?- You came to the right party!- Chad Hogan's party!
0:20:57 > 0:21:02See, in Scotland, that would be used as a toilet by about midnight.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Yeah! Woo-hoo!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13MUSIC: "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Chad's party, as predicted, is as far removed from my experiences of an Empty
0:21:17 > 0:21:22as it's possible to be, despite there being one reminder of Scotland.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25# I would walk 500 miles
0:21:25 > 0:21:29# And I would walk 500 more
0:21:29 > 0:21:32# Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
0:21:32 > 0:21:36# To fall down at your door
0:21:36 > 0:21:37# Da Da Da, Da Da Da
0:21:37 > 0:21:39# Da Da Da, Da Da Da
0:21:39 > 0:21:42# Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da. #
0:21:42 > 0:21:47CHEERING
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Chad Hogan!
0:21:54 > 0:21:58ALL: "CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD!"
0:22:07 > 0:22:08# The name is Chad Hogan
0:22:08 > 0:22:09# And we partied hard in Logan
0:22:09 > 0:22:10# With Kevin Bridges, it was a rave
0:22:10 > 0:22:12# Until he stole my microwave. #
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Holler!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21The morning after the party, I hooked up with Chad,
0:22:21 > 0:22:26and we made our way to Angie's Diner for breakfast, and to discuss the night before,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30as well as to give me the chance to explain this whole situation to the poor guy.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- I don't know if I owe you an apology about the whole thing.- No!
0:22:35 > 0:22:38About what happened, because I got the e-mail, and you said,
0:22:38 > 0:22:42"My name's Chad Hogan, I'm American," and you said you'd got bombarded on Facebook.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46I never even considered the fact there might be an actual guy whose name is Chad Hogan.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So, what's it like waking up after a party and you feel totally fresh?
0:22:49 > 0:22:50It's good, it's good.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Do you go, "Oh, man, you should have seen you last night! You were so sober!"
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Do you wake up going, "Oh, my God, I was so sober last night!"
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- I remember everything I did last night.- I've never felt so hydrated!
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- So, why don't you drink? A religious reason?- Yeah. Religious reasons.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- The Mormons, that's the Church of the Latter-day Saints.- Yep.- Cool.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12That's why you don't get any booze, but I think it's still good that you have a good party.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Yeah, it's good.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16There was much more energy in your parties than there would ever be in our parties.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Yeah.- Because, alcohol. - How's the parties in Scotland?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I think alcohol drains the atmosphere a little bit.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25It makes it at first, because everybody's drunk and they lose their inhibitions,
0:23:25 > 0:23:26but then they just get a bit...
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- Throwing up, breaking things. - Being sick and fighting, stuff like that.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- Thanks for being understanding. - Thank you.- Nice one.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- Can you say Spring Break? - Spring Break!- When is Spring Break?
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Is it April sort of time?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- Yeah. March, April.- March, April. Spring, basically.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Yep.- Spring Break's in spring.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49The trip to Utah to party with Chad Hogan was a bit surreal,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51but probably more for him than me.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Good luck to Chad for the rest of his college days,
0:23:54 > 0:23:56and hopefully he'll do a bit better than me.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Before comedy, I attended college briefly. Very briefly.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Used to study psychology, for three weeks. That was my thing.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Psychology. Three weeks studying psychology. Get a bit freaked out.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Sigmund Freud, he was a sex pest.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18He had a theory that young guys have sexual feelings towards their own mothers.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I remember reading this, and thinking, "The guy's obviously never seen my mother."
0:24:25 > 0:24:27A lovely woman, but you wouldn't ride her into battle.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Psychology at college wasn't what I hoped it would be,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42but I still have a fascination with people and their behaviour,
0:24:42 > 0:24:43but it got me wondering,
0:24:43 > 0:24:48what would it be like if my behaviour was examined in an intimate therapy session?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Just me, a therapist and a full television crew.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55How are you, Laura? Or should you ask me that, at the start?
0:24:57 > 0:25:02Do you usually start? It seems that you don't like spaces and gaps and silences.
0:25:02 > 0:25:08No, it's just because it's my first time in therapy, so I don't know how we start.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- So, I'll ask you how you are, then.- OK.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Is that how it's done? Is there a set way?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- What would you like to use the time for?- A check-up.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- Do people come for a check-up? - That I would say you're OK?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- Just a routine sort of, am I right in the head?- Do you think you're OK?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Erm, borderline.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32I don't know. I've got my hang-ups and stuff like that.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37I worry quite a lot. OK. I'm a compulsive worrier.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- What kind of things worry you? - I don't know.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41If I'm performing at night, if I've got a show.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Even if it doesn't start until eight o'clock at night,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47I'll wake up at ten in the morning.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49So you've got ten hours of worrying?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52I don't actually worry about the gig, but I feel on edge,
0:25:52 > 0:25:53and I think that makes me worry.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57The only time I relax is when I go on stage at night.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- My experience, when I've seen you perform live...- Have you seen me?
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- I've seen you.- Was it good? - Is that important?- I don't know.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05That I think it is?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Well, of course, I'd like to think the customer got value.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11It's only a throwaway question, if you enjoyed the show.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14I don't know why I'm starting to panic. Did you enjoy the show?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- You are starting to panic. - A wee bit.- Are you?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20What are you panicking about? What do you feel anxious about?
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Well, when somebody says, "Oh, I've seen your show," I'd ask, "Did you enjoy it?"
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- Right.- And then you came back at me with a question.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31"Why is that important?", which would suggest you never enjoyed it.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Because I've come back at you and asked you a question,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37your interpretation is that I must have then not enjoyed it.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Well, I'm just thinking you might not want to say, "I thought you were shite",
0:26:41 > 0:26:44or, "No, I never enjoyed it." You've took a diversion.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- Back to you, which is what we're here to talk about.- Yep.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Did you enjoy the show?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53No?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Oh, well. You win some, you lose some.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- I loved the show.- You loved the show?- I loved the show.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59You're just saying that.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Do you watch The Sopranos?
0:27:01 > 0:27:06I feel a bit like Tony Soprano speaking to his shrink.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- AS TONY SOPRANO:- You know who I am, you know what I do.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Is that me trying to cover something up, there?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- What do you think?- Is that me trying to hide true heartache?
0:27:16 > 0:27:20- Have you experienced true heartache? - Have I experienced true heartache?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Erm. Of course.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Just get a bottle of Gaviscon, then it's fine.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- That's funny.- Deflection.- Yes!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Just batting them away.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37One hour of therapy, and I feel good,
0:27:37 > 0:27:39and there's a lot to feel good about, especially now that
0:27:39 > 0:27:45I've attended a Chad Hogan party, met my inspiration...
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Can I just say, I had a slight tingle go through me when you said that.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49..had a heart-to-heart with my mum and dad...
0:27:49 > 0:27:53"You might be a dirty bastard, Dad, but I love you."
0:27:53 > 0:27:56..and according to them, I've still got a bit of growing up to do.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd