0:00:02 > 0:00:04Britain, Britain, Britain.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06The land that gave the world so much.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11Mad cow disease, happy slapping and Sky One's Dream Team.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14But who are what live here, sir?
0:00:14 > 0:00:18Come with me as we meet the inhabitants of Little Britain.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Do you really like it?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Is it wicked?
0:00:22 > 0:00:26We're lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it, we're lovin' it like that.
0:00:30 > 0:00:36This is Vicky Pollard, she's one of Britain's most beautiful women.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Are you the news Asian?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- Yeah.- Do you like do the lottery here or summing?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Yeah, you can buy your ticket here.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- Yeah, but I don't need to cos I've actually, like, won.- Really? - Yeah, I got my ticket right here.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50And it was a Saturday one, not a Wednesday one,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53cos the money's well nuffin' on a Wednesday, it's like only a million quid.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57I've definitely won it and if Coleen McGovern says I'm lying then don't listen to her,
0:00:57 > 0:01:00cos she's got one of them nut allergies, cos one time we was all round the back of Nando's
0:01:00 > 0:01:02and I gave her a peanut Revel, only I told her it was a coffee one,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and she ate it and she had to go to hospital and she nearly died
0:01:04 > 0:01:09and she well blamed me for it and I'm like, "It's not my fault you're so gay you can't even eat a peanut."
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- You've made this yourself. - No but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but...
0:01:13 > 0:01:1520 Bensons, please.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19..Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but
0:01:19 > 0:01:22I did but I didn't but I did but I didn't because I couldn't
0:01:22 > 0:01:25because I was actually busy doing two million hours community service
0:01:25 > 0:01:28and anyway, I couldn't have made it myself, actually,
0:01:28 > 0:01:33- because I can't read or write because I'm like totally lexdixlec. - Stop wasting my time.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Oh, my God, I so can't believe you just said that!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39You actually owe me £50 billion or summing or nuffin'!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Your ticket is not valid.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- All right, ten million quid and a bag of Discos.- Out.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Five hundred quid and a Kinder Surprise?- Go.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- Four pack of Breezers? - No.- Chomp?- No.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Bag of Skips and I'll give you a gob job.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58Oh, my God, you have so lost a good customer! I am always in here robbing.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02I didn't even want it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And as for that...
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Over at Hill Grange, former mistress of Prince Philip, Bubbles DeVere,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15is undergoing some acupuncture.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I'll tell you, Gita, I can't wait to see the back of both of them.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Just as well, Miss Bubble, because I just saw them leaving.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23What?
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Dreadful place... Revolting...
0:02:27 > 0:02:30If we could have the luggage in the Merc, please.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33So you're leaving us early, Mr DeVere?
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- Yeah, I'm afraid so.- Yes, that bitch has ruined our honeymoon.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Darling, don't make a scene.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I'll make a scene if I want to, babby!
0:02:41 > 0:02:45You didn't even come to say goodbye.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I was going to.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52I thought it's better if we just slipped away.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53I see.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Goodbye then, Roman.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Goodbye, Bubbles.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Hold me, Roman, one last time!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- I can't.- Why not, darling?
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- Because you're covered in needles. - But Roman!
0:03:15 > 0:03:19He's staying with me, babby, he's mine, all mine!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Nyah-ha-hah! Nyah-ha-hah! Nyah-ha-hah!
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Nyah!
0:03:27 > 0:03:33Britain can proudly boast the dirtiest beaches, the most disappointing views
0:03:33 > 0:03:39and some of the flattest hills in the world, but still some Britons choose to book holidays abroad.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44I'd like a round-the-world cruise please, leaving in March,
0:03:44 > 0:03:49returning September, travelling first class for about £700.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Computer says yes!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00HE COUGHS
0:04:07 > 0:04:11ANDY: # What's the story, Balamory, wouldn't you like to know... #
0:04:11 > 0:04:16Meanwhile, in Herby, Lou has something upsetting to tell Andy.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18How's your toast?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Too buttery.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27Now, remember I told you my mum was very ill...
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Yeah, I know.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Well, I'm sorry to say that she passed off during the night.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I can't see the telly.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Oh, sorry.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41So I'm gonna have to go back to the Isle of Wight for a few days,
0:04:41 > 0:04:46- to look after my dad and sort out all the funeral arrangements. - So selfish! What about me?
