0:00:02 > 0:00:03Britain, Britain, Britain!
0:00:03 > 0:00:05You're simply the best!
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Better than all the rest!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Better than any other country!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Any other country that I have ever met!
0:00:11 > 0:00:16There's no reason to ever leave... Unless you need to go to the loo!
0:00:16 > 0:00:18And yet they go. Do they go?
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Yes, they do-do go!
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Let us see what happens when we take Little Britain abroad!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Hammer time!
0:00:27 > 0:00:31This programme contains some strong language
0:00:31 > 0:00:38We begin our journey in Britain, where Lou Todd has some rather exciting news for his friend Andy.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Trisha's had her hair done.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Now, Andy. I've got a surprise for you!
0:00:47 > 0:00:51- Yeah, I know.- No, you don't know, it is a surprise.- Yeah, I know.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55You know the nice people from the church on Sundays?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57I don't like them.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00They like you because they organised a bring and buy sale
0:01:00 > 0:01:05especially for you. They raised a lot of money.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09They asked me where would you most like to go to in the whole world.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I said that's an easy one. Disney World.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Can I just have the money?
0:01:13 > 0:01:20So we have to get your bag packed because, Andrew, we are getting on a plane this afternoon.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I'll miss Bargain Hunt.
0:01:22 > 0:01:28Yes, you are going to miss Bargain Hunt but you're going to be in Disney World. Are you excited?
0:01:28 > 0:01:34- Yes.- You are going to go on the monorail, Space Mountain and all the characters are going to be there.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Who are you most excited about meeting?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Gordon the gopher!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Yeah.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46In Paris, Ann is paying a visit to the Louvre.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49At my age, I'm up all night visiting the Louvre.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51You may not know about Ann.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Have you met Ann?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56She's a keen admirer of Renaissance art.
0:01:56 > 0:02:02When I asked her if there was anywhere she wanted to visit, she said, "Eh, eh, eh," meaning here.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04The finest art gallery in the world.
0:02:04 > 0:02:10What you need to do with somebody like Ann in a place like this, is just to let her roam free.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14She's got to have her own relationship with the art.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17ALARM BELLS SOUND
0:02:17 > 0:02:19ANN SHRIEKS
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I'll see you by the Rembrandts!
0:02:24 > 0:02:30Along with France and Germany, Spain is one of Europe's Third World countries.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36In Majorca, Carol Beer is the friendly face of Sun Searchers' holidays.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42- Sun Searchers. Ah, this must be us, dear.- Morning!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Morning.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55HIGH PITCHED SQUEAKING
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Hello, my name is Carol, I'm your rep.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Welcome to Spain.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08If you look to your left, you'll see Spain.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11If you look to your right, you'll see Spain.
0:03:11 > 0:03:17Now, I'm here to make sure your holiday is fun, fun, fun.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Fun.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Any questions or problems, come to me.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Yes, old man?- Sorry, sorry.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31My wife's feeling nauseous.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Is it possible to stop the coach for a moment so she can get some air?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Gonzalez. Puede parar el bus.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Thank you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Thank you. Excuse me.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- Oh! Oh!- OK? All right?
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Gonzales, vamos. OK, yeah.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58It must be something you had on the plane or...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Hey, hey, hey!
0:04:00 > 0:04:05Hey! Hey! It's all right.
0:04:15 > 0:04:21Myfanwy has left Landdewi Brefi to open a new bar here on the Greek island of Mykonos.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I went to Mykonos once, I loathed it.
0:04:24 > 0:04:30Full of gays, me and my boyfriend got the first plane home.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Should be here by now.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Oh, Daffyd, welcome to Mykonos.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Bacardi and coke please, Myfanwy.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47Coming right up. I can't believe it, you've actually left Landdewi Brefi.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I've travelled, I went on a geography field trip
0:04:50 > 0:04:53to Merthyr Tydfil in 1987.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I'm so glad you're here.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Well, in the end, I had to leave Landdewi, it was no place for an out gay man.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- Don't be daft!- I'm sorry, Myfanwy, but the homophobes there were very homophobic.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Like who?- Father Hughes, Sergeant Davis.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11They're bum chums!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Oh, well Mr Teale, the fireman.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16He's always sliding down some pole or other.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Mother never accepted it.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Your mother, she's been lezzing it up with my aunty Ruth for years.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25My own mother?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Yes! She's mad for muff!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- What do you think of my bar? - Bit poofy.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Well, it is a gay bar, Dafydd, and I want this place to be full
0:05:38 > 0:05:43tonight so I need you to get down the beach and give out these flyers.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48I'll be very surprised if you have any customers at all, Myfanwy, everybody knows I am the only gay...
0:05:48 > 0:05:50You can't say that any more, Dafydd.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54You're in Mykonos now, this town is teeming with todger.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Really?!
0:05:56 > 0:06:01Yes, they'll be coming at you from all angles tonight.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04It's going to be a jism jamboree.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Oh, God!
0:06:08 > 0:06:13Aeroplanes were invented in 1972 by Dr Peter Aeroplane.
0:06:13 > 0:06:19He and his wife Suzanne Helicopter invented many of the modes of air travel we enjoy today.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21What are you watching, Andy?
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Something about a plane.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Mr Todd?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Yes, air stewardess. - I've spoken to the captain,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35he said it's fine for you to visit the cockpit.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Thanks for sorting it out for us.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41It's very kind of you. You're very lovely.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- Right, well I'd better go and do... - Sorry, where is the cockpit?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- It's at the front. - Yes, yes, of course.- OK.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51We're getting off at Florida.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I know you are.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Are you going to Florida?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Yes. We're all going to Florida.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I'd better go and do the duty free.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Can I just say you look pretty in all your make-up.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Thank you.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You love her.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Our next stop...Rome.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I DO love Italian cuisine.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Alphabetti spaghetti and a cornetto, bellissimo!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Buona sera, signor.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Not a word!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Well!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37We certainly packed a lot into today, didn't we?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Yes, dear. Did you find my tour of Rome informative?
0:07:41 > 0:07:46Oh, yes, though I would have preferred a little less emphasis on Mussolini.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49He's a very misunderstood figure.
0:07:49 > 0:07:55Yes, he was a fascist dictator, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone, Judy.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Yes.- Well...
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Time for Beddington!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- What are you doing?- I thought we could keep each other company.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08It will be like being back in girls' brigade.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13Oh, well, I'll just go into the bathroom and put my nightdress on.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Don't be silly, Judy, you can get undressed here.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Let me help.- Oh...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26SHE EXHALES
0:08:30 > 0:08:35You have very firm breasts for a lady of your age, Judy.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Thank you, Maggie.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41You can touch mine, if you like.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Ah...
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I think I'm all right, actually.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Kiss me.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Good night, Maggie.- No, Judy.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Properly. Like this.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07What's the matter, Judy, you're stiff as a board.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12Well, Maggie, I am very flattered but...
0:09:12 > 0:09:16it's not really my sort of thing. I... I have no issue with you being lesbian.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Don't be ridiculous...
0:09:18 > 0:09:22I'm chairwoman of the local Conservative association.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24It doesn't mean you're not lesbian.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Piffle, I'm not lesbian.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Now lie down on the bed and get those knickers off.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36If one desires sexual relations with women, one is lesbian.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Really?- Yes.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42You mean that I'm a...hm...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Are you all right, Maggie?
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Get some air! Maggie!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53This way - quick, oh!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Bleurgh!
0:10:01 > 0:10:04HE SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:10:07 > 0:10:09In English, please.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16After a continental breakfast of fizzy fruit, sweaty cheese
0:10:16 > 0:10:19and some other stuff you don't know what it is,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Jerry and Evelyn are off to see their holiday rep.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27- Good morning.- It's not nine o'clock yet. I haven't started work.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Sorry.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Right...
0:10:34 > 0:10:37We thought it might be rather nice to book an excursion.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Most people booked last night.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Well, if you hadn't driven off without us...
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Are any tickets available for the concert in the square tonight?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Computer says no.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56What about the boat trip, any places left on the boat trip?
0:10:58 > 0:11:04There's one place left. Would you be prepared to swim alongside?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- I'm not a very strong swimmer.- No.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What about the monastery?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- There's a lot of steps.- Oh, well....
0:11:12 > 0:11:15You're quite old, I don't want you dropping down dead on me.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Well, that's very thoughtful of you.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Are there any trips still available?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Legoland Windsor.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Is there anyone you could call?
0:11:30 > 0:11:35I could try the Spanish rep, see if she's had any cancellations.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52PHONE RINGS
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- She must be busy.- Si?
0:11:58 > 0:12:03Tuvo alguna cancellation par uno les excursions?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08La computadora dice que no.
0:12:16 > 0:12:22When British people travel abroad, they always behave in an exemplary fashion.
0:12:22 > 0:12:28That is a Briton is awaiting trial in this Thai prison must be a miscarriage of justice.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Oh, no, it's her!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- HE SPEAKS THAI - ..Vicky Pollard.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Vicky! SHE SPEAKS THAI
0:12:39 > 0:12:42HE SPEAKS THAI
0:12:42 > 0:12:47Hello, Vicky. I'm Charles Tate from the British Embassy here.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I came as quickly as I could.
0:12:49 > 0:12:55You hardly need me to tell you that drug-smuggling is a very serious offence and if you're found
0:12:55 > 0:12:58guilty you could spend the rest of your life in prison.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- No way! - Vicky, I'm here to try to help.
0:13:04 > 0:13:10Now, can you please explain to me how you came to have 10 kilos of heroin in your luggage?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14God, this is like being back at school. I've never done nothing!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Let me tell you the whole thing.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21We was up at the skating rink only Kerry never came cos she burnt her foot on Shaznay's straighteners.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26But she wasn't even invited anyway cos she's like well gay cos she's only got three ASBOs
0:13:26 > 0:13:29and one of those was because of going "urgh" at a social worker.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Right, but that doesn't explain how you came to have the drugs in your luggage.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I'm getting there!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38God, I was just about to tell you!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40So rude!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Anyway, this whole other thing happened
0:13:43 > 0:13:46because we was all at the ice rink and they was playing this old song,
0:13:46 > 0:13:51"In-form-ma, you no say daddy me snow me I'll go blame, a licky boom boom down."
0:13:51 > 0:13:53And this bloke was like, "You're well fit."
0:13:53 > 0:13:56I was like, "Shut up." No, I'm not, get a life."
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Then I'm like, "Actually I'm like the fittest girl in Bristol."
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Apart from Denise but then everyone knew she had a backstreet boob job
0:14:04 > 0:14:07and now her tits look like the Mitchell brothers.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12Did this man offer you money to take this suitcase through customs?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15He said go to Thailand and bring this bag back and then
0:14:15 > 0:14:20when I get home he's gonna give me 30 quid and get me in the VIP Room at Slappers and Fish Ponds.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Did he tell you that you're going to be transporting an illegal substance?
0:14:24 > 0:14:28No, but yeah but no, he just told me it was heroin.
0:14:28 > 0:14:35Well... It's not going to be easy but I'm going to do my best to get you out of here.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38You better cos if you don't, you is well gonna get beatings
0:14:38 > 0:14:41cos this place is full of perverts.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43See that one over there with the gammy eye?
0:14:43 > 0:14:48Last night I was in the shower and she spent the whole time totally staring at my chicken satay.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Well, Vicky.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54The trial is scheduled to start on Thursday.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Have you thought yet about how you're going to plead?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- What's the one you say when you done it?- Guilty.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04What's the one you say when you done it but you don't want anyone to know you done it?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Not guilty.- Not guilty.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20In Mykonos, ball-bag botherer Dafydd, is handing out leaflets.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23In your dreams.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Not gay.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28No.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Straight as a dime...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Oh, am I to be the only gay on this island?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39What you got there, dear?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43It's a flyer for a new bar that's opening, it wouldn't interest you.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Let's have a varder?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Oh!
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Myfanwy's Place, looks fab. I'm seeing the boys later, we'll pop down.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- I should warn you this is a gay bar for gays.- I had gathered, dear.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58You would need to be a gay to get in.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I am a gay. I'm as gay as a gay can be gay.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04- I'm a gay, a gay gay.- Really?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Have you ever seen a man naked?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- Yes.- Totally naked, in the nude, no clothes on?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12- Yes.- Not even socks.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- Yes.- Really?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17What was it like?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- Good.- Yes, well, I don't...
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Have you ever touched a man's winkle?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- Yes, of course I have! - What was that like?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- Nice.- Yes, well, I still don't...
0:16:29 > 0:16:32What about a man's bottom, have you stroked one of those?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Yes.- What was that like?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Very nice too.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Oh, so nice.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43What about...actually, I don't think there is anything else.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- That would be about it, wouldn't it? - Oh, you poor thing.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Well, I'll see you later.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49I don't think so!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- What is your problem? - What do you mean?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55I've watched you trolling up and down for the past half hour.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56You haven't given a flyer to anybody.
0:16:56 > 0:17:02I haven't seen anybody I can be sure is gay. But if I do, they will receive a leaflet. Good day!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15And this here, that's our ground speed.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17That is the ground speed?
0:17:17 > 0:17:22- That's the ground speed.- The ground speed, the old ground speed.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Andy, your friend Lou tells me you've always wanted to be a pilot.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Yeah. - Well, you need to work very hard.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33In fact, you need a science degree. Do you have a science degree?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Have I got a science degree?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38No.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39No.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41No.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Well, one thing a pilot has to do is make announcements to the cabin.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Would you like to do that, Andy - Oh, he'd love to.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
0:17:51 > 0:17:56I'd like to hand you over to our new co-pilot who has a message for you.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- Well, ah, thank you so much, Captain.- You're welcome.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- I want to press a button.- No, let's leave the nice captain to it.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- I want to press that red button. - No, that switches the engines off.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25We only press that when the aircraft has landed.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Yeah, I know, I want to press it. - It's been very nice meeting you.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Thanks again, Captain. Come along, now.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- Oh my God!- Sorry.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45SIREN BLARES
0:18:46 > 0:18:52As part of a new Fat Fighters initiative, Marjorie Doors has been set to take a class here in America,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56which is a small, shy, retiring country.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58You don't hear very much about it.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02They like to keep themselves to themselves and not get involved.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05SOUTHERN ACCENT: Hello Fat Fighters!
0:19:06 > 0:19:11Blimey, they told me America was full of fat people. They were not wrong, were they?
0:19:11 > 0:19:16I mean my fatties may be big, but you are something else!
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Look at you! I'll see what I can do.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23OK, so, my name is Marjorie.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Hello, Marjorie.- Oh, we're lively!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29I work at Fat Fighters in Britain.
0:19:29 > 0:19:35Now, the first thing I always do is find out if we've got any new members!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Have we got any new members? - Hey, I'm new.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Blimey, you are big!
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- And you're the sheriff of this town are you?- That's correct, ma'am.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Oh, better watch what I say!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Welcome.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Join me at the front, my sweetness.
0:19:50 > 0:19:55Yes, and we can try and find out just why you are the size of a house.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59OK, what's your name, my love?
0:19:59 > 0:20:05- Judy, ma'am.- And Judy ma'am, why do you think you are so fat?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08It's comfort-eating, I've been through a difficult time.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11I've just got divorced and I'm on my own now.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Have you thought about lesbianism?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- What? - There are a lot of fat lezzers.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- No.- No.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Tell me, my sweetness, how old are you?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- 47.- You look older, OK?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26I do mean that kindly.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31So what advice have we got for a woman who's 47,
0:20:31 > 0:20:35her husband's left her and she's so big she can't wipe her own arse.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- Excuse me?- Yes.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41When I was little, nobody told me I was beautiful.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Obviously.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47Judy, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to keep it in your heart.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Get to the point, it's not Falcon Crest!
0:20:50 > 0:20:55No matter what people say, you are beautiful.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You're not, but...
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Anyone else got any advice for Judy to stop her becoming one of these superfatties?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06The ones you see on the telly, lying naked in a room.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09This is too much.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13It's for your own good. Yes, my Latino friend.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Quit snacking.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- Sorry?- Quit snacking.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Say again.- Quit snacking.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Do it again?- Quit snacking.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24- Do it again?- Quit snacking.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Oh, quit... No, do it again.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28She said, "Quit snacking."
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Oh, that's a good one.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Yes. Tell her thank you!
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Yes, what's your name?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- Phil.- Oh, you took that literally, didn't you?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Yes, so, Phil, what would you like to say to Judy?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44There's a lot of great diet books out there.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I think the best one is Oprah's book.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50It really helped me. I can lend you a copy, if you like.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51No, don't. She'll only eat it!
0:21:51 > 0:21:55That's enough! You're a very rude woman.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- What are you going to do, arrest me? - I've got grounds to.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Racial discrimination of this lady here. Violation of my civil rights.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05One more offensive comment, I'm taking you down to the station.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08All right, Boss Hogg!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10That's it. I'm placing you under arrest.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13You have a right to remain silent.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used in evidence.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:22:34 > 0:22:36You're still fat, though.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42In Mykonos, it's opening night for Myfanwy's bar. Look at those two.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45He's a gay, she's a lezzer, they're both morbidly obese.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Is this entertainment?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I'll have another Bacardi and Coke, please, Myfanwy.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Where is everyone?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55It's nearly midnight.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00You didn't give any flyers out, did you?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02How dare you? Of course I did.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- How many?- Two.- Two.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Yes, one to a five year old girl and one to a very nice nun I met in the village square.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Great. Just the right crowd for a gay bar!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- They might pop in. - Thanks a lot, Dafydd.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17An empty bar on my opening night.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22I'm sorry, Myfanwy, but it looks like I am the only gay on the Greek island of Mykonos.
0:23:40 > 0:23:47It's half past four poofs and a piano, and Carol Beer is on the war path.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I had a call from head office this morning.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01- Yes?- Apparently you've made a complaint about me.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02That's right.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07Saying that I've been rude and unhelpful.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Well, we have been...
0:24:08 > 0:24:10A little disappointed.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15A little disappointed with your attitude so far.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I tried so hard,
0:24:21 > 0:24:27to make sure people have a good holiday, that's all I want.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32And for someone to say I've been rude and unhelpful.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34It's like a dagger through my heart.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38I can never forgive myself.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39I'd rather die.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Look, we certainly didn't mean to upset you like this.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49SHE HOWLS
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- We'll withdraw the complaint.- Good.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Dirty shitters.
0:25:00 > 0:25:06Bubbles De Vere spends the summer months jetting between the capitals of Europe.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09This must be the one.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I'm here, darling!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Today, she has entered Monte Carlo.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I entered Monte Carlo once.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20He was furious!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Oui, madam?- Is Ronnie baby in?
0:25:27 > 0:25:32- And you are?- Mrs De Vere, but call me Bubbles, darling, everybody does.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Was he expecting you?
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Of course. We're old friends. He's invited me to stay for the season.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41If madam could wait here one moment.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Ferrero Rocher.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47He IS doing well!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Do I know you?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Excuse me, I'm just finishing a Ferrero Rocher.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18- I'll just have one more. - What are you doing here?
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Well, don't say you don't remember me, darling.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Oh, he's always been so naughty with his jokey jokies.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29It's me, darling, Bubbles.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31We met at Phil Cool's.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- I've never met him.- Phil Cool.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35You must know Philly Cool?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- No, I don't know him.- That's right.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Leave the little people behind.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Well, what are we waiting for me?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Champagne. Champagne for everyone!
0:26:44 > 0:26:50Ah, I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52But why? Your wife's not here.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56I thought we could have a bit of "How's your father been?"
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- Call the police.- Oui, Monsieur.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Alone at last!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Very clever, darling.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09Ferrero Rocher, a chilled bottle of Appletizer on the drinks trolley.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13You've certainly set the scene for seduction.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16If you leave now,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19I promise I won't press charges.
0:27:20 > 0:27:26Ever since I saw you as Timothy Lumsden on Sorry! I knew I had to have you.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Just bloody leave!
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Lang-waj, Timothy!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Oh, you're so sexy!
0:27:35 > 0:27:40Everything about you is so sexy!
0:27:40 > 0:27:45# You don't even know what you've got!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# Mr Ronnie Cor-bott!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# Oh, yeah, yeah!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# And work it a little bit
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# Get hot just a little
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# And meet in the middle
0:27:58 > 0:28:02# Let go just a little bit more
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Give me just a little bit more! #
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Bit more!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12The police will be here in five minutes.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Could they make it ten?!
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Where's Mickey Mouse?!
0:29:02 > 0:29:05So we conclude our journey abroad.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07I'm not sure I enjoyed abroad.
0:29:07 > 0:29:12I don't think I'll be going there again. Oh, there's another episode.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16Well, I suppose I'll have to then! Till next time. Good bad.