0:00:09 > 0:00:11I want to put that on ma heid.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Know what I want to do? I want to put that on ma heid.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Don't ask me why.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Done!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Ha, ha, ha, welcome to Limmy's Show.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38MUSIC: "Oxygene Pt IV" by Jean-Michel Jarre
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You're watching Adventure Call.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49My name is Falconhoof and I will be your guide on your quest.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Greetings, line two. What is your name, traveller?
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Hi, Falconhoof, my name's Ewan!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Greetings, Ewan. Are you ready to begin your quest?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01'Just a moment. Shhh.'
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- EWAN GLUGS - 'Ah!'
0:01:04 > 0:01:08What was that you were drinking? It seems very delicious.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10'It is! It's Barry's Red Cola!'
0:01:10 > 0:01:15Ah! Barry's Red Cola. Sparkling, tasty and refreshing.
0:01:15 > 0:01:20A great companion on any adventure. Are you ready to begin yours?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- 'I am now!'- Very well.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27You awake in a giant's kitchen. You're on a plate.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Nearby is a steel goblet.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You hear thunderous footsteps approaching.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33What would you like to do?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35'Hide in the goblet!'
0:01:35 > 0:01:37You climb over the lip of the goblet
0:01:37 > 0:01:39and dive into a pool of...
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Barry's Red Cola!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44'Oh, really?'
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Yes, really. - 'Man, I love that stuff.'
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Me, too.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52The giant searches the room for you. He glances towards the goblet.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53What would you like to do?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56'Drink Barry's Red Cola!'
0:01:56 > 0:01:59You drink the delicious Barry's Red Cola.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04The goblet is empty.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08You sit at the bottom of the goblet, safely out of view.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Good idea, traveller.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11'I have a confession, Falconhoof.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15'It was luck! I just couldn't help drinking all that Barry's Red Cola!'
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Ha-ha-ha. I hear you!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Unfortunately, the giant also loves Barry's Red Cola
0:02:21 > 0:02:24and begins refilling the goblet from his bottle.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25What would you like to do?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27'Drink Barry's Red Cola!'
0:02:27 > 0:02:31You drink the Barry's Red Cola as it pours over you.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Barry's Red Cola also tastes great straight from the bottle.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39You remain out of view at the bottom of the goblet.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Another great idea, traveller.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44But don't tell me it was luck.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46you just couldn't help drinking all that...
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- BOTH:- Barry's Red Cola!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50'Hey, you can't blame me, huh?'
0:02:51 > 0:02:55No way, man! But the giant keeps pouring faster than you can drink!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57You must act quickly.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59'Let me think about it.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:02HEARTY GLUGGING
0:03:02 > 0:03:04'Ah!'
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Traveller?- 'Yeah?'
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- You're dead! - 'Oh, no! What happened?'
0:03:09 > 0:03:11You drowned in Barry's Red Cola.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13What a glorious way to die.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16'Yeah. I was too busy enjoying the real thing.'
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Ah, yes. What better way to enjoy red cola,
0:03:19 > 0:03:25than the real thing, the REAL red cola, Barry's Red Cola.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27CALLER HANGS UP
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Let's take another call.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35MUSIC: "Boom Boom Boom Boom" by Vengaboys
0:03:35 > 0:03:36# Let's spend the night together
0:03:36 > 0:03:39# From now until forever
0:03:39 > 0:03:41# Boom boom boom boom, I wanna double boom
0:03:41 > 0:03:45# Let's spend the night together, together in my room... #
0:03:51 > 0:03:52What the...?!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Oh, hold on. I put it on for a laugh, but it's good - you should try it!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Oh, how you doing?
0:04:07 > 0:04:11I was thinking of getting one of these.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- I was thinking maybe that one? - HESITANTLY:- Mmm, yeah, yeah...
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Pretty standard, but... But, yeah, why not?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I might not even need that, you know?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I was thinking maybe, even just that?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26That's... That one, It's, it's pretty basic.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Entry level. I mean, what... I wouldn't. Hsss...
0:04:30 > 0:04:32So what about that?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34HE EXHALES SHARPLY
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Serious bit of kit here. This is actually what I've got in the hoose.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43But I'm no' sure if I need all that, though, you know?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44I might be fine with that.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48That's... Basic, entry-level, that. Wouldnae get that.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You're thinking maybe more that?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- HE SQUEAKS:- Hmmm, yeah, it's pretty standard, but...
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Thinking more that one? - (Serious bit of kit.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59(It's a serious... I mean, you're talking...)
0:04:59 > 0:05:01HE EXHALES SHARPLY
0:05:01 > 0:05:02- No' that one.- Hsss.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06That's entry level, basic, I mean, it's up to you.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I think I'll take that one. Thanks.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Miaow!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Here, how annoying is this?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18No' annoying at all, eh? How about if I play this?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20CHEESY REGGAE MUSIC
0:05:20 > 0:05:22And I start doing this...
0:05:27 > 0:05:28And I look like this.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30This is pretty annoying, in't it?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32The hat, the top, the whole thing.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Aye, this is pretty annoying.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36How about if I start doing this?
0:05:39 > 0:05:40And this?
0:05:43 > 0:05:44And occasionally do this?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50And just to top it off, I do this.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53GRATING, NASAL LAUGHTER
0:05:56 > 0:05:57HE LAUGHS AGAIN
0:05:59 > 0:06:02That's pretty annoying, in't it?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04TENSE, DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Drop the gun!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12YOU drop the gun!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Drop the gun!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Slow-ly!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I ain't droppin' shit!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21You want to do this the old way?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Let's do it!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Drop the gun, asshole.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29You drop it, pigshit!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Drop the gun, dicksplash.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You drop it, lamewad.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Drop the gun, douchebin.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42It's douche-BAG, you idiot.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Well, I say douchebin.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Well, I say drop the gun, douchebag.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Drop the gun, you mother-asshole.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53You already said asshole.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57This time I'm saying mother-asshole.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59You prick.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- You're the dick. - I said prick. Not dick.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04But I'm callin' you a dick.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05You wank!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I'll wank you, you dick. Shit!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Sheee-iit!
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- TV:- And if you've been affected by any of the issues raised
0:07:18 > 0:07:21in tonight's programme, call the number at the bottom of your screen.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28'Hello?'
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Hello, is this the number to phone if I've been affected
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- by any of the issues in... - 'Yes, it is.'
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Right, well, I've been affected
0:07:35 > 0:07:37by some of the issues in tonight's programme.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39'Ah, sorry to hear that, sweetheart.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42'OK, thanks for calling.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44'Bye for now!'
0:07:44 > 0:07:46All right. Bye.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48MAN HANGS UP
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Miaow!
0:08:11 > 0:08:12HE EXHALES DRAMATICALLY
0:08:16 > 0:08:19HE HISSES
0:08:23 > 0:08:25HE EXHALES DRAMATICALLY
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Miaow!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Just going to leave that there. All right?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02APPLAUSE
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Hello, my name's Raymond Day, and welcome to Paraside.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Let's see where the spirit takes us.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Could someone understand, please?
0:09:16 > 0:09:21I have here in spirit someone who, at the time of their passing,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25looked very different from how they usually looked,
0:09:25 > 0:09:27and not necessarily for the better.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You, my dear?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I think it might be my son.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33It might be your son. OK.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37And am I right in saying that this change in his appearance
0:09:37 > 0:09:39was caused by...an illness?
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Or an accident? Or...?
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Yeah, an accident. He was killed in a car crash.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46A crash? Oh, God!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50And you saw what had happened when you went to identify him.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Am I right?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Well, I was in the car with him,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57but I had my seat belt on, so I survived but he didn't.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oh, lucky you!
0:10:01 > 0:10:06No, no, you weren't lucky, because you saw your son and he was,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09and he admits this himself, not a pretty picture.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER
0:10:11 > 0:10:13His face was all over the place. Is that right?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Good, because he's telling me now, who's this?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20My husband.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21This is Husband.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24You told Husband you couldn't get that face out of your mind.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Every time you closed your eyes, it was there.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30It's just not how you want to remember your son.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33But he's telling me now,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37"Don't cry, Mum! they've put me back together again.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39"All the king's horses and all the king's men
0:10:39 > 0:10:41"have put me back together again."
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Just like the nursery rhyme you used to sing to him, remember?
0:10:46 > 0:10:50He just wants to come through to tell you that.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51And that's him away.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53APPLAUSE
0:10:54 > 0:10:57But now he's away, I can tell you.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02He's a mess. He's no different. He was trying to cheer you up,
0:11:02 > 0:11:03but I thought you'd want the truth,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05cos you're going to see it eventually.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- And don't worry, I think you'll have plenty of time to get used to it! - LAUGHTER
0:11:11 > 0:11:13That was nice of him. I'll leave his love with you.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22OMINOUS GROWLING
0:11:23 > 0:11:25GROWLING
0:11:25 > 0:11:27LOUD GROWL
0:11:27 > 0:11:28GROWLING
0:11:28 > 0:11:30FEROCIOUS BARKING
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I'm going to say something to you right now
0:11:32 > 0:11:35that I've never said to another living soul in my life.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39GIBBERISH
0:11:41 > 0:11:48CHEESY CABARET-ACT MUSIC
0:12:29 > 0:12:31'I hate my job. I hate my job, I hate it!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33'I hate it, I hate it, I hate my job!'
0:12:33 > 0:12:35BELL SOUNDS
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Now there's a guy that hates his job.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43DOORBELL SOUNDS
0:12:48 > 0:12:49All right?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52All right? This is going to sound strange,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- but I used to stay here when I was younger.- Right.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59And I was wondering, could I come in and have a wee look about?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I don't know about that, mate.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I knew it'd sound strange.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07The thing is, me and my family are moving to New Zealand next week,
0:13:07 > 0:13:08we're never coming back,
0:13:08 > 0:13:12so I've been going about getting one last look at all my old memories
0:13:12 > 0:13:14before I leave. Do you know what I mean?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I just thought I could maybe come back and have a wee look,
0:13:16 > 0:13:18and, I don't know...
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Aye, all right. Come in for a minute.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Oh, amazing mate, thanks a lot!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Oh, it's just how I remember it. This wall used to be Artexed.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31In fact, I think the whole thing used to be Artexed. Remember Artex?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Aye, the Artex. Here, where are you going?
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Sorry, mate, it's just, this used to be my bedroom.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Would you mind?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- No, no, on ye go.- Some man.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Oh, look at this, look at this. It's a lot wee-er than I remember,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50but obviously I was wee myself, know what I mean?
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Aye, it was yellow up to about there,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57cos I started painting it yellow, but ran out of paint.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02- Eh, listen, could you, could you gie's a minute?- Aye, nae bother.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Tae myself? - Naw, I cannae do that, mate.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Listen, do you want to leave now? I'm pretty busy.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10It'll just be a minute mate.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- I've got stuff to get on with. Come on.- No, just a minute!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15What, are you asking or are you telling?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Now get oot! Get oot my fuckin' hoose!
0:14:16 > 0:14:20All right, all right! I'm leaving! 'Sake!
0:14:27 > 0:14:28FLOORBOARD SQUEAKS
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Mate! Mate!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01You looking for this?
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Aw!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Oh, cheers mate!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Aw, chokin', man!
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Couldnae do us another favour, give us 20 to get back to Royston?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Naw?
0:15:25 > 0:15:30CHEESY REGGAE MUSIC ANNOYING LAUGHTER
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Can't get much more annoying than this, eh? How about this?
0:15:35 > 0:15:36SMASHING SOUND
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Oh, sorry mate!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40GRATING LAUGH
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Or this.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43HE BELCHES
0:15:43 > 0:15:45HE LAUGHS
0:15:47 > 0:15:48HE BELCHES
0:15:48 > 0:15:49HE LAUGHS
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Or this?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53HE LAUGHS
0:15:53 > 0:15:55HE BELCHES
0:15:55 > 0:15:57HE LAUGHS
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Ah, sorry, mate!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02HE LAUGHS
0:16:03 > 0:16:05It's about as annoying as it gets.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- You wanted to see me?- Yeah.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'm going to have to let you go.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20What! What for?!
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I can't have you spreading your negativity around the workplace.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24I don't know what you mean!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31'I hate my job. I hate my job.'
0:16:31 > 0:16:35'I hate it, hate it, hate it! Hate my job. I hate my job.'
0:16:35 > 0:16:36How did you get in...?
0:16:36 > 0:16:37BELL SOUNDS
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Who's that? That's...
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Now THERE'S a guy who hates his job.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43HE WITTERS PITIFULLY
0:16:47 > 0:16:50OMINOUS, EERIE MUSIC
0:17:04 > 0:17:06It's...
0:17:08 > 0:17:09DOOR CLOSES
0:17:10 > 0:17:13So you bought yourself a new motor.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15ENGINE REVS
0:17:15 > 0:17:17A yellow motor!
0:17:17 > 0:17:18ENGINE REVS
0:17:18 > 0:17:21What were you thinking?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Can I have a roll and chips, please?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33HE SINGS RAGGA TUNE
0:17:36 > 0:17:38HE JOINS IN
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- What you daein'?- Joining in. - But I don't know you, mate.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- Aye, all right...- I don't know you!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49HE EXHALES
0:18:05 > 0:18:08JAUNTY JAZZ TUNE PLAYS
0:19:12 > 0:19:13HE LAUGHS
0:19:19 > 0:19:21MUSIC FADES
0:19:21 > 0:19:22KISSES BECOME AUDIBLE
0:19:42 > 0:19:44May God forgive me for what I'm about to say,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48but sometimes I wish it was you that was in that water!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Jokin'!
0:19:53 > 0:19:57- STONED DRAWL:- Fuckin'... Minding my own business.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58DOORBELL
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Your neighbour isn't in. Would you mind signing for this?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05What?
0:20:05 > 0:20:06Recorded delivery. For your neighbour.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Just put a note through their door to say you've got it.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Right.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13'Back tae the telly. Homes Under The Hammer, a good yin.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15'Somebody'd bought a barn, wanted to dae it up.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18'I thought, "Dee-Dee, who you fuckin' kidding?"
0:20:18 > 0:20:20'What's in that box?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24'I thought, "Come on, don't start, Homes Under The Hammer, tune in."
0:20:24 > 0:20:27'Wee voice went, "Dee-Dee, sitting there's a box
0:20:27 > 0:20:29'"and you don't know what's in it."
0:20:29 > 0:20:31'I mean, who has a box in their hoose
0:20:31 > 0:20:34'and they don't even know what's in it? Isnae right!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37'I just thought, "Gonnae drap it? Take your mind aff it!"
0:20:37 > 0:20:40'Look, there's Jeremy Kyle - you happy?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43'This Morning, Judge Judy, Loose Women, fuckin'...
0:20:43 > 0:20:46'Cash In The Attic, Bargain Hunt, Flog It!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50'Fuckin'...Murder She Wrote, Midsomer Murders, Heartbeat.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54'Fuckin'...Alan Titchmarsh! We can get through this! Get rid of it.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57'Papped it ootside his door, his problem.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59'Aye, but then I thought,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02'Dee-Dee, "What if it gets knocked, or somebody wrecks it?"
0:21:02 > 0:21:05'Wee glue-sniffer makes his way up here, or a fox.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08'You'll get the blame! But what if he knocks it himself?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11'Makes you buy him a new one, so he ends up wi' two?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15'You better believe you have tae sign for the new wan, as well.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16'Doin' your nut in again.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18'You dumping it again, him bumping it again.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23'Two become four, four become eight, eight become...whatever it is.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27'Started chapping doors to palm it off to somebody else.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29'But naebody would help. Naebody was in.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32'Too busy working, thinking aboot themselves. All bar one.'
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Aye, right!
0:21:34 > 0:21:35'Didn't know what tae dae.'
0:21:35 > 0:21:39'Couldn't have it inside, outside, couldn't let it oot ma sight.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40'Stumped. Trapped.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43'I'd only one option left.'
0:21:48 > 0:21:50TV BLARES FROM NEXT DOOR
0:21:52 > 0:21:54All right?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I'm no' angry.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07I'm disappointed, but I'm not angry. So here's what I'm going to do.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I'm going to turn around, I'm going to shut my eyes,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12and I want whoever took the plate to put it back
0:22:12 > 0:22:15and I'm willing to draw a line under it, right there.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17OK? OK.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Oh, thank God. Thanks for coming over.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33What's this all about? You didn't make any sense on the phone.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- He's goin' about with one of them on his heid.- Ha-ha! What for?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41I don't know. It's no' funny! Gonnae just get him to stop?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Get oot!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I'm sorry Irene. He's right, it's good!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07See you later.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12You'll see him now! Get oot! The two of yous! Oot!
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Irene? I'm....
0:23:28 > 0:23:30CHEESY REGGAE PLAYS
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- SMASHING SOUND - Oh, sorry!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37ANNOYING LAUGH
0:23:37 > 0:23:39This really is as annoying as it gets, eh?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Well, how about this one last thing?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45BELCHING, LAUGHING AND CHEESY REGGAE
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Imagine something like this, eh?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52True story.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03SALESMAN SUCKS HIS TEETH
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Miaow!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08SALESMAN EXHALES DRAMATICALLY
0:24:08 > 0:24:15HE HISSES, MEWS AND EXHALES REPEATEDLY
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Miaow!
0:24:28 > 0:24:33OK. Let's introduce ourselves. I'm Neil.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- My name's Darren.- Hello, I'm Julie.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Ma name's Jacqueline McCafferty. I lost...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40We'll just go through the names first, Jacqueline.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42'I was on that stupid group therapy...'
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- I'm Kerry.- I'm Nadine. - I'm Vince.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48So, Jacqueline, do you want to share?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I lost three year of my life tae hero-ine.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Another five tae a methadone programme meant to get us off it
0:24:54 > 0:24:56but that's me clean now!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I haven't thought once about going back on the smack, until Tuesday.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Washing machine broke. Neighbour says, "You flooded us!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05"Third time this month!" I was like, "It's the second!"
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Third? Second? Third? Second? Stressed oot the eyeballs!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Felt like daein' a charge of kit into my arm there and then!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13So here I am.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I know how you feel.
0:25:15 > 0:25:20I lost four year of my life to heroin, and four on methadone.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23That's me been out of work for about six month now.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- The pressure... - Eight year all-in?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28You lost like, four year on the hero-ine,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- and four year on the methadone? Eight year?- Aye.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Well, same here! I'm five and three, you're nae worse than me!
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I know. We've all had it bad.
0:25:37 > 0:25:43- Aye, so...- So I've been unemployed for six months
0:25:43 > 0:25:46but there's still bills that need to get paid, and the pressure...
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Haud on! You were on the hero-ine for a year more than me
0:25:49 > 0:25:50but methadone a year less?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I think so?
0:25:52 > 0:25:56I lost five on methadone! You only lost four! Methadone's worse!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- Aye, for some!- Methadone's worse!
0:25:58 > 0:26:03We agree, don't we? Methadone's worse than hero-ine, in't it?!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- Well, no' for me!- Oh, no, not for you, not for Princess!
0:26:06 > 0:26:11Well, I thought a lot about heroin over the last couple of months,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14despite having lost everything to it. It's just the pressure.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- Lost everything?- Pretty much.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Lose your daughter to the Social?- My sons?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Well, getting two weans back is better than getting one!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I've no' got them back!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- Methadone's worse!- What?! - This isnae a competition, hen!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Can I get a shot?
0:26:30 > 0:26:35You've lost three year to heroin, right? Another five tae methadone?
0:26:35 > 0:26:42Well, I've lost three to heroin, but I only lost three to methadone.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49SENTIMENTAL MUSIC
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Awright?
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Come here, you, ya bastard!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Want the plate? Want the plate?
0:27:02 > 0:27:06There I'll rub your face in it! Gaun', ya bastard!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- Oh, my God! What happened? - HE SOBS
0:27:32 > 0:27:34TENSE MUSIC
0:28:00 > 0:28:05How about YOU? Hmm?
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Hmmmm?