0:04:46 > 0:04:51Well, I've spoken to Social Services and arranged some temporary cover for the week.
0:04:51 > 0:04:57- But I like it when you're here. - Well, I'm sure the lady they'll be sending will be very nice.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- KNOCK AT DOOR - Ooh, she's early.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Hello, you must be Mrs Mead.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Yes, yes, I've no time for niceties, where is he? - Oh, just through here.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Good morning, Mr Pipkin.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Andy, this is Mrs Mead.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I don't like her.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Come on, Andy, don't be rude.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I don't care whether he likes me or not.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Well, I'd better be off.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Here are the keys, Mrs Mead, I'll call you in a few days.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Bye, Andy.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Don't go.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34This place is a pig sty.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37We're going to clear it up.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40You do the bottom shelf and I'll do the top.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Come on!
0:05:46 > 0:05:52Next, we visit Old Haven, where transvestite Emily Howard is relaxing at home with a book.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57I like to relax by saying cruel and hurtful things to my elderly mother.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- DOORBELL - One moment, dear.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Oh... Florence.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11It's, er, Fred.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14What are you dressed as? You look most peculiar.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- We need to talk. - Well, come in, then.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Look, I can't stop.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I just came to say goodbye, really.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Goodbye?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Me wife came home and found me trying on her wedding dress.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29She hit the roof. She says she's had enough.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31But together we fooled the world!
0:06:31 > 0:06:37Everywhere we went, people were enchanted by our feminine charms and beauty and shit.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- You were always better at it than me, anyway.- But we had...
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Look, Maureen's in the car, I'd better go. Sorry.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49Oh, one moment. I have something for you.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- What is it?- Un petit moment.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55CAR HORN HONKS
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Come on, Fred. - I won't be a minute, love.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Oh, it's silk.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Yes, antique.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Well, it's very nice but I couldn't possibly.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- DEEP VOICE:- You love it. You know you love it.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Well, perhaps I...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19HIGH VOICE: ..could just try it on for a moment.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- Come in, Florence, my dear! - Thank you, my lady, thank you!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- Maureen!- Yes?
0:07:29 > 0:07:35If you are a young person who wishes to eat only chilli con carne for three years
0:07:35 > 0:07:40and then spend the rest of your life in debt, why not go to university?
0:07:40 > 0:07:45I just want to defer a year because I decided to run for student union president.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Oh, well, good luck.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51I think there's a form you need to fill in. Martin'll know.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Martin, it's Linda.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Is there a form you need to fill in if you want to defer a year?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03It's Roland Barrel.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06How can I describe him?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Glasses, colourful shirts...
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Not keen on salad.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Think Eddie Murphy in The Klumps.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Makes you want to say, "Roland, I only want to help you, Roland."
0:08:19 > 0:08:23He'd make a great Barry White in Stars In Their Eyes.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26That's right, fatty fatty bum bum.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28He says, go straight up.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Thanks a lot(!)
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Pleasure.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35SHE SINGS: # Hey, fatty bum bum
0:08:35 > 0:08:38# Sweet sugar dumpling... #
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Mary Mother of God, look at that.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44This candlestick holder is filthy,
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- it looks like it's never been cleaned at all.- Yeah, I know.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52You've been in that there chair for many years, have you?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Yeah.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58The Lord works in mysterious ways.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00And you've no feeling in your legs whatsoever?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03No.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04You can't feel this?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08No.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10What about this?
0:09:12 > 0:09:13No.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15And not even this?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20No.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Poor thing.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Right, I need some more Brasso.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Ow! Ow! Ow!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36If you think you might become ill in six weeks' time,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39then why not book an appointment today with your local GP.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Carla, would you bring the next patient in, please. Thank you.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Ah, Mrs Emery. Nice to see you again.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- Hello, Doctor. It's bitter out.- Yes.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55- So, what seems to be the trouble? - I've got a bit of a problem, Doctor.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- Right.- It's my knee, it's a little bit sore.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04Well, we'd better have a look at you, hadn't we? Stand up over here.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05Right...
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Ah, yes, it does look a little swollen.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Have you banged it at all?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Well, the other night I knelt down
0:10:14 > 0:10:17to change the television channel
0:10:17 > 0:10:21and I must have put too much weight on it because I felt something go.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- Are you sure it's just the knee that's troubling you? - Yeah, just the knee, Doctor.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Well, if you can just sit down for a moment, please.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Oh, that's a nice painting, is it a Turner?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Er, yes, yes, it is. Please...
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Oooh! Chair's a bit damp.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Yes. Well, I'm going to give you Floroxidicillin, which is an anti-inflammatory.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49If the swelling hasn't gone down within a week, come back and see me again.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Oh, thank you, Doctor.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Mrs Emery,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59are you sure there's nothing else troubling you?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I can't think of anything.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05A bit of water retention but otherwise I'm fine. Cheerio!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12No, this isn't a zoo.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14These are not elephants.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17They are in fact human beings.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Yeah, don't get too carried away, she's still a monster.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25As we pay our final visit to Fat Fighters.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28She's such a pretty face, hasn't she...in the middle there.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Oh, you've gone up two pounds.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Oh, dear, it's not easy, is it?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Do you wanna somehow drag yourself back to your seat?
0:11:39 > 0:11:45See, your problem is, Pat, you're a classic yo-yo dieter, you go up and down.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48See, you've got your good foods over here,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51you've got your lettuce, your Ryvita, your dust.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55And over here you've got your bad food, your chocolate, your crisps, your cake.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Oh, man, she fat because she love de cake!
0:11:57 > 0:12:02Here's you stuck in the middle, yo-yoing between the two.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Marjorie, you've drawn me as a pig.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Oh, sorry.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16D'you know what, I don't need this any more.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20I'm not losing weight, every time I come you're horrible to me.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- I've had enough. - What, eh? Don't go.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Well, apologise. Say sorry, then.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Say what?- Say sorry.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32What?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Say sorry.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- No, I can't, do it again.- Say sorry.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Do it again.- Say sorry.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Do it again.- Say sorry.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- Do it again.- Just say sorry to her!
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Oh, you want me to say sorry. Well, why didn't you say that?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- I did.- Do it again.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49- I did.- Do it again.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- I did.- Do it again.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- I did.- Do it again.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- I'm waiting for an apology. - I'll come back to you, my love.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- I don't see why you can't just say sorry.- Yeah, come on.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I can, I can say sorry.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Well, go on, then.- Well, I'm gonna say it any minute now.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Well, say it.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- I'm about to.- Go on.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13(..Sss...ry...)
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- Didn't hear that. - Well, I said it, so...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Well, we didn't hear it either. Come on, let's go.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23I'm gonna say it...
0:13:30 > 0:13:36Pat, I am very sorry...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38that you're so fat!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Oh, no! It just came out!
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- I'm not putting up with this, come on.- You're so rude.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Don't worry, we are not coming back. - Do it again.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Huh!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I need some new members.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Back in her office, Linda is taking a tea break.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Mmm! Lovely biscuit.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12KNOCK AT DOOR
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Come in.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Hello, what's all this about?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- We've come to complain. - About what?
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- About the way you talk about us all. - It's really insulting.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I don't know what you mean. What have I said?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Ching Chong Chinaman.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Fatty fatty bum bum.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Molly the mole. - Ali Bongo.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Mick Hucknall.- Magnum PI.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- Oompa Loompa.- Big fat lesbian.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Baldy!
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Your point being?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57The point is that we want to make an official complaint.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Well, I'm shocked.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Let's get Martin down here now and sort out this awful mess.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Martin, it's Linda.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I've got the whole cast of Fraggle Rock here.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18They're not happy.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Do you keep a used tissue up your sleeve?
0:15:23 > 0:15:28If so, you are an old person and probably live in a home like this.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- Hello, Mr Jeffreys, how are we today? - Oh, pretty good.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35- Are you having trouble with that? - Oh, no...- Let me help you.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Mmm, that's better.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Mmm...
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Oh, thank you.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56You barely touched your stew.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57There's your pudding.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- I'm not good with fruit. - It's good for you.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Lou always lets me have a choc ice.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Lou's not here, is he?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06And I'm allowed to watch Des And Mel.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09There'll be no Des in this flat and no Mel, neither.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Television rots the mind.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13We'll make our own entertainment.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Two, three, four...
0:16:16 > 0:16:20# Onward Christian soldiers
0:16:20 > 0:16:22# Marching as to war... #
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Don't like it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:30# With the cross of Jesus going on before... #
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Please stop.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34# As the royal master
0:16:34 > 0:16:37# Leads against the foe... #
0:16:37 > 0:16:38You're making me ears hurt now.
0:16:38 > 0:16:45# Forward into battle See his banners go... #
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Now...
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Let us pray.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Oh, God.
0:16:53 > 0:16:59Now we return to Llanddewi Brefi and the local pub of bum-troubler Dafydd Thomas.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Hello, Dafydd. Bacardi and Coke?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10No, thank you, Myfanwy, I've not stopped by for a drink. I've come to say goodbye.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14- Oh, yes?- Yes, Myfanwy,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17I'm leaving the village. Forever.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Forever?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Llanddewi Brefi is not the place for an out gay man.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Yeah, I'm gay, get over it!
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- Well, where are you going?- London.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33With my physique, I'll be able to get myself a job as a go-go dancer.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Well, where are you gonna stay? - At the YMCA.
0:17:37 > 0:17:43Apparently, you can have a good meal, you can get yourself clean and you can hang out with all the guys.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Well, good for you, Dafydd.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48I'm gonna live the gay dream, Myfanwy.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I'm gonna go to gay bars and drink gay drinks.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I'm gonna ride gay buses and if I get peckish, Myfanwy,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I'll just open up a packet of gay biscuits!
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- Gay biscuits?- This is London, Myfanwy, everything's gay.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05And you're sure it's what you really want?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Oh, Myfanwy, I've known I was gay since I was 22.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11It's all I've ever dreamed of.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Come on then, I'll walk you to the station.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Thank you, Myfanwy.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Well, I'm going, everybody.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Well done, you've won, a victory for the bigots.
0:18:25 > 0:18:32I wonder how many more beautiful young gay men will be driven away from this village by your scorn.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Well, none, obviously, cos I am the only one.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41This case is quite heavy, Dafydd.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46Well, it would be, yes, Myfanwy, but I'm a gay, you see, I can't really carry heavy objects.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49No.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Well, I'm gonna miss you but I guess you're doing the right thing.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58Just think, this time tomorrow you could be in a nightclub heaving with young men, like G.A.Y.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Is that a gay club?- Yes, I think so.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Well, I don't think I'll be going out on the first night, Myfanwy.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Oh, you've gotta get out there, Dafydd, have yourself a bit of todger.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I don't think that's going to happen.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Of course it is, there's loads of gay guys in London.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- You won't be the only gay in the village any more.- No?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19No, it'll be brilliant.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Right, well, this is as far as I can go.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Good luck, Dafydd.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Don't forget to write.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Goodbye, Myfanwy.
0:19:43 > 0:19:49It doesn't look like I'm gonna get to London after all, I just missed the last train.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- PA:- 'The last train to London will be arriving at platform one in five minutes.'
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Bacardi and Coke?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Yes, please, Myfanwy.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I'll go tomorrow.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Yes, course you will.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Take that.
0:20:18 > 0:20:25In Gash, just adjacent to the town of Cocoa Passage, is this hospital run by Doctor Lawrence.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Well, we always celebrate Christmas here at the hospital
0:20:28 > 0:20:33and this year one of our patients, Anne, has very kindly offered to decorate the day room.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Have you met Anne?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Hm, well it's just through here, let's see how she's getting on.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Hello, Anne, how you getting on?
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Eh, eh, ehhhhh!
0:20:49 > 0:20:55- Have you done the tree?- Eh, eh, ehh! - What have you decorated it with?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Eh, eh, ehhhh.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Fish fingers, that's...different.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Well, thank you very much, Anne.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Eh, eh, eh...
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Anne's got some mistletoe.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- Do you want to kiss Doctor Beagris? SHYLY:- Eh, eh, eh...
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Oh, you don't mind, do you?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Don't you just love Christmas?
0:21:36 > 0:21:42It's approaching Nightington and in Bruise, man Dudley Punt is on his way home.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44# Talking, talking, happy talk
0:21:44 > 0:21:47# Talk about things you'd like to do... #
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Ting Tong, I'm home!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Ting Tong!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Table for one, sir?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- What the hell's going on? - Please take a seat, sir.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I'm afraid we out of Tom Yam soup.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Where's Ting Tong? I want to see Ting Tong.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I think manageress is busy, but I will check for you.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Hello Mr Dudley, I take it everything to your liking?
0:22:20 > 0:22:25No, it bloody isn't, you've turned me bloody flat into a Thai bloody palace!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Please, Mr Dudley, we do have other diners.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- I only nipped out to the offie! - That was lovely, thank you.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Oh, thank you, please come again.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35No, don't come again! Ting Tong Macadangdang, we need to talk.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40I terribly sorry Mr Dudley, we have a crisis in the kitchen with the sticky rice balls.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- My brother here look after you. - Brother?
0:22:42 > 0:22:47- The kitchen about to close, sir, are you ready to order? - I don't want anything!
0:22:47 > 0:22:52In that case, thank you very much, sir, please come again soon.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Thank you, sir.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59The mints are for customers only.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Sorry.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Thank you, sir.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23# Happy talking, talking Happy talk... #
0:23:24 > 0:23:27After a brief photo call with his wife...
0:23:27 > 0:23:29PHOTOGRAPHER: Give him a kiss!
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Go on, give him a kiss!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Oh, sorry, I thought you meant me, sorry!
0:23:37 > 0:23:42..the Prime Minister has a long overdue meeting with the Chancellor.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- So, the time has come.- Yes, I know.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- We had a deal, Prime Minister. - And I'll stick to it.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I'll announce my resignation and the party will vote for the new leader.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55You should be Prime Minister by the end of the week.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57What?!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Robert and I had a deal that I would stand down before the next election.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Yeah, but you didn't mean it, did you?- I gave him my word.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I want the transition of power to run as smooth as possible.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Sebastian, you will now work for me.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15No, thanks, I'm staying with Michael.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I'm retiring from politics, I'm afraid, Sebastian.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20The new Prime Minister will be Robert.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- I don't like him.- Why not?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Well, he's all fat and Scottish.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Very well, it looks like you'll be leaving government too, Sebastian.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Prime Minister, I shall see you in the Commons at four.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38And I shall make my announcement then, thank you, Robert.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Sebastian, would you like to show the new Prime Minister out?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Thank you so much, Sebastian, for everything.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56So, this is goodbye, then?
0:24:56 > 0:24:57I'm afraid so.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Oh, Sebastian, please don't cry. - It's all right, I'm not going to.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Noooo!
0:25:04 > 0:25:08HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Sebastian, please.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15SPEECH UNINTELLIGIBLE THROUGH SOBS
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I understand.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25SPEECH UNINTELLIGIBLE
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Here.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33LOUD BLOW
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Can I keep this?- Yes.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Whenever I have a good blow, I'll think of you.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Thank you, Sebastian.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51I wasn't going to give this to you just yet
0:25:51 > 0:25:56but it seems like the right moment. I got it when I was at the summit last week in Switzerland.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Thank you,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03it's...beautiful.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08It's the least I can do, Sebastian.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Actually Prime Minister...
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I've got something for you.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Really?- Yeah.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21But you didn't know I was leaving.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24(Shh...
0:26:24 > 0:26:27(Close your eyes, it's a surprise.)
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Can I open them yet?
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Yes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Darling, do you want to come with me to the press...
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- Sorry, we're in the middle of some important government business.- OK.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Right, where were we?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Can you push me?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08No, no, you have to learn to wheel yourself.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10It's good exercise for you.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- I wanna go home.- Come on, there's only another two miles to go.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18I think that Lou has been far too soft on you.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Oh, yes, things are going to be different from now on.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25You've got into bad habits.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27If you ask me, I see no reason now
0:27:27 > 0:27:30why you can't do your own cooking and cleaning,
0:27:30 > 0:27:35and that TV is going off and staying off, and no more chocolate or potato crisps.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Why don't you get yourself a job? There's plenty of things you can do.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42First thing tomorrow, I'll take you down to the Job Centre...
0:27:56 > 0:28:01And so, another series of Little Britain comes to an end.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03A nation weeps.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Why, even Her Majesty the Queen is said to be a fan.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10If you're watching, Queen, I hope you enjoy the show, Ma'am,
0:28:10 > 0:28:14and oh, yes, next time you are opening Parliament,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18why not pop one out? They look like beauties.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Good, good.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Andy, it's Lou!
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Lou!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43I'm home.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Yeah, I know.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I'll put your tea on.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:01 > 0:29:04E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk