0:00:00 > 0:00:01This programme contains adult humour.
0:00:02 > 0:00:05Britain, Britain, Britain.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Opened by the Queen in 1972.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Britain attracts hundreds of visitors.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15But why? Not just to discover how chicken nuggets should really taste
0:00:15 > 0:00:20or to take part in the great British tradition of dogging. No!
0:00:20 > 0:00:24They come to meet the people of Britain.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30And it is them what we now here look at now today. Let's rock!
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Vicki Pollard is well-known in her local supermarket
0:00:34 > 0:00:39and is on first name terms with most of the security staff.
0:00:50 > 0:00:55- What you looking at, pervert?- You got to put the pick'n'mix in a bag.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58God, you're so racist!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03All right now?
0:01:03 > 0:01:08- Are you going to pay for those?- No, but, yeah, but, no, because I was
0:01:08 > 0:01:12just about to do it if you had waited. God this is so unfair!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15This is like being back at borstal.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19If anyone's nicked anything it's Michelle Pope cos she got her hand
0:01:19 > 0:01:23stuck up the chocolate machine and when I tried to cut it off
0:01:23 > 0:01:27she completely had an eppy and said I was educationally subnormal.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32- But she's done it with an Alsatian. - OK. I think it's time to go now.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I hate this shop because Bethany got a Saturday job
0:01:36 > 0:01:40and someone found a dead rat in the chocolate raisins and they came back
0:01:40 > 0:01:43and said "Have you got any of those chocolate rats."
0:01:43 > 0:01:48It's true. I swear on Duncan out of Blue's life. ALARM BLEEPS
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Can you come back in please?
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Oh my God! This is well harassment! ALARM BLEEPS AGAIN
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- Lift up your arms.- You only do this because you're in love with me.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01See! Totally innocent.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I am a innocent!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- What's this?- I bought it earlier.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- Morning! Afternoon!- Hello.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22These men are transvestites and prefer to dress as ladies.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25I myself am happy in all clothing
0:02:25 > 0:02:28as I was born without genitals.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Morning. Two ladies on a bicyclette, that is all. Pay no heed.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Now, Florence, my dear, remember we are two ladies taking afternoon tea.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- Yes, Emily.- I know this is all very new to you
0:02:44 > 0:02:48but the trick is not to draw attention to yourself.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Two ladies for tea, please! - Yes, of course. This way.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57- Ladies first!- I am also a lady. - Oh yes!- Here we are.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Florence, do take a seat. - No, after you, Emily.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Florence, I insist.- Emily, please.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07We're both ladies. Who sits first?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- Oh! Ha-ha.- Oh, ha-ha!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Oh!- Ha-ha ha-ha- Oh...
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- IN A MAN'S VOICE:- Sit down!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Merci!- Thank you!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh! Florence, regardez le menu.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26So many delicious foods and drinks that a lady might enjoy.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30It all looks nice doesn't it, lady friend? I don't know what to have.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Will you be having cake?
0:03:32 > 0:03:37If they have a ladies cake then yes. But only if - we are ladies.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42- Oh yes! We are most definitely two of them, yes!- Beautiful ladies!
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Why don't you order for both of us? I'm off to powder my nose.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- Other door! Ha-ha-ha! - Oh yes! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:03:53 > 0:03:57And don't forget to sit down when you piss.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05At this health spa in Trump the manager wants a word with a guest.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10- Mrs De Vere. Sorry, Mrs De Vere...? - Call me Bubbles. Everybody does.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Can I have a word?- Can we walk and talk? I have an allergy wrap.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18It's about this payment situation. You've been with us for five months
0:04:18 > 0:04:23- and we haven't received anything. - Has my husband not sent the cheque?
0:04:23 > 0:04:28- We can't track him down.- Haven't tried him on the Monte Carlo number?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- I don't have it?- Have you a pen, darling?- Um, yeah.- The number is...
0:04:32 > 0:04:3612 345 6789. OK, darling?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Mrs De Vere? Mrs De Vere?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Hello, Gita. My turn now, darling.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48- No, Mrs De Vere. You're next door. - Oh. Sorry. See you at dinner.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54Never let this girl go. What she does with grape nuts is pure poetry.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57We need to resolve this now.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Very well, Mr Hutton. Then we shall resolve it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Are you a married man, Mr Hutton?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Yes, I am.- Yet you allow yourself
0:05:14 > 0:05:19to be alone in a room with a rather beautiful woman.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22That's dangerous, don't you think?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I just really need the cheque.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Very clever, darling.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32SEXY MUSIC PLAYS
0:05:37 > 0:05:43I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement, Mr Hutton.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59It is a quarter to half past five
0:05:59 > 0:06:03and Lou is taking Andy back home from the shops.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07You've got a lovely tan on you. Where have you been?
0:06:07 > 0:06:11No! no! Terribly sorry.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18'Bruce's Price Is Right.'
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Did you enjoy that?- All right.- Oh.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- Oh look! It's your favourite, The Price Is Right.- Yeah, I know.
0:06:30 > 0:06:36'It's always nice to meet the stars of our show, whoever you are.'
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I'll get started on the washing-up.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43'Ellen Hunt, come on down!
0:06:43 > 0:06:48'Acshai Fephoria, come on down!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54'Andy Pitkin, come on down!
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- 'You are the first four contestants on The Price Is Right.'- Hello.
0:07:06 > 0:07:12One thing this country does better than all the others is fetes.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It's the fete capital of the world.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20That's cakes done. Now, what's next, Judy?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- It's Maggie's jams. - Jams? Jolly good. Thank you, Judy.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Now, what's this? Plum.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Not my favourite conserve, Judy.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34- Or mine, Mary.- But we soldier on.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Mmm. That's not bad for a plum.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39It's rather good. Who made this?
0:07:39 > 0:07:45- Emma Shepherd.- Who?- The one who ran off with the schoolmistress.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46SHE GAGS
0:07:55 > 0:08:01- Are you all right, Maggie?- No more lesbian jam. I can't keep it down.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- So sorry, Maggie. I'll, er, I'll make a note.- Yes.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10I'm assuming this is raspberry. It's not properly labelled.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Thank you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Mmm. Not unpleasant. Who made this?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Sarah Tenant.- Remind me.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Sarah Tenant. The one who's married to the man who's...(black).- Sorry?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Who married someone who's...(black). - She did what?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29She married a black man. SHE GAGS
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Judy, you could have warned me.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- I'm so sorry, Maggie. Do you want to carry on?- Yes.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Yes. We've got to get this done.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Well next, Maggie, we have breakfast marmalade.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Ah. Mmm. Mmm. Very nice.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Quite tangy. Put down tangy.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Tangy.- Very nice. Who made this?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Sanjana Patel.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Right. That's jams done. Next, pastries.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36In the small mining village of Llanddewi-Brefi lies the home
0:09:36 > 0:09:38of homosexual gay Dafyd Thomas.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Morning, Dafyd.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Gay rights now!
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- There was a bucket stole in the village.- It's a crimewave.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- Mum. Da. - Morning son.- Morning son.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I've something important to say.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08Put your paper down, Dad. What do you want to say?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12You know I haven't really had any girlfriends.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17What about the girl from the abattoir?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Yes, that was just a phase.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22What about the girl with the lazy eye? You were quite taken with her.
0:10:22 > 0:10:29Again, the folly of youth. No. What I have to tell you is that I am...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Asthmatic?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34No. I am...
0:10:34 > 0:10:36a gay. Oh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:42- That's nice, dear. - Good for you, lad. It says here
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- that the bucket had a chrome handle.- Oh.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- So you don't mind?- No!
0:10:48 > 0:10:53- You won't disown me or cast me asunder?- Hey? Oh, no.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58To be honest, love, we did have an inkling.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- You got a boyfriend then?- No.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Have you not had any arse action at all?
0:11:05 > 0:11:10No. But I have been thinking about it, which may shock you.
0:11:10 > 0:11:17- I'll have to try and fix you up with someone.- That won't be easy as I am the only gay in the village.
0:11:17 > 0:11:23There's a lad who works down the mine. He takes it up the chuff.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- No, thank you. - I know who's mad for cock.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32He runs the sauna - Gay Aled.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Gay Aled is not gay!
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Uncle Glyn's had him. Apparently he's very into watersports.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- Ah. That's nice for them.- Yeah.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48I think we should invite the family round on Sunday.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50It's time they knew.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55This Sunday's not much good. Uncle Gareth's gone to San Francisco.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Cousin Bryn is going to watch Shirley Bassey.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04- What about Auntie Sioned?- No, she stays in on a Sunday and eats minge.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14When I see a fat person, I spit on them as I would a dog
0:12:14 > 0:12:18and would encourage you to do the same.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Oh, you've put on 3g. You've been noshing again, haven't you?
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Next time you feel peckish, have a bit of dust. Yeah?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Waddle back to your seat.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34Those of you who read the Fat Fighters newsletter will be aware
0:12:34 > 0:12:39that Fat Fighters has got a new spokesperson.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42We're lucky - she's visiting us tonight.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47Please give a warm welcome to Vanessa Feltz.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Vanessa!
0:12:51 > 0:12:57Vanessa Feltz. Mwah! Mwah! My good friend, Vanessa Feltz from the TV.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Come and sit next to me, Vanessa Feltz.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05So, Vanessa Feltz,
0:13:05 > 0:13:10you and - I know you won't mind me saying it - you were fat.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14We're all friends, we can say it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19- Then you lost it all!- I was going through a traumatic divorce.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Then you piled it back on. I saw a picture of you in Take A Break.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26The last thing you needed.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- That's why I... - Then you lost it all again!
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- Yes, but I... - What are you doing now? Up or down?
0:13:33 > 0:13:40I hope I've reached my optimum weight. It's important to realise when that point comes.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I think you could lose another stone.
0:13:44 > 0:13:50OK, fatties, so it's question and answer with Vanessa Feltz.
0:13:50 > 0:13:56Who's got a question? Vanessa will not want to answer questions about the divorce
0:13:56 > 0:14:00or the time she went a bit loopy on Big Brother.
0:14:00 > 0:14:06Don't ask her about Grant Bovey and the chocolate at the wedding.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11- That was Anthea Turner.- I don't think you can blame Anthea for that.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16- Vanessa.- Hi, Amira. - You must have tried many diets.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18What was the worst one?
0:14:18 > 0:14:23- Well...- Couldn't understand a word. Sorry, Vanessa. She's Asian.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I should have warned you. An English person?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Yes, Pat.- Hello, Vanessa.- Hi, Pat.
0:14:29 > 0:14:35I must say what an inspiration it is to see larger-frame women like yourself on TV.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- I want to...- It's a bloody essay.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45Was it a struggle for you to get on TV? I'd love to be a TV presenter,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48but my size might hold me back.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52- Well, it is...- You?! On TV?!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Don't make me laugh!
0:14:54 > 0:14:59Vanessa may be big, but you are something else.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01I call her Fat Pat, hey, Vanessa?
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Actually, I'm making a new show about dieting and attitudes to food.
0:15:05 > 0:15:11I need some larger people to help present. Give me your phone number.
0:15:11 > 0:15:18- Thanks!- Don't worry, Pat. I'll make sure she gets your number. I'd love to be on TV.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Sorry, not after what I've seen today. You're obviously a total cow.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- Anybody else?- I've got a question, Vanessa Feltz.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Thank you very much, Vanessa Feltz.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Vanessa Feltz.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45After money was introduced to Britain in 1997, banks were opened.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50So, how much do you want to borrow?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52£2,000, please.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Two thousand pounds.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Computer says "No."
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Is there nothing we can do?
0:16:05 > 0:16:11Right. Well, maybe if I ask to borrow a bit less. £1,500?
0:16:12 > 0:16:17Fifteen hundred pounds.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Computer says "No."
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Can I have a word with the manager?
0:16:27 > 0:16:32- Computer says "No." - So, there's nothing you can do?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Give me a minute.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40(There's a man here, says he wants to borrow £2,000.)
0:16:43 > 0:16:48WHISPERS INAUDIBLY
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Computer says "No."
0:16:57 > 0:17:02Posh people are much better and cleverer than common people
0:17:02 > 0:17:04and so they live in nicer houses.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Oh, love's young dream.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Today, Harvey's parents are meeting his girlfriend for this first time.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- It's a lovely house. - It's been in the family for years.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20What about you? You work in publishing?
0:17:20 > 0:17:26Yes. It's a small house. We mainly do history books.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Battle of Culloden - wonderful. Any books on that?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- What time is dinner, Mummy? - It will be about another hour.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38- But I'm hungry.- You'll have to wait. So, how did you two meet?
0:17:38 > 0:17:43It was through a friend I work with who was at Bristol with Harvey.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Bitty.- Not bitty now, bitty later.
0:17:46 > 0:17:52- Bitty!- If you have bitty now, you won't want any supper, will you?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I want bitty.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Come along, then.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10- It's all right, Jane. Do carry on. - Um...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- You were telling us about how you met.- Oh.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Well, I was at a party and...
0:18:17 > 0:18:21..um...we got talking.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26I'd seen you before at Simon's 30th but we didn't really speak then.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29No, but we sort of...
0:18:30 > 0:18:33..noticed each other.
0:18:33 > 0:18:38- More wine, anybody? - Fine, thank you, Daddy.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41You are hungry today, aren't you?
0:18:41 > 0:18:48- Do you have your own place in London?- No. My brother and I live at home with our parents.
0:18:48 > 0:18:54- Really?- Yes. We tried to move out, but Mum and Dad don't want us to.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Oh, I think it's terribly important to let go.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00HE BURPS
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Thank you, Mummy.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Welcome to the family.
0:19:08 > 0:19:14It's nought o'clock and at this shop, Mr Man is looking for a date.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I had a date once. It was November 11th.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- Hello.- Hello. So, how can I help you?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I'm looking for a woman with a name of Linda Williams.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30So you're looking for a specific person?
0:19:30 > 0:19:35No. Any woman with the name of Linda Williams.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Any particular reason?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I like that name.
0:19:39 > 0:19:45- Right.- It's not my favourite.- No? - My favourite name is Catherine Drew.
0:19:45 > 0:19:50But at my time of life, you can't afford to be too picky.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Because, as I always say...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Right. OK.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Let's take down some of your particulars.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05What age woman are you looking to meet?
0:20:05 > 0:20:10Oh, really, anybody between the ages of 38 and 39.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Height?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17She should have some height, yes.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Hair?
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- I do prefer it. - No - any particular length?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Oh, anything from here...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28to here.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Right.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34OK, well... I'll just have a look in the file.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I can't see anyone in here.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40One moment.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Margaret! Margaret!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yes?
0:20:49 > 0:20:54A gentlemen wants to know if we have any women named Linda Williams!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- We have a Lindsey Williams. - We have a Lindsey Williams!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Absolutely no way.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- Absolutely no way.- Oh.- Oh.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- There's a Linda Willis. - Ooh, there's a Linda Willis!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Would she be interested in changing her name?
0:21:10 > 0:21:15- Would she change her name? - I don't know.- She doesn't know.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17- Oh.- Oh!
0:21:17 > 0:21:22Roy! Roy, check the red file. There might be a Linda Williams in there.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Oh!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Oh, yes! How funny.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32We have a Linda Williams. She's 38, got shoulder-length hair, pretty.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- Well?- Well?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Did I mention she should have a glass eye?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Margaret.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Margaret!
0:21:48 > 0:21:53Number Ten Downing Street is the home of the Prime Minister.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58I was asked to be PM but it clashed with a voiceover for Mini Eggs.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04Here are the policy documents for the NATO summit, Prime Minister.
0:22:05 > 0:22:11Thank you. I'll need one of you to come with me to Bruges this evening,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- in advance of the talks.- Ooh!
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Mm!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Ooh! Mm!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Ha!- Gregory, would you like to go?
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- I'd be delighted. - Would you pack my case for me?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- With pleasure.- But I know where your pants and socks are!
0:22:30 > 0:22:34And if you'd make sure the car's ready.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39- Yes, Prime Minister.- "Yes, Prime Minister. No, Prime Minister. Three bags full, Prime Minister!"
0:22:39 > 0:22:42BUZZER
0:22:44 > 0:22:49- Yep?- 'The leader of the opposition is here, Prime Minister.'- Thank you.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54You don't have a problem with me taking Gregory to the summit, do you?
0:22:54 > 0:22:59- No, I'm not bothered. You guys have fun!- It's just that I...
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Don't touch me, please!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03KNOCKING
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Come in!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Oh, so this would be my office!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Ha ha!- Ha ha ha!
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Hi, Mike. How are you? - Don't get too used to it, Philip!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- My aide, Sebastian Love.- Oh.- Hi.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Just need to search you.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28OK! Fine.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Sebastian, I don't think that's necessary.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oooh.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Philip, take a seat.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43The press have been very kind to you today.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Yes, the Guardian was pretty positive.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Yes. Gorgeous photo, wasn't it, Michael?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Tea?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- I'm sorry? - Cup of tea?- Are you having one?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Don't worry about him! You want one, you have one.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Yes, thanks.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05You advising your own piece
0:24:05 > 0:24:09to block the reforms I'm putting through?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- So that's why you invited me here! - I don't...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Finger?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16I'm sorry?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Chocolate finger.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20No thanks.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Go on, treat yourself!
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I like to dunk mine then suck off the chocolate.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Sebastian! Thank you.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43I don't see that these reforms need to turn into a party political issue.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- Don't let him bully you!- That's for me and the shadow cabinet.- Yeah!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50You go for it, girl!
0:24:50 > 0:24:55I'd better go. I've an interview with Paxman in a couple of minutes.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- Good luck!- He had you.- He did not!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00HE MOUTHS
0:25:00 > 0:25:06- It's nice to see you, Michael. Good luck with the summit.- Thanks. - Are you going, Sebastian?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09No, he's taking a black boy.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Well, it's nice to meet you.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I'll text you my number,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18yeah?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Yes, thank you.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Right.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Sebastian, that was an extraordinary display.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Ooooh!
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Jealous!
0:25:36 > 0:25:38DOOR SLAMS
0:25:38 > 0:25:43It's half past Tommy, and Judy and Maggie have completed their judging.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Ladies! Thank you so much for judging the jams.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- It was a pleasure, vicar. - Thank you, vicar.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- Fairy cake?- Thank you very much! - Yes, thank you.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57These look lovely.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Mmmm! Delicious!
0:26:00 > 0:26:04They were made by the people in the homeless shelter.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12SHE GRUNTS
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Bleeuuuurrrghhh!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Brrrghhhh!
0:26:32 > 0:26:39After a morning spent removing all the "K"s from Andy's Alphabetti Spaghetti,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Lou is taking his friend to the park.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47- Ooh, don't eat all the bread. Thath for the duckth!- I know.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- Oy! Einstein!- Come over 'ere and say that!- Rithe above it!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Takin' the mick!- Juth ignore it.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Someone should give them lot a smack!
0:26:59 > 0:27:05- You thaid you were against violenth, that it wath the last bathtion of moral cowardith.- I know.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Leave it, then. Come on, leth feed the duckth.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Oy! Davros!
0:27:11 > 0:27:16Peathful here, innit? Thath why I like it.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Gives you time to think and reflect on your life.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24I find the water very calming. I know you do too.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Ethpecially a day like today. Abtholutely magical.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31All the troubles in the world float away.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Oh, good, they've gone!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Thee! Rithe above it!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Yeah, I know.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48And so it is time to leave Little Britain for another week.
0:27:48 > 0:27:53I have been asked to read the names of people who have to go to bed now.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Peter Goodman, Susannah and Robin Fellows,
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Kathleen Willetts, Sir Henry Faulkener and Micky.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Good night!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Have you got my inhaler?