0:00:02 > 0:00:05Britain, Britain, Britain.
0:00:05 > 0:00:09There's an old saying in Britain - "Britain is top banana." Yeah!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11But why is it so great?
0:00:11 > 0:00:16I'll tell you why it. It's because of the people that live in Britain.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20And it is these people what we will be following
0:00:20 > 0:00:23in this award-breaking series.
0:00:29 > 0:00:35Inside 10 Downing Street, the Prime Minister, who is one of the most important people in this country,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38after myself and my friend Colin Gray,
0:00:38 > 0:00:43is going through the morning papers with his aide, Sebastian.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50And what about the broadsheets?
0:00:50 > 0:00:54The Guardian go with, "By-election disaster for Government."
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The Times - "PM under fire."
0:00:57 > 0:01:00The Telegraph - "Black day for PM."
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Are you all right, Sebastian?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I've just got something in my eye, Prime Minister.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12- Independent - "Poll defeat puts PM on the ropes." - HE SOBS
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Do you want a tissue?
0:01:14 > 0:01:20- No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine... - What about the tabloids? What does the Sun say?
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- Oh, no! - SOBBING STARTS AGAIN
0:01:24 > 0:01:29- What?- No, no! I can't show you.- Oh, come on! It can't be all that bad.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35It says you're as dead as a dodo. You're not as dead as a dodo!
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- All right, Sebastian. - But you're not as dead as a dodo.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Come on, you're being very silly.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46INDISTINCT
0:01:50 > 0:01:56- It doesn't matter. Don't get upset about it. I'm not upset.- I want you to be Prime Minister forever.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01Well... Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- Oh, good. - PHONE RINGS
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Hello.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Yeah? OK, thank you. I'll be down. Thank you.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22My car's here, Sebastian.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I have to leave now.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26OK.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Where are we going?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Thank you, Sebastian. That will be all.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49Pubs are very popular in Britain, with over five pubs per person.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56A packet of pork scratchings.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Another packet of pork scratchings.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08A box of matches.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Anything else?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18And four pints of snakebites, please.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20You got any ID?
0:03:20 > 0:03:26No... Yes... Albany said I'd said Samina's got a moustache. She has, but I never said it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:32Paul said I showed him my tit on the school trip to Wookey Hole, but I just showed him my wookey hole!
0:03:32 > 0:03:38- If you ain't got ID, I'm not serving you.- Ask Kevin Flanagan's brother. He reckons I look at least 15.
0:03:38 > 0:03:44My best friend goes to school with Gary Soper's sister and Gary is the hardest person in Cotham!
0:03:44 > 0:03:50- He went to the canal, found a tyre and threw it at a swan...- Get out!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54No. I have got ID, but I burned it because I didn't even need it!
0:03:54 > 0:03:59- You dropped your ID card, Vicky.- I just remember I never burned it...
0:03:59 > 0:04:06This is so unfair! Hayley Chapman went down the Firkin with make-up on and got four Pernod and blacks!
0:04:06 > 0:04:12- God, she's so lucky! She's got a council flat, three kids and she's only nine!- I'm not serving you.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Don't matter, anyway, cos we've got one of these.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Come on, let's go. This place is rubbish.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29As a special treat, Lou has taken his friend Andy to the seaside.
0:04:29 > 0:04:35- Right, can I have, please, a whippy with a Flake? ..Have you decided what you're having?- Yeah.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- What do you want?- Just a cone.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40..Another whippy, plain, please.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- No, just a cone! - ..What, just the cone on its own?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- No whippy?- Yeah.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- It's going to be very dry.- I know.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53Tell you what. Why don't you have just a little ice cream in it?
0:04:53 > 0:04:59- You said ice cream was the perfect complement to a hot summer's day. - Yeah, I know.- So what's it to be?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Cone.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05..And then just a cone on it's own. Thank you.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I want a whippy!
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Over at Kelsey Grammar School...
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Right! You may have noticed we have a new boy here today.
0:05:46 > 0:05:52One or two of you will know him already. He's been put down from the fourth year, and his name is Thorpe.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Say hello, Thorpe.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58All right!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02If you need an operation in Britain,
0:06:02 > 0:06:08you can either perform it yourself in your home, or you can check into a hospital.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12At St Mohammed's in Shriek,
0:06:12 > 0:06:16stage hypnotist Kenny Craig has gone to see his mother.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21That puts me on 84.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Your go.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Want some help, love?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32No, thank you, Mother.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- What's that?- Cupboardy.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- That's not a word.- Yes, it is. It means, um, cupboard-like.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48- Well, I've never heard of that. Pass me the dictionary.- Mother.- Yes?
0:06:48 > 0:06:54Look into my eyes. The eyes. Look into the eyes. You're under.
0:06:54 > 0:07:00In a moment, you will believe that "cupboardy" is in the dictionary, and not a silly word I made up.
0:07:00 > 0:07:05- Three, two, one. You're back in the room.- Oh...cupboardy!
0:07:05 > 0:07:08As in cupboard-like?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Well done.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15That puts you on 106.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Yeah, 106.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Hello, Mrs Craig. Is this your toy boy?
0:07:21 > 0:07:25LAUGHTER No! This is my son Kenny.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Oh, yes, of course! The famous hypnotist.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- So, who's winning? - I am. I'm winning.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37- He just put down cupboardy. - Cupboardy?! There's no such word.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43Look into my eyes. The eyes, the eyes. Look into my eyes.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You're under. Cupboardy IS in the dictionary. Three, two, one...
0:07:46 > 0:07:52You did the toy boy gag last week and it didn't work. I'd drop it. Three, two, one...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54You're back in the room.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59You're right, Mrs Craig. He can't really do it!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Oh, thanks(!)
0:08:06 > 0:08:09DOORBELL RINGS
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- I don't want to buy any dusters. - No, we just need a room.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- We're full. - It says "vacancies". - No, we're full.
0:08:19 > 0:08:26- Are there any other guesthouses you can recommend? - Not in this town, no. Good day.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Let's just go home. Yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42Just as one group is finishing at this community centre, another begins.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Inside, the weekly Fat Fighters meeting has just begun.
0:08:46 > 0:08:52Fortunately, I have never suffered from obesity myself, although I do have one very fat hand.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Crisps.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58High in fat? Low in fat? Anyone? Crisps...
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Paul.- High in fat?
0:09:01 > 0:09:06High in fat, but low in protein and low in fibre!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09So it's not all bad news.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12OK. Another one.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Lettuce. Lettuce...
0:09:14 > 0:09:19High in fat, low in fat? What do we think? Lettuce. Moira?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- Low in fat.- Sorry?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Low in fat.- Say it again.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Low in fat.- Well, I can't...
0:09:27 > 0:09:30She said, "Low in fat!"
0:09:30 > 0:09:32All right, don't patronise her!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- IN LOUD VOICE: - ..Low in fat. Well done!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39OK, we've got time for just one more.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Dust.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Anybody? No?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46High in fat? Low in fat? Dust. Anybody?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48No? Dust.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Anybody? No?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Dust. Anybody? No? Dust.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Anybody? No?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Dust. Anybody? No? Dust.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04It's very low in fat, so you can have as much dust as you like.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09OK, moving on. Today is a very special day at Fat Fighters
0:10:09 > 0:10:12because we have a new member.
0:10:12 > 0:10:19She's a new member. Her name is Barbara and, would you believe, we are related.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Is she your daughter?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24No, she's my sister.
0:10:24 > 0:10:31- ..Nice to see you here.- Thank you. - There are normally more people, but Hank Marvin's playing the Pavilion.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- Oh!- Stay where you are. ..So, a big hello to Barbara!
0:10:36 > 0:10:41- ALL: Hello.- She can't speak English and he's married, so you're out of luck there -
0:10:41 > 0:10:47not that that stops you! When we were growing up, Barbara used to tease me. ..Didn't you?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- Do you remember what you said?- No.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55You'd say I was a greedy guts. Well, the shoe is now on the other sock.
0:10:55 > 0:11:01I may be a few pounds overweight, but you are something else!
0:11:01 > 0:11:07She's had two kids, each by different men, but that's not for here. And she's piled it on!
0:11:07 > 0:11:12- Well, I want to lose about a stone. - A stone?! More like five.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Anyway, what's important is we're here to help.
0:11:16 > 0:11:22What advice can we give Barbara to turn her tragic life around? Paul.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Cut out biscuits.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Cut out biscuits. Good.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Anyone else? Mary.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Instead of sugar, use artificial sweetener in tea.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38Something about sugar... But the most useful advice we can give is to look at the person inside
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- because you're incredibly unhappy. - No, I'm not.- You deserve to be.
0:11:43 > 0:11:50Mum doesn't speak to you any more. She thinks the world would be a better place without you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52I spoke to Mum yesterday.
0:11:52 > 0:11:58Barbara, we would be grateful if you could leave family matters for outside. Thanks.
0:11:58 > 0:12:03OK. The weigh-in. Let's start with, um, Barbara.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08Will you be all right to get up or will you need sticks?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Right! One or two of you may have noticed we have a new boy today.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16His name is Uppingham, and he comes to us from the 17th century.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Say hello, Uppingham.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Hello.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37What time do Sainsbury's shut tonight?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Eight?
0:12:39 > 0:12:40(Shit.)
0:12:40 > 0:12:43On a Thursday?
0:12:46 > 0:12:53It's early evening at the Scarecrow And Mrs King pub in the Welsh mining village of Llandewi Breffi.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- Another Bacardi and Coke, please, Myfanwy.- Coming right up.
0:13:04 > 0:13:10I wish there was more for gay people to do here. It's lonely being the only gay in the village!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13What you on about?
0:13:13 > 0:13:18There's loads to do. You've just got to look in the local paper. Now...
0:13:18 > 0:13:25"Lesbians... Bisexuals... Transgender..." Oh, here we are! "Gay section."
0:13:25 > 0:13:32There you go! There's a gay night on Thursdays at the BJ And The Bear pub in Aberfanwy.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37- No, I couldn't possibly get over to Aberfanwy.- It's only half a mile!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39No, the stone path is treacherous.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46- But the number 4 goes to Aberfanwy. - Oh, no! I couldn't possibly get on a bus. I'm gay, you see.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51"Gay mens' choir...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54"Gay rambling society...
0:13:54 > 0:13:57"Gay book club. Gay sex club...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01"..Gay nation of Islam..."
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- There's not much going on, is there?- Oh! "Gay Trekkies!"
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Now that is right up your street. You love Star Trek, don't you?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Well, I don't like Deep Space Nine.
0:14:14 > 0:14:20- Look the Gay Trekkies have a meeting on Mondays at eight.- I've missed it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25- Right here.- Let me see that! - That must be them over there.
0:14:26 > 0:14:33- They don't look like Star Trek fans to me.- Course they are! - Well, they can't be gay!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I tell you, dear, he was hung like a Klingon!
0:14:36 > 0:14:44- Talk to them.- Oh, no! I couldn't possibly walk over there. These hot pants give me terrible chaffing!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Daffyd.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53SQUEAKING
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Greetings.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- I've been speaking to the barmaid. - Yes...
0:15:00 > 0:15:07She says would you mind drinking up and leaving? Only they don't want your sort round 'ere.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- I did try... - SQUEAKING
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Oh, have you got any Savlon?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I'm red raw down 'ere.
0:15:18 > 0:15:24With nothing on the telly but repeats of Dr Who, Medics and that episode of Blackadder II I'm in,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Lou and his friend Andy choose a video tape.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Have you seen anything you might like yet?- Yeah, I want that one.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- You want that one?- Yeah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But that is Pride And Prejudice.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42- Yeah, I know.- I'm not sure you'll like that one.- I want that one.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47It's all set in the olden days. No, I'm not sure you'll like that.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51- You like your Chuck Norrises and your Steven Seagals.- Yeah, I know.
0:15:51 > 0:15:57Just to be on the safe side, why don't we get a film with guns as well, in case you don't like this?
0:15:57 > 0:16:02- I want that one.- You know I am going to go and see Maria tonight.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- So I can't get another one if you don't like it.- Yeah, I know.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- Are you sure you want this one? - Yep.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I don't like it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I'm sorry, but you're stuck with it.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22I told you, I've got to go and see Maria. I'll be back around six.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Yeah, monster trucks!
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Monster trucks! Monster trucks...
0:16:52 > 0:16:59Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside... Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside...
0:16:59 > 0:17:01as the famous song goes.
0:17:01 > 0:17:07At his guesthouse in Old Haven, not-very-good-transvestite Emily Howard
0:17:07 > 0:17:09is showing a gentleman round.
0:17:09 > 0:17:16- I don't normally allow single gentlemen to take rooms.- No?- No, a lady ought not open a house to men.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- What lady?- Me. I am a lady.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Are you?- Yes.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Jesus! This'll be your room.
0:17:23 > 0:17:30It was going to be a nursery. Being a lady, which I am, I was rather hoping to have children one day.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- Really?- Yes!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34But it wasn't to be.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37I'm fine, I'm fine.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41This is my room.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45It has my ladies' things in it - hand lotions, my petticoats...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- You must not come in here.- Sorry...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Come in.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Oh, I don't know what they're doing there!
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Now, you must know there is no lock at the door.
0:17:58 > 0:18:04- A man like you could burst in at any time and see me in the altogether.- Oh, we don't want that.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Yes, we do...
0:18:07 > 0:18:11So, um, how much did you say it was?
0:18:11 > 0:18:18Well, it's a guinea for the night, but you must remember this is a lady's house and there are rules.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- Oh, yes?- Yes!
0:18:20 > 0:18:26No tobacco smoke, no coarse language and I lock the door at 8pm sharp.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31- That might be a problem. I'm working late tonight.- Oh, what do you do?
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- It might interest you, actually. I'm a female impersonator.- What?!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Yes. I'm appearing at Bachelors.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Miss Terri Lene.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- Get out! Get out!- What?!
0:18:43 > 0:18:48- It's disgusting. Vamoose! Get out of my house. Go! Go! - Don't worry, pal, I'm off.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Just out of interest, who does your dresses?
0:18:58 > 0:19:05Tower blocks were introduced to Britain in the 1960s and were an instant success.
0:19:05 > 0:19:11People loved the sense of social alienation, entrapment and the stench of urine in the lifts.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Here on the seventh floor, theatrical leg-end Bernard Chumley
0:19:18 > 0:19:22is preparing for a visit from an aspiring young actor.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Ah, you must be Joe.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Yes.- Yes, do come in, young Joe.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Through there.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40It's the room at the end, young Joe.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Please, um, do take a seat.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52That one's a bit wet.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Tea?- Thank you.
0:19:59 > 0:20:05I read your letter with great interest. Have you written to lots of other important actors?
0:20:05 > 0:20:11Yes, but nobody else has actually invited me round to their...
0:20:11 > 0:20:13home.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Well, it was such a charming letter...
0:20:18 > 0:20:20..and the photograph.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23And so...
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Tea?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Thank you.
0:20:28 > 0:20:35It was so exciting to get a place at RADA, but the fees are just astronomical. It's £6,000 a year!
0:20:35 > 0:20:39- Do help yourself to a potato crisp. - Thank you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43So who else did you write to?
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- Well, Sir Derek Jacobi wrote a nice letter.- Terrible stutter.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52- And Sir Anthony Hopkins. - Oh, he's a sir, now, is he?- Yes.
0:20:52 > 0:20:59- He gave me £200.- Bastard! He didn't send me a penny. I imagine you've always wanted to be an actor?
0:20:59 > 0:21:06- Yes. I've spent every penny on... - Polo mint?- No. I spent every penny I had on going to the theatre.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11I imagine you've seen muggings here quite a few times over the years?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- No.- Oh!
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Your sister Kitty, I've heard of.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18She had an accident?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Yes. Terrible.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Lost the use of her legs.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27I can look back on it now and laugh, but at the time it was very...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Boiled egg?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Oh...no. Thank you.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35BANGING >
0:21:38 > 0:21:43Don't worry, Kitty. It's just the gas man!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- Maybe she needs to go to the toilet?- Oh, no. She went yesterday.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- Got a girlfriend yet?- No, I haven't.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Bet you have! I bet all the girls are after you.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Yes... I'd better be off in a mo'.
0:22:00 > 0:22:07- I'm having tea with Sir Ian McKellen at the Savoy.- Oh, I see. A Sugar Puff?- No...thank you.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- I didn't push her.- What?- She fell.
0:22:10 > 0:22:16Yes... Actually this is rather embarrassing, but do you think you could help me with my tuition fees?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Yes. Yes, of course.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27There you are.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Thank you.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Have you got change?
0:22:32 > 0:22:40During the summer months, literally tens of people flock to Scotland for their holidays.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45Oh, we're easy to find! When you see the hanging tree, take a left.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49When you come to the old well, take a right.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53If you pass a scarecrow, you've come too far.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57That's right. Opposite IKEA...
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Ah, Squire Mackenzie! I trust you enjoyed your stay.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10Yes, I shall be submitting a very positive review to the Chronicle.
0:23:10 > 0:23:16Just one thing... The three courses for £15 set menu - is that available on a Sunday?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20If you were to ask me on a Monday, I'd say yes.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25If you were to ask me on a Tuesday, I'd say...yes.
0:23:25 > 0:23:32- If you were to ask...- For heaven's sake! It's a simple question. Do you serve the set menu on a Sunday?
0:23:32 > 0:23:37If you'd asked me on a Monday, I'd say yes.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40If you'd asked me on a Tuesday, I'd say...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45..yes.
0:23:45 > 0:23:51- If you were to ask me on a Wednesday, I'd say...- Oven chips? - ..Aye, just through there.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Now where was I? Oh, yes.
0:23:56 > 0:24:03- If you were to ask...- For goodness' sake! It's a simple question. Do you serve the set menu on a Sunday?
0:24:03 > 0:24:09I'll tell you, but through the medium of Pan. ..Children!
0:24:12 > 0:24:16HE PLAYS "Scotland The Brave"
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Does that answer your question?
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Right! You may have noticed we have a new boy here today.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35His name is Charlie and I don't want you to treat him any differently.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Say hello to everybody, Charlie.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41BOYS: Hello, Charlie. Woof!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Yes, he's a dog.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49This is the residence of Dame Sally Markham, the famous novelist.
0:24:49 > 0:24:56I'd a house like this until I lost it. If you find it, please post it to me, care of the BBC. Thank you.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Young Toby was having a ripping time on his toboggan.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05"Yippee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
0:25:05 > 0:25:08"ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
0:25:08 > 0:25:11"ee-ee-ee-ee..." How many pages?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Um, 34.- Oh...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Clarissa was similarly overjoyed.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20"Yahoo-oo-oo-oo-
0:25:20 > 0:25:24"oo-oo-oo...oo-oo-oo-oo..."
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Oh... "Oh, dear," she said, "I've hurt myself.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32"Aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-
0:25:32 > 0:25:35"aa-ah..." Oh, publish!
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Today, former Olympic athlete Denver Mills
0:25:38 > 0:25:42has been booked to promote the launch of Hug A Leper Week.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48- Thanks for helping us out at such short notice, Steve. - Denver.- Denver. Sorry.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Is Geoff Capes all right? - The Capester? He'll be fine, yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57He's had to have his dog put down and he's a bit upset about that.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00He's only doing the bigger money jobs this week.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05- You, um, got your speech? - Got it right here, boss.
0:26:05 > 0:26:11- What Hug A Leper Week is all about is dispelling popular myths about leprosy.- About bloody time!
0:26:11 > 0:26:17- People still think that lepers are banished to colonies. - They're not, are they?- No.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24And some people think that lepers limbs just fall off.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29No, I mean, that's just... That's just wrong.
0:26:31 > 0:26:37And for too long now, people who suffer from leprosy have been the butt of jokes. That's got to stop!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Yeah.
0:26:45 > 0:26:50- You want to go through your speech at all?- No, I'll be fine.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- Fruit pastille?- Thanks.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00You couldn't get me one, could you?
0:27:01 > 0:27:09- I missed these, out in Ghana.- Oh, yeah? What were you doing in Ghana? - I was working as a missionary.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13That's when I actually caught leprosy.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Hopefully, mine has been cured now.
0:27:15 > 0:27:22- Has it?- Yeah. But today you'll get the chance to meet lots of people in various stages of the disease.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Oh, no. I pressed reset instead of start. We'll have to do it again.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I'll just get some more eggs.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56And so we conclude our journey round Britain.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I hope you've enjoyed the shoe.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02I'm sorry to say I won't be here next week
0:28:02 > 0:28:07as I'm going into hospital to have a hysterectomy. Good bite!