0:00:02 > 0:00:08You'll be all right on your own tonight, yeah? Yes. Make sure you finish your homework.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13Then you can go joy riding.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17This programme contains strong language and adult humour
0:00:35 > 0:00:41Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Quality!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43CHEERING
0:00:43 > 0:00:48Yes! Hello, my man, my man, my man, my man, spread the love, spread the love,
0:00:48 > 0:00:52spread the love, spread the love, spread the love, spread the love.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Yeah! Nice, innit? Yes!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Hello, hello, hello, people, my man, look at that. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Spread the love, spread the love.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Look at that hair. That is wrong. Hello.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Yes, my man, my man, my man. Geezer, geezer, look at that.
0:01:07 > 0:01:14Yes! Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19Welcome to Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. I'm Lee Nelson.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22CHEERING
0:01:22 > 0:01:28Coming up on my show tonight, he lives on my estate, he's the size of Kuwait,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30it's my best mate Omelette!
0:01:30 > 0:01:37Yes. My nan is going to be singing a massive tune!
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Yes. Hello, Nan.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45And we'll all be having a laugh at that man's lady perm.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51It's Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Quality!
0:01:51 > 0:01:58Yes. Yes, people, people, people, I am in the mood of my life.
0:01:58 > 0:02:04Let me tell each and every one of you that my brother has just got back from Afghanistan!
0:02:04 > 0:02:11Yes, yes. He ain't a soldier or nothing. He had his stag out there.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16Legend, innit? He said it was like a war zone or something. Yeah!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19So I've had to look after my little sister the whole week.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22She's a proper handful, let me tell you, man, 13 years old,
0:02:22 > 0:02:26I've gotta look after her, she's always giving me this. I'm just sitting there,
0:02:26 > 0:02:31minding my own business the other day watching telly, she canes it out the house.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36I'm like, "Where's you off to?" She's like, "I'm off to a mate's party. Nothing you can do about it."
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Giving it all that! I says, "You ain't going to a party looking like that,"
0:02:40 > 0:02:43you know what I mean? "Now, you get back upstairs
0:02:43 > 0:02:46"and you put some fucking make-up on!"
0:02:47 > 0:02:50She looked 11.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Who here's got a little sister?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Little sister alert, little sister alert. Anyone, anyone?
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Have you, geezer, over here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at you, my man.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04You can't go all shy on me - not after putting on them clothes this morning.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- How old is your little sister, geezer?- 16.- 16 years old?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Look at that. Yeah, that's a big age, innit, 16?
0:03:12 > 0:03:17When you go from 15 to 16, that is a big one, innit? Do you know what I mean, geez?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Like, the day before, I'd be a paedo.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Day after, legend.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30Yes, you can't stop me. She's 16, innit? Oh, look at that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Good for you, geezer, good for you.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37Quality, man, you don't like it when I talk about your sister like that. It's all good, man.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40It's 'ard, though, innit? My little sister's been well cut up
0:03:40 > 0:03:47because our granddad passed away a little bit ago, which was well difficult for her especially, man.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Basically we took him to Alton Towers
0:03:50 > 0:03:53and it was all a little bit too much for the fella.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Yeah, he died on that Nemesis ride.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02Which is bad, but at least we got a photo of him just before he passed away.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Well, we would have, but 12 quid?! Fuck that!
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Yeah. You got a granddad, sweetie pie?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- No, not any more.- Not any more? Oh, my gosh!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Let me comfort you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28With my tongue.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Come on, it's what he would've wanted.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39He was filthy. Yes, look at that,
0:04:39 > 0:04:44look at that. That's how you end up banging 'em, innit, geez? How old are you, geez?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Just 16.- 16? Have you done it yet?
0:04:47 > 0:04:52Wow, my man, it's all a bit embarrassing for you. Is this your dad?
0:04:52 > 0:04:58- Yeah.- Look at that. He's fucked a load of people!
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Oh, my gosh!
0:05:12 > 0:05:18- My man, good to see you.- Yeah, and you.- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at you, mate. You all right, geez?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Yes, I am.- Yes...- Enjoying it.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Enjoying it? Fucking brilliant. Yes! Yeah!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Look at that, my man. You gotta let go, man.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- I have.- You just ease it up now. That's it. Yes.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36- How old is you, geez?- 78.- 78?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40That's so good, my man. Come here, geez. Good for you, my man. Give me your wallet.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47They're so easy, innit? Good for you, geez, good for you, my man. Quality.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I miss my granddad, man. I properly miss my granddad.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56Do you miss your granddad, sweetheart? Yeah. Oh, my gosh, let's have a hug about it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Maybe a little feel and that.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05It's nice, innit? Yes, sweets, innit? Yes, look at that.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Are you watching and learning, geez?
0:06:08 > 0:06:13You gotta, like, take an interest in them and all that sort of stuff. That's what girls love -
0:06:13 > 0:06:15they love it when they talk to you and all that.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17So, you all right, sweets?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Yeah.- Yeah? What's your name, delicious?- Cat.- Cat?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24That's the most beautiful name I ever heard in my life.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Now, that's a pack of fucking lies.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31She don't need to know that. You keep 'em interested, innit?
0:06:31 > 0:06:36Sweets, tell me a little bit about yourself, what you got up to today.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Went to work.- Oh, that's so fucking interesting. You see?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Couldn't care less.
0:06:42 > 0:06:48What you into, sweets? What gets you in the mood? Hmm? Hmm?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Do you like hoovering? You make use of 'em, innit, geez.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Write that down, geez. Give me a shout when you done it.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02What the fuck are you doing in here with a waistcoat?
0:07:02 > 0:07:07- Off, off, off! - ALL CHANT: Off! Off! Off!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Off, off, off, never again!
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Man, what's going on with you?
0:07:18 > 0:07:23You're a single man, ain't you? Yeah.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25It's been a while, innit?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28When was the last time you got your dipper wet, my man?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Don't even remember. - You can't even remember?!
0:07:32 > 0:07:38Fucking hell! You must have the biggest balls in the world. Shall we make this man's night?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40ALL: Yes!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Make this man's night, people.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46OK, it's your lucky day cos you are going to play
0:07:46 > 0:07:52- Taken From Behind! - THEY CHEER
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS - Taken From Behind!
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Right, my man, I'm going to give you the chance to have five minutes
0:08:01 > 0:08:05in the disabled toilet with a super-fit bird, my man.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I've seen her. She's proper, proper lush.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13I'd definitely do her. I know your standards are incredibly low, you'd do anything.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17What you've gotta do is pick her out at the bar. By the way,
0:08:17 > 0:08:22you've had six pints, two whisky chasers and a cheeky line.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Omelette, give us the beer goggles.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27My man, look ahead. Whack these on.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Yes, you're proper, proper pissed.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Quality. Let's go to the bar.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Yes!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- Stand here, my man. - CHEERING
0:08:39 > 0:08:45OK, look at that. There's four of them waiting for you. You've just gotta pick one. It's tricky, innit?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Shall we ask the audience? Audience, what do you think?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Shout 'em out, shout 'em out.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Two? What do you think? I tell you what, shall we...?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Do you want to phone a friend? Yeah? You want to phone a friend?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01He's seen it's your number and he's fucking ignored it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04He wears a waistcoat!
0:09:07 > 0:09:13My man, but the mate ignored your number cos he was buying a round of tequila slammers at the bar.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18Let's whack these down. You're even more fucked.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23My man, bar is closing. Who you going to pick?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Number three. - He's gone with number three!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28CHEERING
0:09:28 > 0:09:33My man, you've just had your wallet nicked, you've sobered up.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Let's see what you could've won. Number one,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39please turn round.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- CHEERING - You missed him.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48My name is Nick, and from behind, I look like a bird.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50From the front, it's up for grabs.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58That takes me right back to Bangkok 2007.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02OK. Still happy with number three?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06You're shitting it, aren't you?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08He wears a waistcoat!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Number two, please turn round.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Oh, well done to avoid that.
0:10:19 > 0:10:26My name is Janet. I'm 78 and I'm just happy to be alive.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Thank you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Good work, my man. It's looking all right.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38Mind you, if you would have chosen her, at least you wouldn't have had to wear a johnny.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45Between three and four, here's what you could've won. Number four, please turn round.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51Oh, no! Oh, no!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Man, no!
0:10:54 > 0:11:00I'm Cat. I'm the absolute stunner, you plonker, and I would've been well up for it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05My man!
0:11:07 > 0:11:14She's a proper slag. Woo!
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Woo! Here's what you've won. Number three, please turn round.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- Oh, no! - BOOING
0:11:23 > 0:11:28- AUDIENCE:- Do it, do it, do it!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33Off you go to the disabled toilet!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Oh, my gosh, that beard is going to chafe!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:11:46 > 0:11:51Well, he's clearly a mug with the birds, but here's one man who don't have no problems in that department.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56It's my favourite Premier League footballer. Give it up for Jason Bent!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- CHEERING - Yes!
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Jason Bent is one of the Premier League's brightest talents
0:12:04 > 0:12:08and we've been given 110% access to his life.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15This is 110% Bent.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20It's been a dramatic three weeks for Jason,
0:12:20 > 0:12:24but his court case is finally over and it's good news for all concerned.
0:12:29 > 0:12:35It's been proven in court today that I am innocent of all ABH assault charges.
0:12:35 > 0:12:41I've said throughout I'm innocent and it's a massive relief that I've finally been found innocent.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46It was always my big fear that the truth would come out in court.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51I want to thank my family, my friends, and my teammates
0:12:51 > 0:12:55who all stood by the story I gave them.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I ask the media to respect my privacy
0:12:58 > 0:13:03and I intend to make no further comment now or in the future,
0:13:03 > 0:13:09but you can read my side of the story exclusively in my forthcoming book, Getting Away With It.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Thank you very much.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- What did happen that night, Jason? - As I said in court,
0:13:13 > 0:13:18I went out with a few of the lads, we had a big game the next day, so we went clubbing,
0:13:18 > 0:13:22and we was enjoying a quiet drink - about eight pints -
0:13:22 > 0:13:26when unfortunately I had no choice but to strike the man in self defence,
0:13:26 > 0:13:31when, out of nowhere and totally unprovoked, he started walking away from me,
0:13:31 > 0:13:36shouting, "I don't want no trouble. Please, please, I don't want no trouble."
0:13:36 > 0:13:41Unfortunately, his mates got involved and started giving it the old,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44"For God's sake, stop it! He's 67."
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Do you feel you have the full support of the club?
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Yeah, the club's been magnificent. In fact, I want to thank everyone at Ministry of Sound.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56Do you think your case ended up in court because you're a celebrity?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Yeah, 100%. I was arrested cos I'm a footballer.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02The whole thing's a joke, to be honest with you.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06The bloke who took me to court wasn't even the one I proper battered.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Jason, are you embarrassed by the YouTube clip that's emerged of you with a girl in a hotel room?
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Yeah, it's been extremely embarrassing, not just for me, but for my family to see that.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21I can assure you, as I've assured them, I normally last a lot longer.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- What about the allegations that have followed? Did she agree to have sex with you?- Yes, she did.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Erm, I can't remember if she asked all six of us.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34- So, it was consensual sex, then? - Absolutely not. Nothing dirty like that.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36It was a straightforward spit roast.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49Next week, the club organises a team bonding weekend for Jason and the squad.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- That's for sleeping with my missus, you- BLEEP!
0:14:54 > 0:14:57That's all on 110% Bent.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- CHEERING - Jason Bent!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Who've we got in the house tonight, by the way? Have we got any...?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Londoners, make some noise. - CHEERING
0:15:10 > 0:15:16Loads of Londoners! Have we got anyone from outside the UK? Give us a cheer.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- CHEERING - Whereabouts are you from, my man? - Chicago.- Chicago.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25Look at that, geezer. Yes, the American in the house. You let us know you're here.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30- Yeah, you can't hold it in, even when you try to.- It's coming out.
0:15:30 > 0:15:37- Woo! Give us a woo!- Woo!- I love that. You've got to be a legend. You're hysterical about everything.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Woo!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40"Our leader's black.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44"Woo! Our leader is black. Woo!"
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Ours was Brown. We don't bang on about it.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Who else have we got in the house tonight? My man, whereabouts are you from?
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- Sydney.- Sydney? Look at that! I know Sydney. Let's go to say hello to my Sydney man.
0:15:58 > 0:16:03Yes. I love the different cultures and shit, you know what I mean?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Because that, in England, your hair is considered a disgrace.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11So many of you have even got nicknames for each other, innit?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- You call us Poms, don't you? - Poms, yeah.- Yeah.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16We call you...racists.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I love the Aussies, man.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I love all the foreigners. Hello, sweetheart.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- You look confused. You don't speak English.- No.- Whereabouts you from?
0:16:27 > 0:16:32- Romania.- Romania? Look at that. No wonder you're shaken up. Are you all right, sweetheart?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36How long did it take you to come here from Romania?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- SHE SPEAKS ROMANIAN - Just a few hours.
0:16:38 > 0:16:45A few hours. Fucking hell. Just clinging on to that lorry. Welcome, welcome.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Grab some food. You've done well hiding in here. Clever.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54Whereabouts are you from, babe? Heaven?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58What the fuck are you looking at?
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Look at you and these fucking guns here. Look at that.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Actually, he's just fat.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Let me see.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11That is proper, innit? Give us a punch.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- Are you serious?- Go on, stand up. I'm serious, I'm serious. Come on, everybody.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- ALL:- Do it, do it, do it!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22OK, now, just smack him right there.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Who else? Who else? We've got other foreign people over here.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32The three at the front. Look at that.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Whereabouts are you from? - Germany.- Germany?
0:17:34 > 0:17:39I'm so happy, man. I thought you was a fucking miserable Londoner,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43but he's actually a very happy German. Come here, dude.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48Come here. Look at that, man. Oh, my gosh. Sorry to take the piss, geez, but...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50you started it.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I can't believe I didn't spot you. Look at this man.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06Do you see this man? He's straight. Look at him, look at him. Fucking...
0:18:06 > 0:18:12He's fucking brilliant! Yes, he is from another fucking century.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17Genius. Look at that. How was your day, geez, cleaning chimneys?
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- Where are you from, geez, at the back?- Zimbabwe.- Zimbabwe. Whereabouts is that?- Africa.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- Africa?- Yeah.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37Look at him. You are not African.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- I am.- OK, and if you are, you are ill.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh, man.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49Welcome, everyone, man, because in London, I think we welcome all the foreigners proper, you know?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52There's only one day every year when we don't.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56One day every year, we let all the frustrations out on the foreigners in London.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57You know what I'm talking about, London, isn't it?
0:18:57 > 0:19:03They close down all the roads in the centre of London and thousands
0:19:03 > 0:19:05and thousands of people
0:19:05 > 0:19:10chase after these five Kenyans.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24And quite a few people in wheelchairs. It's horrible.
0:19:25 > 0:19:32Listen, people, the UK has welcomed this next foreigner with open arms, and what a mistake that was.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- Go mental for Dr Bob! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Well, hello there, viewers.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53Welcome to Hospital Life with me, Dr Bob.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Coming up on today's show...
0:19:56 > 0:20:00'Will Mrs Maloney finally wake from her coma?'
0:20:00 > 0:20:03MRS MALONEY!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09'And I'll be performing my first ever laser eye surgery.'
0:20:12 > 0:20:16That's all coming up on Hospital Life.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Fantastic.
0:20:20 > 0:20:27Hospitals are often sad places to be, but there are some patients who can really brighten up the day.
0:20:27 > 0:20:33Mr Thomas here has what's known in layman's terms as "man boobs",
0:20:33 > 0:20:37or to give it its proper medical name, "moobs".
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Hello, Mr Thomas. Can we see your tits?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Great!
0:20:45 > 0:20:50Obviously it's a very distressing condition for Mr Thomas
0:20:50 > 0:20:56and this afternoon he's having an operation to remove them.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00So, for one last time, may I?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06What a waste!
0:21:09 > 0:21:15If you're elderly and living alone, perhaps you should consider killing yourself.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25Welcome to our most popular part of the show, breaking bad news.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29When breaking bad news, I find using humour
0:21:29 > 0:21:33can really help a patient come to terms with things.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Let's give it a whirl, shall we?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Hello, Mrs Daniels. How're you doing today, dear?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- I'm all right. Just a bit nervous about...- Good!
0:21:46 > 0:21:52Mrs Daniels, why did the chicken cross the road?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54To get to the other side?
0:21:54 > 0:21:58No, to pick up your medication. You've got MRSA.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Good chicken.
0:22:02 > 0:22:09Well, unfortunately, that's all we've got time for, but not to worry.
0:22:09 > 0:22:17Just like Mrs Daniels, I'll still be here next week with an insomniac special, so, till then, night night.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Right, who here likes old people? Yeah!
0:22:27 > 0:22:28- AUDIENCE:- Yeah!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Who here likes fun stuff?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Well, you're going to love this.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37It's time for Old People Do Fun Stuff!
0:22:37 > 0:22:38CHEERING
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Old People Do Fun Stuff!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48This week on Old People Do Fun Stuff it's Antonio.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Hello, Antonio.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53What are you going to do for us on this week's Old People Do Fun Stuff?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I'm going to pop my eyeballs out of my head.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Fucking brilliant. Over to you.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05DRUM ROLL
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Yes!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10APPLAUSE
0:23:19 > 0:23:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Legend!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's funny cos he's old.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Now, here's something to make anyone's eyes pop out.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43It's my favourite show on the telly. It's Faliraki Nights!
0:23:44 > 0:23:52Every year, thousands of young holidaymakers go to Faliraki for fun, sun, sea and a whole lot more.
0:23:52 > 0:23:58Three-times rep of the year Chris Young gives these partygoers the holiday of their lives.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01What's the secret of my success? You're about to find out.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05This is Faliraki Nights.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I see my job starting
0:24:07 > 0:24:09as soon as I pick up the group from the airport.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I get them on the coach and I explain how the week's going to work
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and a little bit about what to expect.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Hello, everyone. My name is Chris. Welcome to Faliraki!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Let's get fucked up.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Fucking brilliant!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28When we arrive, we'll go straight to dinner,
0:24:28 > 0:24:33but I can see someone's eating theirs already!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Fucking suck it!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Let's get fucked!
0:24:43 > 0:24:47I think it's so important as a rep to build up a good group spirit
0:24:47 > 0:24:50and to get to know your group and to get them to know each other.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53My name is Annie and I love sucking cock.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Who wants some breakfast?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I actually like to get the coach driver involved as well.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Wanker! Wanker! Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Chris is amazing!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Best fucking rep ever!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22People say to me, "Chris, why do you think you're such a good rep?"
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Simple. It's the games I play.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Ten-Shot Challenge!
0:25:36 > 0:25:41My favourite Chris game? It's got to be the Doggie game.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Let's play Doggie!
0:25:44 > 0:25:50Come on, lads! Yeah, come on, fuck her! Fuck her! Yeah!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, it's got to be the Pint Of Chunder.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Down that chunder!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Chunder, chunder, chunder, yeah!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02The Ice Cream Surprise is the best. It's fucking ace!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08You've just eaten some of my shit!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13My favourite has got to be Fuck A Virgin.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20They're going to fuck him!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21What's my favourite game?
0:26:21 > 0:26:26Gotta be the legend that is Chris Young's Race Against Time.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Get sucking!
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Keep sucking! Yes!
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- Suck it! - ALL:- Suck it! Suck it! Suck it!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42BLOWS WHISTLE
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Stop the cock! 3 minutes 28 seconds.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52We have a winner!
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Yes.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02That, people, is all we've got time for. Oh, no!
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Yeah, I've got to go and pick up my little boy from school.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09He broke up last week.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13There's just one more thing to come. It's my nan singing!
0:27:15 > 0:27:21Come on down, Nan. Quality. Thank you for coming.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Thank you for watching.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Sweetheart, I'll see you by the bins. Yes.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Who're you going to be tonight, Nan?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Tonight, Lee, I'm going to be Dizzee Rascal.- Quality!
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Take it away, Nan.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# Bonkers... #
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Yes! Everyone, up and giving it.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Yes, yes.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# I wake up every day it's a daydream
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# Everythin' in my life ain't what it seems
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# I wake up just to go back to sleep
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# I act real shallow but I'm in too deep
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# And all I care about is sex and violence
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# A heavy bass line is my kind of silence
0:27:57 > 0:27:59# Everybody says that I gotta get a grip
0:27:59 > 0:28:01# But I let sanity give me the slip
0:28:01 > 0:28:04# Some people think I'm bonkers
0:28:04 > 0:28:05# But I just think I'm free
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# Man, I'm just livin' my life
0:28:07 > 0:28:08# There's nothin' crazy about me
0:28:08 > 0:28:10# Some people pay for thrills
0:28:10 > 0:28:12# But I get mine for free
0:28:12 > 0:28:14# Man, I'm just livin' my life
0:28:14 > 0:28:16# There's nothin' crazy about me. #
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:20 > 0:28:24E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk