0:00:02 > 0:00:05- I'm off to do my telly show, you gonna be all right on your own?- Yeah.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Yeah!
0:00:10 > 0:00:14Oh, if you need anything at all just go to the neighbours'.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16They're on holiday. You can take what you like!
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Later!
0:00:18 > 0:00:25This programme contains strong language
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Lee Nelson's Well Good Show, qualitee!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Yes!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello,
0:00:59 > 0:01:03looking nice, girls, yes!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Hello, there's some fake tan!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Geezer, loving that, look at your cardy!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Oh, my gosh, my muscles over here, innit!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Glasses, legend, legend, legend. Spread the love!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Yeah, sort that hair our!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Hello, hello, yeah!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Curly! Loving it, you legend.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Yeah!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Welcome to Lee Nelson's Well Good Show!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30I'm Lee Nelson!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Joining me on my show tonight,
0:01:34 > 0:01:39he's gonna have a stroke but he's a top, top bloke,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41it's my best mate Omelette!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Yes, my nan is gonna be getting her freak on.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Yes! Hello, Nan.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54And I'll be making sure
0:01:54 > 0:01:58I never go to the same hairdresser as that bloke over there.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05It's Lee Nelson's Well Good Show, qualitee!
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Oh, yes!
0:02:08 > 0:02:13I am in the mood of my life, let me tell you that for nothing.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I've just had my school reunion.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18CHEERING
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Yes. I bunked it!
0:02:22 > 0:02:28I thought, "Why go back to the same school that treated me so bad,"
0:02:28 > 0:02:31you know? I got expelled from that school.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32I slashed the headmaster's tyres.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Yeah, pretty funny, actually,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39he must have been stuck in his wheelchair about 20 minutes.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I done it on gravel. Proper clever, innit?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I remember the first place I ever got kicked out of,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51my teacher caught me smoking weed in the toilets
0:02:51 > 0:02:52and he humiliated me.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55He phoned my mum up in front of the whole class,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58"I caught your boy smoking weed in the toilets.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02"You better find your son a new nursery."
0:03:10 > 0:03:15See, I weren't like proper sort of brainy and that,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I weren't like that man over there, innit?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20He's proper geeky legend, ain't he?
0:03:20 > 0:03:25you know the score with the glasses and the wrong clothes.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Come here, you legend, we're just different, innit?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30No-one's talked to him for years.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- Shall we find out how clever that man is?- AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Shall we do a clever test?- Yeah!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41CHANTING: Clever test, clever test, clever test,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44clever test, clever test!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Woo..
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Clever test.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51OK.
0:03:51 > 0:03:59Here's the scenario. You has got £25.50 in your pocket.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02You're at the bar with six mates.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Now, can you imagine that?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Obviously not, innit, geezer?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17See, I know maths, right, not in a clever way
0:04:17 > 0:04:20but in a able to impress your mates way.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24I can do sort of tricks with numbers that just fuck with people's heads, you know.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28I pick a random person... Oh, you, geez, you up for it?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Little bit? you're sort of... No, OK.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Let's go for this. She looks nicer to do tricks on, innit?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36All right, sweetheart,
0:04:36 > 0:04:40all you gotta do is tell me, in numbers,
0:04:40 > 0:04:46your day, month and year that you was born.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- The day?- 14.- 14. OK, you remember 14.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Two.- Two. You remember two.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58- 1989.- 89. All right, 14, 2, 89.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01You...
0:05:01 > 0:05:02is legal.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Is you clever, baby? No?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Fucking result.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18What you get up to, babe, when you was younger and that? Was you in the Girl Guides?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- Yeah.- Yeah, I thought you was
0:05:21 > 0:05:25cos you's tied my heart in a knot.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30I made a tent in my pants.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43You remind me of my head girl at my school.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Yeah, we had the head girl.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47It was nothing official, she was just the best at giving it.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Oh, you look like head boy material, fella.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Come here, you geezer, innit. Not you, your partner.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I thought my school was pretty good, actually. We had a motto -
0:06:03 > 0:06:06"Subsisto excarcere."
0:06:06 > 0:06:08"Stay out of prison."
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Omelette, right, did you go to our school reunion and that?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Yeah, I went for the free sandwiches.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19The reunion was 25 quid a ticket.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Them sandwiches weren't free. You wasted your money, you idiot.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26No, I didn't, I ate 750 sandwiches.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Legend. Was it nice to catch up with people and that?
0:06:35 > 0:06:39I don't know, I was in the toilet all night shitting out my sandwiches.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Unbelievable, that's fucking brilliant.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Oi, my man, listen, I know you's had a good time at your school,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50but with all due respect you might have struggled at my school.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53you know, you might have got bullied at my school,
0:06:53 > 0:06:57No, that's the truth, I would have made sure you got bullied at my school.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Give me your fucking money!
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Flashback to fifth form, he shat himself.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10Let's find out how you would have actually have got on at my school.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Let's go to Lee Nelson Comprehensive!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21# Lee Nelson Comprehensive game. #
0:07:21 > 0:07:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:31 > 0:07:34John Withall, I is gonna give you
0:07:34 > 0:07:40four classes to see if you could've handled life at LMC.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45If you do well you get to go round the back of the bike sheds
0:07:45 > 0:07:47with the head girl.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50CHEERING AND WOLF-WHISTLING
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Yes!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58But if you do badly in any lesson,
0:07:58 > 0:08:02you get a visit from the headmistress and a proper spanking.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05CHEERING AND WOLFWHISTLING
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Your first class...
0:08:11 > 0:08:15..Is PE, so I just need you to pop on your PE kit,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17and let's get started.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Have you forgotten your PE kit, Withall?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Right, well, you know what happens if you forget your PE kit at school,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31you have to do it in your pants.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- AUDIENCE CHANTS:- Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40do it, do it, do it,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Yeah!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Right, boy, I need you to do some star jumps. Off you go.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- CHEERING - Keep it coming.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Keep it coming.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Keep it coming!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17BELL RINGS
0:09:17 > 0:09:20The bell has gone, that was pathetic.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25You forgot your PE kit and your star jumps made me wanna be sick.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Withall, you failed PE.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30- AUDIENCE:- Aww!- Headmistress!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35CHEERING AND WOLFWHISTLING
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Someone needs punishing.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Bend over, boy.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Right over.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48You naughty little bugger! Say, "Sorry, Headmistress."
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Sorry, Headmistress.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55I didn't quite hear that, boy. Say, "Sorry, Headmistress."
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Tell me how much you love it. Say, "I love it, Headmistress."
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I love it, Headmistress.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Tell me, "I want to be punished."
0:10:03 > 0:10:04- I want to be punished.- Louder!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I want to be punished.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Ask me to sit on your face.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- AUDIENCE:- Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22OK, thank you, Headmistress.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:27 > 0:10:28It's time for your next class.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Religious education.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38Withall, why has you come to my RE class in your pants?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43It's headmistress time again.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- CHEERING - Oh, by the way, there's a new headmistress,
0:10:47 > 0:10:49that last one's now in prison for GBH.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Headmistress!
0:10:52 > 0:10:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- This boy needs punishing. - Bend over, boy.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08You naughty, naughty boy!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Legend, innit.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Right, trousers on, good boy.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Come and sit at your desk.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Let's get on with your RE class.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Now, in front of you is three women, all called Mary.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43To pass this class you need to tell me which one of them
0:11:43 > 0:11:45is the virgin Mary.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Audience, what do you think?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Three! Two!
0:11:50 > 0:11:54SHOUTING CONTINUES
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Well, the audience have helped you.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06They think it could be either one or two or three.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08What's the fucking point?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Withall, who do you think is the virgin Mary?
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- Number one.- Number one.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Will the real virgin Mary make yourself known?
0:12:26 > 0:12:32Hi, I'm Mary and I am a virgin.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Sweetie pie,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46what has gone wrong? You're a virgin, that's crazy.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- How old is you, baby?- 18.- 18!
0:12:48 > 0:12:54Oh, my gosh, I thought I held back, I waited till I was 11.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59People, let's show some love for the three Marys.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:04 > 0:13:10My man, you have failed RE. It's headmistress time.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Headmistress!
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Omelette, what is you doing?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Sorry, I was in the tuck shop.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You naughty, naughty boy.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:32 > 0:13:34BELL RINGS
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Bell's gone, next class.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Media studies.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45Now, to get a GCSE in media studies I need you to sit at your desk
0:13:45 > 0:13:47and do fuck all.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50BELL RINGS
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Congratulations, you've not only passed media studies
0:13:53 > 0:13:57you've also earned yourself a media studies degree, yes!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Next class is...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06biology.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08CHEERING
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- Bring out today's experiment. - CHEERING
0:14:22 > 0:14:28To pass this class, which of these three gorgeous girls...
0:14:28 > 0:14:30was born a man?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Audience help him out.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Number two.- You're going number two? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:48Number two, was you born a man?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Hello. My name is Carman Extravaganza
0:14:51 > 0:14:53and I was born a boy.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Wow. Wow, wow.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I'm amazed, sweetie pie.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I am Venus with a penis.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Ohhh! I'm from Mars
0:15:09 > 0:15:13and I'd love to do you up the arse.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Let's give it up for these three nice ladies!
0:15:20 > 0:15:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Withall, you has done pretty well.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35You failed PE, you failed RE, you passed Media Studies
0:15:35 > 0:15:37and you passed biology.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42You is the Lee Nelson Comprehensive proud. Congratulations!
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Off you go behind the bike sheds with the head girl.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54She was born a bloke as well.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Well, while he's finding that out, pop your nut for Jason Bent!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Jason Bent is one of the Premier League's brightest talents
0:16:07 > 0:16:11and we've been given 110% access to his life.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18This is, 110% Bent.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's been a bad week for Jason, with defeat for his team
0:16:25 > 0:16:28meaning they sit bottom of the Premier League table.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Jason how did you see today's game?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Well, it started off, er, then carried on,
0:16:36 > 0:16:40erm...with a break in the middle, then it was over.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Disappointing result, though?
0:16:42 > 0:16:47Yeah, but it was one of them games where whoever scored first was always gonna win it,
0:16:47 > 0:16:51and we just extremely unlucky, erm... especially with our fifth, sixth and seventh.
0:16:51 > 0:16:58To be fair, that eighth was unstoppable, erm...and frankly by nine we'd given up.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03You're bottom of the table and it seems it's the defence where the problems lie.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I think that's unfair to be fair.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09We've only conceded 12 goals all season,
0:17:09 > 0:17:13erm... granted this is the first game of the season.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18You got off with the worst possible start, conceding a penalty in the opening five minutes.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23Yeah, it was disgraceful decision. Erm...the lad's clearly taken a dive.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Erm...it was a fair challenge and he's gone down like he's been shot.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30I mean, his leg was hardly broken and to be fair to him,
0:17:30 > 0:17:35after me second and third tackle it was proper smashed up.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I saw you remonstrating with the referee. What exactly did you say to him?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Yeah, I just wanted to explain how I saw things.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Erm...I just said, "Referee, you're a prick.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50"Fucking, cheating refereeing prick. Fuck off, you ref prick.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52"You're a fucking refereeing prick."
0:17:52 > 0:17:57As usual, not only not interested in what the players had got to say just waved me away, very disrespectful.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01And you seemed to have a few words as well with the assistant referee?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05I just said, "You're a fucking, cheating assistant refereeing prick. Fuck off,"
0:18:05 > 0:18:08and she started to cry.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Can you take any positives from today at all?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Well, obviously my goal.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Erm...it's always nice to get on the score sheet.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Erm, ball got crossed and I saw it right,
0:18:19 > 0:18:23just managed to get me head in it and flew into the top corner.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Erm...I never normally celebrate own goals but that was special.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Do you think the manager's lost the dressing room?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39No, I don't think so. Erm... he was just in there a minute ago.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Oi, who's we got in tonight, people?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Has we got older generation people in the house?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Give us a cheer if you's over 60.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04Yeah, over there. Well done, sweetie pie for, for hearing.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Cos a lot of old people slow down, don't they? And that's...
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- Who here's been stuck behind an old person in the car in front. - CHEERING
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- Who here's stayed patient?- No.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Naughty! You gotta show some respect. I know where you're coming from.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25I got stuck behind an old person in the car in front a couple of weeks ago and I tried to stay patient,
0:19:25 > 0:19:29but then I sort of lost it after a while. I was hooting and tooting
0:19:29 > 0:19:34and swearing and shouting. I was like, "Move over, you old wanker!"
0:19:34 > 0:19:39Beep, beep, beep! "Hurry up, you old fucker!"
0:19:39 > 0:19:44It was the wrong thing to do, but it must have been like 15 minutes
0:19:44 > 0:19:46before this hearse finally...
0:19:46 > 0:19:49APPLAUSE
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Sweetie pie, I think the older generation deserve a lot more respect because it was
0:19:58 > 0:20:02different growing up back in the day. It was a harder thing to do.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07No iPods, innit? And just record players! How mental must you lot of looked going jogging.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- Who's that with you there? - Both my daughters.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15They still in touch and they help out with the house...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Yes.- ..clean it up and tidy it?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It'll be theirs in a couple of years, won't it?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Life's changed, innit, baby? Tell us what it was like.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I'll sit in your lap, innit? What happened?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Tell us what happened when you was growing up?
0:20:32 > 0:20:36I think we were happy because we didn't know any different, did we?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38You didn't know how shit it was.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And what else, sweetie pie? What else?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Well, we were just happy, you know? Happy and content with very little.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Yeah. You've lost it, haven't you?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Right, people, you knows what's coming next.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04It's Life Begins with Dr Bob!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Every second...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12of every minute...
0:21:12 > 0:21:14of every day...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16a new baby is born.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Screaming is not going to make things better!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Good.
0:21:21 > 0:21:27We put cameras into the wards of one of the busiest maternity hospitals in the country...
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Show me the baby!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Shit!- Following Dr Bob...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- and his team of midwives. - I've lost my pen!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39It's a baby!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Life begins with Dr Bob.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49So...first-time parents!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Little nervous? Yes.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Well, I always put my first-time parents at ease
0:21:56 > 0:22:00with an explanation of what having a baby is going to be like.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Yes, you will be in an awful lot of pain
0:22:03 > 0:22:06but it'll only last six hours or so
0:22:06 > 0:22:08before it gets a hell of a lot worse.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11You'll feel like you're trying to squeeze a hippo out of a plughole.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15And you'll try to comfort her, but you won't know what to do or say.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Frankly for all the good you'll be doing
0:22:17 > 0:22:20you might as well fuck off home.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Your body will turn into a shapeless lump.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Your boobies will swing lower than your knees as you endure weeks of painful breastfeeding,
0:22:28 > 0:22:33which you'll have to stop because your baby has chewed off your nipples.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35You'll have sex once a month - if you're lucky -
0:22:35 > 0:22:39which will you force you to visit a prostitute. Here's a card.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Mention my name, 20% off, card.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Your baby will suck up every penny you've ever made,
0:22:45 > 0:22:49your lives will be ruined and your relationship in tatters.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Gosh.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I've got six of my own.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I want to fucking kill myself.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03WOMAN GROANS
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Oh, don't cry, dear.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08There's so much worse pain to come.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Women - they're so weak.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I'm just going to have a lookie at your daughter's wookie.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You might want to cover your eyes.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Yes.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24A-ha. A-ha.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28A-ha. You can uncover your eyes. Right.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Very little progress. I'm afraid, you're hardly dilated at all,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34maybe...half a centimetre.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39But 20 minutes ago, the midwife said she was nearly six centimetre.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Ah! Do you know what I've done?
0:23:41 > 0:23:46I've just examined your daughter's poopie shootie. Silly me!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- WOMAN SCREAMS - That's it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53That's it. Push!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Yes! One last push!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Yes! Your baby.
0:23:59 > 0:24:05Would you like it to take away, or with rice?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09You're Chinese, right?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Taiwanese.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Ah! That didn't work then.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- Hello, Omelette.- Hello. - Do you know what it's time for?
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Aren't you bored of this yet?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32No, I'm not. It's your Peer Pressure Challenge!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge!
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Omelette, on this wheel is three things
0:24:47 > 0:24:50and at the end of the show, you has to do one of them.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Omelette, do you fancy...
0:24:54 > 0:24:59having a fit bird fire some paintballs at your massive belly?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03No, I don't actually.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Is you up...
0:25:05 > 0:25:08for putting a rubber Johnny on your head?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Don't fancy that, no.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14How's about...
0:25:14 > 0:25:20having a Sumo wrestle with a genuine Sumo wrestler?
0:25:20 > 0:25:21CHEERING
0:25:21 > 0:25:23No, definitely not!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Well, yous is gonna have to do one of them, mate,
0:25:26 > 0:25:30cos it's Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge! Spin that wheel!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Oh! Yes!
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Omelette, you're gonna get battered by a massive Sumo wrestling bird!
0:25:48 > 0:25:49No, I'm not.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51We'll see about that.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Everyone, let's pressure him into it! Do it! Do it!
0:25:55 > 0:25:59AUDIENCE: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04You gonna do it now?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Yeah, all right.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Yes! We've peer pressured him into it!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Off you go and get into your Sumo pants!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Quality.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Right, who here likes tips?
0:26:20 > 0:26:21AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Well, yous is gonna love this. It's me Auntie Janet's tips!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Fishing's a good hobby for every man to have.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37You can come home smelling of fish
0:26:37 > 0:26:40and your wife will never suspect a thing.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44What a knowledgeable woman!
0:26:44 > 0:26:48That, people, is all we've got time for.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Oh, no!
0:26:50 > 0:26:51But before we go,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54it's time to reveal this week's audience bell end.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Such a bell end. Brilliant.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23There's just one more thing to come, it's my nan singing!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Come on down, Nan!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Thank yous for watching. Thank yous for coming.
0:27:30 > 0:27:36Mwah! Hello, Nan. Who is you gonna be for us tonight, Nan?
0:27:36 > 0:27:42- Tonight, Lee, I'm going to be Missy Elliott.- Oh, yes!
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Take it away, Nan!
0:27:47 > 0:27:50# Missy be puttin' it down I'm the hottest round
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Told y'all mutha Can't stop me now
0:27:52 > 0:27:56# Listen to me now I've lasted 20 rounds
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# And if you want me Then come and get me
0:27:59 > 0:28:02# If you want me now The biggie biggie...
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# You dig the way Sw-sw-switched ma style
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# Holla! People sing around
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# People gather round
0:28:09 > 0:28:11# Get your freak on
0:28:11 > 0:28:13# Get your freak on Get your freak on... #
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Give it some! Give it some onto the camera!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18# ..Get your freak on
0:28:18 > 0:28:20# Is that your chick? People you know
0:28:20 > 0:28:23# Me and Timberlake been hot since...
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# What da dilly yo Now what da drilly yo
0:28:26 > 0:28:29# If you wanna battle me then let me know
0:28:29 > 0:28:32# Got the feeling son Get your freak on
0:28:32 > 0:28:35# Get your freak on Get your freak on, get your freak on
0:28:35 > 0:28:38# Getcha, getcha, getcha Get your freak on. #
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:41 > 0:28:44Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk