0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08Oh, it's eight o'clock in the morning, Amber's going to be well vexed with you.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Nah, I said I'd be back about eight.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Yeah, but you said Saturday.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Yeah!
0:00:16 > 0:00:18I'm well hungry.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22Yeah, me too, an' all, but what a three nights.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23BOTH: Yeah!
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Hey, do you know when the bouncers caught us in the toilet cubicles
0:00:28 > 0:00:30and we had to pretend that we was gay!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33We had to kiss each other to prove it!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35You tell anyone about that, you get beats, yeah?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Obviously, never would.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Lee. How do you take photos down off Facebook?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, my gosh, look at that!
0:01:22 > 0:01:27- Yeah, it's...a car, innit?- Not the car, you bell-end. Check that out!
0:01:27 > 0:01:34- Roast chicken.- Oh, man! I feel like a bumblebee.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39- Oi! We used to jump these.- Yeah, but that was back in the day, though.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43- That was like August, innit?- D'you reckon you can still do it?- Yeah!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Like that. IF I had a coat hanger.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I always carry one with me when we go clubbing.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Saves me two quid in the cloakroom.
0:01:53 > 0:02:00Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02All right, but you keep watch.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Yes!
0:02:07 > 0:02:12- DOOR LOCK CLICKS - Yes! The Nelsonator is back.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- What are you doing?- Oh, um...
0:02:17 > 0:02:23- I lost my keys, innit?- Oh, you poor poppet! I'm always losing mine.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Such a fab outfit.- Yeah.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I assume you're coming to the chav breakfast party.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30A chav breakfast party.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34It's ironic, because chavs don't have breakfast.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm definitely going to that breakfast chav party ironic thing.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Oh, and you're so clever for putting on the accent as well!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Oh, do give us a lift. Our driver's taking Mummy to the tennis.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51'Course I will, girls, soon as I've got MY driver to hotwire this.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Damo!- No-one's come so far, mate.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- Another one.- Oh, goody!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00He's a well good driver,
0:03:00 > 0:03:04although he's had 36 pills over the last three nights.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Naughty chauffeur!
0:03:06 > 0:03:07So, while we're waiting,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- say something else in your common accent.- Eh, is your dad a drummer?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Cos I would love to bang you.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19And I assume your old man plays guitar.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Cos I would love to finger you.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24That is exactly something a chav would say.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27And don't tell me, your mum plays the cello,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29cos I'd love to get between your thighs.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Damo, I'm running out.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Oh, gosh.
0:03:36 > 0:03:41Um. And does one of you have a...cousin,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44who plays...xylophone.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Who...
0:03:47 > 0:03:48ENGINE STARTS
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Oh, I'll tell you in the car, yeah?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Brunch is always a really tricky one to get reet,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03and I'm cooking today for ten.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08So I'm gonnae dae is make a really simple version of eggs Benedict.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Instead of poached eggs, I'm gonnae use boiled eggs,
0:04:12 > 0:04:17and instead of bacon and hollandaise sauce, I'm gonnae use biscuits.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I'm gonnae use eight medium eggs per portion,
0:04:20 > 0:04:24but if you're using small eggs, I'd go for 11.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28You can, of course, boil them the traditional way in a pan,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31but what I'm gonnae do is kettle-boil them.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Fill your kettle up with water and cram in as many eggs as you can.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Boil your kettle as normal.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45This is the moment you find out if your leccy's on or not.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I'm in luck.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50With kettle boiling, once it's boiled,
0:04:50 > 0:04:55you need to keep your finger on the kettle button for 12 more minutes.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Be warned, your kitchen may get a little steamy,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01so if you've got mould in your house, this will exacerbate it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06What I like to do is take a little bit of gaffer tape
0:05:06 > 0:05:09and stick doon the kettle button.
0:05:10 > 0:05:16When your 80 eggs are done, or 110 if you're using small ones,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18it's time to think about your biscuits,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22which I know can be a little intimidating.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Don't worry, I'm gonnae keep it simple.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Use whatever type of biscuit you think gans best with eggs.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I've gone for Jammie Dodgers,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35for no other reason than they're expired.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I know I've got a hungry lot coming roond,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42so I'm gonnae use four biscuits per egg, which works out at
0:05:42 > 0:05:4732 Jammie Dodgers per person, or, if you've gone with small eggs, 44 Dodgers.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You know how much importance I place on presentation.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54You've got tons of options here.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I'm gonnae keep it simple again and just put all the eggs
0:05:57 > 0:05:58and biscuits in a bowl.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01And there you have it.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03One portion of eggs Benedict made simple.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Boiled eggs and past-their-best biscuits. Enjoy.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15So, could you describe the lady?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17It was actually a coloured lady.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22Or as we've now been taught to say in the force, a blackie.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24This looks interesting. Whack on the blues.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Tend to get a sixth sense for these things, actually.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29SIREN SOUNDS ONCE THEN STOPS
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Excuse me, sir, mind if I ask a couple of questions, sir?- Of course.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- Got any ID on you, please?- Er, yes, I've got a driving licence.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Yes, please.- Yeah, where is it? Oh, yeah, there it is.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Argh!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47He was about to blow himself up.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48GROANS
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Mr Harris who tried to kill himself!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Mr Harris who tried to kill himself.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Just checking the weather.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Yes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well, bit of a sticky wicket, this, for me.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Last time I gave advice to someone in your situation
0:07:14 > 0:07:19the gentleman ran straight out of the surgery and killed himself.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21But let's give it another crack, shall we?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Boom!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Anything?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Oh, no, that's hiccups.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Let's have a relaxed chat, yes? Have a coffee.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Right.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Yes.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Good man.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47HE SLURPS
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Yes.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Is this helping, just having someone to talk to?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Well, I have got a lot of feelings of worthlessness.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Have a Tic Tac.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I usually only give these to kids who've had a vaccine,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12but as you've just tried to kill yourself...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22I'm going to have one, as well.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Hmm.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Would you like to have a cry?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Go on, have a cry, have a cry, go on, man.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40You probably should cry as unfortunately there's
0:08:40 > 0:08:43absolutely nothing we can do about depression.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Well, somebody said something about anti-depressants.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Absolutely right, yes, anti-depressants,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53of course, just the thing.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Prescription pad, prescription pad.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Right, so, anti-depressants.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Did he mention one?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Amitriptylene?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Yes, exactly!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12How was he spelling it?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I don't know.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I'm just going to write down "anti-depressant".
0:09:16 > 0:09:18The chemist will know which one.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23I could look it up in a book, but it's all the way over there.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Well done.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Oh, one last thing -
0:09:29 > 0:09:30cheer up, grumpy!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Great.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Four months into the season
0:09:40 > 0:09:43and Jason's driving has become a talking point at the club.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Do you like me car, gaffer?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I heard, er, you crashed your car.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Yeah, this is another one. Cost me 200 grand.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Four days' wages.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Jason, er, this is the sixth car you are crash in two weeks.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03It's not my fault, there's fucking trees everywhere.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Jason, we get you a driver, uh?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08If you crash again you look stupid.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Not as stupid as you in your Citroen.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12It's nearly three months old.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Unfortunately, after training,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Jason's involved in yet another accident.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19But this time it's more serious.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Er, I'm so sorry to disturb you, but you're my son's favourite player.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31He's downstairs in the kids' ward, he made you this card.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36Can you not read? It's a private room, now fuck off.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39The police are investigating the crash,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42so Jason calls in top celebrity lawyer Adrian Irvine.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46OK, Jason, you were in an incident on the fourth of the first.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49In your own words, tell me exactly what happened.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I got coked off me head and drove into a wall.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57OK, I think I've got enough there to get you off.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- How much do I owe you? - £200,000.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Erm, I'm not sure I've got that on me, it might have to be a cheque.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Fine.- Cheers.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Jason leaves hospital, but on crutches,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09and will miss three weeks of the season.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12REPORTER: Jason, you're, you're missing some key games.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14You must be, er, cursing your luck.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I'm off to Barbados for three weeks and the police never tested me
0:11:17 > 0:11:20for cocaine, what do you mean cursing me luck?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Have you got a message for your team mates?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Erm, enjoy the January fixtures, I'm off to fuck someone on a boat.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Cheers.- Thank you, that's all.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Jason, can we just get a photo?- Jason, Jason!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Oh, my God!
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Since becoming the breakout star of hit reality show The Only Way Is Macclesfield,
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Gary Sedgmoore's life has gone stratospheric.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Now he's got his own show.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51We've been given access all areas to bring you...
0:11:51 > 0:11:59OMG LOL FYI, It's Gary. Smiley winky face emoticon.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04OMG, how was the bike ride?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06What bike ride?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07You know, the charity bike ride.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Oh, that's what it was.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Argh, argh!
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Yeah, it's been mental, I've just been totally me.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Hiya, Gary.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25The thing about me is I'll just think things then I'll say them
0:12:25 > 0:12:27and I think people respond to that. I mean, after all,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I'm just being Gary and people have responded to that.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35How Gary was that?!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Gary, Gary!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I really like Gary.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41When's he going to get here?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Gary, Gary, Gary!
0:12:44 > 0:12:50And I was there for 45 minutes, and someone said, "You're Gary."
0:12:50 > 0:12:56And I said, "How can I be Gary? I'm in the crowd shouting 'Gary'."
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Anyway, they showed me photos, and I am Gary.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Felt like a right numpty.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02So how much did you raise?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04About a million pounds.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05That is brilliant.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Oh, no, not a MILLION pounds, what's the other number?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Oh, that's it - nothing!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Gary, what about the money I sponsored you?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I think I ate that, Bev.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17That is so Gary.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Ooh, Bev, I went out with all the celebs after the charity horse riding!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25BOTH: Exciting! Spooky!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Tell me all the details.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Right, I just went in there, and they said,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34"Read these letters off the board." And they covered me eye...
0:13:34 > 0:13:36No, Gary, that's the opticians.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Ooh, shall we do what we did yesterday, Bev,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40and breathe in and out of a Jiffy bag?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- BOTH: Yay! - Ooh, bags me the Jiffy bag!
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Yay!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Oh, my gosh, it's totally adorable.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Belinda! How are you?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01LAUGHTER
0:14:04 > 0:14:05- Have you seen it?- Oh, my gosh!
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Roddy!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I didn't know you were coming,
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I thought you were in the Med this summer.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Everyone!
0:14:16 > 0:14:21OK, this is "Lee" and "Damo".
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Ha ha!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25They refuse to come out of character.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30Ooh, method chaps. Tell us more about Lee and Damo.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Yes, what do you do for a living, Lee?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Well, I ain't never really had a proper job.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I mean, I'm a part-time pizza delivery boy
0:14:39 > 0:14:40but I left school at 12,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43ain't got no qualifications and I've been chancing it ever since.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- Well done!- So good.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52And what about you, "Damo"?
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Um... I was born in Brazil, and I used to be a woman.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02It's hard, isn't it?
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Hey, let's go upstairs so I can...
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Oh, God, what's that phrase?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Nosh you off.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Yeah, qualit-ee!
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Wait! I've got a question.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17It's his party.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20He thought he was the best chav.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23If you really know your working classery
0:15:23 > 0:15:25you'll know the answer to this.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30What are the current state unemployment and child benefits?
0:15:30 > 0:15:31GASPS
0:15:31 > 0:15:38Under 25s get £56.25 a week, over 25s get 71 quid a week,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42couples or civil partners get £111.45 a week, child benefits
0:15:42 > 0:15:46is two separate amounts, £20.30 for your eldest child
0:15:46 > 0:15:49and £13.40 for all of your other children,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52and that's all true as of September 2012.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54He's right!
0:15:54 > 0:15:55APPLAUSE
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Welcome to the party!
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Bring these chaps some chav breakfasts.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Bacon and egg sandwiches.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02They are sick.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Right.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07You really are qualit-ee!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Let's go upstairs right now and get cracking, yeah.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- Er, now, if you want to sound proper...- I do.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20You'd say, let's go upstairs, right nah.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Let's go upstairs right nah.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26And... I'll suck you off till you come on me tits.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29And I'll suck you off till you come on me tits.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30I think I've got it.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it,
0:16:36 > 0:16:40you've got that right, you're tuned into THE station providing
0:16:40 > 0:16:42drum and bass to the nation.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46That's blowing the clubs away right now, big DJs spinning that one,
0:16:46 > 0:16:49creating winds around the London scenes like a tornado tune.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Keep it locked down, keep it locked up with me, Kenny K.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Let's head to the texts, the tweets and the Facebook messages right now.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03I asked you, what do you prefer, still water or fizzy water?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Jamal's tweeted in saying he's got mad love for still water.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Hughie from Solihull says he prefers fizzy water with food
0:17:11 > 0:17:13but still water when he's thirsty.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I can't see no-one disagreeing with that, Hughie,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19universal truth, I would say there, my brother.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23OK, there's such still water love coming through today,
0:17:23 > 0:17:27completely different from when I asked the same question last week.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Jayjo 1920 texted me to say he likes fizzy water
0:17:30 > 0:17:33but not when it's too fizzy.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Jayjo 1920, I know exactly where you're coming from,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40if it's too fizzy it ain't busy, if you know what I'm saying,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42felt that myself nuff times.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45OK, we've got someone who's anonymously texted,
0:17:45 > 0:17:49he's saying he likes still water, please drop your name in,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52they're nowhere near as interesting without your names.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- Check this. - MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Excuse me, have you got two seconds, please, two seconds?- No, no.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Sir, have you got two seconds for charity, please? Come on.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Madam, two seconds, please, please, come on.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Excuse me, sir, have you got two seconds, please?- Oh, sorry, I need to get to a meeting.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Oh, fuck me!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Alan fucking Sugar are we? Well don't you worry about helping out,
0:18:13 > 0:18:18then, some other fucker will help look after these overweight cats.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21You just fuck off to your important meeting.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Only joking, shitty bollocks!
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Fuck your meeting! Here's a pen, get your fucking details down.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Keep it neat, you prick! Do you think the people in the office
0:18:31 > 0:18:34want to spend all day trying to decipher your name?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Sort code now.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39I, I don't know it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Well, get your fucking debit card out, you useless shite.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Sorry, but what exactly is...?
0:18:44 > 0:18:49Nyah, nyah, nyah - what is fucking what, Mr Fucking Question Time?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52All you need to know is three quid a month is
0:18:52 > 0:18:54gonna help a cat lose some weight.
0:18:57 > 0:19:03That's smashing, thanks a lot, and you get a free cat-shaped rubber.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Brilliant, cheers. Excuse me have you got two seconds, please?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Oh, my days, Shazeem has come in with a crazy Facebook message
0:19:13 > 0:19:15right here, right now, with me, Kenny K.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Hold tight as I read this one out from Shazeem.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24He says he prefers still water but has never tried fizzy water.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29No way, man, Shazeem, I ain't even sure if you're winding me up, man,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31if you're not that's a mad fact you just spilled out there.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35If you are winding me up, then fair play, that's a good wind-up.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38My days, man, Shazeem, I ain't gonna get over that one in a hurry.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Ros has just tweeted saying she can't make up her mind
0:19:42 > 0:19:45which one she prefers, can she let me know tomorrow?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47No problem, Ros. Check this.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Yah, completely.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52LAUGHS
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Totalis, yah, we're meeting tomorrow midday,
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Hyde Park Corner, and we're aiming to have Tibet freed by 4ish.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02OK, ciao.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Love the dreads, man, they're awesome!
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Whoa, I am like a lion in Zion!
0:20:12 > 0:20:17Ah, me know why you gotta the window open!
0:20:17 > 0:20:22You no want a people to smell-a your sensei, awesome.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Were you involved in the riots?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27I betta you gotta yourself some good shit and ting.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32# Don't worry about a ting
0:20:34 > 0:20:38# Every lickle ting gonna be irie. #
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Single to Aldwych.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43He says single Al-dwych.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- NORMAL VOICE:- Friend, here's a 20, will you snip a sniff?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51What you talking about?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I know you've got to say that for the 5-0, the Babylon,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57but I'm one of you, in my heart I'm black.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Got to get me some herba.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Dat could be my weekend sorted, if you know what I mean, ah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Ooh, come Sunday me tummy go rumble, time to order me some munchy pizza.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Can I get out here, please.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Oh, bloody hell, just cos we're going past a Nando's doesn't mean
0:21:13 > 0:21:15he's gonna stop the bus.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Rraasclaat!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Ooh, new Abercrombie and Fitch,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Actually, might get out here myself, bro.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29And, bro, don't stop unless YOU want to.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31You're not their slave any more.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Irie, peace, Jihad!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Hello, today's weather in Scotland.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Central, Southern Scotland particularly looking grey,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46temperatures plummeting, very, very cold indeed,
0:21:46 > 0:21:50ideal to let the wee ones in the paddling pool.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Thursday, freezing fog settling into the Western Isles
0:21:53 > 0:21:58and that fog will remain there for the next two years.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Friday, fairly balmy night,
0:22:00 > 0:22:05temperatures up to minus 8, later on, freezing gales, heavy sleet,
0:22:05 > 0:22:09exceptionally windy - expect some deaths.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12In summary, distressing.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Thank you for sending in your photos.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Here are some stitches on someone's face,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22here's a shoe on a bus shelter,
0:22:22 > 0:22:26and here's an elderly gentleman who's been knocked off his bike.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Good night.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30You know what I mean, oh yeah,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33we're the Manchester M21 gang, innit, bang.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Yeah, AK the Manchester Mental Heads,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37bang, bang, bang, do you know what I mean?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Oh, AK the Manchester Maddos.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Yeah, we get like well pissed off and whatever, course we do,
0:22:42 > 0:22:44do you know what I mean, we go shoplifting,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47do you know what I mean, though? That's why we do these things,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50though, cos we're so fucking bored, do you know what I mean? There's nothing to do.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I mean people say, like, why don't you do summat wiv your lives?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Thing is, we have. I mean, Degsy's set up a scheme which recycles
0:22:56 > 0:22:59school textbooks to the poorest communities in South East Asia
0:22:59 > 0:23:01in order to improve basic literacy.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I mean, he's put the most of the last three years
0:23:04 > 0:23:06of his life into this. But do you understand the levels
0:23:06 > 0:23:09of corruption in South East Asian governments? They've stopped
0:23:09 > 0:23:12the scheme in its tracks, the whole project's ground to a halt.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16So of course he's gonna shove shit through people's letter boxes.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Fucking bored. Bang.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Sorry I'm late, everyone. I've had my Land Rover stolen.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31GASPS
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Shall we quickly get noshing?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36No, hang on, darling. What happened, Julian?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I stopped to buy chav props - scratch cards, cans of Fanta
0:23:39 > 0:23:42and so forth - to add to the roast chicken garage crisps that
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I'd already bought in the back of the car.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- I really think we ought to get this noshing under way. - No, hang on, darling.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49The next thing I know, it's gone!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51HE LAUGHS
0:23:51 > 0:23:54No way! You had the Land Rover nicked with
0:23:54 > 0:23:56a packet of roast chicken crisps in the back.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01I just nicked a Land Rover with a packet of roast chicken crisps.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02How mental is that!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05What?! You thieving bastard!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09You stole this gentleman's Land Rover!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You stupid, stupid Shane.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I think he's in on it as well.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18What's your real name?
0:24:18 > 0:24:26Um, I'm actually Sebastian, the 4th Earl of Glasgow.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Nonsense, I'm Sebastian the 4th Earl of Glasgow.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32They're REAL chavs!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35You could have been stabbed.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37No, you've got us all wrong.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Would a chav know how to do this?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Run, Damo!
0:24:52 > 0:24:53SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
0:24:59 > 0:25:00PULSING DANCE MUSIC
0:25:19 > 0:25:20MUSIC REACHING CLIMAX
0:25:20 > 0:25:21MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Ah...
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Has anyone got the wifi code?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd