Episode 7

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0:00:02 > 0:00:05Britain, Britain, land of diversity.

0:00:05 > 0:00:08There are hardback books and paperback books.

0:00:08 > 0:00:14Socks come in different lengths and eggs is cooked in many ways.

0:00:14 > 0:00:17But how diverse are the people of Britain?

0:00:17 > 0:00:22We aim to find out by following the lives of ordinary British persons.

0:00:22 > 0:00:25Oh, my sweet li'l hallelujah!

0:00:29 > 0:00:33In her bedsit on this estate in Darkly Noone,

0:00:33 > 0:00:37young mother Vicky Pollard meets her social worker.

0:00:37 > 0:00:39So, how are you coping, Vicky?

0:00:39 > 0:00:44No, cos the other day we was all laughing cos Nicola said she was gonna set fire to Candice's hair.

0:00:44 > 0:00:48But then Ryan Morris and I started getting off together and he phlegmed in my mouth

0:00:48 > 0:00:51and I was like, "Oh, my God! I SO can't believe we just done that!"

0:00:51 > 0:00:55Then Amanda Kaye told Ian Buchan she'd do it for a Creme Egg.

0:00:55 > 0:01:00- So you're fine, good. And how's the baby?- Fine.

0:01:00 > 0:01:04- Can I see her?- It's not her, it's "it".- Well, can I see "it"?

0:01:04 > 0:01:08No, but yeah, but no, because we was all going to go down the offy,

0:01:08 > 0:01:15but they wouldn't serve us cos Emma only looks nine. So then we was going to go down Wimpy instead,

0:01:15 > 0:01:19and Vanessa told Tony that I fancy David Wu,

0:01:19 > 0:01:24- but everyone knows David Wu's got scabby legs.- And the baby?

0:01:24 > 0:01:29I'm getting there! Carmella's mum was going away so Carmella said she'd have a party,

0:01:29 > 0:01:33then her mum found out and said she couldn't, but we said she had to so she did, but I wasn't invited.

0:01:33 > 0:01:39Me and Jools went round Michaela's, but she was at the party getting fingered by Jamie Stone.

0:01:39 > 0:01:43Vicky, where is the baby?

0:01:43 > 0:01:45Swapped it for a Westlife CD.

0:01:45 > 0:01:48How could you do such a thing?

0:01:48 > 0:01:51I know. They're rubbish.

0:01:53 > 0:01:56Don't go giving me evils!

0:01:56 > 0:02:00Toys in Britain are sold in toy shops.

0:02:00 > 0:02:04This isn't a toy shop. It's a real shop.

0:02:14 > 0:02:18Hello. Are you looking for anything in particular?

0:02:18 > 0:02:24Yes, I was wondering whether you had any pirate memory games suitable for children of between 4 and 8.

0:02:24 > 0:02:27Er, I'll just have a look.

0:02:29 > 0:02:31I can't see any here. One moment.

0:02:31 > 0:02:35Margaret? Margaret?!

0:02:42 > 0:02:47- Yes?- There's a gentleman here wants to know if we've got any pirate memory games.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Ages 4 to...- Ages 4 to 8.

0:02:49 > 0:02:53We should have some over by the farm toys.

0:02:56 > 0:02:58Oh, yes. Here we are.

0:02:58 > 0:03:02Pieces Of Eight, a pirate memory game, ages 4 to 8.

0:03:02 > 0:03:06- Can I have a look?- There you go.

0:03:06 > 0:03:09"Match the pirates and find the treasure."

0:03:09 > 0:03:11That all right for you?

0:03:15 > 0:03:19Have you got any other pirate memory games?

0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Um... - It's not quite what I had in mind.

0:03:25 > 0:03:30I can't see any here. One moment. Margaret?

0:03:30 > 0:03:32- Margaret?!- What?

0:03:32 > 0:03:39- Have we got any other pirate memory games?- What?- Have we got any other pirate memory games?- No.- No.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43- I think that's the only one they do. - She thinks that's the only one they do.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46- What's wrong with it? - What's wrong with it? - I wanted something less piratey.

0:03:46 > 0:03:53- He wanted something a little less piratey!- Oh, right. Has he tried Simmons?- Have you tried Simmons?

0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Yes, I've just been there. - Oh, I don't know what to suggest.

0:03:56 > 0:04:02- Is there a shop near here that specialises in pirate memory games? - Er, I'm not sure.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05Margaret will know. One moment.

0:04:05 > 0:04:11- Margaret? Margaret?! Is there a shop that specialises in pirate memory games?- Near here.

0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Near here.- I don't think there are any in the local area, no.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18She says she doesn't think there are any in the local area, no.

0:04:18 > 0:04:21OK, I'll, er...

0:04:21 > 0:04:23I'll just wait.

0:04:31 > 0:04:35Meanwhile, the fatties arrive for their weekly meeting.

0:04:35 > 0:04:39Paul, can I just have a quick word, please?

0:04:39 > 0:04:44Paul, what happened last night was just a one-off. OK?

0:04:44 > 0:04:46Yeah, I was gonna say something.

0:04:46 > 0:04:51- I don't know what came over me. - I had a bit too much to drink. - It's not gonna happen again.

0:04:51 > 0:04:57OK? So let's just try and forget about it and not let it come into the meeting.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05OK. Welcome to FatFighters.

0:05:05 > 0:05:12Today we're going to be talking about motivation. You all need a little bit more motivation.

0:05:12 > 0:05:16So we're gonna start with a little exercise.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20Now, I want everybody to close their eyes. Close your eyes. Yeah.

0:05:20 > 0:05:25Empty your thoughts, that's it, yeah. And picture yourself naked.

0:05:25 > 0:05:27Not nice, is it?!

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Eh?

0:05:29 > 0:05:35Who the hell would want a lump like that huffing and puffing on top of them all night? Eyes closed, Paul.

0:05:39 > 0:05:44In Herby, Lou Todd has offered to paint his friend Andy's bedroom.

0:05:44 > 0:05:48- Now, are you sure you want red? - Yeah.

0:05:48 > 0:05:53- Cos I've got a very nice blue here, you like blue.- Yeah, I know.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56- But you'd rather have red? - Red, yeah.

0:05:56 > 0:06:02You asked for red last time, and then you said you didn't like it. You said it was oppressive.

0:06:02 > 0:06:07- You said it was the colour of blood and henceforth death.- Yeah, I know.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09- So what's it to be?- Red.

0:06:09 > 0:06:14Yeah, but I'm not painting it once and then having to do it again

0:06:14 > 0:06:18- because you say you don't like it. That's a right kerfuffle.- I know.

0:06:18 > 0:06:23- So final choice...red?- Red. Yeah.

0:06:29 > 0:06:32Do you...

0:06:32 > 0:06:36- Do you want to do the last little bit?- Yeah.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38OK.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41Here we go.

0:06:45 > 0:06:47There, it's finished.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55I don't like red.

0:07:05 > 0:07:13For 20 years now, Len Boothe has been taking visitors on his tour of the charming village of Pove.

0:07:13 > 0:07:19OK, ladies and gents. First up on your right is St Robin's church.

0:07:19 > 0:07:25The church was built in 1508, although there was actually a fire here in 1812,

0:07:25 > 0:07:28and the wooden roof was destroyed.

0:07:28 > 0:07:32I will always have fond memories of that church,

0:07:32 > 0:07:36because it was on that bench that me and my wife Eileen first kissed.

0:07:36 > 0:07:40And we've been married 32 year this year.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43Thank you very much.

0:07:43 > 0:07:49Now, next up is The Hanging Judge, which is actually the oldest pub in Pove.

0:07:49 > 0:07:53Dates back to, we think, 1604.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57Why it's called The Hanging Judge, no-one seems to know.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00Incidentally, just in the beer garden by the swings

0:08:00 > 0:08:05is where Eileen first permitted me to have a little go on her breasts.

0:08:06 > 0:08:11OK. We're coming up now to the Old Bridge,

0:08:11 > 0:08:14which actually goes back to Roman times.

0:08:14 > 0:08:21And it was underneath this bridge that my wife first performed an act of oral love upon me.

0:08:21 > 0:08:23Happy days. Yeah.

0:08:23 > 0:08:26Sorry, it's a no-smoking vehicle.

0:08:26 > 0:08:33OK. Now we are coming up to one of the oldest blacksmiths in the country.

0:08:33 > 0:08:40Legend has it that Charles I stopped off there to get his horse's shoes changed.

0:08:40 > 0:08:46And it was just down that path there that I first took Eileen up the wrong 'un.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48Moving on...

0:08:48 > 0:08:53Meanwhile, at this pub in Llandewi Breffi,

0:08:53 > 0:08:57the glasses are being collected early because it's a special night.

0:09:01 > 0:09:05Oh, Myfanwy, these crisps are cheese and onion!

0:09:05 > 0:09:09Oh. Do gay people not like cheese and onion?

0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Well,- I- don't and I am a gay.

0:09:11 > 0:09:15- I'll open the barbecue beef. - If you wouldn't mind.

0:09:15 > 0:09:21- I think you'll get a big crowd in tonight.- I'd be very surprised if anybody turned up at all Myfanwy.

0:09:21 > 0:09:24Everybody knows I am the only gay in this village.

0:09:24 > 0:09:30- So you keep saying.- It's five to eight, there's no-one here, I might as well go home.- But it's early.

0:09:30 > 0:09:37- It says eight o'clock on the posters.- Don't know why I bothered with this gay night, it was doomed.

0:09:37 > 0:09:42Well, Myfanwy, I imagine I'll always be the only gay in the village. Good night to you.

0:09:46 > 0:09:50Get back! Get back! Get back, you gay bastards!

0:09:52 > 0:09:58- There's hundreds of 'em! What am I going to do?!- Well, let them in!

0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Get rid of them! - I'll do no such thing.

0:10:01 > 0:10:05- You made your gay bed, now lie in it.- Myfanwy!

0:10:05 > 0:10:07Daffyd.

0:10:09 > 0:10:13- THEY CLAMOUR - Quiet!

0:10:13 > 0:10:15Liza Minnelli!

0:10:15 > 0:10:22Thank you. Now, er, I'm very sorry, gays, but I'm afraid gay night has been cancelled.

0:10:22 > 0:10:25ALL: Oh, no!

0:10:25 > 0:10:32I've just had a letter from the council saying that only one gay is allowed in Llandewi Breffi - me.

0:10:32 > 0:10:36So, all return to your neighbouring villages, please.

0:10:39 > 0:10:46- Oh, Daffyd, you bloody fool!- What? - Well, think of all the cock and bum fun you could have had!

0:10:46 > 0:10:50That's the last time I close my pub for one of your gay nights!

0:10:50 > 0:10:54Something against gay people, have you?

0:10:54 > 0:10:59Samantha Grant recently upset her parents by marrying her former teacher.

0:10:59 > 0:11:05- To clear the air, she has invited them round for dinner. - What time are your parents coming?

0:11:05 > 0:11:09- Any minute and I can't find the napkin rings.- Calm down.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11I just want everything to be right.

0:11:11 > 0:11:17Look, I may have been your teacher, but we're just like any other couple.

0:11:17 > 0:11:22- BELL RINGS - The bell's a signal for me not you.

0:11:22 > 0:11:24I'll just put the veg on.

0:11:24 > 0:11:29- Ah, Mr and Mrs Hughes, please come in. Come in.- Ah, thank you.

0:11:29 > 0:11:31Please sit down.

0:11:31 > 0:11:39Right, Samantha, Samantha, Samantha. Samantha, Samantha...

0:11:39 > 0:11:43Samantha Carver. Ah, yes - Samantha Grant.

0:11:43 > 0:11:44Yes.

0:11:44 > 0:11:50Overall, it's been a good three months of marriage for Samantha. She's a very clever girl.

0:11:50 > 0:11:54She's got a lot to say for herself, sometimes a little too much.

0:11:54 > 0:11:59- And her work can sometimes be a little slapdash.- What do you mean?

0:11:59 > 0:12:02Well, take this for example. I mean, she's dusted it,

0:12:02 > 0:12:05obviously at the last minute, and she's missed around the edges,

0:12:05 > 0:12:07so I gave her six out of ten.

0:12:07 > 0:12:12Er, could you bring in the wine now please, Samantha?

0:12:12 > 0:12:17- Walk, don't run! - Sorry, still cooking.

0:12:17 > 0:12:21Smells lovely, dear. Oh, we've missed you, pet.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Hello, Dad. Hello, stranger.

0:12:23 > 0:12:27How might one order a bottle of wine in France? Samantha?

0:12:27 > 0:12:31Oh, une boutteille de vin, s'il vous plait.

0:12:31 > 0:12:34Ah, c'est formidable.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Samantha's very good at oral.

0:12:38 > 0:12:43Meanwhile, it is a sad day at Sandi Toksvig House.

0:12:51 > 0:12:53We're very sorry for your loss.

0:12:53 > 0:12:55Thank you.

0:12:55 > 0:12:57Do come in.

0:13:02 > 0:13:05She's just through there.

0:13:10 > 0:13:15- It sounds awful to say, but in a way it's a relief.- Yes.

0:13:15 > 0:13:20She'd been very ill for many years and we'd had so many scares.

0:13:20 > 0:13:22So, in the end, it was just very peaceful.

0:13:22 > 0:13:24Mr Garfield. Yes?

0:13:24 > 0:13:26Can you come in here?

0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Excuse me.- Of course.

0:13:33 > 0:13:37Come on, Bernard, Kitty wouldn't want you to cry.

0:13:39 > 0:13:41Mr Chumley?

0:13:41 > 0:13:42Yes?

0:13:43 > 0:13:45She's not dead.

0:13:45 > 0:13:50No, I know. Any chance you could take her anyway?

0:14:01 > 0:14:04- BANGING - Yes. All right, Kitty!

0:14:04 > 0:14:09Over ten board games are sold every day in Britain.

0:14:09 > 0:14:14The most popular are Ask Alan, Frobisher's Fingers and Pigdog.

0:14:19 > 0:14:23- This is the big one - it's called Snakes And Snakes.- Right.

0:14:23 > 0:14:28- You know Snakes And Ladders?- Yeah. - Like that, but with snakes.

0:14:28 > 0:14:34- Right.- There is a snake on every square - devilishly difficult, no-one's ever finished it.

0:14:34 > 0:14:38- How's that for starters?- Er... - Got another one.

0:14:42 > 0:14:46- Milk Round. - Right. How does Milk Round work?

0:14:46 > 0:14:51You are a milkman delivering milk, or a woman, to a house from your van, or a flat.

0:14:51 > 0:14:55You be the milk bottle. I will be the loaf of bread.

0:14:55 > 0:14:58- Right, pick a card. - Er...- What's it say?

0:14:58 > 0:15:00"Two pints of milk, please."

0:15:00 > 0:15:08Right, what that means is, please - two pints of milk please for house number one, right. Roll the dice.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15I said roll the dice!

0:15:15 > 0:15:16Oh, sorry.

0:15:16 > 0:15:21- Six - ignore it. Right, what are you again?- The milk bottle.

0:15:21 > 0:15:24I wanted to be the milk bottle.

0:15:24 > 0:15:29- This is all very interesting... - Right, got another one!

0:15:29 > 0:15:33Scratch Wood Scratch. ..Your go.

0:15:35 > 0:15:40- No.- I don't even know what the... I don't know.

0:15:42 > 0:15:47I've never seen that move before! Let me just check the rule book.

0:15:54 > 0:15:58Yeah, you've won. You're a clever one, I'll give you that.

0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Right, got another one. Throw Baby, Catch Baby.- Right.

0:16:01 > 0:16:06- But you need a real baby.- No. - Cards?- No.- Fighting!

0:16:06 > 0:16:07How can I put this?

0:16:07 > 0:16:11There seems to have been some sort of misunderstanding here.

0:16:11 > 0:16:15- We are not a games manufacturer. You do know that?- Yeah.

0:16:15 > 0:16:20And we've never made games here. We import tyres. You do know that?

0:16:20 > 0:16:22Yeah.

0:16:23 > 0:16:26Your point being?

0:16:26 > 0:16:30At Kelsey Grammar School, a new term is beginning.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43You may sit.

0:16:44 > 0:16:46Right, let me introduce myself.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49My name is Mr Cleaves,

0:16:49 > 0:16:53and I will be teaching you biology.

0:16:57 > 0:17:01And he never took an assembly again!

0:17:04 > 0:17:07This sorbet is delicious. Did you make it yourself?

0:17:07 > 0:17:11- Yes, with a little help from Nigella.- What?

0:17:11 > 0:17:14I got it out of Nigella Lawson's book.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16You copied it from Nigella?

0:17:16 > 0:17:20- Well...- Took the work of another and passed it off as your own.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22Right, in the bin!

0:17:22 > 0:17:27- I was enjoying that. - Yes, well, no-one likes a cheat.

0:17:27 > 0:17:34Sorry about that. He doesn't always treat me like I'm still at school.

0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Coffee, anyone? - Oh, yes, please, darling,

0:17:40 > 0:17:46- There we are.- Thank you. - I think it's wonderful they still do this free milk.

0:17:46 > 0:17:50Child labour is, thankfully, alive and well in Britain.

0:17:50 > 0:17:55Today, some child actors are auditioning for a production of Bugsy Malone.

0:17:57 > 0:17:59James Wilton and Ralph Patterson.

0:17:59 > 0:18:05- It's Raif. ..No pressure, but if you don't get it, we have to sell the rabbit.- Mum, I'll do my best.

0:18:05 > 0:18:08OK, good luck, love.

0:18:09 > 0:18:15Oh, don't forget your tap shoes, and tell them your cousin was on Double Dare!

0:18:18 > 0:18:21Does your boy go up for much?

0:18:21 > 0:18:26Oh, no, this is his first, you know, apart from the school play, like.

0:18:26 > 0:18:28Oh, so he's not at stage school?

0:18:28 > 0:18:30No, just normal school.

0:18:30 > 0:18:32He don't stand a chance, then.

0:18:32 > 0:18:37- You gotta get him into a stage school.- Are they not quite dear?

0:18:37 > 0:18:41Yeah, but you gotta make sacrifices. Look, I sold me shoes.

0:18:41 > 0:18:48- And I'm on the game, just so Raif can go to Italia Conti. - So it's good?- Worth every penny.

0:18:48 > 0:18:55- He was in the last 12 for Dairylea AND had a callback for Bodger And Badger.- Really?- I'm not a liar!

0:18:56 > 0:18:59Well, thanks for all your advice, like.

0:18:59 > 0:19:03We knew he was going to be an actor since before he was born, yeah.

0:19:03 > 0:19:07He's so talented! They say he gets it from me.

0:19:07 > 0:19:15- Right.- I'd have loved to have gone to a stage school, but my mother wouldn't make the sacrifices I did.

0:19:15 > 0:19:19Still, she's blind now and that gives me some comfort.

0:19:19 > 0:19:24- Are you single?- Mr Wilton, we want to recall James for this afternoon.

0:19:24 > 0:19:26Mrs Patterson, you are free to go.

0:19:26 > 0:19:31- Well done, lad.- Yeah, well done. Really, really well done!

0:19:31 > 0:19:37- Argh! - Oh, is he all right?- He's bleeding! - Oh, he won't be Bugsy Malone now.

0:19:37 > 0:19:40Come on. Better luck next time, eh?

0:19:40 > 0:19:42Oh.

0:19:42 > 0:19:44Crazy! You'll be all right.

0:19:44 > 0:19:48Let's have a look, let's have a look.

0:19:49 > 0:19:53Oh, dear! We'll go and get it cleaned up, right.

0:19:53 > 0:19:57It's party conference time, and late at night in his hotel room

0:19:57 > 0:20:01the Prime Minister is making some final changes to his big speech.

0:20:01 > 0:20:05I love party conferences. They're brilliant!

0:20:05 > 0:20:06I've got them all on video.

0:20:06 > 0:20:11That all seems fine. Just punch out the stuff about education reforms.

0:20:11 > 0:20:13Let's call it a night.

0:20:13 > 0:20:18OK. We'll get to work on that and we'll see you in the morning.

0:20:18 > 0:20:21Good night, Prime Minister. Good night.

0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, I thought they'd never leave!

0:20:28 > 0:20:32- Is there something else you wanted to talk about?- Not really, no.

0:20:32 > 0:20:35Oh, I'm shattered.

0:20:40 > 0:20:43PHONE RINGS

0:20:43 > 0:20:48- It's probably the Japanese prime minister. Would you mind? - Can I just use your loo?

0:20:48 > 0:20:50- Yes.- Thank you.

0:20:51 > 0:20:53Hello?

0:20:53 > 0:20:55Put him through.

0:20:57 > 0:21:00Kazuko, koninichiwa.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02Yes, yes, it's coming along.

0:21:02 > 0:21:06Look, I've got the treaty right here.

0:21:07 > 0:21:12What exactly are your objections to it?

0:21:12 > 0:21:16Yeah, I do realise it's a very sensitive issue for your people.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18Yeah.

0:21:19 > 0:21:23No, no, I appreciate your concerns about the second clause.

0:21:23 > 0:21:28Perhaps we could look at making an amendment that everybody would agree with.

0:21:28 > 0:21:35I shall be meeting with the Cabinet tomorrow and I think we'll get a clearer picture of where we are.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40No, I think it's very nearly there.

0:21:40 > 0:21:44It's just a couple of details, isn't it?

0:21:44 > 0:21:49Hmm? ..No, I...I take it you'll be at the summit on the 15th?

0:21:49 > 0:21:52It's important we have it resolved.

0:21:52 > 0:21:54Are you guys going to be long?

0:22:00 > 0:22:03He'll call you back.

0:22:06 > 0:22:08Be gentle with me, Prime Minister.

0:22:10 > 0:22:16At his home in Herby, Andy is busy eating his own body weight in nuts.

0:22:16 > 0:22:21- What are you watching? Monster Trucks?- Monster Trucks, yeah.

0:22:21 > 0:22:26Well, I have got something rather special for you.

0:22:26 > 0:22:28What is it?

0:22:28 > 0:22:31- It's the new chair you wanted. - Yeah, I know.

0:22:31 > 0:22:35I had to go all the way to Cranmouth for it.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37Right, let's pop you in it.

0:22:37 > 0:22:42One, two, aaah! That's got you, that's got you, that's got you.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45That's got you, that's got you.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48I don't like it.

0:22:48 > 0:22:52- Give it a chance.- I wanna get out.

0:22:52 > 0:22:59Maybe you just need a cushion. Look, I'll go and pop your tea on and then I'll sort it out.

0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Everything all right?- Yeah, fine.

0:23:14 > 0:23:16- Roy?- Yes, Margaret?

0:23:16 > 0:23:23- Is the pirate memory game man still there?- Yes, Margaret. - I think I've found something.- Oh.

0:23:24 > 0:23:27Oh, my word, how funny!

0:23:29 > 0:23:34Cap'n Jack's Pirate Memory Game. How funny - ages four to eight!

0:23:34 > 0:23:37And it does look a little less piratey than the other one.

0:23:37 > 0:23:42- Well, what does he reckon? - Well, what do you reckon?

0:23:46 > 0:23:51- Can I have a look at the other one again?- Yes, of course. There you go.

0:23:57 > 0:24:03- And how much is this one again? - They both retail at £4.95.- Oh.- Oh, is there a problem?

0:24:03 > 0:24:06I was hoping to spend around £4.80.

0:24:08 > 0:24:13- I'll get money for me birthday next week. I'll buy it then.- Yes.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20SIGNS HEAVILY

0:24:27 > 0:24:35Sheltered accommodation is where people who are too old and lazy to do things for themselves are kept.

0:24:35 > 0:24:39- Do I look all right? - Yeah, you look fine.

0:24:39 > 0:24:44RINGS DOORBELL So, no Grandad in the frame?

0:24:44 > 0:24:48- No, he died ten years ago. - Great! ..Shock that must have been.

0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Oh, hello, love.- Hello, Nan.

0:24:54 > 0:24:58- Sorry to keep you. My hip's playing up again.- You remember Jason?- Yes.

0:25:04 > 0:25:05Hello.

0:25:14 > 0:25:18Oh! Mind my bag - it's nearly full.

0:25:18 > 0:25:23- We've got your shopping. - You are good. Come in.

0:25:25 > 0:25:27I'm sorry I'm in my nightie.

0:25:27 > 0:25:31- That's all right. You've got the figure for it.- Oh, thanks.

0:25:31 > 0:25:37- We'll... We'll just put these away for you.- Oh, thanks.- Cheers.

0:25:41 > 0:25:46Thanks for helping with the shopping. You are a good boy.

0:25:46 > 0:25:49I can be a bad boy sometimes.

0:25:51 > 0:25:53It's hot in here.

0:25:53 > 0:25:55I like it nice and warm.

0:25:55 > 0:25:59Workin' up...quite a sweat.

0:25:59 > 0:26:03You couldn't pass me that pouffe, could you, dear?

0:26:03 > 0:26:06My feet are killing me.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23Oh, baby...

0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Is that nice?- Oh, yeah.

0:26:30 > 0:26:33- What about here?- Mmm.

0:26:48 > 0:26:50Didn't know if you wanted sugar...

0:26:53 > 0:26:59- What's going on?- It's not what it looks like.- Get out!

0:27:11 > 0:27:14Is he a TRAINED chiropodist?

0:27:23 > 0:27:26Oh, I forgot to say - I won't be here tomorrow night.

0:27:26 > 0:27:29Mr Jackson will be filling in for me.

0:27:32 > 0:27:37Right, I think that's ready to go in the oven now.

0:27:37 > 0:27:39Got it.

0:27:39 > 0:27:41Got it. Oh, I've got it.

0:27:46 > 0:27:47Yeah, yeah.

0:27:48 > 0:27:52Bit lower. ..Try it round this way.

0:27:52 > 0:27:58So we reach the end of this evening's television programme.

0:27:58 > 0:28:02And what a remarkable array of Britons we've met!

0:28:02 > 0:28:05My favourites were the little kicking boy,

0:28:05 > 0:28:09Beefy Bill, and Dicky Snapples, the dwarf who hides apples.

0:28:09 > 0:28:11Until next time, goodbive.

0:28:11 > 0:28:14Subtitles by Graeme Dibble and Carolyn Donaldson BBC Broadcast 2003

0:28:14 > 0:28:16E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk