0:00:02 > 0:00:04You'll be all right on your own tonight, yeah? Yeah!
0:00:04 > 0:00:10Remember, if there's a problem, you go to the neighbours.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15Not that one, he's a nonce. The other side, he's all right.
0:00:15 > 0:00:22This programme contains strong language.
0:00:37 > 0:00:43Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Quality-y-y!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Yes! Hello, my man, my man, my man.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Spread the love, spread the love, spread the love, spread the love,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56spread the love, spread the love, yeah! Nice, innit? Ye-e-es!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Hello, hello, hello, people!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02My man! Look at that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Spread the love, spread the love. Look at that hair, that is well good.
0:01:05 > 0:01:12Hello! Yes, my man, my man, my man. Geezer, geezer, look at that! Yes!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
0:01:15 > 0:01:21Welcome to Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. I'm Lee Nelso-o-o-on!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:24 > 0:01:30Coming up on my show tonight, he lives on my estate, he's the size of Kuwait,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32it's my best mate Omelette!
0:01:32 > 0:01:40Yes! My nan is going to be singing a massive tune!
0:01:40 > 0:01:47Yes! Hello, Nan! And we'll all be having a laugh at that man's lady perm. Yes!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49LAUGHTER
0:01:49 > 0:01:51It's Lee Nelson's Well Good Show...
0:01:51 > 0:01:59Quality-y-y-y! Yes! Too right, man, too right.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01People, I am in the mood of my life.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Let me tell you that for nothing.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07My missus is preggers for the second time!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Yes!
0:02:09 > 0:02:15We's just working out where to have the birth an' that, cos last time we had an 'ome delivery which is good.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18You get a free garlic bread.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Yeah!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21I remember it so clear, man.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26The midwife come round to the house and they got Amber on the floor and
0:02:26 > 0:02:30stripped her off, gave her a load of drugs, told her it wouldn't hurt.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36I pissed myself because that is EXACTLY how I got her preggers.
0:02:38 > 0:02:45And my sister had a well-bad experience having a baby at our local hospital an' that.
0:02:45 > 0:02:4714 pounds.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Yes! Fucking NHS car park.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58But ain't creating a baby, like, the most amazing thing in the whole world?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00I just can't get me head around it, you know?
0:03:00 > 0:03:08How did my one little sperm manage to find its way all the way over to Amber's egg?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I mean, I come on her tits, for fuck's sake!
0:03:19 > 0:03:25Mind you, man, I have got seriously powerful sperm, girls.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Yes!
0:03:27 > 0:03:32With our first, right, me and Amber had only been going out four weeks.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Doc said she was already four MONTHS preggers.
0:03:35 > 0:03:42Yes, it is seriously, seriously powerful sperm, yeah.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44And mixed race apparently.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Yeah! Anyone preggers in the house tonight?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- Yes. - Yeah, a preggers girl over there.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54That's so sweet, baby, look at that.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Hello! Hello, girl. And who's he? Is he the dad?
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Yeah.- Look at that. Congrats, geez. Is that your first, geez?- Yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03And when did you get pregnant?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08If you can't see him, he's fucking fat.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16It's so nice, man. You look happy together, I promise you that, yeah.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Well, you look happy. She looks like she thinks she can do a little bit better.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26That's so... No, man, I'm just taking the piss, man. He's going to fucking knock me out in a second.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Have we got any mums in the house?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Any mums?- Yeah!- Yeah, loads of mums,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34look at that. And you is a mum, sweetheart, over here?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36That's nice. How many has you got?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Two.- Two? That's so nice. What are their names, sweets?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Candice and Bethany. - Candice and Bethany! Look at that!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- They're nice names.- Yeah...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I don't know what we're going to call our new one,
0:04:49 > 0:04:54but my first, my six year old lad's called Stairwell an' that.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Don't laugh at Stairwell, man!
0:04:56 > 0:05:00We done a Posh and Becks and named him after where we done it.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05So how old was you, sweets, when you become a mum?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- 17.- 17, OK.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Oh.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I was younger. I was too young when I had my little boy, you know.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15It was well awkward going to the same school.
0:05:18 > 0:05:24Stairwell is so sweet with the bump, man, because he's started to ask
0:05:24 > 0:05:28where the babies come from and it's so nice. Has anyone here had that?
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Where do babies come from? You have, sweetheart, at the back. That's so nice, innit?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34And what did you say? Did you know?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36We was in the bath together and he saw my appendix scar...
0:05:36 > 0:05:40In the bath together? I'm getting the fuck out of this!
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Basically, he started saying to me, "Where does... where does that...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47"where does Mummy's bump come from?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49"Where does Mummy's bump come from?"
0:05:49 > 0:05:56And I had to explain to him, and I proper Disneyed it up and made it sweet and I says to him, "Well,
0:05:56 > 0:06:03"that come about cos me and your mum is so much in love that, a few months back,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05"I proper banged her...
0:06:05 > 0:06:09"without a johnny.
0:06:09 > 0:06:14"I was on top of your mum and then your mum was on top of me,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18"and then we was both on top of your auntie..."
0:06:19 > 0:06:24"In fact, that little bump nearly wasn't my son at all.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27"He was nearly my nephew,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30"but then your auntie needed the toilet..."
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Are you a mum, sweetheart?- No.- Do you want to be?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Look at that, geez. You loved that, innit? That's how you bang 'em.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Was your dad a cement mixer?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Cos you're making me well 'ard.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54- APPLAUSE - Write these down, geez.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Write these fucking down, I tell you. People, man.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00This happened to me, right? It was well embarrassing.
0:07:00 > 0:07:07Has anyone thought that someone was pregnant when they actually wasn't?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Has that happened to someone?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Yeah!- My Spanish teacher.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12- What's that, sweets? - My Spanish teacher.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- Your "fanny" what? - LAUGHTER - Spanish!
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I'll come over here, sweets. You're a nice girl. What happened to you, babe?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- It was in Spanish...- She was in Spanish? OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Yeah, and she got really fat over the summer, so I was like, "Are you pregnant?"
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- She was like, "No, I'm not," and I was like, "Oh, OK." It was embarrassing.- Oh, no.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Do you reckon you'd ever make that mistake again?
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- No.- No. Well, we're about to find out, people!
0:07:36 > 0:07:42Yes, cos you are about to play Preggers Or Not Preggers!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Yes!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Preggers Or Not Preggers!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Here is the scenario.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54You is on your way home from work.
0:07:54 > 0:08:00The train is packed but you manage to get the last seat.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05Result. Yes! In she goes.
0:08:05 > 0:08:12You can't quite relax cos youse is getting evils from the fella next to you,
0:08:12 > 0:08:18and it suddenly dawns upon you that the seat you is sitting on
0:08:18 > 0:08:24is the priority seat for people who is pregnant, elderly or less able to stand.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Oo-oo-oo-ooh! You bitch!
0:08:31 > 0:08:37You look up and you see what appears to be six preggers birds,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40but all is not as it seems.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Only one of them is preggers. The others is just...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47big-boned.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54All you've got to do is give up your seat for the bird who you think is preggers and,
0:08:54 > 0:08:58if you get it right, you'll never have to face this dilemma again
0:08:58 > 0:09:01as you'll win this quality prize!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- AUDIENCE:- Oooh! - APPLAUSE
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Here we go.
0:09:06 > 0:09:12Passenger number one, will you please step forward?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14There she is.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Hello, my name's Nicola. Please can I have your seat?
0:09:19 > 0:09:26Ohh, what do you reckon? Is she eating for two cos she wants to or cos she has to?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Don't give up your seat just yet.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Passenger number two, please step forward.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37# Get up stand up... #
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Hello, my name is Laura.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Don't give your seat to her. Give it to me.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46What do you reckon? Real baby or food baby?
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- What do you think... preggers or not preggers? - Not preggers!- Not preggers?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Right, don't give up your seat just yet, sweetheart.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Passenger number three, please step forward.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Yes.- Hello, my name is Chloe.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Please don't give up a seat for them.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Please give it to me. - Ohh, she's nice, innit?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I'd definitely do her.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14As long as I went on top.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Passenger number four, please step forward.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20# Get up stand up... #
0:10:23 > 0:10:29- Omelette, what the fuck are you doing here?- I thought this was the queue for the buffet car.
0:10:29 > 0:10:35No, mate, it's not and you're dressed as a bird. Go sit down.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38- MAN:- Preggers!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41CHEERING
0:10:41 > 0:10:43To be fair, he does look good in maternity gear, don't he?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47All right from behind, I don't know...
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Number five, please step forward.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Yes! - APPLAUSE
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Hi, my name's Natalie.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Don't give up your seat for these guys. Can I have your seat?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Oh, very full boobs.
0:11:01 > 0:11:09Innit? But do you reckon that is full of milk or just full of whatever tits is made of?
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I don't know. Loveliness, I suppose. I don't know. Preggers or not preggers?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Not preggers!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Not preggers. Anyone think preggers?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21You think preggers? My man over here thinks preggers.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Why do you think preggers, geez? - She just looks pregnant.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Just looks pregnant. You've fucking cracked this game.
0:11:28 > 0:11:35Passenger number six, our final passenger, please step forward.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38# Get up stand up... #
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Hello, my name's Amanda.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Don't give your seat to them. Please can I have your seat?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Ohh, my gosh! She's rubbing it.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Is that the baby kicking or is it supper time?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Well, what do you think?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Preggers or not preggers...
0:11:56 > 0:11:58who are you going to go for?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Number one.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- You're going to go number one.- Yeah.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Let's find out if you is right.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Number two, please tell us...
0:12:11 > 0:12:14preggers or not preggers?
0:12:14 > 0:12:15I am...
0:12:15 > 0:12:16not pregnant.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Ohh, look at that!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Well done.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Number three, preggers or not preggers?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24I am...
0:12:24 > 0:12:26not pregnant.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Ohh, well done, sweetheart.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Number five, preggers or not preggers?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I am...
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Ohh!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- ..not pregnant.- Ohh!
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- You has just two left. - PHONE RINGS
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Who can that be?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Lee Nelson speaking.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56It's the banker.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02This is Preggers Or Not Preggers. You want Deal Or No Deal with the weirdy beardy fella.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Yeah, same sort of show, but we've got better prizes on this.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Yeah, you can win a chair.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Yeah, yeah.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15HE LAUGHS
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Yeah! Fuck off.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20OK. OK, cheers.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Cheers. Yeah.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27No, OK. Laters. Nice. Bye. OK. Cheers.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Wrong number.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34But he's offered you the swap, yes!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:36 > 0:13:39What a legend, banker! Offered the swap. What do you think? Swap?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- No!- Swap!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Oh, sweets, what are you going to do. Is you going to swap?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48PHONE RINGS
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Lee Nelson speaking.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Yeah, yeah, yeah. Omelette, did you order pizzas?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Yeah, I did.- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did. Cheers, nice one. Bye.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02OK, yeah, it's £86.90.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- Are you going to go for the swap, sweets?- No.- She's gone for it.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Will the real pregnant bird please
0:14:13 > 0:14:15take your seat?!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Ohh! Ohh!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Ohh! Oh!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Oh!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31YES! Look at that!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Yes! Well done.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Oh, my man, you've won a chair!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Please give it up for all the ladies!
0:14:45 > 0:14:50Here is one fella who don't ever have to give up his seat for no-one
0:14:50 > 0:14:52cos he don't even use the train.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54He's got a chauffeur-driven Hummer.
0:14:54 > 0:15:00Legend. Give it some for Premier League footballer, Jason Bent!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Yes!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Jason Bent is one of the Premier League's brightest talents,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12and we've been given 110% access to his life.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Hey, Jason.- Hello, mate.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20This is 110% Bent.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24CROWD WHISTLES AND JEERS
0:15:27 > 0:15:30With four red cards already this season,
0:15:30 > 0:15:35the last thing Jason needed was more controversy on the pitch.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Jason, a yellow card today for diving.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41How do you respond to accusations that you were cheating?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Very upsetting. You know, it was definitely contact
0:15:44 > 0:15:46and I probably would've scored as well.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I was running up to take a penalty.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Straight red card just ten minutes later, Jason.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Yeah, it was a terrible decision.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Um, the ref's got to use some common sense.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I mean, yes, I spat on the defender's face,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00but it wasn't a greenie.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Did you mean to spit in his face?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06It's difficult for me to comment. I didn't see the incident.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10But with kids watching on, should you be swearing at the referee?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13When he's a fucking prick like today, then yes.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19And of course, today's red card means you miss next week's derby.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22No, I won't, I've got Sky.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Jason, you are picking up a bit of a reputation for having a poor disciplinary record.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31You've already picked up a six-match ban this season.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yeah, the press made a lot of fuss over that.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38You've got to realise, if you want the Premier League to be the most competitive league in the world,
0:16:38 > 0:16:42occasionally things do spill over and you end up stamping on the ref's head.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46Um...you know, with all due respect, I feel it's time the press moved on.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Um, I've said I'm sorry, sent flowers, visited the grave...
0:16:52 > 0:16:55..but as the replays show, it WAS our throw-in.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Congratulations, Jason, you are today's Man Of The Match.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Cheers.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Next week, Jason gets in a panic when he's picked for a random FA drugs test.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Jason!- Jason's gone home!
0:17:15 > 0:17:16There's no-one in here.
0:17:16 > 0:17:22That's all on 110% Bent.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Quality!
0:17:24 > 0:17:28All right, people, who have we got in the house tonight, man?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Has we got like foreign people and that? Give us a cheer.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Yeah!- Loads of foreign fellas. Yeah, good for you.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Where are you from? We'll start with the fella at the back.- Sweden.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Sweden! You legend, my man.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- You proper, proper legend. Do you speak Swedish, geez?- Yeah, I do.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Speak some Swedish. Go on, say a few things.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I'll turn my back and pretend I'm watching one of my DVDs.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53HE SPEAKS SWEDISH
0:17:53 > 0:17:56It's one of them fucking gay ones, innit?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You legend. Welcome, my man. Absolutely welcome.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Look over here. Some foreigners here? Who was givin' it some?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- My man over here, where are you from?- Australia.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Look at that. Welcome, geez!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- Whereabouts are you from?- Melbourne.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Should we say Sydney and make it easier?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15If you like.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18No idea, innit? Good for you, my man.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- Are the Aussies a nice bunch? - Yeah, they're a great bunch, yeah.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Yeah, OK, so we just get the dicks over here, then?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Whereabouts are you from? - Serbia.- Serbia!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Quality! Did you see a queue and think they was handing out visas?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Serbia, legend, innit? Welcome, geez, welcome.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- What's your name, my man?- Douche.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43LAUGHTER
0:18:43 > 0:18:48If you've got any chance of fitting in, you've got to change that, my man.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Yeah, what is it...Douche?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Douche.- OK, can we think of another name for him, anyone?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59- Clive!- What, Clive? That's fucking out of order!
0:18:59 > 0:19:04From now on, my man, you is Clive. You're an Englishman, innit.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06100% welcome to the Serbian!
0:19:06 > 0:19:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Legend. Look at that, you're pointing at her. That's quality, man.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- Whereabouts are you from? - New Zealand.- New Zealand!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18And you're with the Serbian man. Round of applause, man.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Innit?
0:19:21 > 0:19:22For the Internet.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26It's all good, innit? I don't know about New Zealand.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Whereabouts in New Zealand are you from?- Hamilton.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Shall we say Sydney and make it easier?
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Geez, I can't believe I ain't spotted you. Look at this man!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Can you see this man? He's straight. Look at him, look at him.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45He's fucking brilliant.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Yes. He's from another fucking century!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Genius. Look at that.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55How was your day, geez, cleaning chimneys?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Where are you boys from, by the way? Are you London boys?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- From Hong Kong.- From Hong Kong? Fucking brilliant!
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Look at that.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09China. Are you proper Chinese? You were both made in China?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Yeah? They're brilliant, man.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Quality. What do you like?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Have you like checked out Chinatown?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Is it similar or different?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- Quite different. - Is it? What's the difference?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27In Hong Kong, you have got something you like, like warmandwet.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- What's that?- Warmandwet.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Fuck.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Say that again, geez, but slow it right down.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Warm. And wet.- Warm and wet? - I thought that's what you like!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You fucking dirty boy!
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Listen, people, every one of you is welcome on my show.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Now, who here likes old people?!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- CHEERING - Yes! Who here likes fun stuff?!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- CHEERING - Yes!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Well, youse is going to love this. It's time for
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Old People Do Fun Stuff!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Yes!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Old People Do Fun Stuff!
0:21:06 > 0:21:11This week on Old People Do Fun Stuff, it's Jeff. Hello, Jeff.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15What is you going to do for us on this week's Old People Do Fun Stuff?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Lee, I'm going to do an impression of Michael Caine.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Wicked!
0:21:20 > 0:21:25And I thought I'd seen everything. Over to you.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29DRUM ROLL
0:21:31 > 0:21:34My name is Sir Michael Caine.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Yes!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:38 > 0:21:41There's not a lot of people know that.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Yes!
0:21:44 > 0:21:48You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Yes! Yes!
0:21:50 > 0:21:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:57It's funny cos he's old.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Quality!
0:21:59 > 0:22:04And who better to introduce what's coming next than Michael Caine?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Hello, Michael Caine here.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- Pop your nuts for Faliraki Nights. - Yes!
0:22:15 > 0:22:22Every year, thousands of young holidaymakers go to Faliraki for fun, sun, sea and a whole lot more.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27Three-times Rep Of The Year, Chris Young gives these party-goers the holiday of their lives.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31What's the secret of my success? You're about to find out.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35This is Faliraki Nights.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40You see, with most reps, you get a few fun hours here, a few fun hours there,
0:22:40 > 0:22:43but when I'm your rep, it's a 24/7 party. There's no letting up.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47THEY SCREAM
0:22:47 > 0:22:51"On Chris's tour, you never snore.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53"You know the score."
0:22:55 > 0:23:01If they do try and get some shut-eye, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05BANG!
0:23:05 > 0:23:06I'm awake!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08THEY CHEER
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Whoa! Get it down me!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Message in a bottle -
0:23:14 > 0:23:16that always wakes them up.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I'm awake!
0:23:22 > 0:23:27When they go to sleep on my watch, they can find themselves having a wet dream.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I'm going to fucking piss on him to wake him up!
0:23:30 > 0:23:34CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
0:23:34 > 0:23:38And if those don't do the job, there's always barf time.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44I'm awake!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50On Chris's tour, you never snore.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53ALL: You know the score.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54He just never lets you sleep.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56It's fucking brilliant!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I truly care about these people.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01One of the first things I do is look down the list
0:24:01 > 0:24:04and see if anyone's got a birthday whilst they're out here
0:24:04 > 0:24:06so I can give them a really special day.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09# Happy birthday to you! #
0:24:09 > 0:24:17One, two, three, wey! Yeah!
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Let's open his fucking presents!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24You know, every holiday has sadly got to come to an end,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27but I make sure they leave with a bagful of memories.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32The award for the best tits goes to Kaz!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Tits out, tits out!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38For the smallest cock...
0:24:38 > 0:24:40it's Ian!
0:24:40 > 0:24:41The least popular bloke...
0:24:41 > 0:24:42it's Todds.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Yes.
0:24:48 > 0:24:55So, for one last time... let's get fucked up!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Hello, Omelette.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Do you know what it's time for?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- My swimming class?- No, mate.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It's time for Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge!
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Omelette, on this wheel are three things
0:25:25 > 0:25:29and, at the end of the show, you HAVE to do one of them,
0:25:29 > 0:25:30so do you fancy
0:25:30 > 0:25:37getting humiliated medieval style as the audience chuck fish guts at your head whilst you is in some stocks?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- CHEERING - No, definitely not.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46Are you up for putting on a bikini and mud-wrestling two well strong girls?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51No, thanks.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Would you like to chat up and snog the letter E?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:25:58 > 0:25:59No, not really.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Well, you is going to have to do one of them, mate,
0:26:02 > 0:26:07cos it's Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge! Spin that wheel!
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Yes!
0:26:08 > 0:26:14Ohh...
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Yes!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:26:17 > 0:26:22Omelette, is you going to put on a bikini and mud-wrestle two well strong girls?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24No, I'm not.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:26:26 > 0:26:33- Everyone, do it, do it... - Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it...
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh. You going to do it now?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Yeah, all right.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yes!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43We've peer-pressured him into it.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Quality! Off you go and get ready, Omelette!
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Yes! Proper funny.
0:26:52 > 0:26:57That, people, is all we've got time for. Oh, no!
0:26:57 > 0:27:03Yeah, I better get back to my little boy I left in with Neighbours and that finishes at six, innit?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06There's just one more thing to come.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08It's my nan singing a classic tune!
0:27:08 > 0:27:14Yes, come on down, Nan! Yes!
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Thank you for coming.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Thank you for watching.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Sweetheart, I'll see you on my car bonnet.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Who are you going to be tonight, Nan?
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Tonight, Lee, I'm going to be Dizzee Rascal.- Quality!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Take it away, Nan!
0:27:30 > 0:27:36Yes! Everyone up and giving it, yes!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# I wake up Every day is a daydream
0:27:40 > 0:27:42# Everything in my life ain't what it seems
0:27:42 > 0:27:44# I wake up Just go back to sleep
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# I act real shallow But I'm in too deep
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# All I care about is sex and violence
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# A heavy bass-line is my kind of silence
0:27:51 > 0:27:52# Everybody says that I gotta get a grip
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# But I let sanity give me the slip
0:27:56 > 0:27:57# Some people think I'm bonkers
0:27:57 > 0:27:59# But I just think I'm free
0:27:59 > 0:28:00# Man, I'm just living my life
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# There's nothing crazy about me
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# Some people pay for thrills
0:28:04 > 0:28:06# But I get mine for free
0:28:06 > 0:28:08# Man, I'm just living my life
0:28:08 > 0:28:10# There's nothing crazy about me. #
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:15 > 0:28:18E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk