0:00:02 > 0:00:06Britain, Britain, Britain - a bloody lovely place to live.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Discovered in 1972, lost in 1974,
0:00:09 > 0:00:14then found again a few years later hiding under Belgium.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17But what makes Britain so fandabidozy?
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Why, it's the great British public.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23Ah, push it, push it good.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Ah, push it, push it real good.
0:00:31 > 0:00:38At Hill Grange Health Spa, ex-Olympic gymnast, Bubbles Devere, is off to have her breakfast.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Ah, good morning, darling.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I'm going for breakfast, please service my room.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Quickly, hurry up, thank you, darling.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Are you sticking to your diet, Mrs Devere?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Oh, yes, Fenella, I'm just having Special K this morning.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Hello, girls. Hello, Rita darling.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Don't forget I'm having a fondue facial at 12.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Hello, Mrs Papadopoulos, how was your anal bleaching?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07I'll have a look later, darling.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I don't believe it!
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Hello, Bubbles.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I didn't know you were staying here.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20I haven't seen you since the divorce.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Well, I thought it was better if we didn't communicate for a while.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Are you here with...her?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28If you mean Desiree, then yes.
0:01:28 > 0:01:35Oh, goody. So I'm finally gonna meet the woman who destroyed our marriage.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Is she as beautiful as they say?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I think so, yes. Darling...
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Desiree, I don't believe you've met my ex-wife, Bubbles.
0:01:49 > 0:01:54Hello, baby, so nice to meet you.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Don't forget, sugar, we have our honeymoon massage at 10.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Nice to see you again, Bubbles.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08THEY SNIGGER
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I wouldn't have that Munch Bunch yoghurt if I were you, darling.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Why is that, baby?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19You already look like a hippo, darling.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Oh... Do I, baby?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Yeah, baby.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Hippo like you belong in the zoo.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Desiree, please.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Maybe baby's right.
0:02:37 > 0:02:43Maybe I shouldn't have this Munch Bunch raspberry yoghurt after all.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54- You little slut.- You fat bitch, get your hands off me.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05- Please, stop them. - Yeah, let's not be too hasty.
0:03:09 > 0:03:15In the words of the famous song, this is the dawning of the age of the aquarium.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Andy, a cuttlefish.- Yeah, I know.
0:03:18 > 0:03:24- "A cuttlefish lives in more tropical climes and feeds on plankton." - Yeah, I know.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Are you enjoying the aquarium, Andy?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29It's boring!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32I thought you loved sea life.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I thought you said that the underwater world had a sublime beauty
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- that mankind as a species could scarcely comprehend.- Yeah, I know.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- I thought we was going swimming though.- Oh, no this is an aquarium.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44You go swimming in a swimming pool.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49- Yeah, I know.- Well, then, let's see if I can find the octopuses.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Excuse me aquarium employee, could you tell me where the octopuses are?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55We have a few octopi.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58They're just down the next corridor past the sea horses.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59- It's octopi, is it?- Yes.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- What did I say?- Octopuses.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh, silly me. Always getting me pusses and me pie mixed up.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09If you just go past there, over the next corridor to the right
0:04:09 > 0:04:14- and there's some electric eels. - Any Conga eels?- I'm afraid not.
0:04:14 > 0:04:21At the Mike McShane estate in Bruise, a long awaited visitor has finally arrived.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Not long now, my sweet.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- No!- Hello, Mr Dudwee.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57No, no, you're not Ting Tong.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00I am Ting Tong. Ting Tong Macadangdang.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Wait there.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Oh, so this home now.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10No, I said wait at the door.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Look, you're not Ting Tong.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17I am Ting Tong, that is me. Mmm.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Yeah, is good photo, I give you that, is good photo.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Yeah, I want my deposit back. - Come and sit with Ting Tong.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Let us know each other before we have good time.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31So, I Ting Tong, I'm from village tiny in Thailand.
0:05:31 > 0:05:37I'm 19. I'm beautician. Here is picture of my family.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Hopefully they come live with us soon.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I'm sorry, you're gonna have to leave.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44But I want to be good wife of you.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Look, I know you've had a long journey...
0:05:47 > 0:05:53- Much of it on foot.- Much of it on foot, but I've paid £80, I think somebody's sold me up the swanny.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54But I am love you.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Well, I'm very flattered but you're gonna have to leave.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00You think I'm ugly don't you?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05No, no-one's saying you're hideous.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10There's obviously been some kind of administrational error.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Look, you nip back to Thailand and we'll sort it out.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Oh, please don't make me leave Mr Dudley, please.- No.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Mr Dudley...- No, now come on.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Oh, please don't make me leave!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Please, Mr Dudley, please!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Maybe just stay tonight and we'll see what happens.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37After a productive morning sending bullying text messages to younger
0:06:37 > 0:06:41children, Vicky and her gang are returning to their estate.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Who the Hollyoaks Omnibus is that?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Chantelle Baker's gang.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- Who?!- They live down Saint Paul's.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54No, but yeah, but no, but what are they doing on our patch or nothing or sort of like thing?
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- Cos they are well gonna get beaten... - Cool it Vicky, they're well 'ard.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Yeah, they gave the Redmond sisters a bog wash.- They don't scare me.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm just Vicky Pollard from round the corner from the block.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10V to the P to Icky to the Ollard.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Oh, my God.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13This is well hectic.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Hey, you.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24What you doing on our patch you total bunch of minging dog bitches?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28DRUM AND BASS MUSIC
0:08:28 > 0:08:29We is well the best dancers.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Mrs Emery is what we in Britain call an OAP.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Which stands for Old And Putrid.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Hello, Mrs Emery. - Oh, hello dear.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I met you at the jumble sale.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- Oh, yeah.- I hear they raised a lot of money.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Well, that's good cos they need that new roof.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Did you meet the new vicar that day?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Erm, yes, yes.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Very nice, isn't he? Young for a vicar but very nice. Lovely smile.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Yes, he is nice.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Pick up anything at the sale?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12No, not really.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16I got a lovely book on handicrafts and a very nice set of thimbles.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Oh...
0:09:18 > 0:09:24- Lovely.- I can't stand here chatting all day, I'll see you later, dear.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Mind out, someone's spilt something, ta-ta.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40In Britain we can proudly say we have transvestites from all walks of life.
0:09:40 > 0:09:46Between 1979 and 1990, even the British Prime Minister was a transvestite.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, sorry Emily, I overslept.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Erm, I think you may have forgotten something, my dear.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Oh, really, what's that?
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Er, well, er, ah, come with me, my dear.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oh, this is exciting.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Regardez. - Oh, do my earrings not go with my...?
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Oh, oh, Florence, help me. I'm a lady with a beard, help me!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Calm down, dear.- I can't! I'm a bearded lady!- What happened?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Oh, I forgot to shave this morning. It grows so fast!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Here, take this.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Oh, what am I to do?- I don't know.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Oh, there's a chemist over there, they may have something for you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Yes, gents?
0:10:35 > 0:10:40My LADY friend here needs to talk to you about something rather embarrassing.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Yes, I have a very slight facial hair problem.- Can I see?
0:10:46 > 0:10:51It's not very noticeable, I know, but I know it's there and it's not very ladylike, is it?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53No.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Well, the razors are over there.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57But I can't use a razor, I'm a lady.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Well, some ladies who come here with your...
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- problem...- Problem, yes.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06They like to use this.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07It bleaches the hair.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- I see, and this is for ladies, is it? - Yes.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Very well, I'll take 12 tubs.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Would you like to take a tub?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I beg your pardon?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You do have a slight moustache problem.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28- How dare you!- You DO. HE MOUTHS: He does.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Are you sure you can't see it?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Honestly, my dear, you wouldn't know it was there.
0:11:49 > 0:11:55In Buxom, Sir Norman Fry MP has called a press conference.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- PRESS GANG:- Can we have a statement please, sir?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01When are you resigning?
0:12:01 > 0:12:05I, er, I have a statement I would like to read.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09On Tuesday night, following a late meeting at party headquarters,
0:12:09 > 0:12:14I decided to go for a relaxing drive through the King's Cross area.
0:12:14 > 0:12:20Whilst there, I saw a young Rastafarian gentleman on the side of the road.
0:12:20 > 0:12:26As one of my constituents, I felt it my duty to stop and offer him a lift.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30During the journey, I pulled over into a nearby alleyway,
0:12:30 > 0:12:37so that I could safely reach into the glove compartment and take out a Murray Mint.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41At this point, I fell on top of him
0:12:41 > 0:12:46and I regret to say a part of my body accidentally entered him.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Thank you.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03Carol Beer has left her job at the bank and is now delighting customers
0:13:03 > 0:13:07at this travel agent's in the new town of Spongebob Squarepants.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11That's all booked for you, Mr Ryan.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14One fly-drive return to Toronto.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20- Thank you. I'm so looking forward to it, I haven't seen my daughter in four years.- No.
0:13:22 > 0:13:27One thing I forgot to say, is it possible for me to have a vegetarian meal on the plane?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I'll just have to cancel your booking.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Oh, don't do that.- Right, done that.
0:13:32 > 0:13:38- So you wanted to fly to Toronto on the 14th?- Yes.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Computer says "No".
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- What?- You had the last ticket, someone must have taken it.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50I just need a flight to Toronto but with a vegetarian meal.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53I can get you a vegetarian meal...
0:13:55 > 0:13:58..on a flight to Berlin.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- That will be leaving tonight. - The meal isn't that important.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07It's a lentil bake with a rocket salad.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- No, I don't want that. - I'll just put that on hold for you in case you change your mind.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Or I've got a nut rissole on a flight to Beijing.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18That leaves in ten minutes.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20No.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25I've got a piece of marinated tofu on a flight to Vancouver?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Vancouver, that could work.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31It's taxiing now, if you run you might just get it.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Obviously not then.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36No.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Can I get to Toronto the following day instead?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Computer says "No".
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You didn't even type anything in then.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Computer says "No".
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Thank you very much(!)
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, hang on, hang on...
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Yes?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58SHE COUGHS
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Goodbye.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Over in the Welsh mining village of Llanddewi Brefi
0:15:05 > 0:15:09little fat poofer Dafydd Thomas has finally found a vocation in life.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15- Evening, Dafydd.- Yeah, I'm gay, get with the programme.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17There's your port, Mr Jenkins.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Oh, thank you, love.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Evening, Dafydd.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Good evening, Myfanwy. I think I'll have a Bacardi and Coke, please.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Coming right up.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44That's a very skimpy little number you're wearing there.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Mmm, it's for my new job.- Oh, yes.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Yes, I've become a rent boy.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51A rent boy?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54That's right, Myfanwy, I've got the looks,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I've got the body, I'm a young gay guy, why shouldn't I just go for it?
0:15:57 > 0:16:02- How's business? - Slow, but tonight is the first night.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Have you advertised?
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Yes, Mrs Jones has put a card up in the post office and the vicar
0:16:08 > 0:16:12has very kindly said he'll give me a mention in the parish news.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Well, Dafydd if it gets you some bum fun, I'm all for it.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21And I very much doubt I'll pick up any trade, Myfanwy, everybody knows I am the only gay in the village.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Excuse me, are you Scott?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Oh, erm, yes.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- I'll leave you boys to it. - No, don't go, I...
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Well, it said in the advert you look like Dermot O'Leary.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38That's right, yes, in his younger days.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43It's not quite what I expected but I've had an hard day, so have you got somewhere we can go?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Yes, well I thought we'd go to Mrs Evans' tea rooms
0:16:46 > 0:16:50and then I thought we could have a wander round some of the charity shops...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53That's not quite what I had in mind, Scott.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54- Who's Scott?- You are.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, yes.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59How much for a good hard shag?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Myfanwy!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I'm serving Mr Jenkins.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Look, I only hold hands on a first date.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Bloody time-waster.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14I think you'd better get me another Bacardi and Coke please, Myfanwy.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Dafydd Thomas, what are you like? Rent boy indeed.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Yes, I'd better go and see Mrs Jones and ask her to take that advert down.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Yes, first thing tomorrow.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Scott?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Just over there.
0:17:44 > 0:17:50In Gash, Dr Lawrence is showing Dr Begris how one of his patients is progressing.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Oh, goodness it's nearly time.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56This is going to prove just how far Anne's come in the past six months.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58It'll be wonderful for her self confidence.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03It'll also tell everybody a lot about the hospital too.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06But now it's been her dream to be on this show for many years.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Anne.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11APPLAUSE
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Hi Anne, thanks for coming.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- Lovely cardigan.- Thank you.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Tell me, do you have any funny stories that have happened over the years?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23No.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28OK, so, erm, tell me a little bit about the person you're going to be, give us your clues.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31She's originally from Quebec.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35She represented Switzerland in the Eurovision Song Contest.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40She sung the theme tune to Titanic and she's got an old fat husband with a beard.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45OK, so tell us, Anne, who are you going to be tonight?
0:18:45 > 0:18:51- Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Celine Dion.- Celine Dion!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53APPLAUSE
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Good luck, enjoy it.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04She helps out every other Wednesday at a charity shop in Hawley, but tonight, singing live, Anne is...
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Celine Dion!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09APPLAUSE
0:19:18 > 0:19:22MUSIC: "My Heart Will Go On"
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-ah.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33APPLAUSE
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Eh-eh. Eh.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Eh-eeehhhhh.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Eh-eh-ehh!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Eh-eh-eh.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02She sounds quite a lot like her, doesn't she?
0:20:04 > 0:20:11Formerly Dudley Polytechnic, this university was opened by Sir Darren Day in 1994.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Yeah, but can I do my extended essay on modes of sexual discourse
0:20:16 > 0:20:19in the works of Jane Austin? We did study that last term.
0:20:19 > 0:20:25- I don't know what the rules are on this. Martin'll know.- Oh, it's all right I can go to his office.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- No, no, it's better if I phone him. - Oh, OK.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Martin, it's Linda.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I've got Robin Dashwood in front of me.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Wants to know if he can write his extended essay on Jane Austin?
0:20:42 > 0:20:49Robin, you know Robin, lots of jazzy waistcoats, colourful glasses, always smiling.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Puts you in mind of a young Elmer Fudd.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Fell out of the same tree as Duncan Goodhew.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Could be mistaken for a boiled egg.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01That's right - Baldy!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06He says that's fine.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Thanks very much.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Oh, could you come here for a second, Robin.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20That's better.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28These people are what we in Britain fondly call fat pigs.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32In Sessex, Marjory Dawes is hosting her weekly Fat Fighters group meeting.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Hello, Fat Fighters. Hope you've had a good week.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Now, today we're going to be talking about binge eating.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yes, I know the spray tan went wrong.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47So what kind of foods are binge foods?
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Foods that we binge on when we want to have a binge. Yes, Paul?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Terry's Chocolate Orange?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Comes in a big orange wrapper,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- it's like chocolate...- Yes, thank you. I know what it is, yes.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Right.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Chucklet.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I did ask for San Tropez but they gave me Hawaiian Sunset.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Anyone else?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- For me it's fizzy drinks. - What, like Tango?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Fizzy drinks.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Any more?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yes, Mira.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Marmalade.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Sorry, I couldn't understand a word.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33She said marmalade.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Did she?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Conserves.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Any more, any more serious suggestions?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Satsumas.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Satsumas isn't really a binge food.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54No, but it is orange.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56LAUGHTER
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Have you quite finished?
0:23:10 > 0:23:16I'm shocked really that you of all people would pick on someone for the way they look.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20I mean, I may be orange but YOU ARE SUMMIN' ELSE!
0:23:20 > 0:23:25You're fat, oh, man you're fat, you are a big fat thing, you fatty, fatty, fatty!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27New member? Come and take a seat, my love.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31I won't be one moment. Where was I? Oh, yes, fat cow, fat cow,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33FAT...COW!
0:23:37 > 0:23:41If you collect enough tokens on the back of special packets of Cocoa Pops,
0:23:41 > 0:23:45you too can send off and become Prime Minister.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53I hardly need to tell you Prime Minister of the damage
0:23:53 > 0:23:56if the government were found selling arms to Iran.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Robert, that's not what I was doing.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Then where did the Sunday Times get this story from?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Excuse me, Prime Minister.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Look dear, he said he didn't do it, so he didn't do it!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Honestly!
0:24:08 > 0:24:12You don't want a back bench rebellion on this, Prime Minister,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14there's already talk of a leadership challenge.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Such a stirrer.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Sebastian, thank you.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Robert, you have my word on this.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Very well.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27I shall see you at Prime Minister's Questions.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Sebastian, will you show the Chancellor out.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Just cos you want to be Prime Minister.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- I do not.- You do. She does!
0:24:44 > 0:24:51Sebastian, would you lock the door. Come over here, please.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- I have something rather private that I need to show you.- Yes?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Something...
0:25:07 > 0:25:11- quite sensitive.- Mmm.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15It could be potentially very explosive.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Oh, Prime Minister, I want it so bad.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22It's this file.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh, yes, this file, yes.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28I want this file so bad, yes. What is it?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31It's an intelligence file that I need you to destroy for me.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Oh, OK.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Arms deals with Iran.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41- But you just told the Chancellor there were no arms deals with Iran. - Yes.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- You lied.- Yes.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48But I thought you were perfect.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- I need you to shred this. - But if this got out it would...
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Sebastian, please.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Just do this favour for me.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Of course, Prime Minister.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13But first, Prime Minister,
0:26:13 > 0:26:15how about you do a favour for me?
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Don't forget the bottom shelf, Prime Minister.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Air shows in Britain have been taking place since Medieval times.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Although they only really became popular with the invention of the aeroplane.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Hey, Andy, where are you?
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Andy! Andy!
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Oh, excuse me St John's Ambulance lady, sorry to bother you,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I'm looking for my friend Andy, that's his wheelchair.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I can't think what's happened to him.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Well, I can get them to put out a call on the Tannoy.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13- Well, I don't want to cause a whole kafuffle. - Oh, no, no, it's no trouble.
0:27:13 > 0:27:18Well, if you wouldn't mind, I'm a bit worried and I don't want him to miss the Red Arrows.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20You wait here and I'll get them to put out a call.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Oh, well, thank you very much.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh, Andy, where are you?
0:27:25 > 0:27:30- I'm right here.- Oh, there you are.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32I was worried sick.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Is that your parachute or...?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45So we say, "Farewell Little Britain."
0:27:45 > 0:27:50I myself must bounce now, as I did promise my homies that we would
0:27:50 > 0:27:57chill for a bit, have a glass or two of pimp juice and God willing, get ourselves some sweet booty.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Bye-bye!
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Subtitles by Red Bee Media Limited
0:28:03 > 0:28:06E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk