Episode 7

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0:00:15 > 0:00:18It's really cool to be making television in Northern Ireland.

0:00:18 > 0:00:21Obviously, a lot of productions coming here, like, Game Of Thrones

0:00:21 > 0:00:22has got to be my favourite.

0:00:22 > 0:00:25Reason number one I love Game Of Thrones -

0:00:25 > 0:00:28the actors obviously live here for a while, while they're filming,

0:00:28 > 0:00:30so you can have some guy, and the night before,

0:00:30 > 0:00:33he's, like, killed a bad guy in a bloody battle,

0:00:33 > 0:00:35and then you could theoretically see him the next morning

0:00:35 > 0:00:39in your local Centra just buying three sausage rolls for a quid.

0:00:39 > 0:00:41"All right, mate?"

0:00:42 > 0:00:45But the main reason I like Game Of Thrones is that

0:00:45 > 0:00:47it's really seeping into our culture,

0:00:47 > 0:00:50and the best example of that is fights on nights out, drunken fights,

0:00:50 > 0:00:55have got a bit more epic and a bit more medieval, you know.

0:00:55 > 0:00:57They're on a higher scale.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00Before, you would have just had two groups of lads just

0:01:00 > 0:01:03jumping into each other, no sort of thought,

0:01:03 > 0:01:06no structure behind it, whereas now, you know, two groups of guys'll be

0:01:06 > 0:01:09running towards each other and, like, the leader of one of the guys'll

0:01:09 > 0:01:13stop his men just before, and he'll be like, "Gentlemen, take a knee."

0:01:13 > 0:01:15And they'll get down before him or whatever...

0:01:15 > 0:01:16LAUGHTER

0:01:16 > 0:01:19He'll survey the land a bit, and he'll just... Just gee them up a bit.

0:01:19 > 0:01:23He'll be like, "Gentlemen, obviously these boys have committed the cardinal sin here,

0:01:23 > 0:01:25"spilling an alcopop on Dean's shirt."

0:01:25 > 0:01:27LAUGHTER

0:01:28 > 0:01:30"Just remember...

0:01:30 > 0:01:33"Just remember, gentlemen, a moment in defeat is merely..."

0:01:33 > 0:01:36And then the other guy'll just come in and smack him, mid-sentence.

0:01:36 > 0:01:38Yep, this guy hasn't seen Game Of Thrones.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41And people are just appalled by his etiquette, you know,

0:01:41 > 0:01:44not waiting for the speeches to be over and this guy is going to

0:01:44 > 0:01:47be all, like, apologising, he's like, "I've never seen it.

0:01:47 > 0:01:49"We've got it on the planner, but we did..."

0:01:49 > 0:01:51LAUGHTER

0:01:51 > 0:01:55"We did Mad Men first. I should have... I'm so sorry."

0:01:55 > 0:01:57This guy's just dead by this stage.

0:01:58 > 0:02:01Another cult character killed off too soon by

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Brother Anto of House Council.

0:02:07 > 0:02:10Mike, thanks so much for agreeing to the interview. I'm Donna.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12Au revoir.

0:02:12 > 0:02:13OK...

0:02:13 > 0:02:16It's really no problem at all, Debbie.

0:02:16 > 0:02:17- It's Donna.- Great stuff.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19So, what, are you going to ask me a few questions?

0:02:19 > 0:02:22What is it, a wee blog you do, or...?

0:02:22 > 0:02:24It's the most read magazine in Northern Ireland.

0:02:24 > 0:02:25Chat to me, then.

0:02:25 > 0:02:30Well, the interview's for our NI's Most Eligible Bachelor 2015 feature.

0:02:30 > 0:02:33Well, what do you say in return for some outrageous chat,

0:02:33 > 0:02:36you accompany me out tonight for a few overpriced drinks out on the town?

0:02:36 > 0:02:38No.

0:02:38 > 0:02:41OK, well, I'm keen to do the interview anyway, though, so go ahead.

0:02:41 > 0:02:43What's the best way to describe Mike McGoldrick?

0:02:45 > 0:02:46Rugby player.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49Pillar of the social scene.

0:02:49 > 0:02:50Charity giver-er.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53Well moisturised.

0:02:54 > 0:02:57And what's an average day in your life at the minute?

0:02:57 > 0:03:00Well, it wouldn't be an average day for Joe Bloggs in the street out there.

0:03:00 > 0:03:01HE LAUGHS

0:03:01 > 0:03:02Or even yourself.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05No, I start the day at around 8am.

0:03:05 > 0:03:06I go for a 10k run.

0:03:06 > 0:03:08When that's done at around 8:15am...

0:03:08 > 0:03:11By the way, write that it took me five minutes to run 10k.

0:03:11 > 0:03:13I hit the office.

0:03:13 > 0:03:15I make some deals, open some doors.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18When that's done, if it's a particularly long day in the office,

0:03:18 > 0:03:21I'm out of there for around 8:45am.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24Then it's off to have a light lunch.

0:03:24 > 0:03:28I'll hit the gym, and general preparation for an absolute rager out on the town.

0:03:28 > 0:03:33And when I say town, I obviously mean Belfast, which is obviously a city.

0:03:33 > 0:03:36I'm going out with guys like Rory McIlroy, Jamie Dornan, you know yourself.

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Well, you wouldn't know them personally like I do, but anyway.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42If they're not available, I do have a set of non-famous backup friends.

0:03:42 > 0:03:46You might want to put, by the way, a lot of people do call me, Rory and Jamie the Three Amigos.

0:03:46 > 0:03:49Literally everyone calls us that, so put that down.

0:03:49 > 0:03:53There's been some confusion as to what your actual profession is, Mike.

0:03:53 > 0:03:54I'm a consultant.

0:03:55 > 0:03:56Of?

0:03:57 > 0:03:58This and that.

0:03:59 > 0:04:00That's very vague.

0:04:00 > 0:04:02Moving on...

0:04:02 > 0:04:05Are you currently single or is there someone special in your life at the minute?

0:04:05 > 0:04:07I am currently single, Dervla, you know,

0:04:07 > 0:04:11people know I like to collect Miss Northern Ireland finalists

0:04:11 > 0:04:12like football sticker albums.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15And let's just say, there's not many I haven't filled.

0:04:16 > 0:04:20- I won't print that, don't worry. - No, you will print that.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23Listen, to be totally honest, I lost interest in this interaction

0:04:23 > 0:04:26around 20 minutes ago when you inferred that you had a fiance.

0:04:26 > 0:04:27Congratulations, by the way.

0:04:27 > 0:04:28But do me the favour, before I go,

0:04:28 > 0:04:32make sure people get a sense of the real me in this article.

0:04:32 > 0:04:33- Oh, I definitely will.- Great stuff.

0:04:33 > 0:04:36Listen, I am off to petition North Down Borough Council to

0:04:36 > 0:04:38have them widen the roads of Holywood high street,

0:04:38 > 0:04:42just to allow for better driving conditions for Range Rover drivers like myself.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44All the best anyway.

0:04:44 > 0:04:48Look, I will certainly send you a clay cast of my bicep or something.

0:04:48 > 0:04:49Enjoy yourself. McGoldrick out.

0:04:51 > 0:04:52Wow.

0:04:54 > 0:04:56This song...

0:04:56 > 0:04:58is dark.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00This is about what I like to do

0:05:00 > 0:05:03on the internet when youse are all asleep.

0:05:03 > 0:05:04LAUGHTER

0:05:09 > 0:05:10Bon appetit.

0:05:10 > 0:05:11LAUGHTER

0:05:13 > 0:05:15HE PLAYS GUITAR

0:05:27 > 0:05:30# You told me I could follow you

0:05:31 > 0:05:36# But I didn't know you meant on Twitter

0:05:39 > 0:05:44# And now I'm hiding in your wardrobe, yeah

0:05:49 > 0:05:52# You told me I should share your post

0:05:53 > 0:05:57# But I didn't know you meant on Facebook

0:06:00 > 0:06:04# Now I'm masquerading as your mailman, yeah

0:06:12 > 0:06:15# My laptop looks like

0:06:15 > 0:06:18# A melted cheesy toasty

0:06:18 > 0:06:20# I'm just an online creep

0:06:20 > 0:06:24# I rub one out when you're asleep

0:06:24 > 0:06:29# To your summer pictures from '09, yeah

0:06:31 > 0:06:37# Send the friend requests until she's mine. #

0:06:38 > 0:06:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Wee bit of dirt!

0:06:46 > 0:06:48A wee bit of dirt does youse good, guys, all right?

0:06:48 > 0:06:50My name's Ciaran Bartlett. Love me. See you later.

0:06:50 > 0:06:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:06:56 > 0:06:58Two pounds off.

0:06:58 > 0:06:59Yay!

0:07:00 > 0:07:04I felt I needed a wee kick-start this week, so...

0:07:04 > 0:07:05that's what I got.

0:07:05 > 0:07:11And, no, it wasn't that cabbage soup diet everyone keeps harping on about.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14All Grotbags keeps saying, "Oh, your body will love you for it."

0:07:14 > 0:07:17Aye, and so will your arse.

0:07:17 > 0:07:18No.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20I had a better idea.

0:07:21 > 0:07:26My sister's kids were off school with vomiting and diarrhoea, so

0:07:26 > 0:07:31I decided to pay them a visit, and hey presto,

0:07:31 > 0:07:34two days later, I'm boking my ring.

0:07:34 > 0:07:36Couldn't even keep water down.

0:07:36 > 0:07:38Both ends. Genius.

0:07:38 > 0:07:39SHE LAUGHS

0:07:41 > 0:07:45And this time off work, you know? It's really given me time to read up

0:07:45 > 0:07:49about portion sizes, cos it turns out I've been doing it all wrong.

0:07:50 > 0:07:52You see mashed potato?

0:07:53 > 0:07:57My mum always gives me two scoops that resemble Cave Hill

0:07:57 > 0:08:01and Black Mountain, and "nope" and "nope."

0:08:01 > 0:08:05Turns out a portion of mashed potato is one tablespoon.

0:08:06 > 0:08:10I mean, that's it. One tablespoon. Sure, that wouldn't even feed a cat.

0:08:10 > 0:08:14And cheese? A portion of cheese is the size of a matchbox.

0:08:15 > 0:08:21I haven't seen a matchbox since 1985. Who buys matchboxes nowadays?

0:08:21 > 0:08:26And spaghetti. It says to measure your spaghetti on a 20 pence piece.

0:08:26 > 0:08:31Well, I didn't have that. I only had a ten and two fives, so I just used those.

0:08:31 > 0:08:32Sure, it adds up to 20 pence.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35It's all so complicated.

0:08:36 > 0:08:41A baked potato has to be the size of a computer mouse.

0:08:41 > 0:08:46Do you know how long I spent in Asda looking for a potato that size?

0:08:47 > 0:08:50It was so long, I didn't have time to cook the flaming thing,

0:08:50 > 0:08:53so I had to end up just having a Pot Noodle sandwich for my tea.

0:08:53 > 0:08:54Oh...oh...

0:08:54 > 0:08:55SHE RETCHES

0:08:55 > 0:08:58SHE COUGHS

0:09:00 > 0:09:01SHE SNIFFS

0:09:01 > 0:09:02Oh...

0:09:02 > 0:09:04Diet starts tomorrow.

0:09:08 > 0:09:09SHE RETCHES

0:09:12 > 0:09:14Here at Bro Bros, we've sort of realised that

0:09:14 > 0:09:17if you want to succeed in business, you have to keep up with trends,

0:09:17 > 0:09:19keep your finger in the pulse, you know?

0:09:19 > 0:09:23One that we realised is really popular at the minute is people absolutely love juicing food,

0:09:23 > 0:09:26so we've worked out a way where people can get the nutrients out of their fruit and veg.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29Yeah, but it only seems to apply to healthy foods,

0:09:29 > 0:09:31so we decided to open up Junk Juice,

0:09:31 > 0:09:33the late-night fast food joint which allows you to get

0:09:33 > 0:09:37a juice version of your favourite junk food.

0:09:41 > 0:09:44Aw, dude, man, bro.

0:09:44 > 0:09:47We've juiced it all from cheesy chips to doner kebabs.

0:09:47 > 0:09:51Actually had one dude in last week who wanted 24 packets of Monster Munch juiced.

0:09:51 > 0:09:53But he died shortly after that.

0:09:57 > 0:09:58I love Junk Juice

0:09:58 > 0:10:00because it means I can get all my junk food on the way home

0:10:00 > 0:10:04in juice form, and I don't have to deal with the fat or the guilt.

0:10:04 > 0:10:08For example, this here is two mixed kebabs and a bhaji.

0:10:12 > 0:10:15I just said to him, "Listen, mate, I'm not going to Peru one more time.

0:10:15 > 0:10:18"Last time I went to Peru, I got diarrhoea for about six weeks,

0:10:18 > 0:10:19"wearing nappies and everything."

0:10:19 > 0:10:23I said, "If you want drugs taken to Peru, get some wee girls to do it,

0:10:23 > 0:10:25"but Bellies won't be doing it," you know what I mean?

0:10:25 > 0:10:27Portrush is about as far as I go these days.

0:10:27 > 0:10:30HE LAUGHS You know what I'm saying? Thank you very much for your question.

0:10:30 > 0:10:32Who else has got a question? Yourself, mate?

0:10:32 > 0:10:36Hi, Bellies. Have you ever lost any friends through drugs or addiction?

0:10:36 > 0:10:39Oh, yes, mate. I've had plenty of mates die

0:10:39 > 0:10:41due to drugs and addiction.

0:10:41 > 0:10:43Loads of mates, one of my best mates ever, my mate Pizza.

0:10:45 > 0:10:46We all went out one night.

0:10:46 > 0:10:50Me and the lads decided to take a load of speed,

0:10:50 > 0:10:52take a load of shots of Sammy-buca.

0:10:53 > 0:10:56Pizza was one of the good ones too. He didn't even drink.

0:10:56 > 0:10:57He just took good Class A drugs.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59And that night, he couldn't handle the drink.

0:10:59 > 0:11:02Had to send him home. I tucked him in myself.

0:11:02 > 0:11:05And that very night, my mate Pizza...

0:11:06 > 0:11:08..he drowned in his own vomit.

0:11:08 > 0:11:09HE CRIES

0:11:10 > 0:11:12I just feel terrible.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Cos I was the one that put the bucket beside the bed.

0:11:17 > 0:11:20But how was I to know he was going to be sick in it and then roll into it and drown?

0:11:20 > 0:11:21Oh, my God, Pizza!

0:11:22 > 0:11:24Oh, my Pizza!

0:11:24 > 0:11:26Rest in peace, mate.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29Why did you call him Pizza?

0:11:31 > 0:11:33Cos his name was Daniel Pizza.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35Are you stupid or something?

0:11:40 > 0:11:44We're filming this on the cobbled streets of the Cathedral Quarter.

0:11:44 > 0:11:47You may notice that this is where they filmed The Fall. You might notice that.

0:11:47 > 0:11:50I'm a huge fan of The Fall. It obviously stars Jamie Dornan.

0:11:50 > 0:11:53The second best looking man from Holywood, am I right, guys?

0:11:53 > 0:11:54LAUGHTER

0:11:56 > 0:11:58No? All right.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Yeah, I'm a massive fan.

0:12:00 > 0:12:02It's obviously like a dark, suspenseful thriller,

0:12:02 > 0:12:05but being from Northern Ireland, where it's filmed,

0:12:05 > 0:12:07we can also play the Do I Recognise That Location game

0:12:07 > 0:12:09while we're watching it.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12So you'll have, like, some guy watch it in England,

0:12:12 > 0:12:16and obviously they don't recognise it, so they're just watching it for the darkness.

0:12:16 > 0:12:19Some guy'll be watching it, maybe his girlfriend's in the next room,

0:12:19 > 0:12:22he'll be describing the action to her when Dornan's following

0:12:22 > 0:12:25this woman down an alleyway, so the guy'll be like...

0:12:25 > 0:12:27- ENGLISH ACCENT:- "Oh, my God. You got to see this, oh, my God."

0:12:27 > 0:12:30He has spent a little bit of time in Australia, this guy.

0:12:30 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER

0:12:33 > 0:12:35So, he's like, "Oh, my..."

0:12:35 > 0:12:36HE LAUGHS

0:12:36 > 0:12:39He's like, "Oh, my God, you've got to get in here. He's following this woman."

0:12:39 > 0:12:40That's fully Australian.

0:12:40 > 0:12:42"Oh, my God. he's right behind her. Oh, my God."

0:12:42 > 0:12:46Whereas you'll get a guy from Belfast, and cos he's got the background knowledge,

0:12:46 > 0:12:47it's a bit different.

0:12:47 > 0:12:48Same set-up.

0:12:48 > 0:12:52He'll be like, "Oh, my God, you've got to get in here and see this. He's right behind this woman.

0:12:52 > 0:12:55"Oh, my God, he's right behind her. Oh... That's the swimming pool we go to!"

0:12:55 > 0:12:57LAUGHTER

0:13:00 > 0:13:02He has killed her. He has killed her.

0:13:02 > 0:13:06"That's where I got the verruca in, er...in '98.

0:13:06 > 0:13:07"Aye!"

0:13:07 > 0:13:11Being serious, though, there is, like, how Jamie Dornan does that as an actor,

0:13:11 > 0:13:13I have no idea. Some of the real dark scenes in that.

0:13:13 > 0:13:16Where does he go to in his mind to just do that

0:13:16 > 0:13:18and then switch off and be normal when he gets home?

0:13:18 > 0:13:21There was one scene in particular in the last series where

0:13:21 > 0:13:24he was on a Translink public train, and...

0:13:25 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER

0:13:27 > 0:13:31You know, being from Holywood that must have been very, very difficult for him.

0:13:32 > 0:13:34Fair play to him, anyway.