0:00:02 > 0:00:04Over the next six weeks I will be teaching you
0:00:04 > 0:00:08everything that you need to know about writing and performing comedy -
0:00:08 > 0:00:13all the secrets, all the tricks of the trade that got me to where I am today.
0:00:13 > 0:00:18Now, I can't make any promises, but if you work hard,
0:00:18 > 0:00:23there's every chance that you too could make a living as a stand-up
0:00:23 > 0:00:27like I did, and indeed do.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Any questions?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32- Yes?- Excuse me, please.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34This is not English class?
0:00:34 > 0:00:40No. Er...no. It's... I think it's down the corridor on the left.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Any other questions?
0:01:09 > 0:01:14# I wanna get high but I really can't take the pain... #
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- So, were there many people there? - Hm?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Last night? - Oh, God. Yeah, how many was...
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Er...it's...it's hard to say.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24I mean, obviously, it will build
0:01:24 > 0:01:28as people get to find out about it and tell their friends and that, you know.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Well, I've put the word around at work.- And?
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- It's only the first week. - Exactly.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- And as long as you cover your costs. - Oh, God, yes.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41And even if I do make a loss, I can rake it back in the future.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43You're not gonna end up out of pocket, are you?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Oh, course not, no. I am still querying the rate.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Cos I think 80 quid for a room that size is a bit steep.
0:01:49 > 0:01:54You know you don't have to do this. Things are going well with the agency.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Yeah, I'm not just doing it for the money.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Good. Well, as long as you enjoy it.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- That's the main thing. - No, I do. Yeah, I...I love teaching.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07It's...what I was born to do.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11And eventually, when it takes off, I'll franchise it out.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13There'll be courses all over the place. I won't even need to turn up.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17I was thinking next week I'll have a guest speaker, get a big name in.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Let's face it, with my contacts...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- No.- Why not?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Because I don't want to. - It'll just be giving a talk,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25sharing your experience and passing on a few tips.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Tip number one, don't waste your Wednesday evenings. Good night, everybody.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31That's great. Something a little more constructive would be good.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Rick, you can't teach comedy. God knows I've been trying since I met you.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38You see? That's the kind of thing I've been teaching them, gags like that, hm?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- Why are you doing this anyway? - I've been in the business for 20 years.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43It's time to put something back.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Aren't you supposed to take something out first?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I've got better things to do than spend my time with a bunch of bums.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- They're not all bums. - Yeah, OK, whatever.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53In fact there was this Russian woman who came in,
0:02:53 > 0:02:57not at all the sort of person you'd expect in a comedy class.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Dark hair, mid-twenties. More like...more like a model, really.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- She any good?- Hm?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- You know, comedy-wise. - She could be.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08With help. The right guidance.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12But she's not gonna get that now, is she? So we'll never know.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15And that's a shame.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Hello. - Hello, Magda.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- So, how's the arm? - Oh, it's not good.
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- I am walking on pavement... - I know what happened. You've already...
0:03:33 > 0:03:34- And I trip on... - Yeah, you told me.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- I'm just asking, how is it? - Oh, it's very sore.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41If I just touch like...
0:03:41 > 0:03:42this, and... Oh!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- Best not do that, then. - It's good news, I think.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Because man says I can get money. - Man? What man?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Yes, man on television advertisement. - Oh, for God's sake.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Because I am falling over pavement and it's not my fault.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Well, to be fair, Magda, it was your fault,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59because, really, you should have looked where you were going.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03No, pavement is bad, and now council must pay compen...
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Compensation. So, what if this had happened back in your...
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Would they give you a load of money for tripping on a pavement?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Er...no, because we do not have pavements in my country.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17We just walk on side of road and, um...hope lorry can see.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Well, once again, you're ahead of us.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Maybe that's what we should do, dig up all our pavements.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- It'll save us money in the long run. - It's not my fault.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Wasn't it the other arm?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- Please? - Yesterday when you came in...
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- wasn't it the other arm in a sling? - No, it's this arm that I've hurt.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Oh. Huh. Funny.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- Knock, knock.- Sorry?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11So, what should I wear? I've got a waistcoat at home.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- I don't know what you're talking about.- Wednesday night. The comedy course.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- You're not thinking of coming, are you?- Guilty as charged! Ha-ha.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I mean, obviously, I knew you were doing it, and fair play to you, et cetera,
0:05:21 > 0:05:22but when I heard you'd got Marty on board,
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I thought, "Hello, this is starting to sound interesting."
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Yeah, the thing is, Michael, it is actually oversubscribed.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30When I rang this morning, they said last week only five people turned up.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35Seven, in fact. Anyway, comedy isn't something you can just learn.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39What's the point in having a course, then? Anyway, what do you think? Mike?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Mick? Mickey's good, isn't it, as a stage name? It sounds funnier than Michael.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- I think you'd be wasting your time. - My name's Mickey! I take the mickey!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47You won't fit in.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Could be the start of a whole new thing for me.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51They've got loads of brilliant courses. Why can't you just do photography?
0:05:51 > 0:05:52- Oh, excuse me.- Or cooking.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Tell Marty, Mickey says he'll see him Wednesday.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I think I'll leave that as a surprise.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Oh, hello! Is that a baguette or are you just pleased to see me?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, God.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04What's... Is this... Is that Latin? I don't...
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- All right. - Oh, hi, Dad. Do you want some?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Oh, no, thanks. I've had my lunch. Huh! At Mickey's.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Where? - Oh, it doesn't matter.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- What are you doing? Coursework? - No, not really.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19We're filling out this form for Magda.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Yeah, trying to get her some compo off the council.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Oh, for her arm, yeah?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yeah, it's unbelievable they could do that and get away with it.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Well, THEY didn't actually do anything. Magda just went and tripped over.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Well, no, but it was, like, their paving stone.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It was well dodgy. She showed us pictures of it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Oh, well, it's to her credit she was able to overcome the agonising pain
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- and set up a photoshoot. - It was just on a mobile.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Yeah, one slab was like that, and the other slab was like that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Well, now you put it like that, it does sound lethal.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Lethal. Lethal, good word.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Anyway, why are you doing it? Why can't she fill out her own forms?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Because she's like... - Hurt her arm.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Anyway, Ben's really good at this sort of thing.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- Is he?- Yeah.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Good. By the way, which arm did she hurt?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- BOTH:- Her right arm.- Hm.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09So, when she first did it, you didn't see her with her left arm in a sling?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- BOTH:- No.- Hm.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38FOOTSTEPS
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Rick.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You know Magda's trying to claim compensation for this arm business.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Well, that's what people do these days.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51What, so it's all right going around making fraudulent claims?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It's not fraudulent. She did hurt herself.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- You think so?- Of course.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Didn't look that serious to me.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I told her she shouldn't be coming in, but she insisted.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- You haven't seen an X-ray or anything.- It's in a sling.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04What do you want her to do, have it amputated?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Well, that would settle it, yeah.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09So, are you looking forward to Wednesday?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- What?- The comedy course.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Oh, that. I don't want to think about that.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Why not?- Because Michael's coming.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Michael?- Yes, Mike.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Or Mickey, as he wants to be called.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Is that his stage name? - Yes, it's his stage name.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Knock, knock. Who's there?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Mickey. Well, piss off, Mickey.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Oh, I'm sure he'll blossom with such a caring teacher.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33When she came in the other day, just after the accident,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- which arm did she have in a sling? - Her right arm.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42No.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- This was more than I was expecting. - It's about the same as last week.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53If that's the Russian model, I'm out of here.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Oh, God, no. No, she's...she's not here yet. I don't know where she is.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Hello! I'm Libby.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- You're Rick, aren't you? - Yeah, I run the course.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Good, well, I'm very much looking forward to...
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Ha-ha! Sorry, Rick, couldn't resist. Did the... Ha-ha. Knock, knock!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Er...who's there?- Mickey?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- Mickey who?- Mickey your mind up.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Are you going to open the door or not?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Ha-ha. What do you reckon? Good? Needs work?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- It's Rick's course. - Fair enough. We can talk later.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26So, who's on first, the warm-up act?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Good one. - Don't worry, we're mates.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Oh, right. - Ooh, hello. More biscuits.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Care in the community.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Oh, right!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Well done.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40No, I meant...
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Anyway, I'm really looking forward to this. The thing is, Rick,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I've always had an interest in comedy.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- Have you?- Yes. Yes, I have.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52MUSIC: "Wicked Soul" by Kubb
0:09:52 > 0:09:55APPLAUSE
0:09:56 > 0:10:01Thank you, thank you very much. Er...well, welcome to my comedy workshop...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07# I don't want to watch The Street on TV
0:10:10 > 0:10:14# I don't want to hear about your day
0:10:16 > 0:10:22# I've got no time to hear about how much you care
0:10:22 > 0:10:26# Shut your mouth and come this way
0:10:28 > 0:10:33# I'm the weirdo in your bedroom
0:10:35 > 0:10:39# And I can see you in the dark
0:10:39 > 0:10:41# Oh
0:10:41 > 0:10:45# Tonight's the night I shed my wicked soul
0:10:46 > 0:10:52# I take it out on you and watch you lose control
0:10:53 > 0:10:57# Tonight's the night I shed my
0:10:57 > 0:11:00# Tonight's the night I shed my
0:11:00 > 0:11:04# Tonight's the night I shed my wicked soul
0:11:04 > 0:11:06# My wicked soul... #
0:11:06 > 0:11:08LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I guess my final piece of advice to you would be,
0:11:10 > 0:11:14if at first you don't succeed, er... quit, cos nobody likes a loser.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- LAUGHTER - That's about it.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19If you need to talk to me, too bad,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21because I'll be in an alcoholic stupor at the back of the room.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Anyway, I hope some of it was helpful and, er...anyway, best of luck with everything.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Thanks. All right. - WHOOPING AND CHEERING
0:11:30 > 0:11:31- Bit long.- Where's the Russian?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Thanks, Marty.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Um...OK, so one of the most important things you need to know
0:11:44 > 0:11:46as a stand-up is how to deal with heckling.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49So that's what I'm gonna be teaching you in this next session.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54Now, for the purposes of the exercise, I'll...I'll need someone to heckle me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58But just to warn you, I will come back quite hard. So don't take it personally.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01It's just so that I can show you how it's done.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell you a joke
0:12:04 > 0:12:07and...and you can heckle me, and we'll go from there.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10So, er...yeah, this... I was...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Went for a walk the other day, um...in the park,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16and, er...there was this guy, er...walking his dogs.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18He was throwing a stick for them,
0:12:18 > 0:12:22and so I went up to him and said, "Oh excuse me, what kind of dogs are these?"
0:12:22 > 0:12:27And, um...he said, er... "Oh, this one's a...a Labrador,
0:12:27 > 0:12:31"and, er...and this one is a basset hound."
0:12:31 > 0:12:36Well, not a basset hound. It's a cross between a basset hound and a fox terrier.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Anyway, he threw the stick again,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42and the...the one that was a cross between...
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Look, someone is gonna have to heckle me at some point, or it's not going to work.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51So, anyone, heckle me and we can...
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Anyone? Just...
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Yeah. - What's the end of the joke?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59What? No, I was improvising. It wasn't a joke.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01So what happened to the dogs?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04There weren't any dogs. It was just... Someone heckle me.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Just heckle me. It doesn't have to be funny. It can be...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- Get off. - RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Thank you. OK, so that's a basic heckle.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- You're rubbish. - What I would do with that...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Just deal with one at a time and... - You're not funny!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I'm not actually trying to be funny.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Get off, fatty! - LAUGHTER
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Well, actually, that didn't work, because I'm not actually fat.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Yes, you are!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- All right, OK, you've had your fun. - No, we haven't!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Bring back the other guy! LAUGHTER
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Do you want me to teach you how to deal with heckling or not?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Not! - I don't need to be doing this.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Yeah, get off! Get off! Off! Off!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- ALL CHANT:- Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- You're wasting your own time. - Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!- Oh...
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!- ..just shut up!
0:14:01 > 0:14:02What are you, the janitor now?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Well, I have to leave the room the way I found it, so...
0:14:05 > 0:14:10- It's OK. I can do it on my own. - They really got into the heckling bit.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- Yep.- Got a bit rowdy, especially with the...
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Oh, that's just a bit of chocolate or something.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- It'll wash out.- Still. Oh, hey, I met the Russian chick.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- She was next door in English class. - Yeah, well, it's probably for the best.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- She wasn't very funny anyway. - Cute, though.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- What's Russian for "ready when you are"?- Oh, God.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31- KNOCKS ON DOOR - Knock, knock. Hope I'm not intruding.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Not at all. Catch you later.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- I thought that was very useful. - Was it?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I wondered if I could have a word with you about something.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- The problem is I've got... - You see, I'm actually from the council.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Oh, look, if this is about fire exits and stuff, that's really Marty's area.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- You've just missed him. - Not at all. That's not my department.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54The thing is, Rick, I'm part of the outreach team.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56That's nice.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- We run the urban regeneration scheme.- Jolly good.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02We have a budget for community-based projects.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Really?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Obviously, we're under a lot of financial constraints,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11but we do have core funding, which is ring-fenced for priority projects.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Good thinking.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Anyway, I was very impressed with the heckling lesson.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Oh, thanks...Libby.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24It had a lot to say about issues like gang mentality and bullying in the workplace.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Well, exactly. You know, I've always thought so. It's kind of why I do it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Those are issues that my department are very keen to address.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Yeah. Yeah, with your... with your budget and stuff.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40I mean, the way you just stood there looking so helpless
0:15:40 > 0:15:43when everybody was being so aggressive towards you -
0:15:43 > 0:15:46it was really interesting.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50And at one point, I actually thought you were gonna cry.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Yeah, well, it's just role-play, you know,
0:15:52 > 0:15:57so they can see what happens if you don't deal with hecklers, or bullies...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- or gang members, mm.- Mm.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03- They're gonna give you funding? - Yes!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05It's all part of this urban renewal thing.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I don't see what comedy workshops have got to do with urban renewal.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Neither do I, but that's not the point. Libby does.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14And she's got shedloads of cash to throw at it. The whole thing's been ring-fenced.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- So, what's the catch? - There isn't one!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I mean, you should see some of the rubbish they do.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Juggling, community drumming, child welfare.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24At least my course will actually be useful, compared to them.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I'm sure council-tax payers will think it's money well spent.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Of course they will, much better to spend their money on teachers like me
0:16:30 > 0:16:32than hand it out to Magda for a load of made-up injuries.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36It's not made up. Anyway you'll be pleased to hear it's getting better.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Yeah, now the compensation form's gone off.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42It's a scam. She's taking advantage of the system.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Yeah, that's a point. I wonder if I can claim for travel expenses.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Technically, I should...
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Er...I could not finish beds, because very difficult.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Yeah, I know. Don't worry. I can see it must be, um...
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Why don't you sit down? Sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Hm? Sit down. Sit down. - Thank you.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08So, Mel says you are teaching people to be funny?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12That's right, yes. So, um...how...how is the arm?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Oh, well, it's better, but still very sore.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Oh, good.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20So, how do you teach people to be funny?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Oh, lots of ways, you know.
0:17:22 > 0:17:28One of them is, er...you have to be observant, you know. Notice things.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- And this makes you funny? - It can do, yeah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33You know, like, er... have you ever noticed on a train
0:17:33 > 0:17:36people always get up ages before they need to when they're getting off?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Yes, I have noticed this. - Why is that?
0:17:42 > 0:17:43You think this is funny?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Obviously, that was a bad example. That was just off the top of my head.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51- In my country we have very funny joke. - Have you? Good. So, about the arm...
0:17:51 > 0:17:54There is gypsy and he's, er, finding dead sheep in the road.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- So he gets off his horse and he goes... - Can I stop you there, Magda?
0:17:57 > 0:18:02We don't do jokes about gypsies over here. It's...it's a bit racist.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04You don't find gypsies funny?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Not any more, no. No, we've moved on, so...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Anyway, there you go.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Thank you.- Hm.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Yeah.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21So, the arm's getting better?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Yes.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- But you still need to use the sling? - Yes, because it's difficult to move.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Yeah, I noticed. Huh.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Well, drink your tea.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- Ha-ha.- Yes.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Biscuit?- Yes, please.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Mm.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Catch.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Oh. Sorry.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Sorry.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Why...why have you done this?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I thought you would catch it with your...
0:18:51 > 0:18:56Um...have one from the packet. They're...they're just sponge. They won't...
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Finish your joke about the gypsy.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01He found a dead sheep, did he? Cor!
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Is it...family?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Oh, no, those are some young offenders I work with. We sent them
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- on a skiing trip.- Oh, right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Unfortunately, there's no funding for that any more.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Oh, shame. Er...but the... the comedy course is still...
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Well, that's what I'd like to talk to you about.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52We'd like to contract you for a two-year programme of classes.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Great, I can't wait to start.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57That leads me on to the other bit of good news.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59We've already got a very exciting venue
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- for your first session of classes. - Fantastic.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04It's exactly the sort of community we need to engage with.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Great. Where is it? - Belford Prison.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- What? - The maximum-security prison.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Do you know it? - Well, yeah. From the news.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17The thing is, Rick, some of the prisoners there...
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- are extremely disturbed. - I expect they are, yeah.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23In some cases, even their families and friends have given up on them.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25- Well, yeah. - We have to reach out to them
0:20:25 > 0:20:28and equip them with the skills they'll need when they're back in the community.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Do we?
0:20:30 > 0:20:35I'm...I'm not sure comedy can help with that.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39The thing is, Rick, comedy can be really empowering.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Yeah, but the other thing is, Libby,
0:20:42 > 0:20:46should we be empowering people who use their power to do bad things?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Well, that's a very interesting question, but all the evidence suggests...
0:20:50 > 0:20:54I know - community drumming. Get them doing that, you know, instead.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Well, unfortunately, we've had to stop funding that
0:20:56 > 0:20:59and anyway they're not allowed musical instruments,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02because in the past they have used them as weapons.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Have they?
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Ah...really not sure about this prison thing,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10and I really do think, to be honest, Libby,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12we should start with a few art centres.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Well, the thing is, Rick, I'm afraid we need you
0:21:14 > 0:21:17to commit to the whole package, or we can't release the funding.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Interesting. Can I think about that?
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Do I want to teach comedy to a bunch of wackos?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30It's tempting, but you know what? On balance, I think I'll pass.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33If you want to shirk your civil responsibility...
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Yes, please, I do.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Well, that's a shame, cos I was gonna give you half the money and...
0:21:37 > 0:21:39well, more than half the money, actually.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- But that doesn't matter now. - No, it doesn't.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Fine, I'll do it. - Good, that's settled, then.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48It'll look good on the CV. "Rick Spleen, mentor to the criminally insane."
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Um...Rick, I just wanted to say sorry about the other night.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Um...the heckling might have gone a bit over the top.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Oh, no, no, no. That's fine. That was meant to happen.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03That was the whole point of it. I was in control.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, good. So, no hard feelings, then?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07No.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Ah, got you! Ha-ha-ha. It was classic, though. "Off, off, off!"
0:22:14 > 0:22:18And when you stormed off, someone shouted, "Come back and get off again!"
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Oh, did they? I didn't hear that. - Hey, Michael.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Guess where they asked Rick to do his comedy class.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- Go on.- Belford Prison.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Oh, that is hilarious! In prison? - She's paying me quite a lot of money.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31It's the ultimate deterrent, a comedy class from Rick Spleen.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Yes, yes, I always knew his comedy would land him in jail.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35- That is a funny line.- Thank you.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Maybe I should run this prison workshop thing.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- Would you?- No.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44You tried.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47So, come on, finish the rest of that gypsy joke.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52So...so, the gypsy sees a dead sheep in the middle of the road,
0:22:52 > 0:22:56and, er...he gets off his horse, he goes up to it and gives it a kick...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Sure you don't want a bowl for that?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- Spoon?- Er...no, it's OK.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Only they are literally within arm's reach, if you change your mind.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13No, I'm all right.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Er...Dad, I hear you're going to prison.- So it would seem, yeah.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Belford, yeah?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Her Majesty's Prison, Belford. That's correct.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Oh, yeah. Spikey says can you say hello to Razor and Skunk?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- Razor and Skunk? - Oh, if you see 'em, yeah.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- What, they're friends of his? - No, they're his brothers.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oh, that's nice for them. They're in the same prison, are they?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- Yeah. - Mm. What are they in for?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Er...18 months. - No, what did they do?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- Oh. Er...nothing. - Yeah. No, they were framed.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43Framed? Oh, no, I hate it when that happens. Poor Razor and Skunk.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- Exactly.- Maybe they can appeal.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Their lawyer said not to bother. It might make things worse.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Did he?
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Yep.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Well, I shall pass on Spikey's fondest wishes.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Unless he has a package he'd like me to smuggle in as well?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Er...he does, actually.- Yeah.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01We thought you probably wouldn't want to.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02- Yeah, might be right.- Yeah.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- What was it anyway? - Er...don't know. Drugs, I suppose.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- Yeah, yeah, it was drugs. - Oh, drugs, was it? Yeah. Hm.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Ben, I think I'm gonna have to insist that we move on to the bowl.
0:24:13 > 0:24:19There we go, and, er...probably even stretch to a spoon as well.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Far easier. Not to mention cleaner.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Bon appetit.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39I still don't get why you had to give Magda a whole week off.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Because it's not very nice when someone hurls a biscuit at your face.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46I have explained it wasn't a biscuit. It was a Jaffa Cake.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- Mostly sponge. - You threw it at her face.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52To be fair, she was being racist, very racist.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55She was coming out with stuff about gypsies and God knows what.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58It wasn't nice to listen to.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02And besides, we do now know that she genuinely did have a bad arm, so...
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Well, anyway. Good luck this afternoon.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Thanks.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Do you think they'll strip-search you?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13No, course they won't.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17I mean, if they did want to strip-search me, I'd say,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20"You've crossed the line. I'm not doing that. It's disgusting."
0:25:20 > 0:25:25Anyway, it's not the warders you need to worry about. It's the prisoners.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- I'll be fine. - Course you will.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30They only go for the pretty ones.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35MUSIC: "The Perfect Space" by The Avett Brothers
0:25:37 > 0:25:40INAUDIBLE
0:25:51 > 0:25:53INAUDIBLE
0:26:01 > 0:26:08# I wanna have friends that I can trust
0:26:10 > 0:26:15# That love me for the man I've become not the man that I was
0:26:17 > 0:26:23# And I wanna have friends that let me be
0:26:25 > 0:26:31# All alone when being alone is all that I need...
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# I wanna fit in
0:26:54 > 0:26:56# To the perfect space
0:26:58 > 0:27:05# Feel natural and safe in a volatile place
0:27:06 > 0:27:13# And I wanna grow old without the pain
0:27:14 > 0:27:19# Give my body back to the earth and not complain... #
0:27:19 > 0:27:24Oh! Well done, Rick. I thought that was a really encouraging start.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Yeah, I think they got quite a lot out of it.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- It was empowering... - Right, back off, or I'll cut him.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31- Calm down, Donald.- Back off!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Right, you stay absolutely still
0:27:33 > 0:27:36or this is going into your neck, right? Back off!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39I think maybe do as he says.
0:27:57 > 0:28:03# I wanna get by but I really can't take the pain
0:28:04 > 0:28:08# Cos it will blow away my soul like a hurricane
0:28:10 > 0:28:15# Oh, I'm like a one-man band clapping in the pouring rain... #