0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hello, Dwarves for Hire.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06'My name is Warwick Davis.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07'I'm an actor...'
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- He smells.- I think you'll find it's the bin.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11'An entrepreneur...'
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Signed DVDs of The Office, only 30 quid.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15- 'Soon to be divorced...' - I wanted to be a nurse.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Do we really need any more nurses?
0:00:17 > 0:00:19'Oh, and I've got a massive tax bill...'
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Would you be better off dead? Yes!
0:00:23 > 0:00:29This programme contains some strong language
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I'm out flat-hunting this morning.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Got tired of crashing with friends.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41I'm 41 years old, I need a new crib.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Estate agents will always try and screw you.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Now, you want them to think they need you a lot more than you need them.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53You know, if they say, "Nice place, isn't it?", you go, "Hmm, not sure."
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Even if it's perfect, always find a problem. You understand?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Yep.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00This is how we'll play it.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03You're my right-hand woman and you ask all the questions.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06It'll seem like I'm too important even to talk.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09No-one knows what I'm thinking.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14As far as the estate agent's concerned, I'm just some cool dude with short arms and deep pockets.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Yeah.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Lovely, isn't it?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Yeah.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39No.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41No?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No, but it's him you've got to please.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44What do you think?
0:01:44 > 0:01:49No-one knows what he's thinking. He doesn't even know what he's thinking.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- I know!- He knows. For him to know and you to find out.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54And don't charge him too much,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58cos he's got tiny little arms and so he can't reach his pockets.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00That's not what I said. I said that, oh, er...
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I've got short arms and deep pockets.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Shall we have a look round the rest of the flat?- Mm-hmm.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Problems.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- What?- Find a problem, remember?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Sorry, I can see some problems.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Problems? Like what?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Er, oh, um...
0:02:20 > 0:02:24This corner here, sharp corner.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27What if he, um, runs into that while he's playing?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- Playing?- Playing.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Well, no, what, what she means is, is, is that I...
0:02:32 > 0:02:37I'm a player, you know, like a playboy player, yeah?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39But don't worry, there'll be no trouble.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Settled down now, respectable, no more chasing the girls.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44He was always chasing the girls.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45- Mm-hmm.- Was he?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Yeah. But not in a scary little rapey way.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53And he wouldn't do anything if he caught them.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I mean, there's nothing of any importance he could reach on a girl, anyway.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02Unless they fell over while he was chasing them, then he could touch them everywhere.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Weren't we're having a look round?- Yeah.- Shall we just...
0:03:04 > 0:03:08- Oh, there's a kitchen. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11It's all mod-cons.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Fan-assisted oven.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17OK.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Fridge freezer, very big, lots of room.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- Is this microwave radioactive?- Sorry?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Are microwaves radioactive?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- What's that?- That's a drainer for plates.- Oh!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Do you like your job?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's great, especially when you're showing flats like this.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38- At the point that we do take the house...- Mm-hmm, the flat, mm-hmm.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42..do you think that, um, at any point we'd be able to have
0:03:42 > 0:03:48some kind of, like, moving in, kind of ceremony?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Do you mean like cutting the ribbon at the door?
0:03:50 > 0:03:57No, I mean like a ceremony, a kind of blessing of the flat.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Yes, I'm sure that would be... that would be fine.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Here's another problem.- What?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Look, problem. Hey, look, flag it up.- Oh.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Um, excuse me, I've found another problem.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17What's that?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Can you see the problem here? He's, um, too short.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24No, I'm not too short, it, it's too high.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26For you. It's fine for us, look.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Yeah, well, you won't be living here will you? It'll have to be changed.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Yeah, sure, sure.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Sorry, would you mind if I just use the toilet?- Yep.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Thank you.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Well, go on.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Got a nice little communal garden here.- Yeah, this is really nice.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50It's quite private, nobody comes out here, all busy working.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54I tell you what. You know, um, if we get, um, this place sorted properly?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Er, we could get some tracks down and, er,
0:04:58 > 0:05:00we could have a little sports day event for him
0:05:00 > 0:05:03and his friends, for Warwick and his friends.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Yeah, that's a great... - Do some relay races.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Yeah. Yeah.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- Um, anything. We could do hopscotch. - Yeah.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14You don't get any sort of, like, things in here that are going to eat him or anything?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15No, no, no.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- No.- It's fine, it's very, very safe. - But I mean, are you sure?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- You've got the exit over there. - It's my job to make sure it's safe.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Cheryl!
0:05:31 > 0:05:32What?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Oh! Ow! Fucking, pissing sock now.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Get here and help me down!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Jeez, I've been trapped in 'ere ages. Fucking... Oh!
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Oh, I've been trying to get your attention. Get out! Don't look!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48You getting all this? Don't shut the door!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I'm doing this round table meeting at Sue's request.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14She's started divorce proceedings.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19I can't afford a lawyer, so I'm being represented by my accountant.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32HE SNIGGERS
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- Warwick?- Mm-hmm.- Ian Walt. Nice to meet you.- Hello.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I'm Sue's solicitor, Ian Walt. And you are?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49He's MY solicitor.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51HE LAUGHS.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Not really, he can't afford a solicitor. I'm his accountant!
0:06:55 > 0:06:56I have to advise you,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59you really should retain a proper qualified solicitor.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- He studied law as well.- Yep, one term at the University of Bolton.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Haven't heard of that school. Did it used to be a polytechnic?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08No, I think it used to be a launderette!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12No, seriously, it was a shit-hole, but I wasn't cut out for law, anyway.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Too hard!
0:07:13 > 0:07:17You know what I'd like to do? You know those big rigs you get in America?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I'd like to get behind a wheel of one of them and just drive across country,
0:07:21 > 0:07:26and sort of imagine myself driving along, and seeing an old shack,
0:07:26 > 0:07:31and driving straight through it, and wood and chickens
0:07:31 > 0:07:34flying everywhere and people shouting, "Hey look at that guy!"
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Sorry, sorry. Can you just put your dreams on hold for now and focus on this?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Um, so what's the usual split? About half and half?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Well, that's what we're here to negotiate.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Yeah, gotcha, yeah. Erm, so...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51'I'm not seeing this as a final chapter.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55'I'm seeing this as a chance to listen to her complaints,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58'make amends and start again.'
0:07:58 > 0:08:03Depending on what the complaints are. If it's leaving the toilet seat up, fine, won't do it again.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06If it's, "Must try harder in the bedroom," forget it. I couldn't.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I've been working me bloody socks off, love. I'll have a coronary.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Any more effort on my part and you'll open your eyes to a dead dwarf slumped on you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16There's loads of jobs I'd like to do before accountancy.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17River police.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20How do you get into being river police? I'd love to do that.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23"Oh, what's that? Dead body."
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Get it out, it's a tramp. "Has he been murdered?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29"Looks like it. He's been raped."
0:08:29 > 0:08:30We don't know.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- So Sue says you're a famous actor. - Well, you tell me.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I've not heard of you. Are you famous?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Yes.- Sue says you've been in some films?- Some films?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Have you heard of Star Wars and Return Of The Jedi?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Yes.- Yeah. The Harry Potter films, you heard of those?- Yes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- And, er, have you heard of a film called Willow?- No.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- No?- No, I've never heard of Willow. Were you in that?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I was the star of that, yes.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- No, I've never heard of Willow. - Right.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Not many people have. It was not a success.- It was a success!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- Not really.- Return Of The Jedi was a success. I was in that. - What were you in that?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- I was an Ewok. - So your face was covered up?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Yes, it was...- I don't remember seeing you in Harry Potter, either.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Yeah, I was Professor Flitwick.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- You couldn't really see his face. - If you'd seen Willow, my face was in that.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16As I said, I've not seen Willow, or heard of it.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- No.- And as I said, no-one has, so don't feel too bad.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Have you heard of a little show called The Office?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Were you in that?- No, but I was in Extras, made by the same blokes.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Oh, I didn't see it.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- Didn't you? - Oh, I didn't like it.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It was just a sitcom where famous people popped up as themselves.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I must be pretty famous or they wouldn't have had me in it.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Yeah, it wasn't clear if you were supposed to be famous. Did they mention your name?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42You were a prop, basically you were a prop.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Sorry, why are we discussing my CV?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Can we just get back to this?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58We are still trying to lobby the Government to fund
0:09:58 > 0:10:03our community outreach programme, and some people have asked me how you can get involved.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Well, we do need some volunteers to leaflet outside Parliament this Saturday.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Oh, yeah, that reminds me, actually.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Never mind doing something for no money, that won't change anything.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16I'm looking for a couple of volunteers, cos my lot
0:10:16 > 0:10:20have got a bit militant lately and, er, I've got a gig this Saturday, Students' Union,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22£150 cash-in-hand.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26All it is, is you're a human bowling ball, basically.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30You're in your pants, you're greased up, slung along the floor by some pissed-up students.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- Easy money.- Warwick, sorry.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I don't think this is the right place to recruit for that.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37It's perfect, there's loads of dwarves here.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41What I mean is you're the Vice-Chairman.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46You're a spokesperson for little people, yet when we're trying to get things like dwarf-tossing banned
0:10:46 > 0:10:49from rugby clubs and university rag weeks,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51you're the one hiring out those dwarves to be thrown.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I want people to see a little person, wonder if he's a doctor or a lawyer,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59not wonder which cannon he's going to be fired from today.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03'The trouble with Anthony Braden is he's giving little people false hopes.'
0:11:03 > 0:11:07I've seen him say to young dwarves in there, "Oh, you can be an astronaut or a doctor."
0:11:07 > 0:11:10No, they can't, they're too small. Not going to be a doctor.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Can be a proctologist, maybe.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Then he'll be on his high horse again, "No, why can they only be proctologists?"
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Cos the only thing they can reach is the arse. And I'll have all these disillusioned dwarves
0:11:20 > 0:11:25crawling back to me, "Oh, don't want to spend me days doing that, I want to be in the movies."
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Well, no, you're too late, you had your chance, now get back to those arses.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Warwick, it worries me that maybe you're not
0:11:31 > 0:11:35the best spokesperson for our community and for our needs.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Maybe you're not the right person.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Maybe there's a grass roots uprising that says the old guy's lost it,
0:11:42 > 0:11:43let's have some new blood.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Maybe I should be the Chairman. - Everyone's entitled to run for this position.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Let's do it, then.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I hereby declare myself running for office
0:11:51 > 0:11:52and I second that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54You can't second yourself.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56No?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59All right, then, who seconds me? Come on.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01See?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03They don't know what time of day it is.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I'll second you, Warwick.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Really?- Yes, and we'll let democracy decide
0:12:08 > 0:12:09with a vote next week.
0:12:10 > 0:12:16Well, will they decide, though? I mean, will they remember?
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Are they even awake?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Sorry to bother you. Can I get a picture?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Yeah, sure, anything for a fan.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- Fan?- Yeah.- Fan of what?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Fan of me.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Why? Who are you?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Warwick Davis, obviously, famous actor.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Well, if you don't know who I am, why do you want a picture?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51It's funny, isn't it? A dwarf carrying a box. You don't see that round here.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Actually, do you mind if I film you? - Why?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Cos that's even funnier! - No, it's not funny.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Oh, yeah, it does look funny, actually. Sorry, um, we're filming.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- We're not filming.- Yeah we are, it's running. Are you moving in round here?
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- I'm having second thoughts. - We'll be neighbours.- Excellent. Still filming, are you?- Yeah.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09THEY LAUGH
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Oh, that is so going on YouTube!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Definitely!- Not definitely, no.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Hello again. Sorry, what's your name again?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Ian Walt.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Oh, Ian. Nice to have you here in my house.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- You don't live here any more. - It's still my house, though.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05So you enjoying it, then? Enjoying the house? Enjoying my house?
0:14:05 > 0:14:06- It's lovely.- Good.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07What did you want?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I just popped round to, er, to get, um...
0:14:11 > 0:14:12my baseball cap.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Gift from Mr Ron Howard.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Who's Ron Howard?
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- The director of Willow.- Oh, I've not seen it.- Yeah, you said. I'll get you the DVD.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Sorry, are you wearing slippers?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Yes.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Is it normal to be round a client's house doing paperwork wearing slippers?
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Everyone's different.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38What lawyer wears slippers? I've just never seen that before.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42On LA Law they didn't wear slippers. Perry Mason never had slippers on.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Even in Ironside he never had slippers, and he was in a wheelchair.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48He didn't even need shoes and he still wore shoes.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50You should probably get going, then.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. Um, you leaving, too, Ian?
0:14:54 > 0:14:55No.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Just "no"? No more information? Just leaving soon or...?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02What difference does it make if he's going now or later?
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Because we're both drivers, so, you know, let's drive.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Shall I, shall I just wait outside for you?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12No need.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Shall we...?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Not forget this.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Really haven't got long, I'm afraid, Warwick.- No.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36We've got a Skype call coming through and it's...
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Great.- Well, what can we do for you?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Advice, really.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Right.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I'm a bit worried about my wife and her lawyer.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I think there might be something going on.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51What, the lawyer who's representing your wife while she sues you for divorce?
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- Yeah, that's the one.- See my point? I don't know why you care any more. - OK.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Slippers.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00In what way?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- PHONE CALL FROM COMPUTER - Oh!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Hi, Steve.- Hello.- How's it going man?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- (Steve Carell.) - Thanks for doing this.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10You obviously got my email about the guest appearances.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I'm not just saying this
0:16:12 > 0:16:15because I've got a financial stake in the show.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20I really think it'd be good for your career to do the occasional guest appearance in The Office.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Obviously you can still do your films as well.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Of course. But, you know, if you did agree to even infrequent guest spots,
0:16:27 > 0:16:32the network said they would guarantee two more seasons,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- um, which is obviously incredibly lucrative, er...- For everyone.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Yeah, yeah. Um, you know what, let me think about it.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I will definitely consider it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Cheers, man.- Great.- Brilliant.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46We're in LA Thursday, if you want to do dinner and have a chat.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I'd love to.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- Brilliant. See you then.- See you.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- OK, good, see you later.- Bye.- Bye.
0:16:53 > 0:17:00I must say, makes me laugh a bit that he's a household name
0:17:00 > 0:17:03because of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do the odd guest spot.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07He should be begging me. Luckiest fucking actor in the world.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Yeah.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11You still there, Steve?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Sorry, man. I, I thought I'd... I thought I'd hung up.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18No.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20No, you didn't.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25I just turned the screen off, I thought I'd hung up.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26I'm really, um...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Do you still want to do dinner?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Mm, no.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Be awkward, wouldn't it?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Yeah, it would be.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Will you think about the guest appearances?- Er, no.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43- Dead in the water, that one. - It is, definitely dead. There's no way that's going to happen.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49- OK, cheers.- Bye, then.- Bye. - Bye-bye, now.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Why was he listening?
0:17:55 > 0:17:59I'll tell you why he was listening - cos he's an actor,
0:17:59 > 0:18:04and like all actors he's a little, paranoid,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06insecure, little fucker.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Are you still listening, Steve?
0:18:11 > 0:18:15I am, I am still listening to you talking.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18OK. You shouldn't be listening, not if we're not friends any more, mate.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- OK.- Steve, before you go, I'm a big fan.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Hey, that's really nice, thanks.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30You could always hang up this time, to make absolutely sure.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- That's true.- OK. Bye.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- He's gone.- Is it off?- Yeah, definitely. I was pressing the wrong thing.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Love Steve Carell.- Do you? - He's terrific. Yeah. Everyone loves him.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Not really, no.- Most do.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Idiotic thing to say. With six billion people on the planet,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48how are they all going to love one person?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51A lot of them do. Look at the American Office.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53What is it, ten million viewers it gets?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Ten million...- Watching him. - ..tune in and see my name on the credits.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- They watch it for him, though. - Not really.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02It wouldn't exist without me, and HE wouldn't exist without IT.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Ipso facto, I don't know what you're talking about.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Well, he's got likeability, though.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09He's a popular chap. You're more of an acquired taste.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Not everyone's into everything you do.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14My accountant, right, absolutely hated Extras.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Just thought it was a sitcom where famous people pop up as themselves.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I'm just saying not everyone's into everything you do.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Sorry, I've forgotten why you're here, again.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Maybe it's the fact that I've just lost 20 million on the new syndication deal.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33But go on, remind me.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37I was talking about my wife and her lawyer. How can I be sure there's nothing going on?
0:19:37 > 0:19:40You can't. You're getting a divorce. Move on.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I mean, what are you going to do, camp outside the house,
0:19:43 > 0:19:45spying on them like Inch High Private Eye?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Yeah, you know, you're right. I'm being silly.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12All right?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Cosy.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Slippers.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Warwick.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20- What?- What are you doing here?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Just want to get some of my belongings.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Like what?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Like my...
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Oh, yeah, my award there, from Guts.com.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34One of the internet's most respected horror movie websites.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36What did you win?
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor in an independently funded British horror movie.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Is it possible to win Best Actor AND Best Supporting Actor?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Yeah. Yeah if you play both Midge, the loveable children's clown,
0:20:47 > 0:20:49AND his lycanthropic Siamese twin.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53What, you don't know what that means, do you?
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Lycanthropy, yes, it means he changes into a wolf. You played both parts?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Yeah, it's easy.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03When they were both normal, I played both characters using a split-screen effect.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07When one of them changes into a wolf they just strapped me to a dog.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08What was the film called?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Weredwarf.- Haven't seen it. - What HAVE you seen?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Sorry, just, sorry. Do you really need this award right now?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Yes, I do.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Would you like me to get it down for you?- No.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24- I can get it. - No. It's, it's fine, I can manage.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54You all right?
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Mm hm.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Cool.
0:22:22 > 0:22:29Oh! Ah! Oh, oh!
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Agh!
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Warwick, for goodness sake, just let me get it down for you.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39It'd have been fine if it'd been on that shelf. I don't know why it's that high up, it's ridiculous.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Would you want me to put it on that shelf?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Were you going to put it on that shelf, anyway?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Yes, I was going to put it on that shelf later.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Well, if you're going to put it there anyway, then put it there now, of course.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Oh, for goodness sake! I can't reach it.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Can I ask Ian to get it for me?
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Well, if he just hands it to you, yes.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Can you just hand this to me, please, Ian?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Sure.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10- There you go.- Thank you.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Right. Put it where you want to put it.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Right. I'm putting it there.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Oh, good. It's on that shelf now, that's where it is.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Go, carry on with your tea.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Right, good.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Um, what did I come for?
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Um, oh, yeah. There it is, I'll just take that. Good.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33See you.
0:23:39 > 0:23:45If you re-elect me, one of my main priorities will be to make the SPSS
0:23:45 > 0:23:48a practical resource for training,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51for support, for information.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56And now I urge you to use your votes wisely. Thank you.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00APPLAUSE
0:24:03 > 0:24:09OK, good. Well, you've heard his speech. No comment on that.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Um, you know I can get you anything you want,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15but let me show you what I can do, right?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Who remembers Right Said Fred? Yeah? Had a number one.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23"I'm too sexy for that, I'm too sexy for this"?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Car, cat, whatever. Do you remember? Definitely remember.
0:24:26 > 0:24:32Well, please welcome live, here tonight, it's Right Said Fred!
0:24:32 > 0:24:34SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Come on.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40There they are. Hello, lads.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Great!- Hiya.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Here they are. Welcome, you're welcome.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- Good to see you. - How's it going? Busy?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- Yeah, pretty busy, yeah.- Good, good. We're friends, aren't we?
0:24:51 > 0:24:55- Yeah, we've got mutual friends, for sure.- Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Wow! Any questions about this?
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Right Said Fred, yeah?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03No?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Good.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Interesting fact, actually, about Right Said Fred.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15That one's Richard,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18he does all the singing. The other one's Fred.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Were you worried people might get confused at all?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26No, it's never been an issue for us, no.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30So what's, what's going on tonight? You gigging?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33No, we just, we just thought we'd go home, to be honest.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Night off for Right Said Fred.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Are they going to sing?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Are you?- No, you just said, "Pop in, mate." That's what you said.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Great, yeah.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Yeah, see, that's what you get from me, just pop ins from famous people.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56So who knows who's going to show up next week if you vote for me?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Mariah Carey?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Don't be absurd. So I'm Too Sexy was number one in America?
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Yeah. We were the first British band since The Beatles to get to number one with a debut single.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- What?!- Yeah.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Since The Beatles? Wow! Come on, check...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Let's vote now, come on. Votes for Warwick Davis, let's...
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Yes, one.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Any more? Two there.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Come on, does this count for nothing?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24The Beatles!
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- I think there's a lot of abstentions.- We don't know that yet.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36And votes for me now, please.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40OK. Seems pretty conclusive. Shall we call it a night?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Can I have your autograph? - Yeah, sure.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Definitely not. You voted for him. Get his autograph.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55I'm sorry, mate. We'll just shove off, then.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Yeah, whatever.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Where do you stand on condoms?
0:27:10 > 0:27:11We don't approve.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Not a problem for me at the minute. I'm not getting any.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- Will these johnnies fit a dwarf? - Why?
0:27:17 > 0:27:18I've got one here.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Do you know a John?- No.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21You don't know a John?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23- Want to go out with me sometime? - No.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Is it Jack? Is it Joseph?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Do you want to take the card, in case you need a new accountant?- No.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Right. Stuart says you're worried about something.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I'm desperate, lads. Are you not doing any more Extras?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- We've said we're not.- The Office, then?- Definitely not.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- The American Office?- Listen, man.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- Can you write me a film?- What film? - I don't know, you have the idea.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Can we have the idea a bit later? We're snowed under, mate.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51We've got a thousand things to do, and...
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Yeah, all right.- You know what I mean?- Yeah, I understand, right.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Fuck off, Les.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Bye.