0:00:00 > 0:00:03Contains some strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:09I love Britain so much, that every day I sacrifice a child in honour of it.
0:00:09 > 0:00:15So thank the Lord, who incidentally is British, for the great things he has brought to this land -
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Take A Break, Spearmint Rhino
0:00:18 > 0:00:20and Findus crispy pancakes.
0:00:20 > 0:00:24But also, let us give thanks for the people of Britain,
0:00:24 > 0:00:28and it is them whom we'll be doing looking at today.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Boogaloo!
0:00:30 > 0:00:35Today, Lou has arranged for Andy to go on a blind date.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I went on a blind date once, with a border collie.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Nothing came of it, but we stay in touch.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- Can I have one of them chips?- No.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- Please.- No, should've got your own.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- I only had enough for one. - Yeah, I know.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52- It doesn't matter - I don't want any chips now, anyway.- Nor do I.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Are you excited about this date?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Yeah... What date?- The date.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- I set you up on a date with a lady. - Yeah, I know.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Her name is Francesca,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08and I said we'd meet her at the steps at five sharp.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Oh, she's early. Hello, Francesca, how are you?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- Very well, thanks.- That's good.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- This is Andy, who I was telling you about.- Hello, Andy.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I don't want that one!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Why not?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23She's in a wheelchair.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- I know she's in a wheelchair. - I don't like her.- It's early days.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33I'll leave you two alone. You don't need me here playing raspberry.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Have a lovely time.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Well, Andy, I've heard a lot about you.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49SHE SCREAMS
0:01:51 > 0:01:54SHE SCREAMS
0:01:54 > 0:01:59This programme contains some strong language.
0:02:01 > 0:02:06In Darkly Noone, Vicky Pollard's gang are keen to get on with their day's robbing.
0:02:06 > 0:02:12- Where is Vicky? She is so supposed to be here by now.- She's got that black boyfriend now.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15She has well changed since she's gone with Jermain.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- Take your time, Vicky(!) - Where've you been?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25JAMAICAN ACCENT: No, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no
0:02:25 > 0:02:30cos there somethin' happenin' I don't know nothin' about. Shut up
0:02:30 > 0:02:35- and don't give me evil, cos me an' my man Jermain just been behind the waterslide makin' baby.- So...
0:02:35 > 0:02:38you coming down Woolies later?
0:02:38 > 0:02:43Me don't know. Me might just hang with me man Jermain and cooking up some chicken an' rice an' peas
0:02:43 > 0:02:48but yeah, but no, but yeah, but it's up to Jermain now cos me his bitch.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53PLUMMY VOICE: Victoria, I'm just happy to go with the flow.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Me man has spoken.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Woolies it is.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Meaning-while, at this restaurant in Chafe...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10The rocket salad. Thank you.
0:03:10 > 0:03:17- So, you still haven't heard from Alistair?- No, I think he's gone back to that Sacha.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Sorry...
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Well, I've been wanting to introduce you to my friend Jonathan.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Oh, yes?
0:03:24 > 0:03:28He's single, works in the city, he's got a lovely Docklands apartment.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Oh, he's doing well for himself?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- Yes, just bought a place in Provence.- Sounds wonderful.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I think I've got a picture of him.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Oh, looks lovely.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Christianity is one of the most popular religions in Britain, with over 80 members.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Please be seated.
0:04:00 > 0:04:06Now, as you know, the Reverend Hartley is on an exchange trip to Harlem in New York,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10so they've sent their reverend here to take the service this week.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Now, I imagine he's a little nervous,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17so I want you all to make him feel very welcome.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20His name is Reverend Jesse King.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23HALLELUJAH!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26I...is from the ghetto!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You...
0:04:28 > 0:04:31is from the ghetto!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33We is all from the ghetto!
0:04:35 > 0:04:40But how we gonna get outta the ghetto? I tell you how you is gonna get outta the ghetto!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42We is gonna fight the power!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Fight the power!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Fight the power.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48What we gonna do, momma?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Fight the power, perhaps?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Praise the Lord.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Hallelujah!
0:04:57 > 0:05:02Say, "Praise be to Jesus!" CONGREGATION MUTTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Say, "Praise be to the Lord!"
0:05:05 > 0:05:07ALL: (Praise be to the Lord.)
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Say, "Hi-de-hi-de-hi!"
0:05:09 > 0:05:11ALL: Hi-de-hi-de-hi.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Say, "Ho-de-ho-de-ho!" ALL: Ho-de-ho-de-ho.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19Go, go, go to the holiday rock! Praise the Lord. Amen. ALL: Amen...
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Now it is time to call upon Lord Jesus to come amongst us today
0:05:24 > 0:05:26and heal the sick and the lame.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Anyone here who can't walk?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Can't do that?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Anyone here with leprosy?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Any lepers in the house?
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- Brother, what be your sickness?- Oh, I'm fine. Just a slight cough.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Come and join me, brother. Jesus will cure you.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Excuse me while I talk in tongues for a moment.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Anno-hey-whoa-whoa!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Anno-hey-woo-woo!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05HIGH-PITCHED WARBLING
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Clear?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Still a bit tickly.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Try these.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17He can walk! Hallelujah!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Praise the Lord!
0:06:19 > 0:06:23There is no greater shame in Britain than being fat.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27I had a fat son, who naturally I gave up for adoption.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30He's written to me several times saying he's lost weight
0:06:30 > 0:06:32and would like to meet up, but I'm not interested.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- What the hell's all this?- You know me and Pat have gotten engaged?
0:06:40 > 0:06:45- Yeah.- We booked the hall for a party. - We've been setting up all afternoon.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Looks cheap. OK...
0:06:47 > 0:06:52so, let's start with... Hang on, I don't remember getting my invitation.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Oh, well it was just, you know, close friends and family.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- Roy, you're going, are you?- Yes.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- You?- Yes.- Are you going?- Yes.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Mary, are you going?- Yes.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Sorry?- Yes.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- Do it again.- Yes!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- No, do it again.- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Was that a "yes" or...? We'll never know.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16You need an interpreter, really.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- And all this food's for the party? - Yeah.- What are these?- Vol-au-vents.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Come on! I did vol-au-vents last week! Am I wasting my time?!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- They're calorie hotspots!- Marjorie!
0:07:28 > 0:07:33I'm only thinking of you. You've got your wedding day coming up, I want to see you down to a size 30.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- What are these?- Mini chipolatas.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41Why don't you just stick shit through my letter box, huh?!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44And what the HELL is this supposed to be?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I made it - it's banoffi pie.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50DEEP VOICE: "I made it - it's banoffi pie."
0:07:50 > 0:07:55You Tanya, are playing Russian roulade with these people's lives! If one of these fatties has a bite,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58they could drop down dead. Shame on you! Boo, hiss, boo!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04We're just trying to have a party, Marjorie.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Yeah, you're right. What was I thinking?
0:08:09 > 0:08:16Let's not worry about Fat Fighters today. Have a lovely time and I wish you all the best for the future.
0:08:25 > 0:08:31Today, stage hypnotist Kenny Craig's three-date national tour has arrived in Snitch.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome hypnotist extraordinaire,
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Kenny-y-y-y-y-y-y...
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Craig-g-g-g-g-g-g-g!
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much indeed!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Welcome to the show!
0:08:49 > 0:08:54Look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes. Don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes.
0:08:54 > 0:08:55You're under.
0:08:55 > 0:09:02In one hour, I will click my fingers and you will all believe you have witnessed a superb hypnotic show
0:09:02 > 0:09:08that was much better than Paul McKenna and Derren Whatsisname and you will tell your friends.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Hold the thought.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32With this afternoon's Welsh Gay Rugby League match over,
0:09:32 > 0:09:35local fruit Daffyd Thomas is heading off to the pub.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Hello, Daffyd.- Yeah, I'm gay! Get over it!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- There you go, Farmer Hughes. - Thank you, my love.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Ten Bacardi and Cokes, please.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Coming right up. - In you come, fellas.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Come on, lads.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Get in here.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57So, who are all this lot, then?
0:09:57 > 0:10:04- They're from Bangor.- Oh, right. - Llandewi Breffi played them today in the Gay Rugby League.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Who won?- Bangor...96-nil.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10So what's happened to all our lot?
0:10:10 > 0:10:15No, it's just me, you see. As you know, I am the only gay in the village.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20It's funny, I was in here last week - you couldn't move for cock.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Yeah, it was non-stop bum fun.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29- No, you're quite wrong.- I'd love to have played but I never heard nothing about it.- It was a gay team.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Well, I've tugged the odd todger in my time.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- Yes, thank you, Farmer Hughes. - Excuse me, excuse me.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- I'm a good winger.- But you're married.- But I'm always cottaging.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- What about your wife?- She don't mind. She's bi-curious herself.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Disgusting!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51So, which toilets do you use, then?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53The one in the park, of course.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, yes, I thought I'd seen you through the glory hole.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I think I'm a bit old now for rugby,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04but I'm a big fan of fist.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Is there nobody in this pub who isn't gay?!
0:11:08 > 0:11:13Well, I indulged in mutual masturbation when I was younger. Does that count?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15What about you, Mr Jenkins?
0:11:15 > 0:11:20Well, since I've retired, I've discovered the joys of rimming.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Right...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25That is it! I've had it with this village!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- I'm leaving. Goodbye! - < Where are you going?
0:11:28 > 0:11:34As far away as possible. To a place where gay people are not welcome - where I am the only one.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Where?- I've got two uncles in San Francisco. I'll go there!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53O-O-Oh...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Oh, so he's in the army.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Huh!
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Oh, yeah. 3,2,1 - you're back in the room.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Thank you. Thank you very much indeed. You've been a great audience.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15Thank you very much. Don't forget to tell your friends. Good night.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22She's taking bloody ages with these drinks. Oh! Thank you very much.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- It's a shame about Jonathan.- He just talked about himself the whole night.
0:12:26 > 0:12:33- There's a good friend of mine - Rupert. Have you met Rupert?- I don't think so.- He's a friend of Simon's.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39- He's just split up with his girlfriend.- What's he like? - He's lovely - very good looking.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43He's an architect. I've got a picture of him, I think.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Oh, yes.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Looks familiar.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- He was at Harriet's wedding. - Did he have longer hair?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Before you can get divorced in Britain, you need to get married.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02For Harvey and Jane, the big day has finally arrived.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05THEY FINISH SINGING HYMN
0:13:07 > 0:13:13Now it is time... for Jane and Harvey...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15to make their wedding vows.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Do you...
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Harvey Tobias Jerome Pincher
0:13:21 > 0:13:27take Jane Louise Edwards to be your lawful wedded wife?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Bitty.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I'm sorry?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Bitty.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37(It's "I do.")
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I know, but...hungry for bitty.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- Come on, Harvey. We fed you on the way here.- We're eating in an hour.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Want me to go?- No, no, no, Mummy.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I'm terribly sorry. It's a lovely service.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- SLURPING - Carry on.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I... Do you...um...
0:14:08 > 0:14:12take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I do.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19And do you Jane Louise Edwards take...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20this...
0:14:22 > 0:14:24..man
0:14:24 > 0:14:27to be your lawful wedded husband?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Um...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I do.
0:14:35 > 0:14:41Then I declare you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
0:14:54 > 0:15:00In Troot, theatrical agent Jeremy Rent is working hard for his stellar list of clients.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Hello, this is a message for the editor of OK! Magazine.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09Jeremy Rent here. My client Liza Goddard has just had a new loft extension.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13I am offering you an exclusive on it for £30.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I look forward to hearing from you. Goodbye.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- INTERCOM BUZZES - 'Dennis Waterman here to see you.'
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Lovely. Send him in.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Hello!
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- It's raining cats and dogs out there.- Hello, Dennis.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Let me take that from you.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Yes, you sound a bit bunged up.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Bit of a cold.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Have a tissue. - Have you not got any man-size?
0:15:39 > 0:15:40No.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47HE BLOWS HIS NOSE LOUDLY
0:15:53 > 0:15:55I've had a call from George Lucas.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Oh, the man who done Howard The Duck?- Um...yes...
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- and Star Wars. - Oh, he done that as well?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Anyway, he's making a brand new Star Wars film
0:16:07 > 0:16:12- and he wants you to be Obi-Wan's cousin Kenneth Kenobe.- That's nice!
0:16:12 > 0:16:16So, you want me to star in it, write the theme tune and sing it?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- They've already got their own music. - Tell them to get stuffed!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Dennis, Star Wars is a very big deal and could make you an awful lot of money.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29They can even make an action figure of you, like this.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Woo!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Life-size!
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Well?
0:16:38 > 0:16:43# In a galaxy far away in space
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- # Do-do-do-do... # - Dennis...
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# ..Bad men are taking over space
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- # Do-do-do-do... # - Dennis...
0:16:51 > 0:16:53# ..I've got a good idea
0:16:53 > 0:16:55# Just you keep me near
0:16:55 > 0:16:57# I'll be so good for the rebel alliance! #
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Obviously, it will sound a bit better on the day,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- I'm a still bit snotty.- Here. Try this.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Man, that's good!
0:17:14 > 0:17:20It's half past Wilhelm, and at this health spa, Mr Hutton is taking an important meeting.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Meetings are when people who need to meet, meet and have a meeting.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Mr Hutton, a word!
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Mrs De Vere, I'm in the middle of a meeting.
0:17:28 > 0:17:35- What's this thing you've been telling Gina that I'm not allowed any more treatments until my bill's paid?- Yes.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39This is the lady who's bill has been unpaid for five months now.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Why don't you take a photo? It'll last longer!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Mrs De Vere, would you please leave? - Aren't you going to introduce me?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50This is Mrs De Vere.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- Call me Bubbles.- This is Mr Byford, he's head of accounts,
0:17:54 > 0:18:01Mr Shah in charge of our legal side, this is Miss Crozier,
0:18:01 > 0:18:05and this is Sir Anthony Garfield, who's the owner.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Oh, the owner!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Oh, Sir Tony!
0:18:08 > 0:18:11It is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Hello.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Champagne!
0:18:16 > 0:18:21So, Sir Tony, what sort of qualities do you look for in a woman?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23You're sitting on my report.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I do apologise.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28This more comfortable?
0:18:30 > 0:18:31No!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- Mrs De Vere, will you please leave? - Very well!
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Oh!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40You've dropped your pen.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I'm winking, darling.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Get out!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52(Meet me in the Jacuzzi in 15 minutes.)
0:18:56 > 0:18:59It's nought o'clock, and at this shop in Phlegm,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01a man is looking for a record.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06I myself own two records - both "No Parlez" by Paul Young.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Hello, how can...?
0:19:13 > 0:19:19I would like to purchase a record of James Last playing the hits of Nelly Furtado...
0:19:19 > 0:19:20on the banjo.
0:19:20 > 0:19:26And I would like a picture on the front of James Last displaying his hands with stigmata.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Certainly.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Thank you.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Does it have the sleeve notes by Dr Graham Garden?- Yes.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Thank you. So, think you'll see Rupert again?
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- No, thank you.- Well, did you ever meet Simon's brother Tom?
0:19:56 > 0:20:01- No, I don't think I did. - I think I've got a picture of them together somewhere.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Oh, yes.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09I can see the family resemblance.
0:20:09 > 0:20:14Today, the charming village of Pox is host to a bring and buy sale.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19Last year's bring and buy sale was very successful and raised over £1.20.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- Slow today, isn't it?- Yes.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26- Oh, hello!- Brown Owl's wondering if you'd like a gingerbread man each?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, how very nice!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Thank you.- Look.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Mmm... Oh, delicious. Did you make these?
0:20:34 > 0:20:38No, Aneesha did.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46No, Maggie, please. She's just a child!
0:20:55 > 0:20:59So, did you talk to Valerie about the Barnardo's job?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Run along!
0:21:05 > 0:21:10At Number 10, the government is celebrating another election victory. I love an election!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13In fact, I'm having one right now.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15MUSIC: "Things Can Only Get Better" by D:Ream
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Here's to a third term! THEY CHEER
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- You did it!- WE did it!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26What about ME?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Sebastian, thank you. You know I couldn't have done it without you.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32MUSIC: "Careless Whisper" by George Michael
0:21:43 > 0:21:47# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa-o... #
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Um...- This is nice, isn't it?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Uh... Uh...
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Yes, it's...it's going to be a very hectic day tomorrow.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I'm going to need your help, shepherding all the MPs...
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Shh...shh...
0:22:01 > 0:22:0423 new members. It's going to be quite...
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Shh-h-h-h-h-h-h...
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Prime Minister, I'd just like to say...
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh! Ah!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Don't fight it, Prime Minister.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45This is a very, very long song, isn't it?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56MUSIC CHANGES TO DANCE TRACK
0:22:57 > 0:23:02I'll be back in a while, I'm going to talk to the Chancellor.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06SEBASTIAN SOBS
0:23:09 > 0:23:11SOBS LOUDER
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Sebastian, are you...all right?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Yeah, I'm fine! I'm fine!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I...
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I don't want to speak out of turn,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26but do you perhaps have the slightest...
0:23:26 > 0:23:27crush on me?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30FORCED LAUGH
0:23:30 > 0:23:34What ever gave you that idea? No, I just wanted to say well done.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Oh, thank you.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Well done!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Oh, hello!
0:24:02 > 0:24:07As a special treat, Lou has taken Andy to the popular coastal town of Sphincter-On-Sea.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Right, tell me when.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Fine.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Fine.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16Fine.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19CRUNCH Fine.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24CAR HORN BLARES
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- I want to go swimming. - Oh, no. Not today.
0:24:28 > 0:24:34It's very cold in there and I need someone else to help get you in and out,
0:24:34 > 0:24:39- and I haven't even brought my trunks so it's be a right kerfuffle. - I wanna go swimming.
0:24:39 > 0:24:45I thought you didn't like swimming in the sea. You said the sea was a dark and brutal force
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- that had dragged many an innocent to a watery grave.- Yeah, I know.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52You stay there, I'll go and get you a choc ice.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57Hello, Mr choc ice fella, what sorts of choc ice have you got today?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Plain chocolate and milk chocolate?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03And what's the main difference between the two?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07The milk one is creamier? It's sweeter, isn't it?
0:25:07 > 0:25:13- The plain chocolate... - The plain chocolate has a darker, bitter edge to it.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17It's not to everybody's taste, but some people prefer the plain.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20It's very interesting, that.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- If you had to pick between the two, what would you choose?- Plain.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29You'd choose the plain one? Well, let's try one plain one, then.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31OK. There.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Oh, that's a nice one.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38That's the best choc ice you can get. Thanks a lot.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40There you go.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Is there a reason why you're naked?
0:25:50 > 0:25:54And so another remarkable series of Little Britain comes to an end.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58If you have enjoyed the series and you see me in the street,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02you may like to come up to me and caress my thighs and buttocks.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Good pie!
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Subtitles by Karin Anderson BBC Broadcast 2004
0:26:11 > 0:26:14E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk