0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Sorry, dude...
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- Where the hell are my headphones? - I think you're wearing them, mate.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12D'oh!
0:00:12 > 0:00:18- Take a wild guess who designed these.- You?- Take a wilder guess.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21- Dr Dre?- No... It was me.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Where did you get all the material?
0:00:23 > 0:00:25My little niece has got one of those furry pencil cases.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26She don't any more!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- Can you actually hear anything in those?- Not from the outside.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30What about the inside?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38- What the fuck is he wearing?- His new headphones. Completely soundproof.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- So he can't hear anything? - No. Nothing at all.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59That's good, isn't it?
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Did you get any of that?
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Like I said. Completely soundproof.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:36 > 0:01:38This is Live At The Electric! Welcome.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41CHEERING
0:01:41 > 0:01:45# Welcome! Welcome to the show! Welcome, welcome, welcome. #
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Now, tonight, you lucky-lubed comedy holes,
0:01:47 > 0:01:52I present not just me doing stand-up - eff that with a conventionally shaped rod, no!
0:01:52 > 0:01:57It's some of the finest sketch and character comedy
0:01:57 > 0:01:59you can find performing in the UK.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04We're ready to rock.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07The gay glitter guns of mirth are loaded and firing,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10and Liza Minnelli is dancing an effing jig of delight,
0:02:10 > 0:02:11while Dale Winton looks on,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14knocking one out into a supermarket trolley. Yeah?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18"Think of the fun YOU could be having..." SPLAT!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21That's the beautiful thing about doing comedy
0:02:21 > 0:02:25in the United Kingdom, is it unites the classes, it seems to.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Whereas as soon as we're back out on the streets,
0:02:27 > 0:02:28it's not fashionable,
0:02:28 > 0:02:31but there still seems to be a class system in place.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I have a tale to prove the class system exists.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37It happened to me not very long ago, and it takes place on a train,
0:02:37 > 0:02:38in the first-class carriage.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Four trains had been cancelled - it was absolutely packed.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46And I got the last seat in first class. Even first class was full - imagine it, Molly.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And there I was minding my own business,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52and that would just be a pathetic little tale
0:02:52 > 0:02:54of a chav who got lucky on a first-class train
0:02:54 > 0:02:59if someone else had not walked on - rotund, very posh woman.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01So posh, she's got pheasants hanging off her belt.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05"Excuse me, that one's rather gamey, it seems to have bumped into you."
0:03:05 > 0:03:09And as the train's pulling out she started staring at me, really viciously just staring.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Staring at the side of my head. I realise she wanted me to be a polite young man
0:03:13 > 0:03:14and give my seat up. She wasn't disabled,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17and you can't say, "You seem to be overweight.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19"Why don't you take the weight off your fat ass!"
0:03:21 > 0:03:24So I just sat there, and other people on the carriage
0:03:24 > 0:03:26were sensing, "This is getting awkward.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29"Please, no conflict. Oh, my God, please...
0:03:29 > 0:03:32"Looking out of the windows..."
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I thought, she's going to have a go at me for being rude.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36And I've been brought up properly,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39I've been brought up mostly by women, powerful aunts, nans and mums.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40My arse is this far off the seat,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I'm just about to do the correct thing
0:03:43 > 0:03:45and give up my seat for the older woman,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48when I've realised with horror the truth of what she thinks,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51because she's leant in, and she said this.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55"Excuse me, young man. Are you quite sure you're in the correct section?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00"It's just that this is a... first-class carriage."
0:04:00 > 0:04:05"Yes, I know it is. That's why I'm sitting in it."
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Working-class people become more musical when they're angry.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- SING-SONG TONE:- "I know it IS... That's why I'm sitting in it.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14"Bring the harp out, Dave."
0:04:14 > 0:04:16And I've done it loud as well.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Some of the people, one old guy actually used magic -
0:04:19 > 0:04:22"Expelliarmus!" He disappeared.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25That's how awkward it was.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30That's the end of it. Do you know what she said next? She said this.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32"Show me your ticket."
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Now - this is where I could feel my temper bubbling, right?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I said to her, "Look, there's no way I'm showing you my ticket."
0:04:42 > 0:04:43She went, "No, no.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46There's no need to lose your temper, we won't have foul language.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49"Tell me where you're travelling to.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I said, "Cambridge. Not that it's any of your f..."
0:04:51 > 0:04:53She went, "No, we won't have foul language.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56"I too...am travelling to Cambridge."
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Not, "I'm travelling to Cambridge too." Listen to the grammar -
0:04:59 > 0:05:01"I, too, am travelling to Cambridge."
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I've had contact with ancient languages
0:05:03 > 0:05:05whose grammars are different.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07"I too am travelling to Cambridge!" She said this in a loud voice
0:05:07 > 0:05:10that rung like a bill through the rest of the carriage. She said,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13"What I'm going to do is get off the train with you in Cambridge,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17"walk you to do barriers, and announce to the inspectors where you were sitting.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20"Then we'll see if you've got a first-class tickets, won't we?"
0:05:20 > 0:05:22LAUGHTER
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Now as the train was rolling into Cambridge, right?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Someone else stood up. Remember how small these carriages are.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32He's risen up. A posh, fat, Indian doctor, he turned out to be.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36We spoke afterwards. He's risen up out of his seat.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Clearly the scene that has played out
0:05:38 > 0:05:40has reminded him of something from his youth.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42It probably translated into race terms.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Some sort of Gandhi chucked off a train moment.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48He is angry on my behalf at the small-minded prejudice.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51He said this in a loud voice. I nearly died of embarrassment.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55The finger went up, pointed at me, and he said at this woman's face,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57"Why don't you leave him alone?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59He's a comedian and he belongs here!"
0:05:59 > 0:06:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I'm like, "Please leave me alone!"
0:06:03 > 0:06:05LAUGHTER
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Next to him is a silver-haired man in his 60s,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10watching everything play out.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Daily Telegraph on the table,
0:06:12 > 0:06:14ticket on his Telegraph, ticket side up in the holder.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17That's the mistake he made, right?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20So the finger has gone round and rested on the guy.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21"Leave him alone. He's a comedian."
0:06:21 > 0:06:24He said, "This is the gentleman you should be questioning!"
0:06:24 > 0:06:26"This chap here."
0:06:26 > 0:06:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:28 > 0:06:32I swear to God. This silver-haired guy stood up and said,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34"Yes, I've got a standard class ticket. What of it?"
0:06:34 > 0:06:36And ran out, like that.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I've never seen anything like it in my life.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40LAUGHTER
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Awesome.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to make such noise
0:06:48 > 0:06:50that your eardrums perforate
0:06:50 > 0:06:52and blood trickles down your smiling faces
0:06:52 > 0:06:55as we appreciate Jigsaw!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:03 > 0:07:05DOOR OPENING
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Hey, man.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- I'm so glad you're home. - Good to see you too.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Listen, I just got off the phone to the police.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13The police?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17- It's about your parents.- It can't be. They're in South America.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Yeah, I know they are, mate. I don't know how to tell you this.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25They've been kidnapped. They say your dad's been executed.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Sorry, have you farted?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- Did you blow off? - Yeah, I was a bit nervous.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, God. Oh, oh, God!
0:07:36 > 0:07:41- They've still got your mum. - Phew! Hang on.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- OK, go on.- They want money. They say they're going to hurt her.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I think their threats are real.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48It's no good. It's not filtering it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51You have got serious problems!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Oh, sorry.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Oh!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Er...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Ha ha ha ha ha.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38BOTH: Argh!
0:08:39 > 0:08:44Get off! Get... Argh!
0:09:26 > 0:09:27THEY CRY
0:09:31 > 0:09:34APPLAUSE
0:09:36 > 0:09:40And now, folks, if you like mash and you like episodes,
0:09:40 > 0:09:44you're really going to love Two Episodes Of Mash!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46APPLAUSE
0:09:52 > 0:09:54CHEERING
0:10:02 > 0:10:04All right?
0:10:04 > 0:10:05Um...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- I'm Joe. This is Diane.- Hello.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Uh, this is our bit. Uh...
0:10:13 > 0:10:17We're, uh, we're very... chuffed to be here.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18SMALL CHEER
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Aren't we?
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Yeah.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24MUTTERS: Fuck's sake.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- What's it... Look.- What?- What's that?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34It's one of those magic eye posters.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You know, if you stare at it and squint,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40you can see a picture of us riding a unicorn.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I can't... I can't, I can't see.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Keep looking.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52It's in there.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54LAUGHTER
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I can't, I can't see it.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Well, everyone else can.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- Really?- Yeah.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08That's brilliant.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10LAUGHTER
0:11:12 > 0:11:16- Well, let's do the first sketch. That's fucking brilliant.- OK, um...
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- I spy...- Oh, I Spy!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- I Spy, I Spy. - With my little eye...- Yeah.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Something beginning with R.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27R! It's on R! It's an R!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29An R! It's an R!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33R... It's an R! It's an R!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Um...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Oh, it's...ROOF OF MY MOUTH!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39No.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- It's an R, but it's not roof of my mouth?- No.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46What is it, then?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Roof of my mouth!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Roof of...er, roof of my...
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Roof of my...! Oh...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- Racks! Rifle range!- No.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Roof of my mouth.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Roof of my mouth. Ruh... It's hard!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18It's a ruh but it's not roof of my mouth! Roof of my mouth...
0:12:29 > 0:12:31It's redundancy.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38There's never a good way to give bad news, is there?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42The first one, the first one. That's the first one.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:12:48 > 0:12:51BAND PLAYS "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Hello, Britain. This is Hari Kondabolu and I'm an American.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Today, I'm going to be looking at
0:12:56 > 0:13:01the people that make your country what it is - your famous Britannians.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Are you all under the mistaken impression that Piers Morgan is famous in America?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Is that what he's telling you here?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Sometimes I think the only person I can trust in this country is Adele
0:13:11 > 0:13:14and I'm not really sure if I can trust her either.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Do you really want to find someone like me
0:13:16 > 0:13:19or are you just fucking with my brain?
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Doctor Who? More like Dr Who Gives A Fuck! Am I right?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26No? You all love him here? OK.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30One Direction have now invaded America.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Why did their one direction have to be west?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Simon Cowell is arguably the most famous Brit in the US.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Since arriving in the UK, I've discovered how proud you are of him.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42"Mate, he's a wanker!"
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Wanker? That means he masturbates, right?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47And this is an insult here?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Adorable.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Good night, Britain.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53APPLAUSE
0:13:55 > 0:14:00Show your appreciation for a further helping of Two Episodes Of Mash!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:14:12 > 0:14:13The second one.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23"GRANDSTAND THEME" PLAYS
0:14:54 > 0:14:56HE SNIFFS
0:14:59 > 0:15:01HE SOBS
0:15:10 > 0:15:13HE BREAKS DOWN SOBBING
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- You really miss Grandstand, don't you, Joe?- Yeah.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27That's it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:15:31 > 0:15:35And at the moment, dude, you're not shining.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40- What do you mean?- You've got to build an identity, i.e. e.g...
0:15:40 > 0:15:43MAKES NOISE OF A HYDRAULIC ARM
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Yeah, well, I guess some people don't re...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Can you see anything in those?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Not as much as I'd like.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Tsss...
0:15:55 > 0:16:00Point is, when I'm rocking these bad boys, I stand out in the crowd.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04I'm a crowd-surfer. Have you ever been crowd-surfing?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Yeah.- Well, I have. Glastonbury, 2009.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- Got crowd-surfed right out the back of the tent.- Was that fun?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14No. Someone actually fingered me. It was horrible.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Point is, after that, everyone on the campsite knew my name.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22The finger guy! What do you think people call you around here?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I dunno. Tom?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29They call you dickhead.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Really?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Unless they're shouting it at me.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38APPLAUSE
0:16:41 > 0:16:43MAN SOBS
0:16:50 > 0:16:54SOBBING TURNS TO INSANE LAUGHTER
0:17:36 > 0:17:39THEY BREATHE HEAVILY
0:18:00 > 0:18:02LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:07APPLAUSE
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Lovely.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Now, be honest, ladies.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Just for once, be honest with the gentleman sat next to you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20There is nothing worse than a naked man. Admit it.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Admit it!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I understand, it's necessary, what's happened in body politics.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30Why shouldn't woman consume male flesh with their eyes the way men have done for generations?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33"Nonsense, Russell, you talk nonsense! Now we can look at Torso Of The Week
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"and Cosmopolitan's nude centrefold.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39"At last, male flesh consumed with our eyes, equality at last. Hurrah!"
0:18:39 > 0:18:42That's all very well, girls,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45but there's only so far the less visual female brain can go.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Admit it. Most of the time,
0:18:46 > 0:18:49it's the last fricking thing you want to look at, yeah?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52This lady over there, she doesn't want to open her Woman's Own
0:18:52 > 0:18:56and see a guy with a rager next to the knitting patterns. She doesn't!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58"Well, I was going to do you a scarf, Nigel,
0:18:58 > 0:19:02"but now I'll have to strum one out in the utility room. I'm sorry."
0:19:03 > 0:19:06And that's all very well, but what you don't realise, girls,
0:19:06 > 0:19:10is the knock-on in the body politics is translating through to men,
0:19:10 > 0:19:14so we're seeing male eating disorders, male body dysmorphia,
0:19:14 > 0:19:18it's all starting as we go, "That must be what girls want. We must take care of our bodies."
0:19:18 > 0:19:20And we also think that it's highly arousing
0:19:20 > 0:19:23for you to see us walking around completely starkers.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27We have no conception of how ridiculous and slightly repulsive it is most of the time
0:19:27 > 0:19:29to be presented with a naked man.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Every single woman has had this, sat on the edge of the bed, GHD ceramic straighteners,
0:19:33 > 0:19:36bargain from New Look, you've made the effort.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41Right? You're at the end of the bed getting ready and the guy comes out of the shower and does this.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45"Debbie! Look at that! Yeah, that's yours later! That is yours later!"
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Yeah? Or the star jump. "Do you like that, babes? Is that what you like?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50"Is that what you want?
0:19:50 > 0:19:54"I'm going to talc it, bag it and give it to you later. Right?"
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Yeah? That's disgusting!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Even by my standards, that was bad!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06APPLAUSE
0:20:06 > 0:20:11Now, welcome to the place where beard and talent coincide -
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Joe Wilkinson!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:20:18 > 0:20:21CRASHES, GRUNTS, SOUNDS OF SPARRING
0:20:44 > 0:20:46HE BREATHES DEEPLY
0:20:54 > 0:20:58'If you're entering a judo competition for the first time,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01'you shouldn't choose the colour of your belt
0:21:01 > 0:21:04'just because you think it looks slimming on you.'
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Hajime!
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Urgh!
0:21:11 > 0:21:15'At least I burned off a few calories hitting the floor as hard as I did.'
0:21:15 > 0:21:18MUSIC: "Up From Below" by the Magnetic Zeroes
0:21:18 > 0:21:20# I was only five
0:21:21 > 0:21:25# When my dad told me I'd die... #
0:21:25 > 0:21:28APPLAUSE
0:21:29 > 0:21:34All you got to do is head to bbc.co.uk/bbcthree
0:21:34 > 0:21:35for more exclusive content.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Right now, strap in for the one, the only Nick Helm!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Hello, you!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50You all right?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Yeah, good, yeah.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58All right? Not you.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01You look like my ex-girlfriend.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Has anyone ever told you that?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07She's married now, with a baby.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09What an idiot. Who marries a baby?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Ha-ha-ha!
0:22:15 > 0:22:16I, um...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I knew she was going to leave me. I was talking to her on the phone.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22She must have gone under a tunnel or something.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23I said, "You're breaking up."
0:22:23 > 0:22:28She said, "Thanks for making this conversation a lot easier on me."
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Which is a shame,
0:22:29 > 0:22:33because I thought our relationship was going to last for ever and ever.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36That's the title of this song.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47# From the moment we met to the moment we touched
0:22:47 > 0:22:51# I knew you were the one, girl, I love you so much
0:22:51 > 0:22:55# From the look in your eyes I could tell right away
0:22:55 > 0:22:59# That the rest of our lives could begin here today
0:22:59 > 0:23:03# Though we've only just met, we could tell it was fate
0:23:03 > 0:23:07# We're two halves of a whole and a whole lot of great
0:23:07 > 0:23:11# Now we've both made a choice and our love's running thick
0:23:11 > 0:23:13# I'll have one pair of tits
0:23:13 > 0:23:15# And you'll have one dick!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18# For ever and ever
0:23:18 > 0:23:20# I'll love you for ever
0:23:20 > 0:23:22# And ever and ever
0:23:22 > 0:23:26# And ever and ever, my dear
0:23:26 > 0:23:30# I'll love you forever and ever and ever
0:23:30 > 0:23:32# And ever and ever, it's clear
0:23:34 > 0:23:37# When the meteors strike and the land turns to dust
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# I'll still love you, my dear
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# On my love you can trust
0:23:41 > 0:23:45# I'll be holding your hand, I'll be touching your skin
0:23:45 > 0:23:46# I'll be smelling your hair
0:23:46 > 0:23:49# Won't you just let me in?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52# I'll be there through the wind I'll be there through the rain
0:23:52 > 0:23:56# If I've popped out for five minutes, I'll be right back again
0:23:56 > 0:24:00# When they lay me to rest, you'll be right by my side
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# You'll be right there with me
0:24:02 > 0:24:05# Even if you're alive!
0:24:05 > 0:24:06# Sexy baby!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10# I'll love you for ever and ever and ever
0:24:10 > 0:24:13# And ever and ever, my dear
0:24:13 > 0:24:18# I'll love you for ever and ever and ever
0:24:18 > 0:24:21# With me you've got nothing to fear
0:24:30 > 0:24:31# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:31 > 0:24:33# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:33 > 0:24:35# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:35 > 0:24:37# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:37 > 0:24:39# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:39 > 0:24:41# Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:41 > 0:24:44# Dinna-ninna-day-oh Dinna-ninna-day-oh
0:24:44 > 0:24:48# Don't you dare turn your back on this love that we've found
0:24:48 > 0:24:52# I've got nowhere to go I'm just hanging around
0:24:52 > 0:24:56# I'll be there after work I'll be there on your porch
0:24:56 > 0:25:00# When you turn out the lights I'll be holding a torch
0:25:00 > 0:25:03# You'll be there in your house as I watch from afar
0:25:03 > 0:25:08- # When you look out the window I'll be sat in my car.- Mondeo!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11# There's no saying no cos my love never stops
0:25:11 > 0:25:15# No, I won't let you go Girl, I think you are tops!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# Fuck me, baby!
0:25:17 > 0:25:21# For ever and ever and ever and ever
0:25:21 > 0:25:25# And ever and ever, my dear
0:25:25 > 0:25:28# I'll love you for ever and ever and ever
0:25:28 > 0:25:30# And ever and ever, it's clear
0:25:32 > 0:25:36# For ever and ever and ever and ever
0:25:36 > 0:25:40# And ever and ever and ever and ever
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# And ever and ever and ever and ever
0:25:44 > 0:25:45# And ever and ever
0:25:47 > 0:25:50# Ever, ever, ever and ever
0:25:50 > 0:25:54# For ever and ever For ever and ever
0:25:54 > 0:25:58# For ever and ever and ever and ever
0:25:58 > 0:26:02# And ever and ever, and ever and ever
0:26:02 > 0:26:05# And ever and ever and ever and ever
0:26:05 > 0:26:09# And ever and ever and ever and ever!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- # And ever!- Ever!- And ever!- Ever!
0:26:11 > 0:26:15- # And ever!- Ever!- And ever!- Ever! - And ever!- Ever!- And ever!- Ever!
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# I won't let you out of my sights! #
0:26:18 > 0:26:23APPLAUSE, CHEERING
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Ah, this is a brief announcement.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Would the enormous doofus standing in front of me
0:26:35 > 0:26:39please check his headphones and see what I've done to them?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Oh, great. You've cut the wire and put a dollar sign there.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45You are welcome. People are going to be calling you the dollar dude!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Or just the guy whose headphones don't work.- That's not as snappy.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Either way, at least they won't be calling you prick any more.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Well, they're still broken.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Not broken - customised, dawg.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00And that is why my nickname is Dr Dre.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02- All right, prick.- Hiya.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd