0:00:02 > 0:00:03Britain, Britain, Britain.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06For centuries now, Britishers have shaped the world.
0:00:06 > 0:00:12Mahatma Ghandi, Leonardo da Vinci, Ludwig Van Beethoven, all British.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Even Jesus Christ was from Woking in Surrey.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20But what of the ordinary people folk what sort of lived here, and that?
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Let's meet them.
0:00:21 > 0:00:27Watch us wreck the mic, watch us wreck the mic, watch us wreck the mic, psyche!
0:00:32 > 0:00:37In Britain, if an old person reaches 100, they receive a telegram from the Queen.
0:00:37 > 0:00:44If they reach 200, Her Majesty comes round to their house and personally gives them a bikini wax.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Hello, Mrs Emery.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Oh, hello, dear.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Oh, hasn't he grown!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Yeah, he's 18 months now.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Oh, he's lovely. You still working down the cafe?
0:00:58 > 0:01:03No, I had to give that up, but I'll be able to go back if I can get him into a nursery.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Oh, is there a good one near here?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Erm... I think so.
0:01:12 > 0:01:18My friend Joan, her youngest granddaughter goes to a very good one up by the Barge.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Do you know that one?- Yeah.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I think there's a long waiting list. Is he on the waiting list?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26No, he's not.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Right, nice to see you again, Mrs Emery.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32Oh, hang on a sec, would he like a jelly baby?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I don't really like him having sweets.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Oh, go on, one won't hurt.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- Yeah, all right, there you go. - What do you say?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Oh, he's gone all shy.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I'll see you later, dear.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Oh, mind out.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Must be a leak here or summink.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Ta-ta.
0:01:54 > 0:02:00Transvestism was invented in 1986 by Dr Neil Transvestite, who came upon the idea
0:02:00 > 0:02:06purely by chance when he was investigating nuclear fission theory whilst wearing his wife's nightie.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Two ladies out on a hen night.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Hello!- Good evening, barman.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Yes, gentlemen? - Two sweet sherries, s'il vous plait.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22With lager chasers.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Well, my dear Emily, it is to be your final night as a single lady.
0:02:28 > 0:02:35That's right, Florence, my lady friend, for I'm getting married in the morning to a man.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Well, you would be, being a lady.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41So, I suppose if any man should wish to take advantage of me
0:02:41 > 0:02:47on my one final night of freedom, they should speak up now.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Well, it's still early.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58There you are.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02There's a gay bar down the road. That's where most of the trannies go.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Well, ha-ha-ha, thank you for warning us, barman.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- We don't want to go there, do we? - No, we don't!
0:03:13 > 0:03:17# Get your tits out for the lads. #
0:03:17 > 0:03:21'Ere, barman, our mate here is getting married on Saturday.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26Look at them - they're so drunk they don't know what they're doing.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Yes!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Oh, man, how much did we drink last night?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Dunno, I was bladdered.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Have you seen what I came back with?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- She's a right dog. - Well, you can talk.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Morning.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04It's a crisp Octember morning in Bruise, and Dudley has nipped out for a newspaper.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15MUFFLED CHATTER
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Ting Tong?- Oh, hello, Mr Dudley.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I brought you some flowers.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Oh, you so thoughtful.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Were you, er, talking to somebody?
0:04:28 > 0:04:34- No, Mr Dudley. No, no, I was just making you a traditional Thai breakfast.- Ah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I think I need some HP sauce on that.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Hello.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Ting Tong?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Yes, Mr Dudley?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- There's an elderly Thai lady in the cupboard.- Is there, Mr Dudley?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Yes, yes, there is.
0:04:58 > 0:05:03Oh, yeah, I was gonna tell you. Yeah, that's just my mother. She's come to stay for a little bit.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Mother, this is Mr Dudley I was telling you about.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09SHE SPEAKS THAI
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Ye-e-es. ..What's she saying?
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Oh, she say she very look forward to come live with us.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Excuse us.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Ting Tong, we can't be having your mother living here, it's not gonna work.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- Well, it would only be for a few year. Anyway, she be dead soon.- No.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29I'm sorry Mrs Macadangdang,
0:05:29 > 0:05:31you're gonna have to go.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- You heard what she said. - I don't care what she said,
0:05:47 > 0:05:49she's gonna have to go.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Oh, Mr Dudley.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55No, I'm sorry, I said no.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00Oh, please, Mr Dudley, I'll do anything if you let her stay. Anything.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Anything?
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Maybe she could stay with us tonight at least.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10You, er, got any sisters?
0:06:13 > 0:06:21At Hill Grange Health Spa, one-time body-double for Joan Collins, Bubbles Devere, is on her way to the sauna.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- Hello, Miss Bubbles. - Don't forget I have a mashed potato foot massage at four, darling.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Hello, darling.- Hello.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35I'm quite naked, do you see?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Yeah, I do see that, yeah.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- I need to ask you a question, darling.- What is it?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Why did you leave me, darling, why?
0:06:46 > 0:06:52Well, you know I always found you very attractive, but I preferred you before you lost all that weight.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I know, I'm like a stick now.
0:06:54 > 0:07:00Then Desiree come along and, well, I'm sorry, Bubbles, but there's so much of her to love.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02But Ronald...
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Oh, Bubbles.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- Hello, babies.- Hello.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Not interrupting anything, am I?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16No, we were just talking about old times.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19"Old time", I'll give you "old time".
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Are you looking forward to our synchronised foot massage later?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Yes, I am, yeah.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I hear it's very aphrodisiac-y.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I'll be back, darlings.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Bye-bye, baby.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Must get bigger, must get bigger.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Must get bigger. Must get bigger.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Why don't you take a photo - it'll last longer?
0:07:53 > 0:08:00It's a sad day at St Shaznay's Hospital, as this old man is nearing the end.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And I...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06don't want you to be sad for me.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I've had a wonderful life
0:08:10 > 0:08:15and I love you all... very, very much.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Goodbye.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- Has he gone?- Not just yet.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37How's everybody else?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39All right, yeah.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Lunch all right, was it?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Yes, it was very nice.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48This is...goodbye.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Any minute now.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08May I say...
0:09:08 > 0:09:11how wonderful it is
0:09:11 > 0:09:13to have my family around me
0:09:13 > 0:09:17at the very, very end.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Goodbye.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I must just use the loo before I go.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39The first travel agents in Britain opened in 1976.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Prior to that, people would stay at home and get food poisoning.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48And you've nothing at all going to Lourdes?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Computer says no.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58- Oh, what a shame. - Says it's all pilgrimmed out.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02If you like religion, I can do you a fly-drive to Mecca.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Er, no, I think I'll leave it, thank you.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Hello.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- I've been sat down all day - do you mind if I just stretch my legs? - No, of course.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Right.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39I was, er, watching this film last night, Captain Correlli's Mandolin.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44And I was really wanting to visit the island of Kefalonia where they filmed it.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Computer says no.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54- Oh.- If you're a film fan, I can take you where they filmed Midnight Express.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57No, thank you.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00I've got some rooms in the Towering Inferno.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02No.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07I've got a lovely cruise on the ship where they filmed the Poseidon Adventure.
0:11:07 > 0:11:13- I don't think so.- No, it's not for everybody, it's upside-down.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17I've got a two-for-one deal on a canoeing trip where they filmed Deliverance.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18No, thank you.
0:11:18 > 0:11:25- It says here the locals are very friendly.- Look, I really only do want to go to Kefalonia.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Oh, wasn't some of Captain Correlli filmed in Center Parcs?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I could get you a very good deal there.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35No, look, I'm just gonna leave it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Was none of it filmed on a Club 18-30 holiday to Tenerife leaving Stansted on the 9th?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42No, sorry.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54Because of the fat people, Britain is slowly sinking into the sea.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57An overweight woman in Great Yarmouth
0:11:57 > 0:12:02recently ate a whole packet of custard creams, and half of Norfolk went under.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Right, well, that's about all we've got time for today.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Oh, Marjory?- Yes, my sweetness?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Erm, just to say, me and Paul had some good news. I've just found out that I'm pregnant.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- Oh, congratulations!- Are you sure or have you just been scoffing?
0:12:16 > 0:12:21She's three months gone now, so we're allowed to tell people. We've got the scan picture.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Oh!
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Are you gonna keep it?- Sorry?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- You're not gonna get rid of it? - Of course not.
0:12:28 > 0:12:33- Oh, a bit selfish of you. - For God's sake!- No, fat fighters, I'm only thinking of the baby.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36You know that poor baby is gonna be born a cake addict.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38It's gonna come out and it's gonna have to go through cold chicken.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41No, I'm gonna watch what I eat now that I'm having a baby.
0:12:41 > 0:12:47- Are you sure it's just one? By the look of you, you're gonna have a litter!- We're just having the one.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48It looks fat already.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51It's beautiful. It's our little baby.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56- Do you know what you're going to call it?- Well, it's a he, and no, we haven't decided on a name.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01Oh, I know! This could be a bit of fun here. Why don't we all try and think of names for the baby?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Yeah, that would be nice.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Er, what shall we call it, Meera?
0:13:07 > 0:13:08- John.- What's that, my love?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- John.- What's that, my love?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13John.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- What's that, my love? - John.- What's that, my love? - John.- What's that, my love?
0:13:16 > 0:13:21- John.- What's that, my love? - John.- Whassa, malove?- John.- Whassa?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- JOHN!- John, that's a nice name.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Anyone else? Tania?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Michael.- Oh, that's a nice one.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31It's my husband name.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Oh, yeah, the one who left you cos you got so fat.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Looking at you two, I can't really see it being a Michael or a John.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Ooh, I've got one.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Jabba.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Here in Grubble, Sid Pegg has called a meeting of Neighbour Watch.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Right, welcome to tonight's Neighbour Watch.
0:14:01 > 0:14:07- Thank you all for coming at short notice, but I felt we had to have an emergency meeting.- What's happened?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- I haven't heard anything.- Is there a problem?- Yes, there is a problem.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16- Our old friend the gypsy has moved into the close.- Where are they?
0:14:16 > 0:14:23- Bleedin' bloody hell, Lloyd, they're only camping out on your front lawn. - No, no, that's our caravan.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Me and Susan just bought it.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Stay where you are.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31We still need to be on our guard against the gypsy threat.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33There are swarms of them.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Shall I put the Findus Crispy Pancakes in?
0:14:35 > 0:14:41Yes, wife, Findus Crispy Pancakes go. Now, how do we spot a gypsy?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44A gypo. A gypolata.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Watch and learn.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Number one, your classic gypsy.
0:14:51 > 0:14:58Earring, neckerchief, waistcoat and a look in his eye that says, "I'm gonna tarmac your drive."
0:14:58 > 0:15:03Number two, gypsy Joe Longthorn.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07A sly fox, uses many different voices,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10but mainly Shirley Bassey.
0:15:10 > 0:15:16Number three, the Gypsy Kings - the ACTUAL kings of the gypsies.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Last seen on Sunday Sunday with Gloria Hunniford in 1988.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25But beware, they could be back in the charts at any moment.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30Now we know the enemy, Britain fights back. ..Wife!
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Yes?
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Batchelors Super Noodles, go, Mini Kievs on standby.
0:15:35 > 0:15:42What do we do if a gypsy or a herd of gypsies, as I believe they're known,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44turn up on your doorstep?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Can I have a volunteer, please.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Lloyd, I saw your hand go up.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Thank you, Lloyd. Little Lloyd.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- I don't know if you know Lloyd was actually a contestant on The Weakest Link.- Yes.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Right, well, a quick demo...
0:16:02 > 0:16:09..nstration. Right, now, Lloyd, you are the gypsy, the gypmaster, the gypola.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14Sorry, I must just say I think it's very offensive to talk about gypsies in this way.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Good point, Mrs Vicar.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Let's not be racialist.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22So, you're the filthy gypsy and you're gonna ask me if I wanna buy any clothes pegs.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Do I have to?
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- You know, Lloyd, you've got very arrogant since you were on BBC Two. - Sorry.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I'll be the gypsy, then.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Hello, would you like to buy...?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35No, gypsy, no.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37And it's as simple as that.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Britain fights back.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Thank you, Lloyd. You are the weaker link, goodbye.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Oh, dear - the weaker link, goodbye!
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Right, now, that's gypsies covered.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Next, asylum seekers. No!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- We will NOT touch your bum. ..Wife! - Yes?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Butterscotch Angel Delight, go.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07'Vote Noel Hobkins in tomorrow's election.'
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Here in the charming Welsh village of Llanddewi Brefi,
0:17:11 > 0:17:15bottom enthusiast Daffyd Thomas is standing for election.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Hello, Daffyd. - Good afternoon, Mrs Teal.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- I was just wondering if I could count on your vote tomorrow?- Oh, are you standing in the by election?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33It's not just a bi-election, Mrs Teal, it's for gays and straights too.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Anyone can vote, regardless of sexuality.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41- Honestly, it's like banging your head against a brick wall. - So, who are you standing for?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- The Gay Rights For Gays party. - Oh, that's nice.
0:17:44 > 0:17:50Seeing as I'm the only gay in the village, I shouldn't think anyone would be interested. Good day.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Oh, no, lots of folk round here drop anchor in Poo Bay.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Is that your manifesto? Let's have a look.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- If I'm elected, I promise to turn the park into a 24-hour gay cruising zone.- Yes?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08I shall be knocking down the old folks' home and building a gay sauna.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Hot Bots?
0:18:10 > 0:18:15That's right, and I shall be erecting two statues on the village green there of Colin and Justin.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- Oh, I love their shows. - Oh, do you indeed?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Let me tell you this, Mrs Homophobe, I was watching Makeover Madness only this morning
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- and I've very strong suspicions that at least one of them is a gay. - Oh, no.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- I think they're both full-time bummers.- Well, anyway, thank you for your time, Mrs Teal.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Good luck, Daffyd, you can count on my support.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- Really?- Oh, yes, I'm all for gay rights.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42In fact, I myself drink from the furry cup.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Daffyd?
0:18:48 > 0:18:53In her office, university lecturer Linda Flint is meeting a student.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58I very nearly got into university, but security managed to stop me.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- So that's a problem, is it?- Yeah.
0:19:01 > 0:19:07And there aren't any copies of the Female Eunuch left in the library, so I can't really write the essay.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Oh, well, I've got a copy here.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Great!- But that's mine, I don't want to lend it out.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Martin may have one in his office.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Martin, it's Linda.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Got a student here wants to know if he can borrow your copy of the Female Eunuch.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Steve. You know Steve. He's got a beard, quite tall.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Have you ever seen It Ain't Half Hot Mum?
0:19:40 > 0:19:43He looks like he's just stepped out of the shower.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Think Carmen Miranda without the fruit.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48That's right, Ali Bongo.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51He says go straight up.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55My name's not Ali Bongo.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Sorry, Steve, yes. Steve Bongo.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Newspapers and magazines are very popular in Britain.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10The first magazine ever published was in 1502 - What Hi-fi.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Do you work here?- Yes, I do.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Well, can I be of assistance?
0:20:22 > 0:20:27Hello. I'd like to buy a magazine, please.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Well, we've got lots here.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Do you have Bad Feet Monthly?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- I don't think so. - Athlete's Foot Times?
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Sorry.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Verucca Today?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- I don't think we do.- What Bunion?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- No.- Ingrown Toenail Weekly.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45I've not heard of that one.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49You get a free binder with part one and a sachet of toenail clippings.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I can't help you, I'm afraid.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Do you have any magazines devoted to problem feet?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I'm not sure. One moment.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Margaret, Margaret...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Yes?
0:21:20 > 0:21:25There's a gentleman here wants to know if we have any magazines devoted to problem feet?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Not Celebrity Callous Monthly - I already have that one.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33- Not Celebrity Callous Monthly - he already has that one.- I'm not sure.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36If we do have any, they'll be in the general interest section.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Right, let's have a look.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I can't see any, Margaret.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Just across from What Bin Liner.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48- Right... - Next to the Molester's Review.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Oh, thank you very much, Margaret.
0:21:54 > 0:22:00Yes, I've found it, it was tucked just behind Out Of Date Crisps Periodical.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01There you go.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Foot And Ankle Pain Bonanza.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Well, Roy, what does he reckon?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Well, myself, what do you reckon?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15I'm not going to buy this magazine, I'm afraid.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Oh, what a surprise.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22- Any particular reason?- I'm not interested in ankle pain, I'm only really concerned with foot pain.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Oh, do you suffer from foot pain?- No.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- Are there any magazines here that interest you?- Hello magazine.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Now we're talking.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37No, I was just saying hello to that magazine over there.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- I hate you so much.- I know.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50At Number 10 Downing Street, a group of trade union leaders
0:22:50 > 0:22:55are presenting a petition calling for the Prime Minister's resignation.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- Morning, Prime Minister. - Morning, Sebastian.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Did you have a nice holiday? - Very nice, thank you.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I've got the draft budget from the Chancellor here.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- Thank you Sebastian.- AARGH!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20What's the matter?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27- What's that?- Oh, oh! A moustache, I grew it on holiday.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- I don't like it.- Sarah loves it.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- I don't.- Why not?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35It tickles when you kiss.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40We're not going to kiss.
0:23:42 > 0:23:49Not today, no. But if we were to kiss, for whatever reason, I prefer for you not to have the moustache.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Darling, did I leave my Women's Institute speech in here?- Yes, it's here, it's very good.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Oh, thank you. Hello, Sebastian. - Whatever!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00What do you think of the moustache? He looks dishy, doesn't he?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I dunno, I'm not gay.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07I think it looks great and I think the voters will love it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I don't think they'll vote for you any more.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11People don't vote for me because of the way I look.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- They vote because they like my policies, don't they?- Erm...
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Right, well, I've got to dash, darling, I'll be late. ..Ooh!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Oh, get a room!
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Sebastian, I've called off all my other meetings this afternoon
0:24:29 > 0:24:33so you and I can thrash out this budget proposal together.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34I'm not bothered now.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38But you said you loved it when we work closely together.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Yeah, yeah, I did, but...moustache.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Oh, if that's the way you feel, I'll get someone else. ..Could you ask Gregory to come to my office, please?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- 'Yes, Prime Minister.'- Thank you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:55By the way, Sarah's away for the weekend, so I thought you and I could go down to Chequers
0:24:55 > 0:24:57and work on this election strategy.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03I don't fancy you!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Hello, Sebastian, Prime Minister.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Morning, Gregory. - Oh, I love the moustache!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Have him.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22In the charming village of Pox, just outside Little Stool,
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Judith Pike and Margaret Blackamore are enjoying a walk.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Women shouldn't be allowed to vote.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Yes, I think I see your point.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Oh, look there's Marion. Hello, Marion.- Hello ladies. Lovely dog.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Thank you - George, yes.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- He's an Old English Sheepdog, pure pedigree.- He's lovely.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Oh, and yours is beautiful. ..Aren't you, eh? Eh?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46What's the breed?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48She's a Chinese dog. A Shitzu.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Maggie, no.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16There's a good boy. Come along now. See you at church on Sunday.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28Frisbees were invented in 1928 by society beauty Lady Lucinda Frisbee
0:26:28 > 0:26:31to relieve the boredom between the wars.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- Well done.- What happens now?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- You throw it back.- Yeah, I know.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Didn't quite catch that one.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47You've got to really throw it.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Yeah, I know.- Here, have another go.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Oh no! The Frisbee is stuck up the pylon.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Go and get it, then.- No, I can't.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06- The pylon carries electric currents, it would be very dangerous. - Yeah, I know.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Have to leave it there.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Let's think of another game to play. - Want me Frisbee.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I'll see if I can find someone to help.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18You wait there.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Excuse me.
0:27:20 > 0:27:26- Are you the farmer?- Yes, I am. - We've got a little problem, we've got a Frisbee stuck up a pylon.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Well, I've just come to tell you this is private property.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33My friend here is in a wheelchair and he likes nothing more than a game of Frisbee.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- He loves playing the Frisbee - that's him, you know. - That's academic really, yeah.
0:27:37 > 0:27:43We need a pole, attached to another pole, attached to another pole, attached to another pole...
0:27:43 > 0:27:47- Sorry about that. - Thank you very much, you've been very helpful.- My pleasure.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49- All right.- Bye-bye.- Bye.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Nice man.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Oh, it came down, did it? Good.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04There's a strange smell of burning fat.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06- CROAKY:- Yeah, I know.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Alas, our journey round Little Britain is at an end.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16What an illuminating voyage it has been.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20I must go now, as I'm just about to reach orgasm.
0:28:20 > 0:28:21Good cry!
0:28:25 > 0:28:28E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